Boying Up

by Mayim Bialik

  What I am saying is this: what you do now frames your life and your attitudes. So while chocolate or vanilla tonight may not matter, you know that what you put into your body over time does matter. And while sneaking in some video game time is fine, keeping to your word and being trustworthy is incredibly important. And last Thursday’s class doesn’t matter (well, unless it was the day of an important test), but consistently choosing to miss class does matter.

  You don’t have to plan out the rest of your life today, tomorrow or next week. But it is a great idea to think about the future, because thinking about your future and talking it out with someone else is a great start to making your future whatever you want it to be.

  After High School

  Finishing high school is a huge accomplishment, and whenever you achieve an accomplishment in life, the following question is bound to come up: what next?! Here’s a chart that lays out different options, so you can see what some choices might be.

  LIFESTYLE

  One of the best exercises to do when you want to ponder the future is to think about what kind of life you see for yourself when you grow up.

  For example, do you think being a husband and a dad is in your future? Once you decide to become a dad, your life changes dramatically. Being a parent is the hardest job I’ve ever had—and it’s also the best job I’ve ever had. For most of human history, we have thought of childcare as the woman’s job, but we have come a long way since men were out hunting while women tended to the children and wove baskets. Modern relationships often involve a lot of participation by the male partner, and decisions that used to be solely up to the person giving birth are now made together.

  More and more men are choosing to be active dads, whether by staying home while the other partner works, or by being much more involved than men have traditionally been with childcare and housework. While there are certain things that only women can do (such as physically carrying a developing baby, giving birth to it and breastfeeding), men are important parts of any family, and there is no task they can’t help with! Rocking babies to sleep, preparing food, cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry are all critical parts of your life as a partner and a parent.

  Remember that once you have kids, they are yours forever, and the rest of your life pretty much revolves around planning for their needs: feeding them, clothing them, making sure they go to school and do their homework and get to soccer practice and all of the stuff your parents do for you. Being a dad is a huge responsibility, and the more you prepare, the better off you’ll be.

  THAT’S WHAT HE SAID . . .

  “Being a father is so meaningful. One of the few things you can look at evolutionarily that is most significant is the parent-child relationship and the importance of raising kids. We are built for that role and to feel its significance. I’m not a stranger to intense feelings, and I’m not aware of anything else that stimulates me as emotionally and intensely as being a father.”

  When you think about the future, where do you see yourself living? Would you like to stay in your hometown? Is being close to family an important factor in your decision about where you might live after high school? If it isn’t, what are some of the places that you can imagine moving to? Could you imagine living in another country? If you can’t imagine living in another place, do you want to have a career that allows for a lot of travel? If so, there are many jobs that involve traveling, such as working for a hotel or tour company, being a pilot or flight attendant, working in business consulting, or even working as a performer on cruises and at resorts. If travel is something you can picture yourself doing, know that there are ways to make that a part of your life.

  Even though all of these decisions seem so far off, it’s never too soon to start thinking about what you see your life looking like in just a handful of years. Letting your mind wander can sometimes be a really healthy exercise!

  COLLEGE

  While there are jobs you can get right out of high school such as in food service and retail or working in an office, many people choose to go to college because the degree you get when you go to college opens up a different pool of jobs, and it often sets you on a course to earn more money and have more experiences in the working world.

  If you aren’t ready or don’t have the grades to enter a 4-year college right away, starting at a community college is a good plan to consider. You can transfer your credits from the classes you take at a 2-year college to a 4-year one when you’re ready, or you can earn an associate of arts degree (also known as an AA). There are advantages to community college: it gives you some time to adjust to the workload of college in a smaller setting, and since many basic courses at community college are pretty much the same as at a larger college, you are able to save a lot of money by taking those classes closer to home. This means you can live at home and save the money you would have had to spend on renting an apartment or moving into a dorm.

  In a 4-year college, there are two main degrees you can get: a bachelor of arts and a bachelor of science degree, more commonly known as a “BA” and a “BS.” BA degrees are in subjects like English, history, political science or communications; these are known as the humanities. BA degrees can also be in one of the arts, such as drama, creative writing, painting, music or dance. Some people choose to get a BA degree focusing on literature in a language other than English. You can even study abroad if you want to, whether you’re studying another language or not! (Think of all the pizza and pasta you could eat if you studied in Italy!) Some schools also offer a bachelor of fine arts, or BFA, which involves spending a lot of time in a studio making art or music or theater or creative writing.

  Even though BA degrees are based on the humanities subjects, almost every college you can get a BA degree from also educates you in the basic math and science that you’ll need for general knowledge in your life and career. Most people you encounter working in a nonmedical or nonscientific field likely have BA degrees if they went to college. So whether you choose to be a preschool teacher or a manager of a clothing store or restaurant, or if you want to work in a lawyer’s office or work for a website, a BA is a great start.

  BS degrees are in the sciences, such as biology, chemistry, physics, engineering and, my personal favorite, neuroscience. Many people with BS degrees go on to medical or dental school so that they can be doctors or dentists. I went to graduate school to get a PhD in neuroscience after getting my BS degree, and people with PhDs typically teach in colleges and universities and, if those degrees are in the sciences, do medical research.

  MORE COLLEGE?!

  Some people enter the workforce armed with their BA or BS degree after their undergraduate degree is completed. Others pursue more schooling to get a more advanced degree. People who want to get more education and a higher degree have to go to some sort of graduate school to get that degree. Graduate school is basically college after college, but with smaller, more specialized classes. And even though college after college sounds like way too much school, here are some things to know about the kinds of degrees you can get if you go to graduate school, and what you can do with them.

  Master’s degree: A master’s degree is a degree you get with 1 or 2 more years of school after your BA or BS. It gives you more specialized knowledge about a certain topic, which you are tested on at the end of the program. Sometimes you write a big paper on your topic of study when you’re done. Many people who are teachers have master’s degrees in education—and other people in schools, such as social workers, guidance counselors, speech therapists and physical therapists probably have them, too.

  Law school: Law school is the graduate school you go to after you get your BA or BS degree if you want to become a lawyer or a judge. Many people who work in politics obtain this degree, too. Law school is typically 3 years, and lawyers and judges work in courts, but they also do a lot in offices.

  PhD program: Getting a PhD (or
doctor of philosophy degree) involves doing research on a subject that has never been done before. This research can be on pretty much any subject you can think of, and these programs take anywhere from 3 to 7 years. For my PhD, I studied obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is a disorder where people focus on certain things and have a hard time breaking out of the cycle of focusing on those things. I worked with people with developmental delays and special needs. I studied for a long time to get my degree, and I learned how to be a teacher and how to do research, and I wrote a really long paper when I was done called a dissertation—mine was over 300 pages! PhD students often go on to be professors at universities or work for companies that need the specific knowledge they have. It is very exciting and rewarding to be a part of research that can change people’s lives through the discoveries you might make. And you get to be called Doctor, too, which is kind of neat!

  Medical school: Medical school is the path to becoming a medical doctor, or MD. Medical school takes 4 years, and after that, you typically spend more time to get specialized training for the area of medicine you plan to practice.

  Dental school: Dental school is similar to medical school in terms of how long it takes to finish, and in the end, you have a dental degree that lets you take care of people’s teeth.

  NO COLLEGE?

  Some people decide not to go to college, and that is also totally fine. If you don’t go to college after high school, what can you do? Well, some people go to trade schools to learn specific skills. Trade schools train you to have specialized jobs—like being an electrician, a plumber, a welder or even a chef. When you go to a trade school, you can start as an apprentice until you have the skills to work on your own. You can start earning money sooner than if you went to college, but your job choices are going to be different.

  Some people choose to join the military, often because the military pays for your education and you pay that debt back to the country in active service or in the reserves. Other people join the military because they feel it’s their patriotic duty or because there’s a long tradition in their family of being part of the military world. The decision to join the military is a huge one, and you should speak to your family if you are considering such a life-changing act. It is a brave and courageous decision to serve your country this way, but it is not without risks. You’ll need your parents’ permission if you decide to enlist before you turn 18, so make sure to open up a conversation as soon as you can to start thinking more about the impact it could have on you and your family.

  Men Who Matter

  Frederick Douglass was born a slave in Maryland around 1818. He never knew who his father was, but it was likely the owner of the plantation where he was a slave. He was separated from his mother as a young child and was taught to read and write by the wife of the slave owner he was sent to serve. He escaped from slavery after several failed attempts and went on to be one of the primary leaders of the abolitionist movement, helping to single-handedly change the perception white people had of African Americans and change the way slaves saw themselves. Douglass was a gifted speaker and held several public offices. He wrote many autobiographies detailing his life as a slave and then as a free man. He is known as the most influential African American of the 19th century.

  The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., was an American Baptist minister and activist who was the most important leader of the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s. He used nonviolent protest to gain rights for black people based on the model of Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi. Dr. King devoted his life to speaking, protesting and leading a movement that transformed the landscape of America and the world. His “I Have a Dream” speech is one of the most important in modern times, as it calls on Americans to dream of a time when no one will be judged by the color of their skin but rather by the content of their character. He received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964 and was tragically assassinated in 1968.

  The Dalai Lama is the 14th leader to hold that title. He was born with the name Lhamo Thondup in 1935 in Tibet, a country that is part of China but is a separate entity. He is a monk, which is the name for the religious leaders of Tibetan Buddhism. He took on political duties as the leader of the people of Tibet when he was only 15 years old, just after China made Tibet part of its country. When he was 24, political fighting in Tibet forced him to flee to India, where he lives as a refugee. He travels the world giving speeches about the rights of his people, science, women’s rights and human rights. He uses his religious and spiritual knowledge to teach people how religions can better get along together. The Dalai Lama is a wise and generous man known for his patience, open-mindedness and kindness.

  Steven Spielberg was born into an Orthodox Jewish family in 1946 in Ohio. He had a strong interest in filmmaking and made his first movie at age 16. He went on to direct and produce some of the most celebrated movies in Hollywood, such as Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Color Purple, Empire of the Sun, Jaws, E.T. and Jurassic Park. He also made a film about the Holocaust called Schindler’s List. Besides the movies he has produced, directed and won so many awards for, Spielberg does a great deal of charity work, such as establishing the Shoah Foundation, which archives the stories of people who survived the Holocaust.

  Neil deGrasse Tyson is an astrophysicist, author and science communicator. He is the director of the Hayden Planetarium in New York City and is one of the most famous and beloved scientists many people have ever known about! He was raised in the Bronx in New York, and he became consumed with his love of physics from an early age. He has written books, hosted countless television shows about science and has made so many people interested in science who never would be interested before. He is known for his charisma and his great sense of humor as well as for providing answers to some of the greatest mysteries of the universe.

  Fred Rogers was a puppeteer and host of a TV show from 1968 to 2001. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood entertained and educated decades of young people. Inspired by the desire to transform TV into something that could help people, Mister Rogers hosted a show aimed at preschoolers, which taught ethics, morals and creative appreciation for the world through puppets, songs and storytelling. Also trained as a Presbyterian minister, Rogers was an inspirational artist and personality who touched the lives of hundreds of thousands of people in his lifetime.

  Causes

  One of the most important ways to start imagining how your life will look and how you can make your life matter for you and those you love is to consider what you’re passionate about. Finding a cause that is important to you helps you learn more about the world around you. Your brain needs a lot of information to form opinions, and the more you learn, the better you can know what you think and how to be a part of changing things in this world.

  What matters to you? Are there things you hear on the news that bother you? Maybe it’s a story discussing racism or gun violence, or maybe news reports on the damage that is being done to the environment or to certain populations in the world. Maybe it’s a story about how an animal was found in the street after it had been mistreated by its owners.

  There are things going on right in your neighborhood that probably need your help. If you live in a city, there might be concerns about how the homeless population is treated. There is litter in most every city or town that needs to be dealt with. There are beaches that need cleaning up, parks that need repair and dozens of other ways we need to make changes that will better things for everyone.

  If you ever look at the problems in your community and our world and think it’s just such a mess that it can never be fixed, guess what? You’re wrong! There are lots of things we can do to make changes to this world, and every small gesture of loving kindness and care helps. You’re not too young to find ways you can give back to your community, your city, your country or even the world.

  Even if a change is small, it can still be a big deal. Here are some examples of charity projects that have
been started by kids not much older than you—and in some cases, maybe younger.

  Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation. Alexandra “Alex” Scott was not even one year old when she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a type of cancer. When she was 4 years old, she held her first cancer fundraiser in her front yard and raised over $2,000. Tragically, she died when she was 8, but in her precious short life, she raised over $1 million for research into cures for childhood cancer. Her family has continued her legacy by continuing her mission, and Alex’s Lemonade Stand has now raised more than $150 million for cancer research and support for children with cancer and their families.

  FundAField. When soccer fans Kyle and Garrett Weiss were 13 and 15 years old, the brothers traveled with their family to see Iran play Angola in the FIFA World Cup. It was Angola’s first ever time in the World Cup, and Kyle and Garrett were shocked to see that the Angola fan section was so small. They came to learn that impoverished countries have very little funding and support for soccer and that the luxuries they took for granted—such as cleats that fit—were not something every child could have. This was the start of a large and now successful campaign to build soccer fields, provide soccer equipment and encourage support for African children to have the resources to learn and enjoy soccer.