My Ex's Son

by M J Rutter

  The champagne flowed, and the dancing hurt my feet, but it wasn’t long until I felt nothing at all. Nothing as I allowed him to kiss me on the dancefloor before showing me to his suite, nothing as I drank even more wine and allowed him to kiss me on his couch and I certainly didn’t feel a thing as he unzipped my dress, nor when making love to me on his huge bed. Nope, nothing. I didn’t feel a thing until I opened my eyes the following morning and instantly filled with dread as images flashed around in my head of what I did, what we did. I couldn’t believe I had been so reckless and regretted the whole night.

  He still slept as I slowly got out of his bed, collected my clothes that were strewn over the floor and ran to the bathroom, crying as I quickly got dressed remembering the night before. Drunk or not, I could remember everything,

  I was ashamed of myself as this was something I had never done before. I remembered not wanting to feel empty and no longer wanting to be nothing to anyone, I remembered his soft hands caressing my body, his succulent lips kissing me, tasting me, teasing me. I remembered taking him into my mouth and almost threw up at the thought of it. I didn’t remember him putting on a condom and for a few seconds, panic filtered through my guilt-ridden body. I wiped my eyes with a tissue and as I tossed t I the trash, I saw a condom packet and filled with relief.

  Slowly opening the door, I was relieved to find that he still slept soundly. I crept out of his suite before running back to my room. I showered and dressed as quickly as my sore and hungover body would allow. I then packed my things as fast as I could and hurried down to the lobby to check out. What the hell had I done?

  I found a cab and asked the driver to drop me at the train station where Turner had arranged to pick me up at ten. As I climbed out, my brother, as tall as our late father, with dark hair swept over to the side, a beard and moustache, with his beautiful, small framed, brunette wife, Dana, and their two gorgeous daughters, greeted me. I dived into his arms as I held on to him so tightly. I had been so stupid and I knew this was one thing I could never run and hide away from. The pictures from the night before would be all over the publishing world by now, they would all know one thing, Jenna Lindon was, in fact, a tramp.

  I sat beside my nieces who were practically strangers to me and gazed at Texas as it whizzed by out of the car windows. Turner explained how they had moved out of the city area so that the girls could go to a good school. I envied what they had, the stability, the fact that they were so deliriously in love. It saddened me, because it hit me then, that’s what I wanted, to find the other half of me. To be contented and love someone for the rest of my life. I knew where I could have that love, it was with Cain and any chance we ever had of getting back together was gone the moment I allowed a photographer to take pictures at the dance, the dance that led to Carter taking me to his room, where he seduced me and left me feeling like a slut.

  We arrived at the house, a large, two-story building of stone and wooden beams. Set in nine acres of land with fields and pastures as far as the eye could see. Tiffany, my seven-year-old niece, took my hand and towed me towards the house.

  “You are staying in my room, Aunt Jenna.” She said.

  “Aunt Jenna has the guest room, Tiffany.” Brianna corrected. She was almost ten and the image of me when I was her age. Tiffany was like her mother, small, dirty blonde hair and ice blue eyes.

  Turner carried in my bags and my nieces led me inside. The house had wooden floors and cream painted walls. The downstairs was open with a large kitchen at the back. A huge staircase was in front of us as we entered through the front door and as Turner came in behind us, I turned to him.

  “You have a beautiful home, big brother.” I smiled.

  “Thanks, I want to re-decorate, but Dana is happy as it is.”

  “It’s perfect.” I stated.

  “Let me show you up to your room.” He said heading up the stairs. I followed him.

  He pushed open a door revealing a large bedroom with a four-poster bed in the middle and dark wooden furniture. The bed had a white cover on it to match the curtains around the bed and over the window. A pine chest of drawers sat under the window, made to look worn with a shabby-chic paint-job effect, they made the room feel quaint.

  “The door to your right is a bathroom and the other door is a closet.”

  “Thank you, it’s lovely.” I smiled slightly.

  He frowned deeply as he stared for a few moments, “Are you okay, Jenna? You seem a little distracted.”

  “I’m…, it’s a long story.”

  “Is it boyfriend trouble?” he asked.

  “I suppose it is.”

  “Well, you always seem to find the wrong guy, has he hurt you?”

  “No, nothing like that. He’s younger and…”

  “Cougars are all the rage right now.” He grinned.

  “Do you remember that lecturer I dated in college?” I asked.

  “Vaguely.” He frowned.

  “Well, he had a son and he called me a few weeks back, he was in trouble. He came and stayed for a while and things just developed, anyway, it’s over now, but…”

  “But?”

  “I’m in love with him, Turner, I truly am and it’s too late. I have made a huge mistake.”

  “Does he know how you feel about him?”

  “No, I couldn’t tell him because when we were together, I didn’t know if what I felt was love, it all happened so quickly, my head was spinning.” I explained sadly, feeling his loss all over again. My eyes filled with tears. “He is going to hate me.” I sniffed.

  “Do I want to know why?” he asked. I shook my head, not wanting to admit to my brother that I was a tramp. “Oh, Jenna.” He sighed and folded his arms around me. “I just want you to find someone to love and settle down, be happy. I hate to think of you up there alone.”

  “I wish it were that easy.” I cried. He held me in his arms as I sobbed, pouring my heart out as I realized that I would never have someone love me the way Cain did.

  After a much-needed rest, I joined my family for lunch and sat with them around their huge dining table. It had been so long since I was last sat as part of a family or felt like I had one. Falling for Cain petrified me, more so for the fact that I wouldn’t cope if I lost him again. Until I saw my gorgeous nieces and laughed at their cute jokes, I had never pictured myself as a mother, but I could have quite easily had a child with Cain, both of us would love that child and show that child the right way to be raised.

  Over the next few days, I began to feel more human again. I obviously needed the rest as I slept in most mornings and made the most of the time with my nieces in the afternoons. We did crafts and walked the pasture, making daisy chains and telling stories. The sun felt amazing on my pale skin and it wasn’t long before it began to change to a healthier color. We went for a family picnic at a man-made lake on Wednesday, the girls swam in the water and I sat with my brother, talking and joking about the good ol’ days when life, though cruel, was so much easier.

  During the day, I could pretend and hide how crushed I felt inside, how empty and desperately lonely I felt. With my family around me, it felt amazing. Still, night would creep in and smother me, filling with an unbelievable amount of pain and heartbreak. I cried myself to sleep most nights and would wake up after painful dreams tore through my heart leaving it in shards. Cain and I would never be able to find our way back from this and that truth, truly hurt.

  Thursday evening, we played board games after dinner, something Turner and I did with our parents on wet Sunday afternoons. We laughed and ate potato chips, just like we did back then, when life was perfect.

  Just after I said goodnight to Tiffany and Brianna in their rooms, as they had insisted I tuck them both in, I headed down the stairs. My phone buzzed in my jean pocket. I pulled it out and saw Cain had sent a text. I stared at it for a while, not sure if I wanted to open it or not, but intrigue ate at me and I opened the message.

  ‘Did you enjoy yourself?’ he asked and had
attached a picture. I opened the picture and my legs collapsed under me as I sat on the step. It was of me and Carter, I didn’t remember kissing him on the dancefloor, but I must have, because in the picture, we were sucking face, it was messy and ugly, his hands were on my ass and I wanted the world to stop spinning.

  ‘It’s not what it looks like.’ I lied and texted back.

  Not a second had past when he replied.

  ‘Looks self-explanatory to me. Have a nice life, Jen.’ I just stared at the words, holding the phone in my hand, unable to move or respond.

  Turner came towards the stairs, “Jenna?” he frowned. “What’s wrong?” I handed him my phone. “So, who’s Cain?”

  “He’s Jake’s son, the younger guy I told you about when I got here.” I replied.

  “And the guy in the picture?” he handed my phone back to me.

  “Another mistake to my ever-growing list,” I admitted bitterly. “I am so stupid.” I began to cry. “Why am I always making mistakes? Why am I so stupid?”

  “Come on, let’s get some coffee and talk, sounds to me like you are in a mess, little sister.” He took my hand and led me to the couch.

  Dana made us coffee and I told them everything that had happened. I finally admitted out loud that I loved Cain and that it was hard for me, Jake had done that to me and now I fought to hide my feelings so that I didn’t get hurt, this was why I was alone. Sleeping with Carter was a huge mistake, I could live with it, well, learn to live with it. But Cain, my God, I loved that man, more than any other man I had ever known, including his father. It was too late though, I had lost him, and it was my own stupid fault, I didn’t think I could live with knowing that.

  “You need to tell him, Jenna.” Dana insisted. “If he loves you, then he will understand that you acted out of drunken stupidity. If he loves you, it wouldn’t matter.”

  “I think he will see sense, it’s just a kiss,” Turner added. “I mean, it’s not like you jumped into the sack with him, is it?” I frowned and pursed my lips. “Gees, Jenna.” He sighed. “So, you had sex with a man you barely know because your heart is broken? I don’t get you girls, I seriously don’t. No wonder Cain is pissed off.”

  “In case you didn’t hear that part, Cain and Jenna aren’t a couple anymore, so there was no cheating and from what Jenna says, he was seeing someone else anyway, so it’s not cheating.” Dana interrupted. “Anyway, why is it the girl gets judged and the man gets a pat on the back? If he had a one-night stand, she would be expected to just live with it. Jenna, we are all allowed to make mistakes, sweetie.” She said tapping my leg. “I am sure, when he has calmed down, everything will be fine.”

  “I am going to lose my job.” I frowned and sat up. “Mr Dalton will see this as betrayal, he will think I sold us out. Oh my God, what am I going to do?”

  “You need to go back to Seattle, little sister, and sort this mess out.” Turner groaned.

  “Turner!” Dana snapped.

  “He’s right. I do, not for Cain or anything like that, but I need to try and save my job.” I stood from the couch. “I have to pack,” I said.

  “I’ll drive you to the airport,” Turner said firmly.

  “I am so sorry.” I sniffed.

  “It’ll be okay, Jenna.” Turner said tapping my shoulder.

  “Just get your stuff packed and maybe, if it all turns out okay, we can come and see you.” Dana smiled and hugged me.

  Within an hour, we were on the road to DFW. I had managed to squeeze myself onto a red-eye flight back to Seattle and we had just under an hour to get there. I must have apologized a hundred times to Turner, I could see he was disappointed in me, I was disappointed in myself for being a fool, for being so stupid and for allowing this to happen.

  We said goodbye at the gate and I boarded the flight. I clicked in my seatbelt and rested my head back against the seat as we taxied down the runway. I supposed, if Mr Dalton was not prepared to accept an apology and a truthful explanation, moving to LA might not be such a bad thing after all.

  I touched down on the runway just after two in the morning. As soon as the doors opened, I could feel the cooler air flutter over my legs. I collected my bags and headed out to the parking garage to get my car.

  Arriving home almost an hour later, I unloaded my bags and hurried inside. All the while going over in my head what I could say to try and save my job, losing Cain would be terrible, but losing the only thing to keep me going, my job, that absolutely petrified me. Aside from working in a book store while still in college, Dalton, Brian and Brown was all I had known.

  I texted Turner and Dana to thank them for allowing me to stay, I hoped the fifty-dollar allowance I had left my nieces made up for the fact that I couldn’t say goodbye. I then took a bath and went to bed. Not that I could sleep, I daren’t check the firm’s website, I guessed Lander would have had a field day at my expense. If I had anything left of a career, he could easily hammer the final nail into the coffin and seal my fate. I just had no idea of what I could say to make up for letting them down.

  Eighteen

  I got up as soon as sunlight graced my bedroom. I dressed in black slacks and a lavender shirt, pinned up my hair and put on a small amount of make-up. The last thing I needed was mascara streaks as I begged for my job. I made some coffee without milk as my milk had turned in the refrigerator and headed to work in my car. I guessed that if I was fired, I’d need my car to bring my things home.

  As I had left home early, my drive into the city was relatively smooth. I parked on the first level of the garage and hurried into the office. I had even beaten Kate in, which was a near impossible task, she lived in an apartment not far from the office, so was almost always the first in the building.

  I sat behind my desk and sighed as I gazed at my computer screen. I loved my job and until Cain crashed back into my life, I didn’t know that I was lonely and insignificant. I was oblivious to how pathetic I was and that suited me fine. Until he came back into my life, it was so much easier. Just me, the way I liked it. I could start again, if I had to. I realized that if I did lose my job, I had a solid offer from Carter and could quite easily sell my house and move to LA, where no one knew me, where I could start a fresh.

  “You’re back?” Kate said surprized from behind making me jump as I poured coffee into my cup at the staff coffee machine.

  “Yes.” I smiled wryly.

  “So, how was it?”

  “Interesting. I mean, I got some amazing offers for our newbies and some more authors interested in what we have to offer, one of those has a movie offer, I might add.”

  “Yes, that’s great, but I was talking about you and the hottie you were making out with on the dance floor.”

  “Oh, I see.” I leaned against the wall. “He is, his name is Carter.”

  “Carter, I have heard of a Carter.” She frowned.

  “Probably that TV show you were talking about, Finding Carter?”

  “Maybe,” she shrugged then her eyes lit up. “No, he’s that guy from our rivals, has a bit of a reputation with the ladies. Carter Nash, that’s it, Carter-I am so hot-Nash.” She grinned while I cringed. “So, you are his latest victim, are you going to see him again?” she asked.

  “That depends on whether or not I am fired.”

  She chuckled, “Why would you be fired?”

  “I don’t know. Has Mr Dalton seen the pictures?”

  “Jenna, you were kissing a really hot guy, it’s not like you…” She gazed into my eyes and I looked around averting her conspicuous eyes as she put two and two together. “Oh my God, you didn’t, did you?” I frowned at her as she grinned again. “You… with… Carter.” Then she gasped. “Carter Nash, you slept with Carter-freaking-Nash of Shcolster and Scott.”

  “Please, keep your voice down,” I hissed and looked around again. “I am not proud of it, in fact, it was the biggest mistake I have ever made, but now Cain knows, and I am sure Mr Dalton and Lander will find out, my career will be over.”<
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  “Look, I only guessed because I can read you, no one else will know.” She tried to reassure.

  My eyes filled with tears, “I am so stupid.” I sniffed.

  She rubbed my arm, “You are not stupid, the man is a freaking Adonis, he seduced you when you were already vulnerable.” I rolled my eyes. “Cain told me about your fight and he is real upset about everything. He certainly didn’t like to see the picture of you with Carter kissing you, that’s for sure.”

  “Well, when I tell him what really happened, any chance we ever had will disappear.” I sniffed and pulled a tissue from the box beside the machine and wiped my nose.

  “You don’t have to…”

  “If he asks, I can’t lie.” I insisted.

  “Jenna, you have a lot to learn, you definitely don’t need to be honest all of the damn time.” She linked her arm in mine and we walked back to my office with our coffees.

  “I am sure Mr Dalton is going to be fine.” She assured and left me to go back into my office alone.

  I waited until after nine and then I called Janette, Mr Dalton’s secretary, to see if he was available. She explained that he had meetings all day and would not be back until at least six. I had a day of painful hours ahead of me before I had to face my boss and the man I loved. I couldn’t lie to either of them, but I had to face them both, even if it meant I would lose everything.

  I spent some agonising time looking at the pictures from the conference and cringing at the ones of me with Carter for almost two hours. I could see how drunk I was, I could see how gorgeous he was and why Cain felt so threatened by him. I then found the picture Cain had showed me. It looked hot, I mean, if it wasn’t me, I would have thought wow, that’s hot. Carter’s shirt was open at the neck, my fingers were holding his collar and it looked so much more than it actually was. I just hoped he would understand.