by Ari McKay
Finn gave an exaggerated wince and rubbed his shoulder, but his smile faded slightly as he studied Herc. “I’m ready. Is everything good?”
“As far as I know.” Herc gave a slight shrug and glanced at Joe. “Your partner seems to be a bit jet-lagged, but I’m sure you’ll watch out for him and make him get any help he needs, right?”
Finn’s eyes narrowed as he peered at Joe, and he nodded. “You bet I will, Herc.”
Joe would normally have protested that he was fine, but he was so relieved Finn was still his partner that he could only draw in a deep breath and pray that his knees didn’t give out. He hoped that Finn couldn’t tell how close he’d been to bolting from the room. It was hard to look cool and unaffected when he wanted to sag against the wall, pitifully grateful to know Finn apparently didn’t want to end their partnership. At least he would still have Finn in his life.
“Good. What I have for you shouldn’t be too taxing, anyway. There’s an international environmental summit that will be taking place at NC State next month, and we’ve been retained to provide security for the event, since there are likely to be protests on both sides of the issue. I want the two of you to take point.” Herc reached into a pocket of his cargo pants and pulled out a business card, which he handed to Finn. “Here’s the contact information for the coordinator at the university. I think this is perfect for the two of you. Finn, you’ll know what potential medical personnel should be on call. Joe, I want you to make sure the people working security have a good smattering of different languages, just so we have a chance of picking up on potential threats in the making. Got it?”
Finn tucked the card into a pocket and nodded. “Got it, boss man.”
“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.” Herc clapped Joe on the shoulder. “Put together a list of requirements and get them to me by Thursday.” With that, Herc turned and made his way back out of the locker room, responding to greetings called out by other employees.
When Herc left, Joe was at a loss for what to say to Finn, so he turned to his locker, opening it and checking over what he’d left there a month ago. The good thing was that Joe was normally quiet at work, so Finn probably wouldn’t think it was unusual for him to simply go about things in silence.
Finn closed his locker and leaned against the door, facing Joe. After a few seconds, he folded his arms across his chest. “What’s up?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.
Joe shrugged, reaching for the shoulder rig he normally wore for concealed carry. “Not much. Had my debrief on the Pakistan mission with Herc this morning.”
“I figured that much,” Finn said. “I meant what’s up with Herc being concerned about you?”
There was no way Joe could say that he was pretty sure Herc was picking up on his inner turmoil, so he shrugged again and deflected, not wanting to lie outright. “It’s the jet lag. I’ve had a hard time sleeping since I got back, so I’m not as focused as usual.”
“That’s what you’re going with? Jet lag?”
Joe delayed responding as he slipped off his blazer and got into the shoulder rig. He started on the buckles, trying to come up with an answer that would satisfy Finn. “What else could it be?”
“Golly, Joe, I don’t know.” Finn shot him an incredulous look. “Maybe something to do with our last conversation?”
Summoning up all his courage, Joe met Finn’s eyes. “I’m fine, Finn. I told you, I want you to be happy. If this guy makes you happy, you have my blessing, if you want it.” No one would ever know what those words cost him, and he was glad to have managed to get them out without a single tremble in his voice.
Finn held Joe’s gaze and kept his voice low. “Sure, I want your blessing, but I want you, too. You make me happy, Joe, and what we’ve got is older and stronger. I’m a greedy little fuck, and I want both of you, but if I can only have one, I pick you.”
A part of him wanted to jump on that offer and tell Finn to forget about this new guy, that Joe would do everything in his power to make him happy. But that was the weak part, the selfish part, and he knew in the long run it wouldn’t work, anyway. Finn loved this other guy—Drew, he made himself think the name—and if Joe took Finn’s offer, it would not only be self-centered, it would make Finn unhappy in the long run. Joe would end up losing him anyway, because Finn wasn’t in love with him, not the way he was with Drew.
He shook his head, dropping his gaze to the ground. “I won’t do that to you. It wouldn’t be right. You’re my friend. I’d never make you give up the man you love.”
Finn stared at him for a moment before letting out an exasperated huff. “Come on,” he said, grabbing Joe’s arm and tugging. “I’ve got something to say, and I want witnesses.”
Surprised, Joe let Finn haul him out of the locker room. “I don’t understand. What is it?”
Finn dragged him all the way to the gym and didn’t stop until they were standing in the middle of the room.
“Attention!” Finn raised his voice to be heard above the clank of bars and weights, and the grunts as the handful of mercs in there working out pushed their straining muscles. “Attention, everyone! I have an announcement.”
Joe was bewildered by Finn’s strange behavior, and he looked around at his cadre—men he had known for years. They’d worked together, fought together, bled together, and Joe trusted all of them with his life. Well, except for one man in the corner, but he ignored the stranger. This was still embarrassing, and he lowered his voice, leaning close to Finn. “What are you doing?”
“Something I should’ve done before now,” Finn said. He clasped Joe’s hands and looked him straight in the eyes. “Joseph Patrick Morrissey Junior, I am in love with you.”
Over by the weight rack, Mojo picked up a couple of twenty-five-pound dumbbells and shot a sardonic look in their direction before returning to his bench. “And?”
“Old news, buddy,” said Dead-eye, amused.
“Yeah, we’ve known that for years,” Tailor piped up.
“Damn it, Finn, you interrupted us to tell us something we already knew?” D-Day chimed in. “What’s next, you gonna tell us you’re Irish and gay, too?”
Joe let the catcalls wash over him. He couldn’t look away from Finn’s beautiful face, his breath catching at the way Finn’s green eyes met his with conviction. “You are? Really?”
“I really am,” Finn said, squeezing Joe’s fingers tightly. “I should’ve told you before, but I was scared. I thought we wanted things that were too different. But I’d rather work my ass off to find a way for us both to get what we want and need than lose you, so… fuck it. I’ve said it in front of witnesses, so I can’t take it back now even if I wanted to.”
Joe swallowed hard, feeling his throat threatening to tighten up so he couldn’t speak, and that wouldn’t do. He’d never expected Finn to say those words, and he forgot everything else—the men watching them, the fact that they were at work, all the doubts that had plagued him for the last few days. He returned the pressure of Finn’s hands. “I’m in love with you, too,” he said, his voice softer than Finn’s had been. “I’ve loved you for years, but I didn’t want you to feel like I was pressuring you, so I never said it. I love you, Brian Sean Finnegan.”
With that, he pulled Finn into his arms and kissed him hard. Finn wound his arms around Joe’s shoulders and pressed close as he parted his lips and kissed Joe back with eager enthusiasm.
There were more ribald comments, but Joe ignored them in favor of deepening the kiss. He needed this—needed Finn—to heal the broken parts of his soul.
After a time, however, he pulled back to look at Finn, his joy tempered by the knowledge that even though Finn loved him, there was someone else who also had a place in his heart. “I guess we still need to talk.”
“We do.” Finn paused long enough to flip off the mercs who’d been teasing them before turning his attention back to Joe. “Just the two of us?”
“Yeah.” Joe stepped back, even though what he really wanted was t
o kiss Finn, again, and delay the difficult discussion they were going to have. “Let’s go outside.”
“Lead the way.” Finn gestured toward the exit.
Joe nodded, taking Finn’s hand and heading toward the exit. They had to walk past the stranger in the corner. As they got closer, Joe glanced at the man and remembered where he’d seen this guy before. He was in pictures Hunter had shown Joe of his old unit in Lawson & Greer. This, then, was Joker, Hunter’s old XO who was now employed by Hercules Security. The other man Finn loved.
For the moment, Joe decided to ignore his existence. It was probably juvenile, but he wanted Finn to himself for just a few minutes, to revel in the knowledge that Finn loved him. The other guy could just wait.
Once they were outside, Joe pulled Finn toward one of the paths through the trees. Herc had put his headquarters in the midst of a park-like setting, one that provided the mercs a little privacy and room to get out and run if they needed to. It also helped to have a peaceful place to take refuge when the job got stressful.
They walked in silence for a few minutes, and Joe kept his hold on Finn’s hand. Finally, however, he knew he had to speak. “I never suspected, you know. That you loved me as anything more than a friend.”
“You weren’t supposed to know.” Finn slanted a wry smile at him and squeezed his hand.
“Neither were you.” Joe sighed and shook his head. “Everyone else knew, though.”
“I guess the only ones we were good at hiding from was each other.” Finn laughed, his eyes sparkling with humor over the situation.
“I guess so.” Joe sighed. “You wanted to know what Herc was worried about. I guess I can tell you now that I was in something of a state, worried that you might not want to be my partner anymore. It caught me in the middle of the debrief, and I must have blocked Herc out completely. I don’t panic under fire, but I almost did at the thought of you not wanting to be with me any longer.”
“Don’t be stupid.” Finn shouldered him playfully. “You aren’t going to get rid of me that easily.”
“Well, I didn’t know,” Joe pointed out. “I was afraid I was going to lose all of you. I wasn’t thinking rationally. The idea of it was so painful that I knew I’d have to leave the company.”
Finn’s expression grew somber. “I’m sorry you were so worried. I should’ve told you how I felt sooner. Maybe you wouldn’t have had so much doubt about us. About me.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t forthcoming about my feelings, either.” Joe shook his head. “I guess we need to figure out where to go from here, though.”
“Well, you know what I want.” Finn cocked his head as he regarded Joe with a questioning look. “Why don’t you tell me what you want, and we’ll see about working out a compromise that works for both of us?”
Joe nodded before frowning in thought. “If you really want him, I’m not going to stop you from having him. I do want you to be happy, but I don’t know this guy. Part of me really doesn’t want to know him. I suppose if we just go back to the way we were, it’s no different than before. You’re just seeing the same guy, instead of different ones.”
“Right, and I’d be seeing him more often,” Finn said. “But I’ll try to balance my time between the two of you. I don’t want you to feel like he’s taking up more than his fair share. The important thing is communication. We’ve put all our cards on the table, so no more secrets, right?” He fixed Joe with a pointed look. “No suffering in silence. If something’s bothering you, tell me. We’ll figure out how to fix it. Okay?”
Joe stopped, and turned to look at Finn. “No more secrets. I’ll do my best not to be jealous, but I can’t promise I won’t be. To me, he’s an interloper. I don’t know him, and I have no reason to trust him. I don’t want to know him, okay? Maybe it’s petty of me, but that’s how I feel.”
“Then you don’t have to.” Finn cupped Joe’s cheek in his palm and stroked it with his thumb. “I’m not going to force you to interact with him if you don’t want to. All I ask is that if you do start feeling jealous, tell me so we can figure out why and what might help.”
“Okay.” Joe closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into the caress. “I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all either of us can do.” Finn pressed a kiss to Joe’s lips, light but lingering.
Joe returned the kiss, but after a few moments he pulled back reluctantly. “I guess so.”
“Are you ready to get started on the job Herc gave us?” Finn raised one eyebrow, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips. “Or would you rather make up for our ill-fated reunion?”
Joe smiled slightly. “You don’t have any other surprises for me, do you?”
“I’m fresh out.” Finn spread his hands wide.
“In that case, my house happens to be right on the way to NC State,” Joe said. “Maybe we need a premeeting meeting. For strategizing.”
“So let’s adjourn to your place and start strategizing,” Finn said with a playful leer.
Joe smiled, taking Finn’s hand and starting toward where he’d left his SUV in the parking lot. Maybe things weren’t exactly the way he wanted them to be, but now he knew Finn loved him, and he’d put up with a lot just to hear Finn say those words again.
8
Even though Drew had already seen how messy his apartment could be, Finn spent some time tidying up after work so the place would look halfway decent—or at least less cluttered. He’d texted Drew earlier to see if he was free that evening, and when Drew said yes, Finn extended an invitation.
My place around 1900? I’ll provide the pizza if you bring the beer.
Drew replied with thumbs-up and beer mug emojis, which Finn took to mean he was in favor of the plan.
Finn wanted an evening for just the two of them for a couple of reasons. For one thing, he wasn’t great company the last time they were together. He’d been too preoccupied with worrying about Joe to give Drew his undivided attention. For another, Drew had witnessed Finn’s declaration of love, and Finn wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay.
The extra-large supreme meat pizza arrived a little before seven o’clock, and Finn slid the box into his preheated oven to keep it warm until Drew arrived. He busied himself with getting plates, napkins, and a bottle opener ready while he waited for the doorbell to ring.
Just after seven, the doorbell chimed as expected, and Finn opened to find Drew there, holding up a six pack of Guinness. He was dressed in jeans and a black leather jacket, and he smiled widely, the expression set off by his close-trimmed beard. “I figured Guinness for the Irishman, eh?”
“Always a good choice.” Finn slid his hand around to the back of Drew’s neck and drew him into a lingering kiss.
When they finally parted, Drew grinned wickedly. “Too much of that and it won’t be pizza on my mind.”
“Don’t worry, dessert is on the menu,” Finn said as he stepped aside to let Drew in. “Have a seat. The pizza’s here, and I’ve got pint glasses if you’d rather not drink from the bottle.”
“Sure, a glass would be good.” Drew moved over to the sofa, sinking down on it with a sigh. “Feels good to sit down. Dead-eye has been running my ass ragged in the gym. He claims that the desert made me ‘soft’. I told him it wasn’t the desert, it was the ten years I’ve got on him.”
Finn let out a derisive snort as he headed into the kitchen. “I can provide a good reference when it comes to proving you aren’t soft.” He glanced over his shoulder at Drew with faux coyness. “Not in any sense of the word.”
Drew laughed. “You’re helping to keep me young. You have the sex drive of a horny sixteen-year-old.”
“I can’t argue with facts.” Finn got a couple of pint glasses and retrieved the pizza, setting everything up on the coffee table in front of Drew. “Eat up,” he said, flipping back the lid of the box to reveal a pizza laden with sausage, pepperoni, bacon, and beef. “You’re going to need the protein later.”
“That sounds promising.”
Drew reached for a napkin and didn’t hesitate to scoop up a slice of pizza. He bit into it, closing his eyes and chewing with a contented expression on his face. “God, I missed pizza. My waistline didn’t, but I sure did.”
Finn popped the caps off a couple of bottles of beer and poured one into a glass before offering it to Drew. “Between me and Dead-eye, you’ll work off the pizza in no time.”
“Let me just say, for the record, I prefer your work-out regime to Dead-eye’s.” Drew accepted the beer with a nod of thanks. “I think his real problem is that he was a Navy Seal and I was an army grunt. He has to show off.”
Finn laughed as he plated a slice of pizza for himself and settled on the couch next to Drew. “He survived Seal training. He’s earned the right to flex. Joe’s a Seal, too. They’re tough motherfuckers.”
“Yeah, that they are.” Drew scooted closer to Finn so that their shoulders touched. “Speaking of Joe… he’s not going to show up at my place and murder me in my sleep, is he?”
“He’d never murder you in your sleep,” Finn said, nudging Drew playfully. “He’d want you awake so you’d know who was coming for you. But no, you’re safe for now.”
Drew let out a snort of amusement. “Oh, that’s so comforting. How long do I have? Does he plan to try intimidation first? I swear when he looked at me in the gym yesterday, I got the feeling that he was wishing me off the face of the earth. He’s got that cold, murderous stare down to a science.”
Finn had seen that expression on Joe’s face countless times while they were on missions, but he’d never had it directed at him—and never wanted to.
“Joe can be… intense,” he said. “I’m not going to pretend he’s happy about the situation, but he’s accepted it. I think telling him how I felt helped.”
“Good.” Drew leaned over to brush a kiss to Finn’s cheek. “You seem much happier, which makes me happy.”
“I’m glad he’s not shutting me out anymore,” Finn said, nestling against Drew’s side as he took a couple of bites of pizza. “It feels good being honest with him about how I feel, too. We had a nice talk and settled some things.” He glanced at Drew. “That’s one reason why I wanted to see you tonight.”
