How to Rebuild (Hearts & Horsepower #4)

by A. K. Evans

  She licked her lips.

  “You’re a great man, Kieran,” she said softly. “But there’s too much happening in my life right now that needs my attention. I can’t do this.”

  This wasn’t going to work. Elise was entirely too caught up in the emotional turmoil she felt over what her brother did to her. The fact that she’d accused two other employees of being out to get her wasn’t helping matters. And I’d just admitted I loved her. This was not how I planned it would go. I hadn’t meant to share it with her like this. I wanted it to be special.

  But for once, I felt fear, and my control slipped. It figured that I’d lose my hold on my patience at such a critical time.

  And now that Elise wasn’t listening to any reason, I had to go. If telling her that I loved her wasn’t enough to make her realize that this was a stupid idea, there was nothing else I could do.

  “So, I tell you I love you, and you break up with me,” I surmised. “Seems appropriate.”

  “Kieran, I’m sorry,” she lamented.

  Standing up from the couch, I clipped, “Yeah. Me too.”

  I started to walk away from her and toward the front door. “Kieran, wait!” she cried out.

  I stopped, turned around, and saw that she’d gotten up from the couch and had taken a few steps toward me. Then I asked, “What?”

  “Please don’t leave like this,” she begged.

  “Like what?”

  “Don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded.

  I sighed. “You’re throwing us away,” I told her. “I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to be besides pissed off right now. You want this over. I’m giving you what you want.”

  “Can we… maybe we can be friends,” she suggested.

  Now it was my turn for my eyes to pop out of my head. “Are you crazy?” I asked her. “Do you honestly believe I can just be friends with you? Elise, I know how you taste. I can’t just be your friend.”

  Tears filled her eyes.

  I hated seeing them there, but she was the only one who had the power to stop this. It was unnecessary bullshit.

  When she said nothing else, I turned away and started moving to the door again. I could feel her following behind me.

  Not liking leaving here like this any more than she did, I stopped at the front door and looked back at her.

  “I’m not happy about this,” I started. “But you’ve had a rough day, and I’m not going to make it any worse than it already is by forcing you to do something you don’t think you want to do right now. That said, I’ve got to say… this stings. All this time, I’ve been doing what I could to make sure you knew what I felt for you without pushing too hard. And now that I’ve given you everything I’ve got to give you, it’s still not enough. I’m not sure I would have ever really been able to get in there.”

  Elise jerked back at that, and I realized I’d done the opposite of what I had intended.

  Fuck.

  “Kieran…” She trailed off.

  Hearing the hurt in her voice stung, but for some reason, it didn’t stop me from taking the blade I’d already shoved in and twisting it.

  “Fuck, I would have given you everything, Elise,” I started, my voice low. “That’s how much I love you.” Tears welled in her eyes. I didn’t stop. I put my hand to the doorknob and ended, “I’m not your ex, and I’m not your brother. I never was. But I think they both taught you something. They showed you how to be just like them.”

  With those parting words, I turned, opened the door, and walked out.

  And I didn’t look back. Because I knew if I did and saw the tears on her face, I wouldn’t be able to walk away.

  I love you too much to let you go.

  For more than two hours now, I’d been in my bed trying to sleep. But I couldn’t. Thoughts of Kieran plagued my mind. Not my brand. Not my brother’s betrayal. Not even my fucked-up situation that needed to be resolved with Kat and Skye.

  Nope.

  All I had consuming my mind was him.

  Kieran loved me too much to let me go, but he still walked away.

  In all fairness, I had indicated it was what I wanted. But he still walked away.

  And I let him go. I told him I couldn’t do it.

  I became the very thing from which I was protecting myself.

  Why had I done something so stupid?

  I knew why. I was a fool.

  Because only a woman who was an idiot would have a man do for her what Kieran did for me, even just for the time since he walked into my office earlier in the day, and still tell him she couldn’t be with him.

  When my world was crumbling, when I had nobody to depend on, Kieran was there. He was ready to do anything and everything to see me through my nightmare. Despite that, I could only manage to thank him by pushing him away from me.

  He loved me.

  He loved me.

  They showed you how to be just like them.

  I winced as the unhappy thought flitted through my mind again for what had to be the hundredth time since he left.

  It killed me to think I’d made him feel the same way Elliot made me feel. The same way Porter made me feel.

  He was right. I was so busy wondering if I could trust him, and he was the one who should have been guarding his heart.

  I’m not sure I ever really would have been able to get in there.

  I sighed, the pain those words inflicted going straight to my heart. The place he wanted to be but didn’t believe he’d ever have. Had I been so bad at it that he didn’t realize he was already in there?

  I was in love with him, and I never told him.

  I was in love with him, and I told him I couldn’t continue to be with him.

  I was in love with him, and I let him walk away.

  Despite knowing all of this, no matter how much his words hurt my heart and how much I believed I would regret this decision for the rest of my life, I still couldn’t find a way to pick up the phone and beg him to come back to me.

  I never wanted it to be bad.

  As he followed me home from Flynn Beauty after my brother admitted the truth to me, I thought about all of it. And I realized I couldn’t handle it. What I had with him was wonderful. Beautiful. Everything a woman like me could ever want.

  I didn’t want to risk it being anything but that.

  So, while this stung now, at least I knew I’d never think about Kieran in the future with any negative thoughts about who he was. I’d have memories of him being honest and good and kind.

  And Kieran?

  He’d have memories of me being just the opposite.

  On that thought, I buried my face in the pillow and burst into tears.

  I was back.

  Barely.

  But I was here.

  It was Tuesday morning, and I was in my office again. It was a wonder I managed to make it here at all, considering I barely got any sleep.

  Kieran was on my mind all night long.

  Occasionally, my thoughts drifted to Porter, Flynn Beauty, and what my brother had done to me. I hadn’t started processing the whole thing. I had a feeling it was going to be weeks from now when it suddenly hit me just how badly I’d been betrayed by someone who was my own flesh and blood. Until that time came, I had plenty to occupy my mind.

  And all night last night, it was Kieran.

  Even now, it hadn’t even been a full twenty-four hours since I’d ended things between us, and I already missed him terribly. I didn’t know how it was ever going to get any easier with the way I felt.

  Unfortunately, now that I was back at work, I had no choice but to push thoughts of him to the back of my mind. At least until I went home tonight and could cry in my pillow again. Because right now, I had plenty to keep me busy.

  In fact, I had more work now than I had yesterday morning when I arrived. Instead of trying to figure out how Kat and Skye were planning to sabotage me, I was now hoping I was going to be able to right the wrongs I’d done.

  Not long after
I arrived at work this morning, I called Kat. I asked her if she’d be able to come in to talk with me this morning. She agreed and was expected here at any minute.

  As soon as I got off the phone with her, I called Skye and asked the same of her. I expected her about thirty minutes after Kat.

  I hadn’t told either of them over the phone why I wanted to speak with them. I figured they might have had an idea as to why I was calling, but I would let them speculate. Apologizing over the phone wasn’t an option for me. I was wrong, and they deserved to have an in-person apology.

  Just then, my office phone rang. Lifting it out of the cradle, I held it to my ear and said, “Elise Flynn.”

  “Hey, Elise. It’s Juliette,” my receptionist greeted me. “I’ve got Kat here for your meeting with her this morning.”

  “Send her back, please,” I requested.

  “Sure thing.”

  Juliette and I disconnected the call. Then I took several deep breaths as I prepared myself for what was ahead for me.

  Not quite a full minute later, I saw Kat walking past the glass panes of my office. She stopped at the door and lifted her hand to knock, but I waved her in.

  “Good morning, Elise,” she greeted me when she walked in.

  There was no denying there was a bit of trepidation in her tone and her features. I hated that she felt that way, but I also understood it.

  Hoping it would give her a bit of comfort, I offered a smile and returned, “Good morning, Kat. Please come in and sit down.”

  She took a seat in the chair I’d pulled up on the opposite side of my desk. After a brief silence, I said, “First things first. I owe you an apology.”

  “Elise, it’s o—”

  I held my hand up to stop her.

  Shaking my head, I insisted, “It’s not okay. I’m sorry, Kat. I saw you out with Skye and jumped to conclusions. Yes, I know I had a valid reaction based on the evidence we had against Skye, but it doesn’t excuse how I behaved. I should have allowed you to explain. I’m sorry.”

  Kat gave me a gentle nod. “I appreciate and accept your apology, Elise. Thank you,” she replied.

  “And I appreciate your graciousness,” I returned. “Now, I have another important matter to discuss with you.”

  She perked up in her seat, and I could see the hope in her eyes. “Yes?”

  “If you’re still interested, I’d love to have you back here working as my assistant,” I told her.

  Tears instantly filled her eyes. “Really?” she rasped.

  I nodded. “I never should have reacted the way I did and fired you,” I stated. “I’m sorry about that. All I can do now is hope you’ll forgive me for that and come back to me. What you did saved this company from certain doom. And you saved me from the humiliation a second scandal would surely have brought down on me. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

  The emotion that came over her was undeniable. She struggled not to break down, and luckily, she succeeded. Then she burst out, “Yes. Yes, I want to come back as your assistant. Thank you so much.”

  “Well, there is one thing that I’m hoping to change about your position,” I noted.

  Sitting up straighter, a serious look washed over her, and she responded, “Okay. What’s that?”

  Shooting her a kind smile, hoping it helped her to relax a bit, I explained, “As of right now, I no longer have a brand manager and marketer. And while I understand you didn’t go to school for marketing, I think you have great ideas, Kat. It’s been made abundantly clear to me that you have the best interests of Flynn Beauty at heart, and I’d like to add a bit more responsibility to your plate if you’re interested. I’m leaving this up to you. If you’d like to remain on as my assistant in the capacity you’ve always been, I’m happy to keep things as they were with a simple, well-deserved pay increase. But I might like to transition you to a new position.”

  Kat’s eyes grew huge. “Are you… are you serious?”

  I nodded. “Yes. I don’t take what you did lightly. And I think the risk you took should be rewarded,” I said.

  “Wow,” she marveled.

  I could see her mind working while she contemplated everything. After some time passed, I asked, “So what do you think?”

  “Yeah… definitely. I’d love to take on more responsibility,” she declared. “This is so unbelievable. Thank you, Elise.”

  “No. Thank you, Kat.”

  The silence stretched briefly, and I noticed something lingering in Kat’s gaze. Something was on her mind.

  “Kat?” I called.

  “Yeah?”

  “Is there something you want to say?” I wondered.

  Nodding, she answered, “I just want you to know that I didn’t mean to go behind your back with anything when I was working with Skye to get to the bottom of what was happening here. I just had a hunch and couldn’t let it go.”

  Waving my hand in the air as though dismissing the notion, I insisted, “It’s completely okay, Kat. I understand why you did it. I’m grateful to you for doing it. Your actions are responsible for saving this company, me, and the spring collection launch.”

  “If you don’t mind me asking,” she started. “What is happening with the launch?”

  I sighed. “Well, I have Skye coming in for a similar meeting after yours,” I began. “I’m hoping she’ll be willing to come back to Flynn Beauty, too. And then I’ve got to get down to business with pushing out the spring launch. We secured the collection last night from the storage unit. I want to go through it today and make sure everything is there and is as it should be, but I’m pretty sure all will be good. Then, I’m going to wing it.”

  “I’m more than prepared to help you in any way that I can,” Kat said. “And I’m certain Skye will feel the same.”

  Now it was my turn to be overcome with emotions. “Thanks,” I rasped.

  Kat stared at me briefly in silence before she lamented, “I’m so sorry about what happened with Porter, Elise. I’m guessing it’s all still very raw for you, and I’m sure you’ve got a lot to work through. But if you need to talk to anyone, I’m more than willing to lend an ear.”

  Nodding, I replied, “I appreciate that, Kat. Thank you.”

  “So, when do you want me to start again?” she asked.

  “Now, if you’re prepared for it,” I told her.

  “I am.”

  At that, Kat and I both stood from our chairs. I walked around the desk toward her. Then, for the first time since she had started working for me years ago, I pulled her into a hug.

  “I can’t thank you enough, Kat,” I whispered.

  “You did, Elise,” she insisted, hugging me back. “Honestly, don’t think about it anymore.”

  I gave her one more squeeze, let her go, and smiled at her. “It’s good to have you back.”

  “It’s great to be back.”

  Fifteen minutes later, I was sitting across from Skye. And my conversation with her had been pretty much the same as it had been with Kat, with the primary difference being their respective jobs. Skye was more than thrilled to be able to come back and work for Flynn Beauty. I also made sure that she was paid for the weeks she was technically unemployed. On top of that, I gave her a raise. She insisted it wasn’t necessary, but I felt it was more than deserved.

  And when I finished my meeting with Skye, I felt a small glimmer of hope for the first time in a couple of days. Kat, Skye, and I all got to work. And days later, we managed to pull off a successful launch.

  The only thing left to do was wait and see how everyone responded.

  Three weeks later

  “You’re miserable.”

  That came from Scarlet.

  It was Friday evening, and the girls had all come over to my place for a quiet night in. It was much more our speed than going out to party and was something I desperately needed.

  Unable to avoid the truth any longer, I nodded and confirmed, “Yes, I’m miserable.”

  The simple fact was th
at I’d been dodging this gathering for weeks now and had finally reached a point where my friends were no longer going to accept my excuses for not getting together. Quite frankly, while they might have believed they were forcing this meeting on me, I was the one who needed them.

  Because I’d had enough.

  I was, as I’d just admitted, miserable.

  “Tell us what’s on your mind,” Kendall urged.

  I closed my eyes briefly and saw his face. “I miss him,” I rasped when they opened again. “I miss him so much it hurts.”

  “Why did you end things with him to begin with?” Scarlet asked.

  “I thought I was protecting myself,” I explained. “So much was happening all at once, and I panicked. I was convinced that he’d end up walking away from me and hurting me the way it seemed everyone else was.”

  “But from what Logan told me, Kieran was there for you,” Kendall noted. “He said that Kieran had gone above and beyond to help you when everything went down with your brother.”

  “He did,” I confirmed. “And I thanked him by breaking things off.”

  “You broke his heart,” Avery declared, speaking for the first time since the subject had been brought up.

  I felt those words settle somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach. As much as it hurt to hear them, I deserved it.

  “I know,” I admitted quietly.

  Shaking her head at me, Avery said, “Look, Elise, I’m not going to sit here and judge you. We all make mistakes. All three of us have made our fair share, and the guys have, too. But I think you need to consider what you’re doing here. You’re miserable, and I’ve never seen Kieran like this. He’s the new Ryker.” Avery’s eyes slid to Scarlet. “No offense, babe.”

  Scarlet let out a small chuckle and assured her, “None taken. Ryker admitted he was a grump for a long time.”

  “A grump?” I repeated. “You’re telling me Kieran’s a grump?”

  “He’s devastated,” Avery declared. “It’s been bizarre to see him like this because I always thought he was the most level-headed of all the guys. He never seemed to allow his emotions to get out of check one way or the other.”

  That was the Kieran I knew. Level-headed, confident, patient, and in control. I hated to think I’d done something to change that. “And what’s he like now?” I questioned her.