Governess in Disguise: Historical Regency Romance

by Lisa Campell

  “So, you’re stuck.” Charlotte sighed. “I’m not going to say I told you so, but…”

  “You told me so. I know. And I should have listened to you.”

  Emilia should have not let her temper get the better of her. She had been looking so much for someone to blame for her father’s death that she didn’t think about everything else. Now she didn’t know how to get out of it.

  Her heart ached. She missed her father. Jonathan Hill had been a pain when it came to his gambling, but he was a loving man. He was the man Emilia looked up to. And she was only just beginning to realize that she hadn’t actually mourned him properly. There were moments when Emilia cried in private, but in the last three days her nerves being around Thomas had broken down. It resulted in Emilia bursting into tears suddenly, causing everyone to be concerned. She had tried to brush it off, but it hadn’t been easy. Everything buried inside her was coming out, and it was painful.

  This needed to stop. But Emilia didn’t know how.

  “Emilia, slow down.”

  “What, why?”

  Emilia stopped and turned to Charlotte. Her friend was staring up the slope towards the main path. Emilia looked, and her heart sank. It was Christian, walking sedately along the path twirling his cane. He looked like he was out for a walk himself.

  Emilia had barely had any contact with her uncle. There had been a few letters, but Emilia kept things brief. If Christian sent a letter in return, Charlotte would send it on with her own letters. He had no idea where she really was, although Charlotte had made Christian believe that Emilia was trying to mourn on her own and didn’t want to be disturbed.

  She couldn’t face him now. Christian was a cad and an annoyance to her, but he could tell when Emilia was upset. Emilia wasn’t good at keeping her disquiet hidden, much as she tried. And with her nerves as they were, as soon as Christian asked her what she was doing, Emilia would be spilling everything. And then Christian would be upset with her. He would force her home, maybe even tell Thomas everything. That must not happen.

  “Do you want me to talk to him, Emilia?” Charlotte asked. “I’ll distract him while you slip away.”

  “Please, Charlotte.” Emilia squeezed her friend’s hand. “Uncle Christian will know what’s happening before I’ve opened my mouth.”

  “He is owed an explanation as well, just so you’re aware.”

  “I am aware of that, but not yet.” Emilia glanced up at Christian. He was getting closer, but he hadn’t appeared to have noticed her just yet. “I need to be sure before I talk to him.”

  Charlotte didn’t look too keen on that, but she accepted it.

  “All right.” She squeezed Emilia’s hand before releasing her. “Just make sure you know what you’re doing before you do anything else.”

  “I will.”

  Emilia hurried away, stepping around a tree just as Charlotte went up onto the path. Emilia peeked around the trunk and saw her friend approached her uncle. Christian touched his hat in greeting and they started to talk. It looked like his attention was diverted.

  Thank goodness for that, Emilia didn’t want to talk to him just yet. Not until she was certain of everything herself. Both that Thomas really was innocent, and her feelings were not going to get in the way.

  “Mrs. Perry.”

  Emilia turned, wafting away the chalk dust that seemed to be hovering around her face. Lady Andrews was standing in the doorway to the schoolroom, tall and poised with a stony expression. Immediately, Emilia was on her guard. There was something about the way the older woman was looking at her that said something was very wrong.

  Gathering what she could, Emilia took a deep breath and focused on remaining calm.

  “Lady Andrews, good afternoon. Is there something wrong?”

  “I need to speak with you.” Lady Andrews’ voice was clipped. “Now. In the nursery.”

  Then she turned abruptly and left the room. It was so quick that Emilia was left swaying. Lady Andrews was normally very pleasant, not cold to the point Emilia could feel the ice across the room. Even Anna, sitting at her desk, was looking decidedly nervous.

  “What’s wrong with Grandmother, Emilia?”

  “I don’t know.” Emilia put the chalk down and dusted her hands on her skirts. “Finish the sums I’ve put on the board for you, Anna. I’ll be back shortly.”

  “All right.”

  Emilia left the room and went towards the nursery. Normally, if Lady Andrews wanted to speak to her, she wouldn’t wait in the nursery. If anything, she waited until Anna’s lessons were done. Something had upset her enough that Lady Andrews had to find her immediately.

  A slight chill did come over her. Did she know the truth? The fact she had been able to keep up the charade of an unjust widow for this long was impressive in Emilia’s eyes, but she thought things would be safe. She chose her words carefully whenever she was around anyone who wasn’t Charlotte, and that included her life as a married woman. Emilia could only guess what it was like to be married, so that had been kept vague. Had her secret been found out?

  Dear God, if Lady Andrews had found out and told her son, how was Emilia going to explain herself?

  You should be more worried about how you know your way around a man’s bedroom when you’ve never been married.

  Lady Andrews was standing by the window, staring out at the maze far below. Emilia closed the door behind her and crossed the room.

  “Yes, Lady Andrews? Is that something wrong?”

  “A lot is wrong.” Lady Andrews barely looked over her shoulder. “I know who you are.”

  Emilia stumbled, almost tripping over her dress. She stopped short.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Miss Hill.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Suddenly, the room was very cold. Emilia felt the ground opening up, and she swayed.

  “I…Lady Andrews…”

  “Don’t try to deny it, you little chit.” Lady Andrews turned and fixed Emilia with an angry scowl. “I’ve just had your uncle at my home. He told me that he’s become aware that you’re in my son’s house under an assumed name. Apparently, you were never at your friend Lady Chambers’ home whenever he went to visit. She refused to say where you were, so Mr. Christian made some enquiries.” She looked Emilia up and down. “He told me all about you, that you were looking for something to prove my son is guilty of killing your father.”

  “I…”

  Emilia thought about denying it, but she could tell that the older woman was not going to have it. Emilia swallowed and drew herself up. She needed to remain as calm as possible right now. Composure had to stay.

  “I was looking for something that proved he did kill my father.”

  “I see.” Lady Andrews’ eyes narrowed. “And what have you found?”

  “Nothing.” Emilia was honest about that. “I’m more inclined to believe that he’s innocent now.”

  Lady Andrews turned to face her and folded her hands. How could she look so angry and so composed at the same time? This woman was a real lady. Emilia had known the moment they met that Margaret Andrews was not a fool, and that she would have to tread carefully. Somehow, the older woman would have figured it out pretty quickly. To have gone this long was surprising, but now Emilia knew that she wouldn’t be able to fight her way out of the corner she had been backed into. Even if she wanted to run away.

  “It would explain all the strange questions you were asking everyone. Why you asked me if my son was ever violent. I did wonder what you were up to, if you were here on behalf of a governess who had run away from her duties. Now I know.” Lady Andrews lifted her chin, fixing her with a stern glare. “And I would like you to leave.”

  Emilia would gladly do that. She would happily leave right now. But it wasn’t that simple.

  “I’m afraid I can’t leave.”

  “Can’t?” Lady Andrews’ voice was dripping with ice. “Or won’t?”

  “Can’t. Your son won’t let me leave
. He’s told me as much already.”

  “He will let you go whether he wants you to or not. You are here under false pretences, duped me into speaking up for you in the beginning, and it’s going to hurt my son in the end. Now you should go.” Lady Andrews stepped towards her, and it was all Emilia could do not to step away from her. “Once you’ve told my son everything and apologized for causing him any extra pain by your accusations.”

  Tell Thomas everything. Emilia’s heart began to pick up the pace. She couldn’t tell him what she had been up to. He would be devastated. Both of them would end up being broken up over this.

  That’s what happened when you let your guard down for a moment. You end up falling for the man of the house, the man you believe is a killer. That’s all on you. You got yourself into this mess, so you can get yourself out of it.

  Emilia swallowed and tried to focus on speaking and not her racing heart.

  “Believe me, Lady Andrews, I would like to leave. I realize that I’m far deeper into this than I anticipated, and I can’t stay here any longer. But every time I get myself ready to leave, I find that I can’t. I…” She turned away, unable to look at the other woman. “I just can’t.”

  God, she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her completely. There was nothing to stop Lady Andrews from going to her son and telling him the truth. She had no loyalty to Emilia at all. Emilia could plead her case, but it wouldn’t work out. Lady Andrews would certainly not have any sympathy for her.

  “You’ve fallen in love with my son, haven’t you?” Lady Andrews asked stiffly.

  Emilia had planned on denying it, but she found herself nodding instead. Like the real reason she was here, she couldn’t hide it.

  “I didn’t plan to. That was not part of my intentions, Lady Andrews, believe me. It...it just happened.”

  She was aware that she was crying, a tear tickling her cheek, but Emilia didn’t swipe it away. She looked at Lady Andrews, who was suddenly looking conflicted. She had come into the room full of anger and accusations, but now the older woman seemed to be weakening herself. For a moment, Emilia thought the woman was going to come across the room and embrace her. But she kept her distance, her expression becoming pained as she shook her head.

  “When I saw how my son was around you, I was beginning to think that you might actually be the person who could make him happy.” Lady Andrews’ voice was sad. “Olivia gave him life, and she seemed to take his away when she died, leaving Thomas as a mere shell. But then you turned up, and he became a different man. The man I knew and loved before my daughter-in-law passed away. Once he finds out about you, he’s going to be completely shattered.”

  “I didn’t mean to do that, Lady Andrews.” Emilia protested weakly. “I did not come here with the intention of seducing him.”

  “I know. And I can see how much it pains you. But you can’t keep this up, and you can’t keep this from my son. You’ve got to tell him…”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  Lady Andrews scoffed. “For goodness sake, girl! You had a lot of nerve to come here under a false name and ingratiate yourself into my son’s house. If it weren’t for the circumstances that brought you here, I would have admired you for doing it. You took a lot of people in, including me, which I’m not proud about. You can gather that nerve again and tell Thomas the truth when he gets back from Drake’s.”

  Emilia didn’t want to. She knew that Thomas was not going to take the news well. But she had to. Lady Andrews was right. This was not fair on anyone, and it was only going to hurt them the longer this went on.

  “I... I’ll try.”

  Lady Andrews frowned.

  “You’ll do more than try, Miss Hill. You’ll do it. You can’t expect my son to propose to you at some time in the future and then your real identity comes out then. That would make things even worse.”

  “I’m not going to marry him, Lady Andrews!”

  “From the way my son is around you, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s proposed to you already.”

  Proposed. Emilia felt a cold shiver down her spine. God, to be married to a man like Thomas Andrews. After being in close company with Thomas - being intimate with him - Emilia could see why women like Evelyn Wilson were so enamoured with him. He was just…

  Intense. Imposing. Incredible. And she was not worthy of him.

  Lady Andrews sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

  “Very well, seeing as you’re clearly struggling. You’ve got one day. You tell him the truth before this time tomorrow, or I do it. And believe me when I say you won’t like it if I tell Thomas about your lies instead of yourself.”

  “I know.” Emilia murmured. She bit her lip. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “You did that by sneaking in here pretending to be a widow so you could get close to him. Now he’s in love with you and you’re going to break his heart.” Lady Andrews stepped around her and headed towards the door. “The sooner you do it, the sooner he can get over all this. Then he can go about mending himself after dealing with the woman he loved betraying him in what I consider the worst way possible.”

  She left the room without glancing back, closing the door behind her. That was when Emilia’s legs gave way and she collapsed, bashing her knees on the floor. She sat her, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed. Charlotte was right. This was such a mess. Emilia had known this could get complicated, but not like this. She hadn’t expected to fall in love with the man she believed had a hand in her father’s death. That was not part of the plan.

  Now it was. A different plan. One where Emilia had to try and tell him the truth and get out of there with the least amount of pain. Which she couldn’t do. That was just not possible.

  God, what had she done?

  Thomas had spent a long day at Drake’s, trying to forget what had happened. Since Emilia’s refusal to discuss anything that had happened and her obvious attempts to avoid him three days before, Thomas hadn’t been able to get his mind to settle. He kept going over everything that happened that night, wondering what he had done wrong. He had to have done something wrong, otherwise Emilia wouldn’t be avoiding him like this. But what had he done? She wouldn’t say what, and Thomas was getting a headache trying to figure it out.

  Had he said something that she had taken the wrong way? Had he done something wrong? Or had it been too much that Emilia had been scared at the intensity? All these questions whirled around inside his head, and Thomas couldn’t decide which one was more plausible.

  The best thing he could do was to give themselves some space. So, he began to spend more time at Drake’s, going over the books until he was almost cross-eyed and checking on inventory. He had daytime visitors to Drake’s, although the amount was less than at night, but there was enough that Thomas could watch over them, focus on something that wasn’t the beautiful woman back at his house. Thomas was tempted to join in the gambling himself, but he knew better. Gambling created more problems than it solved, so it was easier to stay away from it. An occasional flutter never did anyone any harm, but to use it as a substitute for his anger was not going to get him anywhere. Thomas preferred not to be stuck in debt like a lot of his clients.

  Once he couldn’t stay at Drake’s any longer - it was getting to the point that Brent was beginning to ask questions - Thomas headed home. He always tried to make sure he was back after Anna had gone to bed. Emilia often turned in shortly after or stayed in her room, so it would be easy to avoid her, for the most part.

  Thomas was exhausted when he got back to the house. He was tempted to fall straight into bed as soon as he was able, but instead of turning right to go towards his bedchamber and suite of rooms, Thomas found himself turning left. Towards the nursery, Anna’s room and Emilia’s bedchamber. He knew he shouldn’t and going to Emilia’s room at this hour was asking for trouble. But he couldn’t help it. Emilia was like a pull for him, tugging him in and not letting go. She may not have wanted that, but it was happening.r />
  Before he went to her room, however, Thomas did go to Anna’s room and put his head around the door. She was sound asleep, buried under her blankets with her head barely sticking out. Thomas could hear her snoring gently. She could be fast asleep in the middle of Drake’s on its busiest night and Anna wouldn’t wake up.

  Which was a good thing. Because now Thomas could talk to Emilia without any interruptions.

  He headed over to her door and found himself hesitating. Suddenly, he was nervous. What did he have to be nervous about?

  Aside from the fact you told her that you were in love with her and she practically ran away?

  Taking a deep breath, Thomas knocked. Silence. He knocked again. Moments later, Emilia opened the door. Thomas’ breath caught in his throat when he saw her attire. She had already undressed for bed, wearing a robe over her nightgown with her hair loose about her shoulders. She looked pale, tired. Thomas’ arms itched to reach for her and pull her into his embrace, just to simply hold her. He swallowed.