Losing Control (The Control Duet Book 1)

by Lindsey Powell

  “Michael, I know that today hasn’t been great, but I tried everything that I could to get out of working on this project. Mr Collinson wouldn’t let me give it to someone else. At this point, I can’t see that there is any more that I can do to change his mind.” I speak softly, needing him to understand how much I tried. I notice his jaw ticking in response and I carry on speaking. “I don’t want this to cause problems between us. Tyler is just a work colleague, he means nothing to me. I would never do anything to jeopardise what we have together.” I sound like I am pleading, but it’s actually just reassurance for Michael.

  “Anything?” he says, his eyes finally focussing on me.

  “Yes.”

  “Quit.”

  “Pardon?” I don’t think that I heard him correctly.

  “I said, quit. Quit your job.”

  I kneel there for a few moments, my mouth opening and closing like a fish.

  Quit my job?

  Give up on something that I am genuinely starting to enjoy?

  “I can’t do that, Michael.”

  “Why not? You said that you would do anything.”

  “Yes, I know, but I’m not giving up on my career. I enjoy my job.” His eyes narrow on me, and I feel a coldness sweep through my body.

  “And do you enjoy it because you get to be the big boss lady? Or do you enjoy it because you secretly love the attention that Tyler gives you?” His voice is low and dark.

  “Michael, what are you talking about?” I am so confused right now. This is going in a direction that I never saw coming.

  “Don’t tell me that you don’t enjoy a young guy giving you puppy-dog-eyes all day long, I see the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. Your eyes sparkle, and they don’t do that with me anymore.”

  “What? This is crazy, of course I don’t look at him in any specific way. What the hell is the matter with you, Michael?” My patience is wearing thin.

  There are only so many times that I can tell him that I only want him. There are only so many ways in which I can word it so that maybe, just maybe, one of those words gets through to him.

  I stand up, folding my arms across my chest. Michael looks up at me, unrelenting with his hard stare.

  “What’s the matter with me?” He rises to his feet until he is looking down at me instead of up. “What’s the matter with me?” he repeats. “You really want to fucking know?” His voice gets louder and louder with each word until he is shouting in my face.

  “Michael, please, calm down,” I say as I place my hands on his chest. He looks at my hands and then, without warning, he smacks them away. I start to tremble, panic rising as I enter an unknown element to our relationship.

  “I will not fucking calm down, and you will tell me why the hell you are fucking with me,” he shouts, rage evident in his whole demeanour. “Am I just some kind of plaything for you to keep on a string? Am I just here until the next best thing comes along? AM I JUST SOME STAND-IN UNTIL YOU FIND SOMEONE ELSE?”

  “No!” I shout back at him, terrified by his reaction.

  “Do I mean that little to you that you would use me like this?”

  I take a step back from him, and he steps forwards. “Michael, you’re scaring me,” I whisper.

  “Oh, really?” He smirks. “And you don’t think that you scare me?” My head is spinning from all of the things that he is saying. None of it makes sense. “It scares me how much I feel for you, Lucy, do you ever think about that?”

  I don’t answer as I am not sure what I am supposed to say, but that is a mistake. He grabs both of my arms and shakes me backwards and forwards. I start to cry, tears falling rapidly down my cheeks. I ask him to stop, but it just seems to make him angrier.

  “I love you and all you seem to do is throw it back in my face.” He stops shaking me abruptly, and my legs give out. I drop to the floor, my back hitting the coffee table. I pull my legs up to me, wrapping my arms around them to bring me some comfort. My body is shaking uncontrollably, and I feel like my world has completely shifted.

  The Michael that I love doesn’t appear to be inside the man stood in front of me. The man in front of me is like a stranger.

  Michael leans down until he is level with my face. I shy away from him, but he grips my chin with his thumb and forefinger and moves my head so that I am looking straight at him.

  “I will not be taken for a fool, Lucy.” He lets go of me and stands back up, walking away from me.

  A few seconds later, I hear the flat door open and then slam shut again. I let out a loud cry of relief at his swift exit. I sit on the floor for an age, unable to comprehend everything that just happened.

  I have no words.

  I didn’t know that Michael, and I don’t wish to ever meet him again.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Sorry

  I am still sat on the floor of the lounge when I hear the front door open and close. I’m cold and I feel numb, confused and scared. I don’t move as I hear footsteps make their way into the kitchen. I keep my head down, my arms still wrapped around my legs. The footsteps continue until they are stood next to me and I close my eyes, waiting to see what is going to happen. I don’t want to say or do anything to make this situation worse. I feel Michael kneel down beside me, the smell of alcohol wafting towards me. My body starts to shake again, and the air becomes tense.

  “Baby,” he says, soft and more like the Michael that I love. I still don’t turn to him though. I can’t bring myself to look at him right now.

  “Lucy, I’m so sorry.” Those words bring a fresh wave of tears. I let them fall silently as I hold my breath.

  “Please will you look at me.” I shake my head from side to side. I can’t. I hear him take in a deep breath and blow it back out.

  “I didn’t mean any of it, I was being an idiot and I let myself get carried away. I would never intentionally hurt you; I love you, you are my life. I just get so scared that you’re going to leave me, and I hate the thought of it.”

  At this point I hear him sniff and it makes me look at him. I watch as tears fall down his cheeks. I can see the remorse on his face. He’s embarrassed by his actions.

  “Please don’t hate me.” His control goes, leaving in its place a man that sobs, a man that needs a little reassurance and help to regain his composure. As much as it shouldn’t, my heart goes out to him.

  I move for the first time in hours and turn to him, placing my arms around him as we both let out the grief that we are feeling. His arms lock around my waist, mine lock around his shoulders.

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he says between sobs. I let my fingers run through his hair as I pull my face back and place a kiss on his lips.

  “It’s only you that I want,” I whisper.

  Michael nuzzles his head in the crook of my neck and I feel his tears on my skin. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

  “I know.”

  “I love you.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Forgiveness

  I wake up in bed to see that the time is half past ten in the morning.

  “Shit,” I say as I sit bolt upright. I’m ridiculously late for work. I scramble out of the bed and dash over to the wardrobe, grabbing some work clothes and frantically trying to think of an excuse as to why I’m late. I take out a smart trouser-suit and grab some lingerie from the chest of drawers, but I come to a stop when the bedroom door opens to reveal Michael stood there with a mug in each hand.

  “Hey,” he says as he comes over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

  “Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” I ask him, but before I give him chance to respond, I ask another question. “Why aren’t you at work as well?”

  “Calm down,” he says as he walks over to the bedside table and places the mugs down. “I called into work this morning and told them that we wouldn’t be in today.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I fi
gured that we both needed the rest.”

  “I can’t have a sick day, Michael, I have too much work to do.”

  “I figured that, so I called Kim an hour ago and she’s going to drop your work laptop round on her lunch break.” He comes over to me and takes the clothes out of my hands, placing them on the end of the bed.

  “I think it would be good for it to be just us today,” he says as he takes my hands in his and rubs his thumbs over my knuckles. “I want to make up for last night.”

  “There’s no need,” I reply, a soft smile forming on my face.

  “Yes, there is. I acted like a complete jerk and I need to make it up to you.”

  “Honestly, I’m fine.”

  “I feel bad and I want to do something to show that I’m sorry.”

  “You have already apologised more than once.”

  “Please, Lucy.” His eyes are pleading with me and I decide to give in. If he wants to make it up to me, then who am I to stop him?

  “Well, seeing as you have got work covered, how about you start by showing me just how sorry you are by taking me to bed?” I waggle my eyebrows and step back, undoing the top button on my pyjamas. The smile that graces his face is wicked and the sparkle that I love so much makes an appearance in his eyes. He prowls towards me and I keep moving back until I am pressed up against the wall. His chest collides with mine and my heartbeat speeds up a notch.

  “Now that I can do.” He grabs me and turns me, pushing me onto the bed. I squeal with delight and take pleasure in the fact that playful Michael has returned.

  As he kisses my neck and runs his hands up and down my body, I let the feeling of the moment overtake my senses.

  He’s sorry and I love him.

  He’s knows that he was wrong, and I guess I just need to be more careful of how I interact with Tyler.

  Michael is my life now, and I will do anything that I can to help him see that.

  Chapter Twenty

  Reality check

  I have been spoilt for the last week. Michael has bought me flowers, chocolates and a beautiful silver necklace. I have told him that he doesn’t need to, but he chooses to ignore that, insisting that I should only have the best in life.

  I am currently sat with Kim, grabbing a bite to eat on our lunch break. We chose to go to a café located in the centre of town, so that it will give us a chance to catch up without office ears listening in.

  “So, how’s things with you and Michael?” Kim asks me whilst nibbling on a chip.

  “It’s good,” I reply with what I imagine is a dreamy look on my face.

  “That’s great.” I can tell that she wants to say something else, so I put down my knife and fork and focus all of my attention on her.

  “What’s up?” I ask, one eyebrow raised.

  “I don’t want you to get mad with me.”

  “Why would I get mad?”

  “Because it’s about Michael.”

  “Oh for goodness sake, just say it,” I reply, wondering what information she thinks she knows now. I know that she is probably worried that we might have an argument, like we did previously, but it’s better that she says whatever is on her mind.

  I fold my arms across my chest and lean back in the chair, waiting for her to speak. She wipes her hands on a napkin and leans her elbows on the table.

  “Tyler came to speak to me yesterday.”

  “Okay.”

  “He said that Michael had pulled him to one side and had a word with him.” At this news my interest piques. Michael hasn’t said anything about speaking to Tyler, but I know that Kim wouldn’t lie to me.

  “Go on,” I urge her.

  “Tyler said that Michael firmly warned him off of you. He said that Michael was a little intimidating and he found it weird that Michael was warning him off of you when you’re just work colleagues.”

  I roll my eyes and unfold my arms, my hands going to my head to rub my temples as I feel a headache coming on.

  “Oh, jeez.”

  “Has Michael got a problem with Tyler?” Kim asks.

  “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

  “Why?” I really don’t want to answer Kim’s question, but I have to. She needs to see why Michael would act this way. I don’t want her to think badly of him.

  “Michael seems to think that Tyler has a bit of a thing for me. I’ve told him that he is being ridiculous, but I guess that he still harbours a little insecurity about the issue.”

  “The whole office knows that Tyler fancies you,” Kim says as if it’s no big deal.

  “What?” I screech a little too loudly.

  “He’s a young lad with a crush on his boss. How did you not know this?” Kim asks me, looking a little surprised that I haven’t noticed anything.

  “Because I didn’t. I just thought that Michael was being a little paranoid.”

  “Well, he is, and he isn’t. He’s being paranoid because Tyler is young and good-looking.”

  “Is he?” I ask, screwing my nose up a little. I don’t know why I even bother to ask this question because I know that Tyler is good-looking.

  “Oh yeah,” Kim confirms with a chuckle. “But as for him being paranoid of you and Tyler hooking up, he needs to get over that shit, and quick. It’s plainly obvious to anyone with eyes that you love the bones of him.”

  “Wait, really?”

  “Christ’s sake, Lucy, you bat your eyes at him all day long. Your body language changes when you are near him, and far be it for me to say this, but you look like you need to take a cold shower when you speak to him.” I feel my cheeks get warm and I imagine that I am the colour of a beetroot. “It’s okay to be like that, you know? You’re in love, its cute, but just get Michael under control. He doesn’t need to go around warning off every guy that fancies you.”

  I don’t relish the idea of continuing this conversation, so I simply give Kim the answer that she is looking for.

  “Sure. I’ll speak to him about it tonight.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Confrontation

  “Hey, babe, you ready to get out of here and spend the weekend in bed?” Michael asks me, a big grin on his face.

  “Ugh, you two are so bleurgh,” Kim says from her desk, making both Michael and I laugh.

  “It’s only because you’re jealous,” I tease her. She pokes her tongue out at me, making me laugh harder.

  “Of course I am. Whilst you two are still in some sort of lust-filled haze, I get to spend the weekend listening to Jeremy shout at the football scores whilst farting intermittently.”

  “Oh, Kim, stop,” I say as I hold my stomach which is starting to ache from all of the laughing.

  “Seriously, it’s going to be the highlight of my weekend.”

  “Maybe we could all get together Saturday night?” I suggest, seeing as we haven’t all been out together for a while.

  “That sounds awesome! It’s a definite date, so no calling me to cancel because you’re too busy fucking each other’s brains out,” Kim says, and I blow her a kiss whilst grabbing my stuff to get the hell out of here.

  Michael places his arm around my shoulders and we walk out of the office and make the short journey home.

  Once we get through the front door, I head straight to the kitchen and click the kettle on to make a cup of tea.

  “Would you like a drink?” I shout so that Michael can hear me in the hallway.

  “No, I’m good,” he answers from behind me. I take a mug out of the cupboard and pick up the television remote, flicking it on so that I can see what films are on this evening.

  “What do you fancy watching tonight?” I ask Michael as he stands in the doorway to the kitchen.

  “I don’t mind,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders.

  “You know that if you don’t say now then you will be subjected to two hours of pure unfiltered chick flick, don’t you?” I say teasingly.

  “Why did you say that we would go out tomorrow night?” he says, abrup
tly changing the subject. The kettle clicks to signal that it has boiled, and I busy myself making my drink.

  “I just thought that it might be nice. We always have fun when we hang out with Kim and Jeremy, and I couldn’t stand the thought of Kim’s weekend consisting of farting, belching and shouting out the football scores,” I say with a chuckle. I stir my drink and put the kettle back on its stand. “Why, is there a problem?”

  “It would have been nice to have been consulted beforehand.”

  “Oh, sorry, I didn’t think that you would mind.” He nods his head at me and makes a grumbling noise. “If it’s a problem then we can take a rain check?”

  “Yeah, right, and have Kim storming round here to drag us out anyway?”

  “Did we have plans to do something?” I ask, racking my brains in case I have forgotten anything.

  “Not exactly.”

  “Well then, there’s no problem,” I say with a smile as I pick up my drink and place it on the kitchen table.

  “You don’t ever see anything as a problem,” he mutters quietly.

  “And what is that supposed to mean?” I ask, placing my hand on my hip defiantly. He scoffs and throws his hands into the air in exasperation.

  “Oh, come on, Lucy, we always do what you want to do. When do you ever ask me what I want to do?”

  “Are you being serious right now?”

  “Totally.” I’m taken aback at his attitude.

  I cast my mind back and try to think of a time when I have asked him what he wants to do. Unfortunately, I can’t think of one, but that is because he always tells me that it’s my choice and that he only wants to be doing what I want to do.

  I feel anger bubble up within me at the way in which he speaks to me sometimes, and as much as I have tried to hide my frustration over the whole Tyler issue, I can no longer bite my tongue.

  “And I suppose that speaking to Tyler behind my back shows consideration on your part, does it?” My tone comes out harsher than I expect it to, but at this point, I’m just pissed off with the way he speaks to me sometimes.