Mucky Bumpkin

by Sam Cheever

  He shook his head. “I’m okay. Just itchy and…puffy.” He threw me a grin.

  Since the swelling in his face had grown to alarming proportions, that was the understatement of the century. “You might want to drive faster.”

  For once, he didn’t argue. He flew past the turnoff to my house and headed straight for Deer Hollow General Hospital.

  I sat in a nearly empty waiting room while they hurried Hal back to a private room in Emergency.

  Down by my feet, LaLee had given up thrashing around and had her expressive face pressed against the “window” of the kennel, peering around the waiting room. I hadn’t been able to leave the traumatized feline in the car by herself, despite the fact I had to dodge a few swipes of her razor-sharp claws on the way. “Now don’t make me regret bringing you inside, LaLee. Be good.”

  The cat’s answer was a deep-throated growl that didn’t sound very appreciative of my efforts to keep her safe.

  “Is that a new addition to your house, Joey?”

  I glanced up to find an old schoolmate coming toward me, a wide smile on her plain face. Sally Winthrop was wearing the loose, cotton scrubs of a surgical nurse and she had a mask hanging around her neck. She looked as if she’d just come out of surgery.

  “Hey, Sally.” I returned her smile. “This cat’s owner died, and I’m just caring for her until I can find her a new home. You’re not in the market for a Siamese cat by any chance, are you?”

  “Not today, no.” She sat down next to me and stuck her finger through one of the openings on the side. “Aren’t you a pretty thing.”

  “You probably shouldn’t…”

  LaLee batted playfully at the finger but didn’t draw blood. I said a prayer of thanks and tried to distract my friend from offering human shish kabob to the killer cat. “She belonged to Penney Sellers. The woman whose body they fished out of my pond.”

  Sally frowned. “Ah. Yes. I was here when they brought the body in.” She gave me a worried look. “Are you okay? Finding bodies is getting to be a regular thing for you, isn’t it?”

  “I’m fine. I just don’t understand why she was killed at my place.”

  “She was a realtor, right? Maybe she stopped by to check out your property…” Sally shrugged. “I understand she’d been trying to get a lot of people to sell their houses.”

  “You see, that’s just the thing. She did stop by, and I sent her packing. I watched her leave.”

  “That is strange. But from what I heard, I wouldn’t put it past her. Your property is one of the nicest in the area. I’m betting she wouldn’t let it go without a fight.”

  I sighed. “You know, Sal, I supported this new subdivision at first. I thought it would bring in some new blood…maybe a few new businesses…but I’m starting not to like the effects of it.”

  Sally gave me a weary glance. “I hear ya, sister. With all the construction folks and the looky-loos tramping around Deer County State Park and breaking bones and stuff, we’ve never been so busy. And, between you and me, I’m hoping some of these folks just turn around and head right back where they came from instead of moving into the area.” She frowned. “Is that mean?”

  “I don’t know if it is, but I share your sentiment. I’m starting to feel like the old guys who hang out on the bench downtown. I’m wishing for the good old days.”

  Sally laughed and pointed a finger at me, assuming a crotchety voice. “Get off my lawn, you whippersnapper!”

  I chuckled as she stood, shoving a frizzy lock of dirty blonde hair behind one ear. “Oh well. It will be what it will be, I guess. I’ll see ya later, Joey. You take care now, ’kay?”

  “I will. You too.” As she buzzed herself into the examination area, I had a thought. “Hey, you don’t happen to know anybody who Penney Sellers might have hacked off in particular, do you?”

  Sally pulled the door open and held it, her gaze narrowing thoughtfully. “I know a few. There’s the Johnstons out your way. That woman actually told Mr. Johnston he was too old to still have such a remote home and said he’d be doing his kids a favor by selling it before he kicked.”

  My eyes went wide. “Oh my gosh!”

  “Yeah.” Sally shook her head. “Then there’s that author fella who lives out by himself, south of town.” She made a squinty face. “Abels, I think. He’s a real private kind of guy. She marched up to his door big as you please and he couldn’t get rid of her. She told him he’d write better books if he stepped out of his safety zone.” Sally arched an eyebrow as I shook my head. “She suggested he get an apartment in downtown Indianapolis and assured him she’d have no trouble at all selling his place.”

  “Jeezopete,” I breathed.

  “It’s kind of a wonder he didn’t just kill her on the spot and bury her in the woods. He does write murder mysteries after all.”

  “Thanks for the information, Sally.”

  She nodded. “Good luck finding the cat a home. I wish I could take her, but my boyfriend is deathly allergic to cats. Breaks out in hives as big as golf balls if he so much as looks at one.”

  I considered Sally’s information while I waited for Hal. She’d given me a couple of possibilities, though Mr. Johnston, who was probably eighty-years-old, seemed like an unlikely suspect. Still, he could swing a big stick or a bat at the woman’s head. So, we’d talk to him.

  Harold Abels was a much better possibility. I’d met him once at a book signing in Barker’s Books on Main Street. If I recalled correctly, he didn’t seem to fit the description of the guy Penney Sellers had been arguing with, per Marge. Abels had been sitting down when I met him, but I remembered him as a small man and I was pretty sure he didn’t have much hair. He was also almost painfully introverted. But I knew the deadliest currents sometimes ran beneath a placid surface.

  Caught up in my thoughts, I almost missed Hal’s return to the waiting room. Thank goodness, LaLee pulled me right out of my reverie by growling long and low as soon as she clapped eyes on him.

  Hal the Rat dumped me in front of my house with the kennel bouncing around down by my feet and skedaddled, with a murmured excuse I only half heard. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with scrubbing toilets.

  Though I could have misheard that.

  With a long-suffering sigh, I reached down and clasped the handles of the bouncing kennel, tugging it off the ground as it tipped violently from side to side. Some truly terrifying sounds emerged as I lifted. “Calm down, LaLee. You’re going to scare the pibl.”

  The cat hissed to let me know what she thought about that.

  “You might not care if you scare the dog but you will. Scared dogs bite. And she’s got much bigger teeth than you do.”

  A soft growl was the only response I got.

  I stopped at the door, my hand on the knob, and took a bracing breath. Caphy snorfled against the door on the other side, anxious for me to come inside.

  When I didn’t immediately open the door, the pibl barked unhappily. Her nails clicked on the hardwood floor as she ran to the window in the living room which overlooked the porch.

  Her wide, smushy face appeared in the slobbered-up glass. She whined as she spotted me, her wide body shifting from side to side as she worked her muscular tail.

  I hated to open the door and upend her world. But I had to do it. Maybe the two animals would surprise me.

  Maybe they’d get along.

  I pushed open the door, and Caphy lunged out, shoving her face toward the window of the kennel, her nose twitching with interest.

  “Yowl! Hissssss!” A paw snapped through one of the small squares that made up the “window” and Caphy shot backward with a yelp just in time to avoid being slashed by the cat’s claws.

  My dog did an about-face and ran into the living room, diving behind the overstuffed leather recliner in front of the fireplace.

  I carried the kennel inside and placed it on the tile in front of the door

  Caphy didn’t come to see me. She peeked at us from under the ch
air, her gaze locked like a laser on the kennel.

  “Come here, Caphy. I’m sorry, girl.”

  I heard the soft thump of her tail on the rug and then nothing. She wasn’t coming out from behind that recliner unless I pulled her out.

  I bent down and looked at her underneath the chair. “It’s okay, honey. The cat can’t get you.” All I saw was a pair of worried green eyes and a twitching nose on top of two fat paws.

  I left the cat by the door and walked over to see my dog. Sitting down on the floor, I held out a hand and, after a final glance toward the demon in the carrier, she slumped over and lay down, her head on my lap.

  I kissed the soft squishiness of her wide head. “It’s only for a little while, girl. I promise.”

  Caphy whined, but her gaze never strayed from the carrier in the entranceway.

  “She’s kind of cranky, but I’m sure she’s scared,” I told my dog. I knew I was really trying to reassure myself as much as Caphy. She didn’t understand the words, but my tone of voice was set to soothe, and she relaxed slightly underneath it.

  The hair on her back smoothed down a titch.

  My cell rang and I pulled it out of my purse, frowning down at the ID on the screen. Why would Deer Hollow Realtors be calling me?

  Then I remembered giving Madge my number and answered. “Hello?”

  “Joey Fulle?”

  “Yes?’

  “This is Madge down at Deer Hollow Realtors.”

  “Hey, Madge. Did you think of something else about Penney?”

  “No. I mean. I didn’t think of anything. I saw something.”

  “What did you see?”

  “You remember you asked about the guy Penney was fighting with?”

  I sat up straighter, excitement lifting my pulse. “I do.”

  “Well, he was just here. I saw him climbing out of his car at Junior’s.” Junior’s was the local grocery store in the center of Deer Hollow. It was one of those small-town IGAs that are so prevalent in the Midwest. But people in the area called it Junior’s after its owner, Junior Milliard. I stood up and Caphy dove back behind the chair again. “Is he still there?”

  “No. He drove away a couple minutes ago.”

  I deflated, disappointed.

  “But I snapped his picture. I’m sending it to you now.”

  My phone dinged as the photo arrived. I opened Messages, hitting the photo with my finger to enlarge it.

  I sucked in a horrified gasp.

  I was looking at Hal, shoving the door closed on his big, black Escalade.

  Chapter Seven

  I carried the kennel to my parents’ old room and closed the door behind me. Unzipping the opening in the carrier, I walked away to fill a bowl with water in the master bath.

  The cat didn’t come out. In fact, she’d gone silent and very still. I could feel her staring at me through the opening, her gaze burning a hole right between my shoulder blades. I set the bowl of water close to the carrier. “I’ll be back soon, LaLee, and I’ll give you some yummy tuna for dinner.” I crouched down and tried to peer at her through the open door of the kennel.

  All I could see was the eerie glow of her eyes as they caught sunlight from the window. “I need to get you a litter box too, don’t I?”

  The glowing eyes didn’t shift a millimeter. I barely suppressed a shudder. “You’ll be comfy here. You can sleep on the bed as well as climb up on the window seat and look outside. You’ll have fun exploring all the nooks and crannies.” I stood up a moment later when the cat continued to stare at me, unresponsive and cold. The unpleasant critter was obviously judging me inadequate as a caregiver.

  I felt bad leaving her, but I shook it off. It was normal for LaLee to be nervous in her new surroundings. The most important thing was to keep her safe and comfortable until I found her a place to live.

  She didn’t have to love me.

  Though it would be nice if she could look at me without that expression of complete and utter disgust.

  Sigh…

  I stopped at the door and looked back. The kennel didn’t even tremble.

  Guilt ate at me. I wasn’t sure if I was enclosing her in my parents’ room because it was best for her or for me.

  It was definitely best for Caphy. And I owed my dog that at least. So in the end, I shoved the guilt away as I tugged the door closed and Caphy and I headed out again.

  We didn’t get far. Hal was coming down my driveway as Caphy and I walked outside. He stopped the car in the circular drive and climbed out, catching a manically happy pit bull as she threw herself at him.

  Did I imagine the accusing glance my dog threw me as Hal wrapped himself around her wriggling body? “Hey, beauty. What did you think of your new friend?”

  “She’s not a fan,” I told Hal, walking over as he extricated himself from my dog and opened a back car door. “I realized as I was leaving that you’d need some supplies. So, I went back into town and grabbed cat food, litter, and a litter box.”

  All the mean thoughts I’d had about him leaving fled, and I found myself smiling. “You read my mind. I was just going to do that.”

  “Well, now you don’t have to.” Before I realized what he was going to do, he lowered his lips and touched mine in a soft, lingering kiss that curled my toes.

  I closed my eyes and let pleasure swirl through me. He broke the kiss all too soon. “I’m sorry.”

  My eyes blinked open. He looked down at me, his face filled with misery.

  “I only wanted to surprise you. I realize now how it looks and for that I’m sorry. I promise I’m really happy to be here with you.”

  My mind reeling over the quick change of subject, I could only nod. It felt as if my eyes were twice their normal size.

  “You’re still mad?”

  I realized my silence felt like judgment and shook my head. “No. I might have overreacted.” I touched his arm. “I just don’t want you to feel compelled…”

  He put a warm finger over my lips, stopping my attempt to save face. “You’re not compelling me to do anything. I’m a big boy. I made this choice. I’m happy with it.” He leaned back against the car, his arms filled with bags of cat stuff. “I’ll still need to spend time in Indianapolis of course. I have active clients there and Cal depends on me.”

  “Of course.” My stomach jittered happily. Excitement replacing the anger and fear that had been there.

  “But most days I can make the trip back and forth in one day. It’s only an hour and a half.”

  I nodded. “What about your apartment on Broad Ripple?”

  “I’m holding onto it for the time being. If nothing else, we can put clients up there when extra protection is needed.”

  “A safe house on the canal?” I grinned. “I’m feeling very unsafe.”

  He laughed. “You don’t need to be in danger to spend time there, you know. Just tell me when, and we can go take in some shows, do some shopping.”

  That sounded like a lot of fun. “It’s a deal.”

  He sighed. “But right now, we have a murder to solve. After we get the cat settled, are you up for some sleuthing?”

  “I thought you’d never ask. What did you have in mind?”

  “I thought we’d talk to some of the business owners in town. Apparently, Ms. Sellers has been harassing a lot of them about selling. As unlikely as it seems, they all have to hit the suspect list.”

  Just like that, I remembered that he had a spot on that list. I did a mental head slap. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten what Madge had told me not fifteen minutes earlier. That was the effect the man in front of me had on my brain. “Hold on. I need to talk to you about something before we leave.”

  He eyed me carefully. “Sure. What’s up?”

  “I went to speak to Madge over at Deer Hollow Realtors.”

  “I know. I saw you there, remember?”

  “Yeah. By the way, why were you there?”

  His frown was fleeting, quickly dissipating as he shrugged. �
��I’m guessing the same thing you were there for. I wanted to find out if her partner knew of anybody who’d threatened Penny Sellers, or if there was anyone she’d recently had a problem with.”

  I stared at him a long moment. He was either being coy or… “You mean besides you?”

  Surprise flickered across his features. “Me?” He seemed genuinely confused for a beat. Then his expression cleared. “Ah, you mean because I argued with her that day…” He nodded. “I didn’t realize her partner was there.”

  “Okay. That’s not making me feel any better.”

  He sighed. “It was nothing. I found out Penney had been talking to Deb at the bank about the value of my property. Specifically if I subdivided the acreage. I didn’t appreciate it and I told her so.”

  I wouldn’t have appreciated that either. “What did she say?”

  “You met her right?”

  I nodded, wincing.

  “She reacted about like you’d expect her to. She pretended not to know what I was talking about and then got belligerent. She seemed to think that because homes and properties were her business, everything about everybody else’s homes and properties was also her business.” Hal shook his head.

  I chewed the inside of my lip, not wanting to ask him the next question but knowing I needed to. He caught my expression and saved me from my self.

  “Look, I won’t say the woman didn’t make me really mad. She did. I won’t even deny the brief urge to flick her really hard on the end of her nose with my finger. But kill her? No. She wasn’t worth the prison time.”

  “Do you have an alibi for the time she was killed?”

  He raised both eyebrows. “You saw me at my cabin.”

  “I did. But it would have only taken you ten minutes to bop on over here, clock her on the head, and bop back home.”

  His lips twitched. “Bop and clock, huh?”

  I shrugged.

  “You don’t really believe I did that, right? Because, if I thought you believed that, we would have bigger problems than me keeping that cabin a secret for a couple of months.”

  I frowned, shrugging. “Of course, I don’t believe it. But before we can move forward, you need to take yourself out of the running.”