Uncle Joe's Stories

by Baron Edward Hugessen Knatchbull-Hugessen Brabourne

  CAT AND DOG.

  To "live like cat and dog" has long been proverbial as a description ofa state of life in which quarrels and bickerings are of frequentoccurrence. No one, however, as far as I am aware, has ever followed toits sources the proverb which is so familiar to us all; nor has anyoneattempted to explain the reason of the antagonistic spirit whichundoubtedly prevails between these domestic animals. Its prevalence iscertain, its consequences not seldom unfortunate, and many a once happyhousehold has been rendered miserable by its existence.

  Animated by a sincere desire to acquire information, which might be atonce interesting to myself, and instructive as well as beneficial to myfellow creatures, I have spared no pains to discover the truth uponthis all-important subject; and if I can succeed in placing that truthclearly and dispassionately before the world, I shall feel--and I thinkI may cherish the feeling without exposing myself to the charge ofpresumption,--that I have not lived in vain.

  Whatever rumours may, in a less enlightened age, have prevailed uponthe subject, I believe that there is no doubt as to the origin of theunfortunate difference which first caused hostility to become deeplyrooted in the breasts of the canine and feline races. Some havesupposed it to have sprung from certain acts of favouritism displayedby the human race towards one or other of the two species of animals;others have come to the conclusion that in-bred and natural wickednessgave rise to the evil, whilst others again have started different, butequally unsound theories.

  The true reason--the real beginning--the cause and foundation of thewhole thing, is to be found in the words of the old song, so familiarto nursery people:

  "Hey diddle, diddle; the cat and the fiddle; The cow jumped over the moon: The little dog laughed to see such sport, And the dish ran away with the spoon."

  The author of this ballad is unknown, but it has always been vastlypopular with the race of cats, who see in it at once a tribute to themusical genius of their people, as being identified with the violin(vulgarly herein called fiddle) and a recognition of their supremacyand superiority over other animals, inasmuch as "the cat" is mentionedfirst, before either cow or dog, fiddle or moon, and is evidentlypointed out as the chief personage celebrated by the rhyme.

  On the other hand, dogs have never liked the verse. They directly andpositively object to the precedence given to the cat; they disputealtogether the statement about the cow and the moon, as beingimprobable, if not palpably false; and they further say that, if thelaughter of the little dog is intended to refer to this occurrence, itis a reflection upon the gravity and decorum of the dog race, whilst,if it is to be referred to the last line of the verse, it displaystheir representative as treating with unworthy levity that which, asfar as the dish is concerned, was either an unlawful elopement or apitiful theft.

  At one time, when there was still a hope that the enmity of the tworaces might be appeased, and a better state of things brought about, ajoint committee of dogs and cats sat upon the question, in order tosubmit a report to the great council of animals, which might form thebasis of an amicable settlement. A lengthy and acrimonious discussionensued. The cats claimed precedence, and advanced many arguments toprove their superiority over their opponents. They boldly purred outtheir declaration to the effect that nature, custom, and all theevidence at command was clearly in their favour. They cited theopinions of mankind, as given in many books, speeches, wise proverbs,and witty sayings. They called to mind how that, in the case of heavyrain, men always remarked that "it rained cats and dogs;" placing, asthey averred, the superior animal of the two first, when it wasnecessary to mention both, and the inferior one last. Moreover, manyother things in the history of mankind denoted the prevalence andundoubted predominance of the same opinion. One of their favouritenames for their daughters was Kate--spelt commonly with a C when givenin full, Catherine--and evidently a name adopted from that of cat, andaffording another implied recognition of the general superiority of thefeline race.

  Then, said they, look at the way in which dogs are habitually spoken ofwith contempt, and their name used as a reproach. If one man callanother a "dog," it is held to be an insult. Tell anyone that such andsuch a person has a "hang-dog" look about him, and it is known youintend to convey the idea of his being a rascal only fit to be strungup at once. If a man is tiresome in argument, his companions term him"dogmatic;" if he is of an obstinate temper and sullen disposition, heis frequently called dog-ged; whilst on crossing the channel a personwho suffers from the malady of the sea is said to be "as sick as adog;" and when mankind desire to express the failure in life, the ruin,the abject and miserable condition of one of their own race, there isno more common or proverbial expression than that he has "gone to thedogs."

  All these, and many other instances, they quoted, as bearing upon thegreat question of the superiority of cats to dogs, and in fact,establishing the same beyond any reasonable doubt.

  The dogs, having listened to these observations and arguments with anattention which was only equalled by their indignation, advanced theircounter-arguments with great force, and evinced much learning anderudition. They took a preliminary objection to the evidence foundedupon the manners and habits of human beings; avowing that even if theyadmitted every instance which had been adduced, they might appeal tothe general practice of man, and the greater trust and reliance whichhe habitually placed in the dog, as utterly negativing the suppositionthat he had ever intended to imply the superiority of the feline tribeby any casual proverb or familiar saying. When was a cat employed totend sheep? What keeper would trust a cat to do the office of aretriever, and to watch the young birds? To what cat was ever committedthe custody of a house, or when was a kennel provided for a cat, toserve the purpose for which only a mastiff, or some similar specimen ofthe noble breed of dogs, was fit? All this forbad the supposition thatmen preferred cats before dogs, or esteemed them at all equally, eitheras useful or ornamental animals. But if they considered the argumentsbrought forward by the cats, one by one, with logical acuteness, theywould not find a single argument which was not susceptible of anentirely different construction from that put upon it by the catorators.

  For instance, the expression that "it rained cats and dogs" clearlysignified (if taken for more than a colloquial expression to convey themeaning that it rained hard) that the heavens from which the rain camedesired to get rid of the inferior animals first, and that it was onlywhen the cats had been got rid of that a possible superfluity of dogswas taken into consideration. The name Kate (which, by the way, was theabbreviation of Katharine, and had really nothing to do with the nameCatherine) was not derived from anything to do with cats or kittenseither; and it was much the same as if the dogs on their part were toclaim affinity with the ancient Doges of Venice, or to pretend tounwonted holiness because most of the good books of the early churchwere written or translated by the monks into Dog Latin.

  Again, as to one man insulting another by calling him a dog, that wasnot exactly the case. Dogs did not speak with human tongues, andtherefore, when a man was called a "dumb dog," it was only implied thathe was as dumb as a dog as far as the human tongue was concerned; dogs,moreover, did not pretend to universal goodness--there were good dogsand bad dogs, mad dogs and sad dogs. When men wished to bestow praiseupon one of themselves, they constantly called him a "jolly dog;" andif they sometimes called one of their own kind a "cur," they alluded toan inferior species of dog, and in fact acknowledged the superiority ofthe canine race by the very fact that they selected it as the race withwhich alone they could fairly compare one of themselves.

  The "hang-dog" argument also told directly against, instead of for, thecats. What did it mean? Why, that any man who was a villain and arascal looked as if he would actually be ready to hang a dog; and sucha crime would, in fact, constitute him both rascal and villain at once.What better proof could be afforded of the high estimation in whichdogs were held by men?

  The dogs further said that the cats had attributed a bad meaning tothe word "dog-m
atic," but that it was also susceptible of a goodinterpretation, being derived from a Greek word, dogma, a settledopinion, and signifying one who, knowing the truth, and havingconfidence in the opinion at which he had duly arrived, had the courageof his convictions and stuck to them gallantly, which was certainly noreproach either to dog or man. The word "dogged" also might of coursebe taken to mean "sullen" or "sulky," but its primary signification wasrather "pertinacious;" and it really meant that steadiness with whichan honest dog pursued his course through life, yielding neither tobribes nor temptations, from whatever quarter they might chance tocome.

  With regard to the expression, "sick as a dog," they stated that it wasscarcely more commonly used among men than the equivalent expression,"sick as a cat;" and they forbore, out of delicacy, to advancearguments upon so disagreeable a point. It bore but little upon thequestion, and they might as well say that men hated cats, because theywere subjected to catalepsy; or that they evinced their dislike to thefeline portion of creation by calling a misfortune a "cat-astrophe," abad cough a "cat-arrh," and a disease in the eye, a "cataract." Thelast allusion of the cats, namely, that to a man spoken of as having"gone to the dogs," was the subject of a long and able argument on thepart of the latter; who principally contended that the real meaning ofthe phrase, duly considered and wisely interpreted, was quite differentfrom that which their adversaries supposed; inasmuch as no man, beingruined and miserable, would go to persons or beings who were held incontempt or were in disgrace. What was really meant was, that, when aman had really failed in everything, and, being penniless and wretched,found neither support, sympathy, nor consolation from those of his ownspecies, he went where kindness, good faith, honesty, and charity wereever to be found, and sought among the true-hearted and friendly raceof dogs that kindly welcome and reception which had been denied to himby his own people. It was a tribute, indeed, paid to dog-nature bymankind; and nothing of the sort had ever been said with regard tocats, who were well-known to be much more likely to scratch, than tocomfort, the unfortunate.

  The arguments so forcibly advanced by the dogs made very littleimpression on the cats who were upon the joint committee. There was agood deal of purring, setting up of backs, miawing, and I fear a littlespitting; but they listened with tolerable attention, and then repliedin the same style as before.

  They mentioned a bad, useless fish--which was called the dog-fish, onaccount, they said, of its bad qualities; the dog-days--so calledbecause hotter and more unbearable than any other days in the summer:they drew attention to the fact that loose, bad rhyme was said to be"doggerel," and that an inferior kind of flower was termed "dog-rose."

  The dogs rejoined, with spirit, that men called a depository for deadbodies a "cat-acomb," a disagreeable insect a "cat-apillar," and thatanyone who was made use of by another to obtain his own ends wascontemptuously designated a "cat's-paw."

  A debate carried on in this spirit could clearly lead to nosatisfactory result, and the end of the matter was that the committeeseparated without having been able to agree to any report. Theconsequence naturally was, that each race continued to regard the otherwith suspicion and aversion; and that the relations between the twobecame, and seemed likely to remain, exceedingly unpleasant.

  This version of the matter was given me by an animal whose veracity isabove suspicion, being none other than old Jenny, the donkey. She was amost learned antiquarian, and had lived to a very advanced age beforeshe had finally settled her opinion upon the merits of the question.But, being an ass of well-balanced mind, and entirely impartial betweenthe two races, I believe that she fairly stated the arguments on bothsides, and that her accuracy may be thoroughly relied on.

  She went on to relate to me chronicles of the past, which I found mostinteresting; and it is with a view to the better understanding, bythose who care to read them, of those chronicles, that I have venturedto give the above preliminary facts upon the authority of thisvenerable quadruped.

  There was a time, she said, when dogs and cats were certainly uponbetter terms than at the present day. It was a happier time for both,she had no doubt; but still, being but a donkey, and very humble, shedid not wish to put forward her opinion as by any means conclusive uponthat or any other point. She could not recollect the time when the tworaces were positively upon friendly terms, but she believed such a timeto have existed, and that within the memory of ravens, if not of asses.

  There was a curious legend which had been told her by a tinker'sdonkey, who had been a great traveller, and knew more than most of hiskind, though there was, as a rule, much more knowledge among donkeysthan men supposed. This particular donkey, however, had seen andlearned in his travels a great deal more than many men; who, when theytravel abroad, only seem to try how far they can go, and when theyarrive at a city, live with their own fellow-countrymen as much as theycan, import their own method of life into foreign countries, instead ofliving as the people of the country do; and come home again with a verysmall addition to the knowledge with which they started.

  The tinker's donkey, being of a very different cast of character, andmuch given to careful and attentive observation of all he saw in thevarious places he visited, always brought home a vast deal of usefulinformation, with which he never refused to enliven his brother assesas they enjoyed a friendly bray over their thistles. And it was duringone of these long journeys of his that he picked up the legend which hetold old Jenny, and which she generously imparted to me.

  At a remote period of history--no matter exactly when and no matterexactly where--perfect love and harmony existed between the two greatraces of dog and cat. There was neither jealousy nor rivalry betweenthem; and, indeed, why should there have been such at any period oftime?

  Dogs have ever preferred bones, or portions of the carcasses ofslaughtered animals, to any other food; whilst, to cats, the flesh ofthe mouse, disdained as a rule by the canine species, and the tenderbreast of the newly-fledged bird, form more attractive feasts.

  True it is, that both races are fond of milk, but there is nothing inthat single similarity of taste to excite ill-feeling and bitterness;and no dog ever clashed with the love of the cat for fish, nor havecats the same partiality for biscuits which some of the other race havefrequently displayed.

  Then, again, their pursuits in life are of a somewhat differentcharacter, those of the dog being more varied than those of the felinespecies. The sheep-dog guards with vigilance the flock entrusted to hiscare; the foxhound follows his prey with keen scent and unfailingardour; the greyhound stretches his lanky form in eager pursuit of theunfortunate hare; the mastiff, seated in front of his kennel in thebackyard, warns the inmates of the house of the approach of beggars orpersons of doubtful character: the pug-dog, the terrier, thepomeranian, all have their separate employments and varied uses, innone of which does a cat seek to share, and with none of which does sheever wish to interfere.

  The cat, on the other hand, has amusements and occupations to a greatextent peculiar to herself. She loves to bask in the sun, upon thewindow-sill if such be available, on fine days, and in wet or coldweather to nestle snugly upon the hearthrug. When she goes out, it isnot to run here and there and everywhere, after the fearless andsometimes intrusive manner of the dog. She prefers to steal quietly andleisurely along, placing her velvety feet softly upon the ground, andpeering round on each side of her, to see that the country is secure.Crawling along the top of a wall, or creeping up the stem of a tree,she strives to capture the unwary bird, who may afford her sport andamusement first, and a meal afterwards. Or, seated demurely in somecorner of a room or near some tree, where mice frequent, she does notobject to watch patiently, whilst minutes and hours pass away, in thehope of at last finding an opportunity to pounce upon her favouritevictim. With all this no dog has any reason to interfere, and none hasever attempted to rival the cat in the pursuit of bird or mouse.

  Again: dogs are more apt to attach themselves to the persons of men orwomen, cats more readily become attached to the places in wh
ich theyhave lived; so that, once for all, if we consider the nature, thecharacter, and the habits of these two great races, we shall, I amconfident, come to the conclusion that there can be no real cause fortheir natural enmity, but that, in the great scheme of creation, theywere intended to be upon as friendly and harmonious terms as wascertainly the case at the time of which we now speak.

  Such were the reflections of Jenny, and I am inclined to endorse themall, and to think that I see the confirmation of their truth in thelegend which I am about to tell as she told to me.

  It chanced that at this time a worthy couple possessed an animal ofeach sort, of which they were extremely fond. The dog was a handsome,black, curly fellow; of what particular breed I don't know, but thisdescription of him sounds as if he was a Romney-Marsh retriever, orsomething of the sort. The cat was a tortoise-shell, and one of themost perfect specimens of her kind; with glossy fur, elegantly-shapedbody, and tail like a fox's brush, which swept the ground as shewalked.

  Jenny did not know the names of the worthy couple who owned theseanimals; and in fact I have noticed that, in most of the stories whichanimals have told me from time to time, men and women are made to playa very subordinate part, and are indeed for the most part considered asaltogether inferior beings by the excellent animals of and by whom thestories are told. Thus, in the present instance, although the good assknew perfectly well that the dog's name was Rover, and the cat's Effie,she knew no more than an ignorant calf might have done of the names ofthe people with whom they lived. Nay, if I remember rightly, herexpression was that, "Some people lived in and kept the house in whichRover and Effie dwelt;" so that very likely the donkey, and perhaps theanimals themselves, considered that the premises belonged tothemselves, and that the man and woman were merely lodgers onsufferance.

  And very likely, as a matter of fact, this is the actual viewentertained by many of our animals--horses, dogs, cats, possibly evenpigs and chickens--at the present day, if we did but know it. Perhapsit is as well we do not, as we might consider our supremacy challengedand our rights invaded, and this might make us less kind to the pooranimals, which would be very sad.

  I should not wonder, however, if it was the truth; for I am sure ourservants--or some of them--have firmly-rooted convictions that ourhouses and everything in them, are at least as much, if not more,theirs than ours, and some of us give in to them very much as if wethought so too. So I do not see why the four-legged creatures, as wellas the two-legged, should not think the same thing,--and perhaps theydo.

  Rover and Effie, as I have said, lived in this house, which, to put thematter in a way not likely to be offensive to anybody, was alsoinhabited by an old couple--I mean a man and his wife; because, ofcourse, "a couple" might, standing alone, mean a couple of ducks, or acouple of fowls, or rabbits, or anything else of the kind. But it was aman and his wife, and they had no children, and they were very fond ofthe dog and cat, and petted them both exceedingly. They passed veryhappy lives, having very little to trouble themselves about, and beingpossessed of a comfortable home, and plenty of agreeable neighbours.

  Rover and Effie used to walk out together, and were for some time, asmost of their respective races were, the very best of friends. Neitherof them would have suffered a strange dog or cat to breathe a syllableagainst the other; and in their tastes, thoughts, and actions, theywere as much allied as was possible under the circumstances.

  Things continued in this happy condition until an old weasel, who livedin the immediate neighbourhood, cast his envious and malicious eye uponthe two friends and determined it possible to interrupt their amicablerelations. He had his own reasons for so doing.

  The family of weasels, though of ancient lineage and old blood, hadnever been considered as particularly respectable. In fact they hadalways been a set of arrant scamps. The rats and rabbits complainedbitterly of their intrusive habits, and extremely disliked theirabominable practice of entering the holes used by other animals, andcarrying blood and murder into homes that were otherwise peaceful andcontented. The hens also raised their homely cackle in the same strain,and counting egg-sucking as among the worst of crimes, brought heavycharges against the weasels on that account. In fact, no one had a goodword for the little animals, except indeed their cousins the stoats,and some of the unclean sorts of birds, to wit, the jay, the magpie andthe carrion crow, who themselves lived chiefly by thieving.

  The weasel had a great jealousy of the cat, because she interfered withhim in the matter of rats, mice, and small birds, to all of which hewas partial; and he also saw in the dog a rival as regarded rabbits.

  Whilst the two remained in such close alliance, he thought that theywere able to wield a power which, although not actively exerted againsthimself, was little likely to be ever used in his favour; and hetherefore resolved to lessen that power if he possibly could, by sowingthe seeds of discord between the hitherto friendly animals. But cleveras he was, the weasel racked his brains in vain for a long time. Hecould think of nothing which would effect his object, and could satisfyhimself with no plan by which he might approach the two animals withthat intent.

  It would not, indeed, have been hard for him to have entered the houseby the means open to him, namely, a drain or a rat's hole, of whichthere were several. But, should he do so, he ran the greatest risk ofhaving his intentions mistaken, and of suddenly falling a victim to oneof the very two animals with whom (though not from any kindly feeling)he wished to communicate. The same fear prevented his accosting themduring their walks, for he could not tell but that they might turn uponhim and seize him before he could escape. Direct communication, then,appeared to be out of the question; and he accordingly resolved to seeka confederate, through whom he might perchance accomplish his wickedends.

  So he went to a neighbouring magpie, knowing the love of meddling whichcharacterises that class of birds, and sought her aid in his scheme.The magpie was a very wary and cunning bird, and would not trustherself within paws' length of the weasel, for although she knew that,happily for herself, she was not a morsel which even a weasel could eatwith relish, yet she was also well aware of the bloodthirsty nature ofthe animal, and thought it better not to expose him to the temptationof getting her neck into his mouth. So she sat up in the old hawthorntree, and chattered away to herself, whilst the little animal cameunderneath and tried to attract her attention.

  When at last she condescended to see him, she would not enter uponbusiness for some time, but, like many persons who, not being blamelessthemselves, are very ready to blame other people, chattered away to himfor a good five minutes upon the subject of his general bad behaviour,and read him a lesson upon morality, coupled with a homily upon the sinof thieving, which would have come admirably from the beak of arespectable rook, but was very ill-placed in that of a notorious badliver and evil-doer like the magpie.

  The weasel, however, keeping his object steadily in view, heard herremarks with great apparent politeness, although as a matter of facther advice (like that which many better people give, both in and out ofseason) went in at one of his ears and out at the other, and producednot the smallest effect upon his future conduct. When her chatter cameat last to an end, he unfolded the nature of his business and asked hercounsel and assistance in the matter.

  Now the magpie was by no means friendly to the dog and cat, having anidea that they were better off in their worldly affairs than she was,which is always a sufficient cause for evil-minded people to dislikeothers. So she had no objection at all to enter upon a scheme whichmight annoy and injure them, and indeed her natural love of mischiefwould have prompted her to do so, had she had no other feeling in thematter. Having always, however, an eye to the main chance, she askedthe weasel what she should gain by the transaction, and having beenfaithfully promised the eye-picking out of the first twelve youngrabbits he should catch, she at once consented to go into the business.

  The idea of the two confederates was to create in the first place acoldness between the dog and cat, by means of inducing the c
ouplealready mentioned, to show greater favour to one than the other.

  Here, however, arose another difficulty. How could either weasel ormagpie obtain access to a man and woman, or in any shape exercise aninfluence over their conduct and actions? The idea was so preposterousthat they had to give it up.

  Then came the question whether they could not persuade either the cator dog to do something which would offend and annoy the other, eitherby being opposed to his or her feelings and prejudices, or beingactually unpleasant and disagreeable. If they could only settle onsomething of this kind, it did not appear so impossible to carry outthe plan. The weasel need not be seen in the matter, and would incur nosuch personal danger as that to which he might have been exposed by anyscheme which entailed his actual communication with the enemy. Thething must be done by the magpie, who, seated upon the roof of thehouse, or in an adjacent tree, could converse with either cat or dogwithout the smallest risk, and was sly and crafty enough to poison theminds of both.

  So it was agreed that this should be the course taken, and what was tobe the precise form of the magpie's address will be speedily gatheredfrom the story.

  The two innocent animals who were the object of this nefarious plotupon the part of creatures so vastly inferior to themselves, were allthe while quite unconscious of the conspiracy which was being hatchedagainst them. They went on just the same, and were as friendly as ever.Nor was their harmony disturbed by the introduction into the householdof a small poodle, whom somebody gave to the mistress of the house, andwho rather amused them than otherwise by his curious antics andgrotesque behaviour. He was a curious dog, and had some funny tricks,but old Jenny said that she never heard that there was much againsthim, or that he had any concern in the wicked plot of the weasel andthe magpie.

  Having fully determined upon the plan to be pursued, the crafty pair ofrascals waited until they could hit upon a time when the cat and dogwere not together. The opportunity soon occurred. One fine morning thehuman occupier of the house (who laboured under the strange but, amonghuman beings, not uncommon delusion that the place and all that itcontained belonged to him) went out for a walk in the country,accompanied, as was frequently the case, by honest Rover.

  The sun was shining so brightly that Mrs. Effie thought that she hadbetter make the most of it, and get some fresh air at the same time,with no more exertion than was necessary. So she climbed quietly up onthe window-sill, stretched herself at full length thereupon, and baskedluxuriously in the warm rays of the sun.

  Seeing her thus enjoying herself, the magpie flew leisurely into anapple tree which grew near the house, and began to chatter in a waywhich was certain to attract the cat's attention before long. After alittle while Effie began to wink and blink her eyes, move her earsagainst the woodwork on which she lay, and appear as if disturbed bythe noise. Presently she lifted up her head, shook it, and sneezedviolently.

  "Bless you, Pussy," immediately said the magpie from the apple tree.

  Effie looked at her in some surprise.

  "Many thanks," she said; "the more so, indeed, since I do not happen tohave the pleasure of your acquaintance."

  "More's the pity," replied the bird; "but that is no reason why Ishould refrain from giving a civil blessing to a person who happens tosneeze, for you know well enough that if you sneeze three times withoutsomeone blessing you, evil is sure to follow within the week."

  "Indeed," answered the cat, somewhat coldly, for she hardly approved ofbeing addressed by a mere bird, and that, too, a perfect stranger, insuch a familiar manner. "Indeed, I am sure you are very kind."

  And she laid her head calmly down again upon the windowsill. But themagpie was not to be daunted, and determined not to lose theopportunity which she had so carefully sought.

  "Although you don't know me," continued she, "which is not surprising,considering that you move in high circles, whilst I am only, as one maysay, a humble drudge among the inferior parts of creation, it does notfollow, madam, that I am not well acquainted with _you_, and have longwished to obtain your friendship. The beauty of your fur, the elegantshape of your body, the graceful action with which you move, and, aboveall, the sweetness of your voice (which I have sometimes been fortunateenough to hear at nights), have all made an impression upon me whichwill not easily be removed. I only wish I might know you better."

  As the bird spoke, she hopped from twig to twig of the apple-tree,until she came within easy speaking distance of Effie, and lowered hervoice so as to make it less harsh, and more impressive in conversation.Now cats, as is well known to the attentive student of natural history,are by no means averse to flattery. It has sometimes been said that thesame is true of women, but this is by no means fair as a generaldescription of the latter, many of them cordially disliking it, andtaking it as anything but a compliment when men bespangle them withempty flattery, instead of carrying on sensible conversation, andtreating them like reasonable beings. But it is undoubtedly true ofcats. Three things they can never resist: cream, scratching theirheads, and flattery; and as the magpie had no cream, and forbore toattempt scratching the cat's head for reasons of her own, she fellback, as we have seen, upon flattery.

  Effie listened, it must be confessed, with pleasure, and drank in thewords of the magpie as greedily as if they had been inspired by theundoubted spirit of truth. As a matter of fact, her elegance of body,beauty of fur, and gracefulness of action might all have been fairlyconceded to be matters of opinion, in which many would have agreed withthe magpie. But as to the beauty of her voice, anybody who has everlain awake at night and listened to a concert of cats upon the adjacentroofs will be inclined to stop his ears at the bare recollection of it,and to confess that the magpie must have well known that she wastelling a--well, a tarradiddle.

  Strange to say, however, the allusion to her voice touched and pleasedEffie more than anything else in the magpie's speech, and this thecunning bird had fully expected. She knew cat nature well, whichdiffers but little from human nature in this respect, that people veryoften fancy themselves to possess some talent or virtue, in which theyare, as a matter of fact, deficient, and not unfrequently, whilstpriding themselves upon the fancied possession, neglect to cultivateand develop some other quality which they really have, and which mightbe made much more useful to themselves and others.

  So Effie was proud of her voice--where there was nothing to be proudof--and extremely pleased to hear it praised by the magpie, whom sheinstantly set down in her mind as an evidently respectable andwell-informed bird, and one whose acquaintance it might be well tomake. Without lifting her head, however, or disturbing the position ofher body, which was so placed as to get as much sun as possible, shereplied in a languid tone of voice:

  "You are really very kind, Madam Magpie, and I am far from wishing todecline the acquaintance you offer."

  The magpie broke in at once in a quick chatter, her words tumbling oneover another as if they could not get fast enough out of her beak.

  "Oh, how good, and kind, and nice, and polite, and generous, andaffable, and altogether charming you are! I have often watched yousunning on the window-sill or strolling about the gardens, or lookingout for mice, or amusing yourself in one way or another, and I havealways looked, and longed, and hoped, and wished, and wondered if Imight make so bold as to speak to such a grand, lady-like, beautiful,queenly creature; and when I've heard your voice, I've often said tomyself, 'Here's music, and melody, and taste, and feeling, and harmony,and everything that is delightful in sound, and if the lady would onlylearn singing (though little learning it is she wants), and take it upas a profession, how happy the world and everybody in it would be made:and what so pleasant as to make people happy with the good gifts wehave, and who has more than she?'"

  As the magpie rattled on, Effie felt more and more pleased, and becamestill more strongly convinced than before that the bird was a superiorcreature, who had well used her opportunities, and possessed opinionswhich were entitled to great weight.

  Meantime the weas
el, who was listening to the conversation from an oldrat's hole in which he had hidden hard by, was fit to kill himself withlaughter when he heard the flattery of his ally, and how the cat tookit all in.

  The latter now raised not only her head but her body, and sat up uponthe window-ledge, looking with friendly glance at the old bird in thetree.

  "Really," she said, in rather an affected tone, "really, you think toowell of me--you do indeed--but now you speak of it, I _have_ (so myfriends say at least) something of a voice, and have often thought ofcultivating it more than I have hitherto done. But all are not of thesame opinion, and I know that my friend Rover the dog thinksdifferently."

  Here the magpie quickly interposed.

  "Oh the jealousy of this wicked world and of them dogs in particular!To hear that black, ugly, shaggy animal howl at the moon, or what not,of a night. I declare if it isn't enough to drive one crazy; and forsuch an animal as _that_ to think anything but good of your lovely,sweet, tuneful, angelic notes! 'Tis really shocking to think he shoulddo so--but envy and meanness, my dear creature, and malice and jealousywas ever in the hearts of dogs--forgive me that I should say so,knowing as how you live in the same house and bear with him as you do."

  These words rather gave Effie a new idea of her situation, but as theywere evidently intended to be complimentary to herself, though at herfriend's expense, she listened to them with complacency.

  "You must not blame my friend," she demurely answered, "because he hasnot such a voice as mine. Few have such, as I think I may say withoutbeing suspected of vanity, and I have no reason to think that he iseither mean or envious. True, he does not evince the same pleasure inmy notes as that which you so kindly express, but this is merely amatter of taste."

  "Ah, you dear, kind, good, charitable creature," rejoined the magpie,"it is so like you to take the best and most pleasant view of whateveranybody else says or does. But never mind, if the dog don't like it,others do, and for _my_ part, I should like to hear you play and singall day and all night long."

  "As for playing," returned the cat, "I do not pretend to do _that_; infact I have never learned, and have always been accustomed to trust tomy natural voice without any accompaniment."

  "Never learned to play?" cried the magpie in a voice of astonishment."Dear me, dear me, what a pity! I have so often heard good singers likeyou speak of the pleasure of being able to accompany oneself, and I amsure you _could_ play if you liked. Now I have a neighbour who playsthe violin in the most delightful manner, and what is more, he giveslessons upon that charming instrument. A very few lessons from him, andI am sure you would play so well that the whole neighbourhood wouldflock to hear you!"

  "Really," said Effie, "this sounds very tempting. I have always feltthat one ought to cultivate one's talents, and make the most of thegifts which Nature has given us. Your words are well worthconsideration," and she mused for a few moments, purring all the whilein a contented and self-satisfied tone.

  The magpie, who had now brought the conversation to the very point shedesired, according to the plan agreed upon with the weasel, began topress the matter home to the cat, telling her that she was wrongingherself as well as all the other animals in not making her talents ofmore avail to them, and taking advantage of the opportunity which nowoffered.

  The musical neighbour of whom she had spoken, turned out to be "HonestJohn," the hare, and although his services were in great requisition,the magpie said, she was sure that she should be able to secure themfor so distinguished a person as the cat, provided that she wouldconsent to take lessons.

  After a little more talk, Mrs. Effie decided to allow the magpie tosound the hare upon the subject, and appointed another meeting upon thefollowing day in order to discuss the matter further. Then the magpie,having done a good morning's work, and successfully laid the train bywhich she hoped to carry out her plot with the weasel, flew chucklingoff, whilst the weasel stole silently away, and occupied himself on hisown affairs.

  Meanwhile the cat was much gratified by all that had passed. She feltthat she was appreciated; and that those who lived around evidentlyrecognized her as a person to be considered and made much of. Sheresolved that she would tell the dog nothing whatever of her interviewwith the magpie, partly because she thought he would laugh at thereadiness with which she had listened to the bird's flattery, andpartly because she was quite sure that he would entirely disapprove ofher proposed lessons upon the violin. Thus, then, were the first seedssown of that unhappy quarrel which was destined to divide the two onceunited races.

  Rover returned from his walk in a cheerful and pleasant mood, andbehaved in the most friendly spirit towards his old friend. He couldnot help observing, however, that she hardly treated him after the samefashion. She seemed to hold her head higher than usual, and stood moreupon her dignity than had formerly been the case. Being a good-natureddog, he took no notice of this, and, in fact, attributed her conduct tosome accidental derangement of the nerves or the digestion. But whenthe same thing continued during the whole of the next day, he began tofeel rather annoyed. Still he said nothing, and went for his walk asusual. As soon as his back was fairly turned, the magpie again made herappearance, and commenced another conversation with the cat. She hadnot been able to see Honest John, she said, but had made an appointmentfor the following day, and would call again on the morning after. Thenshe went on in her former strain, praising the cat's beauty andsweetness of voice to the skies, and throwing in all the nastyinsinuations she could think of against poor Rover. Jenny always usedto get angry when she came to this part of the story, vowing that nofaithful person, and, in fact, no real lady, would have allowed anyoneto say such things of an absent friend, but would have stopped themischievous gossip at once.

  Effie, however, did no such thing; and after all, we must own that sheonly acted in the same manner as a great many men and women, foreverybody likes to hear himself praised, and when a person wants toabuse or run down another, if he manages to do so in the sameconversation in which he flatters his listener, he has an excellentchance of escaping without rebuke from the latter. Besides, whateverJenny's opinion may have been, we know very well that, after all, shewas but an ass.

  So the second visit passed off as successfully as the magpie could havewished, and then there was a third, and at each interview she scatteredher poisoned seed so cleverly, that day by day the difference betweenthe two old friends grew imperceptibly wider. I think it was not untilthe magpie had paid her fourth visit that the arrangement about theviolin lessons was finally made.

  "Honest John" had reasons for declining to visit the house in whichMrs. Effie lived, but, on being bribed by promises of lettuce andparsley from the garden, freely given by the cat, and conveyed to himby the magpie, the hare consented to give evening lessons three times aweek to Effie, provided that she would consent to come down and receivethem by the stream which crossed the meadow close to the wood in whichHonest John generally resided. In that meadow lived a most respectablecow, reputed to be a great lover of music, and John suggested thatafter a short time it might be possible for the two to take lessonstogether, and that a duet between them would be most melodious.

  Still this arrangement was kept completely secret from the dog, and theresults that followed almost entirely arose from this silence onEffie's part, which was really as foolish as it was unnecessary. Hadshe opened her heart to her old friend, all might yet have been well,but she had promised the magpie to conceal the matter, and so she did.

  She was obliged to practise deceit in order to go forth to her lessonswithout the knowledge of the dog. She therefore pretended to him thatshe had a great fancy for cockchafers, which always came buzzing aboutin the early summer evenings, which was the best time to catch them. Soshe made this the excuse for stealing out of the house somewhat late,and Rover, finding that she evidently did not want his company, andbeing too proud to force himself upon anybody, stayed quietly at home.

  So the lessons began, and it must have been a curious sight t
o see thehare and the cat sitting side by side between the wood and the stream,the former instructing the latter how to hold the violin and to wringfrom it those sounds with which, according to the magpie, she wouldsoon delight the world.

  The worthy Rover, albeit quite unsuspicious of what was going on, sawno improvement in the manners and behaviour of his old friend. She wasnot only cold to him, but not unfrequently behaved with positivediscourtesy, making faces when he wished to engage in a friendly gameof play with her, frequently setting up her back at him, andoccasionally going to the length of spitting. In fact, whatever harmonyshe might be learning from the hare, the harmony of the household wascertainly not increased, and a most uncomfortable state of thingsprevailed. The good dog became positively unhappy when he found thatsuch an estrangement had grown up between his old friend and himself,and often wondered whether he had given her any just cause of offence,and whether any action on his part would be able to set matters rightagain.

  So matters went on for some time, and the magpie and weasel chuckledvastly over the success of their wicked plot. The cat, meanwhile, madesome progress with her lessons, and received the compliments of honestJohn upon her performance, which in reality was execrable. She had notthe slightest idea of time or tune, and could hardly produce a soundfrom the violin, whilst her voice was so disagreeable that the cow, farfrom consenting to join her in a duet, invariably left that part of themeadow as soon as she began, and went away to moo by herself as far offas possible. Still the cat persevered, the foolish hare expressedhimself satisfied, and the magpie lost no opportunity of encouragingEffie in her praiseworthy exertions.

  She irritated Rover exceedingly about this time by caterwaulingfrequently at night, which made the honest fellow quite fidgety, and nodoubt contributed in some degree to the final catastrophe which was nowdrawing near.

  The magpie, who, as it may be seen, cared neither for dog, cat, hare,nor for anything nor anybody except her own interest and amusement, sawplainly enough that the cat could not be deceived for ever by herflattery, and that some day or other she would discover the truth,namely that she was making no progress at all with her music, and wasin fact no further advanced than when she first began. Having no regardwhatever for the hare, upon whose large eyes she sometimes cast acovetous glance as if longing to peck them out, the wicked old birdthought that her best plan to turn the cat's possible anger fromherself, would be to persuade her that her progress towards musicalperfection was only delayed by the negligence or stupidity of "HonestJohn."

  She began by suggesting to Effie that although her voice was as fine asever, and her notes as clear and true, she did not seem to be able toaccompany herself as yet upon the violin. Considering her great naturaltalent this was certainly rather strange. Was she _quite_ satisfiedwith her master? Hares were jealous animals. Was this one free from thedisease? Would it not be well to ask him why she could not yetaccompany herself as she wished to do?

  By means of such words as these, the cunning magpie succeeded ingradually instilling into the mind of Effie discontent and suspicion ofthe hare, towards whom she had up to that time entertained nothing butfeelings of gratitude and friendship. At her very next lesson shecomplained of not getting on fast enough, and questioned Honest Johnsharply upon the subject. The hare made the best excuses that he could,took most of the blame upon himself, denied that there was any suchwant of progress as was supposed, and promised that the very nextevening he would persuade the cow to be present, and join in theirmusical performance. That night Effie nearly drove Rover mad with herattempts at a private rehearsal.

  The dog passed a sleepless night, baying angrily but uselessly at themoon, and wondering how on earth any living creature, cat, dog, or man,could find pleasure in squalling all night instead of going comfortablyto bed, and seeking their natural rest. When next morning came, he hadnearly had enough of it, and felt cross all day towards the cat, whohad really become such a disagreeable inmate of the house as to havealmost altogether destroyed its comfort as a home. The day wore on, andas evening approached, the cat made her usual preparations to leave thehouse for the purpose of taking her lesson.

  In order fully to understand how it was that the events came to passwhich I am about to relate, I must here remark that the little poodle,whose name was Frisky, had observed the constant absence of Effie atthis particular time, and had once or twice spoken about it to Rover.

  On this evening, when the same thing happened again, he remarked to theold dog that it was curious that the cat should so often go out of anevening, and suggested that they should stroll out together and see ifthey could find out where she had gone to, and how she managed to catchthe cockchafers.

  To this Rover consented, partly out of good nature towards the littlepoodle, and partly because, being rather out of sorts, and irritated byall he had lately had to go through, he thought a moonlight strollmight cool his heated blood and do him good. So, about an hour afterthe departure of the cat, when the moon was up and shining brightly,the two dogs sauntered forth for their walk.

  Meanwhile Effie had gone down to her accustomed trysting place with thehare, and there she found Honest John, and saw that, true to his word,he had induced the cow to cross the stream and consent to join in theirperformance.

  THE CAT'S LAST MUSIC LESSON.--P. 212]

  They began well enough: the hare playing a solo upon the violin, onwhich he was really skilful; and the cow afterwards mooing melodiously;then the cat, after a gentle "miauw," which hurt nobody's ears, tookthe violin, and made a prodigious effort after success, raising hervoice at the same time in tones so discordant that the hareinvoluntarily clapped his paws to his ears to keep out the horriblesounds. This action suddenly and at once disclosed to the cat the realpoverty of her performance; and the manner in which she had beendeceived by those who had flattered her upon an excellence of voicewhich she had never possessed. Forgetful of the real culprit, who hadled her to the pass at which she had now arrived, she turned the fullcurrent of her rage against the master who had failed to supply herwith that voice and taste for music which nature had denied. Droppingthe violin in a paroxysm of rage, she clasped the unhappy hare suddenlyround the neck, as if in a loving embrace, perhaps meaning at firstonly to give him a good shaking for his misbehaviour. As she did so,she exclaimed--

  "Honest John, Honest John, do you laugh at your pupils, then, and stopyour ears against the sounds you yourself have taught them to make?"

  The hare could only reply by a faint squeak, for the cat held himtight, and pressed his body close to her own. As she did so, I supposenature asserted itself in her breast, and she could not resist thetemptation of fastening her teeth in the throat which was so invitinglynear her mouth. A fatal nip it was that she gave the poor hare. Thewarm blood followed immediately. The tiger's thirst was awakened in thecat at once, and, all the more excited by the struggles of the hare toescape, she threw her paws more closely around him, and bit so fiercelythat the poor wretch soon knew that he was lost indeed. Forgetful ofmusic, of the cow, of the violin, of everything but the mad passion ofthe moment, Effie clung tightly to the dying hare, purring to herselfwith a savage and horrible satisfaction as she did him slowly to death,and his large liquid eyes, turned to her at first with a piteous lookas if to ask for mercy, grew fixed and glassy and dull as he yielded uphis innocent life and lay dead beneath his cruel pupil.

  All this passed in a minute, and so indeed did that which followed. Thecow, too utterly astonished at what had happened to think ofinterfering, even if her peaceful disposition would not in any casehave prevented her doing so, stood aghast during the short struggle,rooted to the ground with horror and amazement. Then, when the horriddeed was done, she gave vent to a mighty, unearthly bellow, turnedround, rushed to the stream, in which the reflection of the gloriousmoon above was clearly shining at the moment, leaped straight over it,and ran wildly away to the other end of the meadow.

  Other actors appeared upon the scene at the same moment. Rover andFrisky had by ch
ance come that way in their stroll, and had seen themusical performers just at the very moment when the cat gave vent tothose discordant notes which had so offended the ears of theunfortunate hare.

  They had precisely the same effect upon worthy Rover, who no soonerheard them than he threw himself upon the ground, buried his head inhis paws, and tried to shut them out altogether. As he shut his eyes atthe time, he did not immediately see what followed. In fact he laystill, groaning audibly for a minute or two, until aroused by shouts oflaughter from his little companion.

  "Look, Mr. Rover," exclaimed little Frisky, still holding his sideswith merriment. "See what fun they are having! Effie and a hare arerolling about together so funnily. And see--oh, _do_ look. Here comesthe cow! Oh, what a jump!"

  And he went off into another fit of laughter as the cow came thunderingby them in her mad career.

  But when Rover raised his head and looked forward, he comprehended thescene at once, and knew that it was no laughing matter, at least forone of the actors. For an instant--but only for an instant--he paused,but in the next moment his resolution was taken. With a loud, indignantbark, he sprang forward, and rushed towards the spot where thetreacherous Effie still held her lifeless victim in her fatal embrace.

  "Murderess!" he shouted, as he sprang across the stream. "Vilemurderess, these then are your cockchafers, and this the meaning ofyour moonlight rambles! But you shall be punished for this abominablecrime, and that without delay!"

  Perhaps if good Rover had made a shorter speech, or rushed upon the catwithout making one at all until he had caught her, he would havesucceeded in his object, and avenged the poor hare.

  But Effie was no fool, and as soon as she heard the honest bark of herold companion, she knew by instinct that the game was up, and that thesooner she was off the better. Therefore, without a moment's delay, shetore herself from the still panting body of the luckless hare, anddarted into the wood scarce half-a-dozen yards in front of the pursuingRover. In fact I think he would actually have caught her, and possiblychanged the whole current of the future relations which werethenceforward to exist between their respective races, but for herskill in climbing, of which she took advantage by rushing up a largeleafy oak which stood near the outside of the wood, and from the loftybranches of which she presently sat licking her lips and looking downin safety upon her late friend, but now justly incensed enemy.

  With bitter words did the good dog upbraid her with her cold unkindnessand deceit towards himself, and with her still worse treachery andcruelty towards her more recent acquaintance, the hare. He warned heragainst approaching any more the house which had hitherto been theirjoint home, and declared that for his part he could no longer have anyfriendship for one so utterly base and wicked.

  The cat, having no real defence to make against honest Rover's attack,contented herself with setting up her back, and spitting violentlyuntil she had somewhat cooled down. Then, with consummate craft, shebegan to excuse herself, declaring that the dog was himself in fault,that his arrogance and overbearing manners had become perfectlyinsufferable, and that if she had done anything unworthy of her noblerace, it was not to a dog that she looked to be reproved for the same.

  The bitter language which passed between these two animals is believedby Jenny to have been the source and origin of the subsequentestrangement of the two races, and there seems no reason to doubt theaccuracy of her information. Certain it is that Effie never returnedhome; whether remorse for her disgraceful conduct had any share inproducing this result, or whether it was simply from the fear ofRover's threats, it is at this distance of time impossible to say.

  But from that day to this not only did this particular cat neverassociate with dogs upon friendly terms, but for any cat to do so,after she had left kittenhood and reached years of discretion, was andis quite exceptional conduct.

  Some of Effie's race frequent the woods and mountain fastnesses,avoiding altogether the abodes of men; others, indeed, consent to beconsidered as "domestic" animals, but they, for the most part, regard adog as an intruder if he enters the house-door, and keep him at arm'slength as much as possible.

  Rover returned home on that eventful night tired in body and sad atheart. To his honest and confiding nature it had been a cruel blow tofind that one whom he had of old trusted and loved had turned out to beboth treacherous and cruel. Singularly enough, in his return home, whomshould he encounter but the weasel, who, forgetful of his usualcaution, and desirous of annoying his enemy, let him know that he wasaware of the cat having deceived him, and too plainly showed hisexultation at the quarrel which had taken place, and his hope that itwould be permanent. Rover rushed upon the little beast before he couldescape, and made an end of him with a single shake.

  The result as regarded the magpie was more curious still. Being aninveterate thief, she no sooner saw that both the dogs, as well as thecat, were out of the house, than she flew in through the window, andseized a silver spoon which was lying upon an ordinary meat dish forthe usual purpose to which such articles are devoted, namely, thehelping of the gravy. Delighted with her booty, she flew to thewindow-sill, and having hid the spoon in the ivy which clustered roundit, had just hopped into the room again, when the door suddenly opened,and the window blew to with a bang in consequence of the suddendraught.

  As it was a self-fastening window, the bird was unable to get out, andsat there trembling whilst the man-servant belonging to the houseentered the room. Looking round, he presently perceived some gravyspilt on the clean table-cloth, and another glance satisfied him thatthe silver gravy spoon was missing.

  As he knew he should be held responsible for the loss, the plate beingall in his charge, the man was naturally much annoyed, and looked rightand left to see where on earth the spoon could have flown to. Soon heespied the magpie crouching in the corner of the window-seat, andtrying to hide herself.

  "There's the thief, I'll be bound!" he cried, and stepped towards her.

  The bird, quite beside herself with fear, fluttered on this side andthat, vainly endeavouring to escape through the window.

  "No you don't!" said the man. "You've been stealing, have you, MistressMag. Where's the silver gravy spoon?"

  "Oh!" shrieked the magpie; "I never stole it!--I never stole it!"

  "What has become of it?" said the man.

  "Oh, I don't know--indeed I don't know! The dish ran away with it!"shrieked the magpie, in great distress of mind, as the man reached outhis hand to seize her.

  "Tell that to the marines!" replied the man, which was an idle anduseless saying, for there were no marines there; and if there had been,it was highly improbable that the magpie would have told _them_.

  He seized the bird by the wing, and in the agitation and confusion ofthe moment, she resented the affront by giving him a sharp peck on thehand, a compliment which he returned by immediately wringing her neck.

  Thus (said Jenny invariably, when she reached this point in her story)you see that treachery and cunning, although they may be successful fora time, in the long run always bring those who practise them intotrouble. So the magpie and weasel, who, by their malicious tricksbrought disunion among friends, and introduced strife into a onceunited family, both lost their own lives within a very short time afterthe success of their wily arts had been accomplished.

  It was upon this old legend that the song was founded to which Ialluded at the beginning of the story. I confess that I am not quiteclear about the first words, "Hey diddle diddle!" Wise men and learnedwriters have given several interpretations of this interjaculation, orinvocation, or exclamation, or whatever you please to call it.

  Some think that the word "diddle" (not to be found in any Englishdictionary of repute) must be a proper name, and that either itbelonged to the man who, owning the house in which the dog and catlived, knew all the circumstances of the story, and being likely to beinterested in it, was naturally invoked by the author at the beginningof his song; or that it was, in fact, the name of the author himself,and that the w
ords mean that "I, Diddle, wish to call your attention tothe following extraordinary facts." Others, however, equally learned,hold that the word to "diddle" signifies, in slang or common language,to "do"--to "get the better of"--"to cheat," and that so the wordsintend to convey the moral of the whole story; namely, that those whotry to cheat others generally suffer for it in some way or other.Another interpretation is that it is only another form of the word"Idyll," and that this song about the cat and dog is meant as a speciesof "Idyll" or "Diddle," on one of the most important topics which hasever agitated the animal world. But, whatever be their origin, therethe words are, and they are the only words in the song which havecaused me the slightest doubt. They are the more curious if the storybe true that the song was composed by a very respectable jay, who wasfully acquainted with the facts as they occurred.

  _She_ could have known nothing about "Diddle," if he was a man; andvery likely only put the words in to suit the jingle of the rhyme.There can be no doubt that "the cat and the fiddle," are words in whichis intended a satirical allusion to Effie's lessons on the violin withthe unfortunate hare; and "the cow jumped over the moon," is anunmistakeable allusion to the cow's leap over the stream in which theimage of the moon was reflected at the moment.

  When I think of the palpable reference in the next words to the conductof the little poodle who had accompanied Rover, and remember theunhappy magpie's attempt to avoid her well-deserved fate by attemptingto impute her crime to the dish, I can have no difficulty whatever incoming to the conclusion that it is upon Jenny's legend that thisremarkable song has been founded.

  Judging, moreover, from the acknowledged antiquity of the legend, andthe extraordinary way in which the facts it relates seem to fit anddove-tail in with the circumstances we all know of as bearing upon thegeneral relations between cat and dog, I am inclined to strongly favourthe opinion that the story is the correct version of the firstbeginning of the great and terrible schism which exists between theraces. It should be a warning to us human beings to be careful how weplace confidence either in dog or cat with regard to the other.

  If a breakage occurs in my house, and the servant in whose departmentit has happened brings forward the not altogether unfamiliar statementthat "the cat did it," I always suspect that some dog has probablywhispered it in his or her ear; and any imputation upon the conduct ofmy dogs I invariably attribute to the suggestion of some old cat.Still, the world is wide enough for both races; and, looking at it froma selfish point of view, their feud does not so much matter, so long asthey are both obedient and useful to mankind.

  Wherefore, after I had heard Jenny's narrative, and duly rewarded herwith a carrot, I always used to go home and think how much we may alllearn from the habits of the different animals with which our world ispeopled, and how their errors are in reality no greater than our own.For I am sure I have before now heard people both sing and play thefiddle, without any more pretension than Effie to be able to do either;I have heard people boast of having done things quite as impossible asthat the cow should really have jumped over the moon; I have knownpeople over and over again laugh in the wrong place like the littledog, and call things sport which are nothing of the kind, and I havelistened to those who could accuse their neighbours of crimes just asunlikely as that which the magpie attributed to the dish.

  I will say no more, save that I hope it never happens _now_ among menand women, that husband and wife ever live in such a manner as tojustify the description of their existence as being "like Cat and Dog!"