In Too Deep

by Mary Connealy

  He’d have pondered the wonder of having a barefoot woman in his bed if Seth’s screams hadn’t been at risk of waking the children.

  “I’m burning! Rafe! Ethan! Help me!” Seth’s arms blocked his eyes, then flew wide. Staring at nothing, Seth flailed and slapped at his neck and back and arms.

  Trying to put out the fire.

  It made Ethan heartsick.

  Audra rushed around Ethan to get to the far side of the bed. Ethan beat her to Seth. Ducked the swinging fists. Grabbed Seth by his nightshirt.

  “No, Ethan, don’t.” Audra grabbed at Seth, but Ethan was quicker.

  Dragging Seth off the bed with one hand, Ethan picked up a pitcher with his other and dumped water on Seth’s face just as Seth hit the floor with a dull thud.

  The screaming stopped.

  Sputtering, and swiping at his dripping face, Seth shook his head. Touching his neck and shoulder, probably to make sure the fire was out, he blinked his eyes and looked up at Ethan.

  “That was pure mean, Ethan Kincaid.” Audra came back to Ethan’s side.

  “No, it wasn’t. Right, Seth?”

  Seth’s eyes, still puffy from sleep, blinked owlishly. Ethan grabbed a towel that he’d brought earlier, along with the water, for just this reason and tossed it at Seth.

  Seth grabbed hold of the towel and started mopping his face. “Yep, put an end to the dream right quick. I appreciate it, Eth.”

  “You didn’t have to drag him off the bed.” Audra jammed her fists on her slender hips, and Ethan had the devil’s own time looking away from her . . . her fists.

  “There was no sense soaking the bed.”

  “That’s right, Audra. He did that last night. Pure nuisance changing sheets in the night.”

  Audra crossed her arms across her chest and glared at Ethan.

  He had the devil’s own time looking away from her . . . her arms.

  “He needs to be awakened gently.” Her little bare foot started tapping.

  Ethan tore his eyes away from his very own wife and her adorable fists, arms, and feet. A wife he’d sworn to love and honor in a ceremony duly witnessed and blessed by God and man. A ceremony that gave him responsibilities . . . and rights.

  Ethan forced himself to look down at Seth. “Reckon you were in a hurry to be awake, weren’t you, little brother?”

  Seth stood up and went to the chest in his room. “Yep. No sense tiptoeing around with a thing like that. Best to just get on with it.” Pulling out a dry nightshirt, Seth turned around and seemed to freeze at the sight of Audra, like maybe just now he was really fully waking up. “You shouldn’t come in here in your nightgown.”

  Ethan thought about throwing more water on Seth.

  Audra gasped, looked down at herself, glared at Ethan, then rushed out of the room.

  “Strange having a woman around the place,” Seth said, wiping at his head a few more times as he moved back to the bed.

  “Stranger still having babies around,” Ethan said. He listened but there was no crying. Lily had been sleeping longer every night, and he held out hope she might make it till morning one of these times. Now, if only Seth would.

  Seth smiled so wide that his teeth gleamed in the moonlight. “I think you made Audra mad. Best to go apologize.”

  “I won’t wake you up that way again if you say the word. I decided it was best.” Ethan didn’t think his black eye showed in the dim light, but Seth had seen it sure enough in the daytime. Quieting Seth once or twice a night had gotten to be a pure nuisance.

  “Sorry about the nightmares,” Seth said. “Wonder if they’ll ever stop. I can move out of here if’n you want, Eth. I know I’m hard to have around.”

  “Nope. Not yet. We’ve got a few more months before we have to get a house up on your homestead. I think you oughta be around people awhile longer. Maybe the nightmares’ll stop and you’ll be able to get on with building a home then.” Ethan brightened. “Hey, you oughta get a wife, too. It’s a fine thing having a woman around.”

  Seth’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully, and the wildness that always gleamed in them when he woke up from a nightmare tamed a bit. “A wife? That seems like a bad idea.”

  “Why? You need someone to cook for you, right?”

  “I don’t know exactly, but the thought of taking a wife just seems all wrong.”

  “Well, since there aren’t any women around for a hundred miles, it probably don’t matter none anyway.”

  Shrugging, Seth jerked his head toward the door. “Get on out now. And tell Audra you’re sorry. Tomorrow I’ll tell her I wanna be woke up like that every night.”

  Ethan turned to leave. He began to look forward to apologizing before he was out the door.

  His room was only about ten steps down the hallway, but he was almost running by the time he got there.

  He swung open the door in time to see Audra climbing into bed. He closed the door behind him and hurried to get in on his own side.

  “I’m sorry I upset you by waking Seth up that way.” True enough. He wasn’t sorry he’d done it—just sorry she didn’t like it.

  She turned on her side, lifted herself up on one elbow to face him, and whispered, “We need to be gentle with him, Ethan.”

  Ethan leaned closer, not one bit opposed to getting close enough to whisper. “But don’t you think getting him out of the nightmare fast is better than being gentle?” Ethan forgot about maybe coaxing a good-night kiss or two out of his wife and asked, “Do you think he’ll ever get over the dreams?”

  Audra was still for a moment, then gave a tiny shrug. “Poor Seth,” she said with a frown.

  Watching her lips turn down reminded Ethan that Seth was fine. Completely fine.

  For a lunatic.

  “Well, we can talk about a more . . . um, gentle way to, uh . . .” He kissed his wife.

  Who kissed him back.

  “I mean, we don’t want him . . . um . . .” He snuck in another kiss.

  He’d forgotten all about what had awakened him when he felt Audra push on his shoulders. It almost wrenched his muscles apart to ease back from her. He looked into her eyes. Such pretty blue eyes. Even in the darkened bedroom he knew that.

  “We can’t, Ethan.” Audra looked almost as if she regretted saying it.

  “Sure we can.” He could be more careful with Seth, to make his wife happy. Even if Seth gave him a black eye every day for the rest of his life.

  “No. I’m sorry.”

  “We can’t be nice to Seth?” It seemed to him that Audra had changed her opinion kind of sudden-like. “Okay, well, good then. We agree. I’ll wake him up quick. And no sense soaking the bed, so dragging him onto the floor makes sense. Maybe tomorrow I’ll drop a pillow on the floor first so he don’t crack his head. Plus, he keeps trying to punch me, so I don’t see any reason to stand there and take a beating while my brother is locked in a nightmare. So we’ll keep doing it my way then.”

  “Oh, I was talking about something else.”

  Ethan raised up on his elbow. “Really? What?”

  She didn’t answer for too long. “We can be nice.”

  “But you just said we can’t.”

  “I meant we can’t . . . can’t . . .” She fell silent.

  A wife was a confusing critter. “Don’t you think waking him up quick is a mercy?” Ethan rolled to his back and pulled his pretty little wife close enough so her head was cradled on his shoulder.

  Audra’s hand settled on his chest, right over his heart. It made him think of how much it hurt to care about someone. How much it had hurt to see Seth burned. How much better it was to float along through life without getting upset over every little thing, like taking a wife or taunting your badly burned little brother. That attitude had served him well. But Audra’s hand was nice. Holding her was nice. He was tempted to care about her. And the temptation was about more than feelings. It was about holding her close. Being her husband in all ways.

  Ethan was a master at not thinking about ho
w he felt. Right now it took a lot of effort to crush the image of a few ways he could be her husband. Before he got his unruly thoughts under control, he had a few ideas that threatened to make him care for his wife something fierce.

  “Go to sleep, darlin’.” Ethan gave her a kiss on the forehead and hugged her a little closer. “In the morning we’ll ask Seth how he wants to wake up from his nightmares.”

  After a few weeks of owning his own ranch, Ethan had his life down to a routine.

  Seth screaming in the night—which had him tired to the bone.

  A warm woman to share his bed, even if she didn’t exactly share it fully—which was driving him out of his mind.

  A crew of cowhands who mentioned Rafe way too often and had a better idea every time Ethan gave an order—which made him mad enough to want to punch every one of them.

  It was a routine all right.

  A routine that made him want to hit his head against something really hard.

  A snort of what could be distress sounded from the stall right below him. It was the mare Ethan had ridden home. She was a game little thing, a thoroughbred. He’d bred her to a beauty of a stallion he’d found in California.

  He pitched more straw down to make sure she had a soft bed for herself and the baby she was due to have soon.

  From the restless look of her, soon was right now.

  “Steele!” Ethan stabbed the pitchfork hard into the straw, swung down the ladder, and moved quietly to study the mare.

  Steele came rushing in. “What’s goin’ on?”

  Ethan heard the tone. Steele figured there was trouble Ethan couldn’t handle. He clamped his jaw shut to hold back the irritation. As soon as he could trust himself, he smiled.

  “Looks like there’s a foal coming.” Ethan turned to his mare. He’d had her for a few years now and the sire was another thoroughbred. “It oughta be quite a baby.”

  “I’ll check her.” Steele reached for the gate to the stall just as hoofbeats sounded outside. They both turned to look through the big double doors of the barn to see Rafe riding into the ranch yard with Julia at his side.

  “Good, glad to have him here. Rafe’s a hand with horses.” Steele headed for the door.

  Ethan clenched a fist. Then he gave the pretty black mare one more look. Satisfied he couldn’t do anything right now except bother her, he went to greet his brother. Steele had already told Rafe what was going on.

  “Have you got time to stay until the baby’s born?” Steele asked as Ethan walked up.

  Rafe looked at Julia. “It could take a while, honey.”

  Rafe was asking permission.

  Stunned, Ethan finally managed a real smile, instead of his handy fake one.

  “I’m looking forward to a long visit with Audra,” Julia said, then looked eagerly at the house. “Taking a while suits me just fine.”

  “You can stay the night if you have to.” Steele’s invitation smacked of true worry for the horse—with only Ethan to help her deliver.

  “It’s almost time for the noon meal,” Ethan said. “Go on inside, Julia.”

  As if he could have stopped her.

  “Rafe, come and take a look at her. I’ve been keeping her locked up so she’d foal in the barn, but she’s just getting started. I think there’ll be time to eat.”

  Ethan stood back and watched Rafe take over.

  “How big was the stallion you bred her to?” Rafe went in the stall. The mare was lying down, looking calm enough to take a long nap. She turned her head and whickered at Rafe, but stayed down. He dropped to his knees by her belly and ran experienced hands over her.

  “He was a big brute. And this is her first foal.” Ethan leaned on the top board of the stall, and Steele settled in beside him. No sense all of them trooping in to scare the mother.

  Seth came into the barn to join them. “Hi, Rafe.”

  Rafe looked up at Seth with a smile that didn’t hide worried eyes. “You’re looking good, Seth. Putting some meat on those bones.”

  Ethan knew his big brother well. The worry was for Seth, not the mare. Rafe looked between Ethan and Seth with contentment on his face. Worried contentment, but contentment just the same.

  They were together.

  Three brothers against the world.

  It was nice, even if Seth was a little bit crazy and Ethan couldn’t get any respect.

  Seth went in the stall. “Is she getting ready to birth her foal?”

  Ethan opened his mouth to stop him, then let him go. Seth had always been good with horses and Rafe could handle it if Seth started acting up.

  “Yep,” Rafe said, going back to petting the young mother. Seth went to the mare’s head and began scratching her between the ears. She seemed to relax under his touch.

  Ethan, with nothing to do, looked around the barn Rafe had as good as rebuilt. Nothing was the way Ethan remembered it. “Did you do all this work on the barn and the house after Pa died, Rafe?”

  Rafe gave Ethan’s black mare a couple of caressing pats on her shoulder, then looked up at Ethan. “I started it shortly after you two took off. Pa got so he was gone a lot.”

  “Running traplines?” Ethan asked.

  “Yep, but instead of being gone a week at a time, he started being gone more than he was home. So I ran the ranch to suit myself. Pa always complained when he saw me fussing with things he thought of as nonsense, but finally he quit jabbing at me about it. If he didn’t see how much time I wasted, he let it go.”

  “Your pa died while he was back here one spring,” Steele said. “He came out of the mountains, gone all winter.”

  “We figured he’d gotten snowed in way up in the hills somewhere those last few years of his life,” Rafe said. “He came in with a winter’s worth of furs packed on three old mules. He got here, burning up with fever. He died fast.”

  Ethan didn’t want to think about their father. Pa had as good as quit on the family long before Ma had died, and he’d been a grouchy old cuss when he was around.

  “So I sold the furs and the mules and ended up with a nice pile of money. I saved it and I reckon a third should go to each of you. A third of the ranch, too.” Rafe looked at Seth. “To make that good, I’ll help you build a cabin on the land you homesteaded and buy up a few more water holes in your name and we’ll split the cattle. That sound fair to you?”

  “I’m gonna get my own cabin?” Seth asked. He looked doubtful. “I like Audra’s cooking real fine. I want to live here. Or maybe with you, Rafe. I like having a woman around the place.” Then he froze, his hands motionless on the mare’s neck. He got a strange expression on his face, as if he was looking at something that wasn’t there.

  “What’s the matter, Seth?” Ethan hoped whatever it was didn’t include any waking nightmares. His horse wouldn’t appreciate it.

  Seth shook his head. “Strange.”

  “What?” Rafe asked. “What’s strange?”

  “I just had a strange notion about a woman.”

  “About Audra or Julia?” Ethan exchanged a glance with Rafe.

  “No. Some other woman. I think . . .” Seth shook his head again. “Nope, she’s gone.”

  “Gone from your head or gone from your life?”

  “I think . . . I don’t know. I just pictured her in my head for a minute. I must’ve seen her, or maybe I spent some time in the hospital after I got out of Andersonville. She must’ve nursed me. I think that’s it.” Seth turned away from whatever had distracted him and went back to petting the laboring thoroughbred.

  Ethan turned back to Rafe. “What about the fixing you did to the house? Pa didn’t complain about all the work you did on the porch, all those spindles?”

  “Nope. Not much anyway. And what he did say didn’t interest me much. I put new cupboards in the kitchen and I did the stairway railings and put the carved molding along the ceiling and mopboards along the floors. He didn’t even seem to notice. I think he thought of the place as my home then. I reckoned he had a cabin up in
the mountains that suited him better than the ranch. Now I’m doing all that in my own house, and I can do it for yours too, Seth, if you want.”

  Ethan remembered Rafe as always whittling or fussing with wood. He had a knack for building and carving, for making things pretty. Pa had said it was a waste of time. Ethan recalled Pa’s mocking words when Rafe had carved scrollwork into the back of one of their kitchen chairs. After that, Rafe had left things around the homeplace to suit Pa and started carving miniature animals and people. He’d made a tiny ranch yard with corrals and buildings.

  Ethan remembered the whittled toys well. A barn and a house with a porch. Corrals and cows and horses. Three brothers living in the house. Ethan couldn’t remember Rafe ever making a ma and pa, though. Ethan hadn’t thought of that until right now.

  That little ranch Rafe had carved looked a lot like the Kincaid Ranch did now. Rafe had been making toys back then, but he’d been planning too, whether he knew it or not.

  When Maggie got older, Ethan would hunt those toys up for her to play with. Ethan wondered if Rafe would want them for his own children.

  Or maybe he’d make another set. Maybe his toy-whittling days were over. Instead, the ranch, Ethan’s ranch, had Rafe’s mark all over it. One more thing that kept Rafe in charge of this place.

  Ethan was real tired of being a poor example compared to Rafe.

  “Dinner!” Audra’s pretty voice called. Then she used a metal bar to clang the three sides of an iron triangle. From Ethan’s earliest memory, that triangle had been hanging on the back door of the house, calling his family to mealtime.

  Ethan smiled at the sound of his wife’s voice, as musical as the ringing triangle. He didn’t mind Rafe’s work so much, knowing it made a nice home for Audra.

  “We can leave the mare for a while,” Rafe said. “Let’s go eat.”

  Rafe’s eyes shifted to Ethan as he left the stall a few steps ahead of Seth. He whispered, “We didn’t exactly come for a visit.”

  Ethan arched a brow.

  “Julia wants Seth.” Rafe glanced behind him and moved a bit faster so they could talk without Seth hearing. Seth was slow in leaving the mare, so they had a minute to themselves.