Here and Now

by Constance O'Day-Flannery

  He turned his attention back to the attractive woman. “Not really.”

  “Not real talkative, are you?” Her smile was meant to charm.

  “I suppose not,” he answered. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” she asked, picking up her drink. “Am I from around here? God, yes. Trying to put together the cash to get myself out of Jersey.”

  “Where might you go?” He was mildly interested, and this woman’s presence at least took his mind off the situation a few miles away from here.

  “California. Definitely California. Maybe San Diego. No more rain and snow. You know the weather there is gorgeous and the people… well, they’re not from Jersey, so that’s a definite plus.”

  “You don’t like people from New Jersey?” he asked, taking another sip of his Guinness.

  She studied her drink, as she ran a painted red fingertip down the side of her glass. “Listen, Charlie… have you ever been in a place too long, where you know you’ve gotten everything you’re gonna get from it, but you just can’t get your act together long enough to get out?”

  “Yes, Jen, I have.”

  “Well, that’s where I am now. It’s not the people. Most of them are real nice, but I was born here, educated here, married and divorced here. I’m sitting in the neighborhood bar where I had my first legal drink. It’s like there’s nothing left here for me, yet I can’t get out.”

  “Why not just leave?”

  “Money. It’s always about money. Or the lack of it.”

  Money. He’d had enough talk about that lately. “How much would it take?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Well, first I’d have to get my car out of the shop. A new clutch isn’t cheap. Then, I’d need enough to get there, plus first and last month’s rent, with a security deposit to put down on an apartment. And then enough to keep everything going until I found a job.”

  “What kind of work do you do?” If he kept her talking maybe he wouldn’t think about another woman who was trying to move on with her life.

  “I process loan applications for a mortgage company. Not exactly exciting.”

  He nodded. “And you want excitement?”

  “Sure!” She laughed. “Who wouldn’t?”

  He didn’t. He’d had enough excitement in his life. Now he wanted peace. “What’s that?” he inquired, as someone asked in a loud voice when car-ee-oak something was going to start.

  Shaking her head, she looked at him with a quizzical expression. “Karaoke. You’ve got to have heard of it!”

  “No. Can’t say as I have. What is it?”

  “You’re kidding! Where you been hiding yourself, Charlie?” She laughed, as though her comment was meant to make him feel comfortable about his ignorance. “Well, these locals are gonna try to sing, along with a tape. See that big screen over there?”

  He nodded.

  “The words to the song appear on that screen, and then your ears are assaulted by those with dreams they can actually sing.” She sipped her drink. “Can you?”

  “Sing?” Shaking his head, he added, “Not a lick of musical talent, I’m afraid.”

  “Well, that’s the first thing you’ve told me about yourself.”

  He looked sideways to her and could see that she was smiling in a teasing way. “I’m not all that interesting.”

  “Now, there I differ with you. Tall, handsome, mysterious. I call that interesting.”

  He realized she was flirting with him. Immediately a vision of Suzanne appeared across his mind, and he quickly willed it away. He didn’t want to think about her. He simply had to get it in his head that soon he would leave her and Matty. No point in prolonging the inevitable. He turned in his chair to face the pretty young woman and smiled, glad she was sitting beside him.

  “I shall take that as a compliment, Jen McGee. May I buy you another drink?”

  Her eyes widened with even more interest and she pushed her glass toward the front of the bar. Still keeping eye contact with him, she called out to the bartender, “Another round for us both, Tommy. Charlie’s laying on the brogue pretty thick here. See, I told you he’d break my Irish heart.”

  Laughing, Charlie picked up his Guinness and finished it. It felt good to be himself again. Free. Free from women’s chores and babies spitting. Tonight there would be no diapers needing to be changed. No clothes needing to be washed. No blond-headed woman who’d look at him with those big blue eyes and try to make him into someone he wasn’t. He was a man. All man. Always was, always would be, and no amount of science was going to change that. Why, he’d just allowed himself to get soft. Even the callouses on his hands had disappeared, since he’d been domestic for six weeks!

  He picked up his fresh mug of Guinness as Jen picked up her drink. Raising his up in a toast, he smiled into her eyes and said, “Here’s to getting out of New Jersey.”

  Jen grinned and clinked her glass to his. “I’ll drink to that. To a new life!”

  “Yes,” he murmured. “A new life.”

  He drank half the glass to that one.

  It was the perfect toast.

  13

  “Charlie, are you sure you won’t come in? I could make you some coffee. We could sit around and talk… and just let the night take us where it will.”

  “Ah, Jennifer McGee, you are a temptress. But I’m a proper gentleman and I’ve delivered you to your door, as I should. Off with you now, lass!”

  Instead of getting out of the car, Jen raised her face and laughed at his words. Sighing deeply, she rested her head against the cushioned headrest and looked at him with those beckoning eyes. “You can stay the night, if you want. I mean, if you’re too tired to drive home, or anything.”

  He grinned, flattered by her interest. “Are all women so accommodating? Coffee and a place to rest my head?”

  “You know that isn’t what I meant. I like you, Charlie, but I’m guessing the car seat in the back means you’ve got commitments, huh?”

  He swung his head around to the back of the car and saw Matty’s baby seat. Maybe a little too fast, for his head began to swim a few seconds. Steadying himself, he said, “Aye, that. Why, that belongs to a friend of mine. This isn’t my automobile.”

  “Auto-mobile,” she repeated and giggled. “You sure do talk funny sometimes, and you’re so proper, but I’m glad that car seat isn’t yours,” she added, leaning closer to him and touching the arm of his shirt. As she ran her fingers lightly over the material, she sighed again. “C’mon, Charlie, let’s go inside and we can talk. I know almost nothing about you.”

  He looked down at her hand on his shirtsleeve. She wore several silver rings on her thin fingers and her nails were creating a reaction. He almost shivered. Young Jen had been flirting with him for over three hours now, and a man could only be so strong. “Lass, you’d best be taking yourself up that walk and into your home. The last thing you’d be wanting to know is anything about me.”

  “Oh, you’re wrong, Charlie,” she whispered, coming even closer, so that he could feel her breath on his cheek. “I want to know everything about you.”

  “And I am most assuredly flattered, Jennifer McGee,” he answered, trying not to look in her eyes. “But the truth of the matter is, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. It’s best for us both that we not go down that path.”

  “You know when you drink your accent is more pronounced?”

  “Aye, so I’ve been told,” he answered with a grin.

  “And Charlie?”

  “Hmm?” Lord, but would she stop looking at him with those soulful eyes.

  “I’d go down that path with you,” she breathed.

  He stared at her full lips and although a part of him wanted to kiss her, he suddenly found that he couldn’t. And that annoyed him to no end! Straightening his upper body, he clutched the steering wheel. “No, you don’t,” he muttered, staring out to the night and the parked automobiles.

  Jen also straightened. “You’re not even going to kiss
me?” she asked in a shocked voice.

  “No, lass, I’m not. ’Tisn’t my place.”

  “You are committed!” she accused.

  “I am not. There’d be no committing to the impossible.”

  “Who is she?”

  “She?”

  “The one who’s holding your heart, Charlie Garrity.”

  He sighed deeply and relaxed against the headrest. Closing his eyes, he murmured, “She’s a lovely woman, Jennifer McGee. Aye, truly a woman to be treasured.”

  “So why aren’t you with her now?”

  “Because,” he drew in a deep breath before continuing, “I stormed away from her earlier tonight.”

  “What did she do?”

  “She didn’t do anything. It was… well… I just couldn’t be around her another moment. I couldn’t breathe. I was fighting myself to keep away from her,” he said with an exhale. “So, I just had to get out.”

  “So,” she repeated, “this woman doesn’t know how you feel?”

  He opened his eyes and looked at her. “I could never tell her. She deserves more than me. I have nothing to offer.”

  Jen sighed, as though with annoyance. “Men. How the hell can you expect her to know if you don’t tell her? Tell her, Charlie. If you love her, she deserves to know!”

  “You don’t understand the whole of it. This is a woman of… of substance. In a few weeks, I’ll be nothing but a drifter. I’ve lost everything. It just isn’t meant to be—her and me.”

  “I’ll tell you what isn’t meant to be. If you don’t tell her, you’re making her choice for her and then you’re right. It will never be. But you aren’t even giving her a chance. Shit, I can’t believe I’m talking myself right out of this, but you’re one of the good guys, Charlie. Any woman would be crazy to let you go.”

  He listened to her words and found himself grinning. “I think you’re one of the good ones, too. ’Tis a shame you aren’t living your dream.”

  “Looks like neither one of us is. Instead, we’re sitting in someone else’s car, talking about not having the courage to get on with our lives. Could you stand it, Charlie, if you never tried with her? Are you willing to walk away and never know what might have been?”

  “That I don’t know, lass,” he whispered. “There’s more to it. She’s not yet divorced, and has been sorely used by those she trusted. I can’t and don’t want to take advantage of her situation.”

  “You don’t want to be the rebound guy.”

  “Rebound guy?”

  “Yeah, when someone is hurt and vulnerable and is looking to fill the void in their life they get involved with someone, instead of healing first. Believe me, I did it enough times until I realized that all I was doing was attracting losers, guys who were as damaged as I was. Now I don’t get into relationships. I’m willing to wait for the right one.”

  “You deserve the right one, Jen,” he said with a smile of friendship. “Thanks for understanding about tonight. It certainly seems to me you’re a very wise young woman.”

  “Hey, it’s taken me years to get this way,” she said with a laugh. “Okay, so I was coming on to you, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship, or anything serious. I’ve learned my lesson and I’ve yet to finish getting my own act together. But don’t think I wouldn’t have shown you a hell of a good time, Charlie.”

  He laughed. “You’re a true gem, Jennifer McGee.”

  “Oh, and there’s the blarney if I’ve ever heard it. Listen to me. Go to her, Charlie. Tell her. Don’t leave without giving it a chance. You know you’d always regret it.”

  He looked out the window again, thinking about Suzanne. “You may be right.”

  “Of course I’m right!” she answered with a chuckle. “I know women. And I’m starting to understand men.”

  He turned his attention back to her. “May I ask you a question, Jen? It may sound ridiculous to you.”

  “Go for it. Might as well impart some of my vast expertise,” she said with another laugh.

  “Well, what I’m wanting to know is this. Do you think men, males, have a part of them that’s female?”

  “Ahh, you talking bisexual here?” Her voice was cautious.

  “Bi-what?”

  “Bisexual. Uhmmm, are you attracted to guys too?”

  His body stiffened. “No. Certainly not. No, mat’s not what I’m saying.”

  She patted his arm. “Calm down, Charlie. It was just a question.”

  “Well, the answer is no. Just forget it,” he said, embarrassed for even bringing it up. “I was talking about something else.”

  “Okay.” There was a prolonged moment of silence, until Jen perked back up. “Oh, you’re asking about a man being in touch with his feminine side?”

  Relieved that she had heard of it, he breathed, “Yes. That. You think it’s true?”

  “Is that why you took her car and wound up at a bar? You had a fight about it?”

  “How did you know that?”

  Smiling, she answered, “I told you I’m almost an expert now.”

  “Well, yes. Partly about that. I mean, I read a book about it, but I don’t feel this female side in me and I can’t make myself do it.”

  “Who said you have to feel female? Who said you have to feel anything but who you are? All that means is that you aren’t afraid to express how you do feel, that you aren’t cut off from your emotions, even ones that are traditionally thought of as feminine. I know men are wired different than females, and I’m not expecting them to cry at the drop of a hat, but I won’t ever again get involved with a man who avoids his feelings, or is intimidated by mine. I’ve had enough macho men. I used to think they made me feel more secure, but I was just avoiding my own strength.”

  “She said that word. Macho.”

  Jen laughed. “Yeah, well it takes some time to figure out the difference between macho and manly. At least it did for me.” She turned in her seat to see him better. “See, Charlie, I want a partner, an equal partner. Not one in a position of strength and the other submission. There’s no superior sex in an equal partnership. You work together for the partnership. That’s what’s important. Not individual egos. Maybe that’s what she was trying to tell you.”

  “Where did you learn all this?” She certainly was a smart young woman.

  “Hey, I’ve watched Oprah. Seriously, I’ve read a lot and experienced enough drama in my life to now know what I want.”

  “Well, you deserve it. And I hope you find it.”

  “Thanks, Charlie. You deserve it too.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Now, go back and talk to her. She should know how you feel.”

  “Thank you, Jen. I’m glad you sat down next to me tonight.”

  “Hey, it was meant to be, bucko. Nice meeting you, too,” she said as she opened the car door. Closing it, she blew him a kiss and said, “Thanks for the ride home. Be happy, Charlie Garrity.”

  “You, as well, Jennifer McGee,” he called out. “You as well.” Now he felt sober enough to drive to the farm. Maybe Jen was right. Maybe their meeting and their discussion was meant to be. Aye, what did he know? Only that he couldn’t wait to get back and see Suzanne. If he’d learned only one thing tonight it was that he didn’t want just any woman.

  Heaven help him. He wanted Suzanne.

  “Where have you been ?”

  “Now, now, Suzie, no need to be gettin’ your dander up,” he said as he walked in the front door and dropped the keys onto the hall table. “A man sometimes needs some space to figure out life’s problems and—”

  “Don’t you ‘Suzie’ me!” she interrupted, the edges of her robe flapping as she marched up to him in a fine lather. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through tonight?”

  Now why was she shrieking like a harridan when he wanted to talk sweet to her? “I just stepped out for a pint, though it really wasn’t a pint. A tall glass of Guinness, it was. No harm done at all. Just some Guinness and good conversation. All’s fine.”


  She looked horrified. “You’ve been drinking!” she accused.

  He tried to smile, but she really did look like a harridan after all, with her curls sticking up in all directions. “I just said I was. Guinness.” What was wrong with her now?

  “This is unbelievable,” she continued to rant, as she waved her arms around her like she was about ready to take flight. “Here I am, at my wit’s end, ready to call nine-one-one to find out what’s wrong, and you… you’re in some bar drinking!”

  “Now calm down, lass, and tell me what’s happened,” he said in a soothing voice. He was about to give her a sweet smile, but was not prepared for her to curl her fingers into fists and place them firmly on her hips.

  “It was Matty.”

  “The lad?” He looked toward the stairs. If anything had happened to him, he’d never forgive—

  “Yes. The lad,” she mimicked. “He was screaming in pain and… and I had no idea how to help him. I didn’t have the car or I would have taken him to the emergency room at the hospital. So I called instead.”

  “Suzanne, is the child all right?” He couldn’t stand the suspense while she told him every detail.

  “Well, he is now, thank heavens. When the nurse asked if I was nursing him, she then asked what I had eaten for dinner. I didn’t know pizza would cause such gas for him. I’m telling you he was in excruciating pain. I couldn’t calm him and I can’t nurse him until tomorrow. He finally passed the gas and then fell asleep from exhaustion. I just put him down.”

  “Suzanne, it was gas. He’s all right. There’s no need for this excitement now.” She was such a conscientious mother. He smiled at her and added, “The crisis has passed.”

  “Oh, then, on top of everything, I’m worried about you!” Shaking her head, as if she didn’t even hear his last words, she gathered the edges of her robe and tied the belt tightly. “How dare you storm out of here with no explanation and then come home drunk and—”

  “I am not drunk,” he interrupted, straining not to lose his good mood.

  “You are so. You’re slurring your words and pouring on the Irish accent, like that’s supposed to charm me or something.”