Finding Karma

by Stacy M Wray

  Shoving both hands in his pockets, he remains staring at me.

  “I’m assuming you’ve already discussed your plan with your parents?”

  I simply nod.

  A hurt expression crosses his face, a small betrayal from them.

  “I have to be honest, Karma, I feel ganged up on.”

  Again, I remain quiet – letting him gather his thoughts and get everything off his chest. I refuse to be sorry for this decision I’ve made. I know he’ll sort all of this out eventually. He’s just going to have to realize how important this is to me, that I’m not going to change my mind.

  He looks down and scuffs the dirt around him with the tips of his shoes.

  “How long would you be gone?” he asks, without looking up.

  “Well, we haven’t discussed how long yet. I’m not sure.”

  He brings his gaze back and says, “You’ve kind of backed me into a corner, Karma. I don’t want to lose you so I guess I have no choice but to go along…but I don’t like it one bit…”

  “I know.”

  “You need to give me time…”

  “I will.”

  He bends and scoops up some dirt, throwing it onto the fire until the flames are extinguished. After dusting his hands against his shorts, he walks and holds his hand out, waiting for me to take hold.

  “Let’s go to bed.”

  I take his hand and let him lead me into the tent. He turns on a small lantern sitting in the corner, and I can see he’s zipped two sleeping bags together to make one large one. Two pillows are placed at the top. It’s so sweet and I feel a little guilty I’ve ruined our night.

  Even though he’s mad at me, he holds the edge of the sleeping bag up, waiting for me to climb in. After I do, he wraps an arm around my middle and pulls me into him, his chest to my back. He maneuvers a little, turning off the lantern.

  He presses a kiss into my hair.

  “I love you, Braden,” I say into the dark.

  Hugging me even tighter, he says, “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

  “I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise tonight…”

  There’s complete silence and I wonder what’s going through his head.

  Finally, he says, “Don’t. I asked you for time. I don’t want to talk about it anymore right now.”

  “Okay,” I whisper. He mindlessly rubs his hand up and down my arm and kisses the back of my neck.

  Knowing Braden will accept all of this once he’s let it sink in allows me the luxury of relief at finally telling him, the thrill of my impending journey overshadowing the dread of his departure.

  At least for now.

  chapter nineteen

  June 2013

  “Golden Boy is an ass.”

  Jeremy’s brows lift in surprise. “What’s he done now?”

  I fill him in on everything that took place up until I left. We’re now on our fourth PBR, knowing I need to switch to water. He’s such a great listener – one of the things I love most about him.

  His infamous smirk appears, usually signaling I’m not going to like what comes out of his mouth next. “Why are you letting him get under your skin so bad?”

  I know he’s goading me – one of his favorite things to do. I shrug. “Because he’s an ass.”

  “And this Lee character? You aren’t seriously going to continue seeing him, are you?” He scratches the back of his head, seeming concerned about the guy I had been spending so much time with.

  I scoff at his comment. “Did you hear the things I just told you? He’s an even bigger ass than Braden. It must be Ass Week in L.A..” I dramatically plop my forearms on the table, crisscrossed, and sink my head into them. “Why can’t things be simple, Jeremy? Why can’t I find my perfect someone?”

  My drinking partner is silent. No smartass comment. No heartfelt wisdom. The silence concerns me so I lift my head slowly, wondering if he’s still seated in front of me.

  Jeremy wears the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on his face. Well, it battles the one I saw earlier in the parking lot of Caldner’s. It’s like he’s daring me to say something. To answer my own question.

  Deep down inside, I know what he’s thinking.

  It must be Ass Week in Colorado, too.

  We stay long enough that my slight drunkenness has faded, the greasy burger helping immensely. It’s nearly after one in the morning when I drop Jeremy off at his car.

  Before he gets out, he asks, “How long are you staying?”

  I guess I hadn’t really thought that through – I’d been so eager to pack up and go. “I’m not sure. I guess it all depends if I have any jobs come through. And what plays out with the job at Braden’s company.” I hate bringing up his name. Jeremy smirks every time.

  He stares straight ahead, out through the windshield, for a moment, his head resting against the back of the seat. Rolling it to his left, he looks at me, saying, “I hope Rachael gets home before you leave. I’d love for you to meet her.”

  My heart swells with pride, knowing Jeremy may have met the love of his life. I’ve never seen him like this. I pray she treats him well, guarding his heart with her life. Then I wonder what it will be like to share him. If this will affect our relationship.

  If tonight is any indication, no…it won’t. Jeremy’s personality is large enough to encompass the whole state.

  Back at my parents’ house, I slip under the covers of my old bed, loving the way it feels. After spending the evening with Jeremy, I’m feeling more in control, my life much more in perspective than when I left.

  My phone pings. The only other person I know who would be awake at this hour is Jeremy. Reaching for my phone, I read the illuminated message.

  My insides jump at the name on the screen.

  It’s from Braden.

  Braden: Is everything okay? Your roommate said you left town.

  Why must he infiltrate my brain when I’m trying to escape him?

  I sigh and type my answer.

  Me: You went to my apartment? How did you even get the address?

  Braden: It’s in your file.

  It takes me so long to respond that he types again.

  Braden: Are you coming back?

  Rolling my eyes, I answer: Of course I’m coming back.

  But then I think about him at my apartment.

  Me: Why were you at my apartment?

  Braden: Wanted to talk.

  Me: About?

  Braden: It can wait. I’ll see you when you get back.

  Whatever. I don’t respond.

  I find it odd that I haven’t yet heard from Lee. We didn’t have a discussion at the end of that night that sent us on our separate ways. For some reason, I wanted to toy with him, letting him think he came out of that dinner victorious. I know, it was immature and a little cruel. But deep down, I think he deserved it. I’ll set him straight if he hasn’t already figured it out by the time I get home.

  The next few days are spent hanging with my parents. My mom and I went to the farmers’ market in town, and I even helped her check in a large shipment at her bookstore. Being home filled my tank more than I could have imagined.

  But the fourth day had me back on the plane, returning to L.A., but not before meeting the infamous Rachael.

  I met them at dinner the night before. And I’m in love with her. Jeremy could not have fallen for a better woman. She’s sweet, charming, a little shy and naïve, and beautiful. The perfect package. I could honestly tell she had no qualms regarding our relationship, which, to be honest, could be a real deal breaker for an insecure woman – which she is not.

  Now I go home perfectly content, knowing she only has great intentions for my Jeremy.

  Within three hours, I’m home, walking through the door of my apartment. Jada is stretched out on the couch, and from the looks of her, I don’t think she’s left it in days. She reaches for the remote, pressing PAUSE before directing her attention at the intrusion. “Oh my God,” she says. “Someone
should have warned me how addicting Game of Thrones is.”

  That explains it.

  I plop my carry-on beside the front door and ease myself into the chair beside her. “How long have you been at this?” I’m not sure she’s even bathed.

  Guilt washes over her as she admits, “This is day three. I even turned down a job. God, Karma, I need help.” She laughs at herself. “But I only have two more episodes so life will soon be back to normal.”

  As if she just remembered something important, her eyes narrow as she studies me. “Who is this Braden character? You’ve never spoken of him.”

  I sigh. “It’s a long story. But, for the time being, he’s my boss.”

  She eyes me further. “There’s a good story there, right?”

  I shrug, not wanting to get into our back story at the moment.

  She holds her arm out, hand held up. “Wait! Don’t tell me yet. I can only handle one drama at a time.” Her eyes flick back to the frozen screen, blood spewing from a character that’s just taken an ax to the head. Ew!

  Relieved by her comment, I say, “Deal.”

  Her eyes travel across the room to a huge bouquet of white roses. “There’s a card but it’s sealed.” Not looking the least bit sorry, she adds, “So I tried. Sue me.”

  Laughing, I get up and cross the room to the fragrant vase filled with beautiful blooms, wondering how long they’ve been here. Locating the small white envelope, I pluck it from the plastic prong that grips it tightly. Sliding my index finger along the gummed seal, it breaks freely, revealing a hand-written note.

  Lee.

  My heart sinks a little, perhaps hoping they might be from someone else.

  The ball is in your court. Hoping you’ll want to continue to play. I know I do.

  Ugh! Really?

  I think I’m ready to sit the bench. And that was days ago. No – scratch that. I want off the team completely.

  Guess I’ll have to make that awkward phone call because I can’t imagine sitting through another dinner with the insufferable control freak.

  “Are those from that hot hunk who came looking for you?” She still hasn’t set the screen in motion, and I realize the sender of the flowers must have been weighing heavily on her.

  Shaking my head, I say, “No. They’re from Lee.”

  “Oh. The perfume guy?”

  Nodding, I turn to her and say, “Yep. That’s the one.”

  She laughs. “When it rains, it pours. Good for you.”

  No, Jada, it’s not good. It hasn’t been for quite some time.

  “I guess.” I walk to my bag and pick it up. “I’m beat. I’ll let you finish your marathon. But promise me you’ll shower when it’s over.”

  She grins, her slender finger already hovering over the PLAY button. “Promise.”

  I toss the card, still clutched in my hand, into the trash can in the bathroom on the way to my room.

  Welcome home, Karma.

  The sun trickles into my room, trying its damnedest to infiltrate the blinds, only seeping through the edges. Feeling completely refreshed after my day of travel, I reach for my phone to check the time. Nine.

  Tossing the covers off to one side, I swing my legs over and push off the mattress. It’s time to get on my laptop and scour for jobs, needing to fill in the gaps while Spectra gets its shit straightened out.

  From the quietness of the apartment, Jada must still be asleep after her obsessed-filled last few days, or she’s already out. Her bedroom door is open and no sign of her so I assume she’s at a job or something.

  As I enter the kitchen through the living room, the sport-themed roses blare at me from across the room, emphasizing the fact that I can’t seem to catch a break in the relationship department. I think of Jeremy and Rachael. Your day will come, Karma. Be patient.

  While my coffee brews, I slip back into my room, snatching my laptop from the bag I’ve yet to unpack. Carrying it back to the kitchen, I add the treats to my coffee to make it sweet and sit down at the breakfast bar.

  I stayed on top of my emails while I was away so I don’t have that chore to contend with. Just as I start my Google search, I hear my phone ring back in my bedroom. Shit.

  Snatching it before the call drops, my pulse quickens when I see the caller.

  “Hello?”

  “Karma. I’ve got good news. Spectra’s got another backer and everything is back on track.”

  I’m elated at the news, hardly believing the timeline. “Already?”

  “Just got the call from Mr. Lewis himself. He wants to meet for drinks in a few days. I think it’s just to pacify us, but it’s a nice gesture.”

  I find the familiar cadence of his voice soothing today, perhaps my anger from before fading after my time away. “Well, okay. Let me know how that goes and I’ll make sure the third photo shoot shots are perfect.”

  He chuckles through the phone. “No, Karma. He wants to meet us for drinks. I’ve sent him the batch of photos from the beach, and he wants to meet you.”

  My heart rate spikes. “Really? Okay. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”

  His next words are spoken softer, his voice lower. “Are you back yet?”

  “Yes. I got in last night.”

  I think I hear a sigh of relief, but I can’t be sure.

  “Where did you go?”

  Just now realizing I never told him, I answer, “I went home. Spent some time with Jeremy. And my parents, of course.”

  There’s a long pause before he says, “Oh.”

  And before I even realize why, I add, “Yeah, he introduced me to his girlfriend. She’s really great.” I slap my forehead with my free hand, knowing I sound obvious.

  Just as I had intended, his tone perks up. “Oh yeah?” Knowing Jeremy has always been a sore spot with Braden, I’m not surprised he asks nothing more about him. “How are your parents?”

  “They’re really good.”

  Now this is weird. It’s like I’ve just come across an old friend from school, and we’re attempting horrible small talk.

  “Karma…”

  When he doesn’t finish, I freeze. Whenever he does that, either something really bad or something really good usually follows.

  I hold my breath and wait.

  “I should have never let you go…I should have fought for us.”

  That was really good.

  chapter twenty

  June 2008

  Several days have passed since our big blow up and, as promised, I haven’t mentioned it, nor has he. We’re well aware our days are numbered before Braden leaves for UCLA, and we’re both behaving like nothing’s happened. But neither one of us has forgotten.

  Braden and I have just finished shopping for things he needs before he leaves, and we’re now pulling into our favorite Mexican restaurant.

  After being seated in a booth, the waitress takes our drink orders and says she’ll return shortly.

  I’ve kept my promise about not bringing up the trip, but Jeremy’s supposed to come over tomorrow sometime so we can make a plan and see how long we’ll be gone. I need to let Braden know so he doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything else behind his back, but I promised him time to think about things. The whole situation leaves me feeling anxious.

  Braden puts down his menu and looks at me. “What is it, Karma? You’ve been acting fidgety all day.”

  I smile at him. “No, I haven’t.” Yes, I have.

  He rolls his eyes and says, “You’re a terrible liar.” He motions with his hand and says, “Out with it.”

  “I can’t say anything…I promised you time.”

  I notice his jaw tenses but then relaxes just as quickly. “And you’ve given it to me – which I appreciate, by the way.”

  Not sure what I’m supposed to do, I wait to see if he says anything else.

  He doesn’t.

  I pretend I’m looking over the menu – I can’t concentrate on it at all – when the waitress brings our drinks.

>   “You guys ready to order?” she asks us.

  Braden lifts his brows at me in question and I nod.

  “I’ll have the number twelve with rice instead of beans,” I tell her.

  She now looks to Braden. “And I’ll have the number eight with extra sour cream.” She takes our menus and leaves to place our orders.

  I look around the restaurant, knowing that Braden’s looking at me, probably knowing I’m avoiding his gaze. He reaches out and takes my hand from across the table, forcing my eyes to his.

  “Say what you need to say,” he tells me, in a reassuring tone.

  I bite my bottom lip and hope he doesn’t get angry.

  “We need to solidify our plans for the trip, and Jeremy is supposed to come over tomorrow…I just wanted you to know.”

  Mulling this over in his head, he nods once, and says, “Thanks for telling me.”

  He runs his thumb over my hand back and forth, a habit I’m so familiar with but wonder if he’s even aware.

  I sigh in frustration.

  “Braden, you’re more than welcome to be there if it would make you feel better.”

  Looking genuinely surprised, he says, “I appreciate the gesture, Karma…I do. But that’s probably not going to happen.”

  I nod in understanding, knowing he’s still not feeling too jazzed about me going on this trip with Jeremy, like he might be fraternizing with the enemy or something.

  “Look…I’ve thought about everything a lot, and I do trust you. And it’s not that I don’t trust Jeremy – I wouldn’t trust any guy in Jeremy’s position.” He thinks more and continues, “Being I’m an eighteen-year-old guy myself, I know how our brains are wired…so no – I don’t trust him.”

  “But I do, Braden. I wouldn’t be going if I thought for one second Jeremy had other intentions.”

  His face softens at my explanation. “Which is why that’s the only thing I’m holding onto, Karma. I know you trust him, and I’m going to have to be okay with your decision.”