Chasing Stars

by Siler, Mercedes

  “Diner.”

  “That’s cool. It’s not far away.”

  “I also have Dex.” I look him over, smelling him already. It’s a bad smell, like iron and cheeseburgers, and I have to scrunch my nose and roll the windows all the way down. I am not ready for him to smell so bad. “Can you keep him if I run out of time?”

  “Yeah! Fo sho!”

  I roll my eyes. At least I know he’ll eat dinner. And their mom, Natalie will make him take a bath. He has clean clothes there. “Cool. We’ll be over in a minute.” I hang up and begin the drive.

  “What’s goin’ on?” he asks, watching me drive.

  I glance at him. He didn’t take his backpack off. “Ares got in a fight.”

  “Like a fist fight?”

  “I guess. I don’t know.”

  “Did he win?”

  “I don’t know.” I let out a frustrated breath and hold my poor stomach. It’s totally not the right time to start getting girly and hormonal about things. And about Ares? It will never be the right time for those hormones. My life is way too complicated. Ares has always been just a midnight snack of a fantasy. But he has those smoldering looks and those deep, dark eyes I’ve never been able to completely ignore.

  “Are you mad?”

  “No, just tired.” I ruffle his hair. “How was your last day of summer camp?”

  He goes on and on about his day and his friends and getting in trouble and being rebels. “Being a rebel by getting in trouble is pretty dumb.” I put my elbow on my open window ledge and hold my forehead, letting the hot breeze blow on my flushed face and throat. This must be the hottest day of the year. There’s no air conditioning in my stupid old car but I usually don’t need it.

  Dexter jumps out of the car when we get to the house and runs through the gate to the backyard to play with the dogs. It’s fresh and bright here. It smells like the end of summers when I practically lived here, anxiously awaiting the start of school and the new coats and backpacks Natalie would always treat us with.

  Sometimes I like to pretend this is my house and my family I’m coming home to.

  I let myself in and find Persephone. We get snacks and migrate to the living room while Dex comes through and grabs cookies. He escapes Persephone’s teasing, running to the den to watch cartoons.

  Persephone sits on her feet on the end of the couch and I sit cross-legged. She starts talking about her boyfriend and their plans to go to his uncle’s cabin to party and I’m triggered. It immediately puts me on edge. “I really don’t think you should go with him.” I’m trying to be nonchalant, eating a carrot dipped in ranch.

  “Why? I don’t get what your problem is. We’ll be at the cabin. If we do anything, he’ll be there, you know? I can’t live my life not trying things because boring is safe. He does molly all the time and he’s fine. What’s the difference between him and me doing it in his uncle’s cabin while his friends are partying, and you and me doing it at the club?”

  “Because it’s stupid. You know he won’t take care of you the way he should. We’ve always taken care of each other and you think everyone is like that but they’re not. There are bad people out there that will take advantage of a girl who won’t remember a face.” I look at her narrowed eyes and sigh. I don’t know what to say to convince her to not go and to not just blindly trust for the sake of fun and experience. “It scares me to think you could be one of those girls. Jimmy’s not going to protect you from a cabinful of horny, drugged guys.” Just thinking about it makes my head hurt.

  The door opens and Ares stumbles in, followed by his parents. His beautiful eyes lock on me and I blush. It’s like he’s studying me, committing my every detail to memory so he can paint it later. His mother and sister fuss over him and he pushes through them and trudges over to where I’m sitting on the sofa. He lies down with his head in my lap and closes his eyes.

  Oh my God.

  What do I do now?

  What do I do with my hands?

  I don’t want my body to react and his family to see it.

  Deep breath. Let it out slow.

  I put my hands on his hair and ignore the electricity that buzzes. He’s hurt and on pain meds. I comb my fingers through his hair, soothing him. I would do the same if Persephone or Dex came and laid their head in my lap.

  His body relaxes into deep little kid sleep, his arm falling over the edge.

  Natalie comes over to fix his arm, adjusting him so he’s comfortable. She stands and looks into my eyes with her dark ones, her long black hair falling down her back. “The pain medicine they gave him made him loopy,” she explains. “How’ve you been?” She sits on the other sofa, looking at her little boy, not even looking old enough for him to be her little boy.

  “You know, surviving. What happened?”

  Marc sits down on the arm of the couch next to Natalie. “I was in my construction trailer, but one of the guys ran in telling me they were fighting.” He has a set to his jaw and a look in his eyes I don’t think I’ve ever seen. He runs his hand through his curls like he doesn’t know how to begin. “I guess the guy had been treating my people pretty bad. You know how bigots are, a lot of talk. I didn’t know, otherwise I would have fired him and gone in another direction. He called Ares out of his name and used some other derogatory words and told him if he had a problem with the way he talked, he should go tell his daddy.” He has an embarrassed shade of red crawling up his dark skin. “The guys said Ares dropped his stuff and that was it. The guy outweighed him by at least a hundred pounds. He had a family to go home to. No way was our boy coming out of that okay. But he did break the guy’s nose.” He grins. “I got him to agree it was a fair fight, and no one needed to press charges.”

  “Did you fire him, though?” Persephone asks, eyes narrowed.

  “We agreed it would be best if he moved on, seeing as how half the crew refused to work for him.” He smiles a tight smile.

  “You should have put him in jail. Isn’t it a hate crime or something?” Persephone keeps questioning.

  “How was Wyoming?” I ask Natalie while Marc and Persephone argue and her son’s head is lusciously heavy in my lap.

  “Gorgeous. Dusty. I love the Reservation horses. I think they’re my favorite to take pictures of. How’s Dexter?”

  “Fine. He’s here. He stinks. Do you mind if he stays while I go to work?”

  “I never mind.”

  Ares stirs and moves his hand around my thigh with a half-drunk smile on his lips.

  Oh my God.

  She laughs. “Don’t worry. I don’t think he’ll remember any of this.” She grins and stands and they all leave to the kitchen.

  And now I’m alone.

  I trace the line of his jaw and his cheekbones with my fingertips. I hold his smooth cheek in my palm, feeling the warmth and realness of him. I could look at him forever. It’s a stupid, dangerous road to wander but self-control has never been my strength.

  He turns, his casted arm across his body, his hand resting over his heart. His swollen fingers twitch, sending waves of affection through me. I hold his swollen fingers gently and they squeeze mine, weak.

  This is too much.

  I’m going to die of hormones.

  Chapter Four

  Ares

  Nikki moves from table to table, giving her waitress smile. She takes orders, brings food, refills coffee cups. She talks and smiles and laughs. Her uniform skirt is too short and the top is too tight, unbuttoned as low as is decent. She told me one time it was to ensure the best tips possible and I thought it was clever. It made me happy to know that humans are all so basic and she, as a waitress, has figured it out.

  The diner is lame and the food is good but not as good as the other diner we go to eat. It would be cool if she worked there instead but she said she didn’t want to hang out where she worked.

  She’s talking to a little kid, taking his order. I love her face. She’s so different when she’s working. She has a bright, warm smile and s
he looks happy. Especially with the little kids. She focuses on them and their orders like theirs are the only one that matters. It’s like she wants to see beauty in everything and she can through them.

  “Hey, are you watching Nikki?”

  I look at Persephone, having to tear my eyes away from Nikki to do so. “Huh?

  “Watching Nikki?” she asks, her eyes daring.

  “She smiles a lot.”

  “It’s depressing, isn’t it?”

  I nod and we both watch her.

  “She likes flattering people.”

  Yeah. She’s incredibly flirty. I can never tell if she’s really flirting when she’s talking to me or if she just sees me as her oldest and best friend’s twin brother.

  She comes over, smiling. “Those people over there are pissing me off so hard. They better leave a damn good tip.” She gets out her little notebook thing and a pencil. “So, what can I get for you today?” she asks, catching her breath.

  “I would like a vanilla shake and a slice of apple pie,” Persephone starts.

  “And for you, sir?” She looks at me with her warm smile and glow.

  I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Her cheeks flush. Before I have a chance to speak or figure out if her cheeks are pink because she’s embarrassed for me or shy, Persephone starts ordering for me. “He would like a chocolate fudge brownie a la mode and a vanilla shake.”

  I actually wanted coffee.

  Nikki smiles at me. “How are you feeling?”

  “My mom told me I made you blush. I’m sorry.” I bite my lip, embarrassed. Persephone and my mom told me later what I did, laughing at me the whole time. I wish my regular self was as brave as my stoned self. “I told them I didn’t need the pain pills but they made me take them so I wouldn’t come back later.” All I remember is she looked like an angel I wanted to be next to in my pain pill haze. I never react well to medicine.

  “Does your wrist hurt?” She’s concerned.

  I shake my head, looking at my cast already covered with paint. It’s been handy as a palette. “No, it’s fine.”

  A smile crosses her lips. “I’ll be back with your shakes.” She puts her notebook away and leaves.

  Persephone narrows her eyes at me. “Since when do you talk to Nikki like that?”

  I look at her like she’s pathetic. “What are you expecting me to say? It’s since she gave me the BJ of my life two days ago? It’s not.”

  “You’re getting kinda soft, ya know? With the deer and the long walks in the woods. Now you’re being nice and talking to Nikki. It’s weird. She’s my friend, not yours.”

  Whatever.

  “Was Marc mad?” She changes the subject.

  I start playing with the sugar packets. I messed up. I can’t fight every bigot asshole in the world. I know that. “I should have let it go.”

  “That’s stupid. He’s the one who started it.”

  “I should have kept my cool.”

  “You’re insane.” She shakes her head and now sneers. “By the way, some girl came in to the record store the other day talking about you.”

  I frown, curiosity piqued. “What girl?”

  “Her name is Wendy or something. She was talking to her friend about the cute guy at the skateboard shop. She went into disgustingly great detail about his gorgeous eyes so I knew it was you. They were so irritating and fake I wanted to punch them in the face.”

  I roll my eyes, tearing open a sugar packet. I pour the contents onto the middle of my tongue.

  She makes a face. “Gross.”

  “Here are your shakes.” Nikki gives us the shakes with the mixer cups. “Need anything else while I’m over here?” She puts a cup of coffee down in front of me.

  I look into her eyes and stay there a little too long, my heart pounding.

  “When are you off?” Persephone asks, breaking it.

  “Five minutes.” She grins and leaves.

  I put sugar in my coffee while sipping my shake. I can see the sadness so deep and dark in her eyes but nobody else cares because she covers it so well. Like when we were talking at the diner about her mom. I’ve known her for over eight years and I’ve never thought too much about her home life because she covers it so well. And I have seen her pee outside because she drank too much at a party. It makes me wonder. Is everything a lie? Her happy face is a lie like her makeup and clothes. “I think my face would hurt if I smiled so much.”

  “And little children would run in fear.”

  I lick the sugar residue off my fingers and watch Nikki go around making everybody happy, smiling away her soul. I watch as her hand rests on her belly like she’s in pain or something else.

  “Your stupid friend Taylor. The one that used to be in the band with Jimmy before he kicked him out? He came in to buy a Rihanna CD today. I almost punched him in the face too.”

  “Taylor?” My eyebrows furrow. “I thought he was in Kansas.” It’s weird he wouldn’t tell me he was home. But we’re not really keep-tabs-on-each-other people.

  “Yeah, you know, the one that looks like he hasn’t showered in a year? The one with the lame stoner voice?”

  I don’t know why I should care if he bought a Rihanna CD.

  “Well anyway, he bought a Rihanna CD so I wanted to punch him in the face too.”

  Maybe Nikki’s stomach hurts because she’s hungry.

  “Your hand does look ugly.” Persephone looks at it with a sad face.

  I curl and flex my fingers. “Yeah, it feels funny when I wiggle my fingers. They’re kinda numb.”

  “How did it happen?”

  “Brawler break. It’s not as bad as it could be.”

  Nikki takes her apron off and plops next to me with a deep sigh. “Talking about your recent tough guy escapades?” she asks, eyebrow raised, lips shiny and juicy. She takes her name tag off and pins it to her apron.

  “I had to defend my family honor,” My eyes narrow and my stomach churns with irritation.

  “Oh yes, of course.” She says, sarcasm dripping from her lips. “Family honor must always be defended not by valiant acts of courage or good deeds, no, always by blows.”

  “Fuck off. We all hate that guy.” Persephone’s feathers ruffle.

  Nikki glances at her with indifference.

  Seeing my sister angry is like seeing the anger on myself. It makes her look stupid. It was stupid. I hate the angry part of me.

  The waitress comes with our food and Nikki smiles her beautiful fellow-waitress smile. “Thank you.”

  We all watch her go.

  Nikki looks away, lost in her secret thoughts.

  I want to know what’s going on behind her eyes.

  “Want some of my apple pie?” Persephone asks her.

  She shakes her head. “I don’t like apples. They make my lips itch.” She bites her lip, looking at my brownie.

  I move my plate closer to her. “Want some of mine?”

  She smiles with her eyes. She takes my fork and takes a bite, sexy because I’m watching. She looks into my eyes. “Thanks. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

  “Unbutton another button while I think.” I take my fork back.

  “I would, but I can’t. I’m at my place of business,” she says. “Besides, what would your sister say?” She turns toward me and takes my fork back. She crosses her leg to move closer and listens to Persephone.

  Her fingers play with the hem of her skirt while she talks to my sister, her fingers slowly stroking the fabric. I look away and take a drink to let the overwhelming arousal die.

  I look out the window and touch the palm of my injured and swollen hand.

  “Oh my God, Ares! Hey!”

  It’s two girls who hang out with my old group of skateboarder/stoner friends. I raise my chin and wave.

  “Oh my God! What happened to you?”

  The energy and warmth Nikki was emitting goes cold. That sucks. I will hate them forever. “I got in a fight with some guy I work with.
No biggie.” I shrug it off.

  “Poor baby,” one of them pouts. She has glossy, sparkly lips. She’s skinny. “Who are these people? Is she your girlfriend?”

  Nikki’s annoyed.

  I motion to Nikki and Persephone. “This is my sister, Persephone, and this is Nikki.”

  “I didn’t know you had an older sister!”

  “Yeah.” I grin. I love seeing Persephone’s face when people don’t know I have a twin sister. “Who are you here with?” I don’t care but I want them to be reminded of where they were going.

  “Just a bunch of friends. You should come sit with us. It’s been a long time.”

  “Yeah, we’re kind of in the middle of—”

  “Oh my God! How’d you break your arm?”

  This is bothersome. All I want to do is keep watching Nikki.

  “Does it hurt?”

  I half smile. “When I try to jerk off.” I make a jerking off gesture. Nikki and Persephone laugh and I grin.

  The girl laughs a fake laugh. “Well, we gotta get back.”

  “See ya.” I nod, watching them go.

  Nikki takes my shake, warming to me again. “That wasn’t nice.”

  I move closer to her, putting my arm around her and feeding her a forkful of my brownie and ice cream. She takes it and purrs at me, watching my face.

  “Why are you guys all lovey-dovey with each other? It’s disgusting.” Persephone glares at us.

  “Because he wants this.” Nikki runs her hands down her body. “He knows I’m a total sexpot and he thinks he’s the pussy king.” She grins. “Right Ares?”

  “It must be your uniform. And I did just get a concussion. See my stitches?” I turn and let her look at the steri-stripped gash over my left eye.

  She grimaces. “Icky.”

  I feed myself another bite.

  Nikki looks comfy but Persephone is not. “You need to get a boyfriend and stop trying to jump my brother’s bones.”

  “Oh my God, Persephone. We’re having fun. Chill the fuck out. Not everything has to be a big fucking deal.” She shudders.

  “Why are you being such a butthole today?”

  “I’m not,” she replies between her teeth.

  “You don’t have to take your PMS out on me.”