Home for the Holidays

by Debbie Macomber

  “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

  She nodded. At the very mention of Paul’s name, her knees went weak. He was everything she wanted in a man and more. She’d been crazy about him for months and now it was all about to be ruined by this irritating, unreasonable ghost from her past.

  “Who told you?” Cait snapped. She couldn’t imagine Lindy betraying her confidence, but Cait hadn’t told anyone else.

  “No one had to tell me,” Joe said. “It’s written all over you.”

  Shocked, Cait stared at Joe, her heart sinking. “Do…do you think Paul knows how I feel?”

  Joe shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “But Lindy said…”

  The light changed and, clasping her elbow, Joe urged her into the street. “What was it Lindy said?” he prompted when they’d crossed.

  Cait looked up, about to tell him, when she realized exactly what she was doing—conversing with her antagonist. This was the very man who’d gone out of his way to embarrass and humiliate her in front of the entire office staff. Not to mention assorted clients and carpenters.

  She stiffened. “Never mind what Lindy said. Now if you’ll kindly excuse me…” With her head high, she marched down the sidewalk. She hadn’t gone more than a few feet when the hearty sound of Joe’s laughter caught up with her.

  “You haven’t changed in twenty years, Caitlin Marshall. Not a single bit.”

  Gritting her teeth, she marched on.

  “Do you think Paul’s heard?” Cait asked Lindy the instant she had a free moment the following afternoon. The New York Stock Exchange had closed for the day and Cait hadn’t seen Paul since morning. It looked like he really was avoiding her.

  “I wouldn’t know,” Lindy said as she typed some figures into her computer. “But the word about your childhood marriage has spread like wildfire everywhere else. It’s the joke of the day. What did you and Joe do? Make a public announcement before you left the office yesterday afternoon?”

  It was so nearly the truth that Cait guiltily lowered her eyes. “I didn’t say a word,” she defended herself. “Joe was the one.”

  “He told everyone you were married?” A suspicious tilt at the corner of her mouth betrayed Lindy’s amusement.

  “Not exactly. He started asking about our children in front of everyone.”

  “There were children?”

  Cait resisted the urge to close her eyes and count to ten. “No. I brought my dolls to the wedding. Listen, I don’t want to rehash a silly incident that happened years ago. I’m more afraid Paul’s going to hear about it and put the wrong connotation on the whole thing. There’s absolutely nothing between me and Joseph Rockwell. More than likely Paul won’t give it a second thought, but I don’t want there to be any…doubts between us, if you know what I mean.”

  “If you’re so worried about it, talk to him,” Lindy advised without lifting her eyes from the screen. “Honesty is the best policy, you know that.”

  “Yes, but it could prove to be a bit embarrassing, don’t you think?”

  “Paul will respect you for telling him the truth before he hears the rumors from someone else. Frankly, Cait, I think you’re making a fuss over nothing. It isn’t like you’ve committed a felony, you know.”

  “I realize that.”

  “Paul will probably be amused, like everyone else. He’s not going to say anything.” She looked up quickly, as though she expected Cait to try yet another argument.

  Cait didn’t. Instead she mulled over her friend’s advice, gnawing on her lower lip. “You might be right. Paul will respect me for explaining the situation myself, instead of ignoring everything.” Telling him the truth could be helpful in other respects, too, now that she thought about it.

  If Paul had any feeling for her whatsoever, and oh, how she prayed he did, then he might become just a little jealous of her relationship with Joseph Rockwell. After all, Joe was an attractive man in a rugged outdoor sort of way. He was tall and muscular and, well, good-looking. The kind of good-looking that appealed to women—not Cait, of course, but other women. Hadn’t Lindy commented almost immediately on how attractive he was?

  “You’re right,” Cait said, walking resolutely toward the office she was temporarily sharing with Paul. Although she’d felt annoyed at first about being shuffled out of her own space, she’d come to think of this inconvenience as a blessing in disguise. However, she had to admit she’d been disappointed thus far. She had assumed she’d be spending a lot of time alone with him. That hadn’t happened yet.

  The more Cait considered the idea of a heart-to-heart talk with her boss, the more appealing it became. As was her habit, she mentally rehearsed what she wanted to say to him, then gave herself a small pep talk.

  “I don’t remember that you talked to yourself.” The male voice booming behind her startled Cait. “But then there’s a great deal I’ve missed over the years, isn’t there, Caitlin?”

  Cait was so rattled she nearly stumbled. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. “Why are you following me around? Can’t you see I’m busy?” He was the last person she wanted to confront just now.

  “Sorry.” He raised both hands in a gesture of apology contradicted by his twinkling blue eyes. “How about lunch later?”

  He was teasing. He had to be. Besides, it would be insane for her to have anything to do with Joseph Rockwell. Heaven only knew what would happen if she gave him the least bit of encouragement. He’d probably hire a skywriter and announce to the entire city that they’d married as children.

  “It shouldn’t be that difficult to agree to a luncheon date,” he informed her coolly.

  “You’re serious about this?”

  “Of course I’m serious. We have a lot of years to catch up on.” His hand rested on his leather pouch, giving him a rakish air of indifference.

  “I’ve got an appointment this afternoon…” She offered the first plausible excuse she could think of; it might be uninspired but it also happened to be true. She’d made plans to have lunch with Lindy.

  “Dinner then. I’m anxious to hear what Martin’s been up to.”

  “Martin,” she repeated, stalling for time while she invented another excuse. This wasn’t a situation she had much experience with. She did date, but infrequently.

  “Listen, bright eyes, no need to look so concerned. This isn’t an invitation to the senior prom. It’s one friend to another. Strictly platonic.”

  “You won’t mention…our wedding to the waiter? Or anyone else?”

  “I promise.” As if to offer proof of his intent, he licked the end of his index finger and crossed his heart. “That was Martin’s and my secret pledge sign. If either of us broke our word, the other was entitled to come up with a punishment. We both understood it would be a fate worse than death.”

  “I don’t need any broken pledge in order to torture you, Joseph Rockwell. In two days you’ve managed to turn my life into—” She paused midsentence as Paul Jamison casually strolled past. He waved in Cait’s direction and smiled benignly.

  “Hello, Paul,” she called out, weakly raising her right hand. He looked exceptionally handsome this morning in a three-piece dark blue suit. The contrast between him and Joe, who was wearing dust-covered jeans, heavy boots and a tool pouch, was so striking that Cait had to force herself not to stare at her boss. If only Paul had been the one to invite her to dinner…

  “If you’ll excuse me,” she said politely, edging her way around Joe and toward Paul, who’d gone into his office. Their office. The need to talk to him burned within her. Words of explanation began to form themselves in her mind.

  Joe caught her by the shoulders, bringing her up short. Cait gasped and raised shocked eyes to his.

  “Dinner,” he reminded her.

  She blinked, hardly knowing what to say. “All right,” she mumbled distractedly and recited her address, eager to have him gone.

  “Good. I’ll pick you up tonight at six.” With that he released her and
stalked away.

  After taking a couple of moments to compose herself, Cait headed toward the office. “Hello, Paul,” she said, standing just inside the doorway. “Do you have a moment to talk?”

  He glanced up from a file on his desk. “Of course, Cait. Sit down and make yourself comfortable.”

  She moved into the room, closing the door behind her. When she looked back at Paul, he’d cocked his eyebrows in surprise. “Problems?” he asked.

  “Not exactly.” She pulled out the chair opposite his desk and slowly sat down. Now that she had his full attention, she was at a loss. All her prepared explanations and witticisms had flown out of her head. “The rate on municipal bonds has been extremely high lately,” she said nervously.

  Paul agreed with a quick nod. “They have been for several months now.”

  “Yes, I know. That’s what makes them such excellent value.” Cait had been selling bonds heavily in the past few weeks.

  “You didn’t close the door to talk to me about bonds,” Paul said softly. “What’s troubling you, Cait?”

  She laughed uncomfortably, wondering how a man could be so astute in one area and so blind in another. If only he’d reveal some emotion toward her. Anything. All he did was sit across from her and wait. He was cordial enough, gracious even, but there was no hint of anything more. Nothing to give Cait any hope that he was starting to care for her.

  “It’s about Joseph Rockwell.”

  “The contractor who’s handling the remodeling?”

  Cait nodded. “I knew him years ago when we were just children.” She glanced at Paul, whose face remained blank. “We were neighbors. In fact Joe and my brother, Martin, were best friends. Joe moved out to the suburbs when he and Martin were in the sixth grade and I hadn’t heard anything from him since.”

  “It’s a small world, isn’t it?” Paul remarked affably.

  “Joe and Martin were typical young boys,” she said, rushing her words a little in her eagerness to have this out in the open. “Full of tomfoolery and pranks.”

  “Boys will be boys,” Paul said without any real enthusiasm.

  “Yes, I know. Once—” she forced a light laugh “—they actually involved me in one of their crazy schemes.”

  “What did they put you up to? Robbing a bank?”

  She somehow managed a smile. “Not exactly. Joe—I always called him Joseph back then, because it irritated him. Anyway, Joe and Martin had this friend named Pete who was a year older and he’d spent part of his summer vacation visiting his aunt in Peoria. I think it was Peoria…. Anyway he came back bragging about having kissed a girl. Naturally Martin and Joe were jealous and as you said, boys will be boys, so they decided that one of them should test it out and see if kissing a girl was everything Pete claimed it was.”

  “I take it they decided to make you their guinea pig.”

  “Exactly.” Cait slid to the edge of the chair, pleased that Paul was following this rather convoluted explanation. “I was eight and considered something of a…pest.” She paused, hoping Paul would make some comment about how impossible that was. When he didn’t, she continued, a little let down at his restraint. “Apparently I was more of one than I remembered,” she said, with another forced laugh. “At eight, I didn’t think kissing was something nice girls did, at least not without a wedding band on their finger.”

  “So you kissed Joseph Rockwell,” Paul said absently.

  “Yes, but there was a tiny bit more than that. I made him marry me.”

  Paul’s eyebrows shot to the ceiling.

  “Now, almost twenty years later, he’s getting his revenge by going around telling everyone that we’re actually married. Which of course is ridiculous.”

  A couple of strained seconds followed her announcement.

  “I’m not sure what to say,” Paul murmured.

  “Oh, I wasn’t expecting you to say anything. I thought it was important to clear the air, that’s all.”

  “I see.”

  “He’s only doing it because…well, because that’s Joe. Even when we were kids he enjoyed playing these little games. No one really minded, though, especially not the girls, because he was so cute.” She certainly had Paul’s attention now.

  “I thought you should know,” she added, “in case you happened to hear a rumor or something. I didn’t want you thinking Joe and I were involved, or even considering a relationship. I was fairly certain you wouldn’t, but one never knows and I’m a firm believer in being forthright and honest.”

  Paul blinked. Wanting to fill the awkward silence, Cait chattered on. “Apparently Joe recognized my name when he and his men moved my office in here with yours. He was delighted when I didn’t recognize him. In fact, he caused a commotion by asking me about our children in front of everyone.”

  “Children?”

  “My dolls,” Cait was quick to explain.

  “Joe Rockwell’s an excellent man. I couldn’t fault your taste, Cait.”

  “The two of us aren’t involved,” she protested. “Good grief, I haven’t seen him in nearly twenty years.”

  “I see,” Paul said slowly. He sounded…disappointed, Cait thought. But she must have misread his tone because there wasn’t a single, solitary reason for him to be disappointed. Cait felt foolish now for even trying to explain this fiasco. Paul was so oblivious about her feelings that there was nothing she could say or do to make him understand.

  “I just wanted you to know,” she repeated, “in case you heard the rumors and were wondering if there was anything between me and Joseph Rockwell. I wanted to assure you there isn’t.”

  “I see,” he said again. “Don’t worry about it, Cait. What happened between you and Rockwell isn’t going to affect your job.”

  She stood up to leave, praying she’d detect a suggestion of jealousy. A hint of rivalry. Anything to show he cared. There was nothing, so she tried again. “I agreed to have dinner with him, though.”

  Paul had returned his attention to the papers he’d been reading when she’d interrupted him.

  “For old times’ sake,” she said in a reassuring voice—to fend off any violent display of resentment, she told herself. “I certainly don’t have any intention of dating him on a regular basis.”

  Paul grinned. “Have a good time.”

  “Yes, I will, thanks.” Her heart felt as heavy as a sinking battleship. Without knowingwhere she was headed or who she’d talk to, Cait wandered out of Paul’s office, forgetting for a second that she had no office of her own. The area where her desk once sat was cluttered with wire reels, ladders and men. Joe must have left, a fact for which Cait was grateful.

  She walked into Lindy’s small office across the hall. Her friend glanced up. “So?” she murmured. “Did you talk to Paul?”

  Cait nodded.

  “How’d it go?”

  “Fine, I guess.” She perched on the corner of Lindy’s desk, crossing her arms around her waist as her left leg swung rhythmically, keeping time with her discouraged heart. She should be accustomed to disappointment when it came to Paul, but somehow each rejection inflicted a fresh wound on her already battered ego. “I was hoping Paul might be jealous.”

  “And he wasn’t?”

  “Not that I could tell.”

  “It isn’t as though you and Joe have anything to do with each other now,” Lindy sensibly pointed out. “Marrying him was a childhood prank. It isn’t likely to concern Paul.”

  “I even mentioned that I was going out to dinner with Joe,” Cait said morosely.

  “You are? When?” Lindy asked, her eyes lighting up. “Where?”

  If only Paul had revealed half as much interest. “Tonight. And I don’t know where.”

  “You are going, aren’t you?”

  “I guess. I can’t see any way of avoiding it. Otherwise he’d pester me until I gave in. If I ever marry and have daughters, Lindy, I’m going to warn them about boys from the time they’re old enough to understand.”

  “Don�
�t you think you should follow your own advice?” Lindy asked, glancing pointedly in the direction of Paul’s office.

  “Not if I were to have Paul’s children,” Cait said, eager to defend her boss. “Our daughter would be so intelligent and perceptive she wouldn’t need to be warned.”

  Lindy’s smile was distracted. “Listen, I’ve got a few things to finish up here. Why don’t you go over to the deli and grab us a table. I’ll meet you there in fifteen minutes.”

  “Sure,” Cait said. “Do you want me to order for you?”

  “No. I don’t know what I want yet.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

  They often ate at the deli across the street from their office complex. The food was good, the service fast, and generally by three in the afternoon, Cait was famished.

  She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, which were muddled and gloomy after her talk with Paul, that she didn’t notice how late Lindy was. Her friend rushed into the restaurant more than half an hour after Cait had arrived.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, sounding flustered and oddly shaken. “I had no idea those last few chores would take me so long. Oh, you must be starved. I hope you’ve ordered.” Lindy removed her coat and stuffed it into the booth before sliding onto the red upholstered seat herself.

  “Actually, no, I didn’t.” Cait sighed. “Just tea.” Her spirits were at an all-time low. It was becoming painfully clear that Paul didn’t harbor a single romantic feeling toward her. She was wasting her time and her emotional energy on him. If only she’d had more experience with the opposite sex. It seemed her whole love life had gone into neutral the moment she’d graduated from college. At the rate things were developing, she’d still be single by the time she turned thirty—a possibility too dismal to contemplate. She hadn’t given much thought to marriage and children, always assuming they’d naturally become part of her life; now she wasn’t so sure. Even as a child, she’d pictured her grown-up self with a career and a family. Behind the business exterior was a woman traditional enough to hunger for that most special of relationships.