There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom

by Louis Sachar

  His ear was still ringing when Mrs. Verigold announced that the next race would be a somersault race.

  The smile left his face. He didn’t know how to do a somersault! He looked anxiously at Chicken.

  But as it turned out, nobody on his team could do a somersault! It was hilarious. Everyone was laughing. When it was his turn, he rolled and flopped in every direction except the way he was supposed to go. And every time he hit the ground, Chicken tried to lick his face. Perhaps he would have done better if he could have stopped laughing.

  Everybody on the other team was good at somersaults. The teams just worked out that way. Karen was the best.

  “You should be in the Olympics!” he told her after the race.

  She smiled and blushed.

  Bradley smiled too. Even though his team lost, he thought it had been the most fun race of the day.

  Plus, when the girls somersaulted in their party dresses, he could see their underwear.

  46.

  Colleen’s mother told everyone to find a partner for the three-legged race. Jeff and Colleen looked nervously at each other.

  Judy and Betty paired up. They stood side by side with their arms around each other’s shoulders as Mrs. Verigold tied their inside legs together.

  Lori and Melinda became another team. Bradley thought they looked funny since Melinda was almost twice Lori’s size.

  Amie and Dena looked even funnier. Since they were both dressed the same, they looked like a two-headed monster. Except, of course, he didn’t believe in monsters.

  Karen suddenly realized what was happening. If Jeff and Colleen became partners, it meant she’d have to be partners with Bradley!

  “So, um,” Jeff said to Colleen. “Who’s your partner?”

  “No one, yet,” said Colleen. “Who’s yours?”

  “No one, yet.”

  Colleen’s mother stepped in and paired up the final two teams. She didn’t think it would be proper for a boy and a girl to have their legs tied together, so she made Jeff and Bradley one team, and Colleen and Karen the other.

  Bradley was glad that he and Jeff were finally on the same team. Colleen and Jeff were happy with the teams too. As much as they liked each other, they weren’t quite ready to put their arms around each other and tie their legs together. Karen was the only one who was disappointed. She thought it would have been exciting to have been partners with Bradley.

  The five teams lined up. It wasn’t a relay race. Each team would go at the same time. They had to run past the tree to the fence, then back.

  “Don’t try to run too fast,” Jeff cautioned. “The most important thing is that we keep together so we don’t fall down.”

  Bradley nodded.

  “On your mark,” said Mrs. Verigold. “Get set … go!”

  They took two steps, then tumbled to the ground.

  As they tried to get up, they kept pulling each other back down. At last they stood up together and started after the others.

  “Inside, outside, inside, outside …” Jeff directed as they moved their legs in unison.

  The other teams took a long time turning around at the fence. When Jeff and Bradley reached the fence, they simply fell down again and stood up facing the other direction. It was quicker that way.

  Amie and Dena were just ahead of them. Amie tried to go to the left of the tree as Dena tried to go to the right of it. They smashed into it.

  “Inside, outside, inside, outside …” said Jeff as he and Bradley charged around them.

  Karen and Colleen were in the lead when they suddenly stumbled and fell on their faces. Judy and Betty tumbled over them.

  Lori and Melinda had to stop and turn to avoid the pile.

  Jeff and Bradley charged past, now in first place. “Inside, outside, inside, outside …” called Jeff, but they must have missed a beat somewhere because when he said, “Inside,” they moved their outside feet, and when he said, “Outside,” they moved their inside feet.

  “Hey, Bradley, you’re going the wrong way!” yelled Lori.

  “Whoa, ahhh blbph!”

  Amie and Dena dived across the finish line in first place, just ahead of Lori and Melinda. Jeff and Bradley crawled across in third. Judy, Betty, Karen, and Colleen remained tangled together on the grass.

  After everyone got untied, they gathered on the grass next to the patio. “Now what?” Bradley asked nobody in particular.

  “Colleen’s mother is adding up the points,” said Betty.

  “Then we’ll get to pick our prizes,” said Judy.

  “He asked me!” said Betty.

  Everyone hushed as Mrs. Verigold prepared to announce the winner. “The winner is …”—she paused suspensefully—“… Bradley!”

  He was shocked. He had been on the winning team every time except for the three-legged race and the somersault race, but he had been having too much fun to notice.

  Everyone clapped their hands as he walked to the front. Mrs. Verigold gave him a blue ribbon that said First Place on it. No one had told him about the ribbon. Then he got to pick a prize.

  He looked through the basket. There were lots of good things from which to choose: dolls, makeup, perfume, earrings, hair ornaments. He chose a harmonica.

  Melinda came in second. Then Amie, Judy, Dena, Karen, Lori, and Betty, and Jeff was last.

  Jeff knew he’d be last, since he was never on Bradley’s team. The only race he won was the somersault race. Actually, he had tied for last with Colleen, but Colleen didn’t get a prize because she’d be getting all her presents later.

  Jeff took the only prize left in the basket, a doll’s dress. “Thank you,” he said politely.

  “Now what?” Bradley asked.

  “We have ice cream and cake,” said Melinda.

  “Oh boy,” said Bradley.

  Melinda laughed.

  They sat at the picnic table. Colleen sat at the head of the table. Bradley sat between Jeff and Melinda. Judy and Betty sat across from him.

  “Mrs. Verigold’s going to bring in the cake now,” said Judy.

  “With candles,” said Betty.

  “I’m telling him!” said Judy. “With candles.”

  Mrs. Verigold brought in the cake and suddenly everyone started singing. Bradley was caught by surprise. He didn’t have time to remember the words, though he tried. He sang:

  Hap-py birth-day dear Col— to you.

  Hap-py birth-day to you.

  Hap-py birth-day to y— Dear Colleen,

  Hap-py birth-day dea— to you,

  Hap-py birth-day to—”

  He suddenly realized he was the only one still singing.

  Everyone laughed.

  “It’s not his fault,” said Judy. “This is his first birthday party in a long time.”

  “There are ten candles because she’s ten years old,” explained Betty.

  “Oh, I get it!” said Bradley.

  Lori laughed.

  Colleen blew them all out.

  “That means her wish will come true,” explained Melinda.

  “But she can’t tell you what she wished for, otherwise it won’t come true,” Lori explained.

  Bradley carefully ate his cake and ice cream, without making a mess. Then everyone went into the living room, where Colleen opened her presents.

  “Open mine!” “Mine first,” they urged. “That one’s mine!”

  “Open mine, Colleen,” said Bradley.

  After each present was opened, everyone said, “How neat,” and “Ooh,” and “I wish I had one of those.”

  Bradley said those things too, and he meant what he said, although most of the gifts were things he never would have wanted.

  Colleen picked up the next present.

  “That’s mine!” he shouted.

  Colleen read the card. On the front of the card there was a picture of a baseball player swinging a baseball bat. It said, “Here’s hoping your birthday is …” On the inside of the card it showed the bat smacking a ball and it said
, “a big hit!” Under that it said, “Happy Birthday,” and it was signed, Love, Bradley.

  Everyone went crazy. “Love!” exclaimed Amie. “Love?”

  Bradley’s heart sank as he realized he had made a terrible mistake.

  “Bradley’s in love with Colleen!” said Dena.

  “Oooh, Bradley,” said Judy.

  “When are you getting married?” teased Lori.

  “Shut up!” Karen shouted.

  Everyone stopped talking and looked at her very surprised.

  “Big deal!” said Karen. “You’re all so immature.”

  Colleen tore off the wrapping paper and looked at Bradley’s gift. Her mouth dropped open. She showed it to everyone.

  “Wow!” said Lori.

  “Let me see!” said Amie.

  It was a replica of the human heart. They could see all the blood vessels, the aorta, and all the capillaries. The heart valves opened and shut. It could be taken apart and put back together again.

  “How neat!” said Melinda.

  “I wish I had one of those,” said Betty.

  Bradley smiled proudly. He felt happier about the fact that Colleen liked his present than about coming in first place. But, of course, he knew all along she’d like it. Carla had told him to give her a gift from the heart.

  Colleen opened the rest of the presents, then everyone went home.

  Jeff and Bradley left together. It was still light outside, although the street lights had come on.

  “So?” asked Jeff.

  “Wasn’t that fun!” Bradley exclaimed. “It was the most, at first when I gave Colleen her present and she asked me what it was, I almost told her! And then when I was the only one sitting at the table, ’My this boy must be hungry,’ but then the races started and everyone got points, even the losers. Only next time I won’t sign it love. Karen’s a good somersaulter. Chicken’s a funny name for a dog. Maybe if they get a chicken, they’ll name it Dog!”

  He blew into his harmonica.

  The doll’s dress dangled from Jeff’s hand.

  47.

  Dear Carla,

  Hi. What color shirt are you wearing today? I’m sorry I yelled at you. Guess what? I got a hundred percent on my arithmetic test. Can you believe it? And I didn’t rip it up! I would have sent it to you, but I can’t because it’s hanging on a wall in Mrs. Ebbel’s class. Do you like teaching kindergarten? I bet you’re a good teacher. Ask them to draw pictures for you. You should teach them how to do somersaults, too. Thanks for giving me back the book which you already gave me. I’m sending you a present too. It’s a gift from the heart, so you can’t return it.

  Love,

  Yours truly,

  Love,

  Bradley

  P.S. Her name is Ronnie.

  Bradley folded the letter and put it in the envelope. He wrote Carla’s name on the outside and addressed it to Willow Bend School.

  Ronnie gave Bartholomew a big hug and kiss.

  “Well, good-bye everybody,” she said.

  “Good-bye, Ronnie,” said everybody.

  “I’ll miss you,” said Bartholomew.

  Bradley placed the little red rabbit with the broken ear inside the envelope.

  He stared out his window for a moment, then looked back down at the bulge in the envelope. He frowned. But it was an unusual frown. In fact, it might have been a smile.

  Cursed!

  David is only trying to be cool when he helps some of the popular kids steal Old Lady Bayfield’s cane. But when the plan backfires, he’s the one the “old witch” curses. Now David can’t seem to do anything right. The cool kids taunt him, and his only friends are weirdos. He even walks into Spanish class with his fly unzipped! And when he finally gets up the nerve to ask out a cute girl, his pants fall down in midsentence. Is it the Bayfield curse at work? Or is David simply turning into a total loser?

  “Readers will empathize with David’s troubles and cheer his triumph in this delightful, funny book.”

  —Publishers Weekly

  “Plenty of wildly funny moments.”—Kirkus Reviews

  AVAILABLE NOW FROM DELL YEARLING BOOKS

  Winner of the Newbery Medal

  Stanley Yelnats is under a curse. A curse that began with his no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing great-great-grandfather and has since followed generations of Yelnatses. Now Stanley has been unjustly sent to a boys’ detention center, Camp Green Lake, where the boys build character by spending all day, every day, digging holes exactly five feet wide and five feet deep. There is no lake at Camp Green Lake. But there are an awful lot of holes.

  It doesn’t take long for Stanley to realize there’s more than character improvement going on at Camp Green Lake. The boys are digging holes because the warden is looking for something. But what could be buried under a dried-up lake? Stanley tries to dig up the truth in this inventive and darkly humorous tale of crime and punishment—and redemption.

  “A smart jigsaw puzzle of a novel.”—The New York Times Book Review

  “[A] rugged, engrossing adventure.”—School Library Journal

  “Larger-than-life.”—Publishers Weekly

  “Imaginative plotting and memorable characters make this novel a winner.”—Book Magazine

  AVAILABLE NOW FROM DELL YEARLING BOOKS

  Why did the guy eat two dead skunks for breakfast?

  Because live ones squeal when you stick the fork in.

  Gary W. Boone knows he was born to be a stand-up comedian. It’s the rest of the kids in his class who think he’s just a goon. Then the Floyd Hicks Junior High School Talent Show is announced, and Gary starts practicing his routine nonstop to get it just right. Gary’s sure this will be his big break—he’ll make everyone laugh and win the $100 prize. But when an outrageous surprise threatens to turn his debut into a disaster, it looks as if the biggest joke of all may be on Gary himself.

  “Readers will laugh at Gary’s good jokes and groan at his clunkers while they cheer his transformation from goon to legitimate comedian.”—Booklist

  “Strong, realistic characterization.”—Publishers Weekly

  An IRA-CBC Children’s Choice

  AVAILABLE NOW FROM DELL YEARLING BOOKS

  Louis Sachar writes great,

  funny books for everyone!