by Elouise East
Alex’s hand covered his open mouth, not believing what Logan said. “Fucking hell. And there was nothing on record from before?” He stared at Logan.
Logan shook his head, glancing back at him. “No. The guy hadn’t pressed charges at the time. He left the area. It was when we investigated Darren’s past, we found he’d had another long-term boyfriend. We decided to check on the ex. Once we told the guy Darren had done it again, he was willing to help.”
Alex was silent. “I saw Craig last week.”
“He mentioned he’d seen you.” Logan narrowed gaze spoke volumes.
“We bumped into each other in the restaurant at the hospital after Craig’s appointment. I didn’t go searching him out!”
Logan’s expression smoothed out. “I know, I’m sorry. I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”
Alex sat back in his chair. “I need another beer.”
“My turn.” Logan stood and headed to the bar.
“He means well.” Casey gave a small smile.
“I know. I guess I don’t trust myself.”
Casey leaned towards him across the table. “You are an honourable man, Alex. You won’t do anything to hurt Craig. I know you won’t. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts.”
“I wish I could.” Alex had always trusted his instincts, until his last relationship, if he could call it that.
Alex had been covering in A&E when a guy was brought in unconscious with severe bruising around his neck. They worked on him steadily, getting in an IV for fluids and patching him up as best they could.
When the guy woke, he gave his name, Grayson, and explained that his boyfriend had strangled him. Alex stepped in to help the guy through the police procedures and counselling sessions and anything else Grayson needed. Grayson clung to Alex: overwhelmingly happy when Alex was around; depressed and remote when Alex wasn’t., he’d been told.
Alex developed an attraction to Grayson, which was reciprocated, and once Alex’s part in the case was over, they embarked on a relationship.
Everything seemed perfect for a few months. Until Grayson asked Alex to hit him during sex. Alex didn’t mind smacking asses with the best of them, but Grayson was not happy with that. He needed more. Grayson brought in a paddle one day, and Alex refused point-blank.
“I need it to get off, Alex!”
“You’ve never had trouble before?” Alex had no idea where this was coming from. Their sex had been phenomenal as far as he was concerned.
“Did you ever see how tight I had to hold my cock to be able to come!” Grayson shouted, arms swinging wildly.
Alex stared at him, seeing a stranger. “I can’t do it, Grayson. I won’t.”
“Fuck you, Alex! At least Vance had been able to give me more of what I needed!” he screamed, getting into Alex’s face.
Alex lost his cool. “What? You need your boyfriend to strangle you, do you?”
“Vance didn’t do it! I did! He couldn’t take the heat of erotic asphyxiation. I had to take it into my own hands.”
Alex silently gaped at Grayson, realising he had been duped. Grayson had pretended to be what Alex needed before returning to what Grayson alone needed.
“Sorry, Grayson. We’re done.”
Alex spoke to the officers at the police station, giving a statement about what Grayson had said. He couldn’t bear the thought of this Vance guy being arrested for something he may not have done.
Since that day, Alex had never trusted his instincts without double-checking things first. If he had trusted them, Craig’s injuries might not have been as severe. It was also the reason why he shied away from relationships. Until now.
Alex returned home, more than a little tipsy, if his staggering steps were anything to go by. He’d enjoyed the hours with Casey and Logan, especially when Logan’s friend, Trent, arrived with his friends in tow. Alex had met Max, Sean, Asher, Ethan and Zak, and what had followed had been an enjoyable night at Crush. Alex didn’t usually like going out when it was busy, neither did Casey, but as he’d told Logan earlier that night, they’d both needed to let off steam. And those guys had been the ones to help. He didn’t think he’d laughed so hard in his life.
Dropping to his bed, he tried to summon the energy to have a shower but decided it could wait. Fully dressed, he laid on his side. Sleep claimed him seconds later.
Chapter 18
Craig
Craig pushed the trolley down the aisle, scanning the shelves for some inspiration to fill his empty cupboards. The first time he had done this, he’d been overwhelmed by how busy it was; he’d done a quick shop and left as soon as he could. He hadn’t remembered the crowds from when he’d shopped with Darren. Craig had done this half a dozen times now, if not more, and it was getting easier. Amanda had told him the best times to shop when the masses wouldn’t be as bad. Not that he minded hordes of people, but after not shopping for several years, it took some getting used to.
He threw in some pasta and perused the sauces. He could make sauce from scratch but having some ready-made ones in the cupboard might be good for when he worked later than planned.
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
Craig balked, and he paused, hand outstretched towards a jar as he whipped his head around to the voice. His pulse increased, his hands clenched into fists, dropping to his sides, and a weight squeezed his chest. He wheeled around to face the newcomers. Craig identified them immediately, having seen them before—Nelson, Darren’s friend from the night out Darren and he had gone on early in their relationship, and a guy from Darren’s gym.
Adrenaline flooded his system; he wasn’t sure whether to turn tail and run or stay motionless. Craig imagined this was what a zebra felt like being caught in the trap of a lion. He swallowed, trying to remove the dryness.
One of the guys stalked forward, crowding Craig against the shelves to his back. “Darren did nothing wrong, and you know it!” The guy’s gaze roamed from Craig’s head to toe and back, a sneer on his face. “Never knew what he saw in you. But I know he wouldn’t hurt anybody. What do you get out of saying all these lies?”
Craig chanced a quick glance at the other guy, who was enclosing any escape route, and saw a similar expression on his face before flicking his gaze back. “Nothing.” Craig was powerless to do anything to prevent these guys from hurting him.
“What do you mean ‘nothing’? Why are you telling the police this crap, then?” The guy frowned, thoroughly confused, it seemed.
Craig stood up straighter, jaw clenching, mouth tight. No. He was not powerless. The guy’s eyes flickered as he was forced to step back.
“He. Beat. Me.” Craig’s cheeks flamed as he forced the words through his teeth, scared if he relaxed, they would chatter with how cold he felt.
“He wouldn’t do—”
“Yes, he did!” Craig ‘s voice rose, garnering attention from other customers who were physically staying away from the confrontation, but too nosey not to listen. “But you’re obviously a bully, too. You’re bound to take his side.”
Craig pushed the trolley forward, allowing him space to leave. Every part of him shook as he exited the supermarket and sat in his car. He didn’t allow himself time to calm, he started the engine and drove home. Locking himself in the house, he retrieved his phone from his pocket and dialled Amanda.
Through palpitations and shallow breathing, he was able to leave a message when she didn’t answer. Putting his phone back in his pocket, he grasped the sides of his head and slid to the floor, trying not to hyperventilate. When his elbows rested on his bent knees, he shuddered as sweat dripped down his back at the same time as tears fell down his face.
Was he wrong? Did he deserve the beatings Darren had given him? Darren always took care of him, why would that be any different? Had he ruined a perfectly good relationship because he didn’t understand Darren was trying to help him?
Craig started when his phone rang, and he dug it out of his pocket. “Hello?”
“Craig?” Amanda’s voice broke him, and he sobbed. “Craig? Are you safe? I need to know you’re safe before we continue this conversation.”
“Yes. I’m at home.” That’s what he tried to say, but whether it came out properly, he had no idea.
“Good. You’re doing okay, Craig. You’re strong. Let it out.” Amanda’s words continued in his ear as he succumbed to the emotional overload his body had received.
Craig had no idea how long he’d been on the phone when he finally managed to get himself under control. He used his sleeve to wipe his face before taking a deep breath. “I’m okay.”
“Yes, you are. Now, tell me what happened.” Amanda listened as Craig related everything from the supermarket. “Well done, Craig. You stood up to them because you know you are right, and they are wrong. They either don’t know Darren that well or are the same as he is.”
“I second-guessed myself again.” Craig rubbed his hand across his forehead.
“What do you mean?”
Craig sniffed and swallowed. “Before you rang, I was asking myself if I was wrong about Darren. Had I imagined it all?”
“You didn’t imagine the injuries, Craig.”
“No, not that. But Darren might have been looking out for me, and this was his way of doing it?” Craig hadn’t meant to end on a question.
“No, Craig. Darren is a bully. End of. You didn’t deserve any injury you received from him.”
“But he was always apologetic afterwards.” Craig eyed the area where the glass cabinet used to stand and the beautiful glass paperweights he’d been given. “He always apologised the same way, despite not saying the words.”
“How did he apologise?” Amanda asked.
“With a glass paperweight and making love.” Craig’s throat was thick with unshed tears. “Was I wrong?”
“Craig. Listen to me.” He focused on Amanda’s words, firm in his ear. “You are not to blame. You did nothing wrong. Darren hurt you when he should have taken care of you. No one has the right to hurt you, regardless of their intentions.” Craig shuddered an exhale. “You are strong, Craig. Don’t let those guys get inside your head. Darren’s mental games will be with you for a while, but we can unpick everything he did. You need to believe in yourself. Be true to what you know and feel. Soon, he will have no hold on you whatsoever.”
Craig rested his head back against the door, worn out from the stress. “Thank you, Amanda.”
“You’re welcome, Craig. It’s going to take time. And you will need constant reminders that you are in the right. But tonight, I want you to relax. Don’t work because it will hide your thoughts. You need to let them free, relax. Write down whatever comes to mind, no matter what it is. If it becomes too overwhelming for you, stop. But try to get it down. We can work through it tomorrow at our appointment.”
“Alright.”
“Relax and get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow. And as always, ring me if you need me, regardless of the time.” Amanda was an angel; Craig was sure of it. Whenever he spoke to her, he felt all was right in the world. It was when he was left to his own thoughts and emotions that things went wrong.
Craig hung up after saying goodbye and assuring her he would call if needed. He sat on the floor, head and back resting against the door, legs splayed out in front of him, arms heavy against his lap as he stared down the hallway. Struggling to get himself moving, Craig staggered to the bathroom. A bath was what he needed.
He set his phone on the toilet seat next to him and submerged himself in the warm water, trying to wash away the last cobwebs of emotion. Raising his head above the water, Craig rested it back against the edge of the bath and dried his hands on a towel. He set his phone to record audio and dictated his thoughts; it might be easier than writing them down.
The more emotions Craig identified as he spoke, the madder he got. He’d been through a wide variety of reactions: scared of the large angry men; confusion over second-guessing himself; nervous and peering over his shoulder to see if more people were angry with him; furious that he knew he was right and had been stupid to think otherwise because he knew Darren had done it to someone else, and tired. Fucking tired of being messed up.
Amanda had been right about one thing. Getting it all out had helped him relax further. The anger from what he’d been through had receded. Craig added more hot water to the cooling bath and settled in for a bit longer.
The ripples in the water caressed his cock, perking it up as arousal flowed through Craig. He moved gently in the water, encouraging the ripples to become larger and faster and skimming around his cock. He closed his eyes and slid a hand between his legs, rubbing his fingers between his balls and his hole, his shaft becoming harder and standing up out of the water.
Craig grasped his dick, giving a stroke and choked back a cry as his back bowed. Water sluiced across his skin, and he swiped a finger across the tip of his cock before sliding his hand back down. His other hand found his opening and pressed forward. Keening sounds reverberated around the bathroom as both hands kept rhythm: one fucking his ass, the other making short strokes on his cock.
Craig’s heartrate increased the closer he came to his peak. His muscles tensed, and his hand increased its speed, making smaller motions, concentrating on the nerves beneath his hood and adding a twist.
His balls drew up, and his climax crept closer until Alex’s face appeared behind his closed eyelids. His muscles contracted as he exploded, his come landing on his heaving chest as Craig continued to stroke until he was too sensitive.
Relaxing back, he smiled, not sure if this was the relaxing Amanda had in mind but enjoying the aftermath, nonetheless. Until he remembered Alex.
“Fuck!” Craig’s cheeks singed with heat. “What did I do?” He rubbed a hand across his forehead before sighing.
He climbed out of the bath after releasing the plug and towelled himself off. Gripping his phone, he exited the bathroom and sat under the covers of the bed once he’d grabbed a notepad and pen. He picked his phone up and saw he hadn’t stopped the recording. Shit. He groaned. Now he had audio of him orgasming. Fantastic. Luckily, he could delete it once he’d transcribed what else he had said.
Writing out what he’d said took a while, and he was about to delete the recording when his first moan came from the speaker. Scrunching up his nose, he hesitated but, curious to know what he sounded like when he came, he sat and listened. His cock grew hard as the gasps, groans and whimpers came through loud and clear. When he climaxed on the recording, his cock was weeping with precome, but he refused to jack off to the sounds of his own orgasm.
He deleted the recording and placed his phone on the bedside table. Uncomfortable as he was, he nestled down to sleep.
****
Craig left the session with Amanda with an easy, unhurried walk and a satisfied sigh. Amanda had helped to unravel his ramblings from the previous night, which included his issues with being in certain areas of his house. She had suggested a change of scenery and asked where he felt comfortable. Craig had instinctively replied, “here,” meaning the hospital, which was a surprise to them both, but something he may take advantage of in a few days to trial it.
This session had been a revelation, and he was ready to face the world. Well, the supermarket, if nothing else.
He glanced around him as he meandered through the corridors, waving to a nurse he remembered from his time there and entered the lift. As he strode for the exit, his mood lowered, and disappointment filled him instead. As the brush of fresh air caressed his face, he understood he’d been expecting to bump into Alex and was upset when he hadn’t seen him.
Frowning and clenching his jaw, he pulled out his phone.
“Hi, Mum. I was wondering if I could come and stay for a few days?”
“Of course, you can. You don’t need to ask. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I need a breather.” Craig hated lying to his mother, but it would appease her and impede any inquiring questions.
�
�Sure. When are you arriving?” His mother sounded happy, and he couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll be there tonight if that’s alright?”
“Of course! Will you be here in time for dinner?” she asked.
“No, go ahead. I’ll pick up something on my way.”
“See you soon, sweetheart.”
“Bye, Mum.”
Craig sighed. Amanda would say he was running away, and he probably was. But he needed to get his brain back to fully functional before he could figure out what was happening with his feelings for Alex. He obviously had some. But what were they? Gratitude? Desire? Longing? Appreciation? Or, god forbid, love? He had no idea.
Chapter 19
Alex
Alex scanned the corridors, absentmindedly, as he scurried along, visiting his patients. He peered at every face, checked every lope and listened to every voice. Each time, disappointment flooded his system, his shoulders slumped, and he shook his head. After several weeks of not seeing Craig, some days because he had not been working, he would’ve thought he’d have forgotten about him. Nope.
Distracting himself, he dropped several files onto the nurses’ station desk and flipped through to find the one he needed before heading back down the corridor once more. He must walk miles in a day, he could get one of those fitness watches to find out exactly what his step count was. He rolled his eyes. Why he needed one of those, he had no idea.
Arriving at the door he required, he knocked, knowing the occupier was not with a patient because the “in session” slider was blank.
A voice called for him to enter, and he did, head peeking around the door first to ensure he wasn’t disturbing her.
“Dr Wick. What can I do for you today?” Amanda asked.
“Hey, Dr Bagworth. I have a patient I would like to discuss with you if you have time?” Alex knew Amanda counselled on a variety of subjects, some more specialised than others, and he needed to know if this was a patient she could take on.
