All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4)

by Melyssa Winchester

  “If that’s what you think why’d you ask if I slept with her?”

  “Progression?” he answers back quickly before grinning again. “Nah, I asked because I’m a nosy fucker and I wanted to see if you two had taken the plunge yet.”

  This is the Dillon I expect. The one answering me, giving me things to think about, it’s not his style. Cracking jokes, wanting to be a nosy jerk, this is why I opened up to him in the first place, but there’s no denying he’s given me a whole lot more than jokes to think about.

  Like maybe for the first time since I got with Belle last year, I need to slam on the brakes before that fear he thinks I have really does become a reality and she disappears.

  Belle

  I’ve never been so happy for a weekend in my life.

  So much has happened this week that I actually thought about staying home yesterday just to give myself time to process it.

  All of the good I’ve been doing with Isaac, being what I think is his first real friend, getting him to open up to me, even hanging out with him in between classes, it all finally came to a head Wednesday after class. I still don’t know what to do with everything that happened.

  The week started off great. Sure the guys in class, the ones I finally learned were named Bryan and Randy, said stuff on Monday morning, but by Wednesday they hadn’t so much as looked in my general direction, let alone harassed Isaac so I let myself enjoy the calm.

  What a stupid move.

  Kayden’s right. I am naïve about the world. He didn’t say it in a bad way, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s right. I should have known that just like high school, those two days of peace were the calm before the storm.

  Going the whole class without so much as a whispered bad word, I took Isaac’s hand in mine and walked from class confident. That’s when everything changed and why right now, more than any other time, I need to see Kayden.

  ~*~*~

  “Check it out, Bry. The little mute moves fast. They’re already holding hands.”

  Ignoring the chill I get the minute I hear the first meathead talk, his words reminding me a lot of Tim before him, I keep walking even though I can tell with the way he’s slowed down that Isaac is having a harder time ignoring it.

  “Ignore them.” I lean in and whisper.

  When he nods his head and we keep walking, the voices get louder until I swear I can feel their breath on the back of my neck.

  “What’s the hurry princess? Are you too good to stop and talk to us?”

  I’ve come such a long way over the last few months. I can talk a lot more freely now, but I’m still not where I want to be. I still have moments where the pressure to speak is so heavy that it blocks me from doing it at all.

  This is one of those moments. As much as I want to turn and tell this guy exactly what I think of him, I’m completely frozen. My throat is constricted, the words locked deep inside me.

  Isaac’s hand has mine in a death grip and when I look up, if the grip wasn’t enough to worry me, the look in his eyes does it for sure. It’s a look that’s familiar. The same look Kayden wears when he’s pissed off and trying to contain it.

  This is a side of the quiet boy I sit beside that I’ve never seen before, but one that despite not liking him being that way, I understand. I’ve seen it happen with other kids like me.

  Sometimes, especially with boys it seems, there’s a bit of an unexplained violent streak that can happen. I think a lot of it comes from not being able to communicate the same as others, being misunderstood and the struggle that comes with handling the day to day issues we have, but I’m not a doctor so it’s all just a guess.

  It’s definitely what I think Isaac’s issue might be and right now, the last thing he needs to do is get angry. I know what that leads to, autistic or not and he’s better than that.

  “Randy, she’s a quiet one. We could definitely have fun with that.”

  “Is that true, Isabelle? Are you only loud in private?”

  His words, they’re getting to me and I hate it. They remind me of Dillon. The day he cornered me in the hallway and asked if I was giving it up to Kayden in the backseat of his car. Dillon may have changed, but the memory hasn’t and reacting, I shiver and both guys laugh.

  “What does he have that we don’t? I mean at least with us, we’d show you a good time and talk to you.” Bryan says as he grabs onto my free arm.

  Before I can react, pull out of the hold, the tightness around my hand that signaled Isaac was connected to me is gone and I’m being pushed backward as he moves forward. His arm swinging out until it connects with Bryan’s body.

  Isaac is shaking and it scares me. I’ve been around fighting before, but not like this.

  Watching as Randy moves forward, about to go after Isaac himself, I grab my friends hand and pull him back. This has already gone too far. I’m not letting it get worse. I just want to get out of here before Isaac isn’t the only one melting down.

  “Isaac, we need to go.”

  He moves with me, but not before I catch his eyes. Gone is the flash of rage and in its place is something so familiar that it makes my stomach turn. His eyes are glossy. I was right about him from the start. He is like me, and he’s about to prove it even more by letting the tears fall. The one thing I won’t let him do in front of these jerks.

  Isaac’s not just mute. He’s autistic and right now, I’m all he’s got.

  ~*~*~

  Two days have gone by and I’m still affected by it. Thinking about it makes me shake the same way Isaac did that day and it takes shutting my eyes tightly, focusing on the rise and fall of my chest as I breathe in and out to stop it.

  I knew college wasn’t going to be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be like this. I thought that I was safe. That Isaac would be safe too.

  I can’t believe what an idiot I was.

  The only bright spot in the whole week is everything I managed to learn about the boy I’ve been trying so hard to help. It sounds funny calling him a boy, but where I might look at the world through childlike glasses, seeing it in a much simpler way, so does he.

  Focusing on him the way I have been, it’s made me focus less on my own fears being here and being separated from the one person that kept me protected and safe. In a way, other than the incident on Wednesday, helping Isaac has made me stronger. More like Kayden.

  Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, I pull my bag around until I reach the zipper and opening it, pull out the paper filled with his words. The ones where he opened up to me and told me about himself. I need them right now. They’ll help settle the unease I’m experiencing.

  Seeing the good I’m doing, it will make everything right again. It’s something that has to happen before Kayden comes home in a few hours. I’m not sure how I feel about him seeing me like this, especially with how much he worries. He deserves to have one weekend home where my diagnosis and the way it manifests itself isn’t his top concern.

  I’m also afraid that if he learns what happened, he’s going to tell me to stop helping Isaac. The one thing I don’t think I can do because it’s helping me just as much as it is him.

  I’ve been in private school my entire life. My parents never wanted to home school me even though I begged them to. I ended up at Millbridge Academy with those guys you like to call meatheads and I’m pretty sure you can figure out the rest.

  I was diagnosed with Autism when I was five. I was low functioning at first but after about five years or so, my mom took me back and other than the speech issues I’m considered high functioning. I hate those words. They make me sound like a statistic instead of a human.

  Not talking creeps people out. I never had a friend. Not one. I was okay with it at first because I didn’t really like people much anyway. They scared me. Sometimes they still scare me, but the last couple years I tried to have a friend. Just one friend. No one wanted to be one though.

  Who wants to be friends with the mute kid?

  Remember t
he other day when I said thank you for being my friend? I meant it, Isabelle. I thought coming here was gonna be hard and I would run back home and admit that I was too weak to do this, but you changed that.

  You’re my first real friend. My best friend. I don’t feel so alone anymore.

  I don’t know why I did it, but before he wrote me all of that, I got the feeling there were some things he was trying to tell me, so Thursday morning in class, I took out the worn paper I wrote in Ms. Taylor’s class and passed it along to him.

  Being alone, I knew what it felt like because I spent a long time that exact way. Kayden and Eric changed that for me, and then after, as Dillon changed and Cadence came around, Amelia right after her, things changed. What started as me being alone became a group of five people. Five people I love more than anything.

  I want that for Isaac the same way I do for every single person in the world and handing him that letter was supposed to show him that. I don’t want anyone else feeling alone again.

  Slipping the paper back into my bag, zipping it up and throwing it back over my shoulders, I move forward, Kayden’s house coming into view the same way my Mom’s does only there’s one noticeable difference.

  Across the street, there’s no one standing on the front step, where in front of Kayden’s there is. The only other person on the planet right now other than Kayden that I would even want to see.

  Eric.

  Chapter Seven

  Kayden

  Over the summer, I had to go to court.

  Apparently after spending months behind bars, Dean changed his tune and was going to plead guilty. I thought at the time it meant I was cleared of standing before a judge or even a courtroom full of people and detailing everything that I lived through while he was my guardian.

  I was wrong.

  I still had to go and explain the events of the night last fall and how it’s impacted me since. The only good thing was that it wasn’t for a packed room of people I didn’t know.

  It was just me and Belle, along with Dean and his lawyer, the prosecutor and the judge. It was still nerve racking though because there was a still a part of me that didn’t believe he deserved to be in jail for what happened.

  Maybe for the stuff he did when I was younger, sure, but not that night. I was the one that came home drunk knowing what I was going to find the minute I walked through the door. I’m the one that laughed in his face, inciting him, causing everything that happened after the fact. I stood in front of everyone and took the blame for it because I should have known better.

  The court didn’t see it that way. They saw what Dean did over a period of years instead of just one night. They just needed me to hammer the point home.

  Periodically over the last couple of months, my brother reaches out to me through his lawyer and every single time it happens, I turn it down and blow it off. I don’t want to see Dean. That part of my life is over. Going to see him would mean going back in time and I can’t do that, not when I’ve finally got my shit together.

  After dropping Dillon off with a promise to pick him up in a couple days, my phone rings and of course I grab and answer because in my head it’s Belle. It figures the one time it’s not, its Dean’s lawyer with the same request as always. Only this time, there’s something different about him asking. There’s desperation in his tone.

  “I know how you feel about everything, Kayden. You want nothing to do with Dean, but this isn’t like the other times.”

  “What makes this time any different Tom? He chose to plead guilty instead of letting it go to trial. He brought this on himself.”

  God, I don’t want to be dealing with this right now. I’ve already got enough baggage weighing down my mind tonight. The last thing I need is more. I’m about to go home and unwind with my girlfriend. I want the chance to do that without Dean taking up space in my head.

  When he was sentenced to ten years in prison it was supposed to be the end of it.

  “Dean had a visitor recently and that’s why he’s requesting the sit down. Any other time and I wouldn’t make the call, but you need to do this Kayden. What your brother has to tell you is important.”

  “If it’s so important, why don’t you just tell me?”

  “I can’t. As my client, what Dean says in confidence has to remain that way. Besides, this is his information to share, not mine.”

  Confidentiality my ass. That’s a bullshit excuse. He could simplify the situation right now by just telling me what Dean said to him. Instead he’s choosing to take the shitty way out, spouting off legal crap I don’t care about.

  This is Dean trying to control shit again. It’s not happening.

  “Tom, I’m not doing it. I’m done. The next time he wants you to reach out, go with your gut. Don’t.”

  There was a time not that long ago where I wanted something more from my brother. Still choosing to believe he could change and be a better person. I mean shit, if I could do it or at least start to, it had to be possible for Dean too, but those times are long gone. I don’t think change is possible for him.

  As long as he continues seeing the world the way he does, continues to drink and use drugs in an effort to block out the bullshit he’s going through with Mom leaving and being stuck raising me, he’s never going to change. He needs to want it and he just doesn’t.

  “I know how you feel about your brother. I was in the courtroom you know.”

  “You don’t know shit.”

  “So you didn’t take the blame for what happened that night?”

  “I did, but if you knew half of what you claim to, you’d know I’ve been taking the blame for Dean and his fucking shit for years. I’m sorry Tom. I know you’re just doing your job, but I’ve got somewhere to be and it’s not on the phone with you.”

  Hitting end on the call before he can respond, I toss it down on the seat and slam my fist off the steering wheel. Fucking Dean. Even from behind bars he won’t leave me alone.

  The way I wanted this night to go, it’s blown to shit now. Sitting here, I feel like I’m a kid all over again. I’m right back in that house of horrors when he beat the shit out me for the first time. I’m the same scared little kid I was then. The one that doesn’t understand why his brother hates him so much, why his mother hated him so much that she had to take off, and not having a place to put any of it.

  I’m the defective Walker boy my mom warned me about.

  Belle

  The minute I unlock the door, following Eric inside and kicking it shut behind me, I turn my attention to him and exactly what he’s doing here.

  I’m pretty sure he knows Kayden’s gonna be home soon. He’s also gotta be aware that when he’s home, we’re usually locked away in the house, wanting time alone together, so his visit right now makes no sense.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I took Tristan and Summer to the movies and wanted to stop by and say hey before I head home.”

  Well that makes sense and makes me feel bad for asking the way I did. Eric and Tristan have been hanging out a lot more since I moved over here. It probably would have happened a lot sooner, but just like I was closed off from a lot of people, so was Eric. Until he started getting out more, visiting with Tristan was unheard of.

  “I know Kayden’s gonna be home soon, but I was thinking that maybe we can get together before he goes back to the city.”

  “Double date?”

  He laughs and hearing it; watching the way his face becomes animated make me feel good. After everything we’ve been through over the last year, getting to not only hear but see Eric laugh, is a dream come true.

  “Something like that.”

  “You and Amelia finally come up for air?”

  “Very funny, Belle. I’m pretty sure with you and Kayden living together, you’re the one that needs to come up for air.”

  He’s got a point.

  “How’s school?” I ask before heading into the kitchen and pulling two cans of soda from th
e fridge, sliding one across the bar until it lands right under his hand.

  “It’s school.” He answers flippantly, before popping the top open and taking a drawn out swallow.

  “Enough said.”

  “How’s everything with you? Is it getting any easier?”

  “Yeah, I guess. Haven’t really had much time to focus on it.”

  “You still trying to help that Isaac guy?”

  “Mhmm.” I murmur before taking my own sip of soda. “He told me that he’s never had a friend before.”

  “Been there.”

  “Yeah, me too, which is why I’m trying so hard. No one should ever feel like we did.”

  “Rescue any puppies or babies from burning buildings lately?” he asks and it throws me off.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s a joke, Belle. Are you sure you’re not the one that has trouble understanding social cues?” he laughs and I just shake my head. Of course he’s making a joke. This is Eric when he’s broken out of the shell. A side I’m not used to seeing.

  “Can’t say I have but that’s probably because I haven’t seen many puppies lately.”

  “Anyone ever tell you that you’re probably the nicest person on the planet?”

  “Yeah, you’re the fifth one today.” I grin and I’m rewarded as he laughs again.

  “Also the most modest too.”

  “Yep. So, enough about me. How’s school really?”

  “Easier. Not perfect, but easier. I’ll be glad to get out of there in June.”

  “I bet.”

  With Dillon, Kayden, Amelia and the others all graduating with me this past spring, the hold they had over the school fell. I wasn’t naïve enough to think it was gone forever, but its good hearing that it’s not as bad as it was. It’s a step in the right direction.

  “Eric, can I ask you something?”