Broken and Beautiful

by Ryan, Kendall

  “I hope the person who invented air-conditioning had a good life,” she said in a sigh.

  I laughed, and she turned to face me and propped her head upon her elbow and palm.

  "Hey, you told my dad you grew up in Jackson Heights. I thought you grew up in Harlem with your parents."

  I sighed and grazed her arm with my fingertips. Usually, I needed a drink or two before I talked about my childhood in Queens, but Lisa made me feel safe. "My birth mother was a pregnant teenage runaway. She met some asshole at Port Authority, and she ended up with him in Jackson Heights. We met the Simmonses when my dad was assigned to be her public defender. I was about CJ's age, a little older. Whenever Crystal got into trouble or needed a break, I went to stay with him, his wife, and their daughter, and later RJ, in Harlem. I spent most of the first eight years of my life shuffled between Queens with her and Manhattan with my adopted family.

  “Anyway, there are a lot of Puerto Ricans and Dominicans in our neighborhood in Queens, so I picked up a lot of Spanish. That’s where I learned the words they don’t teach in school.” I reached down and tickled her.

  "The best words," she crooned, and she kissed me. "When did you know you were in love with me?"

  “I think I was in love with you for a while, but it didn’t hit me until we were dancing in CJ’s room that night. It felt like I was holding my entire world in my arms. Like, if everything else in my life disappeared—my house, my job—I would be happy if I had you two,” I said.

  She leaned forward and kissed me. Her eyes were glassy.

  “What about you?” I wiped away a tear with my thumb.

  "It was during a therapy session. My therapist asked me when I thought I would be able to find love again. Then I realized I already had." She smiled, and there was a hint of sadness in her expression.

  “When was this?”

  “The day before you proposed.” She drew air quotes.

  "Fuck." I sat up. "Is that what you had to tell me that night?" I asked. She looked away and nodded. "I'm a fucking idiot. Why didn't you tell me anyway?"

  "After you asked me to be your fake fiancée and told me we would never work together?" she said with a sardonic laugh.

  “Because I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  "Well, apparently we're both fucking idiots. CJ doesn't stand a chance." She giggled, and I laughed with her.

  "So, what changed?"

  "Nothing. I'm still scared shitless that this will explode in my face, but you make me happy. So I'm choosing happiness with you and CJ even if it doesn't last."

  “You know I mean it when I say that I love you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and honestly, the five months I’ve known you is the longest relationship I’ve ever had.”

  “Has it really been five months since we met?”

  “Yup. You tried to kill me with a baseball bat five months ago.”

  “I’m glad I didn’t kill you with my baseball bat.” She shifted so that our faces were inches apart.

  “I am, too.” I pressed our lips together and rolled her onto her back. “Stay put, love.” I leaned over the side of the bed to grab my duffle bag and pulled out a strip of condoms and the tube of lube. She spotted the lube and raised an eyebrow at me. “Just in case,” I said with a shrug.

  Lisa sat up, grabbed one of the condoms, and tore it off the strip. "Come here," she said.

  I crawled over to her. She pushed me onto my back, wrapped her hand around my girth, and stroked. She tore open the foil wrapper and rolled the condom on before straddling me.

  “No touching,” she whispered.

  "No fucking way." I reached for her hips, and she pushed my hands away. I groaned and put my hands behind my head before she crawled on top of me again and slowly lowered herself onto my dick inch by inch until she was fully seated and sat unmoving, watching my face.

  "What do you want me to do?" she whispered. It felt so fucking good that I was afraid to speak. Lisa's body was enveloping me in warmth and squeezing me. I felt like I was going to explode, but I couldn't. She was exquisitely torturing me. Lisa tossed her long hair over her shoulder. "Cole?" She was waiting for an answer. The fact that I couldn't touch her only served to heighten my arousal.

  “Move,” I whispered. “I want you to move.”

  She smiled and slowly lowered and raised herself on my cock while rocking her hips back and forth.

  "Ffffffuuccck," I said through gritted teeth as I felt Lisa's tight warmth gripping me. After what felt like an eternity but also minutes, she spoke.

  “Touch me, Cole,” she moaned.

  I didn't need to be told twice. I sat up and wrapped my arms around Lisa's waist, rolling her onto her back while still inside her. Our mouths crashed together greedily as I pushed one of her knees into the mattress and rolled my hips pumping into her at the angle that I knew she liked. I'd been dreaming of fucking her like this again every night for the last two months. She arched against me, pressing the globes of her breasts into my chest.

  “Oh, God, Cole. Fuck me just like that.”

  She really needed to stop saying dirty shit like that, or I was gonna lose it, but I never got tired of hearing it. Her cries filled the room, driving me insane.

  "You like that?" I pumped my hips harder into hers, and we crashed together. The sound of our skin slapping together was punctuated by Lisa's high-pitched squeals and my grunts.

  "Yes, oh God, yes," she screamed and dug her nails deeper into my shoulders, where she was gripping me as I drove into her.

  “I love you, Lisa.”

  I pulled away so I could look at her while we made love. Her eyes were closed, and her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth. The soft flesh of her belly rippled from the force of my thrusts. Her breasts bounced as I pumped in and out of her. I bent down and sucked one of her dark brown nipples into my mouth, gently pressing my teeth into the pebbled bud.

  "I love you. I love you too."

  I pressed my mouth to hers, just as Lisa began to shudder beneath me. Two more strokes and I was right behind her, gritting my teeth and growling. I collapsed on top of her and rolled onto my side.

  After a few deep breaths, I climbed out of bed and scooped Lisa into my arms.

  “Where are we going?”

  "The shower. If I don't go now, I'll be too tired to do it later, and you're coming with me because I don't want to let you out of my sight until we're back in New York." I kissed her forehead. It was slick and sweaty with strands of her glossy chestnut hair stuck to it.

  “Grab a condom and the bottle of lube,” she whispered in my ear. “Just in case.”

  I raised my eyebrows at her and smiled.

  * * *

  I didn't let her out of my sight until we landed in New York four days later. We didn't have sex again once we were reunited with CJ, but there were a lot of late-night make-out sessions and stolen kisses. Still, I was eager to get her home and to my bed.

  Our daily routine was the same, but everything changed between us. When I got home from work, she still filled me in on her and CJ's day, but she was usually naked and massaging my scalp after we'd made love. She handed me my morning coffee with deep lingering kisses. I'd ride the train on the way to the office daydreaming about her riding my dick and finding any excuse to bring my fingers in sniffing distance, so I could inhale her lingering scent. The cute videos of her adventures with CJ kept coming, but they were accompanied by the dozens of text messages Lisa and I would send to each other every few minutes.

  I worked faster so I could get home to her and CJ sooner. I worked harder, so my bosses wouldn't suspect my focus was shifted. Smith even had the nerve to commend me on my job performance. I left the office every day at seven, no matter what. Whatever was left undone came home with me and got finished after Lisa fell asleep. I was exhausted but happy, and I wondered if this is what my dad was trying to explain to me months ago when he told me work didn't mean anything without someone to share it with.

  * *
*

  "Favorite food and why?" I asked Lisa as I snaked my arm around her waist to pull her close to me and planted a kiss on her nose. We were tangled in my sheets on the floor at the foot of my bed.

  "I think you know that one. Abuelita Ana's asopao de pollo, and you know why now that you've tried it for yourself. What about you?"

  “You’re gonna laugh.”

  “Probably.” She smiled. “But tell me anyway.” She drew lazy circles around one of my nipples with her fingernail.

  “Fruity Pebbles.”

  "The cereal?" She gave me an incredulous look, but she didn't laugh.

  “Yup.”

  “Okay. Why?”

  "Crystal didn't always have a lot of money. Sometimes we'd be doing really good, but it was always short-lived. But the only thing she would never compromise was Fruity Pebbles cereal because she knew I liked it. When we were doing good, I ate it with milk. When we were doing bad, I ate it with water. But I always had it. When I started staying with my family, my mom made sure there was always a box in the cupboard. She never mentioned it or made a big deal about it. It was just something I could always count on."

  “Is that why Kimberly calls you Fruity Pebbles?”

  I laughed. “Yeah. That and when I ran away from Missouri, I hid in her closet for a week. Fruity Pebbles got us busted.”

  “A week?” she asked. “How is that possible?”

  "Crystal’s relatives never reported me missing, and my parents had a strict rule that the cleaning staff was never allowed to go in our bedrooms. For a couple of ten-year-olds, it was a pretty ingenious plan." I laughed, and Lisa joined me.

  "How did you get caught?"

  "My mom figured it out. When everyone went to work and school, I would sneak into the kitchen and eat the Fruity Pebbles she kept in the pantry. She noticed after a week, and Kimberly said she was eating them because she missed me so much."

  “That’s hilarious,” Lisa said in between giggles.

  “So, my mom poured her a bowl and watched her eat it. She made it halfway through before she confessed everything.”

  “I take it Kimberly doesn’t share your love of Fruity Pebbles.”

  “No. Especially not after that.” I chuckled.

  Lisa put an arm around me and squeezed. I planted a kiss on the top of her head.

  “So where did the name Cole come from?” she asked.

  “When I was learning how to read, I kept pronouncing my name phonetically: Lin-cole-n. My family started calling me Cole and it stuck. When I got adopted and changed my name, it became official.”

  “That’s kind of adorable.” She giggled and kissed me.

  “What’s your favorite movie?”

  "That's a tough one," she said. "It changes all the time… Um, one of my all-time favorites is Like Water for Chocolate."

  “I’ve never seen that one.”

  “It’s beautiful. It’s about two people who are madly in love but kept apart by their families. They do whatever it takes to remain in each other’s life though they know they’ll always have to hide their feelings.”

  "Wow. Does the couple end up together?"

  “Yes, after decades of waiting, but then they die.”

  “Damn.”

  “Yes, but still beautiful.” She slid the arch of her foot up and down my shin before tucking her toes in between my calves. “What’s your favorite movie?”

  “You can laugh at this one. It’s a comedy, The Jerk.”

  "With Steve Martin?" she asked, and I nodded. "My dad loves that movie. I had to have seen that movie at least ten times. Why is that one your favorite?"

  “This might sound stupid, but when I was young, it was the only time I saw a family like mine. I’d never seen a white person adopted by a Black family before. I know parts of it would be considered very problematic today, but it’s weird the things that stick with you as a kid. Plus, Steve Martin is a comedic genius.”

  "That's not stupid. That's sweet. Next Sunday, we should do a double feature: Like Water for Chocolate to make us cry, then The Jerk to cheer us up."

  "That sounds amazing." I rolled over and covered her lips with mine. My hand slid between our bodies, and I found her slick with arousal. I slipped a finger inside her, and she moaned. I slid that same finger into her mouth before kissing her.

  “So are we done playing twenty questions?” she asked me when our lips separated with a soft popping sound.

  "For tonight." I grinned down at her. "Now, I have a different game in mind."

  * * *

  Friday night I came home and Lisa was waiting up for me on the couch, holding a cup of tea. I threw down my book bag, toed off my work shoes, and crawled into her lap, where she scratched my head, making me purr like a tiger.

  "How was your day, handsome?" she asked. I held up the index finger of the left hand.

  "Paper cut," I mumbled in her lap, and she giggled.

  "Ay, bendito. Do you want me to kiss it?"

  “Could you?”

  She grabbed my wrist and brought my bandaged finger to her lips. “All better?”

  "Mm-hmm." I planted a kiss on her thigh. "How was your day?"

  "Well, it was too cold to go to the playground, so we went to the Museum of Natural History where CJ learned a new word—"

  "T-Rex," I supplied. Lisa had sent me about three different videos today of CJ, pointing at various representations of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and shouting "T-Wex!"

  “Yup,” she laughed. She sighed and paused. “I got an interesting call today.”

  “Oh yeah?” I rolled on to my back with my head still in her lap so I could see her face.

  “It’s not a big deal, but…” She began stroking my hair again. “Do you remember me telling you about an audition I had a few months ago?”

  “The one where you sang the song from Rent, that you still haven't performed for me?" I grinned up at her, and she laughed.

  "Yes, that one," she answered in a chuckle. "Well, one of the producers I auditioned for called me today and offered me a part in a three-month tour of a new show. It's mostly singing, a little moving and a few lines. She said I'd be perfect for it."

  "What?" I felt my heart clench. Three months? I'd finally gotten my life just the way I wanted it. I had CJ, my job, and finally, Lisa, and now I was facing three months of upheaval again.

  “Don’t worry, I’m gonna turn it down,” she said in a sigh.

  “What?” I repeated. The split second of relief I felt made me feel like a dick, but I couldn’t believe she would turn down an opportunity like this. If CJ and I were the reason, I’d feel like a bigger dick.

  "Things have just settled down, and the hearing is in a month." She shrugged. "How could I go? What would you do?"

  "Lisa." I sat up, and I couldn't believe the words that were about to leave my lips. "You have to go."

  “Cole. It’s fine.”

  "No, it isn't. You came to New York to be a singer. Not to be CJ's nanny. You auditioned for that part because you wanted it, and now that you have it, I'm not gonna let you give that up for us."

  “What if I gave it up for me?”

  “Well, then that’s different. But is there any part of you, the smallest part, that wants to say yes?”

  She hesitated, opened her mouth, then closed it.

  “Then you have to go. CJ and I will be here when you get back.”

  “It’s not just that. I don’t know if I can do this. I haven’t sung on a stage in a show in years.”

  "Well, the people who offered you a job think you can do it, and you have a degree collecting dust. Plus, I know you can do it, and I'm a smart person. I went to Harvard, you know."

  “Did you? You never mention it.” She looked at me with mock confusion. I tickled her.

  “When would you leave…if you decided to do this?”

  “Monday,” she whispered.

  I sat up. “Monday?!”

  “One of the principals and her understudy dropped out at t
he last minute, but this is another reason why I don’t want to leave. It’s too short notice for you. What would you do?”

  “I would figure it out.”

  "No, Cole. I can't do this to you, and I told you, it's not a big deal."

  "Lisa." I sat up and cupped her face in my hands. "If it wasn't a big deal, why did you tell me in the first place? You want this, and I want this for you. I don't ever want you to wonder if CJ and I are what you want. I want you to be sure."

  "I'm sure. I love you, and I love CJ."

  “We love you, too. We love everything about you, including the things that make you happy that have nothing to do with us.”

  “If I did do this—and I’m not saying I am—I would feel better if I knew what your plan is while I’m gone.”

  "Okay, well, we'll go to breakfast with my family tomorrow and brainstorm, but we'll be fine. CJ and I will come to visit you on the road and call you every day."

  "Okay. If I'm satisfied that you two will be okay without me, I'll go."

  “Good. Tell me about the show.”

  "Well," she began. "It's called The Birthday Card. It's about a woman who receives a mysterious card every year on her birthday. I play her cousin and best friend, Sonia, and I have two songs in the show. One is a solo, and one is a duet."

  “Who are the cards from?”

  “I’m not gonna tell you because I want you to have an excuse to come see it.”

  "I don't need an excuse to come see it. You'll be in it. That's all I need. Now, I'm taking you upstairs, and you're gonna tell me who is sending those cards, or else." I scooped her into my arms and kissed her.

  “Or else what?” She narrowed her eyes at me as I took the steps two at a time.

  “I have ways of making you talk.”

  26

  lisa

  It was official.

  I was a principal in the Northeast tour of a Broadway show. They ended up giving the part I originally auditioned for to a more established Broadway star and the role on the tour, initially, to someone with more experience. Apparently, my audition was so memorable that my name came up when a replacement was needed.