by Alice Moore
“He fucked up. And it’s not illegal if no one knows about it. Duct taped his mouth shut. He’ll be fine. I’ve done this before.” Casting a nasty snarl across the table, Frank reached to support his head on his enormous arms. At 36 years old he shouldn’t have been so muscular- I certainly didn’t know anyone aside from him that looked such a way at the pique of their life. “Anyway, maybe some time to think about his actions will help him realize he’s an idiot.”
A soft chime pulled my attention, and I fished my pocket for my cell phone to watch Anna’s name flash. My smile dulled, thumb hesitant to swipe the button that would accept her call. Holding my breath, I shook my head before stuffing my phone back into my pocket.
“See, that’s exactly why you should break up with her, Will.” The jibe only pulled a grunt from me, and Nash didn’t bother to say anything more. His point had been driven home, and I focused on my food instead of the implications of what I’d just done.
Waking up the next morning on one of Nash’s many guest beds, I stared at the ceiling to reflect on the night before. Frank, Nash and I had gotten adequately drunk, but Natalie just watched on with a smile and snacks in her hands. It felt like college, and my lips quirked in a stupid smirk even as envy spread through my chest.
Stomping lazily down the stairs, I followed the smell of bacon into the kitchen to stretch my arms high. Blinking away the discomfort of the bright sun, I swiped my hand through my beard with a tired groan.
I’m too old to be partying until 2am… The thought twisted my face, and I dropped my tired body onto a kitchen chair to sprawl heavily.
“You look like shit, William.” I couldn’t even summon the energy to respond, and Natalie placed a cup of coffee in front of me with a sigh. “I’m sorry you’re having such a tough go of it.”
“It’s okay, Nat. I’m not going to stay, though. I have to get back home to look over the presentations for this expansion into industrial solutions.” Grabbing the cup, I downed the black brew in a few, scalding gulps. The heat sent a shock to my system, and I shook my head wildly. “Thanks for the coffee.”
“No problem.”
The day was cold but bright, and I took a deep breath of the crisp air to sigh heavily. Relaxation coursed through my muscles, and I slowly pulled my keys out of my jean pocket as I wandered down the driveway. It’d snowed lightly overnight, and I climbed into my car to let it heat up, sinking into the driver’s seat.
“Risha…” Just mumbling her name stirred something in my chest, and I reached to cover my face with my arm. “Does breaking up with one woman specifically for another make me an asshole?”
Last night’s dinner talk floated around in my mind, and I pursed my lips together. Damn. I need to get it together. My phone chimed, and my chest tightened as I pulled out the device with stiff fingers. Anna’s name flashed, and I ground my teeth together before swiping the ‘accept’ button.
“Hey.” Foreboding swirled in my gut, and Anna’s overly sweet voice gyrated against my eardrums. “William, are you excited for tonight? I know I am.”
It’s like too sweet cake frosting. There’s no way she’s real.
“Yeah. 6:30p.m. right? I’ll be there.” Flat and void, my voice alone should’ve given Anna a hint if she bothered to listen close enough, and she laughed into the receiver.
“I’m so happy. I’ve been anxious about it all week, and I know you had your guys’ night last night. So, don’t be late, and don’t forget to wear a tie. This is very important.”
“Maybe I would acknowledge the importance if you told me what was going on, Anna.” Annoyance bled into my voice, and Anna was quiet as I flicked on my windshield wipers with a jerk. Being surprised was one thing, but my gut screamed that this was something else entirely. I didn’t particularly like surprises, anyway, and my lips twisted into a grimace as possibilities ran through my head.
“You’ll see tonight, William. No need to be hasty, now. I have to go into work now- I was just calling to check on you. You didn’t answer all night… I got worried.” My mind turned to every other time Anna had changed the conversation from her to me. Even when I specifically told her I would be busy, she still called me. At first, it’d been flattering, but now it was just annoying.
“I had fun last night. It’s been a while since all of the guys got together. It was a little weird without Luca, though.” Pulling on my seat belt, I ground my molars together as Anna laughed into her end of the line. The sound was almost condescending instead of light and airy, and I started to wonder if Nash was right.
Maybe I had just dated Anna because it’d been half past forever.
“Well, I have faith that he’ll pull himself together. Soon you’ll be friends again- I just know it… but I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, William.” What a vague answer. Hanging up before I had a chance to respond, Anna left me with a cold spreading through my chest. She’d never even met Luca, and she didn’t really know much about what he was going through.
Drugs… drinking… partying… Our relationship is dying. With that thought at the forefront of my mind, I slowly backed out of the driveway. Luca was my oldest friend, and my heart ached for him- but I couldn’t condone what he was doing to himself. Anna didn’t understand that, though, because she had no close friends.
Driving slowly down the road slicked with slush, I glanced at my phone as it rested on the center console. Risha was in there, and anxiety formed a tight ball in my gut. I had waited for a text that never came; even then I had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t because she was avoiding me. She’d quit her job, I remembered; that promised a whirlwind of activity trying to find a new one.
Heaving a sigh, I reached for the device to make my way to Risha’s contact information. Her housemate had given it to me, taking the precious moment away from her fooling around with Martin. My lips twitched at the memory, and I shook my head before securing my phone to my ear to listen to the ring.
“Hello?” Risha’s voice was husky and soft, and I held my breath for a heartbeat as I let it wash over me.
“Risha? It’s William… I was wondering if you’re available?” Crackling and shuffling sounded in my ear, and I glanced at the clock with a frown. The neon green letters read 9:23a.m., and I couldn’t imagine she slept in.
“Oh crap!” A loud squeal pulled me from my thoughts, and my car swerved dangerously when I jerked in surprise. “I’m so late! My interview! Crap- crap…”
Groaning lowly into the receiver, Risha muttered something I couldn’t understand before a soft thump reached me.
“I’m too late. I’m going to miss it… There’s no way I can make it for 10…” The dismay in her voice was potent, and I cleared my throat roughly to get her attention. My mind whirled a mile a minute, and the speaker crackled in expectation before I opened my mouth.
“I’m actually in my car- I can give you a ride.” Smooth, William. Way to go… not.
“Really? Thank you! Okay- I’ll be ready in, like, 15 minutes.” Just like that Risha hung up on me, but unlike with Anna a smile curved my lips. The difference was startling between the two, and I set my phone down to fiddle with the GPS.
Chapter Seven: Risha
“Thank you so much for this, William. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if I had to go back and beg Anthony’s forgiveness… I don’t think I could recover from that.” Sliding into William’s sleek, expensive car, I closed the door and set my purse on my lap before looking at him. His hair was ruffled, clothes somewhat wrinkled, but my eyes widened at the simple fact that he looked so relaxed and at ease. “You look… good? I mean- you look like you slept in your clothes, but you slept really good.”
Heat suffused my cheeks at how stupid I sounded, and William laughed a hearty sound. Pulling off the curb, he glanced over at me with a grin.
“I did sleep in my clothes. I spent the night with a few friends. It would’ve been a guys’ night, but Nash’s pregnant girlfriend cooked for us, got us new beers- stuff like that.
He really got what he wanted with her.” Arching an eyebrow in question, my own smile was wide at how giddy William seemed, and he cleared his throat as we took the first of many turns. “They met at a BDSM informative seminar about four months ago. Nash’s brother is a good friend of mine- has been for nearly 30 years.”
Surprise rippled through me, and I tore my eyes off William to stare out onto the wet, soggy world beyond the windshield. My mind flew back to that night at the bar, and my neck tingled from the memory of his warm, solid palm against my flesh. Holding my breath, pressure built against my ribs before I let it out in a gust.
“I- I’m sorry about that night at the bar, William. It’s just… it’s about Anna-“ Cut off by a familiar palm covering my mouth, I tensed as William shook his head.
“Don’t. I don’t want to talk about Anna. I’m breaking up with her at this thing tonight.” Sitting rigid, my jaw would’ve dropped if William wasn’t holding my mouth closed, and only when I twisted to look at him did he release me. “It took me a while to realize I was just in a relationship with her because it felt good to say it. You really set it all in motion, but none of this is your fault, Risha.”
“Is it because we kissed? Because of what happened at the bar…? And in your car?” Everything I was about to blurt out disappeared from my mind, and William nodded firmly. A volatile mix of shame and triumph clashed in my chest, and I reached to run my hand through my hair. The silence was deafening, but it disappeared after a few, long seconds when he spoke up.
“Yes. I can’t put into words how idiotic I feel for not realizing Anna’s true intentions earlier. I mean, I’m 42 years old- I run a company that spans oceans, and yet I couldn’t accurately gauge someone. But meeting you really opened my eyes, and I’m grateful to you for that, Risha. I don’t regret kissing you or what else I did that night. I can’t even remember the last time I got that urge… so, thank you.”
He’s younger than my mom by 4 years… that makes a little bit of sense. My brain burned trying to keep up with what William was telling me, and I sunk into my seat. The pulse points in my neck throbbed, a physical memory of how good it felt to be caressed. Taking a deep breath, air pushed away some of the shame I felt; I didn’t regret the kiss either.
Or the ‘what else’ William had done to me. I could only faintly remember being on his lap, his harsh voice ringing in my ears. Everything else was a blur until I woke up the next morning in my bed.
“Erh- you’re welcome… What do you mean by ‘urge’? Like-… sex? Or…” Heat nestled in my abdomen even as my words failed me, and William gave a shrug.
“Both. I’ve been celibate for nearly 10 years… although it wasn’t always the case. I’m the one that introduced Nash to BDSM. I stopped right before I got my first Eastern European contract… thought it was just a part of my past. But with you, Risha, I find myself doing and wanting things without even realizing it.” William spoke like we were discussing the weather while I was drowning in embarrassment. Our age difference was glaringly obvious, and I shoved my fists between my thighs to find they were hotter than the air blasting from the vents.
“I- I mean… I’m flattered… I think? I dabbled a little in college, but then Cynthia got sick and there was no time anymore for anything like that. She couldn’t drive, so I had to bring to all of her appointments and stuff. I ended up dropping out because I missed so many classes. But- anyway… I guess now I know why you’re dating Anna and not surrounded by kids and grandkids.” Pursing my lips together to keep myself from rambling, I rubbed my arms awkwardly against my sides in the hopes that William didn’t notice the goosebumps that rose on my skin. “I’ve always wanted a dad. I’ve always resented my dad for not being around, but I don’t and will never know if it’s because he doesn’t know or he doesn’t care. You would probably be a great dad, William.”
“That’s not what I expected you to say considering I am old enough to be your father and just told you I’m sexually interested in you, Risha.” William chuckled lowly, and I let loose an embarrassed, weak giggle before he sighed heavily. “Where’s your interview again? I don’t know where I’m going.”
“Oh- erh…” Digging into my purse, my hands trembled lightly at the sudden switch in conversation. Pulling out the letter I’d been sent, I scanned the tiny print before opening my mouth again. “Holden Enterprises. I sent out my resume to a bunch of publicly listed, corporate e-mails, and they actually got back to me.”
“… Anna really didn’t tell you anything about me other than I was rich, did she?” It took a long time for William to speak, and the dark, condescending tone caused a lump to form in my throat. Disgust rippled across his features, and his arms flexed under his shirt as he adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. “Who’re you interviewing under? Did you get a name?”
“Er- erh-h…” Turning back to the page, I blinked hard to clear the confusion from my vision. “Samantha Runwald. She’s the regional customer service manager. I’ve only done secretary work, but customer service is pretty much the same, right?”
“Not really. If you want, I can try to get you into a secretarial position. I know a couple upper management are always having trouble finding good people.” Scrunching my face at the idea, I immediately shook my head.
“No- no… I really don’t like working. I have enough in my savings for years since I split with Cynthia. I just… I don’t want to be lazy.” Carefully tucking my letter back in my bag, I pulled my lower lip between my teeth to frown. “I hate the idea of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my mom in my reflection. She was handed everything in life because she was pretty an-“
“I understand, Risha.” Reaching to grasp my hand, William laced our fingers together to squeeze comfortingly. The action shot straight to my heart, and my breath hitched in my throat. “You don’t have to tell me. So… heavy topics aside… why do you love dinosaurs so much?”
My pulse skyrocketed at the question, and blood filled my head. Groaning softly, I reached to twirl a lock of my hair as the streets became more crowded. We still had a 10 minute drive to Holden Enterprises offices, and I waited a moment to get my heart rate under control.
“I always have. I wanted to be a paleontologist when I was younger. They’re just so fascinating… there’s so many different kinds… It’s like space exploration for me. Endless possibilities.” Sighing dreamily at the very idea of it all, I let go of my strands with a smile. The fact that I didn’t have a chance to do my hair didn’t phase me, and I pulled the long mass over my shoulder before William spoke up.
“When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. I think every little kid wants to do that, though. It wasn’t until middle school that I really realized what a big world this is, and that I wanted to see it all. I’ve been to a lot of places.”
“I’ve always wanted to go to a bone bed… to get a real dinosaur fossil of my own. There’s a bone bed in Utah that’s famous for its Allosaurus fossils- I want one so bad.” Excitement blossomed in my chest, pushing away all of the other feelings that had been unleashed on this car ride. “I imagine it feels a lot like seeing a new place for the first time.”
“Maybe… but I can always go back any day I want. I doubt it’s that easy to find a new fossil. When Cynthia told me you had lizards, dinosaurs wasn’t exactly what I pictured.” Humming softly, I turned out the window as my mind went to my friend. Cynthia’s image bubbled up in my mind’s eye, and William stopped at the back of a long line of cars waiting at a light before speaking up. “Does she always answer the door without a shirt on?”
“Yeah. She’s so beautiful, but not having her breasts anymore… it was like more than just those were taken. Her oncology doctor told her she’d get used to it and learn to love herself again, but she’s still struggling with it. Any chance she gets- mostly with delivery guys- she won’t wear anything to help her build her self-esteem.” Glancing down at my own chest, I took a big breath to watch the mounds strain against my bra and blouse. “I
t happened three years ago now. They offered Cynthia implants, but she didn’t want them. If she couldn’t have real breasts she didn’t want any at all.”
“Martin is good for her, you know. I financed his first movie after a friend of mine e-mailed me about him six years ago. He became an actor after his mom’s first bout with breast cancer because he didn’t have the money to support her.”
“You don’t think he’s just being sympathetic?” Carefully voicing my fears as we inched forward, I nibbled my bottom lip. Cynthia had never been in a real relationship; not that I was one to talk. I had a boyfriend in high school, but not since. Across the cabin William shook his head, leaning back against his seat with a soft groan.
“I doubt it. Greatly. He’s not the kind of guy to date someone out of sympathy, especially if he knows exactly what’s going on. Even if he did, he’d be very straightforward about it… Not to mention I didn’t take him to be the type to have pity sex with a woman. Despite knowing him for so long, we only really talk during social events we attend. Ever since I first called him he’s a straight-laced, no nonsense type. He comes off as humble, but it’s really just a strong sense of direction.”
Silence filled the car, broken only by the soft squeal of the brakes whenever William laid off them to roll forward. Staring out at the city, I let his assurances ease the uncertainty in my gut. Martin came over often, but to me his and Cynthia’s relationship seemed a bit fast.
Glancing at William, my field of vision narrowed as my heart started to beat harder. Tonight was going to be a disaster, I knew; every time I worked up the courage to call him, I somehow chickened out. I was in too deep with him, but even that excuse didn’t settle well with me.
“You know… about Anna… I don’t want you to break up with her because of me. I never wanted to hurt you… the exact opposite, actually. I’ve done it before- warned guys about her, but they usually ignored me until they realized for themselves that she only wanted their money. You’d be surprised at how they thought that because I know her, I’d do something with them to cover her debt… or maybe not.” Speaking slowly, clearly, I held my breath as anticipation wormed its way into my gut. Tilting his head, William watched me through narrowed eyes as his expression blanked out. Just like at the theater, he gave nothing away. That’s not good, right?
