What's Real

by Daaimah S. Poole

  “I just wanted to know.”

  “My mom told me since I was younger that she was going to whoop me good if I brought a white girl home.”

  “Really?”

  “She is not prejudiced. She just said that a white woman couldn’t understand me like a black woman.”

  “Yeah, I mean I feel like love who you love.

  “But Carl love him some white girls. I never even saw him with a tanned white girl.”

  “That’s ’cause he so black,” I said.

  “You wrong.”

  As soon as Damon went out the door I got on the phone and called Kelly. I told her everything that had transpired.

  “Do you believe this bitch in the market?”

  “Girl, get used to it. It is only the beginning, and no offense, but Damon is not the star player. Imagine if he was Ricky Williams before he retired. Or Bobby Akano. You know how many groupies a day Dana has to beat with a broomstick to keep them away? She is going through hell with all those damn groupies. And sometimes he talks to them. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves her.”

  “You think so?”

  “Of course. Basically most groupies think they are some kind of way going to turn into a wife, but usually all they do is get fucked and some money on the nightstand. Every wife or girlfriend is a groupie, just a groupie that the man decided to take personal. I never considered myself a groupie. I didn’t wait outside hotels, but I did place myself in the right locations at the right time. I used to go to all the parties in every city. I used to date this ballplayer before I met Carl. His name was Faheem Staton.”

  “I heard of him.”

  “Well, when I met him he was sitting on the bench for the Hornets when they were in Charlotte. He was tall and really good-looking, but he didn’t have any self-confidence. Which is cool, see; only a naive rookie goes after the star player on a team. Anybody knows that the star attracts too much attention, and I’m trying to shine. I can’t deal with a man that thinks he is cuter than me. So I always try to find a guy that is not sure of himself. Faheem’s pride was a little shot because he wasn’t getting any money and wasn’t getting any time. I pumped his heart up. Started making him think he was the man. He had more confidence, started making more shots and got more time. Now he is one of the best players in the league. It looks good on my behalf ’cause he felt like I was in his corner and was there for him before his name was in the papers, and reporters wanted to talk to him. We broke up because his head got too big and he wanted to date this girl in this singing group. I left him and moved down here.

  “You know a lot of women never become a fiancée or wife. They usually get to hang out in the house for a month, at the most. Then they get kicked out.”

  “When I met Damon I didn’t even know he played football.”

  “That’s good. Damon knows you don’t want him for anything. Damon is not like a lot of these guys. Most of them got two homes, one for the family and the other for friends, drugs, and girls. Carl is different and so is Damon. You have nothing to worry about.”

  Damon came in while I was still on the phone with Kelly. He didn’t hardly say anything to me. He went straight to the room and went to sleep. I don’t know what I did to him. He had an attitude about something. The next morning he made me breakfast in bed. His behavior was so strange. One day nice, one day mean. One day sweet, one day sour as a tart.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Tanya

  Deja ran into my room, woke me up, and said, “Mommy, can you take me to Brittany’s tea party?”

  “When is it?”

  “Saturday morning.”

  “Sure,” I said. I told Deja whatever she wanted to hear so she could let me sleep. I was so damn tired; me and Monica was out all last night.

  Me and Monica had gone to this round-the-way bar in Germantown. I needed some new friends. Talk about salty. As soon as we entered I saw this dude I used to fuck with named Ty. He was smiling all up in Monica’s face. I wondered if he remembered who I was. I tried to turn around so he wouldn’t see me and be like “don’t I know you?” Then I would have to go into how we knew each other. I wasn’t going to walk up to him and say, “Hey, what’s up? Remember when you fucked me and your girlfriend tried to bust down the door at the hotel? And you didn’t call anymore. You gave me cab fare home?” I told Monica not to talk to him, but she decided to anyway.

  “He looks all right. He just jumped out of a Benz.”

  “He’s from West Oak Lane. Don’t talk to him, he’s broke. Trust me. I know him. Plus, he’s drama.”

  He did recognize me. He turned from Monica and said, “Hey, girl, small world.”

  “What’s up, Ty? I see you still about them dollars. Yeah, you got that hot shit on. You stay in that hot shit.”

  “You still charging niggas?” he asked.

  “Yup, but I protect mine.”

  “Yeah, you got to, shit is dangerous. It’s a lot of hot shit out here now.”

  I was so glad when he left.

  “What was that all about?” Monica asked.

  “Some guy I used to deal with for a quick minute.”

  Right after that guy walked away, I ran into this dude named Do; he was Barry’s friend. He used to look out for me and my kids after Barry died. Then he got locked up and I didn’t see him. I didn’t even know he was out. I walked over to him and said, “What’s up, Do?”

  “What’s up, girl? How you been? You know I just came home. How my godkids doing?”

  “You haven’t seen your godkids since they was like, I don’t even know, like three years.”

  “How old are they now?”

  “Seven and nine.”

  “Really? Well, give them this. Tell them it’s from Uncle Do,” he said as he gave me two hundred dollars. I put my number in his cell phone and tucked the money in my pocketbook.

  “Yo, who’s that?” Monica asked as she eyed a guy across the bar.

  “That’s Rell from back Brickyard. He used to get money with Barry. He’s with Do.”

  Monica went over to him and introduced herself. I followed. She was talking to him when some girl with this little ponytail that needed another pack of hair came over to him and said, “What’s up, Rell? Why you ain’t call me? You in here talking to anybody?”

  Monica said, “I know that bitch ain’t talking about me. I will bust her in the head with a bottle.”

  The girl heard her and said, “Imagine that.”

  Rell told the girl to chill and he would holler at her later. They talked for a while and then Monica said she was going to hang out with Rell. She dropped me off.

  Saturday morning came. Deja had her pink Easter dress on.

  “Mom, are you ready to go the tea party?”

  “Huh?” I asked.

  “Remember, Mom? You promised to take me to the party.”

  “Okay, I’ll take you to the party. Just let me go back to sleep for about an hour.” I went back to sleep for exactly an hour.

  “Mom, it’s twelve-thirty. The party starts at one.”

  “Okay, I’ll get up. Why do y’all have that dress on from Easter?” I asked.

  “Mom, that’s what you wear to a tea party.”

  I got up and took a quick shower and brushed my teeth. I put my hair in a bun. Deja gave me the invitation. The party wasn’t far from our house. I called the number on the invitation to find out what she was supposed to wear. Deja’s friend answered and said, “We all are dressed up.”

  We got halfway to the party when Deja announced that she had to go to the bathroom. After we took care of that problem she said, “Mommy, we have to bring Brittany a gift. Do you have any money? Can we pick her up a gift? I want to get her a Bratz doll.”

  I just wanted to put some money in a card and call it a day.

  “Deja, we’ll get her a Bratz doll later. She will like it if you give her a twenty-dollar bill.”

  “Mom, she said she wanted a Bratz doll.”

  “Next time
, Deja.”

  We stopped at the pharmacy and got a card. I let Deja sign it and we walked to the party. The house was comfortable.

  “Hi, welcome to my home,” a gray-haired woman said.

  The tea party was like a little girl’s ball. I felt bad, my daughter looked crazy. She did her own hair and the other girls were pressed and curled and they looked sweet. All the other little girls had their hair in Shirley Temple curls and ponytails.

  “Are you Brittany’s grandmother?”

  “I’m her mother,” she said, embarrassed. She was about forty-five with her soft gray hair cut short.

  “I’m so sorry. I apologize, I just thought—”

  “No, that’s okay. I thought you were Deja’s sister. Your daughter is such a sweet girl.”

  All the parents were making small talk. I tried to join in, but their conversations were not interesting. This one lady sounded like she had something stuck in her throat. Her voice just seemed fake. She was really Afrocentric and stuffy. She looked at me like you have your hair curled and I have natural dreds; therefore, I’m a better person than you. She asked the other lady, “Where did your do your undergrad at?” That hoity-toity bourgie party was making me sick. Brittany’s dad walked around the party taking pictures. As soon as he said one word to me, her mom came over and asked him to do something. I didn’t want her man.

  The little girls poured tea and apple juice. There were these little cutesy sandwiches cut in triangles and circles. It was cucumber dip and just a bunch of other weird food. The children didn’t eat anything.

  Deja was hungry after the party, so I took her to get pizza. I still felt tired from going out last night. On the walk home from the pizza place Deja said, “Brittany’s daddy came to her party. Mom, when is my dad coming back? Can he come back for my birthday? I really want all my friends to meet him. Is my dad going to be at my party?”

  “Your daddy can’t come to your party,” I said.

  “Why, Mommy?”

  “Because your daddy is in a better place. He died.”

  “So he’s never coming back?”

  “No, never, baby.”

  When we got home my phone rang and it was Monica.

  “Tanya, why didn’t you tell me that bawh was crazy and broke?”

  “What bawh?”

  “Rell.”

  “I didn’t know he was. Why, what he do?” I said as I began to laugh.

  “I went home with him last night. He got this raggedy-ass car. Yo, I thought you said he is getting money.”

  “I said he used to get money with Barry. That was years ago.”

  “Well, he ain’t getting no money anymore, that’s for sure. He was acting strange. He was like, so what’s up, pretty? I’m like, nothing’s up. Then he just got on the floor and start smiling at me while he did push-ups and sit-ups.”

  “He was working out?”

  “Yes, three in the morning drunk all high and shit. Girl, that nigga is crazy! We didn’t do anything. He didn’t even try to touch me and I’m glad.”

  “Well, that’ll teach you. Stop going home with everybody you meet.”

  “But I didn’t get to the good part yet. When I woke up I was like I’m ready to leave, I see this motherfucker was in the bathroom smoking the motherfucking pipe,” she said.

  “You are lying.”

  “No I’m not. Thanks for looking out, Tanya,” she said sarcastically.

  “You’re welcome,” I said, still laughing at Monica’s dumb ass as I closed my cell phone.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Natalie

  I started going to the aerobics class three times a week. Gina put me on a low-carb, no-sugar diet. I could only have water, diet soda, fruit, lean meat, and no starches at all. It was kind of hard because I love bread and any kind of rice or pasta. I was committed though, I was going to lose this weight. And so far, I am doing okay. I bought a digital scale so I could see exactly how much I weighed. I was at one hundred and eighty pounds even. I wanted to see how much weight I was losing down to the half pound.

  I got on the scale today. I had lost five pounds. I couldn’t believe it; something was finally working for me. As happy as I was about losing weight, I still missed Anthony so much, and that made me so very sad. I came to the conclusion that I can’t live without Anthony. Yes, he has some bad qualities, but then again he has a lot of good ones. He is a good provider, he has a job with benefits. He married me. He didn’t make me his “baby’s mom.” We were married before I was even pregnant. He did buy me a car. He loves me. That’s why he doesn’t want me out. I understand that now. I called him and told him he was right. I wasn’t supposed to be running the streets. I had a family. I had a good husband and child. Natalie and Tanya were searching for what I already had. Tanya wouldn’t put me before her man if she had one. And look at Janelle. As soon as she got somebody interested in her, she left me easily. I got enough heart to call him again.

  “Hello,” he said.

  “Anthony, I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner.”

  “For what, Natalie? I can’t play games with you anymore. You know what I need in my wife. I need her to listen and obey. If you are not prepared to do that, then I don’t think we should talk. I don’t want to even start the deception again. I can’t make you a good woman. That’s something you have to be already inside.”

  “I am a good woman, Anthony, and I want to be your wife. I don’t want to get a divorce. So can you please come over and talk?”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” he said.

  “Okay, try,” I said as I hung up the phone. He didn’t say no, so that was good. That meant he was on his way.

  Anthony arrived about an hour later. He came in and I tried to hug him. He said that it didn’t feel right and for me to stop. He was so damn stubborn. He had a seat on the sofa. I offered him something to drink. He said he wasn’t thirsty and asked me where the baby was. I told him the baby was taking a nap.

  Anthony and I talked for about an hour. I cried, he cried, and when it was all said and done, he said he would try to make it work with me. We ate dinner and played with the baby. I made his bottle, bathed him and put him to sleep. By the time I came back down the steps, Anthony was sitting on the sofa flicking through the cable stations. I sat next to him and touched his hands. I gave him a hug and he hugged me back.

  “I love you and I love our family. I am going to make it work,” he said as he squeezed me tighter. I missed his touch and warmth. I even missed his smell. I was so happy to have him home in my arms. It was such a relief. My husband began to make love to me like he missed me. He laid me across the sofa and took my shirt off and unhooked my bra. He caressed my breasts with his hands as he entered me.

  “Is the pussy still mine or did anybody else have it, Natalie?” he asked as he stroked in and out of my vagina.

  “No, baby, it’s still yours,” I said as I exhaled.

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “You love me?” he asked as he momentarily stopped making love to me.

  “Yes, Anthony. I love you.”

  “No more lies, okay?”

  “No more lies,” I said as he continued to satisfy me.

  The next morning we went to IHOP for breakfast. Baby Anthony was so happy. It was like he missed his daddy too.

  “What are you going to order?” I asked Anthony. He said he didn’t know yet. The waitress asked if we were ready to order. I said yes and ordered an omelet and Anthony had French toast and sausage.

  While we waited for our food to arrive, Anthony played with the baby. He was making him laugh. He looked at the baby and said, “Daddy’s back. Yup, big guy, Daddy’s back until Mommy messes up again.” I knew what he was referring to, but I ignored him.

  The first week of Anthony being home was so blissfully sweet. He was treating me good, like he actually didn’t want to lose me ever again. Anthony did the dishes and helped me cook. I didn’t hav
e to tell him to take a shower after work. He didn’t leave clothes on the floor. He even gave me a massage, and greased and scratched my scalp. It felt good. It felt perfect, like I was where I was supposed to be. I think Janelle was right when she said sometimes people just need to clear their head.

  We went to get the rest of his belongings from Ms. Renee. Because Anthony was so happy, so was Ms. Renee. She spoke to me and to the baby. She acted as if she hadn’t seen baby Anthony in years. There’s something really wrong with this lady. Really. She was going to talk about some grandmom got some goodies for her grandson and asked us if we wanted to stay for dinner. I just looked at that bitch. The last time we were here she said she wanted a blood test on my child.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Janelle

  I called Natalie. We hadn’t talked in a while. I got her answering machine and I left her a message. “Hey, Nat, this is Janelle. Call me when you get in. I hope everything is going okay.” I called Natalie’s mom, Aunt Sharon.

  “Hi, Aunt Sharon.”

  “Janelle, how is it going in Miami?”

  “It’s okay.”

  “What do you mean it’s okay? Girl, you got that little shape. I would be on the beach getting some sun every day. Let your aunt Sharon come down there. You won’t be able to find me.”

  “You can come down whenever you want.”

  “Don’t tell me that. I’ll be down there. I don’t know where Natalie is. She is running after that fool of a husband of hers.”

  “They got back together?”

  “I think so.”

  “Well, I guess that’s good.”

  “Janelle, I don’t know. I just want my daughter to be happy and I think he takes her through so much.” She sighed.

  “Well, tell her I’m trying to get in touch with her.”

  “I will.”

  I love Miami. There are so many celebrities and stars, I mean big movies stars. I saw where Oprah Winfrey lives today. Some people are so fortunate. It really costs a fortune to live here. I guess right now I am fortunate too. I saw how much Damon is paying for this place. Whew! You don’t even want to know. Four thousand a month. I am never going home. Never, ever. Who wants to go back to cold weather? Everybody is going to be buying fall clothes, boots, and winter coats. I’m going to be sipping on my margarita on the beach.