What's Real

by Daaimah S. Poole

  I looked over at Troy. He had been shot in the arm and leg, and he looked like he was about to pass out. His mouth was open and he was moaning. One of the bullets hit me in the leg. It was like a hot piece of metal tearing through my skin. I fell and I dropped the baby. Anthony came over to me and reloaded his gun. He put each bullet in slowly and said, “I loved you, Natalie. I loved you so much! You just don’t know. I lost my mother. I wanted to kill myself today. I didn’t want to live anymore. Then I said I couldn’t kill myself without saying good-bye to my son. Or saying good-bye to you. So I got on a plane and came back home. That’s all I wanted to do is say good-bye to you Natalie, I didn’t want to be by myself with the holidays approaching.”

  “Anthony, I love you too!” I said, trying to appease him.

  “No, you don’t. You must love this nigga,” he said as he walked back over to Troy and shot him again. I crawled to grab the baby. His sleeper was soaked with blood. He was looking up at me with a frightened look.

  “My God, Anthony! You shot the baby. You shot our son!” I screamed. “Get him some help!” I yelled.

  Anthony saw the baby’s bloody nightclothes and dropped the gun. Troy managed to get up and stumble out the door. Anthony kneeled on the floor and began to cry. “I’m a failure! I shot my own son.”

  “We got to get him some help, Anthony.” I picked up the baby. He wasn’t crying. I couldn’t tell where the blood was coming from. It was all over the place. Police sirens were approaching.

  I went to the door and there were about a half dozen cops in front of my door with their guns drawn. A paramedic ran up to me and took the baby. Then a cop grabbed me and put my arms behind my back. I yelled, “I didn’t shoot him. It was my ex-husband.”

  Anthony stood in the door. He was on his way out. Then one of the cops shot at him. He went back into the house and shut the door. They pushed me into the car. They were going to kill Anthony.

  “No, no. Don’t shoot him!” I screamed.

  After I answered a few questions they let me get in the ambulance with the baby. I was so concerned with my son I couldn’t think about Anthony. The cops told me not to worry about him. I had to think about myself and my child. I called my mother and told her Anthony shot me and the baby. All I heard her say was, “Lord, are y’all okay? What hospital are you at?”

  Once we reached the hospital I found I only had a graze wound. But my baby had a gunshot wound to his arm. The bullet had just missed his shoulder. He had lost so much blood and was lucky to have made it to the hospital. I couldn’t think straight. They were going to transfer him to Children’s Hospital when he was stabilized. They wanted to evaluate him first to make sure nothing else was wrong.

  My parents had just made it to the hospital. I had blood everywhere. My mother was crying. My dad was crying too! A police officer came over to us and said that Anthony was still in the house and they were trying to get him out. The cop said, “Your husband said he is going to kill himself if he doesn’t speak with you.”

  “What? She doesn’t want to talk to him,” my mother said.

  “You don’t want them to shoot him, do you?” my father asked.

  “Right now I don’t care. Look what he has done to me and my son,” I said.

  “You don’t mean that, Natalie,” he said.

  “I do mean it, Daddy. I don’t want to talk to him.”

  “If you don’t talk to him he is going to be killed. Do you want that, Natalie?”

  “No.” I didn’t want Anthony to be killed but he was so damn stupid. He didn’t have to do all this.

  “Then just tell him to come out.”

  “Okay, I will talk to him.” I wept.

  My mother stayed with the baby, and he was going to be okay. My father and an officer escorted me home.

  We pulled up to my house. All my neighbors were outside staring and news vans and reporters were setting up. They brought over a telephone and called my house. My dad told me to talk to him nicely. I was going to try. I wanted to cuss him out. Anthony picked up the phone. He was sobbing. He was crying hard like the night his mom passed on.

  “Anthony, it’s me, you can’t stay in there, you got to come out.”

  “Natalie. Is he okay? I need to die. I hurt my son. I should die, it’s too late, I’m going to die.”

  “Anthony, it’s not too late. You are not going to die. Please come out.”

  “Is our son okay?” he asked.

  “Yes, he is fine. Now, Anthony, you have to come out. You can’t stay in there.” My dad and the other officers were telling me what to say. I was so nervous. I could hear it in his voice that he was shaken.

  “Our son is fine? He is not dead?”

  “No, he is not dead. So please come out.”

  “Natalie, you are a good woman. I was wrong. You should be able to go out with your girlfriends. Baby, I love you,” he said over the police telephone.

  “Anthony, please just come outside with your hands up. Right now. They promised me if you come out they won’t hurt you. They will help you. If you don’t they are going to kill you.”

  “I’m sorry I messed up our family. You’re a good woman. I should have treated you right.”

  “Please come out.” I asked again.

  “Are you mad at me? If you are I don’t want to live anymore. And I’ll kill myself. Right now. I got the gun against my head now.”

  “Don’t kill yourself. You have so much to live for, Anthony. You have me and the baby. Just come out. Put the gun down. You have to be here for baby Anthony. You’re his daddy and I’m his mommy and I do love you,” I said.

  The phone went dead and I thought the worst. But then the front door opened and Anthony walked out with his hands up above his head. He walked slowly like they told him. The police ran up to him and put him in handcuffs and placed him in the wagon. Me and my dad went back to the hospital. Tanya was there with my mom. She ran up and hugged me. I hugged her back and the nurse came over to us and said they were ready to transfer Anthony over to Children’s Hospital.

  “What happened, Natalie?” Tanya asked.

  “I don’t know. Anthony just came in and started fighting my friend Troy and then he pulled out a gun and started shooting.”

  “How did he get in?”

  “He used his key. I never changed the locks. I know, I know it’s all my fault. I was so stupid. I shouldn’t have never let him come over.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Tanya said.

  I don’t care what anyone said, she couldn’t convince me otherwise. “I got to check on him,” I said. I called upstairs to the nurses’ station on Troy’s floor. I asked her about the condition of the patient Troy Sloan.

  “What’s your relationship to the patient?” she asked.

  “A good friend,” I said.

  “Ma’am, I’m sorry, we can’t give any information to anyone without the consent of the patient.”

  “Can you just answer one question?”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “Is he going to make it?”

  “That information is confidential, but it doesn’t look good.”

  I couldn’t believe what had happened. My family was together six months ago, and now this. I felt like it was all my fault. I couldn’t stop the tears. They were flowing and flowing down my face. A man in a blue trench coat approached me and said his name was Detective Lattison.

  “Hi, Mrs. Grant, I have a few questions I need to ask you.”

  I wiped away my tears and said, “Okay.”

  “Your husband is in custody right now for attempted murder. Mr. Sloan might not make it. If he doesn’t, your husband is going to prison for a very long time. So tell me what happened.”

  I told him the long, tired story. I started at my trip and how I had come back and met Troy online. How we went out on a few dates. How me and Anthony were no longer married and had signed divorce papers.

  “Thanks for your time. We just had to find out exactly why your hu
sband was so upset with Mr. Sloan. Does you husband have a history of mental illness?” he asked.

  “No, not to my knowledge. Is that all? I have to get back to my baby,” I said. I called back to Troy’s room. I told the operator I was his wife then they patched me right into his room. Troy’s brother answered the phone. I told him who I was and he gave me minimal information. He said he didn’t blame me for the shooting, but didn’t think it was a good idea for me to come to his brother’s room. He said all of Troy’s family was there, including his daughter and ex-wife.

  Chapter Sixty-eight

  Tanya

  I was watching the preview for the six o’clock news. Deja and Davon were doing their homework. And out of the corner of my eye I saw a reporter standing in front of a house that looked like Natalie’s saying live at six we’ll tell you more about a police standoff in progress in southwest Philadelphia. I jumped up and called Natalie’s cell phone; it kept ringing. Her house phone was busy. I dialed her mom’s house, no answer. I ran into Mom-Mom’s room and told her I thought I had just seen Natalie’s house on television with a police standoff.

  “Mom-Mom, can I hold your car?”

  “Go ahead girl. Be careful. Call me when you find out what is going on,” she said as she turned on her television.

  I drove to Natalie’s street. I was right. It was Natalie’s house and there were cops everywhere. Oh my god, what is going on. I hadn’t talked to Natalie in weeks, I thought. I saw a lady standing in her doorway. I asked her did she know what was going on. She told me the husband had tried to shoot the wife.

  “Is the wife okay, I asked.”

  “I think so, I saw her walk to the ambulance,” the lady said. I thanked the woman and got back in the car. I knew they had to be at Mercy Hospital because it was the closest hospital, so I drove there.

  “Is there a Natalie Martin here?” I asked the man at patient information. He looked in his computer. He was taking too long so I just walked back to the emergency room while he was still searching. I saw Aunt Sharon. I called her name and she turned around.

  “Aunt Sharon, what’s going on?” I asked as I approached her.

  “Anthony went crazy and tried to shoot Natalie. But instead he shot the baby in the arm and some guy Natalie was dating,” she said as she hugged me.

  “Is baby Anthony okay?” I asked.

  “Yes, they’re about to transfer him over to Children’s Hospital.”

  “Where is Natalie?”

  “She had to go back to the house with the police because Anthony threatened to kill himself.”

  “Oh God,” I said. Aunt Sharon was wiping tears herself but she tried to console me. I calmed down and walked her back to the baby’s room. I felt so relieved. I couldn’t take another death, or tragedy. I don’t know.

  Chapter Sixty-nine

  Janelle

  Damon had a big interview with Sports Illustrated. They were doing an article on second chances in the NFL. He said he wanted me to go, but I didn’t feel like it.

  “I don’t feel like talking to this reporter by myself. I want you to go with me. Wear something dressy because they might try to take your picture.”

  “Damon, I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel well.”

  Just as I said that my phone rang. My mother called me and said, “Janelle, get down here now. That dumb-ass fool shot Natalie and the baby.”

  “No,” I said as I dropped the phone. “What makes somebody do that, the dumb shit?”

  “What’s going on?” Damon asked.

  “My cousin’s ex-husband shot her. I have to get home now,” I said as I put my clothes on.

  “I’ll go with you,” he said

  “What about your interview?”

  “This is more important.”

  We got in the car and got on the turnpike. I couldn’t believe Anthony would go off like that. You see it on the news all the time, but you never actually think somebody you know would do something so stupid. I couldn’t stop crying. I feared losing my cousin. If something happened to Nat or the baby I wouldn’t be right. My phone was ringing, but I refused to answer it. I didn’t want any more bad news. Damon answered it. He tried to soothe me by rubbing my back.

  “Baby, calm down. Calm down. Your mom is on the phone. Natalie and the baby are okay. Her husband is in jail. Natalie’s friend is the one that is hurt.”

  I calmed down a little.

  We went to the hospital and Natalie was going crazy. Tanya was trying to calm her down. She was walking back and forth. Her friend Troy was in critical condition. She thought it was her fault. I stayed at the hospital with Nat and Aunt Sharon until they upgraded the baby’s condition to fair and transferred him to Children’s Hospital.

  Damon was too tired to drive home and I was too shaken up. There wasn’t enough room at my mom’s apartment. Damon suggested we stay over and get a hotel room. All I wanted to do was get some sleep, so much had happened. I was thankful to God that my cousins were okay. We got a room downtown at the Embassy Suites.

  The lights were out and I was beginning to feel calm. We were both lying in bed and Damon went to the bathroom and told me to come here.

  “What? I’m tired,” I said.

  “Just come here,” he said. I reluctantly got out of the bed. My eyes were barely open and I was shunning the light coming from the bathroom. “What’s up, Dame? I’m tired.”

  “Go into the bathroom.”

  “For what?” I asked.

  “Just go.” I walked into the bathroom and on the mirror written in soap was Will you marry me? A red velvet box was in the sink. Damon was standing in the doorway. I didn’t even think about it.

  “Yes, of course I’ll marry you!” I said as I turned and went to hug Damon.

  “I know it wasn’t the most romantic way of proposing. I had a big elaborate plan. Then all this happened. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Damon, this is perfect,” I said.

  Damon took the ring out of the box and placed it on my finger and got on his knees and said, “Janelle, since you came into my life you haven’t left my side. You were in my corner when nobody else was. When I didn’t have a contract you were right there. My baby even returned her stuff to the store for me. That meant a lot, Janelle. I know my men’s girls wouldn’t do that for them. I love you, baby.”

  “I love you too!” I said. “How long have you been planning this?”

  “Since we got to New Jersey. I made up the Sports Illustrated interview.”

  “Really? I was feeling so bad that you missed the interview. Damon, you want me to be your wife?”

  “Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can get married as soon as we get back to New Jersey. You can go get a dress and we can fly our parents in. It can be something small.”

  “I think we need to take our time, baby. I’m not in a rush. We have the rest of our lives,” I said as I kissed him.

  Epilogue

  Natalie

  Troy is still recuperating from his gunshot injuries. He did survive thanks to God. I have decided not to stay in touch with him. It’s too much guilt. It’s time for me to get on with my life. Anthony’s court date has been postponed several times. He is in jail awaiting trial. He signed the house over to me, and I sold it and put the money in the bank for him. His lawyer’s fees are eating away at the insurance money his mother left him. There was no way I would ever live in that house again. I moved back in with my parents for awhile until I get everything in order. I quit catering for Ms. Jerri ’cause I didn’t feel like dealing with her anymore. I can’t wait until the spring. Until then I’ll work with my mom. I’m thinking about moving to North Carolina or maybe Atlanta. Anywhere I could get a fresh start. I often think about what would’ve happened if I never went to Miami. Would Anthony and me still be together? Would I be happy? That’s a question I’ll never be able to answer. If I had a chance to do it again, I wouldn’t go—I would stay home. And that is the honest to God truth. I’m just happ
y to be alive. I can’t even watch the news because I start wondering about what would have happened if Anthony had succeeded. Every night I hear about murder–suicides or some woman getting beaten to death by her boyfriend and it scares me. I just think it could have been me and I had never seen it coming. I’m just happy to be able to see my son and live another day. I don’t think I should have started a new relationship so soon after my divorce. I should have waited. I shouldn’t ever have gone to Miami.

  Tanya

  I started my nursing program and I graduate in April. My mother is doing good. She and I are okay. She’s taking her meds and taking care of herself. For now, she is off that shit. I have stopped smoking weed and only smoke a cigarette here and there. Monica got five years probation. Lil’ Ron is facing seven to ten years. The cops had been watching him for awhile, so they knew Monica wasn’t a major part of his operation. They just wanted to see if she knew anything. My grandmother is taking it easy. She has a job at Wal-Mart and is taking trips and vacations. She told me that she felt incomplete when Saundra was gone. Now that she is home, she feels like she could live again. I still keep in touch with Buc. He is a good friend. There is nothing romantic going on between us. Right now I’m trying to get out of school, get me and my kids a place, and then maybe I’ll start thinking about a man. Until then I’m cool.

  Janelle

  Who knew that one weekend trip would change my life forever. I’m planning my wedding with a coordinator. Natalie is going to be my bridesmaid and Kelly is flying in. We are getting married in Los Cabos, Mexico. All of our family is coming. I’m paying for my uncle, mom and brothers, and Damon is paying for his family. My mom and brothers moved out of my apartment and are living in a house in Germantown. Damon is a good man. He is going to a 12-step program and I go to the meetings with him. I’m so happy that I stayed with him. He is what so many women are searching for. Even though he isn’t perfect, I love him. Women think that if they find a man with money, it is going to be the end of all their worries. It might be, sometimes, but not always. Everybody is doing okay. I finally found a job as a buyer’s assistant for a boutique.