Gorgeous Gyno

by Karen Deen

  “Okay, just relax for me, and I’m going to lift your legs now.” Placing my hands on her ankle and lifting, I see her close her eyes and bite her lip. “Are you okay, am I hurting you?” I worry that I’ve done something wrong and we haven’t even started. She shakes her head and I continue on. After getting her set up with her legs up, and I explain what I’m about to do, still she keeps her eyes closed. I wish she would open them. That’s how I can read her. That’s all I had last night, and they were like an open book telling me her story.

  I start my preliminary look over her vagina and skin around it. My toes are curling in my shoes. Trying not to show any reaction to what I’m seeing.

  It’s her.

  Fuck, there is no doubt.

  The small birthmark on the inside of her right leg just to the side of her vagina confirms it. This beautiful lady innocently lying here is my mystery woman, and she has no idea who I am.

  Why did she tell me her name is Hannah? Oh shit, I hope she’s not married or something bad like that. I wheel my chair across to the file on the counter and breathe a sigh of relief.

  SINGLE is written in the marital status.

  Just get on with it and then talk to her and explain who you are. Christ, I can’t tell her right now while she’s lying there, legs in the air.

  This is so fucked up.

  Sliding the speculum in, she tenses, which is normal, but still eyes tightly closed. It’s as if she doesn’t want to look at me. It makes me wonder if she recognizes me on some level. Which would be awkward considering she ran out on me and was Hannah last night.

  “I know this part is a little uncomfortable so please tell me if I hurt you at all. There shouldn’t be any pain, just discomfort.” Winding it out, I encounter something that in all the years I’ve been practicing I’ve never seen.

  I can’t help but start laughing, although totally unprofessional. But who wouldn’t laugh at seeing their own cum inside a woman they’re examining? Her eyes open wide and look shocked at me laughing.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. Just wondering. Can you tell me, did you have intercourse in the last twelve hours?” I could’ve said twenty-four, but I’m an ass and want to prove this without a doubt. That they are my little swimmers having a great time inside her body. All staying nice and warm while they race for the end of the marathon that luckily none of them will win.

  “Yes,” she quietly whispers as her cheeks blush. Argh, she has a voice. Let’s try a bit more.

  “Well, he must have been a very well-endowed man, because you have been stretched considerably. It looks like you also had unprotected sex, which is very irresponsible in this day and age.” I can see the fire spark up in her eyes. Here we go, I’ve got her now.

  “Not that I would consider it any of your business, but no, he had one of the smallest penises that I’ve ever had. Plus, we did use protection, but he was so useless he didn’t put it on right, and it leaked. Condom must have been too big for his pin dick.” Oh, little one. Two can play at this game.

  “I would say, the medical evidence here says otherwise.” I want to really get her fired up, but I know I still need to get the smear we need and retain some doctor-patient relationship. I decide to stop talking until she is dressed and sitting on the bed. Then it’s game on, beautiful.

  “Almost done,” I say as I slip the speculum out and clean her up. I see her shudder every time I touch her. It’s hard to look at her like this in a clinical setting, when only hours ago I was devouring her and claiming this very part of her magnificent body. I learned a long time ago how to keep my doctor’s coat on at work, however, I can still enjoy a woman’s body outside of here.

  “You can hop up and dress now. I’ll give you a minute and will be back shortly to finish the appointment.” I can see she’s still nervous and flighty. Just like last night. Ready to run at the first opportunity. Part of her, though, I can see is ready to give me a mouthful for my cocky comments before, pardon the pun.

  I walk outside the room and just lean my back against the wall. My head’s spinning and I don’t know how to tackle this. I want to tell her who I am and that I recognize her. But I’m just not sure how she’ll take it.

  A few minutes have passed, and I know the fun is about to start as I turn to walk back in.

  Sitting on the bed with her back straight and her game face on, I take a seat and grab the file as I wheel it towards her.

  “We are nearly done and then you can get on with your day.” I raise the pen ready to fill in the answers.

  “Now just for the records, checking your name, if you can tell me.” I look her straight in the eye to see her reaction.

  “Matilda Henderson,” she says without batting an eyelid.

  “You know, you don’t look like a Matilda. I imagined your name as something different.” Moving on quickly so she doesn’t have time to reply, I ask more questions just on her general medical history.

  “You are currently on the birth control shot which is due again in four weeks’ time. I advise you to make sure you’re on time so you don’t leave yourself unprotected, what with your prior history of disregarding protection. Can’t be too careless now, can we. You might want to mention to your boyfriend to buy better condoms next time.” I look at her with a smirk on my face. She is trying so hard not to react.

  “He is not my boyfriend, just some dickhead I thought might give me a good night. Turns out I was wrong.” Matilda, Matilda, Matilda. If you really thought that, then you wouldn’t be sitting there ready to draw blood from me.

  “As discussed before, the medical evidence doesn’t lie, and I’m sure he would have been a proper gentleman to you. I can’t imagine a pretty lady like yourself would attract anything but a man who knows how to treasure you.” I emphasize the word treasure just to put the nail in the coffin.

  “Are we done here?” She jumps off the bed and grabs her bag, stalking towards the door.

  “Yes, your results will be back in a week, so be sure to check in with Lisa if there are any issues.” There she goes, running again. I follow her out to the reception where she is bypassing Lisa and has her hand on the door handle.

  “Thank you for seeing me today, Hannah. I really enjoyed seeing you again.” She stops and slowly turns to stare me down.

  “Dr. Gray, did you say your name was? I’m so bad with names. Just so you know, that man we discussed? He may have been a gentleman last night, but he is certainly an asshole today. Thank you for pointing that out. Now I won’t make the same mistake again.”

  Just like last night, the sound of the door closing signals my mystery woman disappearing from my life.

  Again!

  Chapter Six

  MATILDA

  “What a jerk!”

  “I can’t even work out what I saw in him last night.” I rant to anyone who will listen as I stomp with vengeance down the sidewalk. I should’ve got a cab but I’m too furious to sit still.

  “How dare he make comments about having sex and being irresponsible. It was his fault. What a douche. He knew. He knew all along who I was.” People are staring at me talking to myself. I don’t care. I need to vent, and I’ll be damned if they’re going to stop me.

  Standing at the traffic lights mumbling to myself, a lady lightly put her hand on my arm to ask if I’m okay. She startled me at first.

  “Thank you, yes, I’m fine. Just letting off steam. Men are just assholes.” I start to laugh a little at my ranting.

  “Honey, I feel your pain. Whatever he did, don’t you let him get away with it.” She smiles at me as she starts to cross the road on the walk symbol.

  “I won’t, thanks,” I call to her as she disappears in the crowd. “It’s not like I’ll be seeing him again anyway.”

  Now I’m hot, sweaty, and still pissed off when I finally make it into the office. Marching straight past Fleur’s office, she just stares at me with her mouth open while she’s stuck talking to someone on the phone.

  My b
ag makes a loud bang as I dump it on my desk, and then I storm into the bathroom.

  Standing in front of the mirror taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. Slowly releasing it. I can feel my heart still beating hard against my ribs. Another big breath and it’s starting to slow finally.

  I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry with a man in my life. Actually, that’s a lie. There was that one guy all those years ago who shall remain nameless. Besides him, this will have to rate a close second. Slowly pulling myself together, freshening up, I head back to my office. Walking through my door, I find Deven sitting in my seat with his feet up on my desk and Fleur on the couch. Both sets of eyes zero in on me like laser beams. They’re not saying a word, just waiting.

  “You can wait all you like. I don’t want to talk about it,” I mutter, swiping his boots off my desk.

  “Bad luck. There is no way you are storming in here that upset, then not sharing. It’s either something really terrible, or it’s super juicy. Whichever it is, you obviously need to spill it. Come on, we’re waiting,” Deven, our resident gossip queen, taunts me.

  “Seriously, don’t you have something better to do with your morning? Pretty sure we aren’t paying you to sit in the boss’s office and be annoying.” I lean over him to turn on my computer and try to continue as if they aren’t here.

  “Now that’s where you’re wrong,” Fleur says. “This boss is happy to allocate her half of paying his wage to give him time to help me get you talking.” They both start laughing at me. My body language must be giving away my frustration.

  “Unlike you two, I actually have work to do. Hurry along, children, and go look for your gossip elsewhere.” I wave my hands trying to shoo them out.

  “Tilly, I haven’t seen you this worked up about anything since the great Ice Sculpture Fiasco of the Debatore wedding. You remember the one where the sculpture turned up as two naked people with the guy and his erect penis. They got the deliveries mixed up.” Fleur is laughing as I smack my hand on my forehead.

  “There is no need to remind me of the details. I’m pretty sure that day is imprinted in my memory bank loud and clear.” I can’t help laughing as we all remember the look on the mother of the bride’s face when the wrapping was dropped to reveal the large statue, shall we say.

  “I’ve never managed to learn two new skills so quickly, as I did that day. Got my ice sculpting certificate and a diploma in rearranging floral arrangements to hide a nude statue, all in twenty minutes.” It felt good to laugh for the first time since getting out of bed. This morning was such a shit show that I need to start again and just move on. Shelve Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome for another time, when I can unpack and dissect what the hell happened.

  After the laughing settles down a little, I’m just about to try to get rid of them again, when we all hear the front door of the office open. Deven stands and leaves my desk to greet the client so we can at least look a little professional.

  “This isn’t over, you know,” Fleur mouths at me.

  Turns out just to be the delivery guy with a bunch of flowers from Lucia to thank us for last night. The client from hell is at least happy, which is a bonus.

  “I haven’t even got to tell you about last night yet.” Fleur looks at me weirdly. “Come to think of it, strange you weren’t on the phone first thing.”

  “I had a gyno appointment this morning so was a little distracted.” I take the flowers and put them on my desk. I need the cheering up today.

  “On that note, I’m out.” Deven throws his hands in the air. Mental note made that next time we need to get rid of him just start talking about our lady bits and he will squirm and run.

  I laugh a little. “Now what do I need to say to get you to run away too?” I stand with my hands on my hips.

  “Let’s see, I think I’m here for the long haul. I think it will take a while to unravel those knickers out of your ass to start with. My guess, it has a lot to do with the tall, dark. and handsome man who was one of the Fuckalicious Four at the ball last night. The one you left early with after you skulked around the event thinking I wouldn’t notice you there.” My mouth drops and I’m trying to get words out to deny it, although it’s going to be useless. I’m hopeless at lying, and if she already caught me out, what the hell is the point? The one person who knows my every nuance is eyeballing me with the biggest smirk on her face.

  “How the hell did you know?” I fall back into my chair. Slowly she gets up, closes the door, and then takes the chair at my desk so we are nice and close.

  “Tilly, you have been my best friend since we were four years old. I know everything about the way you walk, smile, laugh, flick your hair, hold your head, and every other little thing about you. Besides, you think I wouldn’t notice the weirdo that was just wandering around on her own, trying not to be noticed yet stood out like a flashing beacon to me. You know me better than that.” Leaning back and making herself comfortable, she continues with her rant. “So, we will unpack the need to spy on me at a later date. Right now, though, you need to spill the tea on what happened with mister dark and delicious.”

  I groan and put my face in my hands. “You won’t believe me even if you hear the whole story,” I mumble.

  “Give me the whole thing, from start to finish, and I’ll be the judge of that. Do I need coffee?” She laughs to herself watching me like I’m dying trying to get the courage to start my story.

  “This is more of a wine and chocolate type of story, or even tequila shots, but I think it’s against the rules of drinking to start at ten-thirty am. Just for the record, though, I was not spying on you.” Fleur rolls her eyes at me to let me know she doesn’t believe me but is prepared to leave it for the moment.

  “Come on. Time’s a wasting, woman,” she tries hurrying me along.

  “If I can offer you one piece of advice before I begin. Never listen to Hannah. Her ideas suck!”

  “Please, do tell, I’m sure this story just got ten times better.” Fleur starts to giggle. “I suppose both of you are going to blame poor Daisy next. I mean that five-year-old is pretty smart.”

  Thirty minutes later and I’ve laughed, yelled, and cried through the whole drama-length edition of my masked night and morning with the Gorgeous Gyno.

  “He may be twenty out of ten for the sex and perfect night. That does not excuse him for being a dick this morning. How did he even know it was me? Why didn’t he say something?” I was still wound tight like a spring getting it off my chest.

  “Let’s be a little fair here. You didn’t say anything either.” Great, now my friend is on his side.

  “You’re supposed to suggest we tie him to a tree and shoot flaming arrows at him, trying to hit him in his dick. Isn’t that what best friends do?” I stand up to pace the room.

  “In your warped head, maybe, in the real world we just walk up to him and knee him in the balls then tell him that’s for being a total douche. Or we send Deven down to sort him out. That man can bitch slap like no one’s business. What will it be, the knee or the bitch slap?” Trying to keep a straight face, we both lose it and the laughter overtakes us.

  “I still think the arrows are the best idea.” The tears are running down my face from laughing. Fleur walks to me and hugs me tight.

  “I’m sorry that after the perfect night with the sex god he ended up being a jerk. At least you got your fantasy and finally got laid. You need to forget what happened past the minute you ran out and took your Cinderella moment. Just look at it this way, he turned into the pumpkin, not you.”

  “All jokes aside, are you okay?” Fleur looks straight at me to check I wouldn’t lie to her.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. It just really sucked how it ended today. Last night, there was something in that room. A feeling, an electricity that was bigger than just great sex. I think that’s why I freaked and ran. I didn’t know how to cope with that. It was just supposed to be a one-night stand, a bit of fun. Now the joke’s on me. Even today when he was doing his bes
t to be the biggest jerk, he was still setting my body on fire, my heart beating and hoping the appointment might turn into something else. How stupid is that?” I feel like an idiot. I’m a grown woman, yet a guy whose last name I still don’t know, has me all tied in knots.

  “It’s not stupid at all, a little funny when you look from the outside in, but definitely not stupid.” We both hug again and then get on with talking about the actual function and how the staff went. She told me about TJ and all the awesome things he did and improvements he’s bringing to the team. I knew we did the right thing with giving him more responsibility. Time passes and our stomachs are letting us know that lunch should be next on the agenda. Deven for once has stayed out of the office and let us get through my girly crisis.

  “I can’t believe we’ve been talking so long, and still you haven’t said sorry for spying on me. Seriously, what possessed you to sneak into the ball?” Fleur says joking but part of her is still worried I didn’t trust her.

  “In all honesty, I just felt bad for leaving you with a function that was holding together with strings at one stage yesterday. You convinced me you didn’t need me, so I went home. Then Hannah was talking about me being so high-strung and blamed it all on no sex for over a year. Or if you want it in child code language, I was sent out to find some dessert for the night to mellow me out.”

  Fleur just stared at me and then spat her water out across the room. “So, your deliciously hot gyno was dessert. Oh, that’s gold. Fucking Hannah is so hilarious. Seriously, if that was just dessert, imagine what it would have been like if you were served the whole three-course meal before you took flight. There would have been no walking today and instead of asking if you had sex last night, he would have asked if you had been to a mass orgy.”

  “Fleur, that’s disgusting,” I scream, slapping her arm. “Why do you even think these things. Like you even know what that’s like.” She drops her head slightly and her cheeks pink up .