The Question Is

by Kenna Shaw Reed

The baby grand piano set on a small stage. A beautiful brunette sat next to the pianist, even from outside her voice rang true and clear – with an undertone of sadness.

  Sienna.

  “Can I come and sit at the bar for a drink?” She asked the hostess.

  “Are you a guest here?”

  “The truth is,” she looked around, needing to be allowed in, “This was supposed to be a romantic weekend away – but my girlfriend broke up with me.”

  The waitress raised her eyebrow, “I don’t understand what that has to do …”

  “No, no, I deserved whatever she wants to throw at me but I’m here hoping she will let me make it up to her.”

  “Well, I can’t tell you if she is here or not.”

  “You don’t have to,” Grace nodded towards the stage, “She is up there singing. Now you tell me, does she look happy or should I go and beg her to forgive me?”

  Smiling, the waitress led Grace to the bar, close to the stage.

  Grace ordered soda water. She wanted to be very clear and win back her woman.

  Sienna

  “You have a fan,” Tony whispered as the song ended, motioning to the bar. “Striking blonde with legs to her arm pits. Either she is here for you or I’m hoping I’ve found the next Mrs.”

  “You’re welcome to her. From what I understand, you are more her type these days.”

  “Sia, she didn’t come here for me. How about we wrap up this set and then you hear her out.”

  “Fine.”

  Tony changed up the play list, a song about being hurt and never being able to move on. A song about mourning a lost love. Then the last song – about mending a broken heart and starting again with a lost love.

  It was easy and therapeutic to sing about pain and sorrow when the cause of the hollowness in her heart sat at the bar. The tight bodycon dress Grace wore to the reunion barely covered her legs as she leant against the stool. How dare she flaunt that dress.

  The love song almost broke her heart. Tony helped her out, turning it into a duet when her voice broke. The crowd thought it was part of their act and cheered wildly, demanding an encore when they broke.

  “Tony,” he extended his hand to Grace, “You must be the charming young vixen who broke my girl’s heart.”

  “Grace, evil vixen who wants her girl back,”

  “Tony, don’t believe a word she says. When Grace turns on her smile it melts icebergs. Shame she can turn it off just as quick.”

  Sienna saw the bar staff already eating out of Grace’s hand, the waitress watching intently and now Tony looked smitten.

  “Why are you here – and wearing that.” Sienna waved her hand across the dress.

  “I want a do-over”

  “So do I, believe me, so do I.” Sienna forced her laugh, “Which day should I go back to – the day we first met and became friends or the day of our first kiss?”

  “Babe, please can we go to our room.”

  “No, I can keep my voice down if you can. Getting back to my do over – I want to go back to before the night you slept with your ex and if I can’t do that then I want to relive the moment when I found out you thought you were pregnant to him.”

  Tony held her arm, “Sia, come on the night is over and we don’t have to be here any more.”

  “Who is this ‘Sia’,” she flinched as Grace grabbed her arm, “Her name is Sienna, and I screwed up. I’m here, wanting to tell her that I am sorry. I was confused, we were not in a good place and now I want her to understand that I don’t care about anything other than making everything right with us.”

  Something about the tone made her stop. Sienna hadn’t heard total honesty from Grace for months. All her endearments given automatically, her kisses and love making either because they were expected or inspired by guilt.

  For the first time, the real Grace tried to reach her.

  “Tony, thanks but I think I need to finish this conversation in private,” she kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks, I needed this tonight.”

  “You’ve got a great voice and we have a date tomorrow night.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  Grace

  Following Sienna into what should have been their room, Grace looked around, filled with awe and remorse. The honeymoon suite was aptly named. Decadent with everything a romantic couple could ever want. Flowers, a platter of half eaten treats, the bed turned down and their own courtyard with a spa.

  “Sienna,” she cried, spinning Sienna around, holding her in her arms and pressing her lips until Sienna opened to her. “I love you. In the purest way, I love you and I only want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  She almost fell against the table as Sienna pushed her away, yelling, “Am I supposed to be thankful – you love me. Wow! All these years I believed you and it was a lie until now?”

  “I spoke to Seth,” again, pleading for understanding. Why couldn’t Sienna try and understand.

  “Of course you did – how many times a day do you talk? Every morning I heard your phone tell you there was another text from him. Show me.”

  “Sienna, don’t.”

  “Show me your phone so I can read the texts.”

  “But …”

  “You want us to start again, then I think part of the clean slate is being totally honest. I want to see every message you two shared.”

  “Here we go, ‘Good morning beautiful’, how sweet. ‘Miss you heaps’, ‘Can’t wait to be with you again’. Charming.” Grace caught the phone as Sienna threw it towards the bed.

  “What do you want me to say,” her raised voice matching Sienna’s “I cheated. I had fantastic sex with my ex and wanted more. Those are the facts but there are other facts.”

  “You mean it gets worse?”

  “The facts are when I wake, I want to see your face. When I go to sleep, I want your legs wrapped around me. When I go grocery shopping I look for the ethically produced foods because I want you to be proud of me.”

  “We have great sex, fantastic. Can you write me a reference for my next lover?” Grace followed Sienna to the courtyard and raised her voice even more to be heard over the sound of the spa.

  “That is also a fact – our sex life is erotic and out of this world, our love life is amazing, and we are the best friends. The question is, are you going to give all of that up because you don’t want to forgive me.”

  “Don’t you do that,” cried Sienna, “Don’t you blame our breaking up on me. It isn’t because I can’t forgive you, it’s because what you did was unforgiveable!”

  She needed Sienna to understand her guilt and remorse, “I screwed around. I screwed up. I love you and want a do over.”

  “Nothing has changed – you want marriage and babies. Go back to your precious Seth who can give you both.”

  “I don’t want Seth.”

  “Don’t you mean he doesn’t want you anymore?”

  “I met him for coffee and we talked. I needed it to be a clean break and he needed me to know he was going to stop waiting for me to come back to him.”

  “How sad for you.”

  “Not at all – don’t you see – I broke up with Seth to go away for uni. We never argued or had a reason for not being together other than distance. I thought I loved him, but I only loved the idea of him. Yes, I want to get married and be a mother – but I want to be married to you and I want to raise our children together.”

  “I don’t.” Sienna’s voice resigned and final. “I don’t want children – I never have. I thought I could compromise and get married because it was the only way to hold onto you.”

  Finally, the opening Grace waited for, the anger subsided and only the hurt and pain remained.

  “Let me love you, for this one weekend, allow me to show you how much you mean to me. At the end when we leave here, it will be your choice. We can go home and work out how to rebuild our life together or I’ll find somewhere else to live.” Cupping Sienna’s face in her hands, Grace’s eyes pleaded f
or acceptance.

  “You hurt me.”

  “Please, let me kiss it better.” This time as their lips met, Sienna didn’t push her away. Grace helped Sienna into the spa, removing their clothes under the water and allowing the bubbles to push them together.

  Never had their love making been so sweet. Hours ago, Grace didn’t imagine she would ever hold Sienna in her arms again. Fingers and legs wrapped around each other, breast against breast.

  “Oh, how I love you,” Grace said in between every kiss. For weeks, she had been the passive partner, not knowing where she wanted to be or who with. Now it was her turn to show Sienna how very much she loved to love her. She dove under water, gently biting Sienna’s nipple before coming back up for another kiss. Her hands massaged all around Sienna’s legs awaiting the invitation to go between them.

  Kisses upon kisses, until Sienna relaxed and demanded her own form of justice. As Sienna’s passion started to match her own, Grace took the risk of teasing one hand in between her legs. Instead of pushing her away, Sienna moved her deeper inside. The bubbles all around tingled livened her senses, now she wanted every part of Sienna, her skin, her lips, her hair, her essence.

  If it took the rest of her life, she would make sure Sienna never doubted her love again.

  As she massaged one breast with one hand and the bud with her thumb, Sienna opened her eyes and cried out, “I love you, damn it, I still love you,” before crashing into Graces arms.

  Sienna

  It wasn’t every day or legal in every country that a girl could marry the girl of her dreams. For a long time, Sienna didn’t think that she and Grace would survive.

  In fact, some of their friends took longer to forgive Grace than Sienna. To them she was either gay or straight – no confusion.

  Now, Sienna knew and accepted things could be more complicated. In the long three years since she found the pregnancy test there had been a lot of talking and even more tears.

  Many a night Sienna slammed the door and crashed at a friend’s place. She tried to push Grace away – make her go back to Seth.

  Until Sienna found herself able to trust and love Grace again, Grace proved repeatedly she had enough love for them both.

  Early on, they agreed on a compromise of sorts. A long engagement – a visible commitment for their family and friends to acknowledge what happened but to prove they were determined to work through it.

  Then there was the subject of having children.

  “I can’t go off and bring children into the world when so many children already here need a home,” she cried.

  “Then let’s give them a home.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s buy a house in the suburbs, one with a few bedrooms and a yard. We can get a dog and when you come across someone who either needs a safe place to stay or a child who needs a temporary home, we can be that place.”

  “Are you kidding? I thought you wanted to be a mother.”

  “I do,” Grace put Sienna’s hand on her belly, “One day I want to feel our child grow inside me and be next to you as we watch them float around on the sonograph. I want you to be in the birthing suite and be the first one to hold them. But right now, I want to be raising a family with you and you want to help the kids who are already here.”

  “Honestly, would being a foster mother be enough for you?”

  “I’m willing to give it a go.”

  That conversation was two and a half years ago. Since then, they shared their new home with almost a dozen youngsters ranging in age from three to seventeen with overnight stays to a couple of months.

  Being an agile family had its challenges but also its rewards. About six months ago they were “between children” in a silent house other than the dog snoring on the floor beside them.

  “It’s so quiet,” Sienna snuggled up to Grace, “I thought I missed nights like this.”

  “You don’t?”

  “I love you and I love the life we are making together,” they kissed as if no one was watching.

  “I like where this is going.”

  “Grace, will you marry me and have my babies.”

  “What!” Grace squealed, jumping on top of her, “Are you serious?”

  “Let’s set a date and start the process to get you knocked up.”

  Grace

  “Daddy, you look dashing,” Grace lightly kissed her father so not to ruin her makeup.

  “I had to step it up for my baby girl’s big day and all her posh friends.”

  Her mum tapped on the door and looked nervously inside. “Don’t worry mum, the girls are off helping Sienna get ready. Two brides are twice the work for the bridesmaids.”

  “They are hard working, and so charming. Lovely girls.”

  Grace hugged her mum, “Thank you for doing this – accepting Sienna into the family.”

  “What did you expect me to do – she makes you happy.”

  As the music played, Grace took the arms of her father and mother as they walked down the aisle. Sienna stood waiting for her at the front, with her parents. The most important part of the ceremony already a success – to be in a church with both sets of parents supporting them.

  The vows had the congregation weeping. Sienna acknowledged their journeys so far and the life time they had ahead of them. Grace promised honesty in love.

  The minister spoke of trust and commitment and ended with 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8; 13.

  “Love is patient, love is kind.

  “It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

  “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

  “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

  “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  “Love never fails.”

  Grace and Sienna mouthed the last lines together, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.”

  “But the greatest of these is love.”

  Is this “The End?”

  Are you curious about how the other story lines ended? That’s the beauty of Choose Your Own Romances. One happily ever after is never enough!

  Go back to My girl and remember how Grace saved Seth’s company while staying true to Sienna

  Go to Once is never and watch as Grace falls in love again with Seth as they work closely together.

  Or to One is not enough when Grace started to realize she could have everything her heart desired.

  Or go straight to one of the other endings

  Run through rainbows can only mean Sienna

  While Partner in pleasure is when Seth is by her side

  Or perhaps the answer to the Question is Whatever makes her happy

  Think you are finished? Wait, there’s more

  Partner in pleasure

  Grace

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “Why would I want to do that,” he snapped but didn’t hang up.

  She took a deep breath, “Because I owe you the truth and you deserve having me tell you face to face.”

  “Coffee X coffee shop near your office. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes and I’ll wait for ten.”

  Grace sighed as she realized it didn’t matter what she wore or said. For months, even years, he loved her and watched as she left him for another lover. The way she treated him was unforgivable – yet here she sat wanting him to listen to her heart.

  By the time he arrived, two coffees waited for them.

  “You shouldn’t have,” he dropped into the seat opposite her. “I guess it is the nicest thing you’ve done for me – other than planning to raise my child without me.”

  “Seth, I could tell you that I’m sorry all day but until I tell you what I am sorry for, it wouldn’t mean a thing.”

  “You’ve got until I finish my coffee.”

  She avoided his eyes, instead, looking over his shoulder through the window where people happily walked by.
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  “For a year or so, Sienna and I have done nothing but fight – I wanted us to get married and start looking into having a family. It isn’t as easy as you would think, and we needed to agree how and when.”

  “I feel so sorry for you,” his sarcasm didn’t help.

  “The night of the reunion, I’d started up again and she wasn’t speaking to me. Hanging out with everyone, I started to think how different my life would be if I stayed in town. Then we started talking and reconnecting and the kiss.” She reached out, trying to hold his hand. Instead, he crossed his arms and sat back in his chair as far from her as he possibly could.

  “I don’t regret that night – being with you again,” she pleaded.

  “So good, you went back to her the next day.”

  “That’s the thing. I thought how I felt for Sienna would change, but nothing did. I still loved her, and I couldn’t throw it all away because of one night with you.”

  “We were more than a one-night stand and you know it,” he fidgeted in his chair and she knew she was running out of time.

  Talking quicker, “I wanted the baby and I wanted you.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell me.”

  “I don’t know – I had been travelling and thought I was just tired or struggling with different food and time zones. I went to the chemist and they asked if I could be pregnant. None of the over-the-counter tests were positive but I kept hoping.” She looked away, tears filling her eyes as she remembered the doctor’s office. “I finally got a blood test and it came back negative as well.”

  “You should have told me.”

  “I hadn’t told you when I thought I was – I was scared of how you’d react. What if you told me to get rid of it …”

  “I would never …”

  “Or if you demanded I break up with Sienna and run away with you.”

  “I guess …”

  “I needed to find out the truth before I could share it with you – and once the tests came back and there was no baby, Seth, I couldn’t tell you. I had to grieve all on my own.”