I Can Do Better All By Myself

by E. N. Joy

  Realizing that sweat beads had formed on her forehead, Mother Doreen wiped them away. That hadn’t happened in a long time. Once Mother Doreen had begun to walk in her God-given authority and in holy boldness, that sweating of the forehead thing had gone away. Once upon a time, a sheet of perspiration announcing itself on her forehead had been a dead giveaway and the first sign of her uneasiness. Was she starting to lose some of her authority?

  Slowly, Mother Doreen walked away from the door and made her way over to the couch, where she sat down while slowly shaking her head. “You are up to no good, Satan. You are up to no good,” she spoke into the atmosphere.

  Looking down at her hands, Mother Doreen noticed that they were slightly trembling. “Oh, no, you don’t,” Mother Doreen continued her talk with the devil. She shook her hands as if she were shaking the devil off. “You will not have me all bound up and hindered,” she told the devil. “I ain’t gonna let you shake me up, devil. No, siree.” Mother Doreen stood and began pacing back and forth as if she were stomping on the devil.

  “I’m wiser. I’m stronger. I’m not that ole girl whose mind you once got a hold of. Who you once convinced to get out of God’s will and do ill will.” Mother Doreen’s heart began to palpitate once again as past memories began to cash themselves in to her memory bank.

  “In the name of Jesus, I have been forgiven. I have been convicted and forgiven. Satan, I’ve done my time. I won’t let you start pointing your wicked finger at me, accuser. I’m not that person anymore. I’m better, and I partly owe it to you, Satan.”

  There might as well have been smoke seeping out from underneath Mother Doreen’s feet, because she was pacing at record speed. “Oh, Satan, you should have took me out when you had a chance. You should have never let me call on Jesus. You should have never let me know that He is all who He said He is. No, devil, you should have took me out when I was downtrodden, clasping the metal bars of the prison as a captive.” She pointed to the ground, thrashing her finger. “Devil, you should have took me out. It’s too late now. You are defeated. Hallelujah.” Mother Doreen’s feet now began to move almost in a two-step. There were no church musicians playing instruments to aid in her praise. No drummer to egg on her Holy Ghost dance. No way did Mother Doreen need all that. Nope, she danced on the devil like she was squashing a roach.

  A couple of minutes later, she collapsed on the couch. She breathed heavily as she wiped more sweat beads from her forehead. This time the sweat beads were from all the dancing in the spirit she’d just done. She closed her eyes and tried to think of a scripture to meditate on, one that would help her get through this pending situation. Try as she might, though, Mother Doreen couldn’t focus to save her life. And her life being saved is just what she needed right about now. And she knew just the lifeguard on earth she could call upon.

  Standing up, Mother Doreen located her purse and keys, then walked toward the door. Just as she was about to pull the door closed behind her, the phone rang, causing her to hesitate. As the phone rang a second time, she contemplated on whether to answer it. Nine times out of ten it was for Pastor anyway. But then again, it could have been Bethany. She’d called there for Mother Doreen a couple of times. Mother Doreen tightened her lips at just the thought of Bethany being on the other end of that phone line. Something told her that Bethany didn’t have everything to do with the surprise visitor at her doorstep just a minute ago. “But she’s got something to do with it,” Mother Doreen suspected as she marched over to the phone.

  “Just as I expected,” Mother Doreen said, looking at the caller ID screen, and then answering the phone. “How dare you?” was her greeting into the phone receiver after she’d picked it up.

  “My, my, my, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today,” the caller teased.

  “Bethany Lou Ellen Tyson. I promise if I was right there in Kentucky, I’d turn you over my knee and light your behind up,” Mother Doreen spat. And she meant it.

  “I take it your special visitor called upon you today.” Bethany let out a schoolgirl chuckle.

  “Do you think this is funny?” Mother Doreen shouted. “How dare you meddle in my life!”

  “Please, coming from you, Sis—the woman who invented the word meddle.”

  “So is that really and truly what you felt about my visit down there to Kentucky? That I was meddling? Well, I’ll have you know that I was on an assignment from God and—”

  “Blah, blah, blah,” Bethany interrupted. “So why is it you feel that you are the only one who God gives assignments to? Who’s to say He didn’t give me one this time?”

  “’Cause God ain’t gon’ give the devil’s employee work to do.” Mother Doreen was fuming. Bethany, on the other hand, knew her sister was only blowing steam.

  “Oh, so now I’m the devil’s advocate?”

  “If you had anything to do with that man showing up at my doorstep today, you are.”

  Bethany paused for a minute. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You really are upset with me.”

  “You dang right I am, Bethany. You had no right. And to not even warn me ...”

  Realizing that her sister really was displeased, Bethany’s tone became apologetic. “Sorry, Reen. I really didn’t think this would make you so upset. I honestly thought I was doing a good deed. I mean, I saw the way the two of you were becoming—”

  “Listen, Bethany.” Mother Doreen lowered her tone and became somewhat apologetic as well. “Just please, stay out of this. You have no idea the size of the fire you’re messing with here. Now I have to go right now. I have an urgent matter I have to tend to, thanks to you. But we’ll talk later.”

  “All right, Reen. I still don’t know why you’re bent this much out of shape.”

  “And it’s not meant for you to know either. Like I said, I’ve got to go. I love you, and I’ll talk with you later.” Mother Doreen hung up the phone. This time she grabbed a paper towel to mop up the sweat on her forehead. Marching out the door she said out loud, “It’s not meant for anybody to know; at least, it wasn’t until today.”

  She closed the door, then went to her car. She never thought this day would come. She’d hope to be dead and buried before things ever got to this. But now she had to do it. She had to tell someone about the thing she’d only spoken to God about. She just hoped that she didn’t find herself out on the streets afterward.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Oh, excuse me, Pastor, I didn’t know you already had someone in your office,” Paige stated as she stood in Margie’s office doorway.

  “Come on in, Sister Paige. I was expecting you.” Margie stood up and walked toward the doorway to greet Paige with a warm hug.

  “Never mind me. I was just leaving,” Paige could hear the church secretary say. “I was just helping Pastor with some things for the church calendar, but it can wait until later.”

  Some shuffling around could be heard behind Pastor. A few seconds later, both Margie and Paige could hear the church secretary exiting the office and the door gently closing. But still, they kept their embrace. With eyes closed, they were wrapped in a Holy Ghost hug. It was a hug that Paige needed. It was a hug that Margie knew her sheep needed. That simple hug was just what the doctor had ordered for Paige at that given moment. The doctor, of course, being Jesus.

  Sounds of weeping crept from Paige’s throat, but they never made it out of her closed mouth. Stifled in her throat, she felt as though she might choke on her cries.

  “Oh, ba, sa, ye, ah toh, yam bey, syo.” Margie spoke in tongues as she rubbed her hand up and down Paige’s back. “Give her strength in the name of Jesus,” Margie whispered. “Oh, ba, sa, ye, ah toh, yam bey, syo. Give her strength in the name of Jesus.” Margie continued to not only speak in tongues, but to interpret her tongues as well. “Oh da sa ey ye byo. Oh da sa ey ye byo. Rest in me, daughter. Oh da sa ey ye byo. Rest in me, daughter.”

  After a couple more minutes, the two women parted. “Have a seat,” Margie instructed Paige by
holding out her hand toward the sitting area in her office. Just as Paige sat down on the sofa, there was a light knock on the door.

  “Oh, yes. I hope you don’t mind,” Margie said to Paige as she walked to the door and opened it. “But I asked someone to join us.”

  Just then, Paige looked up to see Nita standing in the doorway. Nita’s eyes were bloodshot red, as if she’d been crying just as much as Paige had. Funny thing was, she had. Ever since Nita had seen Blake’s arrest on television, she’d been fasting, praying, and crying out to God on her sister in Christ’s behalf. She’d even taken the last three days off from work in order to stay in constant prayer for Paige.

  Instinctively, she’d wanted to call Paige, to go see about her. But all she could hear from the Spirit man was “Drop to your knees and pray.” So that’s what she’d done. She was well prayed up and had been standing in the gap for Paige. And good thing too, because the last few days, Paige hadn’t even had the strength to pray. She hadn’t any words to say to God; not because she was angry at Him or anything. She just couldn’t even muster up the words to have a talk with her heavenly father. But God knew her heart; that’s why He put it on Nita to stand in the gap and keep Paige covered.

  As soon as Nita locked eyes with Paige, she made a beeline to the couch and sat down next to her. She was barely seated before Paige’s arms were flung around her neck and Paige was wailing like an injured sea lion. Before Margie knew it, both her members were wailing, crying, and shouting out to God. Margie just stood at the closed door with her hands lifted in the air. Her lips mumbled a silent prayer for only God’s ears.

  “Thank you, Jesus, for bringing her out of this situation alive,” Nita cried out. “I bless your name, Lord. I never doubted that you would bring her out, God. Because I know if you did it for me, you would do it for my sister. And you did, Lord. You did it for her, God. Thank you! Thank you, God!”

  “Hallelujah.” Paige finally gave God some praise, and she’d given Him the highest praise. “Hallelujah. Thank you, God. Thank you.” This went on for five more minutes before the atmosphere in Margie’s office was calm.

  “I should have listened to you, Sister Nita,” Paige said, wiping the last of the tears from her face. “I should have taken heed to your warning that things could get worse. I just... I just loved him so much.” She looked into Nita’s eyes. “I still love him.” Paige sniffed. “I know this may sound like a crazy question, but after your husband did what he did to you, did you still love him?”

  Nita thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Yes, I did. Every time he hit me, spit on me, called me out of my name, raped me—afterward—yes, I still loved him. I loved the idea of him getting better; changing. But after he murdered my babies, cut my throat and left me for dead—no, my sister; the being in love with him went away. Not immediately. Love was not the emotion I had for him. So much so that ...” Nita’s words trailed off. She looked over at Margie who still had her hands extended in the air, her eyes were closed, and she was mumbling a prayer.

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Paige told Nita, sensing some reluctance.

  “I do have to talk about it,” Nita insisted. “Like I always say, I know the purpose of my story is to save someone else.” Nita finished what she had started to say. “I felt so much hate for that man that the day of his sentencing I showed up at court with a nine millimeter. I had it tucked down in my panty hose. Media cameras were everywhere because the story, as you might recall, had made national news. I’d carried a key chain with a bottle of mace on it as a distraction. I knew the metal detector was going to go off. I figured if I acted like I was a distraught mess, weak, and could barely stand, they’d just hurry up and figure that it was the mace that had made the metal detector go off and just let me be. That’s exactly what had happened. Once they took the mace, they let me go on without having me go back through the metal detector, patting me down, wanding me, or anything.”

  Nita shook her head. She couldn’t believe she was telling this. She’d told nobody but God up until now. “Anyway, I got in the courtroom with the gun. I’d made my mind up that I was going to do the sentencing. I wasn’t going to wait for some man in a black robe to hand out the punishment for what had been done to me and my children. I had more of a right than he did.”

  “But vengeance is mine, thus sayeth the Lord,” Paige interrupted.

  “Exactly. That’s exactly what a still small voice kept whispering in my ear.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “I got up and exited the courtroom, even before they began sentencing.”

  “Didn’t you at least want to know what the judge was going to do?”

  “Nope, because the real judge had just told me that He had this thing, and I believed Him. God’s Word has never come back void. Ever.” A smirk spread across Nita’s lips. “That man will never see the light of day.” Nita shrugged. “Of course, had I put one through his skull, he never would have seen the light of day either.” She faced Paige and took her hands into hers. “But I might not have either. And then I wouldn’t be here today to share my story with you.”

  Once again, Paige’s eyes began to fill with tears. “And I’m glad you’re here. I thank God for you, Sister Nita.” Paige hugged Nita. That’s when she looked up and realized that her pastor was still standing there. “And you too, Pastor.”

  Margie exhaled and opened her eyes while she lowered her hands to her side. “And I speak for both Sister Nita and myself when I say that I’m glad you’re here too, Sister Paige.”

  Paige’s eyes cast downward.

  “But there was a moment when you felt as though you didn’t want to be here, didn’t you,” Nita surmised.

  Paige nodded and folded her lips under her teeth.

  “It’s okay, Sister Paige. Don’t you let the devil influence your mind. You are here, and you are here until the good Lord says otherwise, do you hear me?”

  Paige nodded.

  “Good.” Nita let out a sigh of relief. “In the meantime, just stay strong. I know as you wait for this whole trial and everything that it can be a mean time. But know that I am here. Pastor is here. You have a church family who loves and adores you. More, and most importantly, you have an ever-loving God who is going to protect you. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Paige said. And hopefully God would protect her, because as she spoke, Blake was being released from jail. He was being released with only one thing on his mind, and that was to get his wife back.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Come here, child, let me look at you,” Eleanor said to her daughter as they walked through the church foyer. She cupped Lorain’s face in her hands, then roughly moved it from side to side, examining it. She then lifted Lorain’s head upward and looked up her nostrils.

  “Mama, are you crazy?” Lorain swatted Eleanor’s hands from her face. She then looked around at the eyes that seemed to be piercing both her mother and her.

  “I was just checking to see if you had sleep in your eyes, a booger in your nose, something,” Eleanor explained. “Unfortunately, you don’t.”

  “What do you mean ‘unfortunately’?”

  “Because otherwise, that would have explained why everybody is staring at you like you’re the one who decided to take Gary Coleman off life support.”

  “Mama, that was just ugly,” Lorain seethed.

  “Good morning, Sister Lorain,” one of the church members greeted as she walked by wearing a hat that the average person wouldn’t be caught dead in. She then nodded and smiled at Eleanor as she kept it moving to her seat.

  “Whew, now that was ugly.” Eleanor twisted up her nose.

  “Mother, what has gotten into you? Why are you cuttin’ up like this in the Lord’s house?”

  “I’m not the one cuttin’ up. Are you blind or something? Look around.” Eleanor swept the room with her arm. “It’s all these folks in here cuttin’ up; well, cuttin’ their eyes at you anyway. Something’s up.�
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  “Oh, Mother, please. Word is just getting around about how Unique’s carrying my baby is all. As a matter of fact, Pastor and I had a talk in her office after Saturday morning prayer. She warned me that some folks weren’t going to agree with what Unique and I are doing, but that’s just how folks are. Christian or not, everybody has their opinion.”

  Lorain had prepared herself for the various reactions she would get from her church family. She wasn’t really looking for their full support, especially since no one knew the full story. Actually, as of yesterday, Margie knew. Lorain and Unique had decided to tell their pastor everything. They felt it necessary in order for their shepherd to lead them properly through the pasture of the journey they were embarking on.

  “So, Pastor, do you feel Unique and I are living a lie? That we are being manipulative?” Lorain had asked Margie as she met alone with her pastor.

  “How I feel should not affect your choice and actions,” Margie had replied. “I can say that I might have done things a little differently had I been in your shoes, but I’m not. I can say that I feel Sister Eleanor needs to know the entire truth of the matter.”

  “I agree, Pastor, and I plan on telling her soon.”

  “Soon is better than later, because you wouldn’t want her finding out from someone other than yourself. And you certainly wouldn’t want her to feel as though she’s the last to know. On top of everything else, you certainly don’t want the devil to beat you to it.”

  “I agree, Pastor. I guess I need to talk to Unique about that. I feel it’s something I think I’d like us to do together.”

  “If you think that would be best, then I support that. Just ask God to open up that window of opportunity for you to be able to share everything with your mother. And ask God to prepare her heart to receive it.” Margie chuckled. “Because I know how Mama Eleanor can be.”