Trust I Seek

by Laura Gates

  "How was your date with Beau?" Levi asked. Evie had to think about how to answer the question. She just kept it simple. "It was perfect," she said. "Is he going to be our daddy now?" Harper asked. Her question stumped her mom. "Let's just say he will be more involved in our lives now," Evie finally answered. "So, is he our new dad?" Levi asked, still searching for the answer he wanted to hear. "Beau and I are going to be dating for now, and if everything continues to go well, he might be," Evie responded. "Okay. I hope so," Levi said. Evie smiled. "Me too," she said. She hugged her kids super tight.

  Beau walked into the kitchen and found the three people he loved more than anyone else in the world. When Levi heard Beau's footsteps, he looked up. "Beau!" he shouted before running into Beau's arms. Harper followed her brother's lead giving her new fatherly figure a huge hug. Beau held them very tightly. As he hugged the kids, Beau looked up at Evie. They smiled at each other. Beau wanted so badly to be apart of this family, and so did Evie. They were both determined to make this work.

  Suddenly, Levi grabbed Beau's face. "I need to talk to you," he said, grabbing Beau's hand and walking out of the kitchen. Harper tried to follow, but Levi said as nicely as possible, "This is a boy talk, Harper. I need you to stay with Mommy." "Okay," Harper said, sounding sad. Evie walked over to her daughter and picked her up. "It's okay. You can be with me while I make a few phone calls," Evie said. "Can you put on speakerphone?" Harper asked. "Yes, but you have to be quiet, or I will have to take you in the other room," Evie said. "Okay," Harper said.

  Levi and Beau walked into the living room just outside the audio room. They both sat down on the couch. "Do you like my mom?" Levi asked. Beau smiled. "Yes, I do. I love her, actually," Beau responded. "Okay. Please don't hurt her over and over again like my dad does. He always played with me when I was a baby, but then he stopped. He treated my mom the way you treat her now, but then he stopped when he got another girlfriend. I don't want to see her cry again," Levi said.

  Beau looked Levi square in the eye with confidence. "The last thing I ever want to do is hurt your mom..." Beau paused and realized what Levi was doing. "Are you giving me the talk that fathers are supposed to give?" Beau asked. Levi smiled. "Yes," he said, "so, I think you know what will happen if you hurt my mom." "You'll kick my butt?" Beau joked. "No, I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish," Levi said, sounding a bit sinister. Beau felt a little intimidated, but he figured Levi was quoting a movie. "I promise not to hurt your mom," Beau said. "Good," Levi replied. "I am so glad you are looking out for your mom," Beau said. Levi smiled. "I want her to be happy, and she is happiest when you are around," Levi said. Beau smiled.

  "Hey, can I show you something?" Beau asked. "Sure," Levi said as he watched Beau stand up and walk to the sound board. Beau turned on the recording he made last night. "I wrote this song for your mom," Beau said as they heard the beginning to Nothing Else Matters. Levi listened to the song very intently. "Is it about my mom and you?" Levi asked. "It sure is," Beau said, smiling. Levi soon smiled also.

  Soon, the other band members walked into the audio room. Beau stood up and hugged Luke. "Thanks again for watching the kids last night," Beau said. "You're welcome," Luke said, "Please tell me you finished the song." Beau nodded. "I was just showing Levi the song, right, Buddy?" Levi nodded. "You were such a big help last night. Thank you, Levi," Luke said, holding up his hand for a high five. "You're welcome, Uncle Luke," Levi responded, hitting Luke's hand. "All right, let's hear it," Rick said. Beau started the song over again.

  All five of them listened super intently. As the song progressed, they all had a smile on their faces. "By far, this is the best love song in heavy metal I've heard, possibly ever," Kade said.

  Rick and Luke nodded. "The vocals sound very raw. Like there was a lot more emotion behind the lyrics than any other song we have written," Luke said.

  "All a part of the planning process," Beau said, smiling. "So, she watched you?" Luke asked. "Yes, and she understood what the musical theme represented. It was…" Beau looked at Levi to try and figure out how to explain this to the band and Levi, "the best night ever."

  "Awesome. This song is going on our album. Let's finish up Rick's song and maybe work on some others," Luke said. The four members of Death Toll went into the recording room while Levi sat down on the couch and listened to the guys jam.

  Meanwhile, Evie had to put Harper in the toy room because she was too disruptive. Evie worked on securing venues and stadiums for the East Coast part of their trip. She even made sure they stopped at her alma mater's stadium to put on a concert. Evie secured stadiums in Buffalo, Albany, Madison Square Garden, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, University Park, and Raleigh.

  When she was on the phone with the booking agent in Raleigh, he asked her a question that stumped her. "What are we calling this tour?" Evie hadn't given it a whole lot of thought. She told the agent that she would talk to the band and get back to him. Evie also made sure to speak with PR and the group to figure out how they would advertise the tour. When Evie got off the phone, she walked to the recording room. She waved to Levi, who was still watching the band intently inside the audio room.

  "Hey guys, sorry to interrupt," Evie began as the boys quit playing for a minute, "we need to figure out what to call this tour and how to advertise it." Beau looked at Luke, Kade, and Rick, trying to see if they had any ideas. "Huh, okay. Well, what has been the main theme of this album?" Beau asked the collective. "We've been talking mostly about what we always talk about," Luke said. "True, war, addiction, and abuse of power are always our main themes," Beau said. "But what about Nothing Else Matters?" Luke said. Beau shrugged. "We can't open the concert with a ballad," he said.

  "Okay, what if we call it the Nothing Else Tour. Because we are Death Toll, nothing else," Luke said.

  "How about the We Are Death Toll, Nothing Else Tour?" Evie asked.

  "Simple, yet strong," Luke said.

  Everyone else nodded. "All right. I will talk to Marketing. When will the album be finished so that we can start promoting it, releasing more songs to radio stations, that sort of thing?" Evie asked the band.

  "We should be done by the end of the week or as early as today. You can call Crazy Tony and have him come listen to Frantic and Nothing Else Matters," Beau said.

  "Perfect. I will take care of everything before then, hopefully, today, if Harper behaves," Evie said with a chuckle. The band smiled. "All right, play pretty," Evie said before walking out the door. Everyone laughed at that joke.

  Beau watched Evie as she walked out of the studio. Luke caught him in the act, wadded up a piece of paper, and threw it at his head. "Focus, man! We are just two songs away from finishing our album," Luke said firmly. Beau shook his head. "All right, who has some other ideas?" Beau asked.

  "Well, I have this riff I wrote after listening to a Soundgarden record, if you don't mind hearing it," Kade said to the group. "Let's hear it," Beau said. Kade, surprised at how open-minded Beau had become, started in the key of E minor but progressed to an A minor chord, sounding almost like a metallic version of Rhythm changes. Kade ended the riff on E minor. Beau liked it, but Luke suggested, “Repeat that first bar again.” Kade followed Luke’s suggestion, and the entire band went, “Whoah!” at the same time. The band continued to work on that song as Beau soon spat out the lyrics.

  After Death Toll listened to their entire set, Evie walked into the audio room again. "So I was able to contact Crazy Tony, and he wants to come in sometime tomorrow to hear your songs, choose some to promote on the radio, that sort of thing. Would 10:00 in the morning work for everyone?" she asked. Everyone nodded. "Cool, I will go confirm with him. I will be in the living room helping Levi with his reading, calling other radio stations, and doing a craft with Harper if anyone needs me," Evie said. "Okay, bye, Babe," Beau said. Evie smiled and blushed. "Bye."

  She walked back towards the living room where her kids were. Levi, who went into the living room to play with his sister, was now reading silentl
y, and Harper was at a little kids' table coloring in a princess coloring book next to a turkey with googly eyes that Evie helped put together. While they were preoccupied, Evie made a few other phone calls to radio stations seeing if they could come in within the week to listen to Death Toll's new album and even put some of the songs on their radio station. Sure enough, all of them were very interested, suggested times, and Evie scheduled everything out.

  Evie listened to Levi read out loud, helped him with any words he had a hard time pronouncing, and praised him when he finished a book. When she told him to read silently again, Evie pulled out some playdough for Harper from the shelves in the living room and monitored her as she made different things with the dough.

  However, Harper began to get a little cranky as she started screaming at her mother when it was time to clean up the playdough. “Okay, Miss Sassy Pants, nap time for you!” Evie said, feeling frustrated.

  “No, no! Wha’ ‘bout ‘tory time?” Harper begged, crying.

  “Will you take a nap after I read you a story?” Evie asked.

  “Yes,” Harper agreed.

  “Will you stop screaming at me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay. Let’s go to the extra bedroom, and we will find a book, okay?” Evie negotiated.

  “Okay,” Harper said.

  “Mom, I’m bored! I’m hungry. Can I have a snack?” Levi yelled as he dropped the book.

  Evie felt a little strained. She looked at her watch, realizing it was lunch time and calmly replied, “There are some grapes, goldfish, and fruit snacks in the kitchen. I will make a lunch run here soon after your sister goes down for her nap,” Evie turned to Harper, “Do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and while I read the story?” Evie tried to compromise.

  “Yes, and a drink,” Harper said, rubbing her tears away.

  “Of course,” Evie said, still trying to remain calm, “let’s go to the kitchen, first.”

  The kids followed their mom into the kitchen. Levi grabbed his snacks while Evie made a sandwich for Harper. Good Evie. Just keep your cool. Get Harper down for a nap, and then go get food for everyone, she coached herself, the kids are hangry, and so are you. Just keep going.

  Once Harper had her sandwich and story, she fell asleep. Evie tucked her in and gave her a kiss. How can someone so little have such big emotions and ideas, Evie contemplated as she closed Harper’s door.

  “All right, Bub,” Evie said quietly to Levi, “shall we go get lunch for the band?”

  “Yes!” Levi said rather loudly.

  “Hey,” Evie snapped quietly, “should you be yelling?”

  Levi hated when his mother did the scary quiet voice. It was worse than yelling. He slowly and shamefully shook his head.

  “All right. Let’s run to Sprouts and get food for everyone. When we get back, I think you need to take a nap,” Evie said, seeing Levi’s tired eyes.

  “No! Levi yelled. Evie grabbed Levi’s arm and dragged him away from the extra bedroom. “Do you want to take a nap now or after lunch?! Levi, you need to be quiet or you will wake up your sister. Do you want to take care of the whining and screaming?”

  Levi paused. “No,” he shamefully responded.

  “All right. So let’s go. If you can show me you are happy, then you can stay up and watch a movie. Does that work?” Evie tried to compromise.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, let’s go get in the car. Now, I need you to be obedient. Can you do that for me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, good.”

  Evie, praying that Levi would behave while at Sprouts, went to the prepared food section and grabbed everyone’s usual lunch orders. She gave Levi’s lunch to him in the car, but he fell asleep before he finished it. Struggling to lift him up, Evie managed to carry Levi into another room with a futon and laid him down. She set the kitchen table with the band’s lunches before making a green smoothie and a steak burrito bowl for herself.

  “Want to eat lunch with us?” Beau asked as Death Toll entered the kitchen. “I think I want to eat by myself. The last hour has been hard, and I just need some alone time,” Evie said. “That’s fine. I could hear Harper screaming a while ago,” Beau said before kissing Evie’s cheek. She smiled. “Thank you for understanding,” Evie said, wrapping her arms around Beau. Evie soon went into the second living room, turned on Netflix, and ate her lunch. She ended up falling asleep on the couch.

  After taking a nap for about an hour and a half, Evie woke up and looked at her smartwatch to check the time, which said 3:30 pm. The day would be ending soon with dinner prepping, gym time, and going to bed. Evie, feeling groggy, also wondered what Beau's plans were in the evening if he would want to go to the gym with her, eat dinner with her and the kids, and spend time with them.

  Just as she was about to stand up, Beau walked into the living room. He sat on the couch next to Evie and put his arms around her. She smiled and leaned against him, and Beau kissed her cheek. "Did you take a nap?" he asked. "Yeah, I didn’t think I needed it, but I guess I didn’t sleep as much as I thought,” Evie laughed. Beau chuckled himself. “Me either, honestly. So, what are your plans this evening?”

  “I was going to head home, eat dinner, load everyone back up in the car, and head to the gym," Evie responded.

  "May I tag along?" Beau asked.

  "Yes, please. I would love that, and I know the hoodlums would love it, too." Evie said.

  “Where are they?”

  “Taking naps. Shall we go wake them up?”

  “Yes.”

  Beau went into Harper’s room and woke her up. She slept in a similar way to her mom, which made Beau laugh. When she opened her eyes and saw Beau, Harper threw her arms around Beau’s neck and sweetly said, “Hi, Beau.” How he missed being a father!

  Once 4:00 hit, Luke loaded Levi and Harper back into his car and drove to Evie's apartment. Beau and Evie followed in Beau's Camaro. Once they got to the apartment, Evie walked inside and immediately began preparing dinner. She soon realized that her crockpot was on with what looked like chicken and some salsa in it. "Did you…?" Evie asked, turning to Beau. "Yes, I did. I remember Phoebe making this a ton on busy days. I had Greta come and pour that this morning," Beau said. "I like 'Dating Beau,'" Evie said. Beau hugged Evie. "'Dating Beau' likes Evie."

  Once dinner was ready, Harper ate whatever Evie ate, and Evie was always grateful for that. Levi decided to eat whatever Beau ate. Beau became Levi's role model and wanted to do everything Beau did. When everyone finished eating, Beau and Levi cleaned up the kitchen while Evie went to her room to get ready to go to the gym.

  She forgot Beau would need some clothes, but then she remembered the large tee shirt and basketball shorts he wore when he stayed the night. Evie quickly changed into black leggings, a light pink high neck tank, and her black high-top Nikes. When she came out of her room, Evie immediately told Beau, "I have the tee-shirt and gym shorts for you in my room. Oh, no, shoes…" Evie tapered off before looking at Beau's feet. He was already wearing tennis shoes. "Changed before we left," Beau said. "Cool. I will load kids in the car while you go change," Evie said. Beau nodded.

  Evie looked around her kitchen and noticed it was clean and tidy. "Thank you for cleaning," Evie said as Beau walked towards her room. He smiled. "You're welcome. I had some help," he said, looking down at Levi. Evie gave her son a hug. "Thank you, Bub," she said. Beau quickly rushed into Evie's room and changed into the gym clothes. He rushed to the car to make sure Levi had buckled himself.

  They all drove to the gym, playing "Song Styles." Each of them took turns singing a song on the radio either in Beau's singing style or trying to imitate the actual singer. They all laughed. When Beau would sing, he had back-up vocals by Evie and the kids. Despite the kids singing off-key, he loved the game.

  After the Zumba class, Beau and Evie went and lifted some weights for about 20 minutes. A couple of guys walked up to Beau and Evie, trying to talk to Beau before hitting on Evie. "Th
ank you guys, but I believe my girlfriend and I need to finish lifting before picking up the kids," Beau said, wrapping his arm around Evie. She could not help but hold in a laugh trying to smile gracefully. Smooth, she thought to herself sarcastically. "Bye, guys," Evie said as Beau led them to another machine. She watched the guys stand there looking stunned and deflated.

  Beau and Evie soon went and picked up Levi and Harper in childcare, and then they drove back to Evie's townhouse. Evie gave the kids baths and helped them get dressed. Beau read them a bedtime story. When Evie was getting ready to tuck her children in bed, they both asked if Beau could do it. She smiled, told Beau what they wanted, and he soon went to tuck them in bed and sang their lullaby to each of them.

  Once they were in bed, Beau and Evie sat down on the couch for a second. "So," Beau started wrapping an arm around Evie's shoulders, "should I go home or…?" Evie took in a deep breath and sighed. "I don't know if it will be weird for them or not because sometimes they come into my room at night. I mean, they saw you in my room last week, but I don't know about...," she said.

  Just as Beau was about to say goodnight to Evie, Levi came out of his room. "Bub, what are you doing? You need to go back to your room," Evie said sternly, but lovingly, before standing up. "I just wanted to tell Beau something," he said, walking towards Beau, "If you want to sleep over, you can. I know my mom loves it when you do. We like seeing you in the morning."

  Beau and Evie smiled. "All right. I will even sleep on the couch if you want me to," Beau said. "My mom's bed is way comfier. She likes to cuddle at night with you," Levi said. Evie was laughing so hard internally. Beau struggled himself. "Thank you, Levi. I will talk to your mom about it. Now, it's time for you to go to bed," Beau said, pointing to his room. "Okay, goodnight, Beau," Levi said, hugging Beau. "Goodnight, Mommy," Levi said, hugging his mom after that. Evie smiled. "Goodnight, Bub. Sleep well. I love you," Evie said. "Love you, too," Levi said as he walked back up the stairs to his room and closed the door.