There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom

by Louis Sachar

  He opened the door to Carla’s office and stepped inside. Except for the round table and chairs, the room was empty. But in his mind he heard Carla say, Hello, Bradley. It’s a pleasure to see you today. I appreciate your coming to see me.

  Tears rolled down his face.

  He noticed a large manila envelope lying on the table. He picked it up.

  BRADLEY CHALKERS was written across it in big letters. Under that, in smaller letters, was the following:

  Mrs. Ebbel’s class Room 12 Good friend, Honest, Thoughtful, Caring, Polite, Whom I will never forget, And who I hope Will someday Forgive me Last seat, last row

  “There you are!” said Mrs. Kemp as she came in after him. “If you don’t get out of here right now, I’m going to call the police.”

  “Look!” he exclaimed, holding up the envelope. “She left this for me. See! We were friends. Carla and me. We were best friends.”

  “You have ten seconds to leave this building,” said Mrs. Kemp. “One … two …”

  He took the envelope and left.

  He opened it on the playground, next to the monkey bars. Inside was the book My Parents Didn’t Steal an Elephant, by Uriah C. Lasso, and a letter.

  Dear Bradley,

  This book was a present from me to you. It was a gift from the heart, and that kind of gift, for better or worse, can never be returned.

  I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t mean to. If it makes you feel any better, you hurt me, too, when you didn’t come see me Friday or Saturday. I kept hoping I’d see your happy face walk through the door.

  I hope you didn’t mind that I gave your book report to Mrs. Ebbel. It was just too good to throw away. You can do such wonderful work. Now, if only you can learn how not to rip it up.

  I hope you went to Colleen’s birthday party. If you did, I’m sure you enjoyed it. If you didn’t go, that’s all right too. There will be lots of other parties. You’re a very likable person. You’ll always be very special to me.

  It was always a pleasure to see you. I appreciated your coming to see me. Thank you for sharing so much with me.

  I love you,

  Carla

  Bradley’s father was leaning on his cane, on the front stoop, when Bradley came walking home. “I want to talk to you, Bradley,” he said sternly.

  Bradley ran to him and hugged him, nearly knocking him over.

  42.

  Bradley tried writing a letter to Carla. His father had suggested it. He crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in his wastepaper basket. He didn’t know what to say to her. The words he wanted hadn’t been invented yet.

  Ronnie hopped along, singing, “doo de-doo de-doo de-doo.”

  The other animals were taking another vote.

  “We took another vote,” the lion told Ronnie. “We like you the best.”

  “I like all of you the best too,” said Ronnie.

  Bartholomew walked up to her. “I love you, Ronnie,” he said. “Will you marry me?”

  “Yes,” said Ronnie.

  “And I saved you from the quicksand too,” said Bartholomew, “so you didn’t die.”

  “That’s good,” said Ronnie. “I’m very glad to hear that.”

  43.

  Colleen, wearing a new red dress, anxiously waited for her guests to arrive. Except for Lori and Melinda, she hadn’t told anybody that there would be boys at her party.

  The doorbell rang.

  Her heart jumped. She hoped it would be Jeff and also hoped it wouldn’t be. She composed herself and opened the door.

  It was Judy and Betty. They each gave her a present. “Ooh, what is it?” Colleen asked as she took each gift, but of course they didn’t tell her.

  “Who else is coming?” asked Judy as the three girls sat and waited in the living room.

  Colleen counted on her fingers, naming her guests. “Well, there’s you two, and Lori and Melinda, Karen, Amie and Dena …” She paused, then said the last two names very quickly, “andJeffandBradley.”

  “Bradley?” questioned Betty. “Bradley Chalkers? Oh, no!”

  Judy looked like she was about to faint.

  “You didn’t say there were going to be boys at your party,” said Betty.

  “Didn’t I?” Colleen asked innocently. “I thought I did.”

  “I don’t think I’m allowed to go to a boy and girl party,” said Judy.

  “Okay, but you already gave me my present,” said Colleen.

  They decided to stay. When the bell rang again, all three girls screamed, but it was only Amie and Dena.

  Amie and Dena were dressed exactly alike, right down to their shoes and socks. They were best friends and their parents often took them shopping together. They always bought the same clothes. Then, before a party, or even just before school sometimes, they’d call each other up and decide what to wear. Today it was a blue dress with white-and-yellow flowery things.

  “Colleen invited boys!” Betty told them.

  “Bradley Chalkers!” said Judy.

  Amie and Dena looked at each other in horror. Colleen took their presents from them, before they could change their minds. Both presents were wrapped in the same purple-and-green paper.

  Karen was the next to arrive. “Colleen invited boys!” everyone said to her as she stood in the doorway.

  Her mouth dropped open.

  “Bradley Chalkers,” said Betty.

  “And the new kid,” said Amie. “Jeff Fishfood.”

  Karen was very shy and quiet. If there were going to be boys at the party, she might not say one word all day.

  The doorbell rang. Everyone except Karen screamed. She held a pillow in front of her face.

  It was Lori and Melinda.

  “Colleen invited boys!” everyone greeted them.

  “Jeff Fishnose and Bradley Chalkers,” said Dena.

  “So, we already knew that,” Lori said, as if it were no big deal to her.

  “Oh, well, nobody else did,” said Judy.

  The eight girls waited. They talked and laughed about how much Colleen would like her presents. They asked her what there would be to eat and what games they would play. The one thing they didn’t talk about was boys, though it was the only thing on each of their minds.

  When Colleen told Dena there would be a three-legged race, the room turned very quiet. Each girl wondered if she would have to run it with a boy.

  Colleen planned to run the three-legged race with Jeff. It didn’t occur to her that if she was partners with Jeff, another girl would have to be partners with Bradley.

  It was starting to get late. A new worry slowly crept into each girl’s head. What if the boys didn’t show up? It suddenly seemed that the party wouldn’t be any fun at all without boys. Where were they?

  Colleen’s mother walked into the living room and counted heads. “Eight,” she said aloud. “Who’s missing?”

  Nobody answered.

  “Oh, the boys,” said Colleen’s mother. “Well, we can’t wait too much longer.”

  Colleen looked like she was about to cry.

  Where were they?

  44.

  The doorbell rang at Bradley’s house.

  Bradley, wearing a cone-shaped party hat, ran to the front door and flung it open. He had a wild look in his eyes.

  “Hi,” said Jeff, holding Colleen’s present under his arm. “You ready?” He was wearing old, comfortable clothes. His blue jeans had a small hole above the knee.

  “It’s wrapped!” Bradley exclaimed. “With a bow!”

  “Wha—?” uttered Jeff.

  Bradley ran back to his parents’ bedroom. “It’s got to be wrapped!” he told his mother. “With a bow!”

  She cut off a piece of tape and smiled at her son. “I’m wrapping it now.”

  “Okay, good!” He returned to the front door. “My mother’s wrapping it now,” he told Jeff.

  He had been running around the house that way all morning as he desperately tried to get ready for the birthday party. He’d
already changed his clothes six times. He didn’t know what he was supposed to wear. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know what he didn’t know!

  Claudia had given him the party hat to wear. She told him he wasn’t allowed to take it off.

  “They wrapped my present at the store where I got it,” Jeff said.

  Bradley hardly heard him. “Are you supposed to wear torn pants?” he asked.

  “What?”

  He ran into the kitchen. He took a sharp knife from the drawer next to the sink and cut a hole in his pants, just above the knee.

  When he returned to the front door, Jeff was standing inside the house. Claudia was with him. “Is my hat on straight?” Bradley asked his sister.

  She looked him over. “It’s hard to tell,” she explained, “because your head’s crooked.”

  Mrs. Chalkers came down the hall holding Colleen’s present in front of her. “See, all wrapped,” she said. “Hello, you must be Jeff. I’m Bradley’s mother.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Chalkers,” said Jeff.

  “It doesn’t have a bow!” Bradley shouted.

  “Oh, I couldn’t find any ribbon,” said his mother.

  He stared at her in disbelief. “It needs a bow!” he wailed. He turned to Jeff. “Doesn’t it need a bow?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, okay,” he said happily. He took the present from his mother. She kissed him and told him to have fun.

  He and Jeff started out the door.

  “Oh, Bradley,” said his mother, “you ripped your pants.”

  “I know.” He closed the door.

  They headed up the sidewalk toward Colleen’s. She lived two blocks away.

  “Do you want my bow?” Jeff asked. “I can take it off.”

  Bradley nervously shook his head.

  “Are you all right?” Jeff asked.

  “Umukum,” said Bradley. He had tried to say “I’m okay,” but his mouth didn’t work.

  “You’re acting kind of strange,” said Jeff, “even for you, I mean.”

  Bradley sighed and stopped walking.

  “What’s the matter?” Jeff asked.

  Bradley trembled. He felt the same way as when he first tried to turn in his homework. “I don’t know what to do at a birthday party,” he said, shivering.

  Jeff laughed.

  Bradley sat down on the curb. “I haven’t been to one in three years!”

  Jeff looked impatiently up the street, then sat down next to his best friend. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he said assuringly. “Birthday parties are fun.”

  “How many birthday parties have you been to?” Bradley asked.

  Jeff shrugged. “A lot. What do you want to know?”

  “Everything.”

  “Okay,” said Jeff. “First take off that dumb hat!”

  So, while the eight girls anxiously waited, Jeff was patiently trying to teach Bradley everything he knew about birthday parties.

  45.

  Bradley watched Jeff poke his finger into the doorbell and heard it ring inside the house. Then there was a loud scream. A moment later Colleen opened the door.

  “Hap-py birthd—” he sang, but stopped when Jeff elbowed him in his side.

  “This is for you,” Jeff said, handing Colleen his present.

  “This is for you,” said Bradley as he did the same.

  “Ooh, what is it?” she asked.

  “It’s a—” Bradley started, but Jeff elbowed him again, so he shut his mouth. They followed Colleen into the house.

  “You’re not supposed to tell her what you got her,” Jeff whispered.

  “But she asked.”

  “She’s supposed to ask. But you’re not supposed to tell her. Don’t tell anyone.”

  Bradley nodded like he understood, but of course he didn’t.

  “Hello, Bradley,” said Melinda.

  He looked to Jeff for help.

  “Hello, Melinda,” said Jeff.

  “Hello, Melinda,” said Bradley.

  Colleen’s mother came in and led everyone out to the backyard. A picnic table had been set up on the patio with paper plates and cups. Bradley chose a seat and sat down.

  “My, this boy must be hungry!” said Colleen’s mother.

  The girls laughed.

  Bradley looked around, puzzled. He was the only one sitting down. He quickly rose, bumping against the table. A paper cup fell onto the ground. As he bent down to pick it up, he knocked over his chair.

  The girls were hysterical. Bradley looked around helplessly. Amie picked up the cup and Dena set the chair right.

  “We don’t eat yet,” Jeff explained as Bradley made it safely away from the table. “First we have to play games.”

  Bradley turned pale.

  “Just do whatever I do,” said Jeff.

  A large dog dashed out through the back door and jumped up on Bradley, putting his muddy paws on his clean shirt. Bradley nearly fell over.

  “Chicken, get down!” scolded Colleen’s mother.

  Chicken had wiry red hair and a square face. He got down, but stayed by Bradley’s side.

  “Chicken’s usually afraid of everybody,” said Colleen.

  Bradley patted his head, glad Chicken liked him.

  Mrs. Verigold split the group into two teams for a relay race. She put Jeff and Bradley on separate teams because she said it wouldn’t be fair for the two boys to be together.

  Bradley lined up with the other members of his team. He was in the middle. Amie and Betty were in front of him. Judy and Dena were behind him.

  On the other team, Jeff was talking to Colleen. Bradley wondered if he should talk to one of the girls on his team, but he didn’t know what to say. Besides, they were all talking to each other. He petted Chicken.

  “On your mark,” said Mrs. Verigold, “get set … go!”

  Suddenly the race started and everyone on his team was screaming. “C’mon, Amie!” “Go!” “Run, Amie!” “Faster!”

  He watched Amie run and touch a tree at the end of the yard, then turn around and come back. She slapped Betty’s hand, then Betty ran toward the tree.

  “Run, Betty!” everyone except Bradley shouted. “Slow down, Betty,” he whispered to himself, hoping his turn would never come.

  He turned around. Judy was behind him, yelling to Betty. “Do you want to go next?” he asked her.

  “Stick your hand out!” she hollered back.

  He spun around and stuck his hand out just in time. Betty slapped it and he took off. He ran as hard as he could to the tree.

  “Go, Bradley!” he heard someone yell. “C’mon, Bradley!” It made him want to run faster than he’d ever run before. Chicken barked at his side.

  Melinda was running for the other team. She had started before him, but he beat her to the tree. He almost slipped and fell, but caught his balance and charged back toward his cheering teammates.

  “C’mon, Bradley!” they all yelled.

  He slapped Judy’s hand, then bent over to catch his breath. He turned and shouted louder than anyone, “Go, Judy! Run!” then, “C’mon, Dena!”

  Dena crossed the finish line and everyone on his team jumped up and down.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “We won!” said Betty.

  He jumped up and down too.

  “That means we each get two points,” said Judy.

  That was something new. Jeff hadn’t told him anything about points.

  Judy explained it to him. “Everybody on the winning team gets two points, and everybody on the losing team gets one point.”

  Betty interrupted. “It would come out the same if they just gave one point to the winners and nothing to the losers,” she said, “but this way the losers don’t feel as bad.”

  “I’m telling him!” said Judy. “After each race we trade teams, and then at the end of all the races, Colleen’s mother counts up the points and the girl with the most points gets first pick from the basket of prizes. Then
the girl with the second most gets second pick, and so on.”

  “Colleen’s mother has a chart with everyone’s name on it to keep track of the points,” explained Betty.

  “I’m telling him!” said Judy. “Colleen’s mother has a chart.”

  Bradley laughed with delight. “Are all birthday parties this much fun?” he asked.

  Judy and Betty looked at each other. The only thing that made this party special was the boys, but they couldn’t tell that to Bradley.

  “Haven’t you ever been to a birthday party before?” asked Betty.

  “Not for a long time. I got kicked out of the last one I went to.”

  “Well, if you have any questions, just ask me,” said Betty.

  “Or me,” said Judy.

  “I’ve been to more birthday parties than you,” said Betty.

  “You have not!” said Judy. “She hasn’t.”

  “What about Holly’s birthday party?” asked Betty. “You didn’t go to that one.”

  “That’s because we were on vacation,” said Judy.

  “So, you still didn’t go.”

  They had to switch teams for the next relay race. This time Bradley was with Betty, Amie, Karen, and Melinda. For this race, everyone had to hop on one foot.

  “On one foot!” Bradley exclaimed.

  He rooted loudly for everyone on his team, and when it was his turn, he heard them all cheer for him. His team won again.

  “You’re an excellent hopper, Melinda,” he said after the race. “You hopped twice as far as Colleen on each hop.”

  Melinda beamed. “You’re a good hopper too,” she said.

  Colleen’s mother marked the points on the chart, and they switched teams for the next race. This time they had to hop on both feet.

  “On both feet!” Bradley exclaimed.

  They continued changing teams for each new race. He and Jeff were never allowed on the same team, and since Colleen always made sure that she was on Jeff’s team, Bradley was never with her either.

  He was glad about that. He felt comfortable with everybody else, but he was still a little scared of Colleen. He was afraid she might ask him another question he wasn’t supposed to answer.

  Lori was on his team for the backward race. She stood behind him in line and screamed in his ear the whole time. He loved it. He had to shout twice as loud just to hear himself.