Holding On

by A. C. Bextor

  “Damn, well there are plenty of those Peril boys and other club boys to go around, right? And you tell Sadey Lyons she is one lucky bitch.” Hell, she’s actually more ornery than I thought. I’m going into Mama Bear mode after just meeting her, figures she would be familiar with Sadey, birds of a feather.

  “Yes, but you be careful. Not all those biker boys are friendly here, do you understand what I am saying and you hear me? Several of those boys in this area do not care about women, children, and laws and you do not want to get on their radar. So promise me to settle yourself and not just throw caution to the wind just for the chance to get involved with someone because they are tall, dark, and dangerous with a cut? If you really want to meet some nice laid back bikers I will see about getting you invited to a club party at Hem’s. They happen every week whether there is reason to party or not. Something tells me that you're not really the type to offend easy anyway. No personal offense, just an observation is all.”

  I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I want her to watch herself. She’s beautiful, young, and would make an easy target as biker prey, all 5’1 and 105 pounds of her.

  “Alright then mother, I will use caution and yes, if you could hook me up to a party that would be A-W-S-O-M-E. I’ve never even spoken to a man on a bike, Gramma keeps close watch on me other than when I’m at Shell Horns, only because she doesn’t know I’m there. They don’t allow colors in there which means I’ve never been socially around any of them.”

  Shit this child is wearing me down, I need to stop this now.

  “If you continue to call me mother, I’m going to share with Gramma that you have a fake ID and you know how to use it. You’ve already forewarned me about cutting me, so you can try, but I will be ready and waiting. Also, can we dial back on the spelling it out for me, maybe just at least until I get a few cups of coffee in the morning, every morning? It stumps me when I have to stop in the middle of the conversation and read the letters in my head. Bit embarrassing to be honest, you understand.”

  I smile hoping she isn’t upset at my rant. We’ve just met but already I’m about to bust out Mama Bear for real.

  “Yes, okay.” She sighs and looks around.

  “We better get cracking this morning because we have a lot of work to get done before Gramma comes in, if she comes in and things aren’t to her order then the rest of the day she makes life M-I-S-E...err... miserable.”

  She smiles shyly. Damn she’s cute. Surely there’s a good man out there willing to take care of her, because lord knows she’s a bit rambunctious! Whoever the man, he’s going to have to possess a strong hand or he’s going to get ran over!

  She finishes showing me around then brings me back to my desk. I get to sit up front, which I will enjoy. I love kids and there are still parents that believe in the actual book, just not for themselves. Elderly folks too, they come in because they have yet to adjust to the life of the internet. I’m really going to like my job, though. Maybe the day is looking up. Already its noon. I haven’t talked to anyone outside these walls because we have been so busy so I excuse myself for lunch and head towards the back room to warm up my food. I take out my phone to see a few missed calls from Shame but then see the text message.

  *SHAME: Tried 2 call u cpl x’s 2day tn relzed u wud b at wrk. Jst wnt 2 say hi n tht I will cu 2ngt. xxoo S.

  Dear heavens, this man has me in about as many word knots as Peyton. Why can’t people just use the English language as it is meant to be used? I’m tired and a bit annoyed today, this doesn’t help. These texts from Shame are always cryptic, as if he thinks he has to pay for each word when sending the text.

  Today has been a long day already and I’m so glad I agreed to start work on a Friday because I do miss Shame and I’m not going to see him all day. The weekend will give me another couple days to ease into a full week of work next week. Tonight is the patch and prospect party for the boys, so Shame and I will get to hang out all evening then will end up staying the rest of the night at the Club. I am really looking forward to being around my extended family just relaxing. Coming out of thought, I need to text him back so he doesn’t go all alpha with worry.

  *ME: Don’t be afraid to send multiple texts buddy, hard to decipher what you are saying but I miss you and am looking fwd to seeing you tonight, too. Love you. M.

  *SHAME: Ok I get your point. I look fwd to seeing you later I’ve got plans for that sassy mouth of yours and it has my cock twitching in my pants now. Spell that out enough for you Sweetheart? Love your face, g2g, Hem is on a rampage today.

  Yes, I bet dear Hem is still pouty. Good, let the boys at the Club take care of him cause Sadey looked crazed and in need of a break from his intensity.

  “You are looking quite taken, little Missy. Interesting phone call?” Peyton takes my lunch from microwave and brings it to me at the table as I shutdown my phone and put it away. That kid doesn’t miss a damn thing, I will have to watch for her going forward.

  “Thank you, and yes I was just talking to my man...err... boyfriend.” I giggle now because still, even after all the time that has passed, I can’t wrap my head around what Shame and I are. “He misses me, this is the first day I’ve had to actually wait to see him. He isn’t exactly a patient man when it is something he is waiting for.”

  “Mmmhmmm, who is he, do I know him? Generally a girl doesn’t look like you without some hunka hunka tail wrapped up on her.” She smiles and winks as she watches me blush. How is she just 19?

  “His road name is Shame, can’t really tell you more because it is the only name he.…”

  “SHUT UP!” She interrupts me in a flash.

  “I’m sorry Mace but I mean, SHUT UP! Girl that man is fine. Shoot, every time I see him out or God forbid have to be within any sort small distance of him, even if it’s just at the store, gas station, where ever, I gotta hold my breath. That man is like sex walking. Jesus woman, why did you get a job? If I were his woman I would seriously make it my full time job to be at his disposal anytime anywhere any day.” Good lord this child says what she means. I’m blushing feverishly now.

  “I would be happy to do that but ya know what they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” I’m reaching, trying to calm her hormones.

  “No idea what you’re even saying right now. I hear your words but they just don’t compute. Who wants absence from that man?” She looks at me like I’m not making any sense. Again, poor fella who gets her better be prepared. What a nut!

  “Maybe if my librarian career doesn’t pan out then I will rethink my full time job.”

  We giggle over lunch then prepare the library to open back up at one o’clock. Just four more hours and I’m headed towards Shame. Thank hell.

  *****

  “Don’t tease me woman, get up on here.”

  Shame is sitting on a barstool in the Club already enjoying a beer. I just walked in from work and I would love a shower and change of clothes so keeping this in mind I make quick work of having a shot of something strong, a heart stopping kiss to give my man a preview of what went through my mind all day without him, and in return I appreciate his heart stopping smile that does things to me, there.

  Then I make my way upstairs with my plan. He’s really not expecting my trickery but this right here tonight, is our first public outing as a couple. The last few Club parties we have skipped, per my request and Hem’s dismay. I just wanted to be sure that the Club skanks, brothers, and outsiders had time to adjust to the idea that Shame is off the radar, he’s no longer able to meet others ‘needs’. He is taken and he is mine. They can look, I can’t control that and still keep my sanity, but they cannot touch!

  I lay down for a quick nap, falling fast asleep trying to shake off my bad day and I’m determined to make this a good night, Shame and Hem leave the day after tomorrow for at least a week. They are going to Texas on the heels of Switch, Hem is certainly in revenge mode and although I’m very concerned for his safety, it is nice to see that he’s letting go
of the grief for Doc and heading into the angry state of mind so he can find whomever is responsible and give them something to think about.

  I’m woken by the sound of angry voices outside Shames door. Ace. I remember the sound of his voice from when he came to help take care of Sadey, now he sounds desperate. I can’t hear who he is talking to or what the conversation is about, but he’s upset and the man he’s going toe to toe with appears to have it handled and sends Ace back downstairs to help greet and join his new brothers being added to our family as prospects.

  We are also celebrating both Ace and Gunner becoming part of the family tonight. One would think Ace would be excited about this. The new cut patches arrived yesterday and Hem looked relieved to be adding them as part of his family. Unsure what exactly is going on among the brothers, I don’t get a good feeling for tonight. As long as Shame and I are good, I can take whatever anyone wants to throw our way.

  Out of the shower and dressed I take one last look in the mirror. I don’t even recognize myself. I’m wearing a red dress that compliments my brown eyes and hair. Dramatic makeup generally doesn’t fit me but tonight I look hot, even if it’s just me here to say it. I’ve left my hair hanging down my back in large curls, for additional effect. If I turn around just right and my hair moves, you can see the skin of my back and it is obvious I’m not wearing a bra. First time for me. I readjust my garter, which I bought in mind to make Shame crazy. I step into my black heels, reasonably inched to suit my height. I’ve never been in hurry to break my neck or fall or God forbid give the boys a show so these heels are perfect. I grab my phone from my bag and quickly text Sadey to see if she and Hem are here yet. She had told me via text when I got off work that she and Hem were headed to our house to ‘work their shit out’ before tonight as Hem told her.

  *ME: Got my beauty sleep, making my way down now. The party is about to kick out into full swing, hope you are already here and I see you down there, sister! Hugs. M.

  *SADEY: I’m here. Please hurry Mace, I need you.

  Shit. What the hell does that mean? Sadey is never serious when I’m talking to her in jest. Great, I’m hoping Hem hasn’t done anything stupid already. Maybe I better send a quick text to Shame so he can be on lookout for me or Hem to ensure he stays out of trouble.

  *ME: On way down sorry for delay baby, slept bit longer than planned. Something is wrong with Sadey, I’m concerned. Hoping it isn’t Hem, keep an eye out for them? xxoo M.

  Opening the door to the hall, I’m immediately consumed by brothers, women, drink, smoke, and of course sex. Good grief it must be a packed room if they are lingering all the way up here. Or maybe they are waiting and looking for open rooms. Good thinking, Mace. On that note I turn to lock Shame’s door to avoid a surprise in our bed later.

  All the way downstairs my stomach folds in nerves. I don’t see anyone when I arrive, anyone meaning Hem, Sadey, Shame, Ace, or anyone else I’m comfortably close with. Hell I don’t even see Kegs or Cherry. Weird how now I’m almost comfortable with those girls, they have taken their talons out of both Hem and Shame. I’m almost proud of them for this.

  I do spot Gunner though, sitting alone at the bar. He doesn’t look to be celebrating anything. He’s always so quiet and scary looking. Since I don’t see anyone else I make my way to him. He and I have never really talked so I’m determined to change something about that now.

  “Hi Mace, looking for Shame? I just saw Hem with him, called him outside I think. I don’t know what they were looking at but Hem didn’t look pleased.” He’s trying to come off as casual but the worry lines in his brow are sending out mixed signals of concern.

  “Nah, I’m not really looking for anyone per se, just wanted to get a quick drink for courage before I face the party. Tonight is the first night Shame and I are making ourselves public. Not that we are celebrities or royalty or anything, just ya know, it’s more for me really. I didn’t want us to jump out in the open and then I have to remove my claws from some bitch’s eyes.” He laughs.

  Now that I remember, I have never heard Gunner actually laugh. He only has ever scowled at me in Hem’s wake. Maybe I was wrong about him too, as I was wrong about Ace and probably Kegs.

  Speaking of Ace, I want to find him and check on him. After he and I had our heart to heart about Sadey I really haven’t talked to him and now I know for a fact he hasn’t had a great night upstairs, maybe I can help him.

  “Have you seen Ace by chance, Gunner?” He looks at me skeptically. He doesn’t want to answer this question and now I’m nervous as hell. “Gunner, where’s Ace? If you know then you have to tell me because if you don’t tell me then that means I go looking all over hell for him and no telling what I run into doing this. Do you want me opening every door to every sexcapade in my determination to find him?” I look at him with sad eyes, hoping he falls for this.

  “Mace, I think you need to sit this one out. Stay here with me, I’m thirsty so let’s get some shots and line them up. I’m evening willing to offer up a bet that you can’t hold your whiskey for more than three shots. Besides Mace, this is not something that concerns you and I personally would like to not see you being witness to it. Hell, according to Hem even now that I’m a patched in member here, this doesn’t include me either.”

  “Gunner, you suck at stalling. Tell me where everyone is at, I don’t even see Sadey and I know she’s down here because she told me to hurry and she was scared. Something is wrong, you have to tell me!” I’m aware I’m shouting now, but don’t care.

  “Fine. Dammit Mace, Ace decided he would get hammered early today before the patch party and well, when people drink that much that fast it tends to have the truth serum effect.”

  “Shit Gunner, you have to tell me where Hem took him! You have to tell me now. He’s your brother too. You know Hem, and if what I think happened then Ace needs someone to help him.”

  I know said too much, I’ve just insinuated that I know what was said to Hem from Ace. I’m trusting Gunner doesn’t rat me out to Hem later.

  “Dammit woman, you fucking knew? You knew how he felt about her and you said nothing? Holy shit, Hem is going to lose his shit and I mean really, he was borderline in losing his shit when Ace got in his face about Sadey and telling Hem how to treat her, but you want to go waltzing down there telling those boys who have him right fucking now that you already knew, Jesus Christ Mace, what the hell are you doing? Now I sure as fuck don’t want to tell you and send you into that mess, Dammit Mace. For the sister of the President of our Club, you don’t think much, do you?”

  I deserve his anger. I didn’t say anything because I really thought Ace was going to let it go, I should have known the moment he actually referred to her as his, mishap or not, he wasn’t going to be able to forget about her. Love is tricky that way. Shit.

  “Please Gunner, I can leave you out of all this, please you have to tell me.”

  “They are in the back of the compound, Mace. Behind all the work sheds, into the timber a bit. There is a slab of concrete that they take others who need a talking too and Mace, I’m only telling you this because Hem took Sadey with him. She was frantic. She was begging him to just let her explain and so he grabbed her telling her she could explain on the way. Go see if you can help her. Surely Hem wouldn’t punish her would he? Even if she betrayed him in the worst way, he wouldn’t lay a hand on her, would he?”

  I see regret in Gunner’s eyes. He may be rethinking his commitment to the club now. For so long Gunner was an independent, a man who lived the biker life but was free to roam, never committing to any Club specifically.

  Without thinking I lean into Gunner and quickly kiss his cheek, wanting to ease his mind that he did the right thing telling me and how I appreciate his honesty. I don’t have time right now to yield his guilt completely.

  He doesn’t move but glances around the room taking inventory of who just saw me kiss him. I send him an apologizing glance and make my way to the back door. I’ve only known that pad of
cement to be used for one of two things. To beat one of our own out of a confession or to punish someone of another cut for a brotherhood crime then send they back to their gang sending a message. Talking to no one I mumble in the darkness, “Oh Ace, hold on buddy, I’m coming.”

  I take off my heels and sprint to where I can hear the pounding of flesh and Sadey is whimpering. Stepping in from behind the shed, I nearly faint. Ace is tied up in a standing position, hanging from a wooden post, as two nameless brothers take aim at his body in turn. Hem has his hand tightly over Sadey’s face to muffle her cries, and she leans into him behind her. She’s frantic, I’m unsure how long she’s had to witness this. Shame catches my eye and he looks so pissed. They don’t know that I knew about this so his anger is all for Ace and probably Sadey now, most likely she’s already been mentally convicted of an imaginary crime. She’s an innocent in this, she really did not know anything about how Ace felt.

  “Hem make them stop, please.” Hem turns to find me standing behind he and Sadey. He drops Sadey immediately from his grip and sets his furious eyes at me. She’s sobbing on her knees trying to avoid looking at any of us.

  “Hold up a second boys.” He roars to his brothers. Then comes back at me. “You take her back up the fucking Clubhouse. She’s seen enough, but she needed to see what happens to brothers who interfere with another brother’s woman. This ain’t personal, this is code, and it is how we live. She wants to be part of this life, then by God she needs to really get a flavor for it.”

  I look directly into Hem’s face, my eyes are full of defiance. “No I’m not leaving.” My eyes never leaving Hem’s, my chin remains strong as I continue. “Sadey go now, go back to the house and talk to no one. If you would rather not go to Hems room then go to Shames, it’s locked but Gunner can get you in. He’s sitting at the bar. No one finds out about this, so don’t forget, you say nothing. I will be there shortly to take us home, you can’t drive in this state so don’t leave without me with you. Pack your bag because you aren’t coming back here.”