Lessons Learned

by Earl Sewell

  “No, Sabrina. I can’t do that. Don’t call me anymore. Don’t come around me anymore and just take my name out of your mouth altogether,” I’d said, as maliciously as I could.

  “Mike, you told my you loved me, you lying son of a—”

  “Aye. If you loved me you would’ve proven it to me the way I was willing to prove my love to you. So in my book, it wasn’t about how much I loved you, it was about how little you loved me. And I can’t deal with a girl who isn’t totally into me.”

  “Mike, I am into you. Believe me, please,” she’d said as she tried to hold my hand. I snatched it away from her.

  “Don’t even go there, Sabrina! Girl, I loved you so much that I stole my daddy’s car to come see you. I faked out my grandmother and almost gave her a heart attack just so that I could come see you and show you how much I loved you. I even tried to beat up my own father!” The words had flowed out of my mouth. “That’s how strong my love for you was and you didn’t appreciate it. I can’t take a chance and let you walk all over my love like that again. I’m tired of trying to get around your defenses to prove my feelings for you. I can’t go through all of that mess again. You’re too much work and way too complicated for me. So I think it’s for the best if we just part ways. Move on. Go find an eighth-grade boy to tease.”

  “Mike, please don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this to us. Give me another chance, please. I promise. I’ll be better this time.” Sabrina started crying. A few people stopped in the hall just to watch our drama unfold. I tried to walk away but Sabrina was holding onto my arm and preventing me from leaving.

  “Sabrina. Let me go,” I said.

  “No. Not until you tell me that I can have a second chance.”

  “Dang, girl. Let him go. He’s not worth going this crazy over,” said Belinda who was passing by. Belinda was one of the weird girls in school. She was tall, had a big forehead and looked like a black version of Shrek.

  “Listen to Belinda,” I’d said. “Even the Shrek knows that you should stop acting like this.”

  “Go to hell, Mike,” Belinda said as she gave me the middle finger before walking away.

  “Mike, no!” Sabrina had jerked on me to make me stop walking away from her.

  “Dang, Mike. Get your girl under control, man,” said Marlon who was walking by laughing at the entire situation. I decided to do what I needed to do in order to calm Sabrina down. I stopped trying to pull away from her.

  “Look. Stop crying,” I had said and wiped away her tears. I decided to play the role of a gentle, smooth-talking and slick player. “I don’t want to see you crying like this.”

  “Then don’t break up with me.”

  “I just don’t see us dating anymore after all that went down. We can still be friends but that’s it.”

  “No. Things can go back to the way they were. All we have to do is just try. I read in Cosmo Girl magazine that all couples go through problems. We just have to communicate better so that we can work through them.”

  “Look. Give me some time okay?” I had said trying to let her down a little easier. I’d gotten her to the point that she felt bad about what I’d gone through and I got her to cry and beg me for forgiveness. I decided not to break her down any more than she already was.

  “How much time?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I just need some time,” I’d said.

  “Then I can still call you?” she asked as she began to calm down.

  “Yeah, you can still call me,” I’d lied.

  “Mike, I promise you. I’m going to make all of this up to you somehow,” she had said, absolutely convinced of it.

  There was no way I could tell her anything different. I didn’t want to string Sabrina along and give her false hope, but in the end, she left me with no choice. If she had a little more self-esteem, my breaking up with her over no sex would not have mattered, at least that’s what I’d always been told. But then again I figured her falling apart was just a sign of how strong my game was.

  “Okay,”

  “Kiss me,” she’d said. “Kiss me so that I know you’re for real.”

  I didn’t want to kiss her anymore but I knew she wouldn’t let this go if I didn’t. I kissed Sabrina’s trembling lips, which was very weird and then walked her to her school bus. I didn’t get on to ride home with her because I just didn’t feel like being bothered.

  I got up off the mat from doing sit ups and went over to the Smith machine to do squats. It had been weeks since I broke up with Sabrina but, true to her word, she’d been doing everything that she could to get me to come back to her. She kept sending me text messages all of the time. She kept leaving messages for me on my MySpace and Facebook accounts. She even took a picture of herself in nothing but her panties and bra and sent it to me. But I was like, whatever. I had to give it to Sabrina, she was a persistent girl.

  After I finished my first set of squats my cell phone rang. I looked at it and saw it was Sabrina calling.

  “Dang,” I said aloud. “I’ve been in here thinking about her and now I’ve thought her up.”

  I answered the phone to see what she wanted.

  “Hey, boo. What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Nothing,” I answered.

  “Do you want to do something later on today? We could go over to Katina’s house for a little while. Her parents aren’t home.”

  “No. I have homework to do,” I said. I really did have homework but not very much.

  “Oh. Okay. Can I ask you a question, Mike?”

  “What?”

  “You don’t have another girl, do you? Because if you do, I’m going to beat her down,” Sabrina said with menace.

  “You told me that you weren’t the type of girl who fought over a man,” I reminded her.

  “That was then. This is now. Answer the question. Do you have another girl?”

  “No.”

  “Then I’m going to kick Katina’s butt. She told me a rumor that you had another girl that went to Thornwood High School and I should just let you go because you were cheating on me.”

  “How is that cheating on you when we’re not even officially together? You know what? Never mind. It’s not true. And you need to stop listening to all of those crazy rumors,” I scolded her.

  “Okay. I promise not to do that. But it’s hard not to because you’re being so distant with me,” Sabrina said. “You don’t talk to me as much, and when I kiss you, I feel as if your mind is someplace else. And we hardly see each other anymore. I didn’t even see you at church today.”

  “I got there late. I have a lot on my mind, Sabrina. I’m about to join the track team on Monday. I have to stay in shape, keep up my grades and all of this new drama with my sister, Keysha, has my family kind of messed up right now.”

  “You know, I’m about sick and tired of Keysha and her drama. I hate how all of her mess has an impact on you,” Sabrina’s attitude had quickly turned ugly.

  “I’ll be okay,” I said, trying to assure her as well as get her off the phone.

  “Well, I have two surprises for you,” she said.

  “What are they?” I asked.

  “Well the first one is kind of bold and I can’t believe that I actually did it, but I sent you a photo of my breasts to your phone. I hope you like what you see.”

  “You did what?” I couldn’t believe what she just said.

  “I told you. I’m going to get better. I wanted you to see what you have so I sent you a photo,” Sabrina said and then was quiet.

  “Okay. Cool.”

  “So, can I get a photo of you?” she asked. I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it. Is she for real? I thought.

  “Yeah, I can work that out,” I said, even though at that moment I didn’t plan on sending her anything.

  “Good. My second surprise is that I’ve signed up to be the manager of the boys’ track team. So I’ll get to come to all of your track meets. Isn’t that exciting?” she said with
enthusiasm.

  “You did what?”

  “I signed up to be the team manager. I know, it’s going to be exciting to be able to see you more often. I’m going to be your biggest fan. I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.”

  It was at that moment that I began to think that Sabrina might be a closet stalker. “Oh,” I said as I tried to think of a way to ask her not to take the job.

  “You don’t sound very happy, Mike.” The happiness fell from Sabrina’s voice. “I went through a lot to get that job so that we could be near each other.”

  I suddenly heard a lot of aggression in her voice. “I’m happy,” I lied.

  “Good. I’m happy, too. I’ll call you later on. I’m going to head over to Katina’s house for a little while. Just remember, if you want some of my sweet kisses you know where I’ll be.”

  “Okay,” I said and hung up the phone. “That girl is chasing after my pimp juice a little too hard,” I said aloud then laughed to myself.

  “Pimp juice?” Jordan repeated as he came into the workout room. He’d apparently overheard what I’d said. “What in the world is ‘pimp juice’?” he asked.

  “Never mind, Dad. It’s just a stupid saying.” I quickly tried to clear that one up.

  “What are you working on today?” he asked.

  “Legs,” I said.

  “Well, I’m going to do a few sets with you. I have to blow off some steam after that crazy meeting with Justine and Simon yesterday,” he said. Jordan stretched out to warm up his muscles and then stepped to the Smith Machine and did several squats.

  I had to give it to my Dad. Lately, he’d rearranged his schedule to make more time for exercising. He’d lost weight, got rid of the small tummy he had hanging over his belt and, like me, he’d put on a few pounds of muscle.

  “So, Mike. Is there a girl that you like at school?”

  “Not really,” I said, not wanting to have a sex conversation with him.

  “Not really? What does that mean?” It was clear that Jordan wasn’t going to drop the conversation.

  “It just means no. I’m not really dealing with anyone right now,” I said as I prepared to do another set of squats.

  “Hold on a minute, son.” Jordan stopped me. He exhaled a few times and searched his thoughts so that he could say what he needed to. “I want you to take notice of everything that’s been going on over the past few months. I know it’s a lot, but all of this mess stems from a mistake I made when I was a very young man. When I met Keysha’s mom, all I wanted to do was have sex. That was the only thing on my mind at the time. Sex. I made a monumental mistake when I slept with Justine,” Jordan said. “I never thought that I’d be at this stage in my life dealing with something I’d done eighteen years ago. My desire clouded my judgment. Lust and desire are very powerful, Mike. Although you don’t say anything, I know what you’re going through.”

  “Dad, we don’t have to—”

  “Mike, listen. That’s all I’m asking. Just listen. Lust is a burning, a desire and a strong need to relieve the pressure deep inside you. That pressure will cause you to seek out the first woman who will offer you the opportunity to relieve it. Just because a girl is willing to do you a favor doesn’t mean that you should take her up on her offer. I know that it’s difficult, Mike. I know that you have a healthy supply of testosterone that you need to get rid of. And I know that at times you feel like you’re going to bust open if you don’t get a chance to penetrate a girl. As old-fashioned as this may sound, I’d like for you to save yourself for marriage.

  “However, I know that I can’t be with you every hour of every day and I know that situations are going to come up that you’ll want to take full advantage of.” Jordan paused for a long moment and bit his bottom lip. I could tell that this was heavy on his mind. “Strap up. Put a raincoat on before you go dipping in some young lady’s pond. And whatever you do, make sure that none of your pimp juice spills out. Do you understand where I’m coming from?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I understand,” I said. I was just surprised that he understood some of the things I’d been going through.

  “I know what it’s like to wake up in the morning and your solider is standing tall and at attention. He gets up before you, ready for action.”

  “Oh, we don’t need to go there, Dad,” I said with a horrified look. Jordan laughed a little.

  “Trust me when I say, as you mature, there will be days that your solider will abandon you just when you need him the most.” Jordan laughed at his own joke. “Oh, by the way. Your mother was doing some cleaning and found an open box of condoms in your bedroom closet. I told her that I’d come and talk to you about it. So if you have any questions or something you need to get off your chest, I’m letting you know that the door is open, and you and I can talk anytime or anyplace.”

  “No. I think this pretty much covered it all,” I said, feeling rather embarrassed that my mother found the condoms.

  “Just a little tip for you. If you kept your room neater, your mother wouldn’t be so quick to go and clean it up for you. Okay. Let’s finish up our workout,” he said as he patted me on my back. “And in case I don’t say it enough, I do love you.”

  After school on Tuesday, I came home and called Toya to see what was up with her. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. When she answered the phone, I heard her son crying in the background.

  “Hello,” she greeted me, but she sounded like she was frustrated.

  “What’s up with you? This is Mike.”

  “Oh, hey. How are you doing? I was wondering when you were going call me.”

  “Oh, really,” I answered her.

  “Yeah. You’ve made me wait for three days. I thought Keysha talked you out of calling me or that you just wasn’t feeling me the way I was feeling you,” she said.

  I figured she’d just walked into another room because I heard a door close and I could no longer hear her son crying. “No, she didn’t. I’ve just been busy, that’s all. Yesterday was the first day of track practice and when I got home I was tired. But I’m free now so I decided to give you a call.”

  “So is that how you keep yourself all big and strong? You be doing a lot of running and stuff?”

  “Yeah, I do. So why do you like me, Toya?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. It’s just something about you that I like. When I saw you in the hallway, I was like ‘damn.’ I know Keysha isn’t coming back to the old neighborhood with a dude as fine as you are. So I had to come see for myself who you were. Then when I actually met you, I just felt something. I can’t explain it.”

  “I felt something, too when I saw you come down the hall. You had a rhythm to your walk that was like Boom! Boom! Boom!” Toya and I both laughed.

  “You so silly,” she said, and I liked the way she said it. “So what do you like doing?” I asked.

  She sucked air through her teeth. “I’m into cars. I like fast cars.”

  “Oh yeah? Like, what type of fast cars to you like?” I asked.

  “Well, I like fast toys in general. I like motorcycles. I like the new Dodge Charger, and the new Mitsubishi Eclipse and the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren Roadster but that bad boy costs around a half million dollars. I also like classic muscle cars like the GTO, and the Mustang and the Trans Am,” she said.

  “Oh, so you really know cars, huh?” I asked.

  “Yeah, it’s kind of like a little hobby of mine,” she said, all sweet and innocentlike.

  “Well, sitting in my garage is a 1979 Pontiac Trans Am. Completely rebuilt, 400-horse-power engine, T-tops, black leather seats and a slamming sound system.”

  “Ooh, is it your car?” Toya asked.

  “It will be as soon as I get my driver’s license. I’m going to be rolling in that car,” I said with full confidence.

  “Well, are you going to come pick me up in it?” Toya asked. “We could do some things while we’re driving down the expressway.”

  In my mind I imagined Toya
doing all sorts of things to me. “Oh yeah, I’m going to pick you up,” I said before I even realized it.

  “I don’t have to wait until you get your license, do I?” Toya asked.

  Again before I even realized what I was saying I told her, “Girl. You don’t have to wait that long at all. I’m going to surprise you one day and roll over to your house in it.”

  “Oh, if you do that, you’re going to get all kinds of special treatment,” Toya said and then puckered her lips together and made a kissing sound.

  “I like the sound of that,” I said. “So what else do you like to do?” I asked.

  “I like going out to restaurants and stuff. Or sometimes I just like sitting at home doing nothing.” She sucked her teeth again. “And, uhm, I like getting my hair done. By the way, you should pay for my next visit to the beauty shop.”

  “What?” I asked because I didn’t see a need to pay for her visit to the hair salon.

  “Well, you are going to mess my hair up when I see you again this weekend, right? Please don’t tell me you’re super quick.” Toya got quiet as she awaited my answer.

  “Woo, girl! You talk a lot of noise,” I said, feeling that pressure that Jordan and I were talking about.

  “I just want to know because if it’s like that, it’s not going to work out between us.”

  “Oh, it’s going to work out,” I said, feeling very powerful. “I’m going to have you walking around bowlegged.”

  “See, now that’s what I’m talking about,” Toya said with a laugh. “I can’t wait to see you again because I want to give you some of my sweet tongue.” When Toya said that I felt a rush over my body.

  “I think I’d like that.”

  “You’re going to like it even more when I see you.”

  Toya will be the perfect sexual partner for me, I thought. “Where are your parents? I mean, will they be home when I come over this weekend?” I asked even though I had no clue as to how I was going to get down to the city to see Toya.

  “Boy, my father is locked up and I haven’t seen my mother since I was nine. I live with my grandmother and she goes to church all of the time with my baby. So she doesn’t bother me much. I pretty much come and go as I please and do whatever I want. So, when you come over this weekend, you and I will have plenty of time alone. Can you handle being alone with me?”