Plenty Proud

by Jeanie P Johnson

  “Yes. I want to get out of the cabin for a bit and I am anxious to discover what happened to our cabin. Make me a crutch to use, just in case I need it,” she suggested.

  Griz smiled. She looked so innocent and trusting. He never wanted her to leave his side. She was a hard worker and always obeyed him without complaint. He hadn’t realized how a little company could make such a big difference in his life. Maybe eventually, he would decide to have a family with her, if things went right, he thought selfishly to himself. Then she would be bound to him in more ways than one.

  Mackenzie had to admit the trek up the mountain was not an easy one. It was just as hard as it had been coming down the mountain, wading through all that deep snow. She leaned heavily on the crutch Griz had fashioned for her, and had to stop and rest several times, while Griz kept grumbling about regretting he had let her come along. Her skirts were constantly being grabbed by underbrush and low tree limbs. The hem of her wool dress was already tattered from her trip down the mountain, but it was all she had to wear, other than the nightshirt. She was thinking that if they did not find the bodies of her father and brother, once her foot healed completely, she would leave Griz’s cabin and strike out to find her family again. The thought was the only thing that kept her going.

  “Look,” Mackenzie cried, when they had gotten halfway up the mountain, “it’s the table I was under when the snow covered me.

  The table sat at a precarious angle, one leg missing, with the quilt hanging from it, half on the ground and half on the table. She saw the discarded table leg not too far off, remembering how she had frantically tried to look for Caleb. She wondered if her father had even been near the snow slide at the time. Perhaps he had escaped it altogether and was out looking for her right now. Certainly, he would return to the cabin to see if her remains were there or not, if he was still alive.

  Farther up, they could see what remained of the cabin. Some of the walls were still intact, but the roof was gone, and the cabin was leaning against several trees where it had come to a stop and busted apart at the impact. Their belongings were scattered in every direction, some of it buried under portions of roof, and other things hanging in tree branches.

  Mackenzie sank down onto a little three-legged stool that was sitting upright, looking out of place, and started sobbing.

  Griz gave her a look of pity mixed with a little irritation. He didn’t like it when she blubbered, and he had broken her of it when she first tried to soften him with her tears. He wanted her to realize that tears did not work on him, since he was a hard-nosed individual, but now, he gave her leeway, considering her tears were not meant to coax him into relenting in his demands of her.

  “I’ll go scout around, to see ifen I ken find any signs of yer kinfolk,” he told her softly, with a touch of tenderness in his voice that Mackenzie did not even recognize. “Ya sit tight. Ifen I find anythin’, it would be best ifen ya didn’t see it anyways,” he insisted.

  She realized he was right, and sat trembling on the stool as she watched him depart up the mountain in the direction to where the cabin once stood.

  For one crazy moment, she felt like getting up from the stool and heading down the mountain, never to lay eyes on Griz again. If she had enough of a head start, she could hide and wait until Griz had passed by before proceeding in her escape. Only she wanted to discover if Caleb or her father were actually dead or not. It was the only thought that kept her glued to the stool she sat upon.

  Mackenzie occupied herself by looking at all the scattered belongs on the ground and in the trees, remembering past memories that each article brought to mind. It was a mixture of pleasure and sadness. As much as she hated it in that little cabin, it had been home where she could spend time with her father and brother, if nothing else. She saw a pile of hides that were bundled together, and thought she should bring them back to Griz’s place. When they went to the trading post to sell Griz’s hides, she could sell Pa’s hides too and make a little money for herself in order to pay for a stage back to Missouri, if she could manage it, she thought, brightening a little. If there was no stage, maybe she could join some trappers who took their hides all the way back to Missouri to sell because they could get more for them there.

  Beaver hides were the most in demand because the beaver hat companies paid a high price for them. Buffalo hides were starting to become popular as well, but the buffalo hunters, remained in the plains to hunt. Those seeking the smaller hides lived by the rivers and in the mountains where those animals were more abundant. They also trapped fox and raccoon, which were used for making coats. Mink brought the highest price, but there was not as much of a demand for it. High society women were the only ones who could afford the luxurious fur coats made from mink hides. It took so many of them to make a coat, since mink were not very large. There was a mixture of all in the bundle of hides, sitting propped up against a tree as though someone had actually leaned them there.

  Mackenzie limped over and dragged the bundle back to her stool and sat down again, waiting for Griz to return. It seemed forever before she finally saw him coming towards her. She couldn’t tell by the expression on his face, one way or the other, of what he had found. When he reached her, he just gave her a shrug.

  “I found the carcasses of yer mules. Most of the meat was off the bones, probably eaten by wolves. Couldn’t find a dad-blasted indication of what happened ta yer menfolk, though” he told her, removing his raccoon hat, and scratching the top of his head. “Either they both escaped, or some wild animal dragged their bodies off an’ ate ‘em.”

  Mackenzie shuddered at the thought. To her, it was a sure sign that they had gotten out alive, and were somewhere looking for her, she hoped.

  “I’m going to bring my Pa’s hides back with us,” she informed Griz. “When we take your hides in, I want to sell them. If my Pa or Caleb doesn’t find me before then, I’m going back to Missouri.”

  Griz paused, feeling as though she had struck him in the face. “Now, Missy, ifen your folks show up ta claim ya, I will be right happy,” he lied, “but, ifen they don’t, I can’t letcha travel all by yerself back ta Missouri. There’s a roof right here over yer head, and I’d take good care of ya.”

  Mackenzie looked away, knowing what kind of ‘good care’ he was indicating, and she didn’t want any part of it, even if she never found Caleb or her father.

  “If they don’t come for me, or we can’t find anyone at the trading post who have seen them, I’m leaving, Griz. You’ve nursed me enough, and I’m better now. There is no reason to stay on this mountain anymore.”

  “I could use the company,” he mumbled, giving her a sideways glance, trying to think of ways to compel her to stay.

  “Only I don’t have a reason to stay,” Mackenzie said firmly. “I appreciate all you have done for me, but I’ve more than paid you back in services for your care of me, so I think we are even,” she told him, sticking to her guns.

  Griz gave her a weak smile. “It’ll be a while before we go to the tradin’ post. I’ll just letcha think on it till then.”

  “I won’t change my mind, Griz. I’m tired of having your hands on me, like I was some easy woman. My Pa would kill you if he knew what you have been doing and calling it nursing me back to health!”

  “Now one minute there, Missy. Don’t ya be accusin’ me of mistreatin’ ya! If it weren’t fer me, youda been frozen solid. So just count yer blessin’s! Ya owe me a lot more’n what I been taken in pleasure!”

  “I don’t care, and from now on, I’ll thank you to keep your hands off of me,” she hissed.

  Griz stepped forward, and with one smooth movement, before Mackenzie even knew what was happening, he had swung his large, callused, hand, swiping her across the face so hard, it caused her to fall off of the stool. Mackenzie squealed in pain, holding her cheek as she glared up at him.

  “Now, ya need ta show me a bit more respect than that, Missy, if ya know what’s good fer ya!” he growled. “Ifen ya want ta b
ring the pelts, yer gonna havta carry ‘em yerself,” he stated, and then turned, heading down the mountain before she could even get to her feet.

  Mackenzie pulled herself up with her crutch, as tears of pain stung her lids and slid down her face. She grabbed the rope attached to the bundle of hides, and began dragging them behind her. This made her all the more determined to leave Griz. She started making inner plans of how she would escape the cabin while he was out working the traps, and go to the trading post by herself. She realized her plan was useless, though. She didn’t even know where the trading post was.

  By the time they reached the cabin, Mackenzie was out of breath. Her cheek still stung, where Griz’s hand had landed, and searing pain was consuming her foot and shooting up her leg. She left the hides on the front porch, limped into the cabin and collapsed onto the bed, moaning in pain.

  “Now, stop ye blubberin’,” Griz bellowed.

  Mackenzie ignored him, pulling the covers around her.

  “Don’t be laying in the bed with yer clothes on,” he scolded. “That dress is downright filthy!”

  He pulled the covers aside, and started, grabbing at Mackenzie’s dress, working it off of her. When he was through, he didn’t bother to give her the nightshirt, so Mackenzie weakly crawled under the covers without it. She fell asleep as soon as she laid her head down.

  Mackenzie woke to the feel of Griz’s hands on her, but pretended to be asleep. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction to believe she was awake, liking or disliking what he was doing. There were times when it felt pleasant enough, but even then, she felt dirty for even liking how it felt, knowing it was all wrong to be with him like that. She tried to block it all out by thinking about how she was going to leave him as soon as she sold her pelts and had a little money to take care of her needs, so she wouldn’t have to rely on his help any longer.

  “Ya, can’t leave me,” Griz was mumbling, as his touching began to feel desperate. “I won’t letcha!”

  Now his hands became rough and demanding, as though he wanted to punish her for her even suggesting it. Mackenzie began to whimper with fright, as he started to take out his anger and frustration on her. When she tried to wriggle away, he merely held her tighter, pinning her down with his leg, forcing her to allow him whatever access he demanded, his hand moving hard against her in his need to make her suffer, the way he felt he was suffering at the thought of her leaving him.

  “You’re hurting me!” Mackenzie cried.

  “Stop balking!” he roared. “Ya think I care? Yer mine, whether ya think so or not! Just be glad I don’t take ya right here on the spot!”

  When she realized he wasn’t going to stop, and feared he might do some damage to her, she started screaming at the top of her lungs. The sound caught Griz off guard, because she kept screaming as though she was never going to stop and believed he was trying to kill her. Hell, he didn’t want to kill her! He backed off, slapped her in the face, to stop her screaming, and then pushed her to the other side of the bed.

  “Shut yerself up!” he growled. “Now go ta sleep!”

  In the morning, Griz didn’t make Mackenzie get up to do any chores. He left her a bowl of porridge on the table. When she opened her eyes, she could see he was gone, probably out checking his traps. Soon, trapping would be over and it would be time to bring all the pelts to the trading post. Mackenzie couldn’t wait. Last night proved to her that Griz could become cruel if he didn’t get his way. She only prayed she could find her father or brother alive somewhere. It would be so much easier, because then, Griz would have to let her go. Otherwise, she worried that he would force her to stay, perhaps even locking her up to make sure she didn’t leave him.

  She decided she wouldn’t bring the subject up again, and not complain if Griz wished to touch her. She would not have to suffer too much longer, she hoped, and up until yesterday, he had treated her much kinder.

  When Griz returned to the cabin, Mackenzie busied herself doing the chores, ignoring Griz, as he started skinning his catch. She was silent during the meal, and wouldn’t even look at him. She decided she would not talk to him again unless absolutely necessary, until they went to the trading post. Griz gave her a glowered look, angry that she wouldn’t talk to him.

  There had been a time in the beginning when she prattled on about her family and living in Missouri, her childhood experiences and living on the mountain with her father and brother. Now all he got was silence. When he spoke to her, she would merely shrug or nod, but not a word escaped her mouth. He knew she was angry with him for the way he had treated her, but he was certain that, eventually, she would get over it.

  As the days dragged on, and Mackenzie still refused to talk to him, Griz started to get angry at her and demanded she speak to him. She merely started laughing hysterically. She knew that no matter what he did, he could not force her to talk and it was the only power she had over him, where he couldn’t force his will up on her, regardless of what he did to her.

  “Ya ungrateful chit!” he bellowed. “I feed ya, and give ya a warm place ta live and this is how ya show yer thanks?”

  At the time, Mackenzie was fleshing out a hide. She stood up, glared at him, and threw the knife down, causing it to stick in the warn floorboards. Then she kicked the hide aside, and tromped over to the bed, lying down on top of the covers. All she had been doing this whole time was slaving for him, and he didn’t think she was showing any thanks? He could do all the dad-blamed work himself from now on, she told herself. He could beat her raw, and she wouldn’t turn a finger for him again. He would be begging her to leave by the time they were ready to sell the pelts, she smoldered inside.

  Griz jumped up and shook his fist at her. Whadya do that fer?” he roared. “Ya think ya ken just stop workin’?

  In answer, Mackenzie rolled over, facing the wall with her back to him, placed her hands over her ears, and started singing a hymn at the top of her lungs.”

  Griz stood frozen, staring at her. The song haunted him because it was a song his mother used to sing. It made him feel guilty. He wanted to shake her until she stopped singing, but he had a feeling she wouldn’t stop singing, and he’d end up hurting her. Instead, he turned and stomped out of the cabin. Mackenzie turned and started laughing. Just another week or so and she would never have to look at his hairy face again, she promised herself.

  For the next week, Mackenzie refused to turn a finger except for fixing the meals. Since he was feeding her, she felt it only right. Otherwise, she merely sat on the bed and watched Griz take care of the pelts. The cabin became as disheveled as it had been when she first showed up. He could just get used to things being the way they were before she came, she told herself. If it made him unhappy, he could just find one of those Indian women and take her as his wife to mistreat and do all the chores, for all she cared.

  When the time finally came, Mackenzie was overwhelmed with excitement. She couldn’t’ wait to leave. She caught a glimpse of herself in the window as she stood on the front porch waiting for Griz to get the mule. There were no mirrors in the cabin, and she hadn’t even thought about it, but now, she merely stared at herself in shock. Her curly, red hair was in tangles around her face, and it didn’t look all too clean. She had only been able to bathe in a tin tub, while Griz watched on, a few times during her stay. The dress she wore was in tatters, and as Griz had mentioned before, downright filthy! She didn’t even recognize herself. She actually looked ugly. In fact, the excited look in her eyes made her appear half-crazy! She felt half-crazy. Her green eyes started to brim with tears at the sight, and she turned away, grabbing up her bundle of hides, deciding to ignore her appearance. Only the sight wouldn’t leave her head.

  “What are ya blubbering about?” Griz asked, noticing her tears. “Ya sad at leaving here, are ya?” he chuckled sarcastically.

  She didn’t answer him. She was overjoyed at leaving.

  Griz hadn’t expected her to answer. He had almost forgotten what the sound of her voice was l
ike. Only he still craved the feel of her under his hand, and regardless of whether she ever spoke to him again, if they couldn’t’ find her kinfolks, there was no way he was going to let her leave.

  Griz packed up the hides on his one and only mule, but because of his anger at her for not speaking to him, he informed her she would have to carry her own pelts. It was a three day walk from here, he told her. They would have to camp on the way.

  Mackenzie squared her shoulders. She was willing to suffer anything in order to leave Griz and the mountain forever. Her foot was almost completely healed, but even though she didn’t need a cane or crutch any longer, it would ache when she walked any long distance. Carrying the hides was not going to make it any easier. However, she merely put the hides on her back, holding the rope that bound them, over her shoulder, determined to do whatever it took to have her freedom.

  By the time they reached the trading post, Mackenzie was certain she couldn’t take another step. She sank down to the ground, with the hides on her back, letting them fall beside her. The trading post was spread out below them from the rise they were on. To her, it was a welcome sight, except for a collection of Indian Tepees scattered about the outer wall that barricaded the trading post from any danger.

  Griz Paused. “I’ll take yer bundle,” he said almost kindly. “You ken rest a bit and then meet me down below.”

  He lifted the hides she had dropped and placed them on the mule’s back, then continued on ahead of her, glancing over his shoulder at her. Mackenzie was so tired she didn’t bother to think about it until he was halfway down the rise. He had her hides. How was she going to discover how much money she got from them?

  She looked out over the small Indian village that was situated around the trading post below, watching him make his way between the tepees. She knew both the Indians and trappers used the place to trade at, so she was pretty sure the Indians were friendly. Some of the trappers lived there with their Indian wives, she noticed, when she saw a couple of trappers coming out of their tepee with an Indian woman beside them.