All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4)

by Melyssa Winchester

What the fuck is this?

  There’s nothing here that’s bad and even if there was something that seemed wrong, I know Dillon wouldn’t dare screw up what he’s got with Cadence, but it still pisses me off.

  Since when does she go to him?

  Screw this. I’m not gonna sit here wondering and let it eat me alive. That would have been my way before, but things are different now. I’m different. If I wanna know what the fuck is going on here, I’m going right to the source.

  I’m home. I’m safe. I miss u. Please text me when u get this. – Kayden <3

  Once the message is sent, even though it’s not what I want to say, I turn toward where Dillon is making his way back in, more than a little ready to get this out. I can already feel the anger rising, something that hasn’t happened since I dealt with Tim senior year when he screwed with Eric.

  “You text her?” he asks and I nod.

  “When were you gonna tell me that the two of you have been talking behind my back?”

  Way to go Kayden, get confrontational off the jump.

  “When it mattered.”

  “It matters now. You wanna explain what the fuck you’re doing texting my girlfriend?”

  Dillon’s not the same guy anymore. I know this. Hell, I’m half the reason he’s not, but right now, all I can see is that same douchebag and it’s making my blood boil.

  It’s like homecoming all over again and he’s hitting on my girl right in front of me.

  “Dude, you’re making this more than it is.”

  “Then clear it up for me.”

  “She texted me earlier, said she talked to Cadence and felt like something was off with you. I deleted it otherwise you’d see it for yourself. I told her the way you’ve been since you got here and she asked me to help.”

  “I don’t need help.”

  “Says you. Look man, I wasn’t gonna say shit because I know how you are, but you and Belle, what you’ve got; the distance or whatever, it’s messing with you and not in a good way.”

  He has no idea what the hell he’s talking about. I’m absolutely fine. I get to go home every weekend and see my girl. It’s not the best situation but it’s better than being even further apart and never getting to see her at all. I’m doing exactly what I want to do.

  “My relationship is none of your business.”

  “Belle doesn’t feel the same way. She came to me and I know you hate it, but we’re friends now. I care about her. I get the feeling that worrying about you took her mind off her own shit. You know, the stuff you told me about. The stuff you say isn’t any of my business.”

  He’s got me there. I brought him into this by mentioning how she was handling the transition of starting college. I might think it’s none of his business, but bringing him in, it makes it that way.

  I’m a fucking idiot.

  “Was that all of it?”

  “Yeah, other than the message telling me things felt off with you.”

  Last year, I wouldn’t have believed him. This guy, he was my best friend at one point but also one of the biggest snakes alive. He could lie straight to your face and you’d believe it was the truth because he’s smooth. If there was ever a competition for best liar, Dillon would have won by a landslide.

  I do hate the fact that he’s friends with Belle now. Even though we’re all friends again, I’m still on shakier ground than everyone else. I think Eric might be the only other person that is still unsure about him. Belle though, she’s nowhere near the same even though history should make her worse than all of us.

  She genuinely believes in him and likes him.

  My girlfriend has the biggest heart in the world. Especially when it comes to assholes like me and Dillon. Another reason I love her so damn much.

  “So, we cool or are you gonna rip my head off? If I’m goin’ back to Wexfield headless, I need to warn Caddy.”

  Despite how serious things were a second ago, his obvious attempt at a joke weakens the stranglehold my anger has on me and I laugh. I’m losing my shit over nothing. Of course there’s nothing going on here. Belle doesn’t operate that way.

  I’m being a complete jackass. Story of my life.

  “Nah, we’re cool. Sorry. It’s just been a long night.”

  “Yeah and missing your girl doesn’t help.” He answers automatically and I nod. “I get it, man. A year ago, this would have been hilarious. Material for me to use or whatever. But if this was me and Caddy, I’d be the same way.”

  We don’t talk about our relationships much. We’re both head over heels in love with these amazing girls and not used to being allowed to have something that good happen to us, we’re quiet about it. It’s like keeping it to ourselves, we’re somehow keeping it safe.

  Not to mention, we’re guys, even if we are whipped. The last thing we’re gonna do is sit down over tea and have a conversation about how in love we are.

  We can be whipped. We don’t have to be pathetic too.

  “You and Caddy, everything alright there?”

  So much for not being pathetic.

  “Yeah. I still don’t get what the hell she sees in me and most days I figure she’s gonna wake up and realize she made a mistake, but we’re good.”

  “How’s she handling the mom drama?”

  He rolls his eyes and I laugh. He doesn’t need to say any more. Dillon’s mom is a mess, probably even more than he was a year ago, so the shit she’s been starting up since the two of them got together, it’s not surprising that’s his response.

  “Being here, I don’t gotta deal with it anymore. Rebecca can deal with her stupidity on her own. Keep her head in the sand about my dad the way she has been. I could care less. The only way it sucks is when she does stupid shit in public when she sees Cadence and her mom.”

  “What did she do now?”

  “Rambled off some shit about Cadence stealing her son away from her. Being the devil in a dress or something. I don’t know. It’s the fucking pills.”

  Hearing the way Dillon talks about his mom, it makes me thankful mine took off when she did. I know the shit it caused, especially leaving me with Dean and the mess that became, but knowing the way she used to talk about us turning into our dad, I’m afraid that if she was back, she’d be just as bad as Dillon’s mom.

  She may have loved Isabelle when she used to bring me over to their house, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t flip the script around now.

  “What did Caddy do?”

  Cadence is a freaking badass and the only girl on the planet that’s got the balls to deal with Dillon. No one before her could ever get through the steel that he wrapped his head in. It’s because of her and the wakeup call she managed to give him that we can even stand here in the same room together.

  “You know her, what do you think she did?”

  “Slap her?”

  Dillon shakes his head but he’s grinning, which means that her doing that was his original reaction too.

  “No. Told her off though. From what Sarah says, it was pretty fun to watch.”

  “No doubt.”

  “Kay,” he says, the humor gone and his tone serious again. “If it bothers you, me talking to Belle, I won’t do it again. I just have a long way to go making up for the shit I did and I thought helping her would do it.”

  “It’s cool, just next time don’t hide it from me. There’s been enough fucking secrets.”

  With his nod the conversation is dropped. He sits down in front of the laptop and loads up some video game and I throw myself down on the bed, more than ready to close my eyes and forget about my overreaction.

  It’s only when I feel the phone land on the bed and turn to see a smirk on Dillon’s face that I realize forgetting isn’t going to be as easy as I want it to be. I still had one other person I needed to talk to. The very person texting back now.

  Is everything okay?

  Time to tell my girlfriend what a complete idiot I am.

  Fantastic.

  Belle


  I saw the text the minute it came up on my phone, but because I try to follow the rules when we’re in the theatre, I didn’t jump to answer it right away. It also doesn’t help that the text is coming from Dillon’s phone.

  Kayden let his die. Again.

  Yeah. Everything’s fine. Just overreacted to something I read.

  Standing from my seat even though the movie isn’t even half over, I slide my way out until I’m out in the hallway and can give him the attention he deserves.

  Kayden overreacting to something he read, I don’t know what he could mean. He was supposed to be going to a party. I can’t see him doing much reading there, but I’m not gonna wait around to find out.

  Pushing the call button, I wait impatiently until he finally picks up. His voice is worn and tired yet still manages to make my heart melt.

  “Kay, what did you read?”

  “Texts. It was stupid. Don’t worry about it.”

  Not worrying about it, he reminds me of Eric. Even with as long as he’s been with me, Kayden still doesn’t get how I am. How most people are. Telling someone not to think about it is like flashing a big neon sign telling them to do exactly that. It never works the way you want it to and this time is no different.

  “Kay…tell me.”

  “Your texts with Dillon. I read them and it set me off.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I told you. I overreacted.”

  “No, you didn’t. I should have told you I was texting him, but when I was worried about you the other day, you kept telling me nothing was wrong. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  It’s the truth. He’s been doing that since we got together, but it’s more pronounced now. He doesn’t want to focus on how he feels because he sees it as unimportant and to me it’s very important. He’s the most important person in my life aside from my mom and Tristan. I’m gonna worry about him even if he doesn’t want me to.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’m the one that took it wrong. You’re worrying and I love you for that, I just—”

  He cuts off and just the way it does every other time it happens, my heart stills and my mind jumps into overdrive. I hate when people don’t finish their thoughts. It makes me worry even more.

  “You just what?”

  “I never expected Dillon to be the one you reached out to.”

  “Stranger things have happened.”

  My mind settles the minute I hear his laugh. If he was bothered by what he read the way he says, it’s obvious now that he’s telling the truth and he’s fine. The last thing I want is Kayden upset over something I did.

  He knew I was worried about him. I didn’t hide that, but not mentioning going to Dillon for help, I can see it being a problem. Kayden and Dillon are still on shaky ground even if they are roommates. Keeping that from him is only going to make that shakiness completely crack.

  “No more parties, Belle. I know you want me to get out and you’re worried about me, but I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not.”

  “I know and I’m sorry. I never should have gotten his help.”

  “I’m glad you did.” He whispers, taking me by surprise.

  “You are?”

  “Yeah. If you’re willing to reach out to the biggest dick in Wexfield, it must mean you really love me.” He laughs and just like every other time we’re on the phone this way, I join him.

  It’s taken some getting used to, but laughing, it doesn’t freak me out as much as it did the first time it happened. I like the way I feel when I do it and it’s obvious from the content sigh I hear escape that Kayden feels the same.

  “You left the movie to call me, didn’t you?” he asks and I stop myself at the exact moment I feel my head start to nod.

  “Yeah.”

  “Go back in. Enjoy your time with Eric. Text me when you’re out.”

  “I love you Kay.”

  “Not nearly as much as I love you, Belle. I can’t wait to see you.”

  The last part, it comes out in a whisper and my heart melts. The way Kayden sounds when he’s in love, it’s like it’s been ripped straight out of one of my favorite romance novels. It’s magical and makes me feel special in the good way.

  “Three more days.”

  “Three too many.”

  I laugh even though I agree and he sighs again.

  “Talk to you soon, baby.” He says, his tone more final, making the act of hanging up on him easier. Something that even with as often as we do it, is always one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

  “Not soon enough, Kay.”

  Chapter Six

  Kayden

  Days move, running into each other hour by hour until its Friday and I’m only a few hours away from driving back to Wexfield. The only difference between this visit and the others is that this time I’m not alone.

  Cadence and Dillon have an arrangement the same way Belle and I do, but theirs is a little more relaxed. Knowing that Dillon only goes home once a month instead of the four times I do, makes me wonder if the way I’m doing things is too much.

  This distance shit, it’s making me doubt myself a lot more. I don’t doubt Belle or what we share, but the same way I felt when I wondered if my life would be too much for her, its amplified now. Being apart instead of right across the street or even sharing the same place, it’s like all I fucking do is worry.

  Do I need to be giving her more space so she can navigate her issues on her own?

  I don’t wanna make her feel like I’m her dad or something and I already know how protective Grace is. I definitely don’t wanna be that guy. I want to be in Wexfield badly, not because I think I need to be there to protect her but because when I’m not with her, everything’s just off.

  It’s not the way I picture it. I’m starting to think I need her a hell of a lot more than she needs me.

  The way I’m acting and the way I’m thinking can’t be healthy, but I’m not sure what else to do. She’s always just been there in my mind since I finally screwed my head on straight and I don’t want to imagine what it would be like if she wasn’t. It makes me grasp on to her tighter, even knowing that if I hold on any tighter I’ll choke her.

  “Bro, you sure you’re going home to see your girl? You look like you’re about to take a trip to the dentist.”

  I don’t want to get into this with him. Hell, I don’t even wanna think about it myself but if I wanna be able to make this trip and not sit riddled with doubts for the next few hours, I’m gonna have to say something.

  “Why do you only go home once a month?”

  “Caddy wants it that way.”

  “Seriously?”

  I’m pretty surprised by his answer. I assumed that with the way Dillon is with his need to not form attachments, he was the reason. Hearing its Cadence though, that’s kind of crazy. I thought she was like Belle. It’s weird.

  “Yeah. We’re still figuring this shit out. It’s hard. So she told me the week before I left that it was easier to do things this way for a while.”

  “Why?”

  “Don’t know, but I’m not gonna argue with her. I want to see her as much as you do with Belle, but for us, I’m not sure it would work. At least not yet.”

  “You think I’m going home too much?”

  “Can’t answer that. You know the way things were with my dad. The fucking brainwashing, weak versus strong shit. How twisted up inside I was even thinking about changing. I’m coming at this from a different place than you. Only you can say if you’re doing the right thing.”

  “That’s not a whole lot of help.”

  “You want help from me? Seriously? Are you insane?”

  “Remember when I told you that I wanted to do something big for our anniversary in a few weeks?” He nods so I continue. “I took the money I made this summer working at the shop and bought her a ring.”

  “You what?”

  I can tell by the way he’s looking at me that he thinks I’m going to propose and wh
ile the idea has crossed my mind, it’s not that type of ring. I might imagine my life easily with this girl, but I’m not even nineteen. I know that’s moving too quickly even if it does feel right.

  “Not that type of ring. More like a promise thing. I’ve been like this since the homecoming game last year. Every time I see shit in the future, like where I’m gonna end up, she’s there. I wanted some way to make that more solid.”

  “Belle adores you. She’s not going anywhere. I get why you wanna give her a ring, take it to the next level and all but don’t you think that’s a little fast? I mean, don’t take this the wrong way but have you even slept with her?”

  “Not answering that.”

  “You just did.” He says, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Of course it’s obvious that I haven’t. I should have remembered that evading is usually worse than admitting the truth.

  “Man, I get where you’re coming from, but there’s more going on with you than just wanting to make a future with her. So before you go and propose to the girl, I think you need to settle that shit.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “You don’t know?”

  Okay, Dillon is reminding me of why we were such good friends before. He’s being an asshole. He hasn’t stopped grinning the entire time, which means he finds my lack of understanding hilarious.

  “Obviously not or I wouldn’t have asked.”

  “Your dad up and left, though with everything you’ve told me that was a good thing. Your mom did it a few years later and now Dean’s in jail, which means he’s pretty much gone too. Think about it. You’re doing this shit because you’re afraid you’re gonna wake up one day and she’ll be gone.”

  Is he right? Could that be the reason I went out after class last week to find the perfect ring? Am I really afraid that Belle’s going to be like everyone else in my life and leave?

  “See. Now you’re getting it. I think you’re doing it because you love her, but you’re also afraid she’s gonna disappear. I know its fucked hearing me say it, but you can’t let that be a reason for doing something that huge.”

  He’s right. If I’m going to see this through the way I want to, I can’t let there be any reason for it other than the way I feel about Belle. She’d be able to see right through it the same way she can see through me.