Finding Home with You

by Claire Raye

  “Baby,” I whisper, letting go of her wrists as I slide my arms around her waist and pull her closer. “I really don’t know what’s going here,” I say, pressing a kiss to her temple. “But I want to know. I want you to talk to me, please.”

  Erin takes another deep breath before finally giving in. I feel her body relax against mine as her arms slide around my waist, her fingers digging into my back as though she doesn’t want to let go. I slowly run my hand up and down her spine, my fingers running over the bumps. Neither of us speaks and I get the feeling this is what she needs right now, that whatever it is that’s going on with her, she doesn’t want anything except to be held. To feel safe and cared for.

  I don’t know how long we stand here for, but eventually I pull back a little. Erin looks up at me, her eyes a mix of sadness and fear and need. The first two scare me, because I have no idea what it is that’s making her feel this way, but the other one doesn’t. Because whatever it is that Erin needs, I’m here to give it her. Without question, I’m here for her.

  I smile at her before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her lips. She doesn’t resist this time; a soft moan falling from her mouth as she finally kisses me back.

  “Ryan,” she murmurs, falling against me.

  “Come with me,” I whisper against her mouth. I lead her down to the bathroom, wordlessly stripping off our clothes before pulling her into the shower. I grab the soap and work it into a lather before moving my hands over her shoulders, gently pushing my fingers into the knots I can feel beneath the skin.

  “God, that feels good,” she says, her head falling forward, her hands on the tiles supporting her weight.

  I kiss the back of her neck as my fingers dig in, loosening her muscles. Erin sags against the wall as I move my hands lower, massaging her arms and then working my way down her legs, focusing on her calves and thighs.

  As I work my way back up her body, Erin turns, slinging her arms around my neck as she pushes up on her toes and presses her mouth to mine. The kiss is deep this time, her tongue pushing into my mouth as her body presses flush against mine.

  I wrap my arms around her as a groan falls from my lips. “Babe,” I whisper, my hands sliding down to her ass. Erin whimpers in my arms and it’s all I need as I pick her up and back her against the wall. She wraps her legs around me, lining us up and allowing my cock to slide into her wetness.

  We both groan, our kisses never stopping as I now start to slowly thrust in and out of her.

  “God, you feel amazing,” I murmur, my fingers gripping her ass as I hold her in place.

  “Fuck me, Ryan,” she moans. “Fuck me, please.”

  I speed up a little, pushing deeper and deeper into her. Erin lets one arm fall, her fingers going to her clit where she starts to rub. I pick up the tempo, thrusting in and out of her as she works herself harder and harder.

  “Oh god,” she groans, the words echoing in the shower stall. “God, I’m going to come.”

  I push one last time, exploding inside her as I feel her come apart around me, her body clenching around my cock.

  “Erin,” I whisper as our bodies still, our arms still clinging to each other. She leans against me, the exhaustion now catching up with her. I slowly pull out, pressing a last kiss to her lips as I lower her so she’s standing in my arms.

  “Come on, gorgeous,” I whisper, pulling her from the shower and wrapping a towel around her shoulders. “Let’s get you to bed.”

  “Can’t,” she mumbles, her head now covered by the towel. “Need to make cupcakes for tomorrow. Kelsey needs them for the party.”

  I dry off, wrapping the towel around my waist before I take hers and finish drying her body. “How about we sit down on the couch for a few minutes, have a drink and then I’ll help you.”

  Erin looks up at me, a surprised look on her face. “You know how to cook?” she asks.

  I grin at her. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Red.”

  She shakes her head before walking into her bedroom to get dressed. I head back to the front door, grab the overnight bag I’d left on the front porch and walk back to her room to get dressed too. Pulling on a pair of old sweats and a t-shirt, I smile as Erin walks toward me wearing the same thing.

  “Guess I left that behind, huh?” I ask, gesturing toward an old Red Sox t-shirt of mine that she’s now wearing.

  “Guess so,” she says, a shy smile on her face that lets me know I didn’t leave it behind, she deliberately kept it.

  I smile back. “Looks good on you, babe,” I say, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Come on, come and have a quick drink and then we’ll get these cupcakes made.”

  I leave Erin on the couch as I grab two beers from the fridge. Taking a seat next to her and pulling her against me, I want to ask her what that was all about earlier, but at the same time, I don’t want to disturb this peace we’ve finally found. I know something’s bothering her; I’ve spent enough time with her now to know when something isn’t right. I just don’t know what it is. Or how to convince her to talk to me about it. I don’t want to push things and if there’s one thing I do know, it’s how stubborn and guarded Erin can be.

  We sit in silence for a while, Erin leaning against me as I absentmindedly run my fingers up and down her arm.

  “I’m sorry about before,” she suddenly says, not looking at me as she takes a long sip of beer.

  I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head, grateful she’s the one who’s brought it up. “You wanna talk about it?” I ask.

  Erin shrugs. “Just a shitty day,” she says. “Shitty week.”

  I shift a little, so I can see her face. “What’s going on?” I ask, brushing my fingers down the back of her neck. Erin shrugs again but says nothing. It takes everything in me not to ask again, force her to tell me what it is that’s bothering her so much. But this isn’t an interrogation and I’m not a detective right now.

  “You can talk to me, you know,” I say instead. “Tell me anything.”

  Erin takes another sip of beer, before letting out a deep breath. “It’s just work,” she says. “It’s been crazy, parents cornering me everywhere I go. Worst part about living in a small town,” she adds on.

  I can tell from the look on her face that while this might be true, it isn’t the real reason she was so upset before. I’ve seen enough people try to convince me of something to know when someone’s lying to me. What I don’t know is why Erin’s lying to me now. What it is that’s happened that she thinks she can’t talk to me about. I thought we were in a good place; that she knew she could talk to me about anything.

  I want to ask, badly, but a part of me knows that I’m walking a fine line and whatever it is that’s bothering her is something she isn’t ready to talk about.

  So instead, I ask, “But you like it, right? I mean you chose to come and live here.”

  “Yeah,” she says, taking another swig of her beer as she relaxes ever so slightly, knowing I’m not pushing it. “I do. I loved coming up here when I was a kid and after everything…” She drifts off and I’m about to ask her what everything is when she changes the subject. “Where are you from originally?”

  I smile and press a kiss to her cheek, pulling her against me. I know she’s changing the subject in an attempt to move the conversation away from her. It annoys me, but in this moment, I let it go, knowing she needs it. “This tiny little place in Maine called Eddington,” I say instead.

  “Never heard of it,” she says, her head falling back against my shoulder. “Guess that’s why you moved to Boston, huh? Wanted more of the big city life?”

  I take a sip of my beer before I admit something to her that I’ve never told anyone else before. “Actually, I always saw myself moving back someday, or at least to somewhere like it. The city is great and there’s never a shortage of things to do, but long term I always saw myself settling down in a coastal town.”

  Erin turns to lo
ok at me and I can see the shock on her face. “Really?”

  I smile as I lean in and kiss her lips. “Really.”

  “But what would you do?” she asks.

  I take another sip of beer. “Find a wife, have some kids. Maybe open a little restaurant or something,” I say, not really sure why I’m telling her all of this. Maybe a part of me is opening up to her in the hopes that she’ll do the same to me. Erin’s always been so guarded and I hope that by admitting these things to her now, she understands that she can confide in me too.

  I can also tell she’s shocked by what I’ve just admitted to her, especially when she doesn’t say anything more. I’ve learned it takes a lot to shut this woman up, and somehow, my admission has done it. “Not what you expected, Red?” I ask, running my fingers through her half-dry hair.

  “No,” she says, shaking her head. “I always thought I was the only one who chose to leave the big city for a small town.”

  I smile before pressing a kiss to her hair. “Guess we’re more alike than you thought.”

  Erin doesn’t say anything, just leans her head against my shoulder. We finish our beers in silence and when I turn to suggest we start on the cupcakes, I see she is now fast asleep. I gently take the beer from her hand and slide my body out from under her. Laying her down on the couch, Erin lets out a deep sigh and for the first time since I got here, I see her fully relax.

  I stand for a second, just watching her sleep. As I do, a strange feeling starts up in my chest. I don’t know what it is and I’m not really sure I’m prepared to work it out, so I lean in and press a kiss to her cheek before walking into the kitchen.

  I grab another beer from the fridge before looking through the shopping bags. I smile when I see what she’s bought, suddenly eternally grateful for all the cooking lessons Mom made me endure as a kid. Growing up with three sisters was never an excuse for me to stay out of the kitchen. Mom was always determined to make sure I knew how to treat a woman.

  “Cooking, Ryan, is the easiest way to win them over. No woman likes it when a man assumes she’s going to be the one making dinner every night.”

  I’d rolled my eyes, but stuck with it, and in the end, I realized not only was she right, but I actually enjoyed it.

  Not that I’d cooked for many women since then. Even though I knew how, strangely enough, I’d never found one I’d wanted to cook for. Until now.

  Shaking my head, I turn on the oven and get started on the cupcakes. By the time they’re cooling on a wire rack, I’ve opened another beer, checked on Erin and am listening to the basketball game on the radio.

  When I’m finally done, it’s after midnight. So I pack everything up and quickly clean the kitchen before walking into the living room. Erin is still dead to the world, so I gently pick her up and carry her down the hall to her bedroom. Sliding into bed beside her, I pull her into my arms, smiling as she lets out a deep, contented sigh.

  Then I close my eyes and go to sleep.

  The next morning, I wake to nails scratching across my stomach and Erin scrambling from the bed.

  “Fucking shit fuck,” she yells, arms and legs flying everywhere.

  “Babe, what is it?” I ask sitting up and reaching for her.

  “The fucking cupcakes,” she says, hair wild as she turns to face me. “I forgot to make the cupcakes. I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

  I smile, brushing the hair back from her face. “Relax, I took care of it.”

  “What?!” she practically shouts.

  I fall back onto the pillow, tugging on her arm so she’ll come with me. “I said, I took care of it. Now, how about you come over here.”

  But Erin resists, scrambling from the bed and running from the room. I hear her the second she hits the kitchen, the “Holy shit,” reaching me all the way in the bedroom. I chuckle at her surprise as I lay here, hands behind my head, waiting for her to come back. A few seconds later, she’s standing in the door in my Red Sox t-shirt, bed hair and one foot propped against her knee.

  “You made my cupcakes,” she says, her voice quiet.

  I smile at her. “I did.”

  “Why?” she asks.

  I beckon her over with my finger, but she doesn’t move. Raising an eyebrow at her, I do it again and this time she walks slowly over. “You fell asleep,” I tell her as she comes to a stop beside the bed. “You looked exhausted, so I let you sleep and I took care of it.”

  “Shit, Ryan,” she whispers and I can see how surprised she is. “Thank you, really.”

  I grab her hand, threading our fingers together. “You’re welcome. You looked like you needed the sleep.” She nods at me now and I can’t believe I’ve rendered her speechless twice in twenty-four hours. “You okay?” I ask, tugging her onto the bed.

  “Yeah…” she says, still staring at me. “I just don’t know what to say.”

  I raise an eyebrow at her. “How about you don’t say anything and get back in this bed instead.”

  Erin stares back at me, seemingly lost for words all over again.

  I smile up at her as I pull her against me. “Come here, Red.”

  And then I wrap my arms around her and kiss her hard on the lips.

  Chapter Four

  Erin

  I’m lying next to Ryan, the room silent as he runs his fingers softly up and down my back. I’m still trying to process what has just happened and how to respond. I’m not used to someone doing something for me just because. Ryan’s kindness far exceeds anything I could ever imagine and I find myself falling in love with him.

  My chest clenches, a sudden tightening of anxiety as I think about what that means for both of us. He has no idea what my life was like before I came to Rockport. In all honesty, he knows nothing about me, because my life is a well-guarded secret.

  I came to Rockport to hide, to get away from a life that would have likely consumed me the way it did my mother. But there are still moments that I fear for my safety even though it’s been almost a decade since I’ve had any contact with my father. The phone calls are enough to bring it all back. I had needed to leave; needed to disappear in the hopes of separating myself from the people my family became involved with.

  I push the thoughts from my mind, because I won’t let something from my past ruin this moment. I’m also not certain it’s something I want to share with Ryan, not now, and possibly not ever. Ryan’s jobs is stressful enough and the last thing I want him to worry about is my drama-filled past. I’m not the only one who seems to like the escape of a small town I think, noticing the peaceful look on Ryan’s face.

  This is as close as I’ve come to a perfect moment in my life and I press closer to Ryan, feeling the warmth of his body.

  It’s been years since I’ve let someone get this close and I know it’s because I’m completely falling for him.

  What I never bargained for, what I didn’t see coming at all, was his kindness and his ability to actually care about me. Underneath all that rough, harsh exterior is a man who knows how to take care of a woman and not just any woman.

  Me.

  Someone who deserves none of it, especially after the way I treated him yesterday. I can’t believe he’s still here, let alone the fact that he just made four-dozen cupcakes for me, gave me multiple orgasms and put me to bed. Only to wake up to me flailing around like an idiot, confused and shocked into silence.

  I know I need to do better than just a simple thank you, so I let my guard down just a little bit.

  “Ryan, seriously,” I say, once again stumbling over my words. Lying on top of him in the bed, I shift so I’m straddling his hips, my hands resting on his chest. “This is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Seriously.”

  I feel my face flush at my honesty and I look away from him. Ryan’s fingers brush my cheek bringing me back to him. He laughs, his face lighting up and his eyes twinkling as he sits up so his face is even with mine.

  “Red, I thi
nk this is the most inarticulate you’ve been since I met you. What happened to my smart-mouthed little minx?”

  “Some amazing guy with a hot ass body and the ability to bake like a French pastry chef has made me fall for him. Hard,” I respond, whispering the last part with the hope that maybe he misses my vulnerability completely.

  He tucks my hair behind my ears and leans even closer, his warm breath caressing the sensitive skin below my ear as he whispers, “This is for my minx and the sweet, sensitive girl that’s here with me right now. I’m falling hard for her too. All of her.”

  All the air escapes from my lungs and my heart stops beating. If he thought I was speechless before, my mind is blown now. My body finally catches up as my heart starts racing inside my chest.

  Ryan can see something in me change and sensing my panic, he cups my face in his hands. Stroking his thumbs down my cheeks, he kisses me softly on the lips, glides them to my cheek and then to my ear. “Babe, settle down,” he murmurs into my ear, his voice like warm bath water, calm and soothing. “Let’s just see what happens.” His tone is casual and he doesn’t seem at all put off by my response to him.

  What did I expect to happen? The chemistry between us is off the charts and I’d be kidding myself if I said the time we spent apart isn’t just fucking brutal. I miss him like crazy when he’s gone. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, so to have him respond back with the fact that he’s falling for me too, shouldn’t come as such a shock.

  I guess it’s not so much that I’m surprised he’s feeling this way, it’s more about what his admission is doing to all the old feelings I’ve kept bottled up inside. Pushing all of it away because I’m just not ready to confront that part of my life, I nod in response to his words before I lean in and kiss him.

  “I owe you way more than a thank you,” I say, as I slide my body off of his until I’m lying with my head cradled against Ryan’s arm, our bodies fitting perfectly together. We sit in silence for a few minutes, my fingers absentmindedly stroking up and down his chest. It’s peaceful and for the first time since we met, I find the courage to ask about his life, to let a small part of me care.