Maybe Me

by Rachel Kiss

  “Okay. Yeah. I’ll give her a call,” I promise.

  Then I plop my head back on my pillow. Mom thinks Luke is going to break up with Gia????

  The thought has my longing heart drumming.

  But it’s dumb. The reaction, I mean (not my mom). Face it, just today, he told me he ‘cares’ about Gia. “A lot.” Me and her, both. Those were his exact words. Sigh.

  To be honest, he really does seem to like her more than all the other girls he’s dated. Sadly, I hate her more than all the other girls he’s dated.

  Maybe it’s because now I need him. More than usual. Without Ally around, I need him to be my fill-in best friend … just like he says he is—my best friend.

  Unfortunately, that makes smoke come out of Gia’s ears.

  But Gia can bite me.

  CHAPTER 14

  Mom texted me from the airport. “By the way, after her chorus concert Renee skipped off with that bizarre handsome boy, Jonah. You said he’s not the total weird-o he seemed after your accident … right?”

  Chills went through me. Oh man! Renee is with JONAH??? … And—and Mom won’t be home for the whole WEEKEND?

  I did a face-palm. This is not good.

  Rocking back and forth, I sat stewing, not sure how to persuade Mom to make Renee stay away from Jonah. I mean, without totally freaking her out, since Mom had to leave. The state. I mean, there was no sense making her have a panic attack when she couldn’t do anything—except have a panic attack. Or, well, not go where she was sent … and get fired or something. So, I had to think about what to say.

  But as I was thinking, Mom wrote, “Getting ready to take off soon. He’s a good guy though, right?—just misunderstood? Isn’t that what you said about him?”

  Uh, yeah. That’s what I said.

  … But that was before he creeped into my room and left me highly inappropriate gifts. And before he decided to get to me through my starry-eyed annoying stepsister.

  Before I could text Mom back, she wrote: “Got to shut off my phone now, we’re departing. Be sure to call Mrs. Katz if you need anything. Or Luke’s mom…. Maybe you should just skip Mrs. Katz. Go right to Luke’s. I love you sweetie. See you soon!”

  Ugh!!!

  CHAPTER 15

  It’s after nine now and I’m stuck worrying about annoying Renee. It’s annoying.

  After an hour of getting no responses from my texts to her, I huff and text her best friend, Shondra.

  “No, I haven’t seen her. She bailed on shopping tonight,” Shondra texts back. “But, I bet I know who she’s with—Yummy Jonah.”

  My stomach twists. Great. “Thanks.”

  Finally, Renee answers one of my texts. Finally!! “WHAT do you want?!!!!”

  ‘To make sure you’re alive,’ I want to tell her. But that seems a little overly dramatic. (I hope.) And responding: ‘To make sure you’re not fulfilling Jonah’s fantasies,’ seems a little overly direct. (Though really it’s not direct enough.)

  I go for breezy, “Where’ve you been?”

  Renee doesn’t answer my question. Instead, she texts: “If Mom asks, tell her I’m spending the night at Shondra’s, k?”

  “You know Mom’s not here, right? She went to Seattle. She said for you to come home, though. She said to tell you not to go anywhere.” She didn’t really say any of this, of course. But I’m sure she would have if she knew Renee was now dating a peeping-tom, lingerie-giver.

  Renee texts: “Why?”

  Sigh. “I don’t know. That’s just what she said.”

  “Well, if she calls just tell her I’m in the shower or something.”

  “Renee, just come home.”

  I can’t take all this worry. I just want to lock her in her room.

  Renee types, “Bye.”

  “Renee, come home!!!!! Jonah is a psycho.”

  “YOU’RE the psycho, Jazz.”

  Grrrr! “He’s only using you to get to me.”

  “Wow. Seriously, wow. You truly believe the whole UNIVERSE revolves around you. News flash: it doesn’t. Not EVERY guy wants you, Jazz. For instance: Luke wants his GIRLFRIEND. And Jonah wants me. ME!!!!!!!!”

  “Renee, they had to THROW him out of my hospital room—multiple times.”

  “Because he felt GUILTY about crashing into you. That’s what you told Mom.”

  Face-palm. Yes, I’m an idiot. “I only told Mom that so she wouldn’t worry.”

  “OR you said it because it’s TOTALLY true. And now you’re just jealous that you don’t have a boyfriend right now—and I do. AND you’re jealous that Jonah likes me more than you.”

  “Renee … you’re delusional.”

  “No. You are. That car accident has smashed your brain to crazy bits. STOP texting me. I’m not going to answer anymore.”

  And then she doesn’t. I keep texting. She keeps not answering.

  So, now I’m calling. And calling.

  Finally, she answers with this cheery greeting: “Stop CALLING me, Delusion Girl.”

  “Come home and I will,” I tell her. “I’ll totally stop.”

  I can hear Jonah’s voice in the background. He says something that makes Renee giggle.

  Groan.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Delusion Girl,” Renee says, then click. She hangs up.

  Grrr!

  With a huge sigh, I finally give in. I text Jonah: “Leave my sister alone.”

  He texts back, “I’ll make you a trade.”

  I stare at his words, narrowing my eyes. “????”

  He answers exactly what I was afraid of: “Your sister for you.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Of course I don’t go along with Jonah’s disturbing offer. Instead I threaten him via text: “You know, I could call the police.”

  “And tell them what? Your sister can’t keep her tongue out of my mouth?”

  Gag.

  I stop texting. Instead, I pace.

  And pace.

  CHAPTER 17

  Having no clue where Jonah hangs out, I go to Pikes. It’s Friday night. I figure if Renee takes him anywhere, it will be here. So far though, she hasn’t shown. It’s still kind of early though. So I just lamely hang out, hoping she might make an appearance.

  Destiny went to her dad’s for the weekend. Otherwise, I would have made her drive me here. (My car is in the shop. Since, you know, I had a major car accident.) I would have made Destiny sit here with me too. Instead, I had to walk and sit alone. I hate that.

  Luke is around. He’s with Gia, The Witch, though. So I don’t go over and talk to him. Instead I sit by myself, feeling like a loser. It’s weird seeing him with Gia and her friends—the beautiful crowd—he looks bored. Usually he hangs with his band. Or sometimes the guys from his hockey team. But neither set is around tonight. No one is. I mean, the place is packed, but it’s full of people we don’t associate with.

  I would definitely leave if I had any other ideas where to look for Renee, but I don’t.

  I text Shondra again. She says if she hears from Renee she’ll send her here. So here I sit, ordering soda after soda, thinking morbid thoughts—you know, Jonah doing something sleazy to Renee, just to get to me. (Yes, I know the universe doesn’t revolve around me … but Jonah’s seems to.)

  Every time I glance at Luke across the crowded building, he’s looking at me. Every. Time. It makes these tickly sparks skitter through my insides, his eyes on me all unexpectedly. My breath hitches every time.

  He’s probably wondering why I’m here by myself. Probably thinks I’m waiting for a guy. He can’t text me though. Gia takes away his phone when they are together, so he’ll ‘pay attention’ to her. I have to admit, it’s not a bad rule; only frustrating when I want to text him—which is always.

  We keep making faces at each other from across the room. After a while Gia catches him doing it and scowls. She goes on the warpath any time Luke and I get together and start messing around. She’s a lunatic. That’s why I haven’t gone over there and talked to him,
or vice versa. She keeps him on a pretty tight leash anyway, but since I’m here she’s basically strangling him.

  Still, at one point he makes a quick trip to the DJ, snatching one of my french-fries as he passes, then he sits beside me on his way back.

  “Why are you here by yourself?” he asks.

  “Waiting for Renee. Have you seen her?”

  “Nuh-uh. Not tonight. No one’s here.” He grabs another fry. He lifts a brow, “You’re going to hang with Renee?” He says it like the thought is too wild to even consider.

  Gia comes over to us and snuggles up with Luke, bringing the scent of expensive perfume. (I hate her, but I have to admit, she smells really, really good. Really good.) Luke absently puts his arm around her. Something he does automatically, like it’s where his arm belongs, around exquisitely proportioned, Gia. The gesture isn’t even something he thought about—he just did it. But Gia obviously thought about it, big time. ‘Cause she gives me a catty smile, like: See, he’s mine. So there! I just take a sip of my soda, pretending I didn’t notice, but yeah, inside I sob a little. (Only, really, if someone snuggles up to you, it’s only natural to put your arm around them, right? Right???)

  Still, she’s a total nut-case for even thinking I could ‘steal’ Luke from her. She’s tall, blond and beautiful. She looks and even smells like a model. She could have any guy she wants … and Luke only sees me as a friend. (Oh, correction—best friend.) (Grrr!)

  What Gia doesn’t get is, Luke has stashed me in the ‘Friend Zone.’ For life. To him, I’m strictly someone to play the guitar and goof off with. But definitely not someone to snuggle up to. Or kiss. Seriously, he didn’t even realize I was a girl … until after my coma. Now he seems to find it unsettling—that I’m a girl. It has him staring … and scratching his head.

  “Would you get me another soda?” Gia asks Luke.

  When Luke slogs off to do her bidding, Gia turns to me with a snarl, “Why don’t you get a new boyfriend?—so mine doesn’t have to baby-sit you?”

  I raise my eyebrows. “He doesn’t have to baby-sit me. He doesn’t even have to talk to me.”

  Gia narrows her eyes, hopping off the barstool. “Look, he may be blind, but I’m not. You hang around everywhere he goes—like tonight, here—giving him puppy-dog eyes. You’re pathetic. The only reason he even talks to you is because he feels sorry for you—since your one and only friend left. And sadly, you seem to have run out of desperate guys to date.”

  She sneers, “But you can’t date Luke. Luke is mine—and if you keep leeching on him, I’m going to make him cut you loose—completely.”

  I sneer back at her, “As if you could.”

  She doesn’t have a comeback for that. Of course. Because, really, deep down, she knows: she can be as skanky for Luke as she wants, but if she gives him an ultimatum he’ll pick his best friend. He just will.

  She grits her teeth, then THROWS her empty glass at me. Well, the contents of it. Which dribbles over me. Not really doing anything. Except making me mad.

  Out of sheer impulse (mostly) I throw my contents from my glass at her. Only, mine’s not empty. Not even close.

  Meanwhile Luke runs back to us. He’s carrying Gia’s new soda. He keeps it out of her reach, though, as she’s throwing a fit about her dress. How I ruined it.

  “Oh, I feel so sorry for you,” I tell her, tossing her paraphrased sentiments back at her. “Maybe next time resist throwing your drink at me. Just throw yourself at Luke.”

  Luke tilts his head at my words. Which, okay, they make no sense. He’s her boyfriend. Not much of a slam.

  Still, Gia glares at me like it was. “Shut up, troll.”

  “Hey. Jeez, both of you stop it,” Luke says.

  Gia shoots him daggers with her eyes. “I’m going home.”

  She storms off.

  Luke sets his jaw, watching her make her way through the crowded building. He shoots me a sideways glance. “You know, you make her mad flaunting it in her face that I’d choose you over her.”

  My heart slams against my chest hearing him admit it out loud. “Would you?”

  “Well, not right now,” he says, puffing out a breath. “Right now I have to chase after her—because you threw your drink on her.”

  “Sorry,” I mutter, though he’s not sticking around for my apology. Or my anything. He’s already on his way to the door.

  I watch him go, feeling sort of miserable. Sure, he would choose me over Gia—I knew that already. But the thing is, if she doesn’t give him the ultimatum, then he’ll never be forced to make that choice. And he won’t do it on his own. And face it, no one can blame him … I guess. No one should have to choose between their best friend and their girlfriend.

  But, sigh. WHY does he put up with Gia? Why? She gets mad at everything. Boys are stupid.

  Just as I’m getting ready to give up on trying to save Renee (as if I even can) she shows up. Here. At Pikes.

  She glares at me as she stomps her way to where I’m standing. “You DON’T need to check up on me,” she yells. “WHY are you? Why?!! I’m a big girl—the same age as you. I can handle my own losers.”

  My eyebrows rise. “Oh? Now Jonah’s a loser?”

  I’m relieved. For a moment. But only a second. Then my stomach knots as I think it over. What would it actually take for her to realize that?—tons. Jonah would have had to do something majorly psycho for her to finally get it in her brain.

  I gasp out, “What did he do to you?”

  “Nothing!!!” she shouts, like it’s a total crime. “He did absolutely nothing to me—because of you.”

  “Good. Renee, the guy is deranged.”

  “You’re deranged!” she shouts. “He’s gorgeous. And he was into me. Big time. Until you told him to leave me alone.”

  “Because he’s a friggin’ stalker!!”

  Renee growls, “That car accident has shook your brain to saw dust.”

  “Renee, he gave me underwear!” Okay, I admit, I yelled that a little louder than necessary.

  For a moment Renee looks like she’s seriously worried about me. Like I should be in a padded cell. Then she rolls her eyes. “Go see a doctor,” she mutters.

  Then she turns and storms away.

  CHAPTER 18

  Renee stormed out of Pikes with Shondra at her heels and Jonah nowhere in sight, so I figure my babysitting is complete. I head for home.

  At the most, I get a block away from Pikes when I get a text from Jonah: “Come visit me.”

  “Uh, no.”

  He texts back: “If you don’t come, I’ll invite your sister … she’ll come, right? You know she will. And whatever you’re afraid I’ll do to her, that’s what I’ll do to her.”

  I groan. “Jonah, just leave her alone.”

  “I will. I did.”

  I stare at his words and sigh. Not a sigh of relief. Not exactly. I don’t text him back, since it’s true—he did as I asked about Renee, which was nice (slightly). I guess. I mean, if you don’t look at the rest of the picture. But it’s hard not to. I mean, the rest of the picture is huge. And creepy.

  After a tiny while of me not responding to him he texts: “Look, I have a GIFT for you, okay? I’d take it to your house … but you get upset when I do that.”

  “Jonah, you BROKE into my house—you broke into my room!!!!”

  “Well, now I’m not doing that. See, I’m learning.”

  “Actually, you’re blackmailing me.”

  “Fair enough.”

  I blow out a breath. “So, I don’t have to come?”

  He texts back: “Your sister will. Happily.”

  “So … you’re still blackmailing me?”

  “I’d rather not. I’d rather you came of your own free will.”

  “Never going to happen, buddy.”

  “Okay. Then yes, I’m blackmailing you.”

  He texts me an address to a boat on the docks—which is surprisingly close to where I’m at. So, after some serious hesitation, I
just go ahead and go. I mean, it’s that close.

  But I don’t plan to take a step on the boat. No way. I’m just curious … what’s he doing on a boat?

  When I get to the right one, I blink. It’s a really nice boat. Fancy.

  Jonah is watching me, leaning against the boat’s railing. He could probably see me the whole time he was texting me.

  “Why do you fight me so much?” he asks. “Why couldn’t you just come without me having to make stupid threats?”

  Um … because I wouldn’t have come if he didn’t make the stupid threat. Poor Renee is stupid. She’s truly, totally hypostasized by his pretty eyes and grin. As much as she bugs me, still, I don’t want her to get hurt just because Jonah is trying to get to me.

  But that doesn’t seem like a smart thing to tell him—that he actually does hold power over me with his threats about Renee. At least for this weekend. But when my mom gets home from Seattle, I’m so going to rat the dude out. Then Mom won’t let Renee near the guy. She’ll probably even call the police on his butt.

  Well, so be it. He earned his own funeral.

  I draw out a breath. “Look, you wanted me here—I’m here. What do you want?”

  “I want to talk.” He stares into my eyes coaxingly. “Just talk.”

  I bite my lip. “Okay—talk.”

  “Come up here with me.”

  I shake my head. “No way.”

  “Come on,” he says, reaching out his hand to me. “You know I’m not going to hurt you.”

  I back away from his grasp, but I climb up on the boat anyway. It’s a nice boat. (I’m a sucker for boats.) And really, yeah. He’s right. I’m fairly sure he won’t hurt me. I mean, it’s Jonah. I have a soft spot for the stalker. I’m strangely drawn to his strangeness, though I know that is seriously messed up.

  “You want to look around?” he asks.

  Actually, I do.

  He sits against the rail. “Go ahead.”