by Jessica Marx
“Hey.” I smile and try to sound cheerful. “Where you headed?”
“Just going to AGR for a fun afternoon of paperwork,” he replies.
“Oh. Sounds like fun.”
“I have to get going,” he says. “I got a bit of a late start, and it took me a while to get out of bed. Are you working tonight?”
“Yup. Maybe I’ll see you later?”
“Probably. I have to start getting my things together.”
I try not to visibly flinch. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you later, then,” I say, holding back tears. I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together for the next few days.
“Later sis,” Ryan replies and walks off in the opposite direction.
I walk into the building and up the flights of stairs. I start thinking about living here alone. I don’t want a new roommate. The reason I chose to ask Ryan to move in with me was because he made me feel safe. Ryan has always been my “go-to” guy for everything. What was I going to do without him?
I have to focus on how amazing this is for Ryan instead of how awful it is for me. I need to be there for him, like a good sister would… Like I know he would be there for me. I walk through the quiet apartment and glance again at the Christmas tree. I guess when we were buying and decorating it, somewhere in the back of my head I imagined us making a tradition of it. I don’t think there will ever again be a Christmas that won’t remind me of this one.
I continue on to my room to change and get ready for a long night behind the bar. I have no desire to go to work, or anywhere, for that matter. I’m supposed to work all weekend, but I have to see what I can do to change that. I should spend whatever time I can with Ryan, even though it hurts.
I put on my coat and leave for my shift the bar. I talk myself into my role for the night—happy bartender. I’ve done it before, and I will do it again tonight, even though I’m dying inside.
The night drags on, and I find myself checking the time way too often. None of my regulars are here, which is good. I can pretend to be happy for strangers, but doing it for people who actually care is more difficult. It’s easy to get lost in a role when no one realizes you’re playing one.
I have everything cleaned and ready to close before last call and I offer to leave first. I usually don’t mind staying, so everyone else seems fine with it. I leave a note for my manager that I have a “situation” and would like tomorrow and Saturday night off, or at least one of them. Of course, it’s our busiest nights of the week, so it will depend on who can cover me. There is no way I’m coming in—I need to be with Ryan.
I make it home in record time. I’m looking forward to spending a little time with Ryan if he’s not already asleep. As I unlock the door, I hear voices; Ryan must have company. I’m a little upset, although I have no right to be. He is leaving, and I’m sure he wants to see his friends. I don’t want to share, but I don’t have a choice. He’s not mine, and even if he was, I wouldn’t deprive him of seeing his buddies. I put on a smile as I open the door.
“Hey! It’s Eve. Welcome home, woman,” Ryan greets me.
“What’s happening, hot stuff?” Tony says.
They sound like they’ve been drinking. This should be entertaining, at least.
“You guys sound like you’re having a good time,” I reply with a smirk. They are sitting at the kitchen table with several beer bottles in front of them.
“Always,” Ryan answers. “We’re just reminiscing a little. Tony doesn’t think I’m ever coming back to New York.”
Tony snorts. “Hell, no. With all the Hollywood pussy this guy is gonna get? He’s never looking back.”
Yup. This is entertaining. Maybe spending the night reminiscing with the boys is not where I need to be. I’m not sure how long I can fake this happy mood, if this is how the conversation is going to go.
“Maybe I’ll let you boys hang out. I’m pretty tired, anyway,” I say, walking into the kitchen for a glass of water.
“No way,” Ryan protests. “I only have a few days left. There’s no time for sleeping. Have a seat.” He kicks a chair out from under the table for me to sit in and pushes a beer my way.
“I don’t know. This sounds like guy talk,” I hesitantly reply, not wanting to intrude, or more importantly, hear about all the starlets Ryan is going to bang.
“Come on. Sit down, woman,” Ryan jokes, smiling up at me.
“You’re just like one of the guys, Eve,” Tony replies.
I arch a brow. “Really, Tony?”
“You know, minus the stellar tits and ass,” he answers.
“You are high-class, Tony,” I say with a smile. I know he doesn’t mean to be so crass all the time. It’s just who he is. He can't help it.
I give in and sit down. I’m happy to spend some time with Ryan, and even Tony, since I don’t know how often he’ll be coming around once Ryan leaves. I just have to suck it up and put on a smile. As happy as I am now, in this moment, every time I think about what is to come, tears start to well in my eyes again.
Ryan fills me in on everything that went on today. There are definitely some details missing, but I’m sure the alcohol is to blame for that. He starts talking about how much he loves New York and his new life in the city. He shyly admits his fear of leaving here and being so far from his friends.
“I love you guys,” Ryan says. I know it’s not my imagination that he looks me right in the eyes when he says it.
“We love you too, bro,” Tony replies.
“What about you? Do you love me? Are you gonna miss me?” Ryan fires questions at me. It’s like Tony isn’t in the room. Drunk people are always so honest and open. They make it hard for the sober people in the room.
“Of course I love you,” I say, trying to sound friendly. “And of course I’m going to miss you, Ryan. Who else would climb three flights of stairs to live in a shoebox with me?”
“One day, after I make this movie, we’re going to have a big place and you will never have to walk up all those stairs again,” Ryan assures me.
“Pretty sure if you’re making that kind of cash, you’re not going to need a roommate anymore,” Tony interrupts. “No offense, Eve,” he quickly adds.
I’m reeling over what he just said. Is Ryan planning on coming back for me? Does he think we’re going to have a future together? Why did he wait until now to tell me all of this? I’m not sure if he even knows what he’s saying—he’s pretty wasted. He probably won’t remember any of it anyway.
“Hopefully, I will be making that kind of cash,” Ryan replies. “What if the movie sucks, or it gets shitty reviews? I’ll be stuck doing late-night infomercials or laughed out of Hollywood with tail between my legs.”
“Dude. You’re going to be in a movie,” Tony says. “A movie. Who cares what people say? You get paid, you get pussy, and shit will happen. No doubt.”
“I actually agree with Tony,” I chime in. “Not only are you in a movie, but you have a huge role. This could be big, Ryan. It is big.” I’m thankful for the subject change, but my mind is still focused on Ryan’s statement about buying us a big house. Why would he say something like that?
“That’s what she said,” Tony says, and we all laugh.
The subject changes again, and I actually have more fun than I thought I would. My mood is better since I got home. Maybe I just need to be around Ryan until he leaves—it seems to ease a lot of my heartache. When we’re not together, I just think about him not being here and it makes me sad.
We’ve been talking for so long that it’s well into the middle of the night. I guess this is how things will be for the next few days until Ryan goes. I’m exhausted, so I say goodnight and walk to my room. I don’t know how long the boys stay up, but I have no trouble falling right to sleep.
Chapter 41
I wake up on the late side Friday morning, which is good. I needed a goodnight’s sleep. I hear Ryan in the shower when I amble out of the bedroom, so I pour a cup of coffee and sit at the kitchen table. A
couple of minutes later, Ryan comes barging out in a towel. He’s startled when he sees me sitting there.
“Shit. You scared me, Eve.”
“Sorry. Where are you rushing off to?” I ask.
“AGR. They need me to come in again. I don’t know how they expect me to be ready to leave on Monday if they keep asking me to do more stuff over there,” he mutters.
I can’t help but stare at him in his towel. Not like I’ve never seen him like that before, but something about today is different. It could be because I think I love him that I’m looking at him in a new light. Ryan’s body is very toned and he has nice, olive skin. His dark hair is all wet and hanging around his face, instead of its usual style. My eyes wander downward to his chiseled abs and then continue to his Adonis belt, and I get a sudden urge to rip off his towel. I’ve never had this feeling about Ryan before, but I like it.
“Are you okay?” he asks me when I don’t reply.
“Me? Yeah,” I say startled. “Just tired.”
“Me too. We were up pretty late last night. Will you be home tonight? I gotta get going.”
“Not sure. I asked for the night off, but haven’t heard yet,” I reply trying not to look at anything other than his face.
“Okay. Well, maybe if you don’t, I’ll come by for a drink,” he offers.
“Sure. Cool.”
Ryan walks into his room and closes the door to get dressed. I exhale without realizing I had been holding my breath. Shit. After all these years, I have never looked at Ryan the way I’ve been these last few days... I mean, ok, maybe there were a couple of times when we first met, but we just hit it off so well that I quickly made him off limits. Now I have to hide my sadness and disappointment about him leaving on top of my possible love and sexual attraction to him. I consider myself a strong woman, but that’s a lot to handle, even if he will only be here for a couple more days.
I send my manager a text to see if he got my message about taking the weekend off. Ryan comes out of his room, looking gorgeous after only a few minutes of preparation. He is dressed in dark jeans and a white t-shirt. He is buttoning up a casual collared shirt over it as he enters the kitchen, and I find myself staring again. At this point, I’m watching him partly because of how hot he looks, and partly in disbelief that I’m seeing him this way.
My phone buzzes and it’s my manager letting me know I have to work today, but can have off tomorrow. I’m bummed, but there’s really nothing I can do it about it, so I will have to suck it up.
“What’s wrong?” Ryan asks while he puts on his coat. He must notice the disappointed look on my face.
“I have to work tonight,” I tell him. “I was hoping I’d be able to hang out with you.”
“That sucks. No worries, though. Tomorrow night, it’s just me and you.”
“Oh? Where’s everyone else gonna be?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I just figured a quiet night at home with you would be cool. I figured you could help me pack and stuff, anyway.” He glances at the time. “I have to get out of here. I’m going to be late. Maybe I’ll stop by for a drink or something later.”
“Sure,” I reply, “Good luck.”
Ryan leaves for the studio and I am alone with my thoughts again. I’m touched that Ryan wants some time to say goodbye, for whatever that’s worth, but if we are going to be alone tomorrow night, I don’t know if I can handle that. I have to help him pack. I will try to keep myself together, but I have a feeling I’m going to be a mess. I think in that situation, though, it will be understandable.
I get up from the table and decide to get ready for my day. I elect to work out, which helps calm me down when I feel like this. I sense I’ll be exercising a lot in the coming months, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
After I finish, I shower and get ready for work. At least if I’m not spending time with Ryan, I’ll be making some money. I’ll be happy if he stops in, but I won’t get my hopes up.
I bundle up and walk outside to find that it’s snowing out. Just some flurries, but still. I love the city in the snow; it seems so peaceful and quiet.
I walk to the bar and I’m greeted by the warm air. I notice Ken sitting at the bar already. He must be starting Happy Hour early today. I put my belongings in the back room and get settled in behind the bar.
“Hello, Eve,” he says.
“Hey Ken. What brings you in so early today?”
“Just decided to get my weekend started early. I don’t have a drink yet,” he hints at me.
“No one helped you?” I ask.
“Nah, just got here a few minutes ago,” he says, “and you’re the only one who knows how I like my drink.”
“It’s a beer, Ken. it’s pretty easy to make,” I tease him.
“Yes. But you know how I like it,” he says with a smile.
I laugh. “You’re crazy. Maybe you aught to introduce a little variety into your life,” I reply, filling a chilled glass from the tap.
“Nah. Not my thing,” he replies. “Still waiting for one special lady to notice me.”
“Well, I hope she does. You’re sweet, and you deserve a good woman.” I know he’s talking about me, but there is no way I’m getting into that conversation with him—or that situation. Fraternizing with customers is a big no-no. Not that I would. He might be a nice guy, but Ken isn’t my type.
I continue to help the other patrons, and as early evening approaches, the crowd thickens and the music gets louder. I talk to Ken intermittently while he eats dinner at the bar and I serve some others. I notice Ryan’s face by the entrance and I light up. I didn't think he would be coming in, and I’m so happy he’s here. He’s flanked by Adam and another guy who I don’t think I’ve ever met. They walk over to the bar and push their way to the counter.
“Hey, barkeep,” Ryan yells with a smile.
“Seriously?” I reply, walking over. It’s busy, and as much as I’d like to, I don’t have much time to chat.
“Just wanted your attention.” Ryan smiles, and for a moment, I melt.
“You got it. Now, what can I do you for?”
“Just three beers, please,” he replies.
“Sure,” I answer, reaching into the cooler.
“We’re only staying for one drink. We’re going to a bar on the east side that we used to hang at, but I wanted to stop in before we went out.”
I smile at him. “Well, isn’t that sweet.” I notice a couple looking at me to refill their drinks.
“You’re busy. I’ll see you later,” Ryan says, taking the beers and walking back to his friends.
I help the customers that are giving me the evil eye and then the constant rush of others trying to celebrate the beginning of the weekend. I glance at Ryan and see him and his friends just talking together near a bar table. I’m happy there are no girls around them—not yet, anyway. I’m sure Ryan will want one last fling before he leaves.
Ken looks like he’s finished his dinner and is draining what’s left of his beer, so I walk over to check in.
“How was your dinner?” I ask.
“It was all right. I see your movie star friend is still here,” he says with a hint of jealousy.
“Yes. Celebrating the last of his days in New York as a ‘nobody,’ ” I reply, sneaking a glance at Ryan. He is still just with the boys, and it looks like they are finishing their drinks.
“Too bad,” Ken says, wistfully. “I’m sure he will be missed.”
“Yes, I’m sure he will.” I’ve never seen this side of Ken.
“Well, I’m going home. It’s been a pleasure as always, Miss Eve,” Ken says with a smile.
“Goodnight. Enjoy your weekend.”
Ken walks towards the door and Ryan and his friends approach the bar.
“Okay, lady, we’re out,” Ryan announces.
I smile and nod. “Have fun. Thanks for stopping in.”
“We will. Sorry you were so busy, but I guess that’s a good thing,” he says. I nod again and
wave to his friends. They say goodnight and leave the bar.
Having Ryan stop in just to see me for a short time uplifts my mood and the rest of my night flies by. I happily help the customers I have until last call, and then clean up. When I go outside to walk home, I notice the snow has stopped and there is just a light dusting on the ground that I’m sure will be gone by morning.
I walk into my warm building and up the many flights of stairs to my apartment. I don’t hear any noise on the other side of the door, so I assume Ryan’s friends didn’t come back here, and I’m relieved. I’m beat, and wouldn’t mind climbing into bed.
I close the door behind me, and I’m bothered when I see Ryan’s door is open and the apartment is empty. I know there are places that will stay open after hours, but I also don’t think that’s necessarily where they are. I’m disheartened thinking that Ryan found a girl to go home with for the night and hope that’s just my inner jealousy talking. He’s not really that kind of guy, but it wouldn’t be completely out of the question, either.
I get ready for bed, and even as the sun comes up, Ryan still isn’t home.
Chapter 42
I wake up to the sound of the front door opening and Ryan coming in. I look at the clock and it’s after eleven already, so I slowly sit up and stretch. Apparently, I slept like a baby all night. I must have needed that. I get out of bed, put on a sweatshirt, and walk into the living room as Ryan flings himself onto the couch.
“Rough night?” I ask.
“You could say that,” Ryan answers. “There were a lot of beers involved. I think I’ve consumed more alcohol in the last week than I have in the last year.”
“Sounds like fun,” I reply drily. “Did you sleep somewhere last night, or were you out this whole time?” I’m a little afraid that he might tell me he was with a woman. I don't know if I’ll be able to hide my disappointment. I’m silently hoping he was out all night, or at one of his friend’s, sleeping.
“We went to some afterhours club, and it was already morning when we went back outside, so we decided to have breakfast,” Ryan explains.
