Suzy Spitfire Kills Everybody

by Joe Canzano

  As they reached the lift, the door was opening.

  “Wait!” Suzy said. But she didn’t have to say anything. Ricardo was down on one knee, aiming his weapon, and Suzy did the same. As the door slid open they started blasting. The three armored people inside were ready for a fight—but they never had a chance. It was like shooting fish in a barrel; it was like shooting dummies who’d taken an elevator to a gunfight.

  Maria sprang forward and grabbed a gun from one of the fallen troops, as well as a few extra energy clips. Suzy grabbed a door next to the lift. It opened to a ladder tube that ran between all decks, including down to the hangar below.

  “Let’s go!” she said.

  “No!” Ricardo shouted. “They’re on to us. We need a different plan.”

  “What are you talking about? The hangar is the only way out of here.”

  “Yeah—and they know that. We’re never going to shoot our way out of there.”

  Suzy hesitated. The alarm was ringing, people were coming, and everything Ricardo was saying made sense.

  Suzy held up her gun. “Sorry, but shooting is what I do best.”

  Ricardo grabbed her hand.

  “We’ll never get the hangar open, Suzy—not now. But maybe we can hide and then sneak off the ship some other way—quietly.”

  She yanked her hand away. Then she listened to the shrieking alarm and the sounds of shouts coming closer. Dammit! He might be right.

  “All right—this way!” Suzy said. She started running back down the passageway, past their cells.

  In her heart, she wanted to go into that hangar and start blasting. But her brain was screaming something about “the math,” and how she might be better off “living to fight another day”—or at least another few minutes.

  They turned a corner and almost collided with two people holding guns.

  “Crap!” Ricardo said.

  Suzy fired first and shot one in the chest. The other one fired and Ricardo ducked out of the way. The energy bullet splashed against the bulkhead behind him and ricocheted against two more. But then Maria shot the guy in the head.

  The woman who’d been hit in the chest was down but not done. Suzy’s stun bullet hadn’t penetrated her lightweight body armor, and she was aiming at Suzy.

  Maria shouted, “Look out!”

  Suzy leaped to the side. The bullet exploded over her shoulder just as Ricardo shot her in the face.

  “How many people are on this ship?” Ricardo said. “Maybe we can just shoot them all.”

  Suzy laughed. “You know, that might be our best option.” She did consider it—but no, the ship was too big, and the crew was spilling from every crack.

  “We need a place to hide,” Maria said.

  They were running again but they had no destination.

  “Yeah,” Suzy said. “But where?”

  “A cabin,” Ricardo said. “That would be our best bet.”

  Suzy didn’t think so. They reached a place where the passage ended in a bulkhead and they could go either left or right. There was a shout behind them and they leaped.

  Suzy jumped into the passage on the left while Maria and Ricardo went right. The hail of bullets blasted the bulkhead directly ahead. A whole squad was charging down the passage, blasting away.

  A heavy metal door came crashing down, sealing off the passageway on the right side.

  “Suzy!” Ricardo shouted.

  Suzy felt her pulse pounding. “Ricardo!” More bullets were still hitting the bulkhead.

  Suzy swore and ducked down low, peering around the corner. She started shooting.

  The squad was pressed against the walls, behind the many support beams—but these passageways were as bad for them as they were for her; they were narrow, and made of metal, and shots would bounce around like searing ping-pong balls. She saw two troopers go down but knew they were wearing body armor that had probably left them unharmed. They were firing back with flashing automatic rifles and there were just too many of them.

  She stared at the steel door that had separated her from her friends. Then she cursed and bolted down the passageway away from her pursuers.

  She came to another lift. No way would she do that, but she had to risk getting to another deck.

  She opened the door to the ladder tube, strapped the gun to her thigh, and grabbed the sides of the ladder in her two hands. Placing her feet on either side of the metal frame, she did her best to slide fast—down, down, down.

  She reached the hangar deck—and then went past it.

  She guessed they would be waiting there, ready to blast her. So how would she escape?

  This whole plan was stupid. Actually, it wasn’t even a plan—it was just a bunch of jumbled up impulses she’d decided to do, like she’d been doing every day of her life. Certainly, her father would have disapproved.

  She jumped out of the ladder tube and into a passageway. This one was grey rather than blue like the one above, and she wondered if they were color-coded. Maybe this was the deck for armed fugitives. She didn’t see or hear anyone so that was good. Then she saw an open door up ahead, and she crept forward and peered inside.

  There was a glowing eye-scan patch to the right of the door, signifying a secure area. The room was dark, and she slid inside—and saw a woman looking at her with wide eyes. Suzy shot her in the stomach. Then she did a quick sweep of the shadowy room. It was long and narrow with high shelves on either side; obviously, it was a storeroom that appeared to lead to another similar room. The shelves were stuffed with boxes, crates, and canisters. She noticed one of the canisters was marked with a fiery logo that indicated something flammable. This was great, but where was the snack food? She suddenly realized she hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday.

  She let out a deep breath. There was no one else in here, so she raced back to the entry door and slammed it shut. Then she dragged the stunned woman into a corner and out of sight. She noted the woman was breathing; she spotted a tarp on one of the shelves and threw it over her.

  She wondered about surveillance issues; many parts of the ship were monitored. She didn’t see any cameras down here but that didn’t mean they weren’t around. The probing electric eyes were everywhere, and it was only a matter of time until someone spotted her. What she needed was a disguise. She raced back to the crumpled woman on the floor and saw she was wearing a navy blue jumpsuit with no body armor. Not very sexy, but easy to get into—and she was about Suzy’s size.

  Suzy started stripping off her own clothes. Boots, shirt, skirt—and then she heard a noise. The door from the passageway was sliding open, and the black snout of a rifle was poking into the room. She also heard a few voices and some radio chatter.

  Damn! She hated getting into gunfights in her underwear. At least she was wearing a sports bra; she’d gotten it from the closet in the Heartbreaker. She looked around quick and had an idea.

  She sat down fast. She grabbed the body of the unconscious woman and pulled it on top of her, and then she pulled the tarp over both of them.

  She could tell the main lights in the room had been turned on. She envisioned the intruders pointing their guns, scanning the area. Would they notice this cadaver-shaped blanket in the corner? And were all of her clothes under the tarp? Not really. At least one boot was out there and maybe her skirt. She clenched her gun and listened and waited, and then she heard a voice:

  “You, under the tarp! Lay down your weapons and throw off the blanket. You can’t escape.”

  She recognized the voice as Blurr’s errand boy, Captain Banks.

  How dumb was this guy? There was no way she was going to “lay down her weapon” because why should she? Sure, those stun blasts hurt like hell—but they wouldn’t kill her. Didn’t they realize she had nothing to lose by making a move? She recalled Banks had seemed rigid, like a chunk of concrete. Maybe he was following some sort of stiff protocol. Luckily, she’d never suffered from that disease.

  She tried to recall the layout of the room. Where
would the shooters be standing? Speculation was useless. If there were more than three she’d never get them all.

  But there was that flammable canister. In her experience, nothing scattered people faster than a good explosion—and she was already on the floor, out of the way. Then again, fire and explosions were generally things to be avoided on a spaceship. She wasn’t a physicist but she knew the force of an explosion in a confined area was bad. All that energy needed somewhere to go or it would obliterate a lot more of the immediate area—and she was currently part of the immediate area.

  This is ridiculous, Suzy thought. When did I become such a thinker?

  She used her thumb to raise the power level of her pistol. Then she gave a loud shout and tossed off the tarp.

  A salvo of shots fired right at her—and every one hit the poor jumpsuit-wearing woman in the chest. Meanwhile, Suzy snaked her shooting hand around the woman’s body. She only got off one shot, but it was a good one. She hit that canister across the room.

  The explosion was deafening. Shelves came crashing down as shouts and screams filled the air. Pieces of the bulkheads and the ceiling came peeling off as the lights went out—and then a siren sounded, and a sprinkler system came on, and the room was deluged with water. Water was a premium resource on a spaceship, but for a variety of reasons it was still a damn good way to put out a fire.

  Suzy checked herself over. To her amazement, she was completely unscathed. She leaped to her feet and started scanning for targets. At the same time, she realized she was still only wearing her bra and panties—well, the rest of her clothing would just have to wait. Certainly, she was the sexiest dripping wet fugitive in the room.

  It looked like the whole attack crew had been buried underneath the debris—but they were groping around and getting up. The whole room was dark, soggy, and smoky, but she saw four people and they all looked alive. She checked her pistol—not much energy left in the clip, but still enough to shoot four people with low-powered stun bullets. The shots rang out in the dark.

  She tossed the gun and grabbed another one from one of the unconscious people. Now she had to get out of here.

  Damn! The entry door was sealed off behind a fallen metal shelf and a pile of junk. The door looked damaged as well, and Suzy guessed it was probably jammed shut. She needed to find another way out. An alarm was still shrieking. She tripped and stumbled while looking for her clothes but found them soon enough. She grabbed them in her arms and ran into the adjoining storage room.

  The lights were out in this room as well but nothing was wet. It was another long, narrow room—and there was a door at the other end. She ran to it and hit the switch but it didn’t open. She punched the button again and again—nothing. It was sealed shut. She hammered on it with her fist but it was no use. Motherfucker.

  She heard a sound and whirled around—and there was Captain Banks. With one quick move he swiped the gun from her hand. Then he slammed her up against the door with his elbow and knocked her to the floor.

  Everything was foggy, and she tasted blood in her mouth. She looked up and he was standing over her, aiming a gun at her face. He did not look happy. On a positive note, the alarm finally stopped screeching.

  Banks said, “Suzy Spitfire, you’re under arrest.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. If you move I’ll shoot you.”

  “And if I don’t move? Blurr will torture me to death, right?”

  Banks frowned. “No, he won’t. You’ll have your day in court.”

  Suzy laughed and wiped away a trickle of blood.

  He was studying her now. “Are you all right?” he said.

  She cocked her head and stared back at him. “I’m half naked, beat up, and probably about to die. Other than that things are great.”

  “Well, you can put on your clothes and then sit back down. But don’t do anything stupid. Don’t do anything reckless. Don’t try any kind of crazy stunt.”

  “Banks, you’re really limiting my options here. Thanks.”

  He took a step back. She got up and pulled on her skirt, shirt, and boots. She considered trying to distract him with her well regarded female body parts and then make a move—but she didn’t, because she could tell it wouldn’t work. Not with this guy. No, there was certainly a rule against that kind of thing. Boob-drooling and ass-ogling were strictly forbidden under regulation “T and A 001” or whatever.

  She glanced sideways and noticed he was looking at her, but not like that. He was eyeing all the bruises she still had from her struggle with Captain Orange. They’re not permanent, Captain, she thought. The worst scars are the kind you’ll never see.

  She sat down with her back to the door. “So, how did I miss you?” she said.

  “You didn’t. You shot the top of my helmet.”

  “Live and learn, I guess.”

  “You seem to think everything is funny.”

  “That’s not true, Banks. I don’t find you funny at all.”

  “It’s not my job to be funny.”

  “Yeah, but is it your job to walk around all day looking constipated?”

  Banks narrowed his eyes. “I only look that way when I’m around the wrong people.”

  “Really? Blurr murdered my father and killed my best friend. I guess you’re going to be a pretty grim-looking guy.”

  “Not true. Your friend was fleeing arrest and his death was unintentional. As for your father—I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know? Weren’t you standing in Blurr’s office when he talked about my father’s death? How did that sound to you? But I guess you were in on it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Right. And I suppose you’re not part of Blurr’s scheme to sell the AI to a foreign government and get rich. Yeah, that’s what he offered me when you left the room—a piece of that deal. I suppose you’re not in on that, either. ”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Banks said with a shake of his head. “I’m not ‘in’ on anything. And if he offered you that deal, why wouldn’t someone like you take it? You would have saved yourself all this trouble.”

  “Maybe you don’t know me.”

  Banks touched the link chip in his collar.

  “This is Captain Banks. We’re trapped in storage room nine. There are four people here who need medical attention. The main door is damaged and the secondary door seems to be sealed.”

  A voice responded, “There’s an electrical issue with the door. We’ll have it open in a few minutes.”

  “Good. I also have a prisoner—the wanted murderer, Suzy Spitfire. ”

  Suzy rolled her eyes. “That’s great, Banks. Feel free to use my name any time you think it helps.”

  Another message came through on the line: “We got the other two—shot them in the mess hall. They’ll live.”

  Suzy turned her head away from Banks and stared into the darkness. She felt like her heart was sinking into her stomach.

  Banks nodded his head. “All right. We’ll be here. Out.” Then he looked at Suzy and said, “Don’t look so sad. At least you managed to blow up a storeroom and almost kill a group of innocent people.”

  “I’ve never killed an innocent person. Can you say that?”

  Banks hesitated. “Yes,” he finally said.

  “But you had to think about it, right? People who hang around with guys like Blurr usually do.”

  “You don’t know me,” he snapped. “It’s my job to bring people to justice.”

  “Oh, yeah? Well, I’ll bet you didn’t know a lot of the people you ‘brought to justice.’ ”

  There was a noise, and the door behind her opened. She looked up and saw a gaggle of guns pointing her way. She sighed and got to her feet. Then Banks cuffed her hands behind her back and led her away.

  Chapter 28

  Captain Andre Banks kept his face blank as he watched Blurr sip a glass of ice water. Outside the observation lounge, a transparent stretch of wall showed a chilly view of di
stant stars.

  Meanwhile, Blurr was smiling like a piano, but what kind of tune would he be singing? Something happy yet dark, Banks thought. A piece of pumpkin pie being drenched by an oil slick—that was Blurr’s style.

  “So, my girl caused a lot of chaos,” Blurr said. “I should’ve known she would.”

  “Yeah. She’s a real character.”

  “That’s true. But did you learn anything useful?”

  Banks was quiet, staring into the void outside. “No, nothing,” he finally replied. “She didn’t say much.”

  “Too bad. Suzy has a big mouth, but she usually tells the truth.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Sure. Capturing her was a stroke of good luck I wasn’t counting on. Those idiots on the Heartbreaker should’ve gotten a medal. I mean right before we blew them to bits.”

  “Why did we destroy that ship? That was totally wrong.”

  “What are you talking about? Most of them got away. The rest were pirates, and Captain Orange was a rapist.”

  “But how can you say that, Blurr? You don’t have any proof.”

  “Didn’t you hear the radio messages? Suzy called him a rapist.”

  “And you believed her?”

  “Why not? I told you, she usually tells the truth. It’s one of her weaknesses.”

  Banks grunted. “Really? Well, she did have bruises all over her body.” Then he looked Blurr in the eye. “Suzy says you offered her a deal that involved selling the AI to a foreign government.”

  “Is that so? And you believed her?”

  “You just told me she tells the truth.”

  “I said she usually tells the truth. She also told me she doesn’t know where the brain is—and that’s a lie.”

  “So you didn’t offer her a deal?”

  “What if I did?” Blurr said with a grin. “It’s an interesting idea, isn’t it?”

  “Blurr! That’s a serious crime.”

  “Banks, I’m starting to think there’s no hope for you.”

  “Is that so? Do you know what you’re implying?”