“It’s okay.” I stepped back, not deterred by him trying to change the subject. “Something’s going on. Did you two fight or something?”
I was treated to silence from them both.
Frustrated, I put my hands on my hips and gave them a look that Jamie knew better than to ignore.
Brice shifted from foot to foot, unable to withstand my “mean mom” look, but Sawyer didn’t so much as blink at me. His brown gaze wasn’t shining with the usual flecks of gold, letting me know without words that he was upset about something.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on,” I threatened.
My brother glanced over at Leah before blowing out a frustrated breath. Taking my arm, he gently guided me closer to the elevator and lowered his voice. “Sawyer told me.”
I went completely still, even as I felt the color drain from my face and my eyes widen. He couldn’t possibly mean what I thought he meant. Sawyer wouldn’t have told him … that.
“Told you what?” I found myself whispering.
“Everything.” Brice’s face was completely set in stone now as he shot his best friend and business partner a dark glare that made me shiver at its intensity.
I shook my head, not believing him. There was no way Sawyer had told Brice everything. It didn’t make sense. Why would he say something now? It was too late …
“No. He wouldn’t have.”
Brice’s jaw clenched for a moment, his blue eyes hardening even more if possible. “I know it all now, Ash. That you were together for months before you had a big misunderstanding. He even told me about Amber. Everything that should have been said years ago.”
Shocked at what my brother was saying, I looked up at Sawyer. He just stood there, watching me quietly, with a look in his eyes that called to me. He had told Brice. He had done the one thing I had always wanted him to do, the one thing that would show me he cared—that he wanted more …
Six years too late.
But better late than never, right?
My head was jumbled with a mixture of warring emotions. I couldn’t have put two simple words together if I had even tried right then.
Shaking my head again, I blindly reached behind me until I found the call button and pressed it. I needed time to think, time to put this all together before I did something reckless.
“Ash.” Brice reached for me, but I was already stepping into the now waiting elevator. “Do you love him?”
There was something odd in my brother’s voice, concern mixed with vulnerability, and something else. Betrayal? I was his little sister, Sawyer his best friend, and he had just found out that we had kept a huge secret from him for years.
I couldn’t lie to him now.
“Yes, Brice. I’ve always loved him.”
Before he could react, the elevator doors slid shut, and I fell back against the wall, covering my face with my hands as I silently cried.
TEN
Sawyer
I WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS THE elevator shut, depriving me of the view of Ash as her parting words echoed in my head.
She loved me.
She always had.
My heart was about to explode in my chest, my breaths coming in harsh gasps as I fought with myself not to follow after her. I could take the stairs, run all the way to the lobby. However, the look on her face told me she needed a few minutes to herself. The shock on her face when Brice had told her I had confessed it all to him hadn’t been what I had expected.
If I had thought that opening up to my best friend would set everything right, I had been sorely wrong. I had asked Brice for his permission to marry Ash, trying to do everything right this time around, and instead of giving me his condolences, he had demanded more. After all, I had already fucked up one marriage, how did I know I wouldn’t do it again with Ash? So, I told him why I thought—no, why I knew a marriage to his sister would last the test of time.
Because she had been the only one I had ever loved. That Amber and I had been more of a marriage on paper only rather than truly man and wife.
She had been a drunken mistake when I had been at my lowest. And whether she wanted to admit it or not, that was exactly what I had been to Amber, too. Our drunken mistake had made something precious when we had been given Jamie, but it was still a mistake nonetheless.
As expected, Brice had been pissed. I had snuck around behind his back with his sister, and then I had broken her heart. I wasn’t sure which had upset my friend more. The fact that I had kept something like that from him, or that I had hurt Ash in the process.
Either way, he had been ready to tear my head off the day before, and if Jamie hadn’t been with me, I probably would have let him. To say my relationship with the man who had been closer than a brother to me since I was kid was strained was an understatement. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he decided to break our partnership, but I knew Brice wouldn’t. He would be okay again in a few days, a week tops.
As the elevator started its decent, Brice thrust his hands into his pants pockets and turned to head for his office. “The answer is yes,” he called over his shoulder. “Marry her. Love her.” He stopped before he could get around Leah’s desk and turned to face me, the look on his face icy. “But if you hurt her again, I swear to God, there isn’t a place you can hide from me.”
“I won’t. I promise you, her heart is safe with me this time,” I vowed. “I’ll make her happy. I’ll love her until the end of time, if she will let me.”
Some of the tension in his shoulders visibly eased. “Make sure you do.” He started to turn, but paused, a frown on his face. “Where’s Jamie?”
“Taryn has him for the night.”
Brice’s face clenched for a completely different reason now. “I’m sure he will enjoy helping her take care of the animals.”
I nodded. “He always does.”
Taryn Sutton was a good friend of both Ash and Amber. We had all grown up in the same neighborhood, but Taryn’s mother hadn’t liked for her to socialize with many people. Thankfully, she had broken away from her controlling mother when she had gone off to college for veterinarian medicine. Now she was one of the vets for a nonprofit animal rescue park.
Jamie didn’t spend nearly as much time with her as he did with Ash, because she was so busy with her animals. But when he did get to hang out with her, he had a blast.
Brice raked his hands through his hair before checking his watch. “I have an appointment. Go after my sister. Tell her what you told me yesterday.”
“She said she loves me.” I couldn’t keep the awe out of my voice. I was still trying to make myself understand that I wasn’t dreaming, that she had really said those words.
It had probably cost her a lot to say that in front of me. Now I had to go and make sure that she knew it wasn’t just her. I have loved her from the very first time I had kissed her. Nothing had changed. It never would.
ELEVEN
Ash
MY TEARS HAD STOPPED BY the time I got home, but my eyes felt swollen and heavy. I wanted to hide under the covers on my bed, pretend like the last hour hadn’t happened. That this was all just some crazy dream induced by the remnants of the fever I’d had.
I kicked the front door closed and fell face down on my couch, hiding my aching eyes in the cushion. I felt like I had aged about twenty years. A nap was what I needed. Some down time so I could reboot, and when I woke up, I wouldn’t think about Sawyer Brannon or the fact that I had pointblank told my brother that I was in love with his best friend.
The heavy fist practically pounding my door in had my head jerking up. I frowned at the barrier that kept me from whomever was on the other side, wishing it was a metal panic room instead of just an oak door with a tiny peephole. Two guesses who it was. Brice, maybe. But my money was on Sawyer.
“Ash,” his rough voice called through the door. “Ash, please open the door.”
I sucked in a shuddery breath and pushed my long, blonde hair back from my face, deb
ating whether I should let him in or not. I knew I should send him packing, but I had left the office without Jamie, and he might need me to watch my godson.
It was for that reason, and that reason only—really, it was—that I got to my feet and crossed to the door. After a small pause so I could gather my courage to face him, I opened the door a few inches and glanced out into the corridor at him.
“I’m sorry I forgot Jamie.”
He moved in close, completely blocking my view. My head tipped back so I could meet his eyes, my nose filling with the fresh, citrusy scent that was so uniquely him. He didn’t try to push his way into my apartment, but there was a look in his eyes that told me he wouldn’t have to.
“I took Jamie to Taryn’s this morning. I wanted to have a little time alone with you to talk.” His voice had lowered to that rough, seductive tone that never failed to make my thighs tremble and my pussy flood with need for him.
“Why did you tell Brice?” I found myself demanding, needing to understand what the hell this man was doing. Why he was pulling a total one-eighty when we couldn’t possibly have a future. Our chance had come and gone.
Right?
Sawyer leaned his head against the door, his eyes eating me up. “Can we talk about this inside?”
I shook my head. “It’s safer if you stay on that side of the doorway, and I stay on this one.”
A ghost of a smile teased at his lips. “Safer for whom, baby?”
My lashes lowered, hiding my eyes from him. “Me,” I whispered and heard him groan.
“You have nothing to be afraid of, Ash. I just want to talk to you. If you don’t like what I have to say, I promise I’ll leave. You get to call the shots today. You’re in complete control of what happens next.”
I should have told him to leave right then and there. I should have closed the door in his face and gone to bed. We both knew that I wasn’t in complete control here. I was a slave to my desire for him, and there was nothing that could stop me from giving in now. No Jamie to act as a buffer. No Amber to remind me that she had been his wife.
The past didn’t seem to matter right then. All I could think about was then and there, of him holding me again, of being in his arms. Having him kiss me, touch me … fuck me.
Lifting my lashes, I let him see what I was thinking, and watched his nostrils flare with his uneven inhale.
Taking a step back, I let him step through the doorway, pushing it closed and locking it before he lifted a hand and touched his fingers to my cheek. I leaned into his touch, loving the contrast of his rough skin caressing me so tenderly.
His fingers skimmed over my jaw and down my neck, brushing butterfly wings softly over my scar. I tensed, locking eyes with him, but he didn’t show an ounce of pity. There was only pure need in those brown depths.
Those questing fingers traced from the very top of my scar all the way down to where it disappeared into my shirt, only stopping when he got to the first button of my top.
“I told Brice because it was something I should have done six years ago,” he told me with sincere regret in his voice. “I was a blind idiot back then, Ash. All I could see was you and me, and I didn’t want the outside world to creep in. You were mine, and I didn’t want to share my time with you.”
I touched my tongue to my suddenly dry lips, giving myself a moment to gather my thoughts. “Why couldn’t you just tell me that? I thought you wouldn’t tell Brice because you were only bidding your time until you got bored with me or something.”
“No, baby, no. That wasn’t it at all.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my face against his chest. “I was a selfish bastard. I knew if we told our families, they wouldn’t give us a minute of peace until I put a ring on your finger. I wanted us to have a little time to ourselves. To get used to each other, enjoy each other.”
Anger quickly replaced the burning need that had tried to consume me. I was wrong. The past did matter right then, and I wouldn’t ever be ready to face the future without first confronting that part of our past.
I jerked away from him and put several feet between us before turning to face him again. “What you mean is that you weren’t ready for a big commitment.”
“No,” he growled. “That’s not what I mean. Dammit, Ash. Stop getting so defensive and actually listen to what I’m saying.”
I crossed my arms over my breasts, glaring up at him. “How am I supposed to not get defensive about any of this? You just said you wanted some alone time before our families jumped in and made you put a ring on my finger. Instead, you ended up married to my best friend.”
This conversation was six years overdue. I had spent that time with a mountain of questions festering inside my brain, demanding to be asked, but only turning into an abscess that was now bursting open as I finally—finally—sought the truth.
“You went from me to her in only a matter of what? Days? A week?” Along with the six years’ worth of anger came the hurt. That gut-wrenching, heart-shattering pain that had left me feeling suffocated for such a long time.
Sawyer turned gray under his normally golden complexion. “It wasn’t like that—”
“How was it, then?” I demanded, cutting him off. “Tell me how it wasn’t like that when I came home two months later to find you married to her and Jamie on the way?”
“You ended things with us,” he bit out. His jaw clenched, going on the defensive just as much as I was. “You told me it was over.”
“How long, goddammit?”
“Two weeks.” He scrubbed both hands over his face before bringing his gaze back to my face, his eyes pleading for me to understand. “I made a stupid mistake. I was drinking at that bar close to Amber’s office, and we ran into each other. We had a few drinks, and then a few more. Things got out of hand, and we both did something we had no business doing.”
I tried to swallow the lump that was now blocking my throat. I had wanted to know. I had demanded an answer. Now that I had it, I wanted him to take the words back. Wanted them to have never filled this room, never to have touched my ears. They were bouncing around in my chest, breaking my heart all over again.
Two weeks.
I wanted to scream, cry—anything to make this pain ease.
If my assignment had gone as planned, I would have been back within a week of leaving. If things had happened as they should have, we might have been able to clear the air before he had fallen into bed with Amber. Where would we have been now if that had happened? Would Sawyer have married me? Would we have our own child—children?
Or would we have continued down that destructive path I had felt we were on and still have ended up hating each other?
I would never know because things hadn’t gone as planned. My assignment had taken a hell of a lot longer than two weeks.
“What do you want me to say?” Sawyer muttered in a defeated tone. “I regret it, Ash. With everything in me, I regret what happened with Amber. But what followed?” He shook his head despairingly, defeat and pain twisting his beautifully masculine face. “How can I regret the results? How can you? Jamie wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my mistake. Not even for you could I regret my son.”
For the second time that day, I felt the blood drain from my face. I stumbled backward several steps, and then turned away from him as tears blurred my eyes.
He was right. Jamie was my world. Without him, my life would hold no meaning. None. He had been the light when I had been stuck in the darkness.
When looked at from that point of view, I wouldn’t have changed a single thing about the past. If it meant that my sweet godson would always be a part of my life, I would gladly go back and relive every painful moment from the past.
TWELVE
Sawyer
THIS WASN’T GOING AS I had hoped it would. I had thought I would show up at her place, tell her I loved her, and we would spend the rest of the day in her bed, relearning what made her gasp, whimper … scream.
But that was the problem, I re
alized as I stood there, watching as her shoulders trembled while she fought not to cry. I hadn’t told her I loved her yet.
Fuck.
I ran half a dozen multimillion dollar projects on any given day. I liked to think I was a smart man, but I was obviously a stupid jerk because those three little words should have been the first ones out of my mouth as soon as she had opened the door for me. Instead, I had started an argument that had pushed her away all over again.
Unable to bear the distance between us a moment longer, I crossed to her and pulled her back against my front. Wrapping my arms around her waist to anchor her to me, I pressed my lips to her ear, inhaling her sweet shampoo. She still used the same peach fragrance she had used six years ago. To this day, I couldn’t eat that decadent fruit without getting a hard-on.
“I didn’t come here to fight with you, or even to rehash the past. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is the present and the future. I want you to be a part of both, Ash.” I took it as a good sign that she wasn’t trying to pull away, that she wasn’t arguing. “We could be so good together, baby.”
“How do you know that?” Her voice was choked, full of the tears she was holding at bay.
I nuzzled her ear with my nose one last time before turning her around to face me. I needed to look her in the eyes when I spoke these words. Needed her to see how sincere I was; how utterly lost for her I was. “I love you, Ash. From the moment I brushed my lips against yours, I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I love you with all my heart, but it goes beyond that. I love you with everything I am—mind, body, and soul. For six years, you have been on my mind every second of every day. I see your beautiful face, and my body is ready and willing in an instant. But it’s not just lust.
“I crave having your soft body against mine, to simply hold you. And my soul … it cries for you. You are my soulmate, Ash Montgomery, and if you would just give me a chance, I will gladly spend every day for the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you.”
His Dirty Little Secret Page 7
