Whirl

by M, Jessie

  I’m really anxious about this now.

  I stand still at the window for a while, making sure he’s well and truly gone, staring at the artwork on the driveway. Shit... I’ve got to clear that paint up somehow.

  I go outside and pick up the roses and put them in a plastic bag in the trash. Then I go into the garage and take a look around. I find a half bottle of brush cleaner. I take it outside and pour it over the paint and brush at it with a broom. It starts to loosen it up, smudging it everywhere. Soon, a pink foam forms as I work at it. I’m going to need a hell of a lot more of this to get rid of it all though. I scrub it all over the best I can and then wash the pink froth away into the drain at the end of the drive with the hose. It’s still noticeable, but not so bad now. I go back and look for something else. There’s a large plastic container of white spirit half hidden behind a box of plaster. I’m feeling more positive now. This should shift it completely. I carry it over and tip a large amount on and scrub like hell. After three applications and thorough rinses it’s gone. No more heart shape left. I stand and look at it critically. I don’t think there’ll be any trace of it when it dries. I’m suddenly feeling really high on the fumes. Wobbly and lightheaded. Or maybe it’s all the energetic scrubbing in the heat of the sun. More likely a bit of both. In any case, I need to have a lie down to recover. Not only that, but my face is stinging like mad with the strong vapour it’s been subjected to. I need a shower too.

  Ten minutes later I’m clean and lounging on the sofa, recovering while having a cup of coffee. I’m wondering why the hell I’m doing this. Covering up for Sam. For some warped reason, and despite his odd stalker behaviour, I don’t want him to get into trouble. I feel it’s all my fault. I’ve driven him to it. I’ve got to handle this on my own. Make him understand that there’s no chance of us ever getting together. He seemed so nice, and so normal. Who’d have thought he could have done this? This wasn’t a quick and rash act. It was premeditated. He went out and bought flowers and most probably the spray paint too and then rode over here to do it. There was lots of time and opportunity for him to change his mind and see the light. But he didn’t.

  I sit in the garden for the rest of the afternoon, working on getting some kind of tan, although I know that it’s pointless. I’m a naturally pale person. The only colour I ever get from the sun is pink or pinker. I try reading a book I’ve brought with me, to relieve the sunbathing boredom, but I can’t switch off and get into the story. Thoughts of knife wielding spurned lovers and bunny boilers keep popping into my head. I wish I didn’t watch so many creepy movies.

  No, that’s ridiculous, he wouldn’t go that far, would he? I go inside and pick Joey up from his contented sleep on the armchair. I hug him close protectively. If any more unsettling things happen, I’ll have to tell Bren. He can help me deal with this, if need be. He’s probably the only one Sam will listen to.

  I finally get replies to my messages which thankfully distract me from the real life Fatal Attraction movie playing out in my head.

  Mum says, “Dad is thinking about taking early retirement. We may sell the house and move away somewhere warm. How do you feel about that?”

  I reply... “Do whatever you want. Don’t stay in the cold grey UK because of me. I don’t know where I’ll be, I might go and work abroad myself.”

  In truth I’m just saying this to make them feel better about taking the leap because I’m all for it. The UK is getting crazy. It’s getting more crowded and busier and very, very expensive. Plus it’s miserably cold and wet most of the year. It’s not a place I’d like to live in when I’m getting older, or even now to be honest. California is so much more appealing. Or Florida. Or Spain. Maybe even the Canaries or the Greek Islands. Anywhere south of the UK in fact.

  Kelly’s reply makes me laugh out loud.

  “Fuckanory! In love already? You’re a fast worker girl. What’s your secret? Magic love dust?”

  I reply with an equal dose of humour.

  “I go all out on my love assault. Love potion, love dust, love spells, an arrow through the heart and tons of sex. How’s James btw?”

  “Red hot. To be precise, a lust shade of red hot hotness.” I laugh at that. Lust is actually a shade of red. A lot of people don’t know that. I didn’t until Kelly told me.

  “And you’re the scarlet woman, I suppose?”

  “Electric crimson. It’s a touch hotter.... LOL”

  “Call you later in the week. Enjoy your ‘50 Shades of Red’.”

  Well that was an amusing coincidence. Having a conversation about red paint after scrubbing it off the driveway for over an hour today.

  Finally I read Alex’s reply.

  “There’s nothing remotely funny about my ass and by all means wear your furry bikini. I suggest you wear something over it though, we won’t be alone.”

  I’m just reading this and smiling to myself when Brendan arrives at the door, home from work.

  “Lex, the driveway has suddenly turned pink. D’you know anything about that?”

  “No, how strange. Let me come and see,” I lie following him out to the front of the house to see the extent of the damage.

  It looks a lot pinker than I thought it would now that it’s dry. Oh blast! But at least you can’t see the big red heart anymore.

  “I don’t know anything about this Bren. It looks like someone has spilled a pink milkshake on it and rubbed it in, doesn’t it?” I’m hoping he doesn’t notice the smell of the white spirit and paint brush cleaner hanging in the air, because I can still smell it.

  “Yeah, maybe it was kids messing around or something?”

  “God knows. I didn’t see or hear a thing. I’ll give it a scrub on Thursday, if you like? I’ll get something from the store when I’m out with Toni.” I try to keep the guilty tone out of my voice. Maybe I should just tell him the truth, I hate lying to him. No... I’m giving Sam once last chance. Maybe if I see him at the bar, I can talk to him face to face.

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll use the pressure washer later on tonight,” Brendan says while giving me a questioning look. Maybe I shouldn’t have sounded so keen to clean it up. I’m not sure he isn’t picking up on the fact that I’m lying through my teeth. I’m a dreadful liar. I feel I’m as pink in the face as the driveway is at this moment.

  Chapter 6

  We all arrive at the restaurant for Toni’s birthday. She is so happy tonight. She loved all her presents and cards and she’s wearing her new Pandora and six charms with great pride. I’m introduced to Leanne who is a small, dainty, and curly haired blond. She is very sweet and pretty and has an amazing high pitched laugh. The six of us sit and eat and chat away nicely together. Frankie is behaving himself, although I must admit I like the flirty version of him better. I suppose it wouldn’t be appropriate in present company. We have the cake and sing the obligatory Happy Birthday to Toni who blows out the candles beautifully. By nine we’re all done and ready to hit the bar.

  1950 is crowded for a Wednesday. I wouldn’t have thought it would be. All too soon I see why. There’s a live band tonight. What fun this is! We make our way through to the bar and Brendan gets the drink orders in. The band is quite loud. It doesn’t look like we’ll be talking much whilst they’re playing. Alex snuggles up behind me, his arms around my waist. He kisses my neck and breathes into my ear, whispering. “Love you.”

  I whisper, “Love you too” back into his. I scan the room looking for Sam. I see his tall blond form over on the other side of the bar, standing next to where we were sitting on my first night here. He is with a large group of men, some in uniform. I don’t think I could have a direct and serious conversation with Sam here tonight. It’s too noisy. Maybe another time. I forget about him for a while. Until I see him make his way over and begin chatting with Toni. He looks at me and I flash my eyes at him in annoyance. He has a few words with Brendan. I assume he realises I haven’t ratted on him about the paint job or else Brendan would have had a go at him by now.

/>   I feel Alex tense as he spots Sam within our group. I tense even more. I hope nothing goes off tonight. It would spoil Toni’s birthday party. Sam moves off towards the bar. I notice he changes direction and goes off towards the rest rooms. I wait a moment and then tell Alex I’m going to the ladies’ room. I go out into the corridor and stand outside the ladies’ waiting for Sam to come out of the mens' bathroom.

  He emerges moments later and stops in front of me in surprise.

  “Sam, I was really unimpressed by your little stunt the other day. I managed to clean it all up, lucky for you.”

  “I told you. I don’t care.”

  “This is pointless. I’m with Alex. We love each other. There is no possibility that you and I are going to get together. If you do anything crazy again I’ll have to tell Bren.”

  “Tell whoever you like. It makes no difference.” Jeez... It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall.

  “Now listen to me Sam. No more of this, okay? NO MORE!” I raise my voice and harden my expression.

  I don’t get a chance to say any more than that as he sweeps me off my feet, flings me over his shoulder and bolts out of the door with me hanging upside down. I thump his back and try to shout but all the breath is knocked out of my body as he runs a short distance across the parking lot. He gets to his car and opens the back door and throws me inside. I’m shitting myself. What’s he going to do with me? Rape me? Strangle me? Kill me? Fatal Attraction seems all too real at this moment.

  “What are you going to do with me?” I manage to croak in abject terror.

  “Make you see sense.”

  “Please don’t,” I beg him. I’m now pretty sure I know what’s going to go down here and my stomach is churning with nausea and fear.

  “I know you want me so don’t lie about it. You were so fucking hot for me before.” His voice is mean and his look is determined.

  “Sam. Please no. Please.” I back away to the far side. I’m wishing I’d worn jeans or something other than this short skirt I have on. It makes it all too easy for him. He leans across me and while grabbing my hips pulls me down flat on the back seat and lies on top of me, crushing me with his weight. I push at his chest in vain, but he’s far too heavy and muscular for me to move. He tries to kiss me and I move my head from side to side to avoid it. He takes hold of my chin roughly and forces his tongue in my mouth.

  I don’t recognise this hard, angry man as the sweet, good looking one I kissed the other night. I’m pretty sure he’s really tanked up too. I can taste alcohol strongly on his breath. There’s nothing I can do but accept what’s coming. No one knows I’m here. I stop fighting and lie still as he kisses my face and neck. His hands roam all over my body. Tears pool in my eyes and stream down the sides of my face.

  “Lex, you’re so beautiful. We’re meant for each other. Don’t cry, it’ll be wonderful. You’ll see.” His tone is suddenly sweet and caring. His finger brushes away the tears from my cheeks. I stay silent. I just want it over with so I can get out of here and away from him. That’s if he lets me go afterwards. My God... Supposing he doesn’t?

  He pushes my legs apart and I feel him fumbling at his pants. I try and will myself somewhere else. I’m not here. I’m in the yard at Toni’s with Joey purring on my lap, surrounded by flowers and sunshine. I can’t stop the huge sob that leaves my mouth as I feel him prod against my underwear. I try one last time.

  “Sam, I don’t want you. You’re raping me. Is this what you want? Really?”

  He doesn’t seem to hear. I hear his hard, ragged breathing against my ear and feel him dragging my knickers down. He’s touching me, his fingers rubbing everywhere. I bite my lip hard and close my mind.

  Suddenly, the door is pulled open and Brendan’s voice shouts out loudly.

  “Get the fuck off her, you bastard.” I thank God that he has sent Brendan to me. He’s my saviour. My knight in shining armour. I couldn’t love my sister’s husband any more than I do at this moment. Tears gush down my face and I’m in full flood. Howling my heart out. Ten seconds more and it would have been much worse. He’d have been inside me. Raping me. I feel the weight of his body lift as Brendan pulls Sam off me and out of the car. I lie there listening to their raised voices, but hearing nothing, sobbing my heart out, desperately trying to pull my underwear up. Then I feel gentle arms around me, lifting me up. Brendan carries me back inside and into the corridor at the bar. He puts me on my feet and hugs me close, trying to calm me down.

  “Hey, it’s okay now Lex. It’s alright. You’re safe. Tell me, did he do it? You know...?”

  I shake my head, spluttering out the words. “Nearly... I felt him... push me there... but no... He didn’t rape me.”

  He strokes my hair.

  “Thank God for that.” He lets out a massive sigh of relief.

  “What’s going on?” Alex’s voice sounds next to us. Brendan passes me over to him and he takes me in his arms in confusion.

  “Look Alex, promise me you’ll try to keep calm... I found her in Sam’s car. He was trying to rape her. Pants undone, on top of her...”

  “WHAT?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Where is he?”

  “I sent him home.”

  “Fucking hell... I’M GONNA KILL HIM!”

  “No you fucking won’t!”

  “I fucking will!”

  I continue to sob against Alex’s chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. He holds me tightly, and I feel so safe with his arms protecting me.

  “Oh baby... Lex, how far did he actually get?” He kisses my forehead.

  I shake my head. “He didn’t do it... Brendan came... and... stopped him.” I choke out.

  “How did this happen Lex?” Alex asks me, a hard tone to his voice.

  I shake my head again. “Give me a minute,” I gulp, snivelling and trying to calm my crying. I can’t speak properly, let alone tell the whole sordid tale. It needs to be told from the beginning. He strokes my hair and rubs my back and I start to calm down, taking big deep shaky breaths against him.

  A few seconds later Toni appears in the corridor, searching us out.

  “Oi you lot, this is supposed to be my par....” She stops when she sees my tear-stained face. “What’s happened?”

  “There was an incident with Sam,” Brendan explains tactfully.

  “What kind of incident?” She probes, her voice rising in alarm.

  “Okay. I think I can talk now,” I manage shakily. My hands are trembling and my legs feel weak. I know I’m in shock. I take a few more deep breaths and begin my tale, stopping for a shaky breather every now and then.

  “Ever since that first night when you dropped me at home Alex, Sam’s had another agenda. He managed to get my phone number somehow and he’s been texting me. He wouldn’t take no for an answer... I wanted to control the situation on my own, because I felt guilty about him. The scene here at the bar, with you and him.” I look at Alex. “It wasn’t his fault, was it? But it started to get worse. After the text he sent me a card. I’ll show it to you later. It was really obsessive and creepy... And yesterday he turned up at the house. I was on my own and he text me to say look outside. He’d spray painted the driveway with a massive heart and thrown roses all over it.” I turn to Brendan to explain my lie, “that’s why it was pink Bren. I tried to scrub it all away, so you didn’t see it. I didn’t want him to get into trouble over it. I told him to leave me alone. But he still wouldn’t listen. He kept saying he would never give up and he was waiting for his chance... Just now, I went to the ladies’ deliberately, to wait and tell him face to face, no more of this stalking stuff. I was getting worried about things escalating. I thought if I approached him here, in the bar, it was a public place and I’d be safe.....” I pause as I get to the point of my earlier terror. “But he picked me up like a rag doll and threw me over his shoulder and took me to his car. If Brendan hadn’t shown up when he did, he’d have raped me. There was nothing I could do. He was too strong for me
to fight off. I was really scared he might strangle me...” I burst into tears again and Alex hugs me tight.

  “Jesus Lex. You should have told me about this. All of it,” Alex says softly against my ear.

  “And us too...” Added Bren. “We’re your family for crissakes!”

  “I know that now. I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have got this far. It’s all my fault again.”

  “No, it’s not your fault he tried to rape you. Don’t ever think that!” Alex says angrily.

  Toni’s crying too. We all have a hug together. I feel so guilty about ruining her lovely birthday party.

  “What’s going to happen to him?” I ask. I’m not sure I can bear going to the police station to report an attempted rape.

  “That’s up to you Lex,” Brendan says quietly, giving Alex a look out of the corner of his eye. “I can be a witness to it, if you want me to.”

  “I want you and Alex to go and get Sam and bring him here in a civil fashion and for us to sort it out. No police. He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t actually rape me, although I know he would have given more time. If he had, I would have to involve the police. I know what he did is still a sexual assault, but let’s try and keep this between us, please?”

  “Now?” Asks Brendan looking at me and then Alex.

  “I think it’s best we get it over with, don’t you?” I look around for confirmation. It seems everyone agrees with me.

  “Come on, let’s go.” Alex says and makes to leave with Brendan, but I stop them for a moment.

  “Bren, before you go, tell me, how did you know I was out there?” The thought suddenly struck me.

  “I noticed you headed to the restrooms. I went myself a couple of minutes later and expected Sam to be there but he wasn’t. So I looked outside to see if his car was still there. That’s when I saw movement in the back of his car. It was your arm, I think. It seemed odd, for him to be in the back of his car with someone just like that and then I had the awful realisation that it could be you. It was pure luck I saw that Lex. Thank God I did. I’ve been really worried about Sam’s behaviour lately and I’ve been keeping an eye on him. He’s had an overnight change in his personality. He’s really short tempered and odd and it’s been weirding me out. And now I know why he was playing with my phone in here the other evening, a stupid game he was pretending to be messing around with. He wanted to get your phone number obviously.”