Imperfect Truth

by C. A. Popovich

  *

  Alex pulled into her carport, turned off the engine, and closed her eyes as she tipped her head back. Why is this still so hard? All she wanted to do was meet new people and make a few friends. She loved Jen dearly, but she was tired of having no one but her with whom to go out to dinner or a movie. No coaching from the federal marshals had prepared her for the constant stress of having to avoid revealing her past.

  Inside her apartment, she opened her laptop and Googled Debra Johnson. She thought about the minimal information available on Alexandra Reed. She avoided all social media and used an alias for her email account. The U.S. Marshals had done their best to erase her former self from the Internet, but she had Joe to worry about that. She couldn’t find a Facebook page or LinkedIn account for Debby, but she found a bio with a picture on the Michigan Pharmacists Association website. Debby looked great in a white lab coat. She allowed herself a brief fantasy of revealing her true self to her and living free. Free to enjoy the sparkle in her eyes and free of the constant vigilance to contain the banned memories. She shut down her computer and took Abby outside before heading to Jennifer’s.

  Alex began the knocking signal, and Jen answered within a minute. “Hey, sis.”

  “You’re early. Didn’t the Meetup go well?” Jen asked.

  “It was fun but not a long hike. More like the walk I do with Abby, but I might have made a new friend with a horse.” Alex hung Abby’s leash on a hook next to the door and hugged Jen.

  “A horse? You love horses.” Jen stepped back out of the hug to look her in the eye. “You didn’t tell her about Mr. Ed did you?”

  “No. But almost. I let myself get too comfortable and nearly made a mistake.” Alex shook her head and blew out a breath. “Want to order a pizza and watch Criminal Minds tonight?”

  “Sure. You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m okay. Just a little frustrated. I can’t believe it’s still so difficult.”

  Alex plopped onto the couch and picked up the TV remote. Jen sat next to her and wrapped her arms around her. Alex didn’t move away.

  “Yeah. Extremely difficult. The good news, though, is that each day we’re here living our new lives, and becoming our new selves, we’re safer. We settle and blend in, so it’ll get easier.”

  Jen smiled, and Alex wondered about her newfound confidence. She sat up and stared at her. “When did you get so comfortable?” She looked closer at the room and realized the overnight bag was gone.

  “Yep. I put it away. I’m tired of living in fear, and…I’ve met someone.”

  Alex knew it was bound to happen eventually. Jennifer was a nice looking woman, and she had been dating a guy in Florida. Alex stood and shook her head in an attempt to dislodge the memory she was supposed to expunge. It made sense that someone would ask Jen out sooner or later. “You met someone, huh? When did this happen? You haven’t said a word about him.”

  “I met Phil at work. He’s a cop, and I feel safe with him. We’ve only had three dates, but I like him a lot.”

  “Joe will want to meet him.” Alex knew their WITSEC inspector wouldn’t object to Jen’s dating, but they were required to let him know about anyone new in their lives.

  “I already called him. He’ll be here next weekend because Phil’s coming over for dinner on Saturday. You’ll be here, too, won’t you?”

  Alex smiled and nodded. “Of course I will. I can’t wait to meet this new man of yours. Did you call Dad?”

  “I did. No surprise that he declined the invitation.”

  “I talked to him last week, and he seemed okay. We may have to go visit him if we want to see him.” Alex shook her head.

  “Yeah. I wish he’d get over his guilt. I keep telling him we love and support him, but I don’t think he’ll ever forgive himself for tearing our lives apart.” Jennifer sighed and stood to get her phone. “Hey, bring that horsewoman with you.”

  The thought had crossed her mind to invite Debby. She was good company and they could probably be friends, but she worried she’d slip again. She was unsure of how to involve a new friend in her life’s untruths, but the only way to find out was to try.

  “I don’t have her number. I don’t even know where she lives.”

  “She was at the park with you. She can’t possibly live too far away, right?”

  “Maybe, but I don’t have any way of contacting her.” Alex stood and went to the kitchen to fix a cup of hot chocolate.

  “Okay. I won’t bring it up again.”

  Alex heard the concern in Jen’s voice and returned to the living room. “I’m sorry, Jen. I’m just not sure I trust myself completely yet. I almost slipped today.”

  “No problem. You gonna make a cup for me, too?” Jen pointed to the steaming cup Alex set on the end table and grinned.

  *

  “Well, that was fun, Buddy. I’m going to do it again.” Debby tossed her car keys on her kitchen counter, stretched her back for a few minutes, and grabbed a beer from her refrigerator. Her cat purred and sprang onto her lap when she settled into her swivel rocker. She tipped her head back and enjoyed the tranquility of having a purring cat in her lap. Her thoughts drifted to Alex and their outing. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so comfortable with a woman she didn’t intend to sleep with. Maybe that’s why it was comfortable. Having no expectations for a change felt refreshing, liberating. She pushed away the sliver of fear by reminding herself of her list. She had never used it to guard against friendship before, but those lines seemed blurred with Alex. Her mind kept calling her a potential friend, but her heart wondered if there could be more. This is ridiculous. I just met her.

  She logged on to her computer and double-checked the meeting time for the next Meetup before turning her thoughts again to Alex and the hike that had turned out to be merely a stroll through the park. It didn’t matter. She got plenty of exercise riding her horse. Alex had expressed excitement at the fact that she had a horse. Then it was as if she had stopped herself from admitting something. Debby wondered if Alex just misspoke or if she was trying to hide something. Will I ever trust anyone? Is anyone actually trustworthy?

  She typed Alexandra Reed into her search engine and scrolled through various results. She didn’t find anyone that sounded like the woman she’d met. She found no Facebook or LinkedIn account, or anyone living in Northville.

  Debby sipped her beer and rested her hand on Buddy’s warm back. “At least I know I can trust you. We’re going to order Chinese food and watch Criminal Minds tonight.” She set down her beer and called to order her dinner. Her life wasn’t perfect, but it was safe. And that’s how she liked it.

  Chapter Four

  Debby filled the last prescription of her last day working at Walgreens and placed it into a customer bin. She took one last look at the line of impatient customers ignoring the sign behind which they were to stand to protect others’ privacy. They juggled items in their arms as they tried to balance their purchases. A harried looking woman yanked on the arm of a toddler attempting to grab anything within reach from the shelves. A bearded man leaned on a cane and stared blankly at the pharmacy tech, who was explaining about his pain medication prescription. A pair of teenaged girls, standing in the hair product aisle, giggled as they stuffed items into their backpacks. The last task on her last day would be to call security. She wouldn’t miss this chaos. She phoned the front office to report the girl’s shoplifting and said good-bye to her coworkers. She promised Jake she’d stop by and say hello once in a while, and left without looking back.

  She opened her car door and was about to slide into the driver’s seat when a familiar figure crossed the parking lot. She waved just as Alex stepped onto the sidewalk in front of the building entrance and looked her way.

  “Hi, Debby.”

  “Hey. How’re you doing?” Debby watched her stride toward her. She wore tailored pants with a matching blazer. As she got closer, she read Hyatt Place stitched on the lapel. She looked professional without hiding the fact that
she was a sexy woman.

  “Great. I needed to pick up a prescription on my way home. Do you shop here?”

  Debby drew her eyes away from Alex’s breasts filling out the front of her blouse as she unbuttoned her blazer. “I used to work here. Today was my last day.”

  “I hope that’s a good thing. That it was your choice, I mean.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m a pharmacist who’s totally fed up with working at a retail pharmacy. I’m looking forward to a new position in a private nursing home.”

  “Ah. I’m glad you’re going to do what you want.”

  “Thanks. I see you work at the Hyatt. Do you like it?” Debby leaned on her car door as she spoke, trying to quell the tiny butterflies she felt at seeing Alex again.

  “I do. I’ve only been there a year, but I find it interesting. We have guests from all over the world since it’s connected to the showcase and convention center.”

  “That’s the one off the expressway, isn’t it?”

  “Yep.”

  “I’ve never stayed at the hotel, but I go to the horse expo every year.” Debby smiled, and the blush creeping up Alex’s cheeks surprised her.

  “I love that show. The equestrian expo is in November. Maybe you’d like to go? I get complimentary tickets since I work at the hotel.” Alex hesitated and continued. “I don’t mean we have to go together if you don’t want to.” She looked nervous.

  “I’d love to go together. It’ll be fun.” Debby didn’t tell Alex she already had the event highlighted on her calendar. She was looking for someone besides Kristen with whom to attend the event, so she appreciated her invitation.

  “Cool.” Alex shifted and looked like she wanted to say more. “I…uh…my sister is having a little dinner party next Saturday. Do you think you’d like to come? I know it’s last-minute, but she doesn’t have many friends and loves to cook. There’ll probably be enough food for ten people and it’s just dinner.” Alex’s voice trailed off and she took a breath.

  “I need to be clear about this, Alex. I’m not interested in dating anyone, so if that’s what you had in mind—”

  “No!” She blushed and smiled slightly. “I’m not looking for a date either. I just need a friend. Someone to do things with, like the horse show. We seemed to get along well at the Meetup hike, so I thought it would be nice to have you for company. That’s all.”

  Debby smiled as Alex wiped her palms on her pants. Alex was cute when she was nervous, but she didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable, so she pulled out her phone. “Let’s exchange numbers and emails, and you can let me know where I need to be and when I need to be there. Lots of food sounds good.”

  Alex visibly relaxed, and Debby’s fears evaporated in the heat of her smile. This was what she wanted. A non-sexual relationship with a woman she liked, with whom she could share life’s various events. Still, she began her mental recitation of the items on her list.

  *

  Alex eyed the flashing lights of the police car parked on the side of the building. She entered the drugstore but was stopped midway to the prescription counter by one of the officers.

  “It’ll only be a moment, ma’am,” the tall cop said as he kept one eye on his partner, who was leading a female in handcuffs past them. Memories she was supposed to purge surfaced as she watched the girl who couldn’t have been older than fourteen being led away in shackles. That young girl, probably shoplifting, could have been her younger sister at that age if she hadn’t been there to guide her away from trouble. Her heart ached for the girl.

  The policeman waved her on and followed the captive out, and Alex proceeded to the pharmacy counter. She waited in line and wished she would’ve used this drug store before. She would’ve enjoyed seeing Debby’s beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. She paid for her purchase and left the store.

  Alex sat in her car for five minutes, examining her feelings. She was glad Debby’s intentions about dating matched her own. She still worried about slipping up, but if they only saw each other occasionally at public events, it would be easier for her to keep her story straight. It might have been a mistake to invite Debby to Jen’s dinner party, but when she saw her in the parking lot, all her reservations had disappeared. She was definitely attracted to Debby, but she would never act on it. They were friends who enjoyed each other’s company and liked to do things together. That would be all, and that needed to be enough. It’s a start. It’s one more friend than I’ve had, anyway.

  She looked at Debby’s number in her phone and realized it was the first time since relocating that she had someone other than Jen and Joe to text. Now to figure out what to say.

  *

  “Hey, Buddy. We’re celebrating the end of working for a drugstore tonight.” Debby filled her cat’s bowl with his favorite canned food and watched as he settled in to eat. His quiet purring did little to calm her uneasiness with her decision to spend time with Alex. Her original plan to ask her to attend the wedding had somehow morphed into plans for two other events. She wanted someone to do things with, but she hadn’t planned to feel so comfortable and attracted to the one she chose to hang out with. Items five and six on her list mandated a high level of comfort and attraction in a lover, but Alex could only be a friend, and although she was comfortable with her on a surface level, who knew what they’d be like if things got serious? They’d agreed to no dating, and she would hold up her part of the bargain. She would probably find an essential flaw in Alex anyway if they spent enough time together. She pulled a bottle of water out of her refrigerator and headed to her barn to feed Shadow.

  “Feeling neglected, boy?” Debby tossed a flake of hay in the corner of her horse’s stall and filled his grain bucket for the night. “We’ll ride with Kristen and Zigzag this weekend.” As soon as she spoke, she realized the barrel racing event was Saturday. The day she’d agreed to go to Alex’s for dinner. She pulled out her phone and sent a text.

  Alex, what time is dinner next Saturday?

  She put her phone away and began brushing Shadow as he munched on his hay. She had only finished brushing one side when her phone pinged.

  Hey, Debby. Good to hear from you. We’re planning dinner for seven o’clock. Problem?

  Debby thought for a moment before replying. Seeing Alex at dinner, in her own environment, could help her decide for sure if she wanted to ask her to the wedding.

  No problem. I was hoping to ride in a barrel racing event on Saturday and wanted to make sure I’d have enough time. Should be okay.

  Alex’s reply was immediate.

  Barrel racing? Is it a private event or can anyone attend?

  Debby hesitated. Should she invite Alex to the fairgrounds? It was one of the last few scheduled competitions for the summer, and it was open to spectators. Friends invite friends to that sort of thing, right?

  Anyone can come and watch. Debby took a breath before continuing her text. I’d love a cheering section, if you’re interested. Be at the Novi fairgrounds at 1 p.m. Ring number four.

  Alex’s positive reply came five minutes later, and Debby pushed aside her excitement at the prospect of seeing her. It’s just good to have a friend, that’s all. Nothing more.

  *

  “I’m glad you invited her,” Jen said.

  “I didn’t intend to, but I saw her in the parking lot of Walgreens and decided I wanted to. Thanks for including her.”

  “Does she like fish? I was thinking of baking some fresh salmon with steamed asparagus tips.”

  “God! I’ve no idea. But if she has some food allergies or hated something, wouldn’t it be up to her to tell me?” Alex paced the kitchen, regretting her snap decision to invite Debby to dinner.

  “Yeah. I think you’re right. I’ll bake a couple of Cornish hens, too, with wild rice and acorn squash. If she doesn’t like any of that she can have a bologna sandwich.” Jen grinned and Alex relaxed.

  “Thanks. I’ll bring my yogurt and Cool Whip pie.”

  “Ooh, make the peach one
.” Jen’s eyes lit up and she clapped.

  “Peach it is. And if Debby doesn’t like it, she can eat leftover Girl Scout cookies.” Alex and Jen laughed, but Alex wondered if she should be worried. Debby was the first friend she had allowed into her life since her relocation, and she wanted to make it work.

  “Thanks for picking up my prescription, by the way. The frequency of my migraines has subsided considerably since I found this doctor and the medication.”

  “I’m glad they’re working for you. I’ll bet the tension of the past few years hasn’t helped any.”

  “Probably not. But I’ve been doing yoga and meditation with Sue at lunch every day, and that seems to be a huge help, too. You should give it a try.”

  “Do you have a DVD or something?” Alex asked.

  “I do. Come on, I’ll show you.”

  Alex followed her into the living room where she laid out two thin mats on the floor, and within five minutes, Alex was struggling to keep up with the flexible woman on the DVD. She was nearly folding her body in half, and Jennifer was keeping up as if she had done it her whole life.

  “This is hard.” Alex blew out a breath and plopped to the floor out of the silly position the instructor was demonstrating. “When do we get to the meditation part?”

  Jen fast-forwarded to the end of the disc. “This is called yoga nidra. It’s a guided meditation, so just lie on your back and rest.”

  Alex reclined on the floor, and for the next ten minutes allowed the soothing voice of the narrator to carry her into a world of peace and tranquility. She felt her body become heavy and melt into the floor as she allowed her awareness to float outside of the room and back again. She let go of any residual stress of her day, relaxed totally, and fell in love with yoga nidra.

  Chapter Five

  Debby pulled into the fairgrounds with her horse trailer an hour before the start of the event, intending to walk Shadow in the ring a few times. It had been several weeks since they’d competed, and she hadn’t had much time for training. She waved to Kristen, who was waiting for her with her horse.