Olinda's Adventures: or the Amours of a Young Lady

by Catharine Trotter

  LETTER VII.

  _AMbrisia's_ Cruel, Coy, Disdainful, and you believe she hates you; andyet _Ambrisia_ took occasion at Play to impose upon you as a Penance,not to write for a Month to one she believ'd you lov'd. If this had beenanother's Case, you wou'd have discover'd that _Ambrisia's_ Jealous.Trust me, she loves you, and only puts on the usual Disguises of Womenas sincere as she is; and give me leave to justifie her, and the rest ofour Sex in that Case: You have learn'd so well to feign Love, when youhave none, that 'tis very hard to discern Art from Nature; and 'tis butreasonable we should be allow'd the less Guilty part of concealing ours,till we can know whether you are sincere: Besides, we know those thingsare most valu'd, that are obtain'd with most difficulty; and yournatural Inconstancy gives us Reason to use all means to make you prizeus as much as we can. Your selves too, encourage us in it, for youdespise a Woman that's easily gain'd, tho' you rail at the Dissembler;and we can't begin to love just when you would have us; so that both forour own sake and yours, 'tis sometimes necessary to deceive you: And Ibelieve I may add, that there is a Natural Modesty in some Women, thatmakes 'em asham'd to own their Love. Mr. _Dryden_ in his _State ofInnocence_, gives our Mother _Eve_ a little of that; tho' some are ofOpinion, it had its Birth from your faithlessness; and that if you hadnot been false, we had never been shie. If it be so, don't you think wehave Reason to be cautious in a thing of such Weight; But I need nottake such pains to defend this Cause, for mine was a Fault on the otherhand, a too easie discovery of my Love: And to speak the Truth, whateverwe are accus'd of, I believe that's the more general one. 'Tis onlythose that are as Wise as your Mistress, that can have so much Commandover themselves, as to be guilty of the 'tother; tho' if she knew you aswell as I do, she wou'd find that she has no need to make use of anyArts to try you, or to preserve you: However don't despair, the Maskwill soon fall off. You have Reason to wonder at my breaking off with_Orontes_, since by what I have told you, _Cloridon_ cou'd be nooccasion of it: But suspend your amazement a little, tho' my Misfortunesended at Seventeen, my Adventures did not, and several things havehappenn'd to me in the Year I have pass'd since, which you are yet aStranger to. You neither know how my Acquaintance begun with _Orontes_,nor why it ended. In the beginning of last Summer, when I wasendeavouring to divert my Love and Grief, I went with a Lady to see aPlay: She was not in humour to Dress, and would needs have me go_Incognito_; and as we were coming out of the Play-House, we were seiz'dupon by two Sparks, who swore they would not part with us; but thateither we should Sup with them, or they wou'd go with us. We did notknow how to be rid of these Impertinents, but we saw, if we took Coach,we could not hinder them from going into it; so we resolv'd to walk toour Mantua-maker, who liv'd hard by; and when we went in they left us,as we thought: but a quarter of an hour after, they came up Stairs, andtho' we were very angry at the Rudeness, yet they staid a pretty while;and he that had at first apply'd himself to the other Lady, was verypressing to be acquainted with her; but my Spark sat down just oppositeto me without saying a Word, only sometimes desir'd his Friend to goaway; which after he had plagu'd us half an Hour, they did: The nextWeek I went to _Tunbridge_ with my Mother; and the first sight I saw atthe Wells, was this Gentleman: He came towards us very respectfully, andsaid he was very glad of this opportunity of begging my Pardon, for theInsolence he had been guilty of; he hop'd the Lady who was with us, whomhe had the Honour to know, would intercede for him. She that was in theCountry with us, and who you know is an intimate Friend of ours,happen'd to be very well acquainted with him; and when we came home, shetold me that his Name was _Orontes_; that he was a Gentleman who had buta small Fortune; but to repair it, he was Marry'd to a rich Widow aboveThreescore and ten; that tho' she was very ill Natur'd, he was the bestHusband in the World to her, but he would take his pleasure abroadsometimes, and she was extreamly Jealous. He came to visit this Lady,and entreated her to carry him to see me; for he said he was sensible ofthe Affront he had given me the first time he saw me, and that he wasvery desirous of some Occasion to serve me; and he thought himselfobliged to tell me so, and to seek all Opportunities of doing it. Sheconsented to it; and he came often to see us, and was very obliging tous. I will let you know my thoughts of him, because you can tell me ifthey are just; for he said he was not the same Man with me as with anyBody else: He seem'd to me to have Wit enough, but 'twas rough andunpolish'd; nothing of that Politeness which renders a Man agreeable inConversation. After the common Theams of the Weather, and News werediscuss'd, playing at Cards, or taking the Air, were certainly propos'd:But I have heard, that in other places he was very entertaining, and hada hundred pleasant Stories to divert the Company. What can be the reasonof this? I am sure he stood in no awe of me, as his future Actionsshew'd; and he always told me his Thoughts freely, but plain and blunt,without giving 'em the turn of Gallantry, which is necessary to take;and yet he could not want Breeding, for he always convers'd with Peopleof the First Quality. The Manner is often more look'd upon than theThing; and tho' I'm as little pleased with Forms as any Woman, yet insome things 'tis the essential part; there are few Men, whose Esteem orRespect I covet; but I would have all Men keep that distance with me, asif I gave 'em Awe; but I could never obtain it of 'em; tho' none evergave me so much occasion to lament it as _Orontes_. Once, when he was atour Lodging, my Mother was talking of a Journey she design'd the nextday about Ten Miles off, where she was to stay all Night: He asked me ifI went with her: I said _No_; and desired my Mother to return as soon asshe could; because I should be alone till then. It seems (as he told mesince) he had made an Appointment with a particular Friend of his aboutBusiness of Importance; but having been long desired to see me alone, hewould not neglect this Occasion, and sent him an Epistolary Excuse inthese Words:

  _My Wife thinks I am with you, but_ Olinda _told me she shall be aloneto day, and I don't know when I shall meet with so favourable anOpportunity; so that you must excuse me; but I'll certainly see you tomorrow_.

  His Wife, being always suspicious of Letters she did not read, went tothe Post-House after this: They made no scruple to give it her; becausethey knew 'twas one of their Servants had brought it; and when she hadread it, she went home in all haste, and had her Husband dog'd to myLodgings. When he came there he told me, that the first time he saw me,he lik'd my Shape and Mien, and was extreamly taken with my Face, thathe durst not so much as ask me Pardon whilst he saw me so angry; andthat since he was acquainted with me, my Humour had charm'd him so, thathe could be content to leave all the World for me: And then, Laughing,ask'd me, If I could live with him, and he would keep me a Coach, andlet me want nothing I could desire. I rally'd with him till he begun totalk more seriously, and then I check'd him for his Insolence; but ithad no effect upon him; And when he saw that neither Promises norIntreaties could move me, and that Opportunity favour'd him, he resolvedto try what Violence would do; he had sent our Servant a Mile off for tofetch some Fruit, which, he said, was the best about the Country; and wewere in a back Room near no Body in the House, so that I was in greatFear; however I made all the noise and Resistance I could, and washappily delivered by his old Lady's coming in: She might easily perceivewe were both in Confusion, tho' she hardly guess'd the true Cause; and Iwas so good natur'd as not to tell it her. When she rail'd, we bore itwith a great deal of Patience, and indeed I wonder'd at his Moderation:I really thought he would have let her beat me to revenge his Cause; buthe was not so much a Brute, he hinder'd her, and very civilly led heraway. The next day I saw him at the Wells, and whilst my Company wasRaffling, he took the opportunity to talk with me, though I avoided himwith all the Diligence I could. _Don't frown upon me, Olinda_, says he,_you ought to forgive me; Repentance is all that Heaven requires, and Inever in my Life did an Action that troubled me so much; but if you havenot good Nature enough to pardon me upon that, I must say something toexcuse my self: If I believ'd you Virtuous before, it must be by animplicit Faith; but the way to be sure was to try it; and now I shallalways admire that Virtue I could not subdue
: Why then should you beangry with me any longer than my Fault remains?_ Though I had a littlePrejudice against him, I thought he spoke with more Eloquence, and abetter Grace, than ever I heard him before; it may be his Concerninspir'd him; but 'twas to little purpose, for I was inexorable. I toldhim, _I did not think him worth my Anger, and should easily forgive him,upon Condition he would never see me any more: No_, Madam, said he, _I'drather see you angry, than not see you at all_: But in spight of me, hevisited us often; but I always entertain'd him with a coldness that didnot much please him, though no Body else perceiv'd it. We came to Townin the beginning of _September_, and he was once at our House, and foundme alone: He began to talk of a violent Passion he had for me; but Istop'd him, and said, _That was not a Discourse fit for me to hear fromhim_. I commanded him to leave me; and told him if he ever came thereagain, I wou'd be deny'd to him. He obey'd me, and I did not see himagain till _November_. He came in Mourning, and told us he had had themisfortune to bury his Wife. He Writ to my Mother to desire her leaveto make his Addresses to me; which she gave him, and then he appear'd adeclar'd Lover. I was so us'd to receive him with Anger and Disdain,that though I had not the same Reason now, I did not change my Behaviourto him; and for four Months my Mother let me take my own way, withoutspeaking one word of _Orontes_ to me: Either she design'd to observewhat I wou'd do of my self, or she did not think it fit to talk of myMarrying him so soon after his Wife's Death; but when she saw I slightedhim so long, she said to me one day, What do you mean Child, to receivewith equal indifference all the Proposals that are made to you? Do youresolve to lead a single Life? I should approve of the choice in one ofa better Fortune; but you must conform your self to yours, and considerthat I am not able to maintain you. If you don't hate _Orontes_, I willhave you Marry him, he has given so great proof of his being a goodHusband, that you can't fear he will be otherwise to you; he is Handsomeenough, and very Rich; I believe he loves you, and in fine, I think youmay be as happy with him as with any Man; therefore, don't beobstinately bent against your own good. He came in at the same time, andseconded this command of my Mothers with Intreaties and Complaints. Ihad no Aversion for him, and since my Circumstances wou'd oblige me toMarry, and that I knew I could never love any Man; I thought it might aswell be he as any other; so in sometime after I yielded, and theWedding-day was appointed to be the Sixteenth of _May_ last. How do youthink 'tis possible to avoid it now; but many things happen betwixt theCup and the Lip. You are to know that _Orontes_'s Estate lay near a fineSeat of _Cloridon_'s, which he often retir'd to; so that they wereacquainted, and much together; and that _Orontes_ went to his CountryHouse to make some Preparations a Week before the designed Marriage._Cloridon_ told him he was extreamly pleas'd to see him there; for theyhad made a match for Hunting five or six days after with some Friends ofhis, that were wishing for him. I must beg your Pardon my Lord, _sayshe_, that I cannot stay so long; for I have business that will call meto _London_ sooner. If it be not of great importance, _return'd he_,pray let me prevail with you to stay. 'Tis not to be deferr'd my Lord, Iam to be Marry'd. Marry'd, cry'd my Lord, prithee what Madness possessesthee, so lately freed, to bind thy self again without any necessity forit? What Bait next, not another old Rich crabbed Widow, I hope? I havemade a better Choice now, _answer'd Orontes_: She has Youth and GoodnessI'm sure; and I have Money enough for us both. You are in the Right,_Reply'd Cloridon_; but may I know her Name. You knew her Father myLord, _says he_, and then Sir _Martin Marrall_ told him whose Daughter Iwas. And are you engag'd to her, _Cloridon_ ask'd? She has promis'd tomarry me the 16th of this Month, _said Orontes_, and therefore my Lord,I hope you wont take it ill if I leave you upon so weighty an Affair._Cloridon_ was not in humour of making many Compliments; but he ask'dabundance of Questions, of the beginning and progress of his Love, andhow I had us'd him all the time; but he could not much boast of myFavour, which pleas'd _Cloridon_, and encourag'd him to endeavour tobreak off the Match. He told _Orontes_ he should be oblig'd to go to_London_ that day, but he would come back again before he went away; sohe left him, and immediately took his Journey; and as soon as hearriv'd, came to our Lodgings, where he found my Mother and I together.Judge of my surprize at this Sight, my first Thoughts were of _Orontes_;I sigh'd when I compar'd 'em with one another, and had a thousanddifferent thoughts which I know not what to make of. _Cloridon_Addressing himself to my Mother, _said_, Madam, I am come to beg aFavour of you, which I should hardly have the Confidence to ask, if thewhole satisfaction of my life did not depend upon it. My Mother toldhim, that she could not refuse any thing to one whom she ow'd so muchto; and that she should think her self happy if she could serve him in athing which he said concern'd him so nearly. He return'd someCompliments, and then desir'd her to hear him out with Patience, whichshe promis'd, and he begun, I have a long time had a great Love andRespect for your Daughter, and would have given all the World to haveseen her sometimes; but she refus'd it me; and I bore her Rigour withoutMurmuring, in hopes the time would come when I could tell her I lov'dher without offending her Virtue: But I can't live when I have lost thathope, and therefore am come to beg you not to marry _Olinda_, as I amtold you design; and I will make her Fortune greater than what she canexpect from _Orontes_. How, my Lord, _interrupted my Mother_, whatstrange Proposition is this you make me? Be not angry with me, or fearme, _continu'd he_, for the moment you grant what I intreat of you, Iwill leave you, and never desire to see _Olinda_ again, as long as Icontinue in the Condition I am in; But 'twill be a great Happiness forme to think, that she may one Day be mine; and to be assur'd she willnever be any others; and if she be not chang'd, or that I am not muchmistaken in her, she will not be averse to it. He was in the right, forthough I was never an Enemy to Marriage, yet I always preferr'd a singleLife to it; and I found enough of my stifled Flame revive to make myWishes comply with his. When my Mother saw me much inclin'd to it, andknowing I had only consented to marry _Orontes_ in compliance of her;she began to think of it as a thing might be done, but that she hadgiven her Word to _Orontes_, and could not go back from it. But_Cloridon_ told her, she need not be in any Fault in that, if she wou'dbut make use of the occasion would be given her to break off with_Orontes_ without Examining further. She made some other Objections, buthe Answer'd them all, and upon his Knees Swore, that if I Married_Orontes_, neither he nor my Husband would survive it: So partly out offear of what might happen, and partly out of inclination to oblige him,and willingness to please me, my Mother consented. _Cloridon_ begg'dleave to talk with me, before he took his last leave, which he did, andmade me some little tender Reproaches, for having resolv'd to Marry;which I answer'd with a more reserv'd Kindness than I had sometimesdone; and that was the Subject of many Letters he sent me since; for heoften writes to me. Two Days before we were to be Marry'd, _Orontes_ wasto come to Town, which _Cloridon_ knew, and had provided half a dozenSoldiers to seize upon him in the King's Name, (for he was suspected foran Enemy to the Government.) They did so, and told him they werecommanded to keep him a close Prisoner in a House hard by, till furtherOrder. He would fain have Writ, but they would not let him, for theysaid they had Orders to the contrary. There they kept him a Week, and wewonder'd we heard nothing of him, not knowing what methods were us'd tohinder us; and to avoid seeing our Friends, who would enquire theReason, we thought it best to retire hither, this being a private Place.When _Cloridon_ knew I was out of Town, he went himself to free him, andtold him things had been misrepresented, and he had been wrong'd; but inrequital he would procure him any Employment he would name; but he didnot accept it. When he came to enquire for me, no Body could tell himwhere I was: But a Friend with whom I had left such Orders, told him,that I had taken it so ill, that he should slight me so far, as neitherto come, nor to send to me, in so long time, that whatever he could sayfor himself, I wou'd never forgive him, nor so much as hear him. He wasno doubt troubled at it, but he was not a Man to take any thing much toHeart; and _Cloridon_ knowing he had not dealt very fairly by him, wasvery desirous to oblig
e him some other way: And indeed he did him a veryconsiderable Service not long after, for he was really accus'd privatelyto the King of a Plot, which wou'd have cost him his Life, if _Cloridon_had not taken a great deal of pains to free him, more than he could haveexpected in such a ticklish Affair as that; and had like to becomehimself suspected by it: So that I think he has been more his Friend insaving his Life, than he was his Enemy in taking his Mistress from him.This is, _Cleander_, the true Cause of my Retirement, which is veryagreeable to me, whilst I hear often from you, and whilst _Cloridon_continues to think of me. I have sent you a Copy of Verses which he writto me just after I came hither.

  _Nor cou'd my Rival, when those Charms By thee were destin'd to his Arms, Be half so bless'd as I, to find The lovely Nun for me Confin'd: Nor when of all that Bliss bereav'd, He saw his full-blown hopes deceiv'd, Cou'd be so curst as I to see My self Exil'd from Heav'n in thee. Strange Contradiction in my Fate, At once a blest and wretched State: But who--what Lover wou'd not choose Thus to gain all, tho' all he lose? So Merchants strive their Lives to save, Threaten'd by ev'ry Wind and Wave, And see with joy the long'd for Coast, Tho' all they ventur'd for is lost._

  _Cloridon_ has just sent me word that _Orontes_ is dead of theSmall-Pox; so that I shall come to Town sooner than I design'd. Theexpectation of seeing you pleases me extreamly; for tho' I find a greatsatisfaction in conversing with you by Letters; yet 'tis not so full andperfect at this distance, as when I am with you. I can't tell you myThoughts so well, nor know yours; a Question suddenly started, orsometimes a Look, will discover more to me than you know of your self;and I would know you not as you seem to the World, or what you think ofyour self, but what you are; for though you are more sincere than otherMen, yet there is no Man but deceives the World in some things, andhimself in more; and therefore to be a good Man, 'tis absolutelynecessary to have a true Friend; and since you have made choice of me, Ican only attone for my want of other Qualifications, by my Fidelity,which you may always rely upon. Will not the World, when they see sotender, so constant an Affection betwixt us, be convinced of thatreceiv'd Error, that there can be no such intimacy betwixt two ofdifferent Sexes without the Passion of Love; In us I'm sure they can'tsuspect it; when they see you have so much Love for _Ambrisia_, and meso forward to promote its being reciprocal. I wish it may have thatEffect, that the Women may no longer scruple to bestow their Friendshipupon a Worthy Man, for fear of misconstructions; both Sexes will findtheir Advantages by it. Yours is more capable to instruct and form ourMinds; than the wisest of our own; and ours will be more apt to curbthat Licentiousness, which Men usually encourage one another in: Andwhat happiness will it be for us to see our selves the Instruments ofall the Men's becoming Good, and all the Women Wise? (A moreextraordinary Reformation than _Luther_'s.) Let our Friendships then beso Exemplary, that all may emulate, and wish to live like us; and byendeavouring, find that there's a purer and more solid Satisfaction onemoment with a Friend, than Ages thrown away upon the Gallantries, whichso take up the Hearts, and steal the Hours of our Youth. Adieu_Cleander_, correct the Errors of my Life with a gentle Hand ofFriendship, and always be as much my Friend as I am yours,

  _OLINDA_.

  [Decoration]