Vivid

by Jessica Wilde

  "It was just another day."

  Mom and Dad didn't even know. I'd never been capable of telling anyone. So, when it all came to the surface, there was no way to hold it back. Not when it had been eating at me every single day.

  "The trip usually took a couple hours depending on what we ran into. I was in the passenger seat as commander, Eric was driving, and Ryan was gunner. Just like always. Darius was talking about some chick that started writing him a couple months before, and the rest of us were just laughing along. As if that was the only worry we had."

  It was the first red flag I should have seen. If you get too relaxed, shit happens. Every. Single. Time.

  "Eric hit the brakes, hard, and we all shut our mouths. It was Darius who asked what the hell was going on because it wasn't an expected stop. I called in to the rest of the convoy to hold until we straightened it out. And Eric." Deep breath in. "He just looked at me. No words. I remember his skin was so pale, even more than normal, like he'd seen a ghost. I'll never forget what that kind of fear looks like. He'd seen it before the rest of us even had a chance. He always saw trouble first, that's why he was the driver."

  Grace's fingers came back to my hair and I shut my eyes, the soothing touch helping me ground myself. My voice felt like sandpaper, every breath taking a massive effort.

  "Everything happened so damn fast, Grace. I saw the fear on Eric's face a split second before that reflection shined in my eyes and I knew. It was a signal. I didn't even get a full breath in before the impact."

  "What was it?" Grace asked softly.

  "An EFP. Explosively Formed Projectile. It's just an inverted copper plate in a fucking can, with explosives. The design is what makes it so deadly. A molten kinetic missile. It hit the driver's side perfectly and Eric was just ... gone. That thing burned through everything. I thought I was dead. No way I survived that giant, fiery hole in the front of an armored vehicle. But I did and I felt the burning more than the damage to my side." I dropped a hand down to my ribs, remembering the burn spreading over my skin. "I didn't even know my leg was broken, not until I found Ryan hanging over the side of the MRAP. By then, the adrenaline was flowing so fast, I could have been hit again and never have felt a thing.

  "I dragged Ryan for fifty feet with my broken hand. I had to shove my fingers under his vest and use whatever strength I had left in my arm. They'd already started firing. Every hit against my vest knocked me down. But I had to get Ryan out of there. It was the only thought I could process. 'He's gotta see his daughter'."

  I remembered the pain finally registering the second we collapsed behind the second truck. Once I was down, there was no getting back up. I tried and maybe that's what frustrates me most. I tried, but I couldn't. The dust in the air from bullets hitting the earth all around us, the heat from the flames, the screams; I wanted to fix it. But I couldn't.

  "I planned to go back for Darius, but he was already gone and the MRAP lit up like the Fourth of July," I explained to her, my voice strained, re-living the despair I'd felt in that moment.

  Grace breathed with me, rubbing my shoulders once more to release the tension that overwhelmed me. Her fingers never left me.

  "You wouldn't think there's a sound when metal melts, but there is. It's a sizzle at first, then a loud groaning screech, like a giant just reached down and slowly crushed everything with his fingers. Then it all collapses in on itself. I heard the roar of flames mixed with the medevac lines being called out. I heard them so clearly and saw the panic on some of the faces around me and I knew. There was a chance we weren't going to be saved."

  "You could still see at that point?"

  I nodded. "The last thing I saw was the fire and Ryan, bloody and unconscious. Then it all went dark. I saw just enough to feel the end coming. Just enough to feel how useless I was."

  "Merrick."

  "I know. I know it's wrong, but it's the truth."

  She slid down the bed until the warm puffs of her breath touched my cheek. Cupping my face, she kissed me, soft and slow. It didn't come close to the passionate kisses we shared before falling asleep, but it was just as powerful.

  "It's okay, Merrick. It's okay to feel weak and vulnerable sometimes."

  I started to shake my head, but she kissed me again and took my mind somewhere else.

  "It makes us stronger," she declared, pressing her forehead to mine. "It prepares us for what's coming."

  "And what's coming?"

  "More. But we don't let it break us completely. We fight through it, even when we feel the end. We cry and scream and get angry, but we don't give up."

  I swallowed, feeling a warmth rise up in my chest as she spoke. "How did I not see you before, Grace?"

  Instead of answering, she kissed me again, but it was me that took over. I didn't want an answer and I didn't want to talk anymore. I just wanted her.

  I traced her lips with my tongue, urging her to open for me, and she did. She arched her back, pressing her warm, soft body against mine. I rolled on top of her, balancing on my elbows so I wouldn't crush her and pressing my knee between her legs. It hurt, but I didn't care. It was worth the pain.

  I slid my hand down her side, over her hip to the back of her thigh, lifting her leg to wrap around my hip. Grace whimpered and started to rock back and forth, pressing harder against my knee. I broke away from her lips with a groan and kissed my way down to her neck, burying my face there as I tasted her. She continued to move against my knee, her breaths quicker the closer she came to release.

  It was the sexiest thing I ever experienced; Grace using me to pleasure herself. I wanted more.

  Moving my hand back up over her ass, I grinded my hips against her. I wanted inside that tight body, but she was too far gone and I didn't want to stop. She was close. No way I'd take that away from her.

  She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, moving faster. The uninhibited moan that left her mouth, made me dizzy with arousal. I was hard as steel and pressed against her stomach. How long had it been for me? Too long. I wasn't going to last.

  I kept my knee right where she wanted it and lifted onto my arms. I wanted to watch her, to see her come on my leg. I wanted to see if her face flushed scarlet and what her lips looked like when she cried out. But I couldn't. Not with my eyes.

  So, I slowly moved my hand up her body, cupping her breast briefly to feel it fill my hand. Perfect. When I found my way to her neck, I wrapped my fingers around her, feeling her raspy breaths pull in and out.

  "Merrick," she whispered. "I'm going to–"

  "I want to feel it, Grace." I pushed my knee forward a little more, her breath catching as her hips lifted.

  "Yes."

  I glided my fingers, as gently as I could, up her neck, over her chin, finding her lips. Her hot breath fanned my fingers, and her lips opened wider as I traced them. I pressed my knee forward even more and her hands gripped the back of my shirt when she cried out.

  That soft skin heated against my fingers and I couldn't stop my grin. I closed my eyes and pictured her cheeks, a dusty rose color. They had to be. Every muscle in her body tightened, then released, wave after wave making her gasp.

  A growl rippled up my chest when she came, electricity slithered up my spine. I couldn't stop it, didn't want to. I came hard, collapsing on top of Grace once it was over.

  Her arms wrapped around my shoulders as she breathed with me, taking my weight. I finally shifted to the side and buried my face in her neck, inhaling that sweet scent of her, now mixed with mine.

  We laid there for a long time. Fully clothed, quiet, and unmoving.

  Safe.

  ***

  "They're here!"

  I heard the voice, loud and clear, as we passed through the gate at Keara's house on Sunday afternoon. I held Grace's hand as she quietly guided me across the grass. No crutches today. Almost six weeks on them was enough for me. I was still limping, but the pain was minimal. A cool autumn breeze slid over me and the smell of grilled meat reached my nose.
r />   The last barbeque I'd been to was in Iraq, with the smoldering desert sun beating down on me. The meat was overcooked and the only sides available at the time were beans and canned potatoes. Enjoying an afternoon like that didn't come easy. Not when all of our ears were listening for that crackling whistle from an incoming mortar.

  Obviously, a barbeque in a friend's backyard, smack dab in the middle of Morgan, Utah, would be a lot nicer. Peaceful.

  So, I tried to relax. Ignoring the misplaced worry that a part of me just didn't want to release. The part that waited for the peace to be taken away. Any minute now.

  "Breathe," Grace whispered, pressing closer to my side.

  She understood now. All those emotions and frustrations I experienced whenever we left the house, were very near the surface. Sometimes they were impossible to hold back.

  "Welcome, Merrick," a male voice greeted.

  Grace stopped, but kept her hand in mine. It was frustrating, not being able to get a good look at the people in that backyard, but I trusted Grace.

  This wasn't the desert. These weren't enemies.

  "Merrick, this is Josh and Keara," Grace chimed, squeezing my fingers.

  I held out my other hand and waited for someone to take it. "Nice to finally meet you. I remember you, back in the day, Josh." A firm grip slowly bobbed my hand up and down.

  "So glad you're here," Josh said before releasing the handshake. "It's been a long time."

  I dropped my arm, but it was snatched up by a tiny hand and tugged forward.

  "Oh my God. I can't believe Merrick Thatcher is at my house."

  Keara. No doubt.

  "Hey now," Josh grumbled.

  "It's fine, sweetie. He's taken anyway," Keara giggled, holding my hand a little longer than what was considered normal.

  "She's impossible," Josh mumbled when Keara finally released me.

  Grace pressed closer to my side and I lifted my arm to wrap it around her shoulders. She slid right into place and wrapped her arm around my waist. "I am taken, but it's nice to finally meet you, Keara." I stated.

  "Good. Don't be a dick and we'll get along just swimmingly."

  My laugh came so suddenly, reaching deep in my gut. No wonder Grace loved her friend so much. She was very entertaining.

  "I promise to not be a dick," I smiled, winking awkwardly since I had no idea if my eyes were even pointed at her.

  She hummed another giggle anyway. "Then have a seat. The burgers are almost ready."

  "Thanks, Keara," I nodded.

  Her sigh held a hint of awe. "Merrick Thatcher."

  I guess Grace was telling the truth when she told me about her and Keara having a crush on me so many years ago. I smiled, giving her the one that made Grace hold her breath. Keara didn't disappoint.

  "Okay, Casanova, come sit with me," Grace chuckled, pulling me to the side and helping me into a chair.

  Once I was settled in, I felt like I could focus on everything else. Grace introduced me to Gary and Christie, then Michael and Jen. All of them said they were excited to finally meet me and they were glad to see me doing well.

  It was surprising.

  I expected more hesitation than I got, especially when I knew damn well my scars weren't pretty. They had to have questions, but all of them seemed to want to know about me, not what happened.

  At last, I was able to completely relax by the time we started eating. The conversation turned to the Colson brothers and what they had all been up to. Grace and the other women talked about wedding shit while Josh told me about his training to be a paramedic.

  He told me he knew a few medics who served in Iraq at the same time as me. Turns out, the world is a lot smaller than I imagined.

  Two of the men on the same convoy, were good friends of his. They returned home recently and, instead of the anxiousness I usually felt thinking about that day, it was pride. Pride in the men that fought with me and honor to have served beside them.

  That was a new one. Something I figured I lost when I came home injured.

  "We'll have to get together with them sometime whenever you're up for it," Josh suggested.

  "Sounds good," I replied, genuinely.

  Grace's hand landed on my thigh and I sat up straighter. She hadn't left my side the whole afternoon, and every brush of her arm or touch of her hand sent my blood racing.

  After that moment in my room, I couldn't keep my hands off of her. We didn't discuss what happened and we didn't need to. No awkwardness followed and, if anything, it only made me want her more.

  "So, Merrick," Keara remarked. "What are you going to do when you're healed up?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, do you need to finish up some schooling? Or are you going to find a job at the base?"

  I'd never even thought about that. Grace and I had talked about what we wanted, but the biggest thing was whether or not I wanted to travel or master Braille.

  The job I had before my deployment was no longer an option. Hell, a lot of jobs were no longer an option. It was just another thing I'd given up on without even thinking about it.

  "I have no idea," I said, a little hesitantly.

  "Well, I'm sure they've got jobs at the base you can do."

  "I don't know."

  "Why not?"

  Grace's hand moved to mine. "Have you thought about what you're going to do?"

  I shook my head. "Being blind has its drawbacks."

  "I get it," Grace smiled. "Doesn't mean it has to stop you."

  I pondered that conversation the rest of the day. Was it possible to get a job and somehow provide for myself? Taking one day at a time, didn't really leave a lot of room for planning. Plus, I'd accepted that whatever future I could give to Grace, it wouldn't be extravagant, but I'd make up for it by being the kind of man she could be proud of. Any way I could.

  Maybe I didn't have to just accept it. Maybe I was wrong.

  Just maybe, I could embrace it.

  ***

  "You've been quiet," Grace declared as we pulled into the driveway later that evening. "Did I say something wrong?"

  "No, not at all," I reassured her. "If anything, you and Keara made me think."

  "About what?" She turned the ignition off and waited.

  "About what the future holds. I never thought about a job or what I could still do. It just wasn't a possibility."

  "And?"

  I sighed, reaching across the console to find her hand. "And I'm looking forward to it."

  I knew she was smiling, but she lifted my hand to her face anyway. I felt her lips stretching up, then she kissed my fingers. "Good."

  We made our way inside my house, and the sexual tension I'd felt all day, came to a head. We were alone and I was suddenly eager to have a repeat of Friday.

  I am a man after all.

  Grace shut the front door behind us and I stopped fighting it. I could hear her surprise when I backed her up against the door. Her hands lifted to my chest, her breath whooshing out when I stepped closer and roughly pressed our bodies together. I felt her hands come around my neck as I leaned in to kiss her.

  She curled her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer as our lips moved together. I pressed my hands into the cold wood at either side of her head and deepened the kiss. She arched her back, pressing into me like she always did, setting my skin on fire.

  "Fuck, Grace. I want you so bad right now."

  Her whimper slid against my lips, then she threw her head back as I licked and nipped at the soft skin of her neck. I could stay there forever, tasting Grace while she was wrapped around me. I snaked my arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground, feeling a twinge in my leg and not caring in the slightest.

  "Merrick, wait."

  Her breathless voice barely registered in my mind, but I found the strength to stop. "What is it?"

  "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

  "Believe me, it's worth the pain," I growled and dove in for another taste of her neck, making a path dow
n to her exposed collar bone.

  "Oh, God."

  "You can call me Merrick," I mumbled, biting gently at her skin.

  She let out a breathy laugh and pulled away as much as she could with the door pressed against her back. "Merrick, we can't."

  I sighed, setting her feet on the floor and giving her neck one last kiss. "I forget the reason," I admitted.

  "I'm still your nurse and even though I wasn't on duty today, I don't want to risk–"

  "Got it. I understand," I cut in. "So, you're fired."

  "Excuse me?"

  "I just fired you."

  "You can't– "

  "Oh, I think I can."

  "Merrick."

  "Grace."

  She made a frustrated sound which only made me smile. She was so damn sexy when she was aggravated and there was even a tiny stomp from her foot.

  I pressed my forehead to hers, kissing the tip of her nose.

  "I'll call the hospital tomorrow morning and ask for an official release," she said.

  I couldn't resist. "I can give you an official release right here and it will only take a few minutes."

  She laughed, throwing her head back enough for me to dive back in for more. She loved when I kissed her neck. I couldn't get enough of it.

  "Please, Merrick."

  I shifted on my feet and adjusted my pants. "Okay. I'll stop, but it's causing me a lot of pain."

  "Where?" she asked, looking down at my leg.

  "Not there. And not the bad kind of pain either." I stuck my bottom lip out in a playful pout and she pulled it between her lips and bit down. She knew exactly what that was doing to me, but before I could do anything about it, she pressed her hands against my chest and gently pushed me away.

  "Goodnight, Merrick," she said breathlessly. Then she was gone; out the door before I could make the switch from one brain to the other.

  I raked my fingers through my hair and painfully walked to my room a few minutes later.

  What hit me then, wasn't sexual frustration. Though, I was feeling a lot of that. And it wasn't disappointment, either, even if my hard on was feeling that.

  It was pure and utter happiness. A resolution.