Vivid

by Jessica Wilde

  "I was there for my brothers and that was it. Not for the money, not for the pride." I shook my head and spoke the truth. "I was there for the man at my side. The one with his loaded gun ready to fire to protect me. I was there to protect him."

  I remembered that day so clearly. The day I knew I finally found the right reasons for being there.

  Grace waited. I didn't know what she was doing with her hands and I couldn't see her face, but she was listening to every word that left my mouth, like she always did. That's what made me keep going.

  "So, I opened the door to my CHU – the box I called home – and I prepared myself to hate another day, but to live it because Ryan depended on me to live it. They all depended on me to live it just like I depended on them, running on empty or not." Deep breath in and out. "Then I looked down, and I saw this flower."

  I paused, searching for the right words and seeing that marvel in my mind. As soon as I did, I felt the heat. That dry desert sun and the breeze that only made it worse. I felt the sand that was stuck between my fingers and toes. Not the smooth, cool sand at a beach. Not that. This was the kind that felt like dusted chalk. Lifeless. Stuck to everything until the color beneath it was lost.

  "It was just a weed. Something that only grows in the dry and blistering heat of the desert, in the dust and sand. And this flower ... it was the first color I'd seen in months other than brown. I can still see it in my mind so perfectly. White. So white that it was the very absence of color, but to me, it was vivid.

  "The leaves were covered in dust, until you couldn't even see the green and this flower, it was just there. Surrounded by nothing."

  It was a fucking miracle.

  I grinned. "And I thought, that's what it's all about. Finding the beauty in the ugly, the good in the bad, the light in the dark. This one tiny thing; it was for me. It was a reminder that life doesn't have to be clean and perfect to be beautiful."

  I closed my eyes and the image locked in. That small, insignificant flower held my world on its petals. A fragile world on a delicate surface.

  "I left the base that day and when I came back, it was gone. Shriveled up and already dead. Even something meant to grow in the worst of conditions, couldn't survive a life there. Because the life we get is precious. There one second and gone the next. But that flower – that flawless white flower – was the only thing I could see in the dust." I swallowed past the thick lump that had formed in my throat and pressed on. "Life should be that way. Somehow, I forgot what that meant to me."

  Grace had no idea how close I came to forgetting completely. A man can only take so much before that life gets the best of him. I didn't want to be saved, but she'd done it before I could blink. She'd cared about me enough to be a light in my dark, brittle world.

  I leaned back on the couch and turned my face to the ceiling. "I've been through hell, seen shit you could only dream of in your nightmares, and I've gone up against men three times my size. You'd think I would be prepared for anything, but I'm not. I'm still scared of the dark and the monsters that lurk there." I took a deep breath and forced myself to say the words I truly felt. "You're the only light I can see, Grace, and for a man who still feels the need to hide under his blankets at night, you're a fucking miracle."

  Grace was holding her breath. I could tell from the complete silence beside me. I hesitantly reached over and fumbled around to find her hand again. When I had my fingers wrapped around hers, I pulled them up to my lips again, almost desperate for the feel of her.

  "You asked me, why you," I muttered against her skin.

  She tensed and exhaled.

  "It's you because, I may be broken and damaged, but with you, I've never felt more complete."

  To my disappointment, she pulled her hand away, but the panic was short-lived. She cupped my cheek, turning my face toward hers. For the millionth time, I wished that her face would appear in front of my eyes. Just once.

  "Merrick. You're not broken. A little scratched up, maybe," she pointed out. "But sometimes, scratches make things beautiful."

  I grasped her small hand in mine and turned my head to kiss her palm. She whimpered when I pulled my lips away, the sound sending lightning through my veins.

  With a weak tug, she pulled my hands forward, guiding them closer until I was cupping her face.

  "Do you still want to see me?"

  "More than anything," I confessed.

  Her skin was so soft, like velvet or silk. I was scared that if I wasn't gentle enough, I would hurt her. My fingers weren't as rough as they used to be, but they weren't worthy of touching her beautiful skin.

  Didn't stop me.

  I drifted over her cheeks, her jaw, her chin, feeling every feature and painting that perfect picture my eyes strained to see so desperately. I wanted to touch her lips, but I'd save those for last. They'd take the breath right out of me, no doubt.

  Shifting forward, I combed my fingers through her hair and discovered it was longer than I pictured in my mind. The strands slid between my fingers like silk; exquisite.

  She took a shaky breath.

  "Is this okay?" I asked, my voice rough.

  "Yes," she whispered back.

  With trembling hands, I slid my fingers over her ears, registering the feel of a piercing in the cartilage at the top of her left ear. God, I loved that. For some reason, that piercing was so sexy to me.

  I glided my fingers down her jaw once more and pressed my thumbs inward until I touched her nose. It was so petite. Smirking, I lightly tapped the end of it. "You were right. This nose is small, but it sure is straight."

  She giggled, letting out a harsh breath. "Am I what you imagined?"

  I moved my thumb between her eyebrows and felt the soft worry lines on her forehead. "Better, Grace. So much better and that's saying something. You're beautiful."

  Her cheeks moved under my hands. A smile.

  I couldn't resist. I had to know what that smile looked like, what it felt like. I dropped my hands until the tips of my fingers found those full, soft lips. Her smile pulled back in, but I couldn't bring myself to be disappointed.

  There would be many more opportunities to make her smile and I sure as hell would take every single one of them.

  I tugged on her bottom lip with my thumb, the urge to taste that lip, stronger than ever before. Her breath slid over my fingers while I memorized the feel of it.

  "I want to kiss you."

  I held my breath, waiting for her permission and not caring if I got it. After all this time, nothing was going to stop me from tasting Grace. Just one little taste of her. That's all. I needed it more than I needed that breath.

  "Yes," she sighed.

  I didn't pause, I didn't even think. I leaned in, slow and steady, hoping I wouldn't miss and knowing I just didn't care anymore. Our noses touched and I wondered if her eyes were closed.

  It was in that moment, just before our lips touched, that I knew without a doubt in my mind I would do anything for her. I would be anyone for her. But I didn't have to, because she already accepted me the way I was.

  Her lips finally pressed against mine and heat exploded inside me. For the first time ever, it wasn't just a kiss.

  It was everything.

  Everything my wrecked soul could possibly ask for.

  I held her face between my hands, keeping her right where I wanted her as I deepened the kiss. Those lips parted, inviting me in, and I finally got to taste her.

  Cookies. How did someone taste like cookies?

  A low moan left her mouth when her tongue tangled with mine. I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her closer, locking my lips with hers and snaking my arms around her waist.

  She buried her hands in my hair, holding me against her, taking the kiss to a completely new level. Slow and steady. I felt her every movement, heard every breath that escaped her. The slower the kiss, the faster my heart beat against my chest.

  "Merrick ..."

  Hearing my name leave her mouth was like listeni
ng to her sing. What surrounded us, just disappeared.

  "We need to slow down, Merrick."

  God, I didn't want to. I wanted to lay her out in front of me and explore every soft inch of her. But the man I wanted to be for her, wouldn't let me. So I slowly pulled away, keeping her close.

  "Okay," I breathed.

  She leaned in to press her lips to mine again, holding my face between her hands. "That was ..."

  "Yeah."

  "I never ..."

  "Yeah."

  Those were the last words spoken for a good hour. I leaned back on the couch and Grace planted herself in my arms with her head on my shoulder. Counting the number of times I kissed her forehead or her hair, was impossible.

  She didn't complain and I didn't question her need to slow things down. I'd give her whatever she needed at whatever pace she needed it. As long as I could stay right there beside her.

  It was peace. Plain and simple.

  "It's getting late," she said with a sleepy sigh.

  "It is."

  "I wouldn't mind staying here all night, Merrick, but I have to work early tomorrow," she informed me, a smile in her tired voice.

  I chuckled. "Well, we can't have you showing up late to work, can we?"

  Her head shook back and forth against my shoulder, bouncing with silent laughter.

  "Would you mind helping me to the door?"

  Her head lifted as she pushed up to stand. "Of course."

  I stumbled to the door on my crutches, the stiffness in my injured leg making it more of an effort than usual.

  "I'll be at the house when you get back from your appointment."

  That's right. I had to meet with Dr. Samuelson, bright and early. If only the reason was for Grace instead of my eyes.

  She opened the door. I reached out and found her hip, tugging her against me. My leg wasn't the only part of my body that was stiff. Feeling Grace pressed against me was almost as good as kissing her.

  She lifted onto her toes and kissed me. Hard. Passionate. I almost tossed my crutches aside to push her against the first wall we stumbled into, but as quickly as it started, she pulled away.

  "Goodnight, Merrick."

  "Goodnight, Grace."

  I left that house with the taste of her still on my lips and the hope of more.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Grace

  I was in so much trouble.

  If Merrick could kiss like that, what else could he do?

  Sleep was out of the question, but I still rose the next day, feeling refreshed and – for lack of a better word – giddy. Merrick Thatcher had kissed me like a starving man. If I hadn't experienced it myself, I never would have believed it.

  I wandered around the house for a while after Mom and Dad left for work. They got back really late after Merrick had gone home, fortunately. My unusually cheery behavior sent Mom's spidey senses into a frenzy, but Dad seemed really preoccupied. Neither one of them asked.

  I threw in some laundry while I waited for Merrick to get home from his appointment. It felt like high school all over again. Me, constantly checking outside while I waited for a car to pull into his driveway, just to get a glimpse of him. This time was different, though. This time, Merrick actually knew I was there.

  My phone rang and his name popped up on the screen. My stomach fluttered as I answered. "How did it go?"

  He chuckled, that deep sound resonating through the phone. "Good morning, Grace."

  And when the man said my name ...

  "Good morning," I replied breathlessly. "How did it go?"

  "Your dad is thorough. He should have been a private investigator."

  I could only imagine. He cared about Merrick almost as much as he cared about me. "Well, why wouldn't he be thorough? You are a friend of the family."

  "Hmm, I guess I am."

  "So? Everything is normal?"

  "That depends on your definition of normal. I still can't see." He sighed and cleared his throat. "I'll tell you everything when I get back. Mom wants me to come with her to get some supplies, so we'll be another thirty minutes or so."

  "Sounds good."

  "Will you be there when I get back?"

  He asked the question as if he didn't already know the answer. He was just as unsure as I was about this new thing between us. "You know I will," I said, a beaming smile stretching my lips.

  "Good. See you soon."

  I spent the next forty-five minutes trying to keep my mind on anything else but Merrick. It was impossible. The things he said to me the night before, what he went through; it all seemed surreal. I couldn't imagine living that. Feeling like every day could be your last. No wonder he struggled so much to control his anger. It's not simple to go from one extreme to another.

  And to be told that I made a difference for him. Well, what woman doesn't want to hear that? I just hoped it was the right difference.

  My phone rang again. This time, Keara's name flashed across the screen. "Barbeque on Sunday. My place. You're bringing Merrick."

  "Well, good morning to you, too, Keara."

  "Yeah, yeah. Good morning, yada yada. Will you bring him or not?"

  "Umm. I think so."

  "You think so?"

  "I'll ask him."

  "Okay, good. Then what's with the hesitation?"

  "Well ..."

  Would he even want to come with me? Leaving the house earlier that week was one thing, but spending time with other people seemed to be a stretch.

  Keara gasped and I squeezed my eyes shut. She knew.

  "You tell me what's going on, right this minute, sister. Is there a new development? Did something happen between you two?" She spoke so fast, I could barely keep up.

  "What makes you think something happened?" I asked, innocently.

  "Don't give me that. I know you too well, Grace Samuelson. When you have a secret, you get all nervous and your voice changes to this high-pitched I'm-so-innocent-it's-sad tone. Now, spill it."

  I drew in a long breath, but my ears perked at the sound of a car pulling in next door. "I need to go, but I'll tell you this. Merrick is a much better kisser than we ever dreamed of."

  Keara gasped again. "Are you ... did he ..."

  "I have to go. I'll call you later and I'll ask Merrick if he wants to come to the barbeque."

  "Wait!"

  "Bye."

  I hung up and shoved my phone in my purse. She was going to kill me.

  Walking outside, I saw Emma carrying groceries into the house. I picked up the last of them from the back seat of her car and hauled them inside. When I reached the kitchen, Merrick was sitting at the counter with a grin on his face.

  "Thank you, Grace," Emma said, taking the bags from my hands.

  "No problem. That's the last of it."

  "Good. This boy seems to be in one of his ravenous moods. You'll have to make sure you make a little extra for dinner tonight in case he wants a late snack."

  "Got it."

  Merrick shook his head. "I'm right here. You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here."

  "I'm not, sweetheart," Emma said sweetly. "I just know anytime I talk to you about these things, you aren't paying attention."

  "I pay attention," Merrick argued.

  "Not when Grace is in the room."

  I felt heat rise in my cheeks as Merrick shrugged. "She's distracting."

  "Mmhmm, I'm sure she is."

  I wanted the floor to swallow me up. Did he tell his mom? I'd probably lose this job if she found out.

  "I'll let you two finish up," Emma said and grabbed her purse off the counter. "I've got to get to the hospital and finish these interviews."

  She kissed Merrick on the cheek and said her goodbyes. The second the front door shut, Merrick was out of his chair, balancing on one crutch.

  "Get over here," he said, that gruff voice sending shivers down my spine.

  I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from going to him if I wanted to. The pull between us was just
too strong.

  I walked toward him, his outstretched hand waiting for me. When I finally put my hand in his, he pulled me against him. He moved his crutch to lean against the counter, and when that other hand cupped my chin, I found it difficult to swallow.

  Those blue eyes of his looked like they were seeing right through me. His lips curled up into a smirk when he heard my breath catch.

  "I've been waiting for this for hours," he whispered, the crushed his mouth to mine.

  This kiss didn't even compare to the night before. It was so much more. I felt it in my toes and fingertips. Merrick consumed me with his kiss, tangling his tongue with mine and keeping me right where he wanted me.

  When both of us needed a breath, he pulled back, resting his forehead against mine.

  "I can't stop thinking about you."

  "Same here," I panted.

  "Is it wrong that I just want to kiss you all day?"

  This made me giggle. "No, because I want the same thing. But we can't. You have therapy to do and you have to tell me what happened this morning. Did you tell my dad about the fever?"

  He nodded, tugging on my bottom lip with his thumb. It was so natural to let him. "I did. But I honestly wouldn't have had to with Mom there. She was all over it."

  "Good," I said, spreading my fingers over his chest. "You can't ignore anything."

  He lifted his hand to my hair and combed his fingers through it, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I know, baby. I won't."

  There's no explaining how it felt to be called that. I melted right there. If I didn't get this day going soon, I'd end up doing exactly what he wanted. What we both wanted.

  "Come on," I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him with me.

  He left his crutch by the counter and limped along beside me. He was putting more weight on his leg and the improvement was remarkable. I was anxious to see what his doctor would say.

  "Please tell me you're taking me to my bed," he pleaded.

  I smiled. "I am. But it's only so we can get your therapy over with today."

  He groaned, but stayed with me, entwining his fingers with mine. Holding hands wasn't supposed to be so exciting, but it was with Merrick. His capable hands had held weapons and fought enemies. To feel that kind of power wrapped around me was marvelous.