Daze of Reality

by Molly Barrett

  John punched the bag again as sweat poured from his brow. He was angry, about a lot of things, but he was scared too. He was scared for his family, and he was scared about what was happening to it. He hated feeling so damned helpless and having to trust that other people actually gave a shit about what happened to him and his family. He wished that he knew more about Derek’s organization, other than Derek claiming that they hated the feds too. Sure Devin had helped John several times, and Devin had led John to Derek, but who were Devin and Derek taking orders from?

  “Someone piss you off? I sure hope it wasn’t me.”

  John glanced up to see Kayla decked out in um, workout attire. He pretended not to notice her outfit the same way everyone else was, but wasn’t quite sure if he had been successful.

  “How’s the arm?” He asked her attempting to distract himself from simply lazily latching on to that, well intriguing view now standing in front of him.

  “Oh, it’s fine, hun. Feel like sparring?” Kayla replied with a smile.

  “Heh.”

  “What? You don’t hit women?”

  “Not most,” John returned with a slight grin.

  “Well, I just thought you might want some payback since I knocked you on your ass the other day, hmm?”

  “No, really I’ll pass.”

  “Rain check it is,” whispered Kayla, “I like this gym. Your guys recommended it.”

  “I can’t imagine why,” John mumbled under his breath as he took off his gloves for a water break.

  “Hey John, you want to spar today? I’ll go easy on you,” Craig yelled out from the corner. “Well, hello Agent Brown. I didn’t see you standing there.”

  “Well, hello Detective Wilson. I would have to say I would enjoy viewing a good match. Please John do go right ahead; don’t let me keep you.”

  “No that’s alright, not today,” John responded.

  “You leaving already man? You’ve only been here like an hour,”Craig joked at John while smiling at Kayla.

  “Dammit, I said not today!” John yelled loud enough to gather some attention.

  Kayla moved slightly in between John and Craig. “It’s alright John, if you don’t want to spar today, then it’s okay,” she spoke softly, cautiously watching his eyes. She watched as John stared Craig down.

  “Maybe he is just looking for a more formidable opponent.”

  John’s eyes didn’t need to move passed Craig’s to recognize that voice. “Didn’t tell me you brought a friend,” John whispered lightly to Kayla.

  “I didn’t,” she mouthed apprehensively, rolling her eyes at Dodd’s sudden presence.

  “Come now Goldman, you know a good ass kicking is always a morale booster. Let me take care of that for you,” Dodd grimly boasted.

  “Well, you should probably know a lot about that, about getting your ass kicked I mean. I’m sure it happens all the time,” Craig chimed in wittily toward the gorilla-sized muscle-man.

  “What I think my friend was trying to say was, fuck off,” John so eloquently replied to his nemesis.

  “Backing down, are we? I always figured your balls would take true form when given a chance.” Dodd’s banter proved easily enough initiative to fuel John’s anger to the breaking point as John drew first blood with a spinning back fist that quickly withdrew Dodd’s casual complacency. Dodd backed across the mat area, now sternly waving John towards him. John knew that there was a crowd around them now; he could feel it, but he didn’t care. He just focused everything on Dodd.

  “You want some more, Bitch?” John called out.

  “We’ll see who’s the bitch.”

  Dodd blocked John’s next attack and drove him hard into the mat. The strength of the man was undeniable, and John was sure that Dodd had taken home a blue ribbon in ground n’ pound school after being elbowed the third time. Luckily, John was able to transition his body to better protect himself. Freeing an arm, he swung it wildly striking Dodd in the eye.

  “Cheap shot,” Dodd cursed as John escaped his hold and stood once more. Dodd rose quickly only to fall back to the mat after greeting John’s flying knee kick. John jumped the chance to shut Dodd up, but unfortunately, even after three more direct punches to the face, Dodd was able to muscle his way back up from the floor.

  “Dammit,” John mumbled to himself. Dodd not only got up but he kept coming and seemed a little more pissed now that his nose might be broken. As each new strike came at John, he looked for his own openings, but it wasn’t easy. Dodd could probably knock a lot of people out with only one punch, and John was starting to lose count of how many he had taken on. Right when John seemed to be getting the upper hand, okay maybe just a little, he could have sworn that he heard a damn bell.

  “Alright you son of a bitches, that’s enough. If you’re in my gym, then it’s my damn rules. You know that, John. If you’re going to spar its gloves and helmets on in the ring or the octagon; not on my damn mats! If you’re going to fight then you got to be signed up and approved for fight nights. You and your friend out of here now or ill kick both your asses,” Liam, the gym owner yelled out after ringing one of the bells repetitively.

  John held his watch on Dodd, who nodded slightly to Liam before exiting out the back entryway of the gym. John glanced at Liam as well and just shook his head. It was then that John looked up and realized what a big crowd he had gathered, some of the faces looked familiar, some not. As soon as he made eye contact with most faces they turned and left. There were a few that stayed with him and spoke.

  “Damn man. That was some heavy shit. I’m glad you turned me down,” Craig joked as he looked over his friend worriedly. “You alright?”

  “Yeah, I’m alright, I’m just…”

  “Liam’s fucking pissed at you man,” Craig laughed.

  “I don’t give a shit; it’s not the first time he’s thrown me out,” John came back.

  “Well, one of these days he’s not going to let you back in. You better get going,” Tara said before leaving.

  “Sorry man. She’s a chick; what can I say?” Craig replied.

  John rolled his eyes at his friend’s poor attempt at sticking up for Tara’s negativity.

  “She’s only worried about you, as am I John,” Kayla chimed in.

  “Oh no you don’t. You show up here with your boyfriend and he jumps me. Stay the hell away from me.”

  “What are you talking about John? Dodd didn’t come here with me. I didn’t even know that he was here.”

  “Likely story. Look I have better things to do than to talk to you; that is until tomorrow when it’s mandatory.” Kayla watched as John disappeared down the opposite hallway slamming the door closed on his way out.

  “Dammit,” she mumbled to herself as she quickly headed for the door John had so eloquently exited. Kayla caught John just as he was closing the backdoor of his truck. “John wait.”

  “Kayla, I’m not in the mood to deal with your bullshit.”

  “My what? My bullshit. What the hell is that supposed to mean, John? Why are you so angry at me? I did not sick Dodd on you John. From what I recall you threw the first punch anyway.”

  “Ahh, bullshit. He knew he’d draw me in.”

  “And what do you think your wife will think of this?”

  “Is it that bad?” John questioned with panic now entering his mind a bit.

  He watched as Kayla studied him. “Do you ever look before you leap, John?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “I think you need help, John.”

  “I don’t need help. I don’t need your damn help!”

  “A doctor, John. I think you need to see a doctor; your face is bleeding and swelling some as well now.”

  “I-I don’t need a doctor. I’m fine. Just a little sparring; I do it all the time.”

  “John that was more than sparring.”

  “Agent Brown, good night”

  “John, please”

  “Look, you said the other day that you needed me to trust
you. You haven’t told me why I should do that yet; so I don’t have anything to talk to you about. I’ll see you Monday, Agent Brown,” John said as he started his truck, closed the front door, and took off.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The next morning John had really dreaded going into work. He was a little sore but that wasn’t why he hadn’t wanted to go in. He just didn’t want to have to spend the awkward time with Kayla, yet here he found himself again however, alone in her company.

  “John, about yesterday, I’m sorry if you really think that I had anything to do with Dodd showing up.”

  “No, it’s, I don’t guess you did, directly anyway.”

  “I would never try to hurt you, John.”

  “Yeah, good to know, good to know.”

  “Seriously.”

  “Okay, why did you want to bring me out here?” John asked as he leaned on the wheel pointing out the window of his truck. Kayla had led them back to the warehouse scene, and John wondered what drove her motives to this destination.

  “You know John; I do this job because I want to protect the citizenry. I think that we have that goal in common. For instance we both can see the benefits of closing these borders of ours. By substantially intensifying our security measures at the borders we are keeping our people safer from the dangers on the other side as they will not be spilling over in to our territory. I think that you agree with that.”

  “To a point. I don’t think that all of our neighbors are bad people; the problem is too many bad people abuse the holes in our border security. Unfortunately that does cause a lot of crap to go down that we don’t need around here. We have enough crime problems inside the border, without so called spillage that is. A long time ago people were allowed to come into our country through legal channels, now that you government types have run those good, honest people off by ending legal entry who do you expect to show up mostly. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I think because us citizens you say you care about so deeply don’t even get to vote on many things these days. You’ve taken a whole hell of a lot of those privileges away.”

  “Wow, I didn’t know you held so much resentment, Lieutenant.”

  “I don’t like people trying to control me.”

  “Is that what you think I’m trying to do, John? Control you?”

  For a brief moment John felt very uncomfortable as Kayla stared into his eyes, a little too close for comfort. Damn there was that word, her word, uncomfortable. She must have sensed his uneasiness, because she quickly changed the subject.

  “You know John, there is a vote coming up soon on all of this border debate.”

  John slowly eased his gaze back out the window as raindrops began to fall to a steady pace upon his windshield, and thunder rang out around them. What was it about this place and the damn weather?

  “The congress will be voting on a total closure next month,” Kayla continued as John stared out at the weather.

  “Yeah, the good old Iron Curtain debate, I do watch the news you know, Kayla. Pretty much wrapped up it looks like. Just a few senators still debating but you know they’ll give in to the pressure. They’d be ostracized if they stopped the monumental government power grab.”

  “I tend to agree with that perception. Those of your mindset seemed to have made their way out of political office, John.”

  “More like they were forced out, the commies came in and then ended the damn term limits.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Whatever. So the point of you bringing me here was what again?”

  “John.”

  “Alright, more security might be a good idea. We’ll just see what happens.”

  “Thank you. We do have more in common than you perceive, John.”

  “Although for different reasons.”

  “Perhaps there are FDC members that do their jobs for different reasons.”

  John turned to Kayla as she spoke these words. Her glare was visibly different, a more serious tone. John had to wonder how much he should read into her expression, but before he could inquire further, he got a call that would put everything on hold.

  “I’m sure you understand that bringing you in at this point is merely, procedural Lieutenant. You have worked with Detective Brooks several times and most recently as we all know, on the District 4 serial murder cases. It was made known to you that Detective Brooks reported his concerns for your lack of cooperation with our federal statutes. Have you had any correspondence with the now missing Detective Brooks since that time?” Stroud spoke firmly, as if prosecuting his case.

  John stared across to the wall, clinging to the image of the black and white’s Derek had thrown his way, now his leverage for sure if they truly tried to pin something this elaborate on him. Maybe Derek was good for something after all. Right now John wasn’t sure where Stroud was going to go with this for sure. Yeah, they could kill off Mr. Brooks and try to pin it on John or maybe this was just the next threat to keep him at bay.

  “John, I believe the gentleman asked you a question,” Ryst interrupted John’s thoughts.

  “No, I haven’t seen or talked to any of those guys from next door. When did he go missing?”

  “I’m pondering the scenarios here, John; I’ll make the inquires,” Stroud sharply returned. “Captain Ryst, can you give us a moment please.”

  “Of, of course. I’ll be in my office,” Ryst coward down and away once more.

  How convenient. Now he could express his true feelings on the matter. As the door closed softly, John decided to make his own inquiry.

  “A better question might be, when is the last time that you saw Detective Brooks, Agent Stroud?”

  The words seemed to hang in the air, as Stroud appeared to keep his calculated demeanor, though through a hint of momentary strain. “And what might possibly cause you to arrive at such a mindset Mr. Goldman?”

  “Well, I don’t know, possibly the fact that we both know that I don’t have anything to do with him disappearing. Yet, here you are sniffing around threatening to screw me over again. That must mean that you want or need something from me or you are going to pin your dirty work on me. Am I getting warm, Agent Stroud?”

  “My, my, those are startling accusations. Once again I find you functioning in your delusional state, a habit of yours it seems. I am genuinely concerned for your safety and well-being, John. What I would like to bring to the table is an offer of a different kind Mr. Goldman, your future security in exchange for your informant laid out on a golden platter for me. I understand your vast intelligence and your creative use of your aggressive delinquencies have no doubt solved countless mysteries for your fine department, however there have been discrepancies shall we say a time or two as to what information you could have gained on your own. This could lead one to only a singular conclusion Mr. Goldman. Your, interference has become quite a nuisance over the years, and it only seems fair that we level the playing field by taking this, person, out of the picture. It would be best for everyone involved.”

  “Damn, so I finally get a confession, after all this time. So let me get this straight, I was interfering in your shit so you tried to kill my kid. Why not just try to off me, be a man about it? Oh wait, then you wouldn’t get to meet my invisible friend, sounds like your being delusional now.”

  “As I have stated previously Lieutenant, I am saddened by your father’s actions. I do suppose though by meeting your father I can better comprehend your shortcomings. It must have been a grand childhood.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “I’m afraid you’re the one who’s fucked up John. At least you have the perfect father now. Oh wait, or is he. Perhaps that’s for another conversation, at another time.”

  “Leave him out of this.”

  “But of course. Times are changing Mr. Goldman; you can change with us or stand alone. All I need is a name. There’s no need to rock the boat anymore; let the weight lift off your shoulders. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.” With that, Agent Stroud s
tood staring smugly at John and turned exiting the door.

  Well, this was it, he surmised. Derek had said there was some reason that the feds were keeping him around. They were afraid, afraid of whoever was helping him, and the impact, the power that could give John over them. They must have figured out that he shouldn’t have known something that Devin had told him, but they didn’t know it was Devin. Maybe he wasn’t killed for helping John; he couldn’t have been.

  Well hell if John thought that he could actually turn Derek over to Stroud in exchange for the safety of everyone significant in his life, he would do it in a heartbeat. There were however two flaws in that simplistic solution. First of all, even if he did feed Derek to the proverbial lions, he would be foolishly naïve to think that that would ensure his security much less the protection of those around him. The feds would then dispose of him if he had no more leverage against them. Then there was a second obstacle; Derek was not a lone informant. He wasn’t sure how big Derek’s organization was but after being taken prisoner in that large of a facility with dozens of guards, John was pretty damn sure that they wouldn’t have any trouble punishing him and his family for handing Derek over. The only thing he could do really was keep pleading ignorance on the topic.

  John had forcefully redirected guilt in Stroud’s direction more than once now as Derek had suggested. He was glad however that he hadn’t gone and poked around in District 4 like Derek had first suggested as well. Then they might have had more of a motive on John for Brooks missing. Then again, maybe he could have gotten Brooks to talk had he gone. Oh well he’d never know now. John just really hadn’t had the chance to go even if he’d wanted to. Derek had somewhat changed his mind and told John to lay low a bit on the cases after the damn feds infiltrated the department. He said they needed to look into this, themselves, further. Still, why had he been so adamant about John going to District 4 before? Was the feds infiltration scaring Derek’s people? Would Derek know anything about Brooks’ disappearance? John needed to find out about these things. Also, should he tell Derek that the feds were suspicious about an “informant” of some kind? Probably, enemy of my enemy as Derek had said. This next meet, John was going to know more about Derek’s organization, one way or the other. It was of upmost importance that he find out more about this supposed ally of his.