Silver Bells

by Raney,Deborah

  “What is it, then? Hey…” He waited until she met his gaze. “I promise you I would never make fun of your dream. No matter what it is. You surely know me well enough to know I’m a liberated kind of guy. I can handle a woman with aspirations to greatness.”

  “Oh, yeah?” She rolled her eyes. “Can you handle a woman who wants nothing more than to stay home and have babies? Lots of babies?”

  He looked askance at her. “Are you serious? That’s it? That’s what you want.”

  She nodded then dipped her head, looking ashamed.

  “Is that why he dumped you?”

  She shrugged.

  “He’s a fool.” He reached to tip her chin with one finger, forcing her to look at him. “I think that’s the most amazing aspiration you could possibly have. And now you’re probably thinking I’m a male chauvinist pig to say that.”

  She ignored that. “Really? You think that’s amazing?”

  “Well, hang on a minute…” He held up a hand like a stop sign. “How many babies?”

  That earned sweet laughter.

  Before he could weigh the consequences, he closed the gap between them on the couch. “Michelle, I think you’re amazing.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her.

  Her arms came up around his neck and she kissed him back, stroking his hair.

  He came to his senses and gently pushed her away. He unfolded himself from the sofa and went to stand on the other side of the coffee table. Michelle straightened and looked up at him. He thought he saw longing written in her expression, but how could he know it was for him? He couldn’t. For all he knew, she’d kissed Kevin the same way only hours ago.

  She had to decide. And he had to know for sure that if she chose him, she was choosing for the right reasons. Not on the rebound. But first, he had to tell her what he’d called her here to tell her. He stuffed his hands into his front pockets, trying to think how to say it.

  “What’s wrong, Rob?”

  “I’m leaving the Beacon.”

  “What?”

  “I’ve taken a job with the Wichita Eagle…as a reporter.”

  “But…why?”

  “A lot of reasons. And some of them don’t matter anymore, I guess.” He dropped his head, gathering his thoughts.

  “But…when do you start?”

  “I’m giving Dad my two weeks’ notice tomorrow.”

  “Why, Rob? I don’t understand.”

  “Honesty is the best policy.” His father’s words echoed in his head, ingrained in him almost from birth. “The truth is, I wanted to be free to be with you, Michelle. But I can see that’s not an option right now.”

  “You did that for me? Rob…”

  “Yes. And no offense, but it was a stupid thing to do.”

  She looked at him the way she did when she was trying to figure out whether he was teasing. He wasn’t, and he watched her expression change as she realized it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you think I was—”

  “No.” He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. I jumped the gun. Or maybe there never was a gun.”

  “No, Rob. You didn’t misinterpret my—interest in you. Not at all. It’s just that, well, Kevin showing up…? I thought I was over him. I think I am. But—”

  “I know. You have to be sure. I understand that. I do. It’s just lousy timing.”

  “I’m sorry, Rob. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “I’m sorry too. About the kiss.” He pointed to the scene of the crime.

  She gave a little smile. “I’m not.”

  Anger swelled his throat, and he glared at her. “How can you say that in one breath and that you’re not sure you’re over Kevin in the other? I don’t get that, Michelle.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Listen…I need to tell you something, and then that’s all I’m going to say on the topic.”

  She eyed him with curiosity.

  “You take some time to think about what you want. And when you decide what that is, come talk to me. I won’t wait forever, Michelle, but I’ll tell you this much—I know what I want. I’ve known for a long time. And I’ve been willing to do what it takes to go after it. But I’m not going to chase a dream that can never be mine.”

  He paced the short length of the reception area. “I think it’s good I won’t be around here. Yes…it’s good.” He was thinking out loud and trying to rationalize, he knew. Trying to save face, even.

  Michelle rose, looking distressed. “I need to get my things.” She headed toward the back entry.

  He was afraid she’d leave without saying goodbye, yet something wouldn’t let him follow her.

  But she returned a minute later with her coat and scarf. She slowly wound the scarf around her neck. “Rob, I’m so sorry. I can’t say that enough.”

  Well, she had that much right.

  She slipped her coat on and buttoned it from the bottom. “Can we still be friends?”

  “As long we keep our distance.” Again he pointed to the couch, where they’d kissed. Where even now, he wanted to go back and feel the warmth of her in his arms again.

  Instead, he watched her walk away and wondered if he’d lost the dearest friend he had ever known.

  Chapter 34

  The highway was pitch-dark beneath a white fingernail moon. It might scare her parents to death for her to show up on their doorstep at this hour, but Michelle had to go home. She wasn’t sure she could even talk to Mom and Dad about everything that had happened with Rob—and with Kevin. But she couldn’t sit alone in her apartment for one more minute.

  At least she could sleep in her childhood bedroom tonight. Maybe she would find some comfort in that.

  She pulled into the driveway a few minutes later to find the house dark and no one home. Like always, the back door was unlocked, so she went in through the garage, flipping on lights as she went.

  She wandered through the farmhouse she’d grown up in, feeling strangely as if she’d gone back in time. There were such precious memories here. This was the place where she’d become the woman she was now. Mom had lovingly decorated the house over the years when the harvest was good or cattle prices were up—and walking through the house now, Michelle saw it with different eyes. No longer a place she couldn’t wait to launch from, the house now felt like a shelter she could always come back to.

  But tonight it felt empty too. Where were Mom and Dad? It wasn’t like them to be gone this late on a Sunday night. Or any night, now that she and Allen had left home. She hoped everything was okay.

  In the kitchen, she raided the fridge and found a parfait glass of Whip’n Chill. Her favorite—and she hadn’t tasted it in forever. She grabbed a spoon from the dish drainer and took the dessert to the dining room table, where she could watch the driveway.

  She sat there in the dark and enjoyed the fluffy dessert. When Mom and Dad hadn’t shown up by 11:45, she was alarmed. Five minutes later, as she was trying to decide whether to contact the police, she heard a car on the gravel driveway. She went to watch out the dining room window.

  It was them. Relief coursed through her. Instead of pulling into the detached garage, they parked behind her car on the drive. The kitchen door opened and her mother called for her.

  “Michelle?” Mom’s voice came closer. She flipped on the dining room light and gave a little start when she saw Michelle. “What are you doing home? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” She shrugged. “I just didn’t feel like being alone.”

  Her mother studied her with that suspicious look that was so familiar from her high-school years. “Did everything go okay…with Kevin?”

  Another shrug. “I guess.”

  Her dad peeked around the corner just then. “Mish! What are you—” His gaze landed on the empty parfait glass on the table. “Hey! You didn’t eat that last Whip’n Chill, did you?”

  She ignored the question. “Where have you guys been, anyway?”

>   “Your dad took me out to dinner and a movie.”

  “Yes,” her father said, winking at Mom. “When the mice are away, don’t think the cats just pine away in the empty nest.”

  Her parents had always been openly affectionate with each other, but there seemed to be a fresh spark between them. It embarrassed Michelle, even as it made her heart swell, and reminded her of the longing she carried inside.

  “The question is,” Dad was saying, “what is this little mouse doing home? It’s Sunday night. Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

  She affected a pout. “Can’t a girl come home for a visit without getting the third degree?”

  She couldn’t see Mom’s face but could tell by her demeanor that she was giving Dad the tread-lightly signal.

  Dad yawned and stretched. “Well, you girls can stay up as late as you like, but this old cat has to get up early. I think I’ll hit the hay.” He caught on a lot quicker than he had when she was in high school. Either that or he and Mom had perfected their silent communication skills.

  She went to give him a hug.

  After he disappeared up the stairs, Mom looked at Michelle again—a piercing gaze that said, Are you really okay? “So you talked to Kevin. After all this time…” Her parents had always liked Kevin, but Mom sounded almost wistful. “How was he? How’s he holding up?”

  “Okay, I guess.”

  “How was it, seeing him again?”

  “Kind of weird. He…sort of apologized.”

  “For breaking up?” Mom sounded surprised.

  Michelle nodded. “He wants me to ‘keep him in mind.’ ”

  Mom wrinkled her nose. “What does that mean?”

  “I’m not sure. He said he can’t make any promises.”

  “Well, he can’t, Michelle. Not where he is.”

  “I know that, Mom. But now I feel…like I should wait for him.”

  Her mother pulled out a chair and sat down across from her. “I remember a time not so very long ago when that was all you wanted…. To wait for that man.”

  She blew out a sigh. “I know. I’m just… Oh, Mom, I’m just so confused. I don’t know what I want.”

  “What’s going on, honey? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  She looked at her mother, willing her to provide some answers. “Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time?”

  “Is there someone else?”

  Michelle sighed again. “I just came from the Beacon office…talking to Rob. Mom—” She cast her eyes down, afraid to say the words aloud. “I think I might love him.”

  “You were just there tonight?”

  She nodded.

  “Was there anyone else at the office?”

  “No. Why?”

  “I don’t think that was very wise, Michelle.” She had on her stern face.

  “Are you serious? Mom, Rob wouldn’t hurt a flea.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s just not a good idea to be there alone…together. It—well, you know.”

  Did her mother really think they were going to—do something like that—right there in the newspaper office? Good grief. “Mom, nothing happened. Nothing was going to happen.”

  “That’s not the point. People talk. And once a rumor gets started, you can never convince some people that it isn’t true.”

  “It’s not my fault if people want to talk about something that never happened.”

  “Well, you don’t need to give them any fuel for the fire.”

  Michelle rolled her eyes and waved a hand as if she could brush the subject aside. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

  Her mother cringed and closed her eyes, but she didn’t try to stop her.

  Twenty minutes later, tucked into bed in her old room, she heard a soft knock at the door. “Come in.”

  Her mother slipped in, closing the door behind her. “I’m sorry.” Mom flipped on the bedside lamp and sat down on the side of the bed. She patted Michelle’s hand. “I forget sometimes that you’re not my little girl anymore.”

  Michelle smiled, but her face melted into a frown and she felt tears hot behind her eyelids. “What should I do, Mom? I don’t know how to feel about either one of them. I think I love them both. How can that be? I thought I was over Kevin, but seeing him…I missed him. But then, when I was with Rob tonight… Oh, Mom, he’s so wonderful. He’s amazing. What do I do?” The words came out in a moan.

  “Michelle, you know what to do. You know the answer. If I tell you, you’ll just roll your eyes and accuse me of preaching at you. But your dad and I have taught you since you could barely walk what to do when you’re scared, when you’re confused, when you have a problem, when you don’t know the answer, when you’re hurting. You know what to do.” She reached up and turned off the lamp. “Oh, sweet daughter of mine”—she planted a kiss on the crown of Michelle’s head—“I love you more than life itself, and I’m going to leave you alone now. Everything will turn out fine. Just maybe not by tomorrow.” She gave a serene smile and closed the door behind her, leaving a slash of golden light from the hallway across the worn carpet.

  Michelle looked at the back of the door, her heart full of love for her mother, for this home full of love that she’d grown up in. All the tension drained from her body, and she closed her eyes and sought the One who held every answer she needed. The One who had been waiting for her all along.

  Chapter 35

  It was well after ten when Rob crept into the house. His father usually went to bed early on Sunday nights, but there was a light on in the den, so Rob started up the stairs without raiding the kitchen for his customary bedtime snack. He wasn’t hungry anyway.

  And he sure didn’t feel like talking.

  He took the steps two at a time to avoid the creaky stair tread, but before he reached the first landing, Dad called his name from the hallway.

  Rob turned around, one hand still on the bannister. “Hey, Dad. You still up?”

  “Where have you been?”

  “Didn’t you see my note?” He nodded in the direction of the kitchen.

  “It didn’t say where you’d been.”

  “I just—went in to the office for a while. Caught up on some work.” That much was true. He’d stayed for an hour after Michelle left, just trying to sort things out.

  “I just got off the phone with Harv Slabaugh.”

  Not good. Slabaugh was a bigwig at the Eagle. Rob stood still, no doubt looking like a possum caught in the headlights.

  “Harv called to apologize for stealing my son away from the Beacon. You want to tell me what’s going on, son?”

  “Dad—” What could he say? He hadn’t thought to tell Personnel at the Eagle not to mention it to his father yet. He shouldn’t have needed to. Whatever happened to discretion and privacy? “I was going to tell you.”

  “When were you going to tell me? Do you know how foolish I felt, hearing that news from Harv?” In the harsh light from the hallway lamp, his father looked a decade older than his fifty-eight years.

  “I was waiting—” He’d started to say he was waiting until he told Michelle, but there was no way he was going to tell his father that now. Not only would it make him look like a bigger fool than he was, but it might get Michelle into trouble too. “I don’t start for two and a half weeks. That should give you time to find someone else, and I’ll be sure to—”

  “That’s not the issue…not the issue at all, Robert.” His dad walked slowly to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at him, his shoulders hunched as if they carried a heavy burden. “Are you that unhappy at work?”

  “No, that’s not—”

  “Why didn’t you say something? Are they paying you more? Because if you ask me, you’re getting a pretty good deal right here.” His jaw clenched. He looked more angry than hurt now.

  “Dad…” Rob came halfway down the flight of stairs and sat heavily on a step, resting his forearms on his thighs. “I don’t want you
to think I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for me. It’s not that at all. It’s just that…I need to do some things on my own. Not always be in your shadow. I don’t even know if I have any talent in this business.”

  “You have talent, son. You just need some experience to develop it. That’s what I thought I was offering you.”

  “I know. And I do truly appreciate it.”

  “You’re leaving us shorthanded. You know that.”

  “That’s why I made sure they knew I’d need two weeks before I start.”

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with Michelle Penn, does it?”

  He knew his silence said far more than he wanted his father to know. “I don’t agree with your policy on that. But it’s more than that—my reasons for leaving, I mean.”

  “If I lifted the ban on fraternization, would that change your mind?”

  “I don’t know if that’s even an issue anymore, Dad.” He knew he should tell his father the whole truth—that Michelle had been almost his sole reason for wanting to leave the Beacon. He could see in the slump of Dad’s shoulders and in the dullness of his eyes that his decision cut deeply. But he wasn’t ready to share about Michelle yet. He was hurting too. And confused and embarrassed that he’d made such a huge decision for a woman whose heart he wasn’t even sure he’d captured.

  That was something he simply couldn’t admit to his dad. Not when he could barely admit it to himself.

  * * *

  Michelle slid a pencil behind her ear then twisted a tendril of hair around it. Her concentration was shot, and she still had two stories to finish before five o’clock. But all she could think about was the man in the cubicle beside hers.

  Rob had kept to himself all day, his nose to his Selectric, whenever she caught a glimpse over the partition. But from the silence of his keyboard, he wasn’t having any better luck getting the words to flow than she was.

  To make matters worse, things were taut between Robert Sr. and Robert III. If it hadn’t been drilled into her to “avoid clichés like the plague,” she would have said the tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. She hadn’t heard father and son so much as speak to each other all morning, but Robert Sr. was making up for it by growling at anyone else who crossed his path.