by Jessica Marx
“So, what now? Are you going to sleep?”
“Definitely. I need to get a nap. I have to get some packing done when I get up. Will you be here? Are we still hanging later sis?” Ryan asks, getting cozy on couch.
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it,” I say with a smile.
I make myself some coffee and get dressed so I can leave and let Ryan sleep. He’s already out like a light, so it’s not like I have to be quiet, but there’s not too much to do here. At least I can go pick up some food for myself, or something. I can also get some munchies for later when we are home packing. I put on my coat and leave the apartment to make myself busy for a while.
It’s freezing out again, and they are predicting snow again later. We may even have some accumulation. I don’t have any place to go later, or tomorrow, for that matter, so a little snow on the ground would be nice.
I go into the supermarket to grab some food and decide I should cook dinner, since I don’t have much else to do today. I’m not a good cook, but I can make something simple, and I’m sure Ryan will appreciate it. I choose some items and check out. It doesn't take terribly long, but I don’t have much else to do, so I bring the groceries home.
Ryan is still snoozing, so I put everything away and get prepped as quietly as I can. I’m making a simple chicken and pasta dish, but the apartment already smells amazing. It hasn’t had the aroma of a fresh-cooked meal since my mom was here.
I put the chicken on the stove to braise and prepare some garlic bread. I put a pot of water on the stove that I will turn on when Ryan is awake. I remember the bottle of champagne I had bought in anticipation of Ryan getting this part. It will be perfect for tonight. I won’t have any need for it after he leaves, anyway.
I take a shower and watch some television. I see it’s starting to snow outside and I’m getting restless. I decide to make some noise to “accidentally” wake Ryan, so I go back into the kitchen and bang a few things around. Ryan begins to stir on the couch, and then slowly sits up.
“What’s that smell?” he asks.
“And good morning to you, too,” I reply.
“Shit. What time is it?”
“Just after four,” I tell him. “And that smell is dinner.”
He rubs his eyes. “Damn, it’s late already. Where did you order from?”
I puff out my chest proudly. “I didn’t order, I made it.”
“You made it?” Ryan asks incredulously. “I feel honored.”
“You should. Are you hungry yet, or do you need some time to wake up?”
“I’m pretty hungry. I could use a shower, though. Can you wait a few?”
“Of course. I still have to make a couple of things, anyway, so take your time.”
Ryan walks to the bathroom and I turn the burner on for the water to boil. I spread some butter and mashed garlic on a nice loaf of Italian bread I bought at the market and put it in the oven. I look at the table and think it would be a nice touch to set it and make it look pretty.
I take out two real plates and salad bowls instead of the regular paper products and take out tins we’re used to. I want Ryan to have a nice memory of me and our time here—I think this will be perfect. I look down at myself and suddenly wish I was wearing something nicer than leggings and a flannel, but it would feel strange to dress any different for dinner at home.
The bathroom door opens and Ryan walks out in a towel. This is the second time in two days he’s done this. Maybe he knows it’s making me feel awkward and getting a kick out of it. More likely, though, he just has no clue and doesn’t care anymore since he knows he’s leaving.
He smiles at me and walks into his bedroom to dress. I’m thankful for the champagne. I don’t know if Ryan is going to want to drink again, but I sure need some help relaxing.
“So, what’s on the menu?” Ryan asks, entering the kitchen.
“Salad, pan roasted chicken with rosemary, pasta, and garlic bread.”
“And you set the table? Damn, girl. You really know how to make a guy feel special. Who knew?”
“I have many hidden talents,” I reply, taking a bow.
“This may be the first time I’ve seen you cook. I hope it tastes as good as it smells.”
“Me too,” I laugh. “But first, a toast.” I open the fridge and take the bottle of champagne from the back. I expertly pop the cork and fill the two glasses I had taken out earlier. “Cheers.”
“Cheers,” Ryan replies, clinking my glass. “Thank you for doing all of this. If I didn’t know better, I would think you were trying to seduce me—or poison me, but I’m pretty sure you’re not trying to kill me. If you haven’t by now, I think I’m okay.”
“Ryan. I didn’t mean…”
“Oh, please, Eve. I’m only messing with you,” Ryan laughs. “I know you’re not looking to get in my pants, and I hope you’re not trying to kill me.”
I’m relieved. I’ve been so caught up in my new feelings for Ryan that I think he might be on to me. He’s kind of intuitive for a man, so he must have some idea, but I don’t want him to think I’ve planned a night of romance for the two of us.
“Good. I don’t want you to think anything like that. I just wanted to give you something to remember me by,” I explain nervously. “I wanted to buy you something, but I couldn’t find anything that I liked. Nothing felt right.”
“I don’t need anything, Eve. Not even this dinner, although I’m really happy you went through all this trouble for me. It means a lot.” Ryan smiles at me. “We’ve made so many memories together already. That’s all I need.”
An awkward silence lingers between us and we each take a sip of champagne. Mine is more like a giant gulp and I finish off the glass and pour another.
“So, how about we eat so we can get to packing?” I suggest, breaking the silence.
“Sounds good. Let’s eat,” Ryan says.
We sit down to one of the most formal meals we’ve eaten here, and it actually tastes good. The snow falling outside our small window is a nice touch. We make some conversation and talk about what he and his crazy friends did last night. He lets me know his plans and what AGR did to set him up when he gets to California. It sounds like he’s getting the star treatment already, and I’m so happy for him.
Ryan and I finish our meal and together clean the table and wash all the dishes. I pour us each another glass of champagne. We’re not drunk, but it’s definitely helping to keep the edge off my nerves.
“So, are you ready to get to packing?” I ask.
“I don’t have much to bring, but I guess I should get whatever I’m taking together,” Ryan replies without any enthusiasm.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t you excited?”
“Of course I am.” He sighs. “It’s just so crazy, and everything is happening so fast. We barely just moved in here, and now I’m moving out. And I’m going to be across the country without you, without anybody.” He trails off and averts his eyes.
“We definitely know a few people out there,” I assure him. “Plus you’re going to be so busy filming you won’t have time to think about it.”
“I guess. It’s just like what they say, ‘be careful what you wish for.’ It’s so amazing but scary at the same time,” he confesses.
“I’m sure you will be fine after a few days. You’re going to be in Hollywood. Hollywood Ryan. This is a dream come true.”
“Yeah. It is,” Ryan agrees. He smiles, but I can see there is some sadness behind it. “Well, then, let’s do this.”
We go into Ryan’s room. He has some boxes and two suitcases ready to be packed. He is going to leave the little bit of furniture here with me. He doesn’t need it anyway— they are setting him up with a furnished place for one year. Ryan may or may not be there that long, but it’s part of his contract.
“Where should we start?” I ask. I don’t mind helping, of course, but I also don’t want to rifle through his things.
“Why don’t I empty the drawers and you put things
in the boxes or suitcases?” he suggests.
I nod. “Sounds like a plan.”
I sit on his bed with a box and Ryan begins to go through his small closet. We fill one box with its contents and some of a suitcase. He moves next to his dresser and do the same. We are in a good rhythm and music is playing, keeping us upbeat and moving. We’re also enjoying the last of the champagne from dinner. The dresser is done quickly and we move to the contents on top and around the room. There are some things that need to be wrapped, which we do and place those in the next box.
Ryan goes to his nightstand and pulls open one drawer. He puts most of the items in a box. He shows me a couple of his keepsakes that he has in there—photo albums and some trinkets in an old cigar box. He opens the other drawer and does the same. He smiles and stands up next to me as he pulls out a picture frame.
“Do you remember this?” he asks, showing me the photo.
A broad smile crosses my face as I lean in to look. “Of course I do. It’s from the summer after we met.”
The photo is of me with Ryan’s arm around my shoulder, sitting at a table on a rooftop restaurant overlooking the city. We were with several of our friends and cast mates celebrating a successful run of a small, little known production we performed in. It was terrible, and not many people came to see it, but we were so proud.
“I can’t believe you kept this,” I say, still staring at it.
“I’ve always kept it in my drawer. I would have left it on top, but I thought you might think I was a creep if you saw it. It was one of the best nights I ever had,” Ryan confesses.
“Yeah. It was a fun time—the whole show was. What made it the best?” I ask.
“It’s the night I fell in love with you,” Ryan says plainly, his glassy blue eyes looking into mine.
I laugh nervously. “Shut up.” Not the best reaction, but what is he talking about?
“I love you, Eve. I always have.”
“Like a sister…” I say quietly, trying to finish his sentence.
“No. Not like that,” he replies, looking me dead in the eye. “I know you never felt the same. I know there’s the whole stepbrother stepsister thing… But… I can’t help it.” He jolts off the bed a moment later, running a hand through his hair.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper.
“I hoped that one day you would come around, but I don’t think you’ll ever see me as anything more than a stepbrother. Now that I’m leaving, I may never get the chance again to tell you how I feel so… fuck it.”
I am dumbfounded. I had no idea. None. Everyone around us knew, he knew—I just didn’t see it.
Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. I feel like such a fool. Now he is leaving and it will be so long before we have a chance to explore our feelings—if ever. By trying to play it safe, I lost any chance we had.
“Don’t cry, Eve,” Ryan says, taking my hand and smiling gently. “I will always be there for you. I just want you in my life, even if this is as far as things go.”
“It’s not that,” I start, searching for the right words. “Since we’ve been here, it’s just… different. I’ve been having these feelings… I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to fuck things up. Now I feel like that’s exactly what I did.”
“No,” Ryan says, waiting for me to look at him again. “No. You didn’t, Eve. Everything is perfect.”
“Perfect?” I say, staring at him. “How can you even say that? You’re leaving,” I finish, starting to cry once more.
Ryan smiles at me again. He leans over and reaches his hand up to my face, softly wiping the tears from my cheek. He does the same with the other cheek then gently holds my face as he leans in. Ryan places his soft lips on mine and kisses me. He is delicate at first, slowly using his warm tongue to part my lips and then gently caressing my tongue with his. I start to kiss Ryan back, once the initial shock of what is happening begins to wear off.
Our tongues are entwined and moving in rhythm together. His lips press harder into mine and our kiss becomes deeper and harder. The intensity between us grows, and I reach up to Ryan’s face, trying to pull him closer into me. The passion we felt when we kissed before doesn’t compare to what is flowing between us right now. Ryan slowly pulls his face away, gently biting my lip as he does.
“Damn, girl,” he says softly, taking my hands in his and lightly pulling them off his face.
We are standing there, and I’m still in a state of shock about what’s happening. Ryan just admitted that he’s in love with me and we kissed. It was as passionate as the kiss we shared in class, but this time, it is real—it’s us. I smile at him shyly.
“What?” Ryan asks, noticing the perplexed look on my face.
“It’s just crazy. This is crazy,” I reply.
Ryan laughs. “The only things crazy about it is that we waited so long.”
He places his hands on the back of my head and pulls me closer to him, this time with more fervor. His lips drive into mine and my hands find their way around his back and settle on his firm ass. As Ryan’s tongue probes mine and our kiss becomes deeper, I find myself pulling him closer into me until I can feel his erection prodding against my thigh. The surprise of this all happening and arousal it’s making me feel are intoxicating.
We are still entangled in a kiss, our mouths opening and closing around each other as I tongues continue to dance. Ryan moves his hands slowly down the back of my neck and pulls the flannel shirt I have on down over my shoulders. Not wanting to break our embrace, he slides the straps of my tank top down, exposing my breasts. Ryan cups them in his warm hands and begins to caress me. A soft moan escapes my mouth and flows into his. Sensing my pleasure, he continues to massage my breasts and suddenly tweaks my nipple with his fingers. I jump a little from the sensation and force my mouth closer into his, pressing my hips against him as I do.
Again, he releases his mouth from mine, sucking my lip as he pulls away. Ryan looks into my eyes and I see something new in his crystal blues—hunger and desire. He holds my stare as he tugs his shirt over his head, revealing his well-toned chest and arms. I’m not afraid to look anymore, so I study him more closely, and I’m immediately more aroused as I follow Ryan’s defined abs down into the waistline of his pants. Ignoring my wandering eyes, he grabs the hem of my tank and pulls it over my head, tossing it aside.
Ryan stares at me for several moments like he’s seeing me for the first time, too. Then he grabs me with a new intensity and pulls my body into his, pressing our bare chests together, and kisses me again. Ryan’s mouth passionately envelops mine and our tongues begin to penetrate one another again. He grabs the back of my thighs and lifts my body to his, forcing me to wrap my legs around him. I always thought of Ryan as being so gentle, and I’m pleasantly surprised when he shows his more dominant side.
We continue to kiss, my hands clutching and fondling the back of his head. I’m trying to bring him closer to me, even though I know we can’t be any closer than we are now. Ryan’s strong arms are around my back as he slowly, easily, picks me up and lays me back on the bed. He positions himself on top of me, my legs still coiled around him. He sits up on his knees and looks down at me. Reaching his hands out, Ryan entwines my fingers in his and squeezes. He keeps them in his grip and places my hands over my head while he leans over to kiss me again.
The sensation of his weight on top of me, our hands together, and our mouths moving as one, is incredible. I’m finally able to release the tension from the longing and desire I’ve been holding back. I want to free my hands so I can touch Ryan, but he playfully holds me back, which only makes me want to touch him more. My nipples are hard, and I can tell Ryan likes the way they feel against his chest, because he continues to move and rub his body over mine.
A sudden hunger washes over me. I need to get closer. I need him inside of me.
I wrap my legs around Ryan, harder, urging him closer, wanting him to feel and share in my desire. He matches my appetite by nudging h
is rock hard cock against me. I struggle again to free my hands so I can reach down and touch him, release his manhood, and take it in.
It’s like Ryan reads my thoughts, and he lets my hands go. Our mouths are still working together, combining our need. Ryan slides his hands down my body, caressing and feeling every part of me for the first time. He gently pulls his mouth away from mine and kisses me on the chin, then sucks on my neck while he tries to remove my pants. He continues to move farther down, kissing my chest, and then my breasts, giving gentle bites and sucking on my nipples. I arch my hips up toward him. Ryan easily removes my leggings and panties, and feels my legs as he works his hands back up, still kissing and sucking on my breasts.
I blindly reach down for his pants, but he nimbly holds me down with his lips around my nipple, flicking it with his tongue. Ryan takes his hands off my hips where he had been holding me and unbuttons his own pants, moving himself so that he’s able to pull them off. I am filled with anticipation and raw need as I wrap my hands over his firm ass and pull him into me again, bucking up to meet his body.
Ryan draws back his own hips, sensing how bad I want him and teasing me. I feel a sly smile cross his lips as we begin to kiss again. I wrap my hand around his erection. I realize it’s much bigger than I had expected as I start to stroke him. He moans and reaches his own hand down between my legs to run his fingers over my slit. He moves his hand up and down over me, letting one finger part my inner lips but not enter me, teasing me some more.
I continue to caress and rub his shaft with both hands trying to guide him into me at the same time. Ryan isn’t giving in. He’s going to make sure I want him, more than I do now, before giving in. I’m already wet and he easily slides one finger inside of me. I groan. Ryan is barely touching me, and I want to explode already. He expertly circles his finger around and begins to rub my heat with his thumb at the same time. I stroke him harder and arch my back, trying again to get my body closer to his.
I reach my head up and urgently place my lips on his, prying them apart with my tongue and sucking Ryan’s tongue into my own mouth. I suck harder as he buries a second finger inside me. I remove one hand from his sex and grip the back of his neck with it while I continue to stroke him with the other. The continuous motion of Ryan’s fingers inside me and the pressure of his circling thumb drive me to the edge. When he feels me begin to tighten around him, he slows the motion of his fingers and pulls them out. He rests them over my crease and starts to caress me again, taking me back down a notch.
