The Inside Man: A Dublin Nights Novel

by Sahin, Brittney

  Ronan? I searched my brain for a memory. “The arms dealer?”

  “Yeah,” she said, and I heard a yelp in the background.

  “Where are you?” I asked in surprise as another low sound pierced the air.

  “Making Ronan talk.” She was quiet for a moment. “Alessia?”

  “Yeah?” I whispered, opening my eyes to see Cole exiting the club with my coat in hand, heading my way.

  “You’re a survivor. You’re stronger than Luca. Stronger than you think. We’ll make this right. I promise.”

  I ended the call the second Cole was within earshot and thanked him for my coat. He helped me put it on, and I tucked my phone into my pocket. “I’m sorry. I, um, called Emilia. She’s been helping me deal with what happened in Russia. Sort of my therapy.” At least that was the truth.

  Cole took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m sorry if talking about Petrov upset you.”

  He had no idea just how much.

  I killed Dimitri Petrov.

  “We’ll never let anything happen to you. You don’t have to worry.” He brought both palms to my arms. “I’ll cancel my plans this evening. We can go back to the hotel.”

  What I wouldn’t give for that to happen, but I couldn’t get in the way of his work. Cole had to make a strong stance as League leader if we ever had a shot at being safe, of being together.

  “No, I’ll be okay.” More spreadsheets to stare at in a daze. “Please, do what you need to do.”

  “You’re sure? I hate leaving you.” He frowned. “Ethan just flew back to New York, or I’d ask him to keep you company.”

  “I was thinking of visiting Anna at the hospital after I wrap up at work. I’ll be sure to have my driver escort me, don’t worry.”

  He let go of me. “That’s a good idea. I hear babies are a good form of therapy, too.” He glanced down at my abdomen, and I wasn’t sure if I was just imagining it, but part of me wondered if he was envisioning what it’d be like if I was ever pregnant with his child.

  We had to actually have sex first for that to happen, I reminded myself.

  And I’d give anything to take a moment from this insanity and be with him, but we’d waited so long, I supposed we could wait a bit longer.

  “Be safe out there.” I smoothed the back of my hand over his cheek, his beard scratching against my skin.

  He captured my wrist and pressed a kiss to my palm, his lips warm and soft—tantalizing. And in that small kiss, I could feel right down to my bones the promise of what was to come.

  But to get there, I needed to survive.

  * * *

  “Braden’s precious,” I commented.

  Adam’s wife, Anna, sat up in the hospital bed, her eyes bright. So happy. She may have been crazy tired from the lack of sleep being a new mom, but she didn’t show it.

  “You must be relieved to go home on Friday.” I handed the little bundle back to Adam, and he adjusted the swaddle and nuzzled his nose to Braden’s.

  “We’re very excited, but all this extra help we’ve been getting from the nurses, well, I’ll miss that,” Anna answered, her exhaustion now evident as she released a wide yawn.

  “I think the little lad is hungry.” Adam placed Braden back into Anna’s arms.

  Adam reminded me of Cole. Tall, broad-shouldered, strong. Dark hair and now sporting a similar beard. The McGregors had great genes.

  “I won’t keep you long, then,” I said as Anna adjusted her gown to nurse Braden. “Is he latching on well?”

  “It was a tough few days, but he’s getting the hang of it. A quick learner,” she said with a smile.

  I loved having Holly in my life, but it’d been easy to bond with Anna, too. Both of us from America and all. She was also super sweet, and I could see why Holly loved having her as a sister-in-law.

  “And my wife is also a hell of a mother.” There were legit stars in the man’s eyes. He looked at Anna the way my brother looked at Holly. I was pretty sure it was how Cole looked at me, too. Even after all these years, the flame between us never died. The fire he denied feeling when we lived in New York, fearing I was too young or not ready for him, was stronger than ever.

  “We make a great team.” Adam set a hand on Anna’s shoulder, standing off to her right side as Braden continued to feed.

  They were a family, and I needed to do everything in my power to prevent my actions, Luca’s insanity, from spilling over to them.

  “Samuel and Declan look forward to seeing you both. I bet the kids at the center are anxious to meet Braden as well.” I began buttoning my coat, needing to get back to the hotel and give them some space.

  “We miss them all, too,” Anna said with a nod, her eyes wandering to the takeout I’d brought them. Well, in Ireland, it was referred to as “takeaway.” “Thank you for the food. We appreciate it.”

  “Of course.” I had an uneasy feeling, and I wasn’t sure how to shake it, but I was fairly confident Adam had just picked up on it.

  “I’ll walk you out,” he offered.

  I said goodbye to Anna, then Adam and I silently made our way to the exit of the hospital.

  “You okay?” He raced a hand over his dark hair, his blue eyes meeting mine. “I’m so sorry about what happened to you on Saturday,” he added to fill the silence that hung in the air between us outside the hospital entrance.

  “I’m—”

  “Fine?” He folded his arms and angled his head, and I’d swear, from the look on his face, he knew what I was feeling. He understood me. “You’re Sebastian’s sister, so I imagine you’re strong, and you’ll be okay.”

  Was there a but coming next?

  “I’m sensing something, and if I’m wrong, I apologize, but I’ve always been able to spot a natural fighter from ten meters away, and looking at you right now, well, I see one.”

  Was he talking in the literal sense? Shit.

  Uncomfortable with where this conversation was going, I took a step back. Adam uncrossed his arms and cleared his throat as if that act might remove the awkwardness filling the crisp air between us.

  “Does Cole know? Your brother?” His focus had drifted to my hands, which were at my sides.

  I raised my hands, discovering they were knotted. I hadn’t always been like this, ready to fight, to defend myself. It took a lot of time in that prison of Luca’s to push me to the edge I teetered on now.

  I’d hoped to leave that woman behind. To never throw a punch again once I was free, but I hadn’t been able to control the urge to strike the man in the bathroom that one night, nor attack the three Russians on the street last Saturday.

  And right now, I wanted to hit something. Not a wall, which was Cole’s preference . . . no, I wanted to hit flesh.

  I could feel the quiver in my lip when I finally answered, “No,” and then I felt practically weightless as guilt surged through me.

  What is wrong with me?

  Adam’s strong arms encircled me a moment later, pulling me to him like a big brother. I had so many brother-like figures right now, and I was grateful for them, but I had to somehow protect them, too.

  “I don’t know what happened in that prison, but you’re out now. You’re safe.” Adam’s deep voice touched my ears. “And I need you to do something for me.”

  Tell Cole and Sebastian the truth?

  I swiped the few tears from my face when I pulled away from him. “What?”

  “Accept that it’s okay to be a fighter. As long as you’re fighting for what is right, what is good and pure, then it’s quite alright.” His tone was soft and imploring. “The last person you need to beat up, though, is yourself. It took me finding Anna to accept this part of me, that being a fighter was who I am.”

  “And what if I’ve already hurt someone because of it?”

  “Then seek forgiveness. And then learn from your mistakes. Just always strive to be better and stronger than the person you were yesterday.” His words reminded me a bit of how Emilia had spoken to me but with a gentle
r tone.

  “Is forgiveness possible?” I whispered.

  A smile stretched his lips, his blue eyes lighting up, and he jerked a thumb toward the hospital doors. “I’d say so. I’ve got a wife who loves me for me and an incredible son, and neither would be possible if I hadn’t forgiven myself for my past actions.” He paused for a moment. “I’m not gonna lie, the journey is hard, and the road to redemption never really ends. I’m still on it. I’m still going.” He clasped a gentle hand on my shoulder as he held my eyes. “But I’m also a fighter, and fighters don’t give up.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Cole

  Alessia strode into the living room on Thursday morning in a pair of black leggings and a black Beatles tee. She bent over to pick up the remote that’d fallen off the coffee table, and I had to fight back the urge to make a comment about her arse.

  I’d been desperate to kiss her outside the club yesterday, but I did my best to hold back, determined to wait for when the time was right. Having to talk to her about Russia and the prison had been pure torture. I hated seeing her in pain. Hated it more than anything.

  If you added up the time we’d spent together this week, it was less than five hours because I was so damn busy, but I’d take that over nothing. And then tomorrow, I’d be leaving for London to meet with the new Alliance leader. I didn’t want to leave with the news of Adrian Petrov in town, but Sebastian arranged for extra protection while we were gone.

  Alessia sauntered over, leaned her forearms on the breakfast counter across from me, and snatched an apple from the bowl.

  “How was your visit at the hospital last night?”

  She was focused on twisting the apple stem, seemingly lost in thought, but at the sound of my voice, she blinked a few times and looked up. “It was just what I needed.” She bit into the apple with a loud crunch and began chewing intently. When a trickle of juice escaped from between her lips, the tip of her tongue quickly slipped out to catch it.

  The coffee mug hovered in front of my mouth, as I remained completely entranced by that pink tongue, imagining it dueling with mine.

  “What’s on your agenda today?” She took another bite, oblivious to the effect she was having on me.

  “Meetings all day. Skipping training tonight, though. The arms dealer, Ronan, gave us the names of two more lowlifes higher up in the Irish crime syndicate being run out of Belfast. So, Sebastian and I will be handling those men tonight. We’ll have to split up to cover ground. We don’t normally handle criminals out of Northern Ireland, but they’re smuggling weapons here, so we gotta stop them.”

  She was quiet as if reflecting on what I’d said. “And is it a problem for The Alliance that my brother is still involved even though he stepped down?”

  “The deal was for him to relinquish his leadership position. What he’s doing now—gray area.” I finally took another sip of my coffee, nearly forgetting I was still holding it.

  What I really wanted to do was peel that T-shirt off her and press my mouth to every inch of her body. Press kisses all over her abdomen, then slide my tongue to her clit and make her scream my name.

  We were talking about weapons dealers, and I was multitasking by fantasizing about her. I blamed it on living so close without being able to touch her.

  “What are you thinking about?” She smirked a knowing and almost-naughty smile.

  “You don’t want to know.” I set the mug down and placed my hands on each side of it on the counter, doing my best not to speak the truth.

  She leaned forward, bringing her elbows to the marble. “Tell me.”

  It was already after eight, and I needed to get to the office for a meeting, but this was the first morning we’d had together this week, and I couldn’t pass up the chance to spend more time with her. “You. Always thinking about you.” I reached out and slowly drew my forefinger down the length of her arm. “I want to set you up on this counter and wrap your legs around my waist, watch your breasts bouncing while I fuck you hard.”

  And . . . I just went there. My filter gone. My desire had hijacked all reason.

  A pale blush touched her cheeks as she pulled the side of her lip between her teeth.

  “Told you, you didn’t want to know.”

  “Oh, I do want to know. I’ll use that image when I touch myself in the shower after I work out.”

  I nearly missed the second part of what she’d said, too focused on the visual she’d created for me.

  And heaven help me, I wouldn’t be able to get through my upcoming meeting without sporting an erection whenever her words gathered back in my mind. “You’re going to work out?” I managed to get the words out some-fecking-how.

  “Yeah, I think it’s time. Don’t worry. I’ll be safe. I’m going with Emilia.” She set the apple down and placed a hand to the back of the high-top chair to her left. My cock dialed down to normal with the conversation switching directions. “She’s so strong, and she’s been through a lot, too. It’s nice to have her.”

  I was glad Alessia had someone to confide in, even if I wished it were me. She probably wouldn’t give me another letter, not with my Alliance meeting tomorrow. “You sure you’ll be okay when I leave? I should be back by Sunday. Earlier if I can help it.”

  “I’ll be okay.” I wasn’t so sure she believed her words. I’d always been able to read her, but lately, I’d swear she was doing her best to throw me off.

  “I’m going to find a way to take them down. This will all be over soon.” I was making promises I had no idea I’d be able to keep.

  Becoming a League leader was one thing, destroying an entire criminal organization, was quite another.

  She came around the breakfast counter to join me in the kitchen. My eyes lowered to her black sneakers, then moved up her long legs, finally landing on her face. A brief pause on her full lips before my eyes met hers.

  “I probably won’t be back until two or even three in the mornin’. You’ll be sleeping. Maybe we can have breakfast before I leave?”

  “I’d like that.” She pressed a quick kiss to my cheek, her hand going to my chest. Her body near mine.

  Her perfume was that sexy mix of sweet and spice I loved. “I really want to kiss you,” I confessed, the words spilling out before I could contain them.

  “Is it wrong that I want you to?” Her whispered question was like a hand around my heart. Gripping. Stealing the beats. My need for her intensified with each passing second of silence as she continued to stare deep into my eyes.

  “One kiss. I think we both need it.”

  I wasn’t in the right state of mind to offer an Are you sure?

  With closed eyes, she leaned in, and I took that as an invitation to slant my mouth over hers.

  When her tongue slid along my lower lip and slipped into my mouth, I couldn’t stop myself. I spun her around and lifted her onto the marble right where I wanted her without losing hold of her mouth.

  She secured her hands behind my neck, and the feel of her nails biting into my skin ramped up my desire. I palmed her breasts, the fullness of her tits, even through the material of her shirt, was enough to release a growl from deep within my chest.

  I desperately wanted to slide my hand beneath her top, but I knew she wasn’t ready, so instead, I pinched her nipple through the thin material of her shirt and sports bra. She gasped, pulling away for only a second before scooting her body closer to mine, her legs tightening around my hips.

  I was going to be so late for this meeting. Screw supply chain logistics or whatever the bloody hell the meeting was about.

  Alessia was kissing me. Letting me touch her. And I wouldn’t dare leave this spot until she asked me to.

  She released her hold from around my neck and reached out. “I’m not supposed to be doing this, but I want you so much,” she cried once the zipper was down.

  She cupped my balls in her hand, then dragged her warm palm to my cock, but I couldn’t shake her words. Her self-warning. “Not supposed to?”
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  It took all my effort, but I removed her hand from my trousers and stepped back, tearing both hands through my hair. Frustrated at myself for stopping this, but I needed to understand her words, to know if she was in the right state for anything to be happening between us.

  She remained perched on the counter, her chest lifting and falling with deep breaths. “I, um . . .” Her sneakers hit the floor a minute later, and I backed up and fixed my zipper. “This is why it’s hard to be near you. I want you so much that it hurts, and I can’t keep fighting how I feel.” She shook her head, her eyes glistening.

  “But it’s what you want, right? You want to wait?”

  “I don’t want to.”

  I swallowed. “But you need to?”

  She nodded, her lips a tight line as if worried she’d betray the decision she’d made on waiting to be together.

  “And I’ll respect that.” My hands dipped into my trouser pockets, my way of keeping from tugging her into my arms. “I should get to the office, then.”

  “Maybe one more kiss?”

  And before I knew it, my hands were on her hips. Her breasts smashed to my chest. My tie loose around my neck. Our tongues battling. Groans slipping free from the both of us.

  “One of us needs to go,” she said between kisses. “I hate this,” she added, doing the opposite, pulling herself closer.

  I brushed my hands along the edges of her torso as she fisted my hair, then nipped at my bottom lip.

  “Cole,” she cried as I squeezed her arse cheek a bit harder than I’d meant to, but then she gasped, “Harder,” and I nearly died right there.

  She was panting. I was pretty sure I was, too.

  Her back went to the counter, and my palm to the cabinet over her shoulder. I pushed into her as she ground her pussy against my cock while rotating her hips.

  “What are we doing?” she asked, slightly out of breath.

  “Acting like teenagers,” I said against her ear, a laugh bubbling in the back of my throat.