On the Edge

by Parker Hudson

  Catherine was, of course, the main topic of conversation among the women. Amy's mother and her Aunt Lois doted over their niece whenever they were together. Amy found it difficult to escape the almost continuous conversation on childbirth and on young children. Once Amy was present when her own father was very complimentary of Catherine and told her how fine she looked in her modern, good-looking maternity dress. I wonder what they would say to me in six months, Amy wondered, if we were back here for Thanksgiving—and I were the one in the maternity dress?!

  For Amy, the effect of being with Catherine for that entire day was one of simultaneous attraction and repulsion. Her cousin seemed so happy, even with the increased inconvenience in her seventh month of pregnancy. Amy had never noticed it before, but it really was true that pregnant women had a special “glow.” And Catherine seemed so maternal to her, shepherding her two-year-old around his great-grandmother's home.

  Amy thought about the life growing inside of herself, and she longed to share her secret with Catherine. She asked her as many questions about being pregnant as she could, without seeming to be too intently interested. Catherine was a walking advertisement for pregnancy and childbirth. Several times during the day, Amy found herself warming to the possibility of actually carrying the baby to full term.

  But then she reflected upon Catherine's older age, her college education, her seemingly loving husband who was a well paid engineer, and then voices inside her brought Amy back to what it would be like to be an unwed eighteen-year-old mother, with no high school education and a dismal future.

  Amy spent the entire day on an emotional roller coaster. And driving home with her parents, she was glad that she had made her decision to have the abortion, if only to end the uncertainty and the emotional swings within her.

  At youth group that Sunday morning, Glenn Jamison reminded the kids about the movie to which they were all invited that afternoon. He also announced that the church had hired a new director for the junior high ministry, a young lady named Carrie Wagner, whom he had known for several years. “Carrie will be joining us late in the summer, after she graduates from college and has a bit of a vacation. We're really looking forward to having her here to concentrate on working with those of you in junior high.”

  As they were leaving the room after the meeting, Glenn asked Tommy if he would like to join him some morning that week for an early breakfast, before Tommy had to be in school. Tommy, obviously happy to be asked, told Glenn he would certainly like to go.

  “Great. I'11 give you a call tomorrow afternoon to set it up. OK?” Then, turning to Bobbie and Susan, Glenn motioned them aside in the hallway.

  “Has your friend Amy come to a decision yet about her baby?” he asked.

  The two girls looked at each other, and then Bobbie responded, “Not that we know of. She and Billy were going out for dinner last night, but then she had to go to her grandmother's this morning, and we haven't talked with her. I've been praying for her and for the baby. Obviously she has to make a decision soon, and we'll let you know.”

  “Please. My wife and I have been praying, too, that she will choose adoption.”

  After Susan prepared for bed that evening, she picked up the novel she was reading and climbed into bed as usual. Then, thinking for a moment, she closed the book, placed it on her night table, stepped out of bed and, for the first time, knelt in prayer. The long exposure to Bobbie's faith, the last three weeks in church, the conversation the day before with her mother, and Bobbie's comment that morning that she had been praying for Amy, all led Susan to this new position, on her knees, bowing her head to her heavenly Father.

  She had little experience and no training in how to pray, but her heart was sincere and her agony for her friend was very real. She asked God for His help and His blessing, that Amy would choose the right path, for her, whichever that was. And she prayed that neither Amy nor any of her other friends would have to go through such an experience again.

  Nepravel, who happened to be next door, running up the voices of Doubt, False Teaching, and Selfishness, to bolster Amy's decision in favor of abortion, was angered to see two streams of light going up from the Sullivans’ house and being answered immediately by more brilliant streams from heaven to earth, each attacking and diminishing his hard work on the voices of deception inside the teenager. Because of Susan's prayers, added to the others building up on Amy's behalf, Nepravel had to spend extra time at the Bryants’ home, further slowing him down in his regular rounds. And further making him nervous about the possible appearance of one or more angels at Amy's abortion.

  MONDAY, MAY 22 – As she sat at lunch in their school cafeteria the next day, Susan was amazed by what she thought was the power of prayer. Amy announced to her two friends her final decision to have the abortion, and she told them that it was all set for Friday morning. Bobbie tried to argue, and tears formed in her eyes, as she considered whether she could join Amy at the abortion clinic. Susan, for her part, was amazed that God had already apparently answered her first attempt at a serious prayer, from only the night before, that Amy would choose the right path. That's amazing, Susan thought quietly to herself. Dad and Glenn Jamison are right The power of prayer seems to be incredible. I'm a little surprised that Amy has chosen abortion, but I'm glad that my prayer has been answered.

  Tommy had now made it through two weekends without joining the older boys in “doing videos.” In one part of his mind, he knew that he was better off for not participating. But the pressure was building inside him again, from the visual images of the wildly pornographic videos, to the excitement of being with the other boys, to the voices of rationalization that Nepravel had spinning at a loud pace in him, countering as best Nepravel could the presence of a believing father in the family.

  That Monday afternoon, Tommy really enjoyed the professional baseball game his father took him to as a special afternoon together. While the chasm between Tommy and his father had not closed, the distance had certainly narrowed over the last few weeks. His father had, in fact, consciously taken more time with him, in everything from homework to sports to just sitting for a while and talking together in the evenings. And something about his father's new openness and vulnerability, which Tommy could daily see coming from his father's new faith, actually made Richard stronger and more trustworthy in his son's eyes.

  So the baseball game that afternoon was very enjoyable for both of them. Riding home in the car, they talked about how close Tommy had come to catching a high pop fly that bounced only three rows behind them.

  But the pressure from the other side was also building and building in Tommy, and finally he asked his father, as they entered the interstate, “Dad, what do you think about homosexuals?”

  “Why do you ask, son?”

  “Like, you know, we studied homosexuality in our health class several weeks ago, and then two of them came in and talked to us about their lifestyles…and, I don't know…I just thought I'd ask you.”

  “Well, I don't know. I guess I've never really thought about them much. They're obviously people just like us, some good, some bad. I've never really been able to figure out whether it's something caused by heredity or by environment or by friends, or what. But by coincidence I do happen to know what the Bible says about it, which I now believe is the best place to begin on any difficult subject like this, because I started on Paul's letters the other night, the first one, the one to the Romans.

  “I had frankly never realized that the Bible specifically mentions homosexuality, but it does, in both the Old and the New Testaments. I don't remember exactly where, but I think it's near the end of the first chapter of Romans. It says that both men and women committed homosexual acts with each other and received a punishment inside themselves for doing so. I referred to the Bible notes on the subject, and they led me back to Deuteronomy, I think. There it again says that homosexuality is wrong and actually calls it an ‘abomination to God.’

  “So, it looks like God is very muc
h opposed to it, and, judging from the homosexuals I have known and the ones we see on television, if it really is an ‘alternative lifestyle,’ it appears to be a very unhappy one. They all seem to be angry or upset about something. And of course the AIDS epidemic has been devastating to the homosexual community, which is awful. So the Bible says it's an abomination. All of the homosexuals I know fit on a narrow scale from unhappy to angry—and AIDS is killing them at alarming rates. All in all, it doesn't sound like a very positive lifestyle!”

  “No, it doesn't,” Tommy agreed. His father's arguments, which Tommy had never really heard before, made a lot of sense, and certainly gave him some reasons to pause and consider before joining his friends again.

  TUESDAY, MAY 23 – Tuesday morning Richard received a call from Bruce McKinney. “Richard, is there any way you'll reconsider helping us out with that loan guarantee?” Bruce asked.

  “Bruce, I really wish I could, but I just don't think it's possible, for several reasons. Why?” Richard answered.

  “It's just not fair. We're so close to closing the Tomlinson investment, but we haven't been able to arrange a short-term loan with our bank, because we're loaned out. Only one of our prospects would guarantee the loan, which wasn't good enough for the bank. It's a real mess because we're about to run out of operating cash, and I just don't know what to do.”

  “That does sound bad, Bruce.” Richard could hear the agony in Bruce's voice. Closer to home, he could imagine that his legal fee for his work on the Tomlinson matter might now be in jeopardy. “I'll call Marty Tsongas again for the latest reading on the estate settlement, and I'll try to hurry him up. Perhaps you should try another bank.”

  “OK. Let me know what Marty says. As you know, banks are all about the same, and I don't hold out much hope for a loan. But I'll make a few calls,” Bruce concluded and said goodbye.

  As Richard rode down the elevator to a luncheon appointment that Tuesday, he noted that it had been exactly two weeks since his meeting with Kristen to break up their relationship. He had had no further contact with Kristen, which he knew was the right thing to do. But he was still concerned about her, and he imagined that he would call her again after more time had passed.

  But more to the point, during these past two weeks he had also lived in constant but slightly decreasing fear of a telephone call from Kristen to Janet. Every evening when he returned from work, and every time Janet had answered the phone at the house, he worried that Janet would confront him with news that might end their marriage. He knew in his mind and in his heart that he was finished with Kristen. More importantly, he knew he had been born again after the prayer breakfast, and that he was a new man. And he hoped Janet recognized the differences in him. But he also knew it would be impossible for her not to be devastated by news of what he had done, and he frankly didn't know what to do. Every day he suffered through the agony of whether he should take the initiative and tell Janet, or hope that Kristen would calm down, that it would all blow over, and that Janet would simply never know.

  Bob and Anne Meredith had shared his anxiety when they left the garage at Kristen's apartment that day. Anne had told him that if she were Janet, she would never want to know. Bob had said Richard might feel better if he told Janet all that had happened and asked for her forgiveness—but he also understood the risk to their marriage. They had finally suggested that Richard talk to Michael Andrews about it, when the two of them met.

  Richard had called the office at the Morningside Church on the Monday morning following their first visit. The church secretary, who had been very helpful, explained that for the next two weeks Reverend Andrews had an unusual schedule of conferences. Unless it was an emergency, she asked that their meeting be arranged near the end of the month. Richard had of course agreed, and he looked forward to meeting with Reverend Andrews on the following Wednesday. In the meantime, he continued to keep his marriage in his nightly prayers, asking God for His blessing and His mercy.

  “Hello.”

  “Peter, hi. This is Kristen. How are you?”

  “Kristen! I'm just great. How are you?”

  “I'm OK…OK. Listen, I was thinking that I need a break, and I might use some of my frequent flyer miles and come out to San Francisco for the weekend. Are you going to be there?”

  “Sure. Absolutely. When are you planning to arrive?”

  “Well, I thought I would catch an early flight on Friday morning, so I can arrive in time to do some shopping. I'm sure I could be there for lunch, if you'll be free.”

  “That sounds great. Some friends and I were planning to go sailing in the bay on Saturday afternoon. Would you like to join us?”

  “Yes. That would be great. I'll bring some sailing clothes. Listen, Peter. Can you recommend a decent hotel that's not too expensive?”

  “Well…why don't you just stay with me?”

  There was a pause on the line, and Peter held his breath. “I…uh…that sounds great. Are you sure it will be no trouble?”

  Peter smiled. “No trouble at all. Call me when you know your flight information, and I'll meet you downtown at the airport express terminal.”

  THURSDAY, MAY 25 – Susan had wavered on whether or not to talk to her father about abortion. After the discussion with her mother on Saturday afternoon, she had meant to ask her father the same question, in order to help Amy. But then on Monday at lunch Amy announced her decision, and for the next few days Susan decided that the issue was closed.

  But now that it was Thursday evening and she would secretly be going with Amy to the abortion clinic in only a few hours, she changed her mind again and decided that she would like to know what her father thought. So after dinner she picked up her biology book as a cover and joined her parents in the den, where her father was looking through a legal brief, and her mother was reviewing the last month's local news ratings.

  “Dad, I asked Mom this question on Saturday, and she suggested that I ask you. We've been studying childbirth in biology, and I wondered what you personally think about abortion?”

  Richard put down his brief and glanced at Janet, who returned his look without changing her expression. For a second he thought to himself, First Tommy and homosexuals on Monday, now Susan and abortions on Thursday. Suddenly there sure are a lot of questions! But then the thought occurred to him, Maybe that's what Ben Fuller and others have meant about being the “spiritual head of the family.” I don't know. But here goes.

  To Susan, who had taken a seat in an armchair next to him, he said, “Well, legally, abortion is of course the law of the land, and so I would have to defend any woman's right to have one. And I recognize it's a very difficult subject. But recently, from reading God's Word and praying and listening to men like Michael Andrews, I've come to a new recognition of how important it is, both for us individually and for our nation, to try to follow God's will for us. And, Susan, I cannot imagine that God wants us to kill defenseless, unborn babies in their mothers’ wombs.”

  “But how do you know that they are really babies? Our biology teacher has insisted that we call them ‘fetuses.’”

  “Well, as your mother may have told you, a couple of weeks ago, Michael Andrews gave a sermon on the future of our country, and he mentioned abortion as one of the ‘watershed’ issues, like slavery was before our Civil War. The sides now being drawn on this fundamental moral issue, unfortunately, allow for little compromise. And he mentioned that in the Psalms…I took some notes and I can look up the exact reference for you…it mentions how God ‘knits us together in our mother's womb.’ That indicates to me that God thinks of us as individuals, created by Him, whether we are born yet or not.” Susan listened silently and waited for him to say more.

  “And then, I've been reading through some literature Court Shullo gave me from the Foundation for the Family. It was started by a medical doctor, Samuel Morris, ten years ago, as a nonprofit organization to support the role of the family in our nation. The article I read corresponded with my reading in the
Gospels over the past few weeks. It pointed out how in the first chapter of the third Gospel, the author/doctor, named Luke, described when Mary visited her cousin, Elizabeth. They were both pregnant, but Elizabeth was further along in her term. He writes that John, who was the unborn baby in Elizabeth's womb, jumped when Mary spoke. Now Luke was a doctor, but he did not write that the ‘fetus’ in Elizabeth jumped. He was inspired by God to write that the ‘baby’ jumped.

  “I haven't done an exhaustive study of biblical references on this subject, but it would be great if you would do it, and we could talk about it again. I guess the bottom line is that I think they're living babies from the moment of conception, simply because God already knows us. He must agonize over the millions and millions of these babies who are killed every year throughout the world. I wonder how long He can let it go on, frankly, before He does something.”

  Susan said in a low voice, looking at the floor, “I never thought of it that way.”

  “Nor did I,” Janet added from across the room. Smiling, she said to Richard, “In most ways living with you has become easier since God got hold of you that morning, but in a few ways it has become more difficult. I have to think more.”

  “Well,” Richard smiled and put his hand on Susan's knee, trying to break the sadness of his last statement. “Let me tell you this. I assume that you ask this question not about yourself, but rather for your biology class. But let me tell you that if, God forbid, any of your friends or acquaintances ever become pregnant, we have many, many wonderful couples who are desperate for babies and who have asked our law firm to help them find a healthy little boy or girl. So if anyone ever asks you, please let her know that we can arrange for all of the mother's medical expenses to be paid and for the baby to find a very nice home.”