I Can Do Better All By Myself

by E. N. Joy

  “Sounds good to me,” Nicholas said with a smile in his tone. “I know a hospital cafeteria doesn’t sound too thrilling for a first date, but I’m on call so I need to stay close. Any chance you can meet me here at the hospital?”

  “That won’t be a problem.”

  “Good, I’ll see you then.”

  “Bye-bye,” Lorain said, then ended the call. “Oh my God,” she screeched under her breath. And just like that, once again, she’d forgotten about all her woes. As Lorain worked the morning away, she knew eventually she’d have to try to reach out to her mother, but right now, she wasn’t going to allow that situation to keep her in bondage. She was going to keep things moving forward in her life. No looking back.

  God, you’re just going to have to touch my mother’s heart, Lorain prayed. When she’s ready to smash this thing, I’ll be waiting. And how Lorain saw it, at this point, her mother would have to come to her. Not that Lorain had much of a choice. Considering her mother had a restraining order against her, Lorain certainly couldn’t go to her.

  At around 12:15 P.M., Lorain wrapped things up at her desk and left her office to walk to her car. She’d not eaten all day, so that soup and salad was sounding good. But just being in the presence of Nicholas was sounding even better. She couldn’t wait to meet up with him. But as she approached her car, she realized then that she just might have to wait after all.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Margie paced back and forth across the conference-room floor. Her hands were folded, and her lips were moving. No words could be heard, not by man anyway. Only by God.

  “Pastor, let me know if you all need anything else.”

  Margie had forgotten all about her secretary even being in the conference room until she spoke. “Oh, thank you.” Margie scanned the room. “But everything looks fine. You can go ahead and make calls to this past Sunday’s first-time visitors.”

  “Will do,” the secretary said as she left the room.

  Margie continued pacing ... and praying. “Please, God, let her show up.” The “her” Margie was referring to in her prayers was Mother Doreen.

  Just like Mother Doreen had warned Margie, she had vacated her house. The entire situation between them just didn’t sit well with Margie, not at all. She stayed up all that night praying for answers and direction from God. Although God didn’t immediately penetrate her spirit with the answers, by the next afternoon He had. Operating in instant obedience, Pastor began her search for Mother Doreen. With there being only one hotel and one motel in the small city of Malvonia, after figuring out that Mother Doreen wasn’t staying with any of her other parishioners, Margie began her search.

  She found out Mother Doreen was staying at the hotel. After having the operator transfer her call to Mother Doreen’s room, the call went to the hotel automated voice messaging system. It was then that Margie left a message informing Mother Doreen that a board meeting had been called concerning the Singles’ Ministry and that she needed to be there. Knowing that the Singles’ Ministry was Mother Doreen’s project, her baby, so to speak, it was Margie’s hope that Mother Doreen would show up to tend to it.

  “Looks like I’m the first one here,” a voice said, interrupting Margie’s pacing ... and praying.

  “Mother Doreen.” The relief could be heard in Margie’s tone. “You’re here.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” Mother Doreen held a puzzled expression on her face. “Since when have you known me not to show up for God? As much as He shows up for me, I wouldn’t dare miss showing up for Him.” Mother Doreen made her way to a conference-room chair. “This is about God, isn’t it?” Her eyebrows raised.

  “Why, yes, of course,” Margie assured her.

  Mother Doreen was just about to sit down before she asked, “Oh, did I need to wait out in the lobby area first like last time?”

  “No, no,” Margie replied. “Please sit down.”

  “This is the day that the Lord has made. We shall rejoice and be glad in it.”

  Both Mother Doreen and Margie looked at the doorway to see Sister Perrin leading the way of the other board members into the conference room. “Praise God, Pastor, Mother Doreen.”

  The members, Margie, and Mother Doreen took a minute to greet one another. Once everyone was seated, a prayer was said and the meeting was brought to order.

  “The last time we met we discussed the matter of the operation of the Singles’ Ministry,” Margie reminded them all. Everyone nodded, signaling they all recalled the subject matter. “Well, after prayer and direction from God, I motion that we allow the ministry to begin operating again, effective immediately.”

  “If that’s what God has spoken, Pastor, then I second the motion, of course,” the only male board member declared. He then looked around. “All in favor say ‘Aye.’”

  “Aye,” was heard from every board member.

  Mother Doreen’s facial expression remained neutral, even though she wanted to do a Holy Ghost dance right smack on the middle of the conference-room table.

  Margie looked at Mother Doreen. “Well, Mother Doreen, it looks like it’s time for you to see God’s vision through. I trust you’ll operate completely in the provision He’s given you as well.”

  A smile that Mother Doreen couldn’t contain settled on her face.

  Just then, Sister Perrin cleared her throat. “Uh, well, uh, Pastor ... are you saying that Mother Doreen here is still going to be in charge of the ministry?”

  Margie looked around at the other board members whose eyes and facial expressions seemed to be asking that same question.

  “Perhaps she can just be like the overseer or something; kind of just remain in the background. But I was thinking someone else could be the face of the ministry.”

  “Maybe even you could be the face of the ministry, like Mother Doreen suggested in the last meeting,” one of the board members called out.

  Margie looked at that member. “But I thought the last time you were against me having anything to do with the ministry.”

  “Well, uh, yeah, maybe so. But that was before we found out about ...” Her eyes wandered to Mother Doreen and then back to Pastor. “... you know.” She nodded her head discreetly toward Mother Doreen.

  The silence that filled the room was deep and heavy.

  “Well, I still am against it,” Sister Perrin spoke up. “To some degree. But right now, it doesn’t look as though we have much choice.”

  “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but—” Pastor started.

  “I think I do, Pastor.” Mother Doreen stood. “What’s going on is that obviously the board has heard about my ... well, my past.”

  Almost every board member’s eyes were cast downward, confirming they’d lent their eager ears to church gossip.

  “She’s right,” Sister Perrin confirmed, now lifting her eyes and stiffening her broad shoulders. “I just don’t think, knowing what I know now, that Mother Doreen would be the wisest choice to lead the Singles’ Ministry. I think it should be someone who ... who ...”

  “Who doesn’t have a jail record?” Mother Doreen finished the sentence for her.

  “Exactly,” Sister Perrin said matter-of-factly. “As a matter of fact, Pastor, I was going to suggest, in light of this new information we now have on Mother Doreen, that before we place anybody in leadership, that we do a background check. I mean, look at that situation with Sister Lorain and her mother’s deceased husband. He was a pedophile operating in his church’s youth ministry.”

  “Oh my,” one board member said, shocked.

  “Are you serious?” another asked in disbelief.

  “Yeah, I heard about that too,” one replied.

  By this time, Margie was appalled, shocked, and on her feet. “Who told you that?” she demanded to know from Sister Perrin. Her loud and fierce tone had startled everyone in the room. Even when she was preaching God’s Word, Margie had never used such a tone. “Who told you all that?” Margie’s eyes scanned the room af
ter her fist hit the table.

  At this time, Mother Doreen stood. “God is not the author of confusion.” She gathered her things. “Right now, I have to really seek God to determine if I’m even going to be a part of this.” And on that note, she moved toward the door.

  “Do you mean a part of the Singles’ Ministry?” Margie asked for clarification.

  “No, a part of this church,” Mother Doreen replied before leaving.

  Margie’s body sank back down into her seat. She shook her head in disbelief that New Day seemed to be turning into a playground for the devil himself.

  “Pastor, I think we should discuss—” Sister Perrin started.

  “Shhh,” Margie ordered, holding up her hand to silence Sister Perrin. She rubbed her eyes with her fingers. “Look, I think we need to adjourn for right now, but I need it to go on the record that I still intend to allow the Singles’ Ministry to operate, and I still intend on assigning Mother Doreen as the leader of the ministry; that’s if she even wants to do it now.”

  “But, Pastor, you honestly can’t believe God really called her to serve in that type of capacity. Her entire crime resulting in a stint in jail was concerning her relationship with a man. So who is she to tell folks how to handle relationships in a godly manner?”

  “Who better to lead a drug addict than an ex-drug addict?” Margie declared. “Who better to lead an alcoholic than an ex-alcoholic? Who better to lead a gang member than an ex-gang member?” Margie shook her head and said. “And here I thought all this time I was dealing with mature Christians. My, my, my. Looks like what I need to reconsider is who the face of this church is as far as its board.” She stood. “Meeting adjourned.” She excused herself and walked to the ladies’ room.

  “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,” she repeated as she stood over the bathroom sink, still shaking her head in dismay. “Lord, you said no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Well, God, I’m giving you back your Word that it may not return void. No weapon formed against me, the church, or its members shall prosper. I declare such in the name of Jesus. Not even old weapons, Lord. Not anything from the past. I’m asking you to do a new thing, Lord. Do a new thing in my life, oh God, that the church might benefit. Your Word says that my help co-meth from the Lord, O God. If help is what I need, then send it, Lord, right now in the name of Jesus.” Margie spoke a few words in tongues. “In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  She washed her hands, dried them, and then went to her office. As she approached the lobby she could see her secretary. She was talking to a man, a very tall man. He was a tall, dark man. Margie couldn’t see his face, but she could tell from his hands and the side profile of his face that he had the same complexion of Blair Underwood.

  “Oh, Pastor, there you are,” the church secretary said upon noticing Margie. “This here is Lance. Lance, this is the pastor, the woman you’ve been waiting to meet.”

  Lance turned with an extended hand to the pastor. He was tall. He was dark. And now, from what Margie could see, he was handsome. She shook his hand.

  “Well, it was worth the wait,” Lance said, shaking her hand firmly. “Because I can feel the anointing all over this woman just by the shake of her hand. Glory,” Lance said in reference to Margie but talking to the secretary.

  Anointing, Margie thought to herself. Yeah, maybe that’s what it was, anointing. Because she could swear that when she shook Lance’s hand, she felt something too. Shaking off any thoughts, Margie asked, “So, Lance, you’ve been waiting to meet me? Did I have an appointment with you for something?”

  “Oh, no,” the secretary interrupted. “Lance here is my cousin. He’s here to take me to lunch. It’s just that I talk about you all the time in trying to get him to come visit our church.”

  “So, you don’t attend church?” Was that disappointment Margie heard in her own voice?

  “Yes, I do,” Lance informed her. “I attend a Baptist church over in Blacklick. But my cousin here is always going on and on about how great a word you deliver and how great you deliver it; and about how I should come visit sometime.”

  “Oh, okay,” Margie nodded. Was that relief she heard in her own voice? “Well, I am a fisher of men, but I don’t go fishing in other pastors’ ponds. I’m sure you’re getting just as good a word over there at your church. Perhaps it is me who might have to come visit there one day.” Had Margie really said that? She had to ask herself that same question.

  “We’d love to have you. There is a women’s conference coming up in a few months. I’d love to drop your name in the hat as one of the guest speakers, if you don’t mind.”

  “I, uh, don’t mind at all,” Margie replied.

  After just a few seconds of silence, Lance spoke. “Well, I guess we better get going, cuz,” he said to the church secretary. He then turned back to Margie. “Pastor, if you’re not too busy, how about you join us? That way, I could run down the theme of the women’s conference to you so you can pray on it just in case you’re called on as one of the speakers.”

  “Oh, yes, Pastor, that’s a lovely idea,” the secretary cosigned. “Besides, you don’t have anything on your calendar. And in addition to that, you’re always eating in that office of yours. Come on and see how the rest of us do lunch.”

  “Well ...” Margie sounded indecisive. With all that had just gone on in the board meeting—Mother Doreen practically threatening to leave the church—she didn’t know if she needed to be out having a good ol’ time at lunch instead of praying or seeking God for direction and help. But then that’s when Margie’s thoughts stopped... on the word help.

  Not five minutes ago, had she just said a prayer for herself? Not five minutes ago had she just asked God to send her help? Could—Maybe ... Was Lance somehow part of God’s answer to her prayer? After all, Margie had encountered many men in her lifetime. In her capacity as a pastor, she’d prayed with them and laid hands on them. She couldn’t very well recall the last time she’d simply shaken one of their hands and it caused feelings to rise up in her.

  “Well, what do you say?” Lance asked Margie.

  Without even giving it another moment’s thought, Margie replied, “Yes. I don’t mind if I do join you two for lunch.” To her surprise, though, it would be a lunch for two. After all, three’s a crowd anyway.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  “I’ve been worried sick about you,” Tamarra said as soon as she opened the front door and saw Paige standing there. “I had to end up having to go and see your pastor at the church. She’s the one who told me that you were staying with Sister Nita. I ... I don’t understand, Paige. What’s going on? Were you afraid Blake would find you here at my place? Is that why you left without saying anything? You didn’t want him to interrogate me regarding your whereabouts so you just didn’t want me to know? I mean, what? What is it? Say something.” Tamarra had tons of nervous energy.

  It wasn’t as if Tamarra had even given Paige an opportunity to speak. And eventually she realized just that. “Oh, look at me going on and on. Come on in here.” She let Paige in, and then started right back in on her. “I just left Sister Nita’s place. I saw your car, but you didn’t answer.”

  “I was in the bath when you knocked. I saw you driving away.” Paige wasn’t completely lying. She’d just omitted a few things is all.

  “Well, sit down.” Tamarra pointed to her couch.

  “That’s okay. I’ll stand.”

  Tamarra detected a hint of coldness in Paige’s tone. Not really just a hint, but instead, enough to put a chill on Tamarra’s arms.

  “But you, on the other hand, might want to sit down,” Paige shot.

  Tamarra snapped her neck back to take a look at her best friend. She had this cold diva thing going on in her voice, and Tamarra had no idea why. “No, thank you. I think I’ll stand too. What’s going on?” Tamarra shot right back, with a little diva in her tone as well.

  “Blake came up to the church the other day.”

  “Ewww, I knew this had something to do wi
th that man,” Tamarra spat. “Did you call the police? Make sure you tell the judge about it. Isn’t the court date coming up here soon?”

  “Stop it!” A thunderous boom came blaring out of Paige’s voice. She quickly regained her composure and took a deep breath and then exhaled. “Will you just stop it with all the talking and listen? There is something I have to say. Something I have to ask you, and I don’t want to lose my nerve.”

  “Ask me ... about what?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to get to if you’d just let me finish.” Paige’s words were sprinkled about with frustration and agitation.

  “Paige, why the attitude? I’m just trying to help. You know I’m here for you. You know I’ll always be here for you. That’s all I ever tried to be as your friend.”

  “Really?” Paige said doubtfully.

  Tamarra was taken aback; it showed by the expression on her face. “Are you saying that I haven’t been trying to be there for you when you’ve needed me? I mean, you’re the one who decided to keep what all you were going through from me. I would have been there for you sooner had I known sooner.”

  “So, Tamarra, just answer this one question for me. All this time were you really, I mean truly, trying to be there for me? Or were you trying to be me?” Paige asked.

  Tamarra put her hand on her chest, surprised at Paige’s words. Surprised at how Paige was coming at her.

  “Blake came by the church, and he said some things,” Paige started again. “He alluded to something. Something about him ... something about you.”

  Just then, Tamarra looked as if every drop of blood had been drained from her body. Her complexion turned ghastly pale. She even looked as though something were caught in her throat, like she couldn’t breathe.

  Tamarra’s expression alone, and her lack of defending herself against the words Paige had just spoken about her, caused Paige’s eyes to water. Her breathing intensified as she filled with hurt and anger. Could it be? Could it be true? Had her best friend slept with her husband?