Hold Me Now

by J. H. Croix

  None of that mattered, yet it all mattered. At some point, I wouldn't be able to keep avoiding her all the time. We lived in the same house, for fuck’s sake. Even though she wanted to dispute the technicalities of it, we were roommates.

  I rested my palms against the tiled wall of the shower one morning, letting my head hang down as the hot water pounded between my shoulder blades. The heat eased the soreness there. I'd been going in early and working out at the station, pushing myself to the limit. Graham even commented on it, but I’d just told him I wanted to get in better shape. That seemed like something a guy could say, especially when said guy’s job required being intensely fit at all times. He'd accepted my explanation, but not without first giving me a searching look. As luck would have it, his new girlfriend, Madison, showed up and distracted him.

  I was happy for Graham. He’d been raising his daughter on his own for years. He was a solid friend and a good guy who deserved to find love. I couldn't help but chuckle as I straightened. He still seemed surprised by Madison. While there wasn't a single spark for me with her, I wasn't blind. She was a stunner. It was good to see them together. Of course, thinking about that had me thinking about my mother's conversation with me the other night.

  For fuck’s sake, she could not let it go. She felt like I should be in a relationship by now. My father’s death had hit us both hard. I still missed him and knew I would for the rest of my life. Just thinking about him now caused my heart to give an achy thump. My mom had gotten past the initial shock of her grief. For reasons I didn’t understand, she was now focused on making sure I found someone to love. She kept saying she didn't want me to miss having what she and my dad had.

  I groaned. I was in a muddle. Between my mom not shutting up about love and that fiery night with Paisley, nothing felt clear anymore. I'd honestly believed I could keep things casual. When Paisley said we had to keep it that way, I thought that was smart. I just hadn't fully comprehended the effect she would have on me.

  Although I was studiously avoiding her, it rankled that she was doing the same in return. I couldn't tell if that meant she wasn't as affected by me as I was her or something else. I gave my head a shake and looked down. I wasn't even thinking about her in a sexual way, and my cock was swelling at the mere thought of her.

  I did what I'd been doing almost daily since our night together and went for a quick release in the shower. It wasn't even that satisfying, but it took the edge off my need for her.

  After getting dressed, I went upstairs, assuming she wouldn't be around, and was surprised to find her in the kitchen. She was wearing a loose T-shirt and a pair of leggings. I wanted to yank all of her clothes off, bend her over the counter, and fuck her right here in the kitchen. My cock twitched again, and I kicked those thoughts to the curb. She spun around quickly, her eyes widening when she saw me.

  “Morning, Paisley,” I said, dipping my chin slightly as I walked past her.

  I started the coffeemaker, and I sensed her leaving the room. My hackles rose, and I turned. “Are you seriously not going to say anything?” I called.

  She stopped in the archway, and I saw the set of her shoulders stiffen. Turning to face me, she narrowed her eyes. “Good morning, Russell,” she said politely.

  Her tone was crisp and stilted. Without another word, she turned and walked away. I didn't miss the pink flush staining her cheeks. I had to clench my hands into fists to keep from following her. Snagging a container of yogurt out of the fridge, I devoured it. While I waited for the coffee to finish, the house phone rang again, the sound jarring in the room.

  Curious, I crossed over and answered it. “Hello.”

  “Hi there, I'm looking for Paisley,” a man said.

  “Sure. Can I ask who's calling?”

  “It's her brother.”

  “Okay, give me a second. She's upstairs.”

  Setting the phone on the counter and chuckling as I looked at the long cord, I turned and jogged up the stairs. Paisley had closed her door.

  I knocked, calling out, “Paisley, you've got a phone call.”

  I could’ve just turned and gone back downstairs. Instead, I waited—because I craved being close to her. It wasn't as if I expected to act on my urges, but I wanted to be near her. I wanted to absorb the feel of her presence, even if it was her prickly attitude. I wanted to watch her eyes and the way they darkened.

  A full minute passed as I waited. After a glance at my watch, I knocked again. “Paisley?”

  She opened the door, a crease forming between her brows. “What’s up?”

  “You have a phone call.”

  A stillness settled in her expression. “Okay,” she finally said. “On the house phone?”

  “Yeah, it's your brother.”

  For a split second, I could’ve sworn I saw fear in her eyes, followed immediately by sadness and then irritation. Brushing past me, she jogged down the stairs while I followed. My eyes lingered on the lush curve of her bottom.

  A moment later, she picked up the phone in the kitchen. “Hey,” she said curtly.

  I couldn't hear what her brother said, but she nodded along before saying, “I haven't said anything to Mom and Dad. I told you that.”

  My curiosity was piqued, but I kept my back to her while I got my coffee ready. She didn't need to know just how curious I was. Something felt off about her brother. A moment later, she hung up the phone. I glanced over my shoulder to see her hand still curled around the phone receiver, her knuckles almost white. Her other hand was curled into a fist at her side. Her cheeks had two bright pink spots just under her eyes. She looked upset and shaken.

  I acted on reflex. “Are you okay?” I crossed over to her.

  Her gaze bounced to me before darting away. She uncurled her hand from the receiver and set it in the cradle before shrugging. “I'm fine.” Her tone was flat, and it was obvious she was anything but fine.

  “Hey,” I said, resting my hands on her shoulders. “You don't look fine. What’s wrong?”

  When she looked up at me, I could see her almost warring with herself before she let out a deep sigh. A tear rolled down her cheek. Aw, hell. I didn't handle crying well. I didn't know what to do, so I simply folded my arms around her.

  “I don't know what's going on, but it'll be okay.”

  I could feel a subtle tremor running through her, and I was startled at the deep protectiveness that coursed through me. I didn't know what was going on with her brother, but whatever she was upset about had something to do with him, and I didn’t like it.

  I held her carefully, sliding one palm up and down her back in soothing passes. “It'll be okay,” I repeated.

  She shook her head against my chest, mumbling, “No, I don't think it will.”

  I took a step back, sliding my hands down her arms before releasing one and lifting her chin with a slight nudge of my knuckles. “What's wrong? Can I help?”

  She blinked, her eyes intensely green. Her lashes were spiky from the tears she wiped away with a palm. She shrugged again. “I appreciate you asking, but I don't think so. My brother's an idiot.”

  “Is he?” I heard myself asking. “It can't be all that bad.”

  She swallowed audibly. “It's a mess is what it is, and I don't know how to fix it.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She shook her head. I glanced at the clock on the wall above the phone. “Well, what are you planning to do today?”

  She shrugged. “I didn't have any plans.”

  “Let's go for a hike.”

  Her brows hitched up, her eyes widening. “A hike?”

  “Yeah, a hike.”

  “You and me?” she prompted.

  My lips tugged into a smile. “Yes, you and me, go for a hike. Or I don't know, whatever you want to do.” I wanted to take her mind off her brother and whatever the hell was going on with him. “We could go to the beach. Have you been there yet?” She shook her head. “Let's go then. I'll drive you down to one of my favori
te spots.” She was still eyeing me curiously like she wasn’t sure. “Maybe I can't help you with your brother, or maybe you don't want me to help you, but a little distraction can’t hurt. Especially when you're feeling helpless about something.”

  Paisley smiled slowly, and it felt like a banner unfurling across my heart. I really wanted her to smile. I wanted to chase away whatever was worrying her. I didn't even want to think too much about how important it was for me that she felt okay.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Russell

  I should have thought this through. Driving in my truck with Paisley made me acutely aware of the space inside my truck cab more than anything ever had. She was right here. I could reach across the console and touch her if I wanted. Her scent drifted around me, and she smelled a little sweet. She was looking out the window as I drove, and I caught myself sneaking glances of her—again and again and again. I loved the lines of her profile, the sweep of her cheekbone, and the way her nose tipped up at the end.

  My eyes tracked the smattering of freckles on her cheeks, looking like gold dust in the filtered sunlight cast through the window. She turned, almost catching me looking at her.

  “Can I roll the window down?”

  I glanced her way again. “Sure, but it's a little chilly out.”

  “I don't mind. I love the smell of the ocean.”

  I felt my lips tugging into a smile. “Go for it. If you get cold, we'll just blast the heat.”

  Paisley laughed, and I was glad to see her relaxing. I couldn't help but worry about whatever the hell was going on with her brother, but I kicked those worries away for now. This was the second time he’d called the house phone, which, in all honesty, was odd. That house phone was there only because my parents had put it there years back when they built the place. That was well before cell phones were commonly used.

  The house had been modernized, but we still had that phone line. As my dad pointed out the year before he passed away, cell reception was sometimes questionable. It was just strange that her brother didn’t call her cell phone. Even my mom rarely called that landline when she called me.

  Autumn air swirled into the truck when Paisley cracked her window. The air was bracing and cool, but I didn’t mind. I loved the smell of fall. The air was crisp, carrying the scents of evergreen, hints of woodsmoke, and the rich, earthy feel of everything falling back to the ground to be covered up by the snow.

  “Oh, I can see the ocean!” Paisley was pointing in the distance, where Cook Inlet was visible through the trees.

  I smiled over at her. “Give it a few, and you’ll have a better view.”

  Only moments later, we rounded a curve in the highway cresting the top of a hill. The view of the inlet spilled out in front of us. Alaska was abundant with its natural beauty. Growing up here, I felt spoiled sometimes. I’d never tired of it, and I’d even missed it while I was gone in college. The jagged peaks of a mountain range in the distance were dark against the skyline, and the sunlight glittered on the water like hard diamonds.

  “Where are we going?” Paisley rolled up her window, the last word of her question loud once the wind stopped.

  “There’s a viewing area where we can park and walk along the beach.”

  She actually bounced in her seat. “Really?”

  “That’s what I said.” I chuckled, adding, “You rolled up the window.”

  She shrugged. “It is chilly. I’m glad I wore my jacket and my boots.” She bounced her heels on the floor. She was short, her feet barely reaching the floorboard in my truck.

  Of course, because my mind had a problem when it came to Paisley, that thought was followed by the memory of how she fit perfectly against me. My body recalled the visceral feel of her legs curled around my hips. I mentally groaned. Fuck me. I needed to get a handle on this.

  I kept my eyes on the road and was relieved Paisley seemed content to look out the window. A few minutes later, I slowed down and turned off the highway. We drove down a narrow gravel road through a cluster of trees that opened up to a clearing and a rocky beach.

  Paisley practically leaped out once I parked. I turned off the engine and pocketed my keys, making sure to lock my truck. Crime was low in Alaska, but parking in secluded areas sometimes led to people helping themselves if the opportunity offered itself.

  I followed Paisley as she hurried down a slope to the rocky beach. She stopped, lifting her head and glancing around. “It's so beautiful.” Her eyes were wide when she looked over at me. “Does it ever get old?”

  An eagle screeched in the air, and she looked away, her eyes scanning the area. I pointed down the beach. “See that outcropping of trees on the bluff? They usually nest right there.”

  An eagle proved me right by flying out of the trees and screeching again as if it had heard me. “It never gets old.”

  "Wow." Paisley’s tone was reverential as she watched the massive bird take flight. "I've seen plenty of eagles in Willow Brook, but I’m still shocked by how big they are."

  I chuckled. "Have you been to the town transfer station yet?"

  Her head whipped my way, questions swirling in her eyes. “The transfer station?”

  “Yeah, it’s the best place to see them. It's open tomorrow. You can go with me. I need to swing by anyway.”

  She blinked at me. “Are you serious?”

  “Absolutely. They're scavenger birds and not picky, so the transfer station offers them easy dining. They also love to hang around the cleaning stations near the fishing areas and docks.”

  “Cleaning stations?”

  “Tables where people fillet the fish they catch.”

  Paisley laughed. “Eagles are so majestic, but that makes them sound lazy.”

  I shrugged. “They’re smart and opportunistic. No sense in making more work when it's not necessary.” I gestured for her to follow me. “Come on, let’s walk.”

  We meandered along the shoreline, and I promptly discovered she loved rocks. Alaska's beaches had excellent rocks. While the gray rocks dominated, they were mingled with colors—red, green, purple, pink, orange, and the occasional lava that had fallen in the ocean and formed into almost weightless shapes. Paisley filled her pockets and then mine.

  The sun was giving its bow in the sky when I glanced over at Paisley. “We should probably head back.” I looked at my watch. “I want to get back to the truck before it gets dark. We're pretty safe here, but we are in bear country, and moose are always nearby.”

  Paisley's eyes widened, and she immediately turned, picking up her pace as we began to walk back toward the parking area. When I heard a splashing sound, I glanced over to see a seal rising out of the water. I tapped Paisley on the shoulder, pointing toward the seal.

  She clapped her hand to her mouth. “Oh, my god! It's a seal. They're so cute.” Her eyes glittered with excitement when she looked back at me, and my heart twisted sharply in my chest.

  Not only had that night with her been the hottest night in my life but she also got to me. My reaction to her had shifted from one of irritation and lust to like, and perhaps more than lust. I danced away from those thoughts like a horse shying when startled.

  “Cute, aren't they? They're also curious. I wouldn't be surprised if this one follows us all the way back to the parking area.”

  Her brows hitched up in question as she cast me a doubtful look.

  “You watch.”

  Just as the eagle had earlier, the seal proved me right. It dived under the water and repeatedly surfaced again as we walked, always glancing over as if to check on what we were doing. We reached the parking area just as the sun touched the top of a mountain range in the distance. The bright orange ball in the sky left a wake of colors swirling behind it. An owl called nearby, and I breathed in the crisp ocean air before glancing down at Paisley.

  Her green eyes blinked as she looked up at me, and it felt as if she sent a dart to the corner of my heart. The need to kiss her slammed into me so fiercely it stole my breath.r />
  Chapter Eighteen

  Paisley

  Russell stared down at me, his eyes darkening. With the light fading as dusk took hold, I felt caught in the beam of his gaze. I could hear the vroom of my pulse picking up speed. My breath was shallow as heat bloomed through me in a wash, sending goose bumps prickling over the surface of my skin.

  An owl called in the distance again, a magpie chattering in return. The two birds’ activity intersected at this between time of twilight. The sky swirled with the sounds of nature around us—the slow rhythm of the tide going out, a quiet splash in the water, the subtle sound of a chilly gust of air, and another call from an owl. I felt pulled, all of me leaning toward Russell. I didn't know if I was physically leaning, but it felt as if I were on a cellular level. There was a tug in my heart as he looked down at me.

  I was used to feeling small because I was short. However, I wasn't accustomed to the feeling Russell elicited—this desire to let myself tumble into his strength. I was so used to wanting to catch up, to be fast, to be strong, to be quick, to prove myself like the little sister I was. And then later, the tomboy turning into a woman who'd fallen in love with a career primarily dominated by men. I wanted to forget that urge just now.

  And somehow, Russell gave me that permission. That should’ve given me pause and made me more sensible. Yet I'd already been colossally unsensible with him.

  I didn't know who moved first, but we both moved toward each other, erasing the distance between us. I could hear the rush of blood in my ears as the echoing beat of my heart reverberated through my entire body. Heat spun in fiery pinwheels as little bonfires alighted throughout me.

  His dark eyes searched mine, and the only relief I felt at this moment was seeing the need in his gaze mirroring mine. I couldn't hide it. Sweet hell, I wanted this man so badly. My need was a fist pounding on the door.

  “Tell me something,” he murmured, his words barely breaking through. “Is it crazy for us to do this again?”