Olinda's Adventures: or the Amours of a Young Lady

by Catharine Trotter

  [Decoration]

  LETTER VI.

  IF I did not know to the contrary by my own Experience; you wou'd makeme believe, that Friendship and Love can't be contain'd in one Breast.Is it possible you can be so much taken up with _Ambrisia_, that youhave not time enough to tell me of it; and that in this Solitude, Ishould hear of _Cleander's_ Affairs from two or three, before I knew anything of 'em from himself: They tell me you are every day with your NewMistress, and that you are well receiv'd there. I should be pleas'd withit, if I did not fear, instead of finding two Friends, to lose that one,whose Friendship I prefer to all other things: But you'll make me almostJealous of her if you don't write quickly, for this is my fourth sinceI've heard from you. Tell me _Cleander_, you that search into the Natureof things, that know the Passions of Men; how they are form'd in theSoul, and by what means, and what Degrees they rise; tell me how I maygive that Awe, that fear, or that Respect which I hear often talk'd of,that makes Men not dare to tell a Woman that they love her. Is it theGrave, the Sour, the Proud, or modest Looks? Or is there no such thing,but in Songs and Romances? For my part, I could never meet with it; andtho' perhaps there is some Pleasure in being belov'd, I cannot endure tobe told of it, unless by the Language of the Eyes, or so; for that weneed not understand: But there's nothing so dull, or so troublesome tome, as a declar'd Lover: This Reflection was occasion'd by an Adventurehappen'd to me two days ago; a Stripling of Eighteen, whose Father andMother had been Servants in the Family where I am, said to one in theHouse (who told me) that he was in Love with me, and after had theInsolence to tell me himself, that he was in Love; _But you little thinkwith whom, Madam_, added he; and just as he was going to finish hisDeclaration, by good Fortune he was call'd away: Can any thing be moreprovoking? Teach me where to place my Anger, on the Men, or on my self._Antonio_ was bashful to a Fault in other things, and yet he did notfear to say all he thought, and it may be more to me. _Cloridon_, whotreated me with the highest Respect imaginable, discover'd his Love tome, as soon as he knew it himself; and many have pretended it, thatnever felt any, at least for me. The last indeed had encouragementenough, not to repent of what he had done, and Reason not to despair ofany thing he could ask; so that after being two Years contented with myLove, he resolv'd to put it to the Trial, and begun to pretend toFavours, with all the Arguments he could invent, or find, to perswade meof the innocence and lawfulness of what he ask'd: You may find whatinfluence they had upon me by the following Lines, which he sent me in aLetter next day.

  I.

  _NOT one kind Word, not one relenting Look? The harsh, the cruel Doom to mitigate? Your Native Sweetness, ev'n your Eyes forsook; They shin'd, but in the fiercest form of Hate._

  II.

  _Is't Honour does these Rigid Laws impose; That will no sign of gentleness allow; That tells you 'tis a Crime to pity Foes, And bids you all the utmost Rigour show?_

  III.

  _All Praise the Judge, unwilling to Condemn, Where Clemency with Justice long Debates: But he who Rig'rously insults, we blame, And think the Man more than his Sin, he hates._

  IV.

  _Dare I my Judge accuse of Cruelty? When at her Feet she saw her Slave implore, With hasty Joy she gave the sad Decree: I hate you, and will never see you more._

  V.

  _Ay! 'tis too plain, the false_ Olinda'_s pleas'd To see the Captive's Death her Eyes had made: As what she wish'd, she the Occasion seiz'd; No Sigh a kind Reluctancy betray'd._

  VI.

  _If you intend to try your Power or Skill, A Nobler way pursue the great Design: The meanest Wretch on Earth knows how to kill; But to preserve from Death's an Act Divine._

  VII.

  _Like Heav'n, you with a Breath can Recreate Your Creature, that without you does not Live: Say that you Love, and you r'voke my Fate; And I'm Immortal if you can forgive._

  VIII.

  _My fiercest Wishes you shall then restrain, And Love that tramples o'er my Heart subdue: What doubt can of your mighty Pow'r remain, When ever that submits and yields to you?_

  I believe I spoke from my Heart, when I told him I hated him; I'm sure Ithought so then, when I saw him whom I believ'd to have an Esteem andRespect for me, act as if he had neither. I said the most violent thingsI could imagine against him, and left him without the least Reluctancy:But my Rage, or Hate, was soon converted to a Quiet Stupid Grief, thatoverwhelm'd my Soul, and left me not the Power of easing it the commonway, in Tears or Complaints. I saw that I must resolve never to see himagain, whatever it made me endure: And in fine, I saw all that couldmake me unhappy, without any hopes of a Remedy; for tho' he writ to meoften to beg my Pardon, and Vow'd a thousand times he wou'd not beguilty of the same fault again, tho' he were sure to be successful; yetI prevail'd with my self absolutely to refuse to see him, with moreResolution than I thought my self capable of; for I consider'd it wasdangerous to trust him, notwithstanding his Protestations, since he hadbroke his Word before: And I don't know if I had not some Reason todistrust my self, after having gone so far, as not only to suffer himto talk to me of his Love, but to own mine to him. When he saw thiswould not do, he had recourse to his old way of Writing upon Business;but the Letter came first to my Hands, and so I stifled it, and saidnothing of it to my Mother. A Week after a Porter came to me, and saidhe was sent by the Countess of ---- who desir'd me to go immediately toher Lodgings, for she had something of great Consequence to tell me, andthat he left her at a place where she had Din'd, but she was just goinghome. Away I went, and when they told me she was not at home, I thoughtshe would not fail of being there presently, and went up Stairs to Stayfor her: When I came into the Room, I saw _Cloridon_ there, and wou'dhave retir'd; but he civilly hinder'd me, and told me, he was waitingfor his Cousin (for this Lady was nearly related to him) whom heexpected to come in very soon; but 'twas a great happiness I camebefore, and more than he cou'd have hop'd for from Fortune; for at firsthe pretended it was Chance brought us together there; but he knew I mustfind it out, and so to prevent my discovering it to the Lady, he toldme, that coming to Visit her, and not finding her at Home; it came intohis thoughts to send for me in her Name; for he knew that she us'd tovisit me, and often desir'd me to go abroad with her, or to bear herCompany at home; so that he hop'd he might succeed without beingsuspected. I was in great confusion, and very angry at the Trick he hadput upon me; and yet I could not but be a little pleas'd at it too. Ilov'd to see him, and was glad of an opportunity to give him his Pardon,which I did, but made a Vow never to consent to meet him in private,tho' he begg'd it upon his Knees above an Hour, and said he would notrise till I had granted it: I suppose he was not so good as his Word;but I left him in that posture, and before I went away, and charg'd himnot to write to me any more. This Interview serv'd but to increase mymelancholy; I indulg'd it a long time, and thought upon nothing but whatsooth'd and added to it: But at length considering the occasion of mymisfortune, it represented itself to me, not only as my Folly, but myCrime; and then I concluded it must be a Crime to grieve for the loss ofthat, which 'twas a Crime to Love; and so fix'd a resolution ofovercoming my Passion, which I endeavour'd to do by Reason, and byDiversions. Had I had you my Friend to assist me with your Counsels, Ihad found it much less difficult; but now I had the strongest part of myself to Combat without any Aid: I often gave Ground, and sometimessuffer'd my self to be vanquish'd by the bewitching Reflections of whatunequall'd Satisfactions I had found in his Company, and how many happyhours I enjoy'd with him; but some good Thought would rouse my Soul tostrive again, and then the Victory was mine. I find by Experience 'tisbut bravely, heartily, and thoroughly Resolving upon a thing, and 'tishalf done: There's no Passion, no Temptation so strong, but Resolutioncan overcome: All is to be able to Resolve; there's the Point, for onemust lose a little of the first Ardour before one can do that; and manyof our Sex have ruin'd themselves, for want of time to think. 'Tis not aconstant settled purpose of Virtue will do; there must be pa
rticularResolutions for a particular Attack; 'Tis easie enough to say, no Manshall prevail with me to do an ill thing; the difficulty is, such a Manshall not; he that I love, he that 'tis Death for me to deny any thingto: There I got the better of my self, and as last attain'd to a calmserenity of Mind, which I have enjoy'd ever since, as much as can beexpected in such a World as this; and which nothing can disturb, if youcontinue to have that Friendship for me which you have profess'd, andwhich your Silence makes me almost doubt of; but there's hardly anything I could not more easily believe, than that _Cleander_ is False orInconstant. Write quickly, for I am impatient to know the Cause of thisunkindness to

  _Your constant Friend_,

  OLINDA.

  [Decoration]