Losing Control (The Control Duet Book 1)

by Lindsey Powell

  “Did Tyler tell you that?”

  “It doesn’t matter who told me, it matters that you did it.”

  “Why? Because you don’t want to upset lover-boy?” Michael’s tone is sarcastic, and I don’t care for it one little bit.

  “Oh for fuck’s sake, Michael, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t see Tyler in that way?” I shout, frustration rolling off of me in waves.

  “Liar.”

  “I’m not fucking lying.”

  “You swore to me. You promised me.” He moves towards me, but this time I don’t step back. I stay routed to the spot, prepared to fight this one out just to make him see how ridiculous he is being. “You said that you loved me, that you didn’t want to hurt me.” Another step, a clenched jaw.

  “And I meant it!”

  “Then why the fuck do you continue to flirt with him? It’s embarrassing.” Another step.

  “I do no such thing.”

  “People have started noticing. People have started talking. You think that I don’t hear them saying that our relationship must be on its last legs if you’re flirting with Tyler? You think I don’t see the looks that they give me; pitying and sorrowful? I don’t like being looked at in that way.”

  “Seriously, Michael, you are way off of the mark.”

  “Am I? AM I?” he shouts in my face, coming to a stop in front of me.

  “YES!” I shout back, feeling good that I am standing up for myself.

  “Did you just shout at me?” he says, his tone quiet, his eyes glaring.

  “I sure did.” He will not make me feel bad, I have done nothing wrong. I lift my head up high. I will not back down.

  “So now you have grown a backbone?”

  “I’ve always had a backbone, I just choose not to use it unless I have to.”

  “Well, shall I show you what happens when you defy me?”

  “Go on then,” I goad him, the anger burning through me.

  I have no idea what is going on in that mind of his, but I don’t have long before I find out. A few tense seconds tick by and then, from out of nowhere, his hand comes across my face, slapping me hard.

  My head snaps to the side from the force of it, and from the fact that I was unprepared for something like that to happen. My hand flies up to my cheek as it starts to sting. Tears well in my eyes from the pain.

  I look back to Michael expecting to see remorse, but he still just looks mad. Beyond mad. Fucking furious, in fact.

  He moves his face towards mine and I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

  “If you didn’t act like such a fucking flirt, then I wouldn’t have had to do that,” he sneers.

  He hit me.

  He fucking hit me.

  Oh my God, breathe.

  Calm down.

  It’s going to be okay.

  He didn’t mean to.

  It was an accident, surely?

  “I don’t think that I need to explain my actions here. I think that it is perfectly clear why I had to react like that,” Michael says before he turns his back on me and walks to the kitchen doorway. Before disappearing from view, he turns back around to face me. “But just so we’re clear, you made me do this. You took my love for granted and pushed me to do this. Maybe next time you will think twice before you disrespect me, Lucy.” I don’t miss the evil tone that his voice has taken on.

  With that, he walks down the hallway and into the bedroom. I let out a whoosh of air as I fight to contain the tears that emerge.

  Maybe next time?

  Next time?

  There won’t be a fucking next time.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Trapped

  I’m fucked.

  Completely and utterly fucked.

  I sit on Kim’s sofa, nursing my bruised cheek. I left the apartment last night as soon as Michael shut the bedroom door. It only took seconds for me to grab my bag and go. I didn’t want to waste any time by staying there a moment longer than I needed to. God knows what else he would have done with the mood that he was in.

  He has tried calling my phone all day and all night long. He’s left voicemails, text messages, and every single one states how sorry he is. And my pathetically in love heart is melting towards him.

  I’m sorry.

  I love you.

  It won’t happen again.

  I’m an idiot.

  I lost control.

  I’ve never done anything like it before.

  I love you.

  I love you.

  I fucking love you.

  His words play on repeat in my head, and I am hopeless to stop them. The problem right now is that Michael has made me happier than I ever have been. I see him as my soulmate. He’s my one and only, and how the hell am I supposed to turn away from that feeling?

  “Are you not going to tell me what happened?” Kim asks as she comes into the lounge and flops down beside me.

  “I told you, it was just a stupid argument.”

  “Must have been pretty bad for you to come here,” she replies softly.

  “Well, I just needed some time to cool off.”

  “You did, or he did?”

  “Me. Michael hasn’t done anything wrong.”

  Liar, liar, pants on fire.

  “So, what was it about?” I didn’t say much to Kim last night because I was in such a state when I turned up here. She just hugged me, and I must have eventually fallen asleep on the sofa as I woke up to find that I had been covered in a blanket.

  “Tyler.” I don’t need to lie on that front. Most of it was about Tyler.

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So you confronted him?” she asks.

  “Yep.”

  “And?”

  “To be honest, I don’t really want to talk about it. I said some things that I shouldn’t have said, and I felt that I needed to leave Michael in peace.”

  “It can’t have been that bad, Luce?”

  “Oh, it was.”

  “Well you were in quite a state. How’s your face?” she asks me.

  “It aches a little, but it will be fine. It’s my own stupid fault.”

  “Hardly surprising that you tripped and fell considering you could barely stand up straight when I saw you.”

  “Yeah, I kind of overreacted a little.” I smile sheepishly and pray to God that she buys my lame-ass excuse. She doesn’t have time to respond as the doorbell rings and she stands up to go and answer it.

  I lay my head down on the cushion of the sofa, but I am soon sitting up straight when I hear Michael’s voice. I don’t know how to act as I hear Kim invite him inside.

  Fuck. What the hell am I meant to do now?

  With my mind racing, Michael walks into the lounge and he looks terrible. Red-rimmed eyes, slight stubble and nothing but regret in his eyes.

  “Hey,” he greets me quietly.

  “Hey.”

  “I’ll just give you guys a moment,” Kim says before I hear her go up the stairs to give us some privacy.

  “I, um, I didn’t know if I should come and find you or not,” he mutters, clearly stuck for words.

  “Well, you did and here I am.”

  “Lucy, I didn’t mean to––”

  “To what? Hit me?” I only say the words loud enough so that Michael can hear me. I don’t need Kim catching wind of this as she would flip her lid.

  He nods and hangs his head in shame. “I don’t know what came over me. I’ve been going out of my mind with worry since last night.”

  “Oh really? Is that just because you’re worried about who I have told?”

  His head springs up and he looks genuinely upset that I have said this. “Of course not. Tell whoever you like, just please come back home with me.” I laugh at his reference to the word ‘home.’

  “Aren’t you supposed to be safe in your own home?”

  “You are safe.”

  “Yeah, away from you.” I can’t even muster up the energ
y to be nice to him. I shouldn’t have to anyway, I’m not the one in the wrong here.

  “Please don’t say that. I love you.”

  “So you said.”

  “You don’t believe me?” He looks gobsmacked, but I don’t really know what else he was expecting from me.

  “It’s pretty hard to when I have a pain in my cheek that reminds me otherwise.” I point to my face and turn my head so that he can see that my cheek is a light purple colour. His face pales at the sight and I can see that even he is shocked by how it looks.

  “I honestly didn’t mean it. I just get scared about losing you. God dammit, Lucy, you make me crazy. Crazy about you, crazy for you, crazy about everything to do with you. I promise that I won’t ever do anything like this again.” I stay silent. I need time. I need to process all of this. I can’t decide what to do on a whim. “I feel lost without you with me.”

  “That’s not my fault.”

  “I know, it’s mine. I’m the one with the jealousy issue, but I swear, I will get help if you want me to. I will do anything, just so long as you come back to me.” His begging chips away at a little of the icy exterior that I have on display. My heart is screaming at me to go to him, forgive him, let him prove his love. Yet my head is telling me to remain cautious, to keep my guard up and protect myself.

  “I just need to be away from you right now,” I say without looking at him. If I look at him then I will want to go back with him, and I can’t give in this easily. I need to show him that he can’t treat me this way.

  “Okay,” he says quietly. “But, you’re coming back to me, right?”

  The silence stretches between us for a few minutes.

  Am I?

  Can I?

  Should I?

  Would he hit me again?

  Is he a monster underneath the caring man that I have grown to love?

  I let my eyes meet his and give him the only answer that I can.

  “I don’t know.”

  Even as the words come out of my mouth, I know that I will return to him when I am ready.

  I love him, and everyone deserves a second chance, right?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Familiar faces

  “Don’t you wanna dance?” Kim asks me as she sways to the beat of the music.

  “Not really,” I reply. I have no energy to dance, and I still feel conflicted over what happened with Michael last night.

  “I hate seeing you like this.”

  “Well, I did tell you that I would be no fun tonight.”

  Kim persuaded me to come out with her tonight and forget about the disagreement that I have had with Michael.

  Yeah, as if it is that easy.

  Obviously, Kim still doesn’t know the whole truth, so I can’t really blame her for not realising what a shitty situation I am in. “If you want to go and dance then I will be fine here by myself,” I tell her.

  “I’m not leaving you alone.”

  “Kim, I will be fine,” I reassure her. “I’m not going to break.”

  “Okay, but I will be keeping an eye on you,” she says as she points to me. I smile at her and watch as she sashays her way onto the dance floor.

  I try to switch my mind off but it’s no good, everything is still so raw. I place my hand on my cheek and wince as it still hurts to touch. I managed to cover up the faint bruise with make-up, so that no one would notice it whilst I was out.

  I want to cry.

  I want to hide.

  I want to rewind and go back forty-eight hours.

  I don’t want to be a woman in this kind of predicament.

  “Well, well if it isn’t Lucy Fields,” I hear a voice say from behind me. I whirl around on my seat and am stunned by the person that is stood there.

  “Oh my God… Cal?” I say, the sight of him momentarily taking my breath away. He nods at me and I find myself standing off of my seat and throwing my arms around him.

  “Hey,” he says softly as he wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me back. His familiarity is my undoing. I haven’t seen him in so long and it has shattered the last of my resolve. I let a few tears leak from my eyes as I tighten my hold on him.

  Before Michael, the last place that I truly felt whole was with Cal. He was my first love, my first everything in an emotional sense. We always had a strong bond, and although I pushed aside any romantic feelings that I used to hold for him, our bond will always be special.

  “What’s going on, Luce?” he asks me, and I loosen my hold on him, feeling incredibly stupid for letting my guard down. I step back and swipe underneath my eyes.

  “Oh, nothing, it’s just a nice surprise seeing you is all.” I smile but Cal doesn’t buy it.

  “Lucy, I have known you for a long time, and I know when you’re lying to me.”

  “I’m not lying,” I try to insist, but he’s always been the one person that I can’t fool.

  Cal stands there and assesses me for a few seconds. I can see that he doesn’t believe me, and I hate that I am having to lie, but I can’t tell him about Michael. I haven’t seen or spoken to Cal since he left to go travelling eighteen months ago. Sure, he sent me postcards intermittently to let me know that he was okay, but I haven’t received one since I left Tom. For all I know, he could still have been sending them, but Tom wouldn’t think to pass them on to me. He’s too selfish to think of anyone other than himself. In fact, Cal doesn’t even know that I have split up with Tom.

  “Okay, seeing as I haven’t seen you for so long, I will let it slide, for now. How about I go and get us both a drink and then we can reacquaint ourselves?” he says, and I nod in response. He goes to walk away but turns back to ask me another question. “I’m guessing Kim is here somewhere and I’m guessing that she will want a drink too?”

  “You guess right,” I reply, loving how easily we flow together. It’s always been the same.

  “Be as quick as I can.” He walks over to the bar and I sit back down on the bar stool.

  Well, I didn’t see that one coming.

  I watch as Cal saunters to the bar, looking nothing less than perfection. He’s my best guy friend and seeing him again has reinforced how much I have missed him.

  Cal and I go way back, as does Cal, Kim and Jeremy. Cal is another County Hill School survivor, and we were the foursome that never broke up. The awesome foursome as the kids nicknamed us.

  From the moment that Cal and I became friends, I knew that he would always hold a special place in my heart. We’ve been through so much together, and I harboured strong feelings for him for a long time. I never acted on them because his friendship meant too much to me. I would rather be friends with him than be nothing at all.

  So, I was the girl that was in love with a guy who didn’t have a fucking clue, and I was the girl that had to watch him go through girlfriends, his eyes always passing over me.

  It took a long time for me to shove my love for Cal into a box and lock it away, a box never to be opened again. Sure, I allow myself to love him as a friend, and that will never change, but he will always be the one that got away.

  It’s crazy to see him here now, looking so healthy and full of life, whilst I sit here feeling broken and lifeless on the inside. A feeling that I didn’t think I would associate with Michael, but here we are, at the shittiest point in our relationship.

  I push thoughts of Michael away and focus solely on Cal, needing the distraction.

  Cal Bailey, six-foot-three, arms so big that they are threatening to bust out of his T-shirt, thick thighs and buns of steel. His body is like a work of art. As he walks back towards me with the drinks, I rake my eyes over his face, and fuck if it doesn’t do a little something to me. You would have to be blind not to appreciate the beauty of Cal. Strong jawline, chiselled features, full lips, straight nose, brown hair that is long enough to run your fingers through and leave a little messy, and then he has the most gorgeous royal-blue eyes. Eyes that I haven’t seen in so long, eyes that I used to dream about a
nd ones that have haunted me since I was twelve.

  As Cal places the drinks on the table, I realise that I have never been so pleased to see him in my life. Kim may be my best friend, but Cal was always the one that I ran to for advice first. He’s always been a rock to me, and when he left to go travelling all those months ago, he took a little piece of me with him.

  But now that he is here, I am going to have to put on one hell of an act to cover up my emotions. Cal is going to be harder to hide stuff from than Kim.

  It seems that my life just got a little bit more complicated.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Playing catch up

  “So, how long have you been back?” I ask Cal as I stare at him as if he is some sort of mirage before me.

  “I got back two days ago.”

  “And how was it? Did you travel everywhere that you wanted to?” I am intrigued by his bravery to go it alone and discover new places.

  “It was awesome, Luce. The sights, the cultures of different countries. I can’t describe it other than to say that it was the most amazing experience of my life. Did you get any of my postcards?” he asks, and I give him a nod to let him know that I have.

  He takes a sip of his beer and continues to speak. “I actually called round to your place yesterday, but it turns out that you don’t live there anymore.”

  “Uh… No… No, I don’t.”

  “Hmmm. Tom seemed a little shaken at my appearance, but when he realised that I didn’t know that you had moved out, he seemed to relax a little.”

  “I bet.”

  Tom was always wary of Cal, hated the bond that we had, knew that Cal would always have my back. I guess Tom felt threatened by Cal, but that’s still no excuse for him cheating on me. I never gave him any reason to think that I was going to go off with Cal, and Cal didn’t disrespect Tom either. Well, not openly anyway.

  “What happened?” Cal asks as he sips his beer.

  “Do we have to talk about me? Can’t I just listen to stories from your travels?”