Uncle Joe's Stories

by Baron Edward Hugessen Knatchbull-Hugessen Brabourne

  OPHELIA.

  Next to an insane Giant there is nothing more terrible than a madPigmy. It was therefore a dreadful event for all people concerned whenthe King of the Pigmies went out of his senses. The disease came ongradually, and was not immediately discovered.

  His majesty had never been of a very lively disposition, and the courtwas therefore not much amazed when he withdrew from the public gaze,little by little, until he was very rarely visible beyond the precinctsof the palace, and was understood to be deep in his studies. Those,however, who had the privilege of being immediately about his royalperson, were well aware that his majesty was seriously indisposed. Atfirst the symptoms were only those of profound melancholy. He declinedhis food repeatedly, refused to open his letters, buried his faceconstantly in his hands, and went to bed when the dinner bell rang.

  This was unpleasant, as the royal household were forbidden by the lawsof that kingdom to have any dinner except at the same time with theking, and as pigmies are invariably blessed with good appetites, muchinconvenience would have been caused but for the recognised fact thatnobody ever obeyed the laws unless it happened to suit him to do so. Inthis manner the difficulty was got over, and the illness of the kingmight have been concealed from his people if no other symptoms hadappeared. But from silent melancholy the unhappy monarch shortly passedto the stage of frantic violence.

  He threw anything he could lay hands on at the head of any individualwho came near him, used the most fearful language, and gave the mostextraordinary orders. These at first were evaded or received in silencein the hope they might be forgotten as soon as spoken. But when theking insisted upon it that the Prime Minister should be cut in pieces,the Lord Chamberlain fed upon rabbit skins and oil, and the ChiefJustice baked without further delay, these functionaries severally andtogether came to the conclusion that the thing could go no further.

  The laws of Pigmyland were clear and well known; upon the death orincapacity through illness of the reigning sovereign, his eldest sonalways ascended the throne as a matter of course, and, failing sons,his nearest relative succeeded to the sceptre.

  Unfortunately, however, the King of the Pigmies had neither son norrelative of any kind, which arose principally from the fact of hishaving destroyed his father's and mother's families, owing to thosejealous fears which often disturb and distract the minds of tyrants,and from the additional circumstance that he had never seen fit tomarry. Thus King Pugpoz was the last of his race, and although he wasundoubtedly no longer fit to govern the nation, the question as to hissuccessor was, as will readily be imagined, one of very great doubt anddifficulty.

  The three great officers of state, that is to say, the Prime Minister,the Lord Chamberlain and the Chief Justice, who rejoiced in the ancientand highsounding names of Binks, Chinks and Pigspud, laid their headstogether several times before they could by any means agree as to whatshould be done. Each of them would have been willing to undertake thegovernment himself, and each thought that he was the best person towhom it could possibly be entrusted. But the other two held quite adifferent opinion. Chinks and Pigspud well knew that Binks, eaten upwith gout and rheumatism, was not a person whom the Pigmy nation wouldever accept for their king: Pigspud and Binks were perfectly well awarethat Chinks had a wife and family, whose combined arrogance andextravagance would certainly ruin the kingdom if he were placed uponthe throne, and Binks and Chinks were thoroughly acquainted with theevil life which caused the public to regard Pigspud as one of the worstof men though the best of judges.

  So, since it was evident that none of the three could be safelyelevated to the throne, it became necessary to look about for somebodyelse.

  The names of all the great people about the court were duly considered,but although there were several who would have been very willing toundertake the business, there were objections to all. One was too old,another too idle, a third of too tyrannous a disposition, and a fourthtoo stupid for the place. So for a time it really seemed as if it wouldbe impossible to find a king, and that they must either put up withtheir mad sovereign or go without one altogether.

  Neither of these results, however, would have been satisfactory, eitherto the court or to the nation, and it was therefore with joy ratherthan anger that the three great officers of state received the newsthat a relation of the royal family had been discovered to exist, inwhom a successor to the unhappy madman might be found. This was theonly son of the king's uncle, who, having been cruelly treated by hisfather in early youth, had left Pigmyland in disgust and had beencurrently reported to have died shortly afterwards. This, however, hadnot been the case.

  Prince Famcram had done nothing of the kind, and had never intended toleave the world unless compelled to do so, by circumstances beyond hiscontrol. He had embarked on board a vessel which was bound on a longvoyage, and had possibly cherished the hope that his absence from homewould soften his father's heart, and procure for him kinder treatmentupon his return. It is impossible to say whether this might or mightnot have been the result, inasmuch as the opportunity of proving thesame never occurred.

  It was not long after the prince's flight, that his cousin the kingtook it into his royal head to destroy all his blood relations, amongwhom his uncle, the prince's father, naturally perished. When,therefore, the young man next received news of his family, he learnedthat there were none of them left alive except the royal destroyer ofthe rest. This news, strange as it may appear, afforded him noinducement to return to the land of his nativity, for, dear as one'scountry should be to every well regulated mind, life is notunfrequently dearer still, and Prince Famcram was unable to discoverany sufficient reason why he should imperil the one by visiting theother.

  He stayed away, therefore, and lived as best he could in foreign lands,until the insanity of his cousin King Pugpoz had been officiallyproclaimed and publicly made known. Then, having no longer any fear forhis life, he returned to Pigmyland without delay, and at once advancedhis claim to the sovereignty.

  There were, as is usual in such cases, some persons who pretended todoubt his identity and declared that he was only an impostor. Theevidence in his favour was, however, too strong for these disloyal andworthless persons.

  The prince had all the characteristics of his noble family. His hairwas of a bright, staring red; he squinted frightfully with both eyes,had one leg considerably shorter than the other, and was gifted with aprotuberance between his shoulders which was not far removed from ahump. He had, moreover, the family dislike to cold water, a strongpropensity to drink spirits, and a temper which of itself was enough tostamp him as one of the royal line which he claimed to represent. Addto this, that his language was by no means well chosen or polite, thathis disposition was cowardly and cruel, and that he cared for nobody inthe world but himself, and you have a fair and accurate picture of theprince upon whose head the crown of the unhappy Pugpoz was about todescend.

  It may readily be inferred that the prospects of Pigmyland did not seemto have been much brightened by the change. Indeed, between a mad kingand a bad king the difference appeared so small to some people thatthey were unable to see what the country had gained by the substitutionof the one for the other. Nevertheless, the unswerving devotion toroyalty which has always distinguished Pigmies did not fail that mightynation upon the present occasion.

  Famcram was welcomed by the voice of the people, and those who doubtedhis identity were got rid of as soon as possible. His first act,indeed, put beyond doubt the righteous nature of his claim. He directedPugpoz to be immediately strangled, partly to avenge the death of hisrelatives, and partly because he thought it a safer and moresatisfactory arrangement that any chance of his returning to a sanecondition of mind should at once be destroyed.

  Being now undeniably the only legitimate claimant to the throne of hisancestors, he determined to enjoy himself as much as he possibly could.

  There were considerable treasures in the royal coffers, which had beenamassed by Pugpoz and his predecessors, and with which King Famcramm
ight have purchased as much enjoyment as would have served him for aprolonged life-time. Being, however, of opinion that to be merry atother people's expense is by far the best plan if you can possiblymanage it, he gave out that he expected the principal grandees of thecountry to entertain him at banquets, balls, croquet and lawn-tennisparties, and in order to encourage them in their endeavours to out-doeach other in pleasing their beloved monarch, he declared his intentionof marrying the daughter of the nobleman who, at the end of the nextsix months, should have best succeeded in that laudable attempt. Theinfluence of such a promise was of course prodigious.

  To be the father-in-law of the king was an object well worth theattainment, and every great man throughout the length and breadth ofthe country felt his heart beat high at the royal announcement. Someindeed there were, who, having no daughters, were not particularlyimpressed by the circumstance, and spoke of the whole affair as a whimof the monarch to which slight importance was to be attached. Others,who, having seen the manner in which the late king had disposed of hisrelations, doubted the advantage of becoming too closely connected withthe royal family, proposed to themselves to take no particular pains tosurpass their neighbours in the attempt to please King Famcram. But, totell the truth, the great majority of those who heard the royaldetermination, and who happened to have marriageable daughters,received the news with great delight, and determined to spare noexertion which might secure such a son-in-law for themselves.

  Conspicuous among these would-be competitors for the prize were thethree great officials, Binks, Chinks, and Pigspud. Each was married,and none was daughterless. To all three, therefore, the field was open,and hope beat high in their official breasts.

  Since they first heard of the arrival and claims of Famcram, the threestatesmen had unitedly and steadily welcomed and supported him. Theyhad therefore some claims upon the royal gratitude, and hitherto theirinterests had been so far identical that they had been able to worktogether. Now, however, the interests of each were opposed to those ofthe other two.

  According to the laws of Pigmyland, the king could only marry one wife,and therefore his selection of the daughter of either of the threeministers would at once throw the others in the shade, and place thefather of the bride in a position far superior to that of the othertwo. This circumstance, as might have been expected, caused some slightinterruption of the harmony which had hitherto prevailed between thesethree illustrious personages. At first, however, the only intention ofeach of them was honestly to outdo the other two in the splendour ofthe reception which he should afford his sovereign. To Binks, as PrimeMinister, fell the first opportunity, and King Famcram gave him duenotice that he should shortly honour him with a visit to his villa,which was situate near the Pigmy metropolis.

  Now it so chanced that Binks was a widower, principally in consequenceof his wife having died, and of his having thought it unnecessary toseek another. He had, however, two fair daughters, gems of their sex,and bright ornaments of the court of Pigmydom.

  Euphemia was above the height ordinarily allotted to her race, andcould not have been less than three feet and a half high. Her nose wasaquiline, her cheeks flushed with the red blossom of youth, her eyesdark and piercing, her figure all that could be desired, and her voiceclear as a lover's lute in a still evening.

  Araminta, less tall than her sister, had a delicacy of complexionunrivalled in Pigmyland; her blue eyes were modestly cast down if youaccosted her. She spoke in tones soft and low like the south windwhispering in the mulberry-trees, and whilst her sister took your heartby storm, she stole into it unawares, and made you captive before youknew you were in danger.

  Such is the description of the two daughters of the noble house ofBinks, as given by a Pigmy writer of eminence at that time, and suchwere the charms against which King Famcram had to contend at thebeginning of the campaign. The Prime Minister had intended that hisentertainment should take the shape of a banquet; but the ladiesinsisted upon a ball, and a ball it was consequently to be. Immensepreparations were made for days, nay, for weeks beforehand. The villawas gorgeously decorated, the ball-room tastefully arranged, thechoicest music was provided, and no pains spared to ensure the desiredsuccess. At last the day arrived, and the hearts of Binks and hisdaughters beat high with expectation.

  The villa was beautifully placed upon the slope of a mountain, at thefoot of which a broad river wound through flowery meads and fertilefields, enriching and beautifying both in its onward course. Thegrounds of the villa stretching along the banks of the river, werebeautiful to a degree seldom seen out of Pigmyland, and never had theyappeared to greater advantage than on the present occasion. Gay flagsstreamed from staffs placed in the most conspicuous positions as wellas from many of the tallest of the trees which abounded in thosemagnificent gardens; sounds of lively music were wafted upon the softsummer breeze to the entranced ear of the listener; and every heart wasfilled with rejoicing and merriment.

  King Famcram was received at the entrance by a crowd of well-dressedcourtiers and obsequious attendants, who awaited his coming with allthat exuberant loyalty which is pre-eminently characteristic of thetrue Pigmy. He appeared somewhat late, as was in those days alwaysdeemed becoming in royal personages, and his coming was announced bythe enthusiastic cheers of the dense crowd which thronged theapproaches to the garden gates.

  Seated in the hereditary coach of the Pigmy monarchs, drawn by eightcream-coloured guinea-pigs, and clad in rich garments of various hue,Famcram drew near to the habitation of the honoured Binks. In his handhe held the ancient sceptre of his race, which was nothing less thanthe petrified skull of an early occupant of the Pigmy throne, who hadby his will left his head to be devoted to this purpose, and directedthat it should be rivetted in gold settings upon his favouritewalking-stick, and further ornamented by such gifts as his faithfulsubjects might choose to bestow out of respect for the memory of theirdeceased lord. As his successors, each upon his accession to thethrone, invited new gifts to the sceptre as a test of continuousloyalty and devotion to the throne, the head of the dead king hadpractically brought greater wealth to his family than it had ever doneduring his life-time, and although an additional precious stone or twowas set in the skull after each recurrence of gifts, the greaterportion of these were, it was more than supposed, converted into cashby the various monarchs who received them, and appropriated to theirown royal purposes. This valuable weapon King Famcram waved in his handas he neared his prime minister's dwelling, and looked round upon hispeople with a proud and kingly gaze as he passed along.

  Binks, as was but natural, met his royal master at the gate, andprepared to escort him up the avenue to the door of the villa, across aprofusion of flowers with which the way thereto was covered.

  Famcram alighted from his carriage, and suffered his host to conducthim through the great gates, and to go bowing and scraping before himup the avenue. He followed, squinting around him in a friendly manner,and graciously expressing his approval of the beauty of the place. Butas soon as he had reached the stone steps which led up to the villadoor, the latter was thrown open, and, one on each side of the doorway,stood the two daughters of the ancient house of Binks, clad in gorgeousattire, and each holding in her hand a magnificent bouquet of thechoicest flowers, which it was their intention to humbly offer to theiraugust sovereign, and which they lost not a moment in presenting.Scarcely, however, had Famcram set eyes upon the sisters and perceivedtheir intention, than he positively snorted with disgust, and startinghastily backwards, (during which process he planted his heel firmlyupon the gouty toe of his Prime Minister,) he turned round fiercelyupon the latter and accused him of having intended to poison him:

  "Wretch!" he cried, "there is poison in those flowers which yourdaughters--if such they be--offer to me, and doubtless it has not beenplaced there without the knowledge and consent of their vile parent. Iknow it but too well. Make no excuses, for they will all be useless.The nose of a Pigmy of the royal race is never mistaken. Mygreat-great-grandfather was poisone
d by a subtle venom concealed in acarnation, and in the similar flowers which are conspicuous in each ofthe bouquets I see before me, I detect the fate you had in store foryour sovereign. But you shall bitterly rue it! Seize him, guard!"

  The unhappy Binks, overcome with astonishment and terror, in vainraised his voice to protest that nothing was further from his thoughtsthan to perpetrate such a terrible crime as that which the kingsuspected--and that, too, against a prince whose cause he had espousedfrom the first, and in whose favour his whole hopes were placed. Hevowed that his daughters were certainly as innocent as he was, andimplored that the bouquets might be carefully examined, in order toprove that no poisonous substance had been placed therein. It was allto no purpose. Famcram only flew into a still more violent passion.

  "No poison in the flowers!" he cried. "The villain doubts his king'snose and his king's words! Off with him, guards, at once; and let hisdaughters be taken too!"

  At these words Euphemia and Araminta, who had listened with awe-struckcountenances and beating hearts to the extraordinary remarks of theking, gave utterance to wild shrieks, and fell fainting upon thedoorway, from which they were speedily dragged by the king's orders,and hurried away, with their unhappy father, to the dungeons of thepalace.

  Having thus got rid of his host and hostess, Famcram allowed himself tocalm down gradually, and, entering the ball-room, permitted those todance who wished to do so, whilst he himself proceeded without delay tothe supper-room, and made himself as comfortable as possible. He thendirected all the plate and valuables of the luckless Binks to be packedup and taken to the palace; and, having placed a guard over the villa,which he declared should in future be a royal residence, he departed,with the satisfactory feeling of having made a good night's work of it.

  When news of what had been done reached Chinks, the soul of the LordChamberlain was greatly exercised thereat. He did not for a momentimagine that Binks or his daughters had been guilty of the crimeimputed to them by their royal master; but in the acts of the latter hediscerned a steady determination to possess himself of the wealth ofhis richest subjects, and to reign more absolutely and despoticallythan his predecessors.

  How to escape the fate of Binks was a problem by no means easy ofsolution. He was blessed with three daughters, Asphalia, Bettina, andParaphernalia, so much alike that they could not be known apart, and sobeautiful that nobody could see them without immediately becomingdevoted to them. In these damsels Chinks placed his hopes, and couldnot but believe that the king, however hardly he had dealt with hisPrime Minister, would not be insensible to the charms of his LordChamberlain's daughters. Still, he received with some fear andtrembling the notice which Famcram shortly sent him, that he wouldvisit him at his country house in the following week.

  As the selection of a ball had not turned out well in the case ofBinks, the Chinks family resolved upon another sort of entertainment,and at vast expense hired a celebrated conjuror to perform before thesovereign and his court.

  The preparations were great--the company numerous--the weather all thatcould be desired, and the monarch, with his attendant courtiers,arrived in due time at the house, and was ushered into the spacioushall, where everything had been arranged for his reception. The threedaughters of the house, dressed exactly alike, were there to receivehim; but not a flower was to be seen about any of them, so that thefatal error of the Prime Minister's children might be avoided. Theywere dressed simply, and reverently knelt before the king as theyraised their voices to sing (in tones as true as they were sweet) anode which their father had himself composed in honour of hissovereign's visit.

  Scarcely, however, had they finished the first verse, when the littletyrant roared out at the top of his voice--

  "They sing out of tune! they sing out of tune! A royal ear is neverdeceived! He has made them do it because he knows I cannot bear a falsenote. Seize him, guards! away with him and his shabbily-dressed girls!"

  Chinks stepped forward to explain matters in his most courtly fashion,when the king brought down his sceptre upon his head with such a"thwack," that you might have heard it at the other end of the hall,and, though his wig, which was particularly large, partially saved him,he dropped senseless upon the floor, whilst his daughters broke intoshrieks of despair which were really out of tune, and were painfulindeed to hear.

  Famcram stopped his ears, and howled loudly for his guard, and beforemany minutes had passed, the Lord Chamberlain and his daughters were ontheir way to the same dungeons whither Binks and his girls had precededthem, and the king was occupied in selecting everything in the housewhich appeared to be most costly and beautiful, and directing that itshould be forthwith sent to his palace.

  Thus within a few days were two out of the three great functionaries ofthe kingdom dismissed, disgraced, and left in great peril of theirlives, whilst the king had added considerably to his wealth, and hadgot rid of two people whom he had either suspected or pretended tosuspect of being likely to be troublesome.

  These events made a profound impression upon the mind of Pigspud, andall the more so when notice came from the king that he should pay him avisit in the following week. The Lord Chief Justice was a wily andastute man. Although his life had not been reputable, the peccadilloesof great lawyers in that country were so usual as to be regarded by thepublic with a lenient eye, and, late in life, his appearance had becomeso eminently respectable, that a stranger would certainly have takenhim for a dean rather than for a judge, for a deep divine rather thanfor a learned lawyer.

  He had but one daughter. Tall, majestic of stature (for she was nearlyfour feet high), and with dark hair and eyes so bright that they seemedto look right through you, Ophelia Pigspud was a most remarkable woman.She was well read; so well read that people said she could have passedan examination with credit in almost any subject she had been pleasedto try. Reading, in fact, was no effort to her, and her powers ofmemory were extraordinarily great. It was even said that she knew moreof law than many lawyers of the day, whilst no one could deny her skillin modern languages, and her astonishing proficiency in generalliterature.

  As the venerable Chief Justice gazed upon his child, who was indeed thepride of his heart, he could not but feel uneasy at the prospect of herbeing sent to join the families of Binks and Chinks in the dungeons ofthe royal palace.

  "Never," he exclaimed, "shall such a fate befall my peerless Ophelia!"

  And having given utterance to this exalted sentiment, he thought forthree days and three nights how to carry it out, and utterly failed todiscover anything at all likely to succeed. Then he bethought himselfof consulting the young lady herself, of whose opinion he thought sohighly that it is curious he had not done so before.

  She smiled calmly when he laid the case before her, reminding her atthe same time that there wanted but three more days to the time fixedby the king for his visit.

  "Be not alarmed, my beloved father," said she, "but be assured that theblood of a true Pigspud will not be untrue to itself in the comingtrial. Besides, the education which your kind care has provided for me,has taught me means of escape from even worse dangers than those whichcan proceed from our tyrannical sovereign. Doubt not that it will turnout well."

  With such reassuring words did the daughter of the Chief Justicerestore courage to the heart of her parent, and he began to lookforward with less fear to the banquet at which it had been arrangedthat he should entertain his royal master. It was to be served in thelarge banqueting hall of his town house, and great preparations wereset on foot for several days before that appointed for the festivegathering. But instead of busying herself about the matter, Opheliatreated it as if it was one wholly indifferent to her, and refused tobe troubled about it in any way whatever. It was in vain that thedomestics, who were accustomed to take all orders from her, besoughther to give various directions upon different questions which arose.She declined altogether; deputing everything to Mrs. Brushemup, thehousekeeper; and telling old Winelees, the butler, not to come near heron pain of instan
t dismissal.

  Her own rooms were in a wing of the house which stretched down to thebanks of the river already mentioned, and from a private door she couldget down upon the banks without coming in sight of the windows of theprincipal apartments.

  But before I relate that which happened to the fair Ophelia at thiseventful time, it is but right to inquire what had become of theunhappy families who had already felt the weight of the tyrantFamcram's displeasure. Binks, with his two, and Chinks, with his threedaughters, had been cast into the dungeons of the Royal Palace, and thewife of Chinks having been added to the party, greatly increased themisery of all by her continual upbraidings of her husband and hisfriend as the cause of the misfortune which had befallen their twofamilies, which were all the more hard to bear, because they weretotally unreasonable and without foundation.

  The dungeons were small, hot, and unsavoury, and the prisoners sufferedgreatly, especially as the food supplied to them was scanty in quantityand wretched in quality. The young ladies endeavoured to pass away thetime in composing epitaphs upon their parents and themselves, whichafter all did but little towards raising their spirits, being, as suchthings not uncommonly are, of a somewhat melancholy character. Euphemiaand Araminta, however, were so proud of one of their compositions, thatit would be a pity that it should be lost to the world:--

  "Here lies the minister, great Binks, No more he for his country thinks; No more he eats--no more he drinks-- But, conquered by misfortune, sinks."

  The daughters of the Lord Chamberlain were scarcely equal to such apoetic effort as the above; but, determined not to be behindhand,presented their parent with the following stanza:--

  "Look through these bars with eye of lynx, And see the chamberlain, Lord Chinks! He scarce can breathe, and feebly winks, Quite done to death by prison stinks."

  In this manner did the innocent maidens endeavour to lighten the hoursof captivity which passed over their heads, and when, upon the secondweek of their imprisonment, they were moved into larger and more airyapartments, hope at once revived within their drooping bosoms. It must,however, be confessed, that in the midst of their distress both Binksand Chinks contemplated with silent but real satisfaction the probablyspeedy advent of Pigspud to join them in their prison, and share theirsorrows. This event they both regarded as quite certain to occur, andwithout having any particular ill-feeling towards the Chief Justice,the three had been too long in the position of rivals to make eithertwo sorry for any misfortune that befell the third, especially if ithad previously fallen upon themselves.

  Leaving these worthies to their expectations, we will now endeavour todiscover what was passing at the abode of Pigspud. It was the eveningbut one before the projected banquet. The shades of evening were fastclosing in around the city, and the mists of the river were beginningto rise like vapoury spirits from the water, when the private door ofOphelia's wing was stealthily and quietly opened, and a figure emerged,clothed from head to foot in a cloak of dark gray. Slowly but surely,as one who knew the road well, the figure passed along the lowterrace-walk that led down to the bank of the river, and stood at thebrink, silently for a few moments, and then began to murmur words in alow tone. A listener, however attentive, could scarcely have made outthe meaning of that which Ophelia (for it was none other than thedaughter of the house of Pigspud) was reciting, for the language inwhich she spoke was strange, and her tone somewhat indistinct;--

  "Marley-quarley-pachel-farley, Mansto macken furlesparley, Mondo pondo sicho pinto, Framsigalen hannotinto."

  Such were the mystic words which issued from the lips of the maiden.Nor was it long before a response was given. A low murmuring soundproceeded from the river, and out of the rushes which fringed the bankthere presently arose a form of strange and weird appearance. It wasthat of an old, a very old woman, with a red cloak wrapped around her,an umbrella in her hand, and a poke bonnet upon the top of her head.She was small, though not much below the ordinary height of a Pigmy;but the most remarkable thing about her was the extreme keenness of hereye, which seemed to pierce you through and through when she fixed itupon you. Slowly she rose from among the rushes, and scrambled, somehowor other, up the bank, until she stood opposite to the maiden who hadsummoned her. As soon as she had accomplished this feat, she struck herumbrella upon the ground, and remarked in a somewhat masculine tone ofvoice:

  "What is it, Ophelia, and what do you fear, That you've called your affectionate godmother here? Has your 'Pa' been unkind? (since no 'Ma' you have got), Or a lover appeared when you'd rather he'd _not_? Are you ill, or unhappy, or is't for a freak That your godmother's presence you suddenly seek?"

  Ophelia listened with respectful attention whilst the old woman utteredthese words, and then replied in a low, sweet voice:--

  "Did I not deem the crisis grave I had not called thee from thy wave: And if in doing so I err, Forgive me, gracious godmother! My father knows thee not, great dame; My mother told me, all the same, Thou _wast_ my godmother, and so I love thee in my weal and woe. O'ercome by cruel destiny, Poor Binks and Chinks in dungeons lie, And our bad king--a grievous sin-- Hath likewise put their daughters in. Dear godmother! 'twere sad, you know, My father should to prison go; But sadder still (you'll hardly fail To see) that _I_ should go to gaol. Yet is the time but two days hence When Famcram comes; on some pretence He'll surely send us both to pris'n, And make _our_ valuables hisn. Dear Godmother! Pray leave thy wave Thy loving god-daughter to save, Or tell me how, by thy kind aid, The tyrant's power I may evade!"

  Whilst Ophelia was speaking, the old woman kept tapping her umbrellaupon the ground in visible wrath, and a frown appearing upon her face,which was otherwise not particularly beautiful, did not greatly improveher personal appearance. As soon as the maiden ceased, she lost not amoment in making her reply:--

  "I'm ready, my darling, to do your behest, For tyrants like Famcram I greatly detest, And if your good father was not such a dolt, From the land of the despot he'd speedily bolt. For Binks and for Chinks I have nothing to say, And they're probably just as well out of the way; But as to their daughters--I'm really inclined To think that the king has gone out of his mind, And in _your_ case, I'll teach him, as well as I can, A woman has rights just as much as a man, And he's vastly mistaken, poor wretch, if he thinks A god-child of mine is the same as Miss Binks. Now listen to me: when King Famcram comes here, Betray not the slightest suspicion of fear, But enter, quite calmly, the banqueting room Arrayed in your commonest morning costume. He'll show irritation; and rage, beyond doubt (You know he could scarcely be royal without); But never mind _that_, tho' he rages meanwhile, Bestow on the fool a contemptuous smile; In spite of his anger, continue the same, And ask 'If he isn't content, why he came?' Whate'er he replies, pray be careful of this, And do not one word or one syllable miss; As soon as he threatens, stand just as you are, But hold up before him this earthenware jar, Remarking, 'King Famcram, determined I am To ask you to taste of my raspberry jam.' He'll do it--he must--since, the truth for to tell, This jar carries with it a wonderful spell; And when I've said o'er it the words I'll now say, Whoever you choose will acknowledge your sway. While kept in your hand (not a difficult task) Each person you speak to will do what you ask; And once the jam tasted, you'll have for your slave King Famcram, and teach him the way to behave. But keep the jar safe, for, broken or chipped, Of your spell and your sway you'll be speedily stripped."

  With these words the old lady, who, whilst speaking, had pulled out ofsome pocket or other, or else from the folds of her umbrella, a smalljar, now held it aloft in her hand and displayed it before the eyes ofOphelia. As soon as she had done so for as long a time as she thoughtfit, she stuck her umbrella firmly into the ground, and holding the jarimmediately over it, pronounced certain mystic and fearful words, whichno mor
tal of ordinary nature could utter, much less write, and whichthere is the less reason to mention, because if they were written oruttered, no child of man could possibly understand them. But when shehad finished this fearful muttering to herself, she spoke out moreloudly, addressing herself thus to the jar and its contents:

  "Jar! possessed of mighty spell, Do thy work, and do it well. Serve Ophelia night and day-- Famcram bring beneath her sway. Jam! do duty day and night; Tempt the royal appetite-- Be to Famcram wine and meat, Bring him to Ophelia's feet; Cause him eagerly to crave Life but as Ophelia's slave; Bow him humbly, bring him down, At her footstool place his crown, And, thy mission to fulfil, Let him live but by her will."

  Having finished her incantation, and repeated these lines in a voicesufficiently distinct, though not unlike the croak of a raven, the oldwoman now turned once more to Ophelia, as if to ascertain whether shehad anything more to say. The maiden smiled sweetly upon her, and atonce expressed her thanks in the following words:--

  "Dear godmother! how good thou art! The burden now has left my heart, Which like a weight has bowed me down With fear of tyrant Famcram's frown. Well do I know 'twere hard to find A councillor more wise and kind; And, with thy might and magic aid No longer shall I feel afraid. I'll use the jar and jam as told, And very tight the former hold, And when King Famcram is subdued I, with this magic power imbued, Will make him slave--and let him know it-- And ne'er forget to whom I owe it!"

  So speaking, Ophelia held out her hand for the promised jar, when theold woman, making a stride forward, placed it in her hands, and then,throwing both her arms round the maiden, clasped her tightly in a longand loving embrace with which she could very well have dispensed.Gratitude, however, for the immense favour which she was about toreceive at the hands of her excellent godmother, prevented her fromdisclosing the repugnance which she probably felt at the vehemence ofthe old lady's affection, and having endured it with silent fortitude,she took the jar into her hands, and, bidding her companion arespectful farewell, forthwith re-entered the private door throughwhich she had come, and shortly disappeared within the house.

  The old woman then took up her umbrella, and slowly descending the bankof the river to the rushes from which she had emerged, speedily becameinvisible. The shades of night closed in, and darkness soon set itsseal upon the Pigmy capital and nation.

  The Chief Justice did not see his daughter that evening, and althoughhe had great confidence in her sagacity, talents, and resources, itmust be confessed that he rose next morning with a heavy heart. In allprobability, he thought, it was his last day of office, and not only ofoffice, but of freedom. With the fate of the Prime Minister and theLord Chamberlain before his eyes, how could he possibly hope to escape?For a moment the thought of flight crossed his mind, but was asinstantly banished. His hopes, his wealth, his relations, hishome--everything that could make life pleasant was fixed and centred inhis native country, and at his age no change was to be thought of orcould be endured. And then, where could he fly to, and how escape fromthe tyrant's spies?

  No: the thought was madness--the event, be it what it might, must beencountered: the morrow must come in its due course, and, after all,he, a lawyer, a statesman and a philosopher, ought to be able to put upwith his fate at least as well as other people.

  While the worthy Pigspud thus mused upon the melancholy prospect beforehim, he was interrupted by the approach of his daughter, the calmnessof whose countenance and demeanour was certainly calculated to reassureher anxious parent. However, although she spoke hopefully and bade theold man take courage and be sure that things would turn out better thanhe expected, she told him not one word about her secret interview ofthe previous evening, or of the powerful assistance she had procured.

  So the old gentleman passed but a sad day, and could only consolehimself by resolving to be loyal to the last to his sovereign, and toprovide him an entertainment of which he should not be ashamed.

  Vast, indeed, were the preparations made for that banquet. So manydelicacies had probably not been collected together for one repastwithin the memory of man. Nothing was omitted. From the oysters withwhich each guest was to be furnished at the beginning, down to theliqueurs at the end of the feast, everything was there, and everythingwas in perfection.

  Pigspud had even hired a special poet to compose and recite an ode inpraise of the King, but there were doubts expressed as to the completesuccess of the composition, confined as it was to the doings of thetable, and celebrating dishes which were made to tickle the palate bytheir taste rather than the ear by their well-sung praises. The odebegan,--

  "Come servants all, the table put on Well-roasted beef and tender mutton. Guests, down your throats white veal and lamb cram, And drink the health of good King Famcram! Consume the oaten cakes and wheat-bread, The calves-foot jelly and the sweet-bread, And own the table splendid, that is So well supplied with oyster-patties."

  There was much more of this, in a similar strain, but in the confusionthat afterwards followed, and in the interesting events which I shallpresently have to chronicle, the ode itself was lost, and as no copiescould be afterwards obtained, I am unable to supply the rest of it tothe anxious reader. With regard to the entertainment, generally, therewas certainly no fault to be found.

  Old Winelees and Mrs. Brushemup had surpassed themselves, and theconfectioners, cooks and pastrycooks to whom had been assigned theduties connected with the preparation of the affair, had exertedthemselves beyond all praise.

  The decorations were gorgeous, and everything appeared to have beenarranged with such care and good taste, and with such an utterdisregard of expense, that there were not wanting many, even amongthose who were acquainted (as who was not) with the upshot of theefforts made by the Prime Minister and the Lord Chamberlain to dohonour to their sovereign, who prophesied a greater success and even atriumphant result to the Chief Justice. The hour drew near at whichFamcram was expected, and ere long the distant trumpets heralded hisapproach. The mob cheered him lustily along the streets, not because hewas popular, but because he was handsomely dressed, had his crown uponhis head and the famous sceptre in his hand, which facts were quitesufficient to justify a mob in cheering anybody.

  Nearer and nearer his carriage drew, and at last stopped before thedoor of Pigspud's mansion. Then, after one last loud flourish, thetrumpets ceased to sound. The king alighted to his feet. The ChiefJustice received him kneeling on one knee.

  Famcram bowed coldly, glanced right and left, and then slowly enteredthe banqueting room, while his host tremblingly followed behind, hisheart balanced between hope and fear, but much, it must be owned,inclining to the latter. The king paused at the entrance of the room.Everything was so beautifully arranged that it was difficult to findfault, even for one who was determined to do so. The flowers, thefruit, the flags, the garlands, the decorations which met his eye wereall so splendid, that those who saw them, and knew at the same timethat the tyrant was certain to find some occasion to carry out hispurpose, marvelled within themselves, what cause for fault-finding hecould possibly discover, or what excuse he would be able to invent forhis action.

  They had not long to marvel, however, for the next moment the eyes ofall were turned upon Ophelia, who came sauntering down the room,between the tables, very leisurely, even carelessly, and advancedtowards the king.

  She was dressed in her morning dress of an unpretending brown colour,fitting closely to the figure, and unadorned by ornament of any kindsave a steel chatelaine, from which hung sundry useful articles,scissors, thimble, needlecase and the like; but which added to thesuspicion which her general appearance created, that she had merelywalked from her sitting-room to the banquetting-hall without any changeof toilet in honour of the king.

  This was quite enough for Famcram, and furnished him with an excuse foranger against his Chief Justice, far more legitimate than those whichhad been made the pretext for the
punishment of his two brotherofficials. The king lost no time in flying into a violent passion.

  "What ho!" he cried, in as loud a voice as his anger would permit himto raise. "What bold hussey is this who comes to meet her sovereign incommon everyday garments? What malapert conduct have we here?" and hestrutted forward puffing and fuming like a turkey-cock.

  Ophelia, who had learned her lesson well, and knew how much dependedupon it, paid not the smallest attention to the anger of the king, butadvanced towards him with the same careless step, and a contemptuoussmile upon her countenance. Of course this made matters worse, and theunhappy Pigspud trembled in his shoes in dire anticipation of whatwould follow, whilst the courtiers and attendants opened their eyeswider than they had ever done at the strange conduct of the infatuatedmaiden.

  The sight of the smile upon the maiden's face incensed Famcram to astill greater degree. He stamped violently upon the floor, and turningto the Chief Justice demanded in imperious tones what was the meaningof this insult.

  "Who is it?" he cried, "who is this brazen-faced daughter of a demonwho dares to come thus into our presence?"

  The unhappy Pigspud in trembling tones admitted that it was his owndaughter.

  "Your daughter?" exclaimed the king, with a smile or rather grin inwhich fury, triumph and revenge contended for the mastery. "It is thenin your house and by your daughter that I am thus treated? I will dealwith you presently, Chief Justice. What do you mean, hussey, by thisshameful impudence?"

  To the surprise of the king himself and of every person present,Ophelia actually yawned whilst the monarch was speaking, and when hehad concluded, kept smiling upon him with palpable contempt, andglancing round at the decorations and beautiful objects right and leftof her, remarked in a languid, drawling tone--"If you are not content,King Famcram, why did you come?"

  This filled up the measure of her iniquity, and drove the king nearlymad. Half beside himself with rage, he seemed to those about him tofoam at the mouth as he spluttered forth his furious answer.

  "Vile wench! you and your father shall suffer for this! You shall, byall that a Pigmy holds dear I swear it. The fate of Binks and Chinksshall be paradise to _your_ lot, you wretched scum of the earth. Ho!guard, seize these traitors at once, and have the lowest and darkestdungeon made ready for them without delay!"

  A groan burst from the lips of the unfortunate Pigspud as the royallips pronounced these words, for in them he naturally saw therealisation of his worst fears. But before one of the guards could movehand or foot, the fair Ophelia, with the same smile continuously uponher lips, took a step or two forward, and, holding out in her hand thelittle jar of which we know--but of the existence of which everyonepresent was profoundly ignorant, said in a remarkably calm and clearvoice--

  "Pray listen: King Famcram, determined I am To ask you to taste of my raspberry jam!"

  Scarcely were the words out of her mouth when a perceptible change cameover the face, voice, and manner of Famcram. The first turned ghastlywhite; the second sank to a low whisper; and the third lost all itsviolence, and became as quiet as the manner of a sheep when in thehands of its executioner.

  One shiver passed over the king's frame, as if there was a stronginternal struggle; but it was over in a moment. Murmuring something soindistinctly that no one was quite sure what he said, but apparentlysomething about "not liking to refuse a lady," he shuffled forward tomeet Ophelia, whilst the crowd around was plunged in the deepestamazement at his strange and altered conduct.

  The maiden, as he approached, took a small silver salt-spoon from thetable near her, scooped out of her jar a good spoonful of the jam, andheld it to Famcram's mouth. He meekly received the spoon therein, anddevoured the jam without a word, good, bad, or indifferent. The nextmoment he grovelled--literally grovelled--at Ophelia's feet, coveringthem with kisses, and vowing that he was her slave for life.

  The people could hardly believe their eyes, and looked at each other asif they felt that they must all be in a dream, or suffering from someoptical delusion, and that it could not be a reality which was passingbefore them. But Ophelia took it all quite as a matter of course.

  She ordered Famcram, in haughty tones, to kneel on all fours, and assoon as he had done so, she sat down upon him with the greatestcalmness.

  Wonder upon wonders! The tyrant, who had shown every disposition totreat his people like miserable slaves, seemed now to be reduced tomore abject slavery than the meanest of his vassals.

  A moment before, he was uttering threats of vengeance against his host;now, he was prostrate and humble, the meek servitor of that host'sdaughter.

  No one could imagine whence or how this mighty change had come, but thevoice of Ophelia soon turned their thoughts to other things. Stillseated upon her living stool, she bade the guests be seated, and toldthem that her father would do the honours.

  Having seen her power displayed in so miraculous a manner, no one feltthe least inclined to disobey her, the more particularly as hercommands were by no means of an unwelcome nature, and the feast was oneof a very inviting description.

  No one offered to interfere between the lady and the sovereign, beingprobably of opinion that to do so would expose themselves to dangerwithout benefit to their lord and master, for whom, moreover, none ofthem had any very particular affection. Accordingly they obeyedOphelia's commands without either reluctance or hesitation, seatedthemselves at the tables and began to attack the good things thereuponwithout any unnecessary delay.

  Meantime Ophelia kept her seat, and Famcram, not being particularlystrong, soon groaned beneath her weight, especially as she did not tryto lighten his burden, but sat as heavy as she could, occasionallylifting her feet from the ground to give greater weight to her body.The king spoke not a word, however, being apparently restrained by somepower. He merely panted and breathed deeply, once or twice trembling soas to shake the maiden. Whenever he did so, she struck him a sharp blowon the side of the head with the back of her hand, addressing him atthe same time with epithets the reverse of complimentary.

  "Beast, keep quiet." "Be still, you stupid brute," and such likeejaculations were all the king got from his fair mistress, and thiscontinued until the banquet was well nigh over, and most of the goodthings consumed. Then Ophelia arose, and taking the king by the ear(which she pinched and twisted so that an involuntary yell broke fromthe unhappy sufferer), led him to the head of the table at which herfather was presiding. The latter trembled even then, partly for fear ofthe extraordinary power possessed by his daughter, and perhaps in agreater degree lest it should suddenly fail her after all, and thevengeance of the enslaved monarch be worse to endure than would havebeen his first anger.

  No such fear, however, troubled Ophelia, who had her own purpose inwhat she was now about to do. She desired to show to the people hergreat and full power over their sovereign, and this she had alreadydone; but it was by no means part of her plan that they should cease topay him deference, or at least obedience, for it was through him thatshe could alone possess that power over them which she fully intendedto gain. She therefore caused him to be seated at her father's righthand, and to be supplied with food and drink of which she directed himto partake. Famcram obeyed at once, meekly and without complaint, andate what was given to him with a grateful glance at Ophelia, such as adog might have given to a master who had thrown him a bone.

  She, meanwhile, seating herself on the other side of her father,listlessly asked for some boiled chicken, and, whilst she trifled withher knife and fork, began to converse upon indifferent subjects, makingno allusion whatever to the incidents of the day. This behaviour causedthe Chief Justice the greatest astonishment, and at another time hewould have demanded explanations of his daughter without delay.

  But his joy at the unexpected turn which things had taken, and at hisown safety, at least for the time, from the peril with which he hadbeen so recently threatened, caused him to take less notice of thematter than he would otherwise have done.

  To speak the
truth, moreover, his joy had been somewhat increased andhis spirits in no small degree elated by an unusual quantity of drychampagne which he had imbibed in the excitement of the moment, so thatthings appeared natural and reasonable to him which would generallyhave seemed most extraordinary.

  Ophelia meantime was playing her game well. She judged--and judgedrightly--that the conduct of the king in throwing himself at her feet,in allowing her to sit upon him as if he were a chair or stool, and inafterwards meekly following her to the head of the table, would beattributed to nothing else than devoted love by a great many of thosewho were present, and especially by such as had not been near enough towitness his first outburst of anger, or to hear his first words, whichhad certainly not been those of affection.

  This idea would be speedily followed by another, when the guests sawher seated on one side of the Chief Justice and King Famcram on theother.

  What _could_ it mean save that she was about to be raised to thehighest dignity in the kingdom, and to share the throne and power ofFamcram as his queen?

  This was in fact the resolution which she had formed, and determined toomit no precaution which might ensure its success. So she sat and ateat the banquet, already looking and feeling like a queen, and herdevice fully succeeded in making the people believe that things were asshe desired.

  But all this would be insufficient without some public avowal on thepart of the king, and she resolved that this should be given.

  Presently, therefore, she leant forward across her father, and,steadily looking Famcram in the face, thus addressed him:--

  "King, your wish--the anxious wish of your heart--shall be gratified. Iconsent to become your queen, and you may at once announce the happytidings to this august assembly."

  As she said these words, the luckless Famcram turned quite red in theface, and there was visibly another struggle within his breast betweencontending passions. This struggle lasted longer than the first, andnot only did he make no sign of acquiescence to the lady's proposal,but there were those who afterwards declared that they heard--deep andlow like the sound of fire struggling to burst loose from walls withinwhich it is enclosed--a sepulchral voice within the king which mutteredthe words--"I don't want any queen."

  But, whether such words were spoken or not, Ophelia was equal to theoccasion.

  "Jam, dear, did you say?" she asked in her most winning tones, and inanother second the salt-spoon was out, and a portion of the contents ofthe little jar transferred without delay to the king's mouth, whilst ina low, determined voice, the maiden continued, speaking in tones whichcould scarcely be heard by anyone save the king himself and the ChiefJustice.

  "Speak out, slave, at once, and acknowledge me as your only queen."

  Mechanically, as if moved by springs, uprose King Famcram. There was adead silence for a moment; then there burst forth a loud cheer, for theguests naturally supposed that the king was about to speak, and knewthat it was proper to cheer before he said anything, in order to showthat they were ready to do so afterwards.

  Then again there was a silence, and Famcram spoke these words:

  "Ophelia Pigspud is my queen, and only she."

  And down he sat again so suddenly that everybody thought it was byaccident, and there must be something more coming.

  As, however, there was _not_, it was evidently the duty of all presentto cheer again, and this they did most lustily, again and again, thougha great many of them had not heard what the king had said, a great manymore thought there was something in the proceeding which they could notunderstand, and still a great many more did not care sixpence, one wayor other, about the announcement.

  Nevertheless, Ophelia had gained her end: the king had publiclydeclared that she, and she only, was his queen, and the rest appearedto depend upon herself.

  By this time the Chief Justice was in a condition which rendered itdesirable that no further business of importance should be transacted,for the excitement of the afternoon had proved altogether too much forhim. He was therefore assisted to his room, and retired amid loudcheers from such of the guests as had not made sufficient noise before.Then Ophelia directed the butler and his attendants to conduct Famcramto the state chamber, and to direct the guards to be placed in theusual manner.

  The courtiers and guests were forthwith dismissed, and the eventful daydrew to its close.

  Many and deep were the thoughts which occupied Ophelia's mind thatnight; she had a difficult game to play, and though her spirit was highand her courage undaunted, it was impossible that she should not feelsome anxiety as to the result. So far, indeed, all had gone well.

  Famcram, who had evidently entered the banqueting-room with no betterintentions towards her father and herself than those which he hadentertained and carried out in the case of the unhappy families ofBinks and Chinks, had been entirely overcome by the magic assistance ofher godmother.

  The jam had proved most efficacious indeed, and the evening had beenone continued triumph.

  But doubts and fears still remained as to the future. At the verymoment of the king's recognition of her as his queen, he had but tooplainly evinced a disinclination to the step which appeared to indicatethat the power of the jam was but temporary, unless, indeed, it was thelast struggle of his obstinate nature against that power. He hadcertainly yielded, and nothing could have been more complete thanOphelia's victory. But then came the question, if the jam had notsufficient force to keep the king enchained as her slave for a longertime than the duration of the banquet, might not its power die awayaltogether before morning? In that case, what would be her position ifthe monarch, too wary to see her, and so run the risk of being againsubjected to the same treatment, should issue orders directed againsther and hers, and fully revenge himself for the events of the previousevening?

  True--if she retained the jar, she might operate upon his messengers insuch a manner as to prevent their inflicting personal injury uponherself, but she would probably be unable to protect her father or hisproperty, as the power she possessed seemed to be personal, closelyconnected with the jam, and such as could only be exercised when shehad the jar in her hand.

  Suppose, again, that Famcram should awake during the night, discoverthat he was not in his own palace, summon his attendants, and surpriseher father and slay or capture him whilst asleep. Or suppose he shouldleave the house by stealth, and that next morning it should besurrounded by royal guards before she was awake, and her jar possiblytaken from her.

  All these thoughts passed constantly through the mind of the daughterof Pigspud, and she got but little rest throughout the whole of thatlong and dreary night.

  Early in the morning she arose, performed her toilet with the greatestcare, and forthwith descended to the grand drawing-room of the mansion,where several of the courtiers had already assembled. The king had notyet made his appearance, and it must be owned that Ophelia awaited hiscoming with some anxiety. Presently, however, the doors were thrownopen, and the sun shining through the great windows on the staircase,fell full upon the bright red hair of the little monarch, making itbrighter than ever.

  As he slowly descended, Ophelia grasped tightly in her hand the littlejar, which she kept concealed in the folds of her dress, quite preparedto have recourse to it again immediately, if occasion should require.She soon saw, however, that she need be under no immediateapprehension. There was a submissive look about Famcram's generalappearance, and a humility even in his squint (which seemed thatmorning to be more frightful than ever), which greatly re-assured themaiden.

  He came limping into the room, and bowed before her as he entered. Nowwas the moment when Ophelia's course of action must be clear andcertain. She had already resolved upon it, and proceeded according toher determination.

  To keep Famcram in awe of herself--to preserve their last evening'srelations of mistress and slave--was positively necessary, but it wasequally desirable not to lower her future husband in the eyes of hiscourtiers and attendants. She therefore saluted him with a gracefulbend o
f the head, and invited him to the breakfast-room, where theytook their seats side by side.

  The Chief Justice was rather late that morning, at which nobodymanifested any surprise, having seen that his fatigue was great on theprevious evening. Ophelia therefore had everything to do, and she didit admirably. The guests were well treated, the breakfast wasexcellently arranged, and everybody appeared satisfied and in goodspirits.

  At the conclusion of the repast, Ophelia notified to the king that heshould appoint a time that morning at which he would receive hissubjects, and publicly fix the day upon which their marriage should becelebrated.

  The little man made no objection, and trembled visibly when the maidenfixed her eyes upon him. So it was arranged that at a public audienceto be held at twelve o'clock, the king should make solemn proclamationof his intended marriage, and that, as delays in such matters wereundesirable, the ceremony should be performed the very next day.

  Thus far had Ophelia Pigspud certainly overcome the evils with whichfate had threatened her, and she began to feel confident that all wouldgo well, and that her triumph would be final and complete. Twelveo'clock came, and the appointed reception was duly held, theproclamation that it would be so having attracted many of the betterclass of Pigmies. The shortness of the notice was no hindrance to thisresult.

  In some countries, I have been told, when subjects are admitted to thepresence of their sovereign, they are compelled, whether men or women,to adopt a costume which they never think of wearing at any other time,which is exceedingly inconvenient and sometimes ridiculous. Althoughthese ceremonies take place, like the royal receptions in Pigmyland, inthe broad daylight, the ladies who attend are obliged to do so indresses more fit for evening parties, with their heads fantasticallyarranged and crowned with feathers, more ludicrous than imposing,while, irrespective of weather, their throats and chests are exposed ina manner exceedingly likely to produce colds and coughs and such likeundesirable ailments.

  The gentlemen, all armed with swords, as if the sovereign was likely toorder a sudden attack upon them, or to require their services in orderto repel one upon himself, are dressed in various degrees of absurdity,according to the particular rank or grade to which each belongs, but noone wears an ordinary dress, and the whole thing is somewhat like afancy ball or a masquerade without the masks. These, however, are ofcourse only half civilized people, and not an intelligent andprogressive race such as the Pigmies. The latter appear before theirmonarch in their ordinary clothes, the only regulation being that theyshall be decent and respectable, as in fact they always are. Thus thesovereign sees his people as they really are, whilst they on their partcome into the royal presence without restraint, or the uncomfortablefeeling of presenting an appearance similar to that of a jackdaw inpeacock's feathers. This ensures a large attendance on reception days,which are also the more frequently held, and at short notice, sincethey do not entail upon the people, as in the countries to which I havealluded, the necessity of long notice to dress-makers and tailors, andthe not inconsiderable expense contingent upon dealings with suchpeople. So although the proclamation was only made upon the samemorning, the greater part of the aristocracy of Famcram's capital,together with many of the middle classes, who were not excluded fromthat court, attended his reception.

  Ophelia stood by his side, carefully retaining the jar of jam all thetime, and the little monarch was as submissive as upon the previousday. The people saw and recognised her position.

  Whether they murmured at all, or entertained any objection to thesudden elevation of the daughter of Pigspud, I cannot say, but at allevents no such feeling was evinced, the reception passed off as well asOphelia could possibly have wished, and Famcram was as much her slaveas ever.

  For greater security, she gave him a small piece of bread and jamimmediately after luncheon, and he really seemed to require no more inorder to keep him perfectly submissive and obedient to the will of hismistress. Of course it was necessary to make great preparations for thenext day.

  Chief Justice Pigspud, finding his daughter's position, to allappearance, firmly established, took heart again, recovered much of hisformer confidence, and began to hold up his head and to prepare to takea full share in the future government of the kingdom. He naturally tookthe lead in arranging the proceedings of the following day, the moreespecially as Famcram seemed to have suddenly changed his character.Instead of being captious, jealous, ill-tempered, arbitrary, andtyrannical, he appeared to have subsided into a meek, quiet, timidbeing, who hardly dared call his soul his own. He spoke, looked, andmoved as if in a kind of stupor, and obeyed every command of Opheliawithout a protest or even a murmur of objection.

  The Chief Justice, seeing that this result had been obtained in somemysterious way, was too well satisfied with it to trouble his daughterby inquiries into the means she had used or the agencies she hademployed. It is due to the old man to say that he suspected nothingunlawful, but even had he entertained such suspicions, I do not knowthat he would have deemed it necessary to take any action upon them,since, whatever the means taken, the end secured had been one sodesirable.

  With all his faults Pigspud was not without generosity, and now that hesaw good prospects of prosperity before him and his house, he bethoughthimself of his old associates, Binks and Chinks, and determined, ifpossible, to effect their release from unmerited imprisonment.

  With this object he went to his daughter in the afternoon of the daybefore the wedding, representing to her that it would be a graceful acton her part, and one likely to be popular with the people, if she wereto persuade the king to release his old ministers and their families,and invite them to be present at his approaching nuptials.

  Ophelia was somewhat vexed at the request. She hardly felt as yetsufficiently secure in her position to run any risks, and, although shewould have been glad enough to have aided in the release of the PrimeMinister and the Lord Chamberlain, an indefinable something seemed totell her that in the daughters of the two ministers she would findenemies who had better not be placed in any position in which theycould possibly do harm.

  She knew the power which jealousy has over the female mind--that is tosay, in Pigmyland, though, of course, in ordinary countries, such afeeling is unknown to the softer sex--and she feared she knew not what.However, she felt that it would be ungracious, as well as ungrateful,to refuse her father his first request, and she, therefore, toldFamcram that the prisoners must be released in order to be present atthe wedding next day. The king raised no objection, but did as he wastold, and orders were immediately sent to the dungeons for theliberation of the ex-ministers and their families, at which they were,of course, delighted; but some difficulty was experienced after theirrelease from prison, as to where they should go to, inasmuch as KingFamcram had appropriated all their property. As, however, theirrespective houses remained unoccupied, they were permitted to returnthither, and make themselves as comfortable as they could. The ladiesof the party were the worst off, and great were their complaints oftotal inability to appear in proper dresses at the festivities on theensuing day.

  Ophelia felt for their difficulty, and did all she could to remove it,supplying them with many articles of dress from her own wardrobe, andassuring them of her sincere sympathy for their sufferings in the past,and her readiness to promote their happiness in the future. So when themorning fixed for the royal marriage dawned, all seemed likely to gowell, and content reigned upon the face of every Pigmy.

  Owing to a conflagration which, at a subsequent period, destroyed allthe records in the public offices of that country, I am unable tosupply my readers with a full and accurate account of all the detailsof the interesting ceremony which united Ophelia to her royal husband.

  Various accounts were written and published at the time, but none ofthem by authority, and I am unwilling to trust to unauthorizednarratives when dealing with a subject of such immense importance. Thatwhich it most concerns us to know, however, is that the weddingactually took place, which fact having been o
nce ascertained, even theappearance of the bride and the dresses of the bridesmaids becomematters of comparatively little moment Of this great fact there ishappily no doubt.

  King Famcram was legally married to Ophelia Pigspud after the custom ofPigmy marriages, and the maiden was undoubtedly Queen of the Pigmies.Her first act was at once gracious and becoming. She caused Binks andChinks to be reinstated in their former offices, and arranged thatpecuniary compensation should be given them for the losses they hadsustained. Furthermore, she appointed Euphemia and Araminta Binks,together with the three daughters of the lord chamberlain, Asphalia,Bettina, and Paraphernalia, as her ladies in waiting, and promised tothem and to herself that the court should ever be made the scene ofgaieties and entertainments to which it had long been a stranger.

  But however good were the motives of Ophelia, however kind her feelingtowards these five young ladies, however pleasant her plans might haveappeared to them under other circumstances, I am sorry to say that theyneither believed in nor appreciated them.

  Feelings of jealousy had sprung up within their tender breasts, fromthe first moment that they had found Ophelia preferred to the thronebefore themselves. Possessed, as has been related, of beauty, wit, andfascination in different degrees, but in the case of each of them, asuperior degree to the generality of maidens, they felt that they had,each and all, as good a right to have shared the throne of Famcram asthe more fortunate damsel who had obtained that position.

  Instead, therefore, of being loyal to Ophelia, and grateful for herkindness towards them, they regarded her with envy and spite, and theirbeautiful faces but ill reflected the ugly feelings which occupiedtheir hearts. Ignorant of this, Ophelia had forgotten her first fearsand doubts upon the question of their release, and, unsuspicious ofevil, kept one or other of the maidens constantly near her.

  For a day or two all went well. The king kept in the same state oftorpor, and his passive obedience to his wife made him, in the generalopinion of Pigmy ladies, a model for all husbands. Ophelia, however,knowing the source from which her power was derived, kept her jaralways at hand, so that she might be able to have immediate recourse toit if the occasion should arise. It was not extraordinary that, underthese circumstances, her ladies in waiting should become acquaintedwith, and take notice of, the fact. It became, very shortly after theirappointment, a matter of conversation amongst them, and of wonder thatthe Queen should always carry about with her a common looking littlejar, of which they knew neither the use nor the contents.

  Paraphernalia, the youngest and prettiest of the Chinks family, wishedto ask a question about it outright, but the worldly wisdom of herelder sisters checked her, for they feared that their position at courtmight be imperilled by any forwardness or impertinence of the kind.

  Whether Ophelia, if asked, would have given such information, or atleast have dropped such hints, as might have prevented the occurrenceof the facts I am about to relate, cannot now be known. The opportunitywas not afforded her, and the five ladies in waiting remained inignorance upon the subject.

  On the third day after her marriage, Ophelia was to receive the ladiesof the court and such of the fairer portion of Pigmyland as desired tobe presented to her. She was richly arrayed in garments well suited tothe occasion, and looked right royal as she stood to receive herguests. The king, with meek and submissive gait, stood by her side, andnever had she looked more lovely or felt more triumphant. Resolved,however, to take care of safety as well as of appearance, she kept inher left hand the little jar, having a scarf lightly thrown over herarm and concealing it from view. It had not, however, escaped the sharpeyes of Paraphernalia Chinks, who determined in her own mind that theday should not pass by without her knowing something more about theevident mystery to which that jar related. The ladies in waiting were,naturally enough, near the queen, and stood looking on whilst those whowere presented to her majesty trooped by, making their reverentobeisances as they did so.

  After a while, Ophelia began to feel rather tired of bowing andsmiling, but still continued graciously to do so, until an elderly damein passing, tripped over her train and seemed in danger of falling. Thequeen made an involuntary movement forward as if to save her, and in sodoing happened to loosen her hold upon the jar in her left hand. At thevery same instant, Paraphernalia, who had been watching her opportunityall the time, started forward as if to assist her majesty, and, as ifby accident, gave a violent push to her left arm, when, sad to relate,the jar fell from her hand upon the marble pavement at her feet, andwas instantly broken in pieces.

  At the sight of the contents, which appeared to be ordinary jam, theladies-in-waiting could hardly restrain themselves from exclamations ofsurprise, and all the more so when they perceived the pallor whichimmediately overspread the countenance of the queen. But theirattention was at once directed to something else.

  Scarcely had the accident happened, and the jar slipped from Ophelia'sgrasp and met with the fate I have described, when a great andmarvellous change came over the appearance and demeanour of the king.No longer meek and subdued, his countenance flushed with rage, hissquinting appeared more furiously malicious than ever, and he stoodbefore the Court, not the obedient slave and husband, but once more thetyrant Famcram, restored to his former self.

  He passed his hand across his brow, as if to sweep away from him someunpleasant memories, and then glared fiercely around him for a minutewithout uttering a syllable. There was a dead silence. Everybody fearedsome dreadful outburst, and nobody knew what to expect.

  Then Famcram broke forth in fury--

  "What sorcery is here?" he cried. "What witchcraft has been going on?What drab is this whom I see beside me assuming a place as if she werequeen? Who are these over-dressed peacocks on every side? Toads,vipers, serpents! Ho, guards! away with them!" and again he looked withfrightful grimaces upon those who stood about him.

  Binks, Chinks, and Pigspud fell instantly on their knees, all in a row.The ladies-in-waiting, between trembling and fainting, did nothing forthe moment, whilst Ophelia, recognising at once that her power ofcompulsion was gone, resolved to make an instant appeal to the betterfeelings of the king.

  "Sire," she said, turning round and confronting him with dignity, "I amyour lawful queen. Three days ago you wedded me, and I share yourthrone. Pray let us govern with justice and mercy, and you shall neverhave cause to repent of having elevated me to this position."

  "Position! You! Throne! Queen! _Us_ govern!" shrieked Famcram at thetop of his voice, now perfectly beside himself with fury. "You fool!You idiot! You jackanapes! You witch! You vile creature! _You_ a queen,forsooth! Out upon your folly, that led you to try and deceive Famcram.Seize her, guards!" he continued; "seize the whole lot of them! Stripoff their fine robes, and away with them to the palace dungeons! Wewill soon see who is to be king and master here!"

  As he spoke, the obedient guards came forward; and, in spite of allthat Ophelia could do or say, stripped her of her ornaments, and cloakof rich fur, took from her head the crown with which the queens of thatcountry were always decorated on state occasions, and began to drag heraway.

  Famcram grinned with malicious spite as he saw her in the hands of hisrough attendants.

  "Ah!" said he, "this is _real_ jam, now!" and from these casual wordsof the king sprang an expression which has now become proverbial inthat country, indicating some special pleasure or remarkably gratifyingincident.

  Ophelia was not alone in her misfortune. Her five ladies-in-waitingwere all seized at the same time, their fine clothing taken from them,and themselves conveyed back again to the same dungeons which they hadpreviously occupied, and which the wretched Ophelia now shared withthem.

  Their behaviour to the fallen queen was, I am sorry to say, neitherladylike nor generous. Forgetful of the fact that it was to her theyhad owed their liberty, and that she had shown them all possiblekindness during her brief period of prosperity, they only rememberedthat it was through her discomfiture that they were themselvessuffering at the moment T
hey overwhelmed her with reproaches, in whichParaphernalia, herself the real cause of their joint misfortune, wasespecially forward, and not content with this, the three daughters ofChinks set upon her, cuffed her, scratched her, slapped her, pulled herhair, and vowed that they would do much worse before they had done withher.

  Paraphernalia went so far as to suggest cutting off all her hair, andspoiling her beauty by burning or otherwise marking her face; but theothers had hardly come to such a state of wickedness and malice asthis, although they joined in making the poor girl more miserable thanshe would otherwise have been, and showed a want of consideration andgood feeling which was much to be blamed.

  The discomfort and misery of all the ladies were, as may be supposed,considerable; nor was their condition at all improved by the news thatFamcram had resolved that the parents of the three families, Binks,Chinks, and Pigspud, should be executed in the public market placewithin three days. This news, conveyed to them by some of thoseofficious persons who always like to bring unpleasant tidings, if onlythat they may watch their effects upon the people they are likely tomake unhappy, plunged all six ladies into the deepest sorrow.

  Nor was the next piece of news at all calculated to lighten the burdenof affliction which weighed them down. Famcram sent a special messengerto inform the captives that they should all suffer the extreme penaltyof the law also. At first he had declared that they should be publiclywhipped in the square opposite the palace, and afterwards be beheaded,but upon an earnest representation being made to him by a deputationfrom the anti-flogging society, who were numerous in the city, heconsented to forego that part of the punishment, and to have them sewnup in sacks and thrown into the river, which was a form of punishmentmuch in vogue in that part of the world.

  Resolved, however, to make them suffer as much as possible, he directedthat their execution should take place upon the day preceding that oftheir fathers, and that the latter should be obliged to tie the mouthsof the sacks, and roll their own children into the water.

  The girls heard this doom with horror, but there was no way of avertingit. On the morning of the day on which the sentence was to be carriedinto effect, the daughters of Chinks became more furious than everagainst Ophelia, and declared that she ought to be scratched to deathin the dungeon, and not share the fate of honourable damsels likethemselves. But a better spirit had come over Euphemia and Araminta,the daughters of the late Prime Minister.

  They had felt some compunction at the treatment of Ophelia by theirfriends and prison companions, and had not joined in the personalattack which had been led by Paraphernalia. And when they rememberedhow Ophelia had behaved as queen, and saw how meekly she bore the cruelinsults now heaped upon her by the others, they spoke out boldly, andinterfered to prevent further violence.

  So the hours passed by until the afternoon arrived, and all six ladies,having a thick coarse white sheet cast round each of them, as if aboutto stand and do penance, were led forth from the palace dungeons andtaken to the appointed place of execution.

  Everything had been arranged under the direct orders of the tyranthimself. Marshalled two and two between their guards, the poor girlsfound that they had to pass through a crowd of gaping and staringpeople, and to walk over the mud and stones upon their bare feet.

  Their beauty attracted general notice, but Ophelia's form and bearingmade by far the greatest impression upon the bystanders.

  Side by side she walked by Euphemia Binks, but the latter's beauty wasentirely eclipsed by that of the late queen. The daughter of Pigspudwalked with a royal air--upright, majestic in figure, with a look ofresignation and yet contempt of fate--she excited an universal feelingof pity and admiration.

  Low murmurs were heard among the crowd, and whispers which, had theycome to Famcram's ears, would certainly have caused the whispererstrouble. The tyrant, however, was so much feared, and the loyalty ofPigmies is ever so devoted, even when their sovereign is one whom noone can love or respect, that no sign of an outbreak was shown.

  Slowly the mournful procession marched upon its way, until it reachedthe road leading directly to the river.

  At this moment the great cathedral bell began to toll, filling thehearts of those who heard it with a certain awful feeling impossible tobe described in words, which was increased in intensity when men inblack garments, with masks over their faces, appeared, carrying thesacks which were to be employed in the execution of the unhappymaidens.

  With a refinement of cruelty, the brutal tyrant had directed that theprocession should turn aside and pass through the hall of the ChiefJustice's house, so that Ophelia in her disgrace and misery, should bemade to look upon the place in which her recent but shortlived triumphhad occurred. So they marched into the house and through the greatbanqueting-room, and out into the gardens, and as they slowly descendedto the river, again the solemn deep death-warning clang of thecathedral bell sounded in their ears, and the girls knew that nowindeed their end was very near.

  Close to the spot which he had fixed for the execution, in amagnificent arm-chair upon a kind of temporary dais erected for theoccasion, sat Famcram himself, uglier than ever, with his crown uponhis head, and the famous sceptre in his hand. As the procession drewnear he arose from his chair, around which stood his principalcourtiers, whilst at a little distance might be observed the wretchedBinks, Chinks, and Pigspud, each guarded by two armed attendants.

  When the ladies had approached quite close to the king, he grinned uponthem with more than his usual malice, and began to sneer at and abusethem.

  "Is this our queen?" he asked in a jeering tone. "The queen that was toshare our throne, and it was to be 'us' who would govern, was it not?Poor wretch! the bed of the river will soon be your royal couch, andyou shall share it with the eels--if" (and here he grinned horribly)"they can make their way through the sack which will hold your lovelyform. _You_ to be queen, you nasty, staring, goggle-eyed vixen! Andhere come our Prime Minister's and Lord Chamberlain's children! Prettyducklings, you shall be sown up nice and tight, and your own fathersshall give you to the pike and the rats. Nice tender morsels for theseye will be!"

  To these taunts the poor girls made no reply, and the tyrant continuedto insult them, having ordered the procession to stand still for thepurpose. And still the great bell tolled on.

  They had stopped very near to the river, and now, at a signal from theking, the men clothed in black came forward with the sacks, the whitesheets were taken from the fair shoulders of the victims, and each wasthrust into her sack in the dishevelled garments she wore, and leftthere for a few moments until the unhappy fathers should perform theduties assigned to them.

  Up to this time Ophelia had kept silence. She despised the wretchedFamcram too much to condescend to answer his taunts. If death was to bemet, she would meet it like a true daughter of Pigspud, and her ancientlineage should never be disgraced by her behaviour.

  But, at this extreme moment, a ray of hope darted suddenly into herheart. Where was she? Upon the very spot where she had received themystic jar which had worked for her such wonders. The place was thesame--the hour, though not so late, was possibly not unpropitious, forthe sun was beginning to sink behind the higher buildings of the city.Was it impossible that the same power which had helped her before mightagain befriend her? The effort was at least worth making, and failurecould make matters no worse.

  So, even in the sack, before it was closed over her head, with enemiesseemingly all around, and death staring her in the face, Ophelia liftedup her head and looking towards the river, slowly pronounced thesewords.

  "Marley-quarley-pachel-farley-- Mansto macken furlesparley,-- Mondo pondo sicho pinto, Framsigalen hannotinto!"

  Everybody was surprised at the words and behaviour of the unfortunatelady.

  But what followed surprised them infinitely more. A curious whining,murmuring, incomprehensible sound came along the banks of the river,filling the hearts of those who heard it with a strange sense of fear,and a feeling that something wo
nderful was about to happen.

  The river, too, instead of flowing on in its usual quiet and majesticmanner, seemed perturbed in an extraordinary manner, and became asrough as the open ocean in a storm.

  By common consent everyone who was present stood as if struck by onefeeling of awe, which palsied and unfitted them for action. The men whowere supporting the sacks in which the unhappy maidens stood, shiveringwith fear, remained rooted to their places, and mingled fear and wondersat upon the faces of the people.

  Then slowly arose from the rushes by the waterside the same grotesquefigure which had once before held converse with Ophelia. The red cloak,the umbrella, the poke bonnet, the keen eye, were all there, and theold woman stood upon the bank within a very short distance of thesacks.

  She looked round upon the people as if rather surprised at seeing themthere, but appeared after a short time to have eyes only for Ophelia,upon whom she fixed her gaze attentively, and striking her umbrellaupon the ground accosted her in the following words:

  "What is it, Ophelia! and what do you fear That you've called your affectionate godmother here? Have matters gone wrong since you wanted me last? I fear that they have, as my eyes round I cast-- You haven't got on the same dress that you wore When you came down to see the old lady before-- And unless my old eyesight its certainty lacks You seem hampered and bound in the coarsest of sacks, And some other girls, too! in what sad plight you are; My darling; has aught gone amiss with the jar?"

  In a mournful voice Ophelia replied at once:--

  "Dear godmother! my woes are great, And miserable is my fate: The jar is broken! and I am Both 'out of luck' and 'out of' jam! This cruel tyrant, whom I wed (I would I'd been at Bath instead!) His senses managed to recover, And, now no more obedient lover, Used language really quite past bearing (He always _was_ too prone to swearing), Swore I no more his wealth should sponge on, And clapt me in a dirty dungeon. And then, his wrath no way abating, My ladies--five of them--in waiting He also sent there--scarce politely-- And tho' they've not behaved quite rightly, They scarcely have in crime abounded So much--as to be sacked--and drownded! Tho' if my throne I once were back in _I_ should have given _three_ a "sacking"-- But, godmother, see what I'm brought to! That naughty king!--he didn't ought to!"

  Ophelia sobbed aloud when she had concluded these words, which wereuttered somewhat incoherently, as if the poor girl was quite overcomeby her misfortune. But scarcely had she finished, when the old womanstrode up to the sack without another word, and drawing a large pair ofscissors from her belt, immediately cut it open in such a manner thatthe maiden was set free.

  Up to this time King Famcram had remained quiet, as if sharing in thegeneral fear and astonishment. No sooner, however, did he see that theold woman's purpose was to set free at least one of his prisoners, andthat the chief offender, than fear gave way to wrath, and he leaped upfrom his armchair in a tremendous passion.

  "Who is this?" he cried loudly, "who is this that interferes with theKing's sentence? Seize her, guards! Vile hag, you shall soon receiveyour deserts."

  But not a guard moved. Some power greater than that of Famcram seemedto restrain them, and the old woman quietly accomplished her taskwithout taking the slightest notice of anybody but Ophelia.

  When the latter was free, and standing by her side, she once more spokein the same masculine voice as at first, and smiling upon the maiden,thus addressed her:--

  "Tho' jars may be broken and jam may be spoiled, The plans of your godmother never are foiled, And power and good-will I must certainly lack Ere my favourite god-child be drowned in a sack. Yet if you desire it, my god-daughter sweet, These ladies of thine shall their recompense meet-- And since they've behaved, dear, so badly to thee, We'll give them a ducking--just say--shall it be!"

  Ophelia, who now began to feel sure that she was safe, was too muchrejoiced thereat to wish harm to anyone else, and in a few well chosenwords she begged her godmother not to be severe on the poor creatures,who, she was certain, would never do it again.

  She also told her of the better behaviour of the two daughters ofBinks, upon which the old lady cut their sacks open immediately, butcould hardly be restrained from punishing the others, especiallyParaphernalia, who cried like a great baby from sheer fright and beggedOphelia to forgive her. The godmother then took from her finger a ringwhich she held before Ophelia and addressed her in these words.

  "I give thee, my daughter, this emerald ring (Its colour, you see, is a wonderful green), And tho' you may lose your detestable king You still shall be owned as the Pigmy-land queen. Reign long and be happy--through many bright days, May all your past troubles your happiness prove, And would you be safe--hear what godmother says, Be kind to your people, and govern by love!"

  As she said these words the old woman placed the ring upon Ophelia'sfinger, and smiled upon her in an affectionate manner.

  At this moment Famcram's rage grew beyond all bounds. He literallyfoamed at the mouth with fury--both at the scene which was beingenacted before his eyes, and the unwillingness or impotence of hisguards to help him. He yelled out to them again at the top of hisvoice, whilst his red hair seemed to blaze with fury as he whirled hissceptre round his head.

  "Seize the vile witch, I say!" he shouted. "Who dares to talk of anyone reigning here while Famcram lives? Seize her and burn her! Varlets!Will none of ye stand by your king?"

  With these words the king jumped from the dais on which he had beensitting, and rushed forward himself, calling loudly to his guards tocome on.

  But his cries were to no purpose--every man stood rooted to the ground,and not a hand was lifted to help the tyrant. Then the smile left theface of the old woman, and she turned from Ophelia to face the king. Hepaused, as she raised her hand and pointed at him with her umbrella,while she spoke again in the same voice as before. And these were herwords:--

  "Thou slayer of women, disgrace to thy line, The vengeance is near--be thy punishment mine-- You wished my dear god-child in river to drown. No, no, tyrant Famcram, _this_ time you're 'done brown!'"

  She had no time for more, for, overcoming his fear or whatever hadhitherto restrained him, the little tyrant rushed upon her.

  The old woman now adopted a most curious course. Dropping her umbrellaupon the ground, she made no more ado, but seized Famcram the moment hewas within reach, wrenched his sceptre from him, and shook himseverely.

  He struggled, bit, kicked and yelled, but it was all in vain. Thatfearful grasp was upon him, against which twenty times his strength hadbeen of no avail.

  The fight, if such indeed it could be called, was soon over. Thewretched creature writhed in the hands of his enemy, who shook him toher heart's content, and then, raising him with apparent ease by thescruff of the neck, calmly placed him in the sack from which she hadjust liberated her goddaughter.

  In spite of his continued struggles, she swiftly tied the mouth of thesack in a knot, which she managed to make; and then, without a wordmore, good, bad, or indifferent, descended the bank, threw in the sack,and sat down upon it.

  OPHELIA.--P. 280]

  To the surprise of the people, instead of sinking, the sack floatedaway into the midst of the river, which boiled and surged around it, sothat every now and then it went down, and then came up again in sightof the crowd--the old woman keeping her seat upon it all the time, andsmiling grimly as she bobbed up and down in a manner which would havemade many respectable old ladies of my acquaintance feel remarkablyunwell. No such effect, however, was produced upon the old woman, andshe apparently enjoyed the whole thing very much.

  When they first left the bank, stifled screams were heard issuing fromthe sack, but these soon died away, and it was plain enough that thewretched Famcram must have been very speedily drowned.

  In a little while the old woman and the sack had floated out of sight,and the people began to recov
er somewhat from their amazement. Thenoccurred another marvellous thing.

  The river suddenly rose in several places, in the form of a waterspout,and came dashing over the crowd. But the extraordinary part of it wasthat whilst it drenched and half drowned the black executioners and allFamcram's particular friends, Ophelia and those who were on her sidewere not touched by it. The courtiers and guards of Famcram turned andfled. Then, after a short pause, the three late ministers, Binks,Chinks, and Pigspud came forward together and knelt at Ophelia's feet.Binks was the spokesman of the party.

  "Madam," he said, "after what has just happened, we cannot doubt that ahigher power than ours has designated you as our queen. I am sure thatI speak in the name of all that is great, good and powerful inPigmyland, when I ask you to reign over us in the place of him who hasproved himself so unworthy to do so."

  Ophelia replied at once:--"Rise, sir," she said, "and you too, dearfather, for it is not meet that you should kneel before your child.There might, doubtless, have been found worthier sovereigns for ourcountry, but since Fate has thus decreed it, I accept the positionwhich is offered."

  As soon as the words were out of her mouth, loud shouts of joy brokeforth from the surrounding people. At a sign from Ophelia, the otherdamsels were all set free, and they now came and stood humbly beforeher, expressing in meek and lowly tones their deep contrition for theoffences they had committed against her.

  Paraphernalia was especially vehement in her expressions of regret,vowing that she had always entertained the greatest affection forOphelia, and that if some demon had not possessed her, she should neverhave acted as she had done. Her sisters made various protestations ofthe same sort, whilst Euphemia and Araminta stood with blushing cheeksand downcast eyes awaiting the queen's decision.

  Ophelia did not keep them long in suspense. She told the two daughtersof the Prime Minister that she freely forgave them all that hadoccurred, being satisfied that it was not from them or their hostilitythat it arose. Moreover, they had been the playmates of her childhood,and she should wish still to retain them about her person. She told thedaughters of the Lord Chamberlain, however, that she must take adifferent course with them.

  At these words Asphalia, Bettina, and Paraphernalia burst into adreadful howl, and the latter threw herself at the feet of Ophelia andendeavoured to kiss them. But the queen bade her arise, and told herthat she and her sisters need not fear that the commencement of herreign would be sullied by the infliction of any severe punishment uponthose who had been her companions in misfortune.

  Upon this Paraphernalia turned joyous again, and began vociferously toexpress her thanks, but was again stopped by the royal lady.

  "I cannot have about my court," she said, "persons who have behaved asyou have done, nor indeed can I retain you in my service. I wish that Icould have done so for your father's sake, but he must himselfacknowledge that it is impossible. Out of respect to him I will onlycondemn Asphalia and Bettina to be confined to the limits of the citywalls for a year, and during that time they will be forbidden to attendmy court. As for Paraphernalia, she must be banished from Pigmylandaltogether, until I shall have proofs--which I much doubt my everreceiving--of her entire reformation of character."

  At this decision the unhappy Paraphernalia raised a shrill scream andfell fainting upon the ground, but was speedily carried off by theattendants. Her sisters, who felt that they had deserved, and fullyexpected, to share her fate, returned thanks to Ophelia for her greatclemency, and vowed to lead such lives as should convince her of theirundying loyalty and sincere devotion to her throne and person.

  These professions the queen received with a gracious inclination of thehead, and expressed her hope that they might prove to be founded on atrue desire on the part of the damsels to repent of the past and dobetter for the future. She then turned to her father and requested thathe, Binks, and Chinks would again resume their former offices, andrender her their best assistance in carrying on the government of thecountry.

  To this the three statesmen readily assented, having, in fact, desirednothing better. Ophelia in the first place directed them to prepare aproclamation, announcing her accession to the throne, and herdetermination to govern upon constitutional principles, which, being ahigh sounding phrase, and one which nobody exactly understood,naturally gave great satisfaction.

  One or two discontented people did indeed whisper that as theconstitution of Pigmyland had always been a pure despotism, Opheliaonly meant to say that she should rule as other Pigmy kings and queenshad ruled before her. These murmurs, however, were soon silenced, andthis the more effectually when the queen issued the next day a secondproclamation, in which she gave free pardon to all those who hadsupported Famcram in his late acts of tyranny, provided they would atonce acknowledge her as their sovereign and obey her authority.

  Some people indeed objected to this proclamation, on the ground thatthose who had obeyed Famcram, whether he had been right or wrong, wereonly acting in accordance with the country's laws in carrying out theorders of their lawful sovereign (which he undoubtedly was), andrequired no pardon at all.

  But these people, again, were held to be mere cavillers and idletalkers, and so general was Ophelia's popularity that whatever shemight have chosen to make the subject of a proclamation would have beenhailed with delight by her loving and loyal subjects.

  She ascended the throne under the happiest auspices: the good-will ofher people filled her heart with happiness and strengthened thestability of her throne, whilst her great talents secured for herkingdom the blessings of good government, her many virtues afforded abright example to all her subjects, and her reign was throughout, thatwhich it promised at the first to become, an era of unmixed happinessand prosperity to Pigmyland.