How to Rebuild (Hearts & Horsepower #4)

by A. K. Evans

  I put my hands on him.

  He smiled, dropped his mouth to mine, and kissed me while he moved slowly inside me. What happened next between us was something I couldn’t even begin to process. It was all-consuming, passionate, and so incredibly beautiful.

  He’d done it.

  He’d done exactly what I knew he’d do.

  I trusted Kieran with my body, and he did not disappoint me.

  We moved. We touched. We kissed.

  Our bodies collided. Our bodies rolled.

  And because of everything happening inside my head and heart at that point, it didn’t take long for me to get worked up.

  “Kier,” I breathed my warning.

  When he knew it was coming, Kieran made sure I was on my back. He drove in deep. He drove in hard. And he kept his eyes on me as I experienced one of the most intense, earth-shattering orgasms of my entire life.

  My limbs clung to him, and I had no choice but to shove my face in his neck as the force of it tore through me.

  Kieran worked me through it.

  And once he knew that he’d satisfied me, he found his release.

  “So beautiful, Elise,” he growled. “So beautiful.”

  The moment he got the words out, he thrust hard a few more times and his body tensed over mine.

  As soon as it left him, he collapsed on top of me. He twisted his neck, brought his lips to my cheek, and kissed me sweetly while his thumb was stroking my opposite cheek in such a gentle way. It was like he thought I was the most precious thing he’d ever had the pleasure of putting his hands on.

  With my fingers running up and down his back, I asked, “Did you like your gift?”

  “Loved it.”

  I smiled and squeezed him. Everywhere.

  He groaned, lifted his head, and kissed me before he said, “I’ll be right back.”

  Ten minutes later, we had both cleaned up and were curled up together in bed. We hadn’t spoken any words, but it wasn’t awkward. I had a feeling we were both dealing with too many emotions. Or, at least, I hope that’s what Kieran was doing. I knew I was.

  But after a while, he finally asked, “Did you have a nice Valentine’s Day?”

  “The best,” I assured him. “What about you?”

  He squeezed my shoulder and returned, “The best.”

  “Thank you, Kieran.”

  “For what?”

  What could I say? How could I tell him?

  Unsure how to communicate what I needed to, I answered, “Everything.”

  I didn’t know if Kieran got what I wanted him to get out of that, but I had a feeling he understood how much I was struggling to put it all into words. Luckily, he didn’t press me for more of an explanation. Instead, he shared, “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you.”

  At those words, I felt my belly squeeze as something softened in my heart.

  There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you.

  I couldn’t find any words, at least not the ones he deserved to hear, so I lifted my cheek from his chest and kissed him.

  And just before I drifted off to sleep, I promised myself that I’d figure out a way to tell him the truth.

  “I can’t breathe.”

  That came out in a wheeze.

  “Sorry,” Kieran lamented, loosening his hold just a touch to allow the air to fill my lungs again. “I’m just trying to get all the affection I can before you go.”

  “It’s just a few days,” I told him. “Trust me, you’ll be glad you have this break from me.”

  “Let the record stand that I respectfully disagree with that statement,” he started. “The only reason I agreed to this is that you said it was something you needed me to give you. If it were up to me, I’d be by your side through every step of this. In fact, it’s what I would have preferred.”

  Pressing my palm into his chest, I replied, “I know. And I do appreciate that more than I could ever tell you. But I need this. Just for this one.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  Smiling at him, genuinely appreciating his willingness to give me what I needed, I pressed up on my toes and kissed him. I might have initiated the kiss, but Kieran quickly took over. He was going to be the one to end it. And it was clear he wasn’t interested in ending it quickly.

  After a lot of moaning and squeezing, Kieran reluctantly tore his mouth from mine.

  “I’m going to miss you, lady,” he said, his voice ragged.

  My heart melted. “I’m going to miss you, too,” I assured him.

  “You have to go now?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah. I don’t want to be the last one to show up all the time,” I told him.

  “Okay. Have a good time with the girls. I’ll see you on Friday night.”

  I pressed one more kiss to his lips before Kieran opened the door to my car. After I folded myself in behind the wheel, I looked up and said, “Bye, baby.”

  Kieran grinned at me. “Goodbye, Elise.”

  A few minutes later, after he closed my door and watched me back out of his driveway, I was on my way to lunch.

  It was Sunday afternoon, just over two weeks since Valentine’s Day, and I’d spent the last two nights at Kieran’s place. It was the beginning of March, only a few days away from the Flynn Beauty spring collection launch.

  I finally made a decision.

  Though I had already been leaning that way, getting Kieran’s input a few weeks ago solidified it.

  I was Elise Flynn. I didn’t do soft launches. I didn’t back down in fear.

  So, we were pushing forward with our marketing efforts. In fact, we were doubling down with them.

  It was perfect timing, too. Spring. The beginning of a new season. A rebirth. That’s what this was going to be for Flynn Beauty. We had worked our tails off, figuring out how to rebuild our customers’ trust in the brand. We put in the work to fix the mistake, to apologize, and to make it right.

  We weren’t going to stop now.

  And for that reason, I knew the next several days were going to be chaotic for me. Kieran understood what was ahead for me and was completely supportive.

  “How can I help?” he asked about a week and a half ago.

  I had been anxious about giving him a truthful answer, but I knew it was what I needed. “On the week of the launch, I’ll need you to give me some space,” I said.

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I know that’s probably an awful thing to say to you, but I think that’s what I need.”

  Kieran’s expression had grown instantly wounded, and I hated myself for putting that look on his face. “You don’t want me around?”

  Oh, hearing him say that made it even worse.

  Wanting him to understand, I explained, “It’s not like that, Kieran. I just… I just think that after everything that happened with the winter collection, I need to do this on my own.”

  “You have a whole team of people working with you,” he pointed out.

  Okay. He had a valid argument.

  “I do. I know I do,” I assured him. “But the problem is that my team and I will all be focused on one thing. The successful launch of a new product.”

  “And you think I wouldn’t be able to support you with that same thing?” he asked. “I’ve got to admit that stings.”

  My shoulders fell. “It’s not about you not supporting me,” I insisted. “I know you would. The problem for me is that I tend to forget about everything but us when you are around. I need to be focused the week of the first launch since a major scandal rocked my brand. Please, Kier, please tell me you can understand that.”

  I didn’t know if it was the fact that I’d called him Kier or if he legitimately understood where I was coming from, but Kieran dipped his chin and acquiesced, “Okay. I’ll give you that if it’s what you need. I don’t like it, and I think it’s fucked-up. But if that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you.”

  From that point forward, Kieran and I didn’t discuss i
t again. It just became something we both knew was going to happen, and we accepted it as such.

  Now that I’d left his house, I had to hope all the time we’d spent leading up to this point would see me through. Even though my launch week didn’t technically start until tomorrow, I couldn’t spend the day with him today.

  Scarlet, Kendall, Avery, and I had made plans to get together this weekend. It had been a while since we’d done so, and I didn’t feel right blowing them off. So, instead of spending a few extra hours with Kieran this afternoon, I was doing it with the girls. Afterward, I would go home, review a few things that we had planned for the week, and get myself to bed early. I needed to head into this week feeling refreshed and recharged.

  On the bright side, meeting up with the girls was something I desperately needed. Because despite how much time had passed since I started feeling something genuine for Kieran, I still hadn’t found a way to share it with him.

  Because it scared me.

  A lot.

  So, I held back, knowing I’d have the time this afternoon to talk to three women who had not yet ever given me bad advice. I was hoping they’d be able to do the same in this situation.

  Not long after I left Kieran’s place, I was sitting at a table with one woman who’d been my best friend for years and two others who were quickly becoming women I believed I could rely on and trust. And it felt unbelievable. It felt impossible to be in this place.

  “Gosh, it’s been so nice catching up,” Kendall started. “It feels like it’s been months since we’ve gotten together.”

  “Well, it has been since Logan’s birthday at the end of January, hasn’t it? Considering it’s now the beginning of March, it’s been more than a month,” Avery noted.

  “Yeah, and if we’re talking about getting together without the guys around, it’s been even longer,” Scarlet added. “Since before the holidays, right?”

  “And so much has happened since then,” I declared.

  “Yes, it has,” Avery declared. “Engagements, new relationships, and new friends. It’s all been good.”

  Kendall and Scarlet both nodded their agreement.

  I didn’t.

  Instead, I did something I didn’t regularly do because it wasn’t something I did easily. But these girls hadn’t let me down, and I desperately needed their advice.

  So, I blurted, “I’m scared.”

  Assuming she knew what I was talking about, Scarlet reached out and put her hand on my forearm. “The launch is going to go fine,” she insisted. “You’ve done what you needed to do to make sure you rectified the situation, and you handled all the important parts of this upcoming launch with the best people on your team. Don’t let what one person did to you make you doubt yourself.”

  “I’m with Scarlet on this one,” Kendall said. “I can’t even imagine going through what you did back in January, but she’s right. You went above and beyond to fix the mistake. Don’t let that bring you down.”

  Before I could respond and let them know they had it all wrong, Avery spoke.

  “I get it,” she began. “You do something one time that makes you feel like a failure, and it changes how you do everything moving forward. I was the same way when I got back behind the wheel again months after my crash. I tried not to let it show, but it terrified me. I had to remind myself that if it hadn’t been for someone else’s betrayal and sabotage, that crash never would have happened. That’s the same thing for you.”

  “Totally,” Kendall agreed.

  “And the best part about it is that you’ve got Kieran there by your side the whole time,” Scarlet reminded me. “I’m sure he’ll help you stay calm and relaxed this week.”

  I shook my head. “I told him I didn’t want to see him this week until after the launch,” I confessed.

  Kendall and Scarlet gasped.

  Avery asked, “Why not?”

  I took in the shock all over their faces and admitted, “He consumes me.”

  Shock turned to confusion.

  “What does that mean?” Kendall questioned me.

  “When I’m with him, everything else melts away,” I explained. “It’s like nothing else exists when he’s around. And I guess that’s a great thing, but I need to be on top of my game this week. I can’t be distracted.”

  “Oh man,” Kendall murmured.

  “What?” I asked.

  She shot me a sympathetic look and asked, “How did Kieran respond to this?”

  “He wasn’t thrilled with it, but he accepted it,” I answered. “I just left his place, and I swear I thought he was going to squeeze the life out of me because he was holding on so tight.”

  “Aw, that’s so sweet,” Scarlet said. When my eyes went to hers, she clarified, “Not the fact that he was squeezing the life out of you, but the fact that he was trying to communicate how much he was struggling with not being able to see you for a few days.”

  I looked around the table at all three of them and shared, “I don’t know how to do it.”

  “Do what?” Avery asked.

  “Tell him what he means to me,” I rasped.

  There were stars in Scarlet’s eyes, but it was Kendall who wondered, “He doesn’t know?”

  I shrugged. “I haven’t told him, so unless he figured it out on his own and doesn’t need the words, I’m guessing not,” I told her.

  “Why haven’t you told him?” Scarlet pressed.

  I gave her a look of disbelief. “Isn’t it too fast for me to feel like this?” I countered. “I mean, I just feel like we haven’t been together nearly long enough for me to know that what I’m feeling is the real deal and not just some desperate desire to fill a void.”

  Kendall and Avery burst out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked.

  When they settled themselves down, Kendall shared, “I knew the night I met Logan that he was the guy for me.”

  My eyes widened.

  “The first time I saw Knox, I knew he was special,” Avery added. “But after that initial encounter, I thought he was a huge dick. Even still, it didn’t change the fact that I believed he was someone incredible. Luckily, we worked it out.”

  “I knew Ryker was my guy when he brought me a cupcake to the movie theater on my sixteenth birthday,” Scarlet offered. “That was a week after I met him.”

  “The way I see it, you’re taking your sweet time with Kieran,” Avery reasoned.

  “Did any of you feel worried that you’d give your heart up to your man, and he’d crush it?” I asked, sharing my biggest fear.

  I got a round of nods, and Kendall added, “We did. Anybody would. And the thing is, all of us suffered a bit of heartbreak at their hands.”

  “Yep,” Avery agreed. “But that risk, that heartbreak, is all worth it.”

  “Worth it?” I repeated.

  “Elise?” Scarlet called.

  “Yeah?”

  She took in a deep breath and blew it out before she said softly, “Kieran isn’t anybody but Kieran. Don’t make him pay for the mistakes of others. If you feel something for him that you think he should know, I really think you should tell him.”

  “It’s so hard to hold back,” I admitted.

  “So don’t,” Kendall urged.

  “Look where we are now,” Avery reasoned. “We get the fear you feel, Elise, because it’s scary. But what should terrify you more than that is the idea of not being with him.”

  I took in their words. It all made sense. Deep down, I knew it.

  “Has he said anything to you?” Scarlet asked.

  Shaking my head, I answered, “Not exactly. But the way he is, some of the things he does say, leads me to believe he’s got strong feelings.”

  “Maybe he sees your hesitation with him and is holding back until he thinks you’re comfortable,” Kendall suggested.

  I gave them a devious look and shared, “Well, I’m working on that.”

  “How so?”

  Feeling warmth flood through
me at the memory, I grinned and said, “Let’s just say that we did a lot of playing on Valentine’s Day.”

  “Playing?” Scarlet repeated.

  Kendall and Avery had both leaned in.

  I nodded. “I’m not going to give you details, but I will say that it was after he cooked me dinner and dessert, and it involved some lingerie and a blindfold.”

  “Nice,” Kendall replied, giving me an approving nod.

  “It was,” I insisted. “He’s so good.”

  “Then don’t let him get away,” Avery warned me.

  I dipped my chin in acknowledgment. Then we turned the conversation to their wedding plans and the upcoming racing season. That was another thing Kieran, and I had talked about over the last week or so. Just the racing. Not wedding plans. He couldn’t wait for it to start because he wanted me to come to the track for the first testing session. I was looking forward to it.

  Weddings or racing, the conversation topic didn’t matter to me. I was grateful because I needed a new distraction, and those topics did the trick. When it came to my situation with Kieran, I’d shared my fears and gotten advice from Scarlet, Kendall, and Avery. Now it was up to me to decide what to do with it.

  For the next hour, the girls and I ate lunch and caught up with one another. It was nice to have this with them, and I hadn’t realized how much I needed it. I started to understand it was a lot like what Avery said. For a long time, I was quick to keep my circle small. But maybe I needed to stop feeling terrified and distancing myself from people who were right for me. These girls were part of that.

  “I’m just going to run to the bathroom quickly,” I said after the waitress had cleared away our plates. I threw out a bunch of cash and said, “In case she comes back while I’m in the bathroom, this is on me today.”

  “We’ll get you next time then,” Kendall declared.

  “Sure.”

  “Thanks, Elise,” Avery said a moment before I started to walk away.

  I wound my way through the restaurant toward the bathroom. As I approached, a woman and her toddler were walking away from the restroom. I stepped to the side to allow them to pass. That’s when my gaze shifted to the other side of the restaurant, and I felt like I’d been socked in the gut.

  I narrowed my eyes, convinced I was hallucinating. I wasn’t.